Wednesday, April 30, 2008

'Neil Diamond' - 'Pretty Amazing Grace'

1 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:05 PM

'Neil Diamond Pretty Amazing Grace'

- Neil Diamond Lyrics

Pretty amazing grace is what You showed me
pretty amazing grace is who You are
I was an empty vessel
You filled me up inside
and with amazing grace restored my pride

Pretty amazing grace is how You saved me
and with amazing grace reclaimed my heart
love in the midst of chaos
calm in the heat of war
showed with amazing grace what love was for

You forgave my insensitivity
and my attempt to then mislead You
You stood beside a wretch like me
Your pretty amazing grace was all I needed.

Stumbled inside the doorway of Your chapel
humbled in God by everything I found
beauty and love surround me
freed me from what I fear
ask for amazing grace and You appear

You overcame my loss of hope and faith
gave me a truth I could belive in
You led me to a higher place
showed Your amazing grace
when grace was what I needed

look in a mirror I see Your reflection
open a book You live on every page
I fall and You're there to lift me
share every road I climb
and with amazing grace You ease my mind

Came to You with empty pockets first
when I returned I was rich man
didn't believe love could quench my thirst
but with amazing grace You showed me that it can

In Your amazing grace I had a vision
from that amazing place I came to be
into the night I wandered
wandering aimlessly
found Your amazing grace to comfort me.

pretty amazing
pretty amazing
pretty amazing
pretty amazing
pretty amazing
pretty amazing
pretty amazing
pretty amazing

You overcame my loss of hope and faith,
gave me a truth I could believe in.
You led me to that higher place
showed me that love and truth and hope and grace were all I needed.

A Pastor's Role in Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:03 AM

I had an email sent to me by a poster that was having problems with her blogger/google account, and asked me to mention an article she had written.

Pastors, for the most part, have no concept of domestic violence issues. I posted a report I wrote on a pastor's training seminar led by Carol J. Adams: A PASTOR’S ROLE IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, filed in the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE category on my blogsite, Carolyn Hollands Weblog . It is a good article to present to pastors who are faced with this issue. We need more pastors who are trained in dealing with domestic violence, since victims are usually told to speak with their pastors. Thank you for posting this comment.
Carolyn C. Holland

I had read her article the same night she had sent me a note! Its worth going there, and reading it!

One thing struck me after I read the article a second time, and I may be reading TO MUCH into it...but here goes!

There are three steps in pastoral dealings with domestic violence. First, the pastor must process information received from the couple. “Talk with each partner individually. Focus on behavior, not on personality characteristics,” said Adams.

I realize you have to speak to them individually, but at first you need to have the spouse's permission at first due to safety issues. I guess the timing of the first step is also important! It could add danger to things if not properly handled. That would be my added note to this.

Battered women need to plan for safety and to have the backing of a community that holds her abuser accountable, because she cannot.

Agreed! Most people don't get that!

“Battering is the batterers responsibility,” Adams emphasized. “Domestic violence is about control. It is a pattern of behavior involving violence, control and subtle forms of abuse. It is not conflict run amok, but an issue of power and control. Even the ‘nice’ phase is a tactic to get women to comply.”

Adams acknowledges we live in a society that accepts, on a deep subconscious level, that women are the property of men. For the controlling party, the victim will always do something wrong, and it isn’t the “something wrong” that matters. Only the control does. What matters to the batterer is the level of control he has over his chosen victim.

I thought that was very powerful!

Please check it out, and make sure you look to the bottom and read Carolyn's other posts about Domestic Violence and Child Abuse. Very Gifted lady!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Personal Safety Device for Victims of Domestic Violence!

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:02 AM


Stop the Abuse had an article recently on a device that could call the police in a moments notice if this is something that you need!

The poster has an offer at the end if you would like to check into the system for you and your family.

I've recently learned that there's a national company ( Phillips Lifeline -- 1-800-543-3546) that specializes in home alert systems. The systems are used primarily by people in frail health and who live alone, to call for medical help.

But what about calling for law enforcement help? It can be used for that also. I'm informed that many people in remote areas use it.

The equipment is basically a dialer that's installed on your phone. When you push the button (around your neck or in your pocket), the 24-hour trained professionals come on your speaker phone and ask what you need.

You only need to say, "Call the cops!" and they'll be on their way.

I have spoken with this company and they've sent me coupons to save up to $80.00 with free activation of the system.

Contact me through the 'email me' link at the upper left of this blog, and I'll send you one.

I'm sure we have all seen the commercials for this type of item for seniors that live alone, and it helps as an extra safety measure if they do need help.

The Website owner is the author of:

Friday, April 25, 2008

Baptism - His Excuse for Domestic Violence!

6 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:32 AM

Shakesville had an article called, "Domestic Violence, Ownership of Women, and of course Jesus!"

Team Chairman Dan Rooney of the Steelers Football team had two of his players in trouble with the law for Domestic Abuse. Cedrick Wilson it seems got into a bit more trouble with the team after his arrest, but James Harrison it seems had a GOOD excuse!

Mr. Harrison according to a police affidavit, broke down a door, broke Ms. Tibbott's cell phone in half as she attempted to call 911, then slapped her face with an open hand, knocking off her glasses.

I almost fell off my chair when I read the 'justification' over this!

"What Jimmy Harrison was doing and how the incident occurred, what he was trying to do was really well worth it," he said of Mr. Harrison's initial intent with his son. "He was doing something that was good, wanted to take his son to get baptized where he lived and things like that. She said she didn't want to do it."

How about that! Its okay to act like that if you trying to get your child baptized, and mother disagrees! We will keep him on the team, because of the 'different set of circumstances' compared to his team mate.

After people started to critize his response he attempted to change it around a bit!

"To clarify the comments made earlier regarding the conduct of our players, in no way do we condone domestic violence of any kind," the statement read. "Each incident must be considered on a case-by-case basis.

WOW he made it so much better huh? Now we can look at the domestic violence done by the players on a case by case basis.

I guess they seemed to still think it was okay to act like that. I mean we all know there are cases out there that people get charged, and they have no business being charged with domestic abuse. This 'case' doesn't happen to be one of them! I'm sorry!

I'm outraged over this! If you wish to contact the Steelers to let them know about his 'case to case' opinion here is the contact information:

Perhaps you'd like to politely email ( the Steelers or call their administrative offices at 412.432.7800 to let them know that condoning domestic violence for any reason is not acceptable.

Pro Football Talk has a couple of links:

Steelers Clarify Rooney's Remarks

Women's Shelter wants Meeting with Steelers

It was mentioned that he (the football player) has admitted what he was done, and is currently accepting responsibility. To bad his team can't handle that.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

'Chris Tomlin' Wins Dove Awards - 'Amazing Grace'

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:23 AM

'Chris Tomlin' won the 2008 Dove Award for Amazing Grace!

Here is a list of the other Dove Awards

Here is an article ABC news!

Congrats Chris Tomlin, and God Bless YOU!

Here is another one of songs, 'Chris Tomlin How Great Is Our God!'

Poem about wife abuse and her faith! Shattered Dreams!

6 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:47 AM

I came across this poem about domestic violence in the faith realm, and I wanted to share it with people today. I think alot of people can very much relate to what the author is saying.

I read part of her story about domestic abuse last night, and I have to tell you I had to stop in a couple of places. It was very triggering for me. She speaks alot more of emotional abuse, verbal abuse than physical abuse. She stated:

Emotional abuse is the worst kind in my mind, because it's the hardest to see and prove. I remember seeing the movie, "The Burning Bed", with Farrah Fawcett. It was a true story of a woman who had been savagely abused by her husband until one day in desperation she set fire to the house as he lay passed out in a drunken stupor. After hearing her testimony, she was found not guilty, by reason of temporary insanity. I really related to that movie. Not that I ever thought of taking it that far, but I often thought it would come to that, one of us having to die before it would stop. Many times I wished he would just get it over with and kill me, just so the pain would finally end.

I feel Emotional Abuse is the most harmful type of abuse, other than life threatening physical abuse. It is the most likely to go undetected and unreported because the scars are hidden. It is much more socially acceptable to call names and manipulate than to hit someone, it's easier to get away with. I suffered primarily emotional abuse during our courtship, which is probably why I didn't leave him. It was hard to prove he was doing it, so it was hard to get any support. Pretty soon it became easier to just explain it away and enable it to continue. My abuser had complete control of my emotions and it affected my relationships with others and my decision making.

Here is her poem for today.


There's nothing but shattered pieces
my china cup has paid the price
I spent too much at the store today
and his reaction wasn't nice

The kids complained and fussed
I could feel impending doom
He was tired and didn't care
now they're crying in their room

I cower and listen in numb despair
while his curses fill my ears
He's got my throat, I cannot breathe
my eyes well up with tears

"If only you didn't make me mad!"
I know that's what he'll say
I'd run and hide and take the kids
but I'd never get away

He's sitting there, his fire has died
pretending nothing fared
I stand and face him, cup in hand
I've never been so scared

"You see this cup?" I asked him
"So fragile and complete?"
I threw it down in one swift blow
and glass flew at his feet

He stared at me in disbelief
as I finally took a stand
"This cup is me, each broken piece,
I wish you'd understand!"

"Some of the pieces can be fixed
with patience and some glue,
but some of these are just too small
this cup will never be new."

"Each time you say a hateful word
each time you grab my arm,
My mind and heart are shattered
and you'll never undo the harm."

He told me I was crazy,
and I'd better clean up the mess
I guess the lesson here was lost
and so am I, I guess

I found the strength to leave one day
but it took too long to get free
A shattered cup is my reminder
of the life he took from me

The pain is still too real to me
even though he's not around
He still finds ways to hurt me
and throw me to the ground

My life is shattered pieces
but at least I can know this:
Someday God will fix my cup
but who will take care of his?

Angie Horvath 2000

Additional Poems:
You can't
What It Means To Be A Victim
A Chosen Vessel
Will You Love me To Death
Shattered Pieces
Recycled Rose
Saturday Night Special

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Wifely Submission or Spiritualized Denial?

5 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:00 AM

I just read an article on My Blessed Home about 'wifely submission'.

The author quotes a lot of scripture on what a Godly man and women look to for reference as to what God wishes for them. It wasn’t a bad article, but when it comes to the realms of domestic abuse it could be very dangerous! When you are dealing with wife abuse or domestic violence keeping secrets can be deadly. Emotional and Verbal abuse can escalate into physical abuse as well.

Remember emotional abuse and verbal abuse involve a pattern of behavior, and not just being ugly one day.

Unfortunately, her article is a good example if someone is experiencing domestic violence and takes this to heart is called the HOLY HUSH! Keeping silence when your spouse is treating you in a cruel manner is NOT something you are to be silent about. Its not betrayal, and is certainly isn’t NOT being a proper helpmate! Fellowship is a tool that God gave us to use, and we can’t use that tool unless we break the silence of domestic violence. Those that would tell you to be more submissive, keep silent and allow God to change them are examples of religious and spiritual abuse. I don’t think most people intend it to be, but that advice clearly goes against scripture.

Lets look to the bible and see what it says about fellowship. The bible speaks of fellowship, and how it is important:

1 John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.”

1 Corinthians 12:24-27 BBE But those parts of the body which are beautiful have no need of such care: and so the body has been joined together by God in such a way as to give more honour to those parts which had need of it; (25) So that there might be no division in the body; but all the parts might have the same care for one another. (26) And if there is pain in one part of the body, all the parts will be feeling it; or if one part is honoured, all the parts will be glad. (27) Now you are the body of Christ, and every one of you the separate parts of it.

As you can see in 1 Corinthians we are all parts of the body of Christ, and when a part of the body needs help we are to give this help. You can’t do that when you are asked to stay silent when your spouse is acting abusive. It states that when one part of the body is in pain then all parts will be feeling it, and if one part is honored that all parts should be glad. We are all parts of the body of Christ, and if you are victim of Emotional abuse, Verbal Abuse, Physical abuse how will the rest of the body know if you are told to keep silent? How would your spouse get the help they need, and how would you all get the healing that is needed if the destructive secret of abuse is not brought into the light?

You notice in that verse it says nothing of being silence, and enduring cruel acts of our spouse. It states that if one part of the body of Christ is enduring pain that the whole body of Christ is enduring it.

1 John 3:14-24 BBE We are conscious that we have come out of death into life because of our love for the brothers. He who has no love is still in death. (15) Anyone who has hate for his brother is a taker of life, and you may be certain that no taker of life has eternal life in him. (16) In this we see what love is, because he gave his life for us; and it is right for us to give our lives for the brothers. (17) But if a man has this world's goods, and sees that his brother is in need, and keeps his heart shut against his brother, how is it possible for the love of God to be in him? (18) My little children, do not let our love be in word and in tongue, but let it be in act and in good faith. (19) In this way we may be certain that we are true, and may give our heart comfort before him, (20) When our heart says that we have done wrong; because God is greater than our heart, and has knowledge of all things. (21) My loved ones, if our heart does not say that we have done wrong, we have no fear before him; (22) And he gives us all our requests, because we keep his laws and do the things which are pleasing in his eyes. (23) And this is his law, that we have faith in the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love for one another, even as he said to us. (24) He who keeps his laws is in God and God is in him. And the Spirit which he gave us is our witness that he is in us.

With our silence we encourage our spouses to live in darkness, and when others encourage you to keep that darkness hidden ‘he has no love is still in death’! Why? Because of the evil that has taken hold within this person. Fellowship is important to our walk. There are no exception clauses as to WHAT sin we must keep silent! Being a helpmate to a husband is NOT keeping his sins in the darkness. He is in need of fellowship so that his prayers and salvation are not placed at risk! That isn’t being a nag, Jezebel spirit, or sinning against your husband to make sure he walks the proper walk of a Follower of Christ!

Followers should not be afraid of this rebuke, nor should they wish it to be hidden! Why would a true Christian wish to HIDE anything? True Christian leaders of the home would wish this correction to happen so they are being what God wishes them to be! It’s not bad for them to have others help them during this path, but how will that happen if the family is asked to stay silent? God gave us tools here on earth, and he intended for us to use them!

John 3:19-20 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

Prov. 10:16 The wages of the righteous bring them life, but the income of the wicked brings them punishment.

What do the scripture passages above tell you? In a nutshell to me that people that love evil do not like the sin brought into the light for fear of being exposed. It doesn’t say to be a good helpmate you must keep this silent! The silence of domestic violence is sin as well!

Man was created before woman. For each thing God created, God said "it is good." However, God didn't say that after Adam's creation. God said "it is not good." God saw that Adam was alone, so God made it good by creating woman. Woman is God's gift to man, in the sense that a wife is to be her husband's help meet.

The husband needs his wife's help. God said that it was not good for man to be alone, so He remedied the situation by creating woman.

When a man and a woman get married, they are each to leave their families, and create their own new family unit.

The husband is the God-Ordained leader of the family unit, with his loving wife at his side as his help meet, making it "good."

Since the husband is the God-ordained family leader, the wife is to submit to his leadership. The husband is to cherish and honor his wife, and to love her as Christ loves the church (see Ephesians chapter 5).

I don’t have any real issues with what she is saying here. What I don’t understand how she encourages others to allow women NOT to be treated as that gift! Her views are just fine up until the next point she attempts to make!

Colossians 3:18 is clear that wives are to be under the authority of their own husbands; not others. In Christ, men and women are equal. Women are not under the thumb of men. The wife has the Biblical command to submit to her husband. Other men have no authority over her, unless it is a type of employee/employer situation. That shouldn't be a common situation, since the Bible also tells us that wives are to be the keepers of their homes.

Colossians 3:18 also tells us to submit to our husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Therefore, if a husband wants his wife to do something that is clearly against the will of God (as per the Bible), then the wife need not comply.

If a husband mistreats his wife, she should still be his help meet and submit to him. It is not the wife's duty to set her man straight, or to teach him a lesson. The Bible assures us that God will do this for the wife. One of the ways God does this, is by hindering the husband's prayers.

What if the wife's husband is an unbeliever, or is backslidden? 1 Peter 3 is clear that the wife is still to submit to her husband, and if he can't be won by the Bible, then maybe he can be won by his wife's behavior and his seeing her walk with God. Treat the unbelieving, backslidden, or cruel husband as if he is a wonderful man. This is how you can help him. You are his help meet.

First of all a gentle rebuke is NOT ‘setting her man straight’ or ‘teaching him a lesson’! We need to clarify here! One is based almost in being vindictive, and the other is clearly the opposite. We are all called to receive the gentle rebukes in a humble manner. There is a difference that she has left out. Wife’s are NOT restricted in this manner.

Mat 23:1-12, Mat 20:25-28, John 13:12-17 as some of the examples of how Jesus spoke of leadership in HIS definition! Husbands are to be servant leaders not those that get to tell you how things are to be.

According to the scripture I referenced above silence and treating him as a ‘wonderful’ man alone is NOT what is called for in scripture. YES his prayers will be hindered if he continues to act sinfully towards his wife and family. God asks Christians to bring the sin into the light, and you can’t do that by keeping your mouth shut.

She seems to contradict herself as well. She states that a man is not to keep you under his thumb. She did state how the man is to treat his wife, and states that if he asks you to sin you don’t have to comply. The contradiction comes when he acts sinfully towards the wife you are to treat him as a wonderful person, because you have no right of rebuke. Being a helpmate is to show your chaste behavior – that part I will agree with, but stating that to bring sin into the light is NOT being a proper helpmate is clearly against scripture. Acting cruelly towards someone in a domestic violence situation is keeping them under your thumb. They are doing it for the control and power, and out of insecurity along with evil that is received within his being.

God and the fellowship are to help both parts of that hurting body of church. One that is being cruel, and the one that is enduring the cruelity. The bible states that repetitive sin needs to be addressed, and it can’t be if the wife is told to HUSH!

Since mistreatment and abuse is normally done behind closed doors, and in the darkness as the bible states...she is encouraging those to NOT take it into the light! I'm NOT talking in a vindictive way, or in a tattle tail fashion here! You can lovingly bring things into the light, and allow the fellowship to help you bring the husband back into the fold of the body of Christ. The bible states clearly to me that sin is in the dark because it is evil, and if you are encouraged NOT to mention it that person is enabled it to continue! I’m NOT saying God can’t take care of things on his own! What she is telling a person is there is no need for fellowship to get involved! I’m NOT saying ‘sent him straight’ in a vindictive manner, or ‘teaching him a lesson’ in the same fashion. When you reach out for help this definition doesn’t apply if you do this with the proper spirit!

Being a proper helpmate is helping your husband stay within his role of a Godly husband, and not enable his bad behavior to continue to standing in silent with a smile and prayer!

Your husband may not deserve your love, honor, and submission. regardless if he is being a biblical husband, you still need to be the biblical wife. When you do this, even when your husband doesn't deserve it, God sees your heart and actions, and He will bless you for it. Remember Psalm 37 - trust in the Lord, and wait on Him. Heavenly Father knows best.

Proverbs 31 tells us that the husband’s heart should trust his wife. Don't betray his heart and trust by saying negative or hurtful things to him, or about him. Build your husband up; help him become a better man, by treating him as if he already is.

What the author doesn’t seem to understand is that you can still be biblical wife, and call on the fellowship to help with repetitive sinful behavior such as domestic violence. God will not bless someone that keeps sin the in closet! There are times and situations in which no one but God can do anything about things, and that is when you trust in the Lord and wait on him! The entire process God should be a part of, and the body of Christ (fellow Christians) is to help those in need. I’m not saying God is a last resort, but you can’t use denial in this fashion and expect God to bless it either!

I think most people understand what betrayal is. A person who lives in sin, and tries to use manipulative comments like you are hurting me when you bring it out into the light is sin. They just added to their laundry list of sin! The true Christian will bring sin into the light, and that is hardly betrayal! Asking a Christian wife and family that is enduring domestic violence and abuse is being betrayed by the fellowship when they tell her to hush and pray.

I’m not talking about someone that spends their days finding things to complain about in regards to their husband and others here! We have all seen spouses complain constantly about others, and they need to be rebuked for that action as well! You can help others become better people, and turning from sin when that sin is exposed! You can treat that person with mercy and compassion!

To bring sin into the light is NOT talking badly about your husband – it’s talking about his bad behavior.

There is a difference!

I’m not going to say everything this author noted is incorrect! What I do find odd is the over spiritualizing of things as a way of NOT dealing with it! There are also ways of being the helpmate that God intended, and finding ways to help your husband become the man God intended him to be! Hiding in silence as everyone suffers isn’t helping!

God gave us fellowship to use in the proper form, and when you don’t do that you are causing someone to live in sin! Silence isn’t honoring your man, and if he were a true man of God he wouldn’t want you to either! To me much of this article is misused submission comments, and will breakdown the church, fellowship, and of course the family she intended to help!

If your fellowship is encourages you to keep silent on domestic violence find another support system, because God isn't in the business of having you leave in fear within the home that he wants to be peaceful. There are alot of Christian resources that deal with domestic abuse, wife abuse, martial abuse, emotional and verbal...whatever you are dealing with. God doesn't wish to stay silent on this. Abuse is called the destructive secret, and there is a reason for that. God asks us to call sin into the light!

What resources have you found most helpful?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tools For Tuesday

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:57 AM

Today's TOOL FOR TUESDAY is an email service!

Time Cave

"Bringing you into the future."

It sounds like a meaningless corporate slogan, but it's what Time Cave does.

The idea is simple: drop an email message into Time Cave and tell it when to come out. It'll stay there for as long as you'd like, within reason. (We wouldn't want stalactites to dissolve it.) So for days, weeks, months, or even years, Time Cave will hold onto your message. Once the message's time comes, it's speedily sent on its way back toward you (or whomever you addressed it to).

Use it as a free reminder service or just to send your future self a kind note. Want to make sure you don't forget something, whether it's an appointment or an ideal? Time Cave can help.

Time Cave is provided as a free service by Shawn Bayern and has operated since 2000.

I have used it to remind me to send notes to teachers, family, etc. I have used it to send me a note to remind me about something! Its nice to schedule emails if your program doesn't have that function!

Monday, April 21, 2008

Spying on lover's e-mail? Monitoring may be illegal

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:00 AM

Controlling a partner is a trait of domestic violence, and they may do this by monitoring the email. Shalking is a form of domestic abuse, and wiretapping just shows how ugly and extreme it can get! I do believe that this article's content by vary state by state, so please check that out for your own personal situtation!

Austin police have charged two recently with activity.
By Tony Plohetski at


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Shawn Macleod wanted to know where his estranged wife was going on the Internet and what she was writing in e-mails, investigators said, so he secretly installed a program called SpyRecon on her computer that sent him electronic logs with the sites she had visited and messages she had sent.

His spying resulted in a four-year prison sentence.

Software programs created to monitor computer activity have grown in popularity in recent years as parents have sought ways to prevent children from accessing adult Web sites or e-mailing possible predators and as businesses have tried to curtail the time employees spend on the Internet when they are at work.

Others, too, have found a use for the software: Scorned lovers can track where their spouses or partners go online, whom they are e-mailing and what they are saying — all possibly in violation of the law.

Austin police considered Macleod's actions tantamount to illegal wiretapping and charged him with unlawful interception of electronic communication, a second-degree felony that can carry a 20-year sentence. Macleod pleaded guilty in May.

"It's pretty alarming," said Macleod's attorney, Johnny Urrutia.

Urrutia said he would be surprised if his client knew that what he was doing was against the law.

Doug Fowler, president of SpectorSoft Corp., which manufactures an Internet monitoring program called eBlaster, said law enforcement agencies nationwide have in recent months sought company records during criminal investigations, hoping the documents would show who installed the software on victims' computers.

In New York this year, a sheriff's deputy was found guilty of eavesdropping after investigators said he spied on the computer activity of a neighbor he thought posed a threat to young girls in their neighborhood.

The deputy was sentenced to five years of probation.

In California, a man was indicted on federal charges in 2005, accused of manufacturing, advertising and sending a program called Lovespy.

In that case, victims received an electronic greeting card that, when opened, would record e-mail messages and the Web sites they visited.

Austin police in recent months have charged two men, including Macleod, with the crime. The second case, filed last month, is pending.

Detective Darin Webster, who works in the department's high-tech crime division, said investigators also have looked into several other cases that didn't result in charges because the evidence had been destroyed or they couldn't conclusively determine who had installed the spyware.

"The problem itself isn't the software," Webster said. "The problem is how the software is being used. ... And in the cases I've seen, there are warnings on there that it may be against the law. In Texas, it is."

State law says it is illegal to intentionally intercept spoken or electronic communication.

The law grants some exceptions, such as to switchboard operators who might hear part of a conversation while doing their job.

The law doesn't address certain questions about computer spyware, such as whether it is legal to install the equipment on a jointly owned computer without the consent of the second owner.

'Emotional Abuse and Your Faith's author note: This is quite common to do as well, and is a form of domestic violence and SHOULD be!'

Employers typically have workers sign waivers acknowledging that they know the company computers are monitored.

Parents, as guardians of their minor children, are allowed to monitor their children's activities.

According to court records, Macleod's estranged wife, Kristy, reported to police in August 2005 that she suspected he was monitoring her computer use.

A detective using a fake name sent Kristy Macleod an e-mail offering to buy the couple's pool table.

A few days later, Shawn Macleod confronted Kristy Macleod about the e-mail, according to a probable cause affidavit.

Detectives searched the computer and found SpyRecon software on it, according to the affidavit.

Kristy Macleod could not be reached for comment. Company officials for SpyRecon did not respond to an interview request.

In an online advertisement, the company asks, "Have you ever needed to secretly read the e-mail of your child or spouse?"

Emotional abuse and Your Faith's author comment - SHAME on them! This opens the door for abuse of many types!

In the second case Austin police filed, investigators said Alexis Lugo, 29, installed eBlaster software on his ex-girlfriend's computer.

An affidavit in that case said Kara Winebright called Austin police and reported that she thought Lugo had hacked into her computer and changed the password on some of her accounts.

Winebright said she had broken up with Lugo and later had discovered some unusual activity on her account with eHarmony, a dating Web site. She checked her other online accounts and found similar problems.

Police searched her computer and found the eBlaster software.

Ordinary anti-spy software might not detect such programs, but checking to see which programs and files have been downloaded to hard drives should reveal them, said Fowler, the manufacturer of eBlaster.

Fowler said his company intended for the software to be used only by parents or businesses, not by spying spouses or partners. The company marketed the product that way several years ago but stopped, he said.

"We ultimately decided that it wasn't a market we wanted to participate in," Fowler said. "There are certainly those who buy the software for this kind of thing. But we don't encourage it."

Emotional Abuse and Your Faith's quick note! The link was removed to this article, because it no longer exists. I wanted to keep the article regarding the shalking in this manner present here. It is a form of domestic violence or domestic abuse. I did leave the author's email at the top if you wish to contact them!

Honor Killings In Texas - Father murders his daugthers

4 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:50 AM

The Qur’an or Islamic tradition does not sanction honor killings. Honor killing has nothing to do with Islam, but is merely a feature of Islamic culture in some areas. Please keep in mind there are good people within this faith, and then they are some that taken things to the extreme...just like any faith!

Police are looking for Yaser Abdel, and below is a video of pictures of his different looks that he may use.

The video I found at Atlas Strugs who also have a good story about this event.

Human Events also have a story on this recent event of an honor killing of his two daugthers, Amina and Sarah Said (may they rest in peace).

The Lewisville cab driver had been suspected of abuse in the past, according to the Dallas News. He was accused of sexual abuse when they were children, and it was recanted later by them. Some feel out of intimidation, and according to the brother:

During the vigil, the girls’ brother took the microphone, saying his father did not kill his sisters.

“They pulled the trigger, not my dad,” he said.

That shows the power and control and fear of this man. It shows the mind bending that this man did also towards his son. I'm not excusing the son, or saying that he is justified in what he mentioned...its just sad to see how abuse can be continued to the next generation in this fashion. The brother blames the boyfriends for this happening, and NOT his father!

What seems the saddest part of all is the fact that these girls reached out for help some teachers at school as well. They kept reaching out and it seems it was in vain.

America's Most Wanted Show also has a story about this tragic event, along with Fox News as well.

My prayers are with this family, and everyone involved.

Friday, April 18, 2008

For Some Muslim Wives, Abuse Knows No Borders

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:00 AM

For Some Muslim Wives, Abuse Knows No Borders
Traditional Pressures Can Persist in U.S.

By Pamela ConstableWashington Post Staff WriterTuesday, May 8, 2007; Page A01

Portions of the article above:

One was a shy, slender young woman who spoke no English when she was brought from Pakistan to enter an arranged marriage with a stranger in Virginia. The other was a self-confident professional, born in Turkey but raised in the United States, who thought she knew what she was doing when she married an educated Muslim man in Maryland.

Yet both women fell under the sway of the same powerful pressures that sometimes reach around the globe to keep Muslim wives in the Washington region imprisoned in abusive marriages, unable to fight the gossip and shame that come with defying their culture and religion, isolated from help that is just a three-digit phone number away.

"My husband beat. He show knife. I am scared for him, for all family," said Shamim, 21, the Pakistani bride, who was rescued by police. She is being sheltered and tutored in English at a private home. "They say no money, no call mother at home. I cook for all, I not eat. I not know 911 what is. I think I go crazy."

Shireen, the woman in Maryland, speaks with articulate chagrin about how the crushing weight of social expectation kept her in a relationship that soon turned violent. Both women's last names are being withheld at their request.

"I was perfectly happy living alone, but the family kept pushing me to marry. I wanted to show them I was a good Muslim girl," said Shireen, now 37 and divorced. When her husband became abusive, she said, relatives told her to be a better wife. When she took him to court, she said, "everyone abandoned me. I was the one who had done something wrong."

Mosques are a central focus of community life for Muslim immigrants, and the influence of their male clerics is enormous. Only a handful of these imams have spoken out on the problem of abuse, a source of shame and denial among their flocks

In Sterling, Imam Mohamed Magid at the All Dulles Area Muslim Society offers counseling to engaged couples, ensuring they understand their mutual rights and duties. In Silver Spring, Imam Faizul Khan at the Islamic Society of the Washington Area holds weekly counseling sessions for troubled couples.

"For many years, our community did not face these issues. Women suffered in silence and fear. Even today, many imams think it could never happen in their
mosque," Khan said. "Islam gives equal rights to men and women, but there are myths in Muslim society that men are superior and violence is permitted. This is
wrong, and it needs to be said."

Khan and others are also trying to bring men into the debate by forming a group called Muslim Men Against Domestic Violence. But they said recruiting participants is not easy. Even when taken to court on charges of abuse, several experts said, many Muslim men will argue that they were within their rights or are being victimized by vindictive spouses.

Another powerful barrier to change can be the grip of Muslim culture, with its gossip among extended families and its tradition of arranged marriages, in which brides often are sent to live with their in-laws. Immigrant brides are frequently cut off from their families and isolated in new households, where they occupy the lowest social rung and might be forced to act as servants.

Yet even U.S.-educated women can be browbeaten into enduring abuse for fear of shaming their families or facing cruel gossip at the mosque. Organizations that help them escape are viewed by some conservative Muslims here as dangerous saboteurs of Muslim values and family.

In Shireen's case, even a college degree and a good job could not fend off the demands of family and community bent on fitting her into a traditional Muslim mold. Now that she finally has freed herself from an unhappy match, she said, she has become a pariah to the family that once hovered around her.

In Shireen's case, even a college degree and a good job could not fend off the demands of family and community bent on fitting her into a traditional Muslim mold. Now that she finally has freed herself from an unhappy match, she said, she has become a pariah to the family that once hovered around her.

Washington Post's Link to Entire Article

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Wife Abuse in the Muslim Community

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:00 AM has an article for the Muslim Community that is worth the read!

Wife Abuse in the Muslim Community by Kamran Memon Below is a portion of the article, and please visit the link for the entire article!

For cultural reasons, some Muslim men accept the idea that it's normal for a man to hit his wife and that she is no more than a piece of his property.

Some Muslim husbands abuse their wives as a result of frustration resulting from economic hardship, political oppression experienced outside the U.S., problems with the children, or an inferiority complex.

Some abuse their wives because they want them to be more "modern" and less Islamic by removing their hijab (Islamic dress), while others are abusive because they want the opposite.
Some Muslims with superficial ties to Islam don't know that abuse is unacceptable due to their weak faith, poor Islamic knowledge, and lack of interaction with the Muslim community.

Tragically, some Muslim men actually use Islam to "justify" their abusive behavior. Focusing on rituals, considering themselves to be Islamically knowledgeable, and disregarding the spirit of Islam, they wrongly use the Qur'anic verse that says men are the protectors and maintainers of women to go on power trips, demand total obedience, and order their wives around. They disregard the Islamic requirement for the head of the household to consult with other members of the family when making decisions.

Then, if their wives dare to speak up or question their orders, these men misinterpret a Qur'anic verse that talks about how to treat a disobedient wife and use it as a license for abuse.
In reality, the Qur'an and Sunnah provide clear instructions on what procedures a husband must use in conflict situations where the husband is innocent and the wife is rebellious and at fault. The first step is a peaceful discussion between the two of them about the problem and solutions. This is intended to soften hearts and eliminate misunderstandings. If this doesn't work, the next step is for the husband to tell his wife his expectations in a firm, decisive manner. If the rebelliousness and disobedience continues, the husband is supposed to leave the bed, which is really a punishment for both of them for not being able to resolve their differences. If that fails to solve the problem, representatives of both sides meet to try and arbitrate. As a last resort, if he thinks it will prevent divorce by letting the wife know how serious he is, the husband can use a light slap on the hand or shoulder but not on any other part of the body, and it shouldn't leave a mark or scar. Anything beyond this is Islamically prohibited.
This procedure is to be followed _only_ when the wife is the cause of a serious problem and the husband is innocent, compassionate, and well-behaved. If the husband is the cause of the problem, he has _no right_ to do any of this.

Unfortunately, Muslim wives often accept un-Islamic treatment from their husbands because they don't know their Islamic rights, and they don't realize their husbands are crossing the Islamic line.

Abusive men are completely disregarding the Islamic teachings of kindness, mercy, gentleness, and forgiveness, just as they are disregarding the example of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, who never hit a woman and was extremely gentle and compassionate with his family.


One problem is that many Muslims don't want to get involved in the "private" family affairs of other Muslims. Rather than enjoining good and forbidding evil, rather than trying to stop abuse in a friend's or neighbor's family by offering to mediate between the husband and wife or by encouraging them to speak to Muslim counsellors, many irresponsible Muslims close their eyes and pretend they don't know there's a problem. So the abuse goes on.

Another reason why abuse isn't stopped is that many abused Muslim women simply don't seek out help. They're afraid that if their situation becomes public they will lose their privacy because Muslims gossip so much, and they fear the abusers will become more hostile when the negative publicity gets back to them. Furthermore, many abused Muslim women remain silent because they lack confidence in themselves and believe that they somehow deserve the abuse. Abused Muslim women also keep quiet out of a feeling of hopelessness and a belief that no one will help them, out of financial dependence on their husbands, out of a desire to keep homes together for the children's sake, or out of love for the abusive husbands. Other Muslim women accept the abuse as a fact of life and learn to live with it.

Of those who reach a breaking point and seek help, many Muslim women turn to imams but often find them unhelpful. Imams often tell these women to be patient and pray for the abuse to end. Some imams make the abused Muslim women feel guilty, telling them they have brought the abuse upon themselves and instructing them to go home and please their husbands. Other imams, who are sincerely but mistakenly misinterpreting Islam by putting the importance of family privacy above any harm that might come to the individual woman, tell the women it is wrong for them to discuss their problems with anyone other than their husbands. The imams's reactions stem from ignorance, cowardice, or friend-ship or blood relationship with the abusive husbands. Relatively few imams have had the wisdom and courage to tackle the problem head-on. As a result of this, many abused women don't bother turning to imams for help.

Looking for other sources of help, many abused Muslim women have turned to relatives only to be told to accept the abuse because making a big deal out of it could hurt the relatives' family honor and reputation.

Finding many imams and relatives to be more cruel than Islamic, abused Muslim women often turn to Muslim female activists and Muslim women's organizations for help. While these activists are often untrained in crisis intervention, they are getting the abused women out of their houses and hiding them until Muslim men can be sent to try to reason with the husbands. They often collect money from other women to give to the abused women until it's safe for them to go back home. When continued attempts to salvage the marriages have proven futile, these activists counsel the abused women on how to get out of their marriages.

As for national Islamic organizations, most have largely ignored the issue of wife abuse, neglecting to highlight the problem and solutions during national conferences or to devote resources to helping abused Muslim women.

Overall, the services provided by the Muslim community for abused Muslim women take care of one-quarter of the need, according to Muslim activists.

Because the Muslim community often leaves them to suffer, many abused Muslim women turn to shelters run by non-Muslims for help. (Seeing abused Muslim women at shelters leaves non-Muslim social workers with an ugly picture of Islam. As far as many of them are concerned, Islam is no more just and compassionate than Christianity or Judaism because the Muslim community tolerates wife abuse too. Going to a non-Muslim shelter can result social workers taking children away from troubled Muslim homes if they think it is better for them to be in a more stable environment, which often ends up being a non-Muslim home.)

Many women go even further, leaving Islam altogether because the Muslim community fails to live up to the Islamic promise of protection, brotherhood, and sisterhood.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Faith groups work against domestic abuse

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:00 AM

Angela Cain/Community Affairs wrote the article Faith Groups Work Against Domestic Abuse

Bishop Charles Finnell

It starts out with:

Domestic violence is a regular part of central Indiana news headlines, and some experts say it is on the rise. Last year, domestic violence claimed 79 lives in Indiana, affecting the rich and the poor of every race, and even people of faith.

Bishop Charles Finnell States:

Recognizing problems within the vocation, Bishop Charles Finnell and his wife Vivian have worked to shatter the silence on domestic abuse for years by educating their congregation at Christ Temple Apostolic Faith Assembly in Indianapolis and holding community forums outside the church.

"Most of you know that there is a great problem in our society with domestic violence," said Bishop Finnell as he urged faith leaders to take a stand against domestic abuse. "I think the church has been in denial that the problem exists."

"Someone has to say this is wrong. This isn't right. This isn't God-like," Vivian Finnell, Christ Temple First Lady said. "God is not an abuser."
The Finnells say sometimes people use the Bible as an excuse for abuse.

"We have misinterpreted the scripture many times and used it to manipulate and control our partners."

Bishop Finnell says one verse in the fifth chapter of Ephesians asks a wife to submit to her husband, but after reading the whole chapter, the full meaning becomes clear.

"It's a mutual submission. Both the husband voluntarily yielding to the wife and the wife voluntarily yielding herself in love to the husband" Bishop Finnell explained.

He said Ephesians has a command for husbands as well as wives, "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church."

"It's a sacrificial love. It's a love that does not cause pain and does not cause hurt," Vivian Finnell added.

The Finnell's pray that their church understands what the Bible really means when it refers to men as the head of the household. They fear abusive personalities interpret that as a dictatorship.

........ For the entire Article

One last important portion of the article:

The Indiana Partnership to Prevent Violent Injury and Death has made a special brochure for the faith community. The brochure includes seven weeks of domestic violence awareness topics to use in sermons or messages to congregations. Call 278-0945 to get the free brochure or download it here.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Mariah Carey song - Side Effects With Lyrics

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 2:13 PM

One of 'Mariah Carey Songs' that speaks about domestic violence.

It's M.C. and Y.J.
Another hit, okay
We lookin' fine, takin' off
Saw us on a runway
On any given Sunday,
Monday, Tuesday
They try to confuse me,
I never let 'em use me

I was a girl, you was a man
I was too young to understand
I was naive, I just believed
Everything that you told me
Said you were strong,
Then I found out that you were weak
Keepin' me there, under your thumb
Cause you were scared that I'd become much
More than you could handle,
Shining like a chandelier
That decorated every room inside
The private hell we built,
And I dealt with it
Like a kid I wished I could fly away

But instead, I kept my tears inside
Cause I knew if I started I'd keep crying
For the rest of my life with you
I finally built up the strength to walk away
Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects

When I space am I still dreaming 'bout them violent times?
Still little protective 'bout the people that I let inside
Still little defensive thinkin' 'bout me tryin' to run my life
Still little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects
(Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)

It didn't stop, no one was there
Couldn't be real, had to keep quiet
Once in awhile, put up a fight
It's just too much, night after night
After awhile I would just lie,
You wasn't wrong, said you was right
Did what I could, just to survive
Couldn't believe this was my life,
Flickering like a candle
Do my best to handle sleeping with the enemy
Whether he was smothering every last part of me
So I broke away and finally found the strength to leave

Still kept the tears inside
Cause I knew if I started I'd keep crying
For the rest of my life with you
I finally built up the strength to walk away
Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects

When I space am I still dreaming 'bout them violent times?
Still little protective 'bout the people that I let inside
Still little defensive thinkin' 'bout me tryin' to run my life
Still little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects
(Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)

Hey, hey, hey
Let's go!

[Young Jeezy:]
Hey Mafnifico or should I say Mafnificent?
Ain't nothing worth your happiness
And I ain't caring who you're with
Misery love company so we ain't tryin' to hang with y'all
Hurt you if ya let 'em in
Gotta keep ya sucka smilin'
Keep tryin' to play
I tell him I ain't blowin' tho
Think they want me outta here,
I tell 'em I ain't goin' tho
Side effects be drowsiness,
How is this?
I think the call it hateration,
What can you prescribe for this?

Forgive but I can't forget,
Every day I deal with this
I live with the side efffects
But I ain't gonna let them get the best of me

Forgive but I can't forget,
Every day I deal with this
I live with the side efffects
But I ain't gonna let them get the best of me

Kept my tears inside
Cause I knew if I started I'd keep crying
For the rest of my life with you
I finally built up the strength to walk away
Don't regret it but I still live with the side effects

When I space am I still dreaming 'bout them violent times?
Still little protective 'bout the people that I let inside
Still little defensive thinkin' 'bout me tryin' to run my life
Still little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the side effects
(Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)
Side effects (Oh, oh)

Tools For Tuesday 'online alarm' or 'online alarm clock'

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:33 AM

Welcome to the second edition of Tools for Tuesday.

I look for neat tools that people can use on the web!

This is something I use a couple of times a week!

It an Online Alarm Clock! When I know I have an appointment, etc coming, and I'm in the middle of something I use this to remind me its time to STOP!

If you have any tools you would like to share please let me know!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Covering Jewish Domestic Abuse, Religion and Abuse, and Related Issues.

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:43 AM

I found this page, and it looks like the home page has been removed. The sources of information listed I felt my be helpful to others!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

'Dr. Dobson' counterdicts himself to much!

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:12 AM

I'm NOT going to say the man doesn't have some good things to speak about. I do believe that all people do have some good nuggets of wisdom within them. I just wanted to be clear on that point.

I wrote a post in the past about his book: Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis in which he gave some very dangerous advice when dealing with domestic abuse with marriage. I called the article, Dobson's Advice that could get women killed!

In that article Dobson basically told others:

He believes the best approach is to force a crisis that confronts the problem head-on. Only then can it be treated and resolved. When you and your husband are both in a good mood, let him know that you have something important to discuss. Tell him that you love him very much, but that you are not going to allow him to abuse you any more. Tell him that you want him to get counseling for his anger problem immediately, and that unless he agrees, you are going to need to separate from him for a while. Given his past behavior, it's likely that he will beg for your forgiveness and promise that he will never harm you again. As much as you may be tempted to believe him, don't. Set a deadline for him to start counseling and stick to your guns. You also need to have a safety plan in place in the event that your husband responds negatively to this news.

First off I firmly believe ANGER isn't the root of the issues. There is a difference between anger issues, and abuse issues. We are clearly speaking of abuse issues, and so he missed the mark right off the bat. When someone abuses others that are close to them they are clearly broken, and you are basically dealing with someone that doesn't have a rational mindset.

Anger management could show them how to tone down their anger, but it will not remove the abuse from happening. The abuse is the core issue, and with anger management it isn't addressed. Their irrational mindset, and sense of entitlement isn't going to go away with anger management. They will find more covert ways of doing it. Does that solve the issues? Hardly.

His advice also doesn't help setup A Safe Haven that he speaks about in the article I linked to.

If children cannot feel safe when at home, how will the world outside seem to them? Yet many homes today have become battlefields where parents fight endlessly and children become the innocent casualties caught in the crossfire.

While his children were arguing one day, Dr Dobson pointed out to them: “Look out at that world. It can be a dangerous place. There are people out there who will make fun of you, or hurt you, or take your money. There must be a safe place where we care for one another and help each other. And that safe place is right here at home.”

Indeed, home should be a safe haven and happy environment for children to grow up in. It should be a place of encouragement, unity, love and forgiveness. This minimises if not eliminates the risk of children, particularly teenagers, choosing to hang out in malls just to get away from the troubles of home. If children feel loved and happy within the home, they may prefer spending time with family members rather than outside doing unhealthy activities.

That said, we cannot keep our children at home always. But we can educate them to recognise and avoid bad friends who are potentially negative influences. Peer pressure in today’s society is very real to both adults and children.

I see nothing WRONG with this advice on the surface. If you combine that with his dangerous advice he gives to those that live with domestic violence - which basically ignores the true issues - no wonder people get frustrated when things just don't turn out as Dobson wishes they would.

In his book Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis instead of truly addressing the issue he spends more time speaking about how a women can push her man to far, and would much rather be hit so she can show her badge of honor (black eye in his example) so she can get the sympathy she was after. I guess since he spent more time on this example then what he was suppose to be addressing you can tell 1) he clearly doesn't have a clue about domestic abuse, and 2) he doesn't know how to show others how they can reach that 'safe haven' he believes children need to thrive.

He would much rather blame the 'battlefields' instead of solving the issues.

We need parents who are bold enough to say to other parents: “Please tell me if my child is misbehaving.” No one has perfect children, and while they are at a mouldable age, we should do all we can to teach our children good behaviour.

In our urban society, there is little sense of neighbourliness and people are often apathetic to the safety of others. But wouldn’t it benefit parents to know that there are other responsible adults looking out for their children when they are not around? We can all play a part in reaching out to our neighbours to help and protect one another.

In these two paragraphs he wishes that parents would encourage other parents to tell them when their children are misbehaving, instead of getting defensive because they are critizing their children.

When will Dobson allow spouses that are being abused to do the same thing, and receive compassion and understanding? With his website he did change the troubling advice towards domestic abuse, but still insisted the book was fine. That to me in a counterdiction. The book itself - even after a couple of revisions - still pushes his very dangerous advice. Advice that could get people killed.

When is Dobson going to truly bring the evil of domestic violence out into the open, and beam that bright light of truth on it? His safe haven article is fine on the surface for alot of families, but if he can't realize that victims of domestic violence aren't the ones that should be addressing abuse within the home with the pert of the violence his safe haven advice is mute. The victims aren't safe with this person, and accountability and addressing this needs to be done with others because of the safety issues. Children can have that safe haven - at least most of the time - if the church would step up and realize their advice in some areas lack common sense, and how they lack education within some very dangerous areas.

Until that happens 'safe havens' are just a dream that may never be realized by thousands of children.

This was one of the first books I read that truly opened my eyes on the dynamics of domestic voilence within homes.

Lundy Bancroft followed that book up with:

I also read:

Which I have to admit was very hard for me to read at first. I didn't want to admit I found that label I was looking for. I tried for a long time to make me believe it HAD to be something else.

Is her newest book. I haven't read it myself, but I know others that have and found it very helpful.

On the faith side:

Friday, April 11, 2008

Debi Pearl's "Created to be a helpmate"

5 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:55 AM

LINK to page "Created to Be His Help Meet" discussion

I have written on the misteachings this organization offers, but this blogger actually is taking it my sections. The above link as to do with the domestic violence section. This is not to say that everything they have to say is incorrect, but they clearly are misinformed on some things. Its a shame that they continue to place such a burden on ladies in this situtation. The link above is the this section, and while you are there read section 8 as well!

Page 79: “A Command Man who has gone bad is likely to be abusive. It is important to remember that much of how a Command Man reacts depends on his wife’s reverence towards him. When a Command Man (lost or saved) is treated with honor and reverence, a good help meet will find that her man will be wonderfully protective and supportive. In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects respect, and is not getting it. When a wife plays her part as a help meet, the Command Man will respond differently. Of course, there are a few men who are so cruel and violent that even when the wife is a proper help meet, he will still physically abuse her or the children. In such cases, it would be the duty of the wife to alert the authorities so that they might become the arm of the Lord to do justice.”

This quote puts the pressure on the wife to prevent her husband from abusing her. It suggests she can prevent abuse by obedience, honor, and reverence. This doesn’t work. Research on domestic violence shows that an abuser will hit his wife for a matter as simple as burning the dinner or him having a bad day at work or coming home drunk. Debi doesn’t seem to understand the pleasure of power, especially absolute power. It is the wife’s inability to prevent violence, even by her diligent attempts to obey, that perfectly expresses the abuser’s absolute control. The power is God-like, determining good and evil beyond her ability to comprehend. Men love power, especially Command Men.

This quote puts the guilt of abuse on the wife’s head (except for a very few unspecified cases). Even though it says that a few men are so bad they should be reported, there is no specification of when to make this distinction. An abused wife reading this book could, in retrospect, always identify some thing she thinks she could have done to stop her husband’s violence. Advice like this serves only to continue a cycle of submission and abuse often described in domestic violence studies. We believe, no matter what a wife does or does not do, a husband should never be abusive toward her. Abuse for any reason, even if the wife is not submissive or reverent , is cruel and evil.

Says the author about one section of the book!

Michael uses 1 Peter 2 & 3 to teach that women in abusive situations should suffer in silence in order to bring glory to God. 1 Peter 2 encourages slaves when they suffer for doing good and uses the example of Jesus’ suffering which brings us salvation. The beginning of 1 Peter 3 encourages women to submit to their unsaved husbands in hopes of bringing them to salvation. Michael ties these two passages together and teaches that women are to suffer in silence, even at the hands of abusive husbands, in order to bring glory to God. Here are some representative quotes:

Page 263: “Lady, you were created to give glory to God. When God puts you in
subjection to a man whom he knows is going to cause you to suffer, it is with
the understanding that you are obeying God by enduring the wrongful suffering.
And when you suffer wrongfully, as unto the Lord, you bring great glory to God
in heaven.”

Page 263: “Has your husband reviled and threatened you? You are exhorted to respond as Jesus did. When he was reviled and threatened, he suffered by
committing himself to a higher judge who is righteous. You must commit yourself
to the one who placed you under your husband’s command. Your husband will answer
to God, and you must answer to God for how you respond to your husband, even
when he causes you to suffer.”

Page 264: “You can freely call your husband “lord” when you know that you are addressing the one who put him in charge and asked you to suffer at your
husband’s hands just as our Lord suffered at the hands of unjust authorities… I
know that this must be an amazing doctrine to many of you. Nonetheless, it is no
less radical than Jesus was radical, and it is God’s way.”

Page 265: “For the eyes of the Lord see all that take place. His ears are open to your prayers when you obey him and obey your husband. And then comes the
promise: if you are following God, no harm will come to you by doing what is
good… You will receive a blessing when you suffer for righteousness’ sake, that
is, when you obey God by obeying your husband and not returning evil for evil.
You will be happy, so don’t be afraid or troubled by the things you must

Again, the Pearls have enough truth in this teaching to make it dangerous for a wife who is being seriously abused by her husband. Jesus does call us to (and is our example for) a life that includes suffering – both daily suffering in the sense of taking up our cross, and suffering that arises specifically from following Him. Sometimes (and again, Jesus is our example in this, as 1 Peter 2 points out) such suffering can be redemptive.

1 Peter 2 encourages slaves to serve God in submission to their masters (just or unjust), and to suffer in silence for doing good. This was a God-empowered response to someone in a position from which he or she had no escape – a free and grace-filled choice a slave could make from a position that involved little or no other freedom. However, this teaching has not prevented Christians from reading the rest of the Bible and being at the forefront (and rightly so, we believe) in ending slavery around the world, bringing South African apartheid to an end, and working to ensure equal rights for African Americans here. The Bible teaches a strong message both about God’s concern for the powerless and dispossessed, and about the imago dei – the image of God stamped on each person, male and female. We are called to treat all men and women with respect and reverence simply because they bear God’s image and are important to Him. We believe that we, as Christians, should speak and work against abuse and violence wherever it occurs. This includes abuse and violence within a marriage. CTBHHM does not do this.

The link is above, and it goes into different portions of the book as well!

Point 8: The writing often lacks grace and compassion towards those struggling, calling women names that should never be used to describe human beings made in God’s image.

One of the funniest examples to illustrate this point (p. 217-219) involves a letter a woman named Vicki wrote to Debi because she was “tired and discouraged”, frustrated that her husband wouldn’t fix the sink or the screen door. Debi opens her reply letter by asking Vicki to take the “Standard Dumb Cluck” test. The first question in this test is “Does natural healing not interest you?” Indeed, all of the questions in the “Standard Dumb Cluck Test” except the last have absolutely nothing to do with the original letter. Debi follows this test with, “Well, are you a dumb cluck?”, then writes an extremely harsh letter about how Vicki should get her lazy self off the couch, learn to use tools, and take some initiative. Not knowing the situation, we’re not disputing Debi’s advice, but are disturbed by the complete lack of courtesy and compassion in the letter, a style unfortunately carried over into many of Debi’s other letters. Debi is essentially presenting this woman (whom she knows nothing of except for a one-paragraph letter) to thousands of readers as a silly, lazy “dumb cluck” bum.

The verse just before Titus 2:4-5, which Debi spends so much time exploring, says this: “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.” To label another woman (all of the following are direct quotes from her book) a “cheap office wench”, “cheap office hussy”, “lazy, complaining wife,” “cranky, demanding leech”, “skinny swine”, “rebellious”, or “hillbilly ugly, which is worse than everyday ugly” in a book to be read by thousands, simply based on one letter or observation, comes dangerously close to slander. At the least, this approach does nothing to show the love of God or the respect we should all show to people made in His image (women included, we believe!).

This hard to believe that a Christian would resort to name calling in this fashion!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

"American Idol - Shout To The Lord"

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 5:24 PM

Shout the Lord was presented on American Idol last night.

The American Idol “Final 8″ performed “Shout To the Lord” as its closing song Wednesday night during Idol Gives Back, a music celebration raising awareness and funds to benefit various U.S. and international charities.

Congratulations to Sanctuary for the Abused Blog!

1 comments Posted by Hannah at 1:43 PM

Sanctuary for the Abused has hit a mark of 300,000 hits on her blog! I personally wanted to congratulate her for such an awesome milestone!

Barbara covers just about every aspect of abuse you can think of, and finds resources that have helped many over the years. She is good person - herself - as well. We have emailed each other over the years, and I have always been highly impressed with her!

I started to notice her posts first on a verbal abuse board that came across when I first started my journey. She would post resources for us all, and the information she found was incredible! She has been giving to others for a long time, and she did this as she was suffering herself in the most awful ways from her own abuser.

If you are looking for resources on abuse, and extra aspects like porn, Narcissism, child abuse, personality disorders and much MUCH more please check out her blog! She won't disappoint you!

One nice thing is that you know this information is coming from someone with a big heart, knowledge and character! She is doing this to help others, and give them the information they need to do what needs to be done in their own life's. Always respecting the differences of every one's path!

Check her out, and give her a plug! She certainly deserves!


P.S. She was my inspiration to start my own blog!

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

What Makes Narcissists Tick: "Responsibility" Wrap: Narcissist Hurts You to Make YOU Guilty of the Sin of Feeling the Pain

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 1:14 PM

What Makes Narcissists Tick: "Responsibility" Wrap: Narcissist Hurts You to Make YOU Guilty of the Sin of Feeling the Pain

Barbara of SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED gave me a link to this article referenced above. Is a very well written and to the point article! Thank you Barbara! She has an awesome blog, and a HUGE library of articles, references and links on all kinds of aspects of abuse. I recommend her blog very highly, and she is a true person herself as well! She actually inspired me to start my blog!

Below is a part of the article, and I encourage you to go and read it on the author's blog to get the whole message! Christians are often told in abusive relationships that their FEELINGS get in the way to much. This article helps wipe that myth away, and tell us that there is nothing wrong with feelings. I think that is very important Don't you?

But narcissists aren't the only people who refuse to grow up and quit clinging to the cherished myth that they can make unhappy feelings go away and make them into happy ones instead. Many people cling to this belief that "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" because I am strong and I have high self-esteem, when really all I have is a habit of lying to myself.

One thing I remember about the Bible is how virtually anything can be "uncircumcised." Like your heart. Your eyes. Your ears.

In fact, according to the Bible, things that are circumcised can suddenly get uncircumcised. Kinda calloused-over with some crusty shield.

So, I had a hard time figuring out exactly what this figure of speech means. But, like a dog with a bone, I kept at it till I got it.

Nothing uncircumcises a head faster than stating the simple, self-evident truth that we cannot control our feelings, that feelings are not conduct and therefore cannot be right or wrong.

Just state that plain truth to many people and you can almost see it happening: that person's forehead suddenly gets thick as a brick. Reason bounces off it like missiles bounce off an Abrams tank

They act like they didn't even hear what you said. They just come back with, "But" and a reply that assumes you can control your feelings and that certain ones are sins.

How's that for being blockheaded? They can't even give you an answer - just nothing but this complete dodge all the time.

Which is absurd. Feelings are sensations, emotional sensations. You cannot alter sensations (except with hallucinatory drugs and hypnosis). If you get burnt, you should feel burned. If you don't, something is wrong with you. If the narcissist punches you in the face, he is responsible for your pain, not you. If he forces you to your knees and shoves your face into garbage he threw all over the floor, he is the one responsible for your anger, not you.

To think otherwise is incredibly stupid. The cause of a sensation is the stimulus that produces it, not the mind of the person who experiences it.

The worst thing about repressing unwanted feelings is that burying them locks them inside. They never go away then! Just as normal physical pain motivates action and then passes, normal feelings motivate action and then pass whether action has been taken or not.

But denied pain paralyzes and then just festers in the subconscious, motivating negative behavior (usually passive-aggressive behavior) like an unseen puppet master. And not just against the abuser - but rather against any available target, people who had nothing to do with the person who abused you. Hence we see many people subconsciously getting even with a parent by mistreating their spouse decades later.

That's crazy.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Tools for Tuesday!

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:28 AM

I wanted to see how long I could come up with neat little tools, resources, etc. from the web that I think almost anyone could use!

I will call it TOOLS FOR TUESDAY!

If you have any tools you wish me to reference that you have found helpful in the past let me know!

The first one is by Audio Treasure, and they have some free Audio Bibles!

If you look towards the top of that page they also offer Free Classic Audio books!

Those are your TOOLS FOR TUESDAY!

Monday, April 07, 2008

You do not have to live with abuse within the Christian home!

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:00 AM

Minister Jacky Hughes is about to release a new book called, "You do not have to live with Abuse"

You can either download it or buy it, and both are very inexpensive. You can view a preview now, and it should be available soon.

She has a number of books, devotionals that she has put together, and you can reach Minister Jacky Hughes Storefront Here: Minister Jack Hughes

She is a very inspirational lady, and has lived with this herself. She has also started a board online if you are in need of spiritual advice from her and others. That board is called, "Jesus Heals Abuse"

I will leave you with a poem written by her, and encourage you to seek out help and support from others. God will be there for you as he always is, but he has also given us a gift of fellowship! Keep asking until someone hears you!


Like a crushed flower
Some kind of perfume released in the brokeness
of petals lying scattered
Knowing I was a flower seeking my healing
I lifted my hands asking
Will you heal me?

Gently he gathered me
Held each bruised petal in His hand
Heard the sweet breath of prayer
Touched me with His strong kiss of love
Restoring each wounded part

Today I opened my eyes again
And I looked at Him
I was in his hand
A new made rose

What sources of encouragement have you found that you would like to share with others? We would love to hear from you!

Additional Poems:
You can't
What It Means To Be A Victim
A Chosen Vessel
Will You Love me To Death
Shattered Pieces
Recycled Rose
Saturday Night Special

Saturday, April 05, 2008

You can stop the fights. It is very simple. You stop fighting with him.

6 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:05 AM

Sanctuary for the Abused as a good article on Reactive Abuse.

I have seen in the faith realm that many people will speak of their reactions of finally breaking and fighting back in some fashion. They react with harshness, pushing them away, hitting, etc. They felt they just could NOT take it anymore!

What is the reaction they receive? It certainly isn't one of understanding. Let me make one thing clear here I'm NOT justifying bad behavior from anyone I'm saying its normal at times. Everyone has their breaking point, and in most situations victims of abuse are told to just DO what the abuser wishes then they don't have to worry about it.

What they don't realize is the abuser is looking for the reaction, and will push whatever buttons they can to get it.

Reactive abuse is a tool that abusers use to show the world that its NOT THEM that is crazy, but the victim due to their reactions!

People will hand over all kinds of advice like:

Focus on you and what you can do do be a better person, a better wife, a better mother. You don't have to argue with him. You can walk away.

You can stop the fights. It is very simple. You stop fighting with him.

You have one person not reacting badly or sinfully. That makes things better than two people reacting sinfully.

Perhaps, after you take the focus off your husband and he sees you changing *your* behavior, becoming more loving, stopping your side of the verbal abuse, etc, you will be able to convince him that counseling would not just be another way of manipulating him. Because right now, you really do want him to go to counseling so *he* will change and do things according to the way you think he ought to, and he's probably picked up on that.

You can't make your husband stop but you can. And you are just as responsible for this mess as your husband is. Get some help for yourself before you really hurt your spouse and end up in jail for the night. He could bring charges against you and end up with the kids. You need to stop this.

To me thoses types of responses are excellent examples of simplistic advice, and means of diverting off the REAL issue and placing the burden back on the victim.

I don't think anyone is going to justify ugly behavior towards another. God wishes us all to treat each other in a fashion that we respect that we are all God's creations. To often I see people ignore that before the reality before the reactive abuse happened. Victims do have to work on themselves, but not in the way most expect them to. Learning to bend until you break, and learning to endure the abuse, and making people feel you must NOT have done something right or else they wouldn't react like this ....WELL that's denial of the advice giver!

What excuses were you handed, and how did you feel about them? If you respond it could help others understand they are not alone, and helps them see the reality of what is really happening in their life!

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