Sunday, September 28, 2008

Facing the Giants

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 6:48 PM

With the opening of Fireproof this weekend I wanted to link to another awesome movie by this blessed missionary. The message to me of this movie is basically no matter how big the challege, no matter how many giants are in your way.......NOTHING is to big for GOD! That includes emotional abuse, verbal abuse or domestic violence overall! He will get you thru! In the movie towards the end the coaches friend comes into the locker room, and tells him, "If the bible says 365 times to not be afraid he must be serious about that one!" Enjoy Facing the Giants!

Here is a link to the study guides for this movie, "Facing the Giants"

The Voice of Truth!

Hope this movie "Facing the Giants" has given you some hope! Blessings!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Pastor in New Mexico Says COME RIDE FOR Awareness of Domestic Violence!

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:13 AM

Clyde Davis is pastor of First Presbyterian Church in Portales New Mexico is asking, "For awareness, let's go ride a bike!" He is trying to raise funds for their local domestic violence shelter Hartley House.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. Though seemingly not right around the corner, it may in fact be so, at least for the purposes of this column.

The reason I say that is I plan to issue an invitation, or a challenge, and it may involve you, the readers who respond, to begin getting in shape.

Three words. Ride to Grady. Then, three more words. Get your bicycle ready.

I would like to state here that, on the first Saturday of October, I will be riding to Grady in an attempt to draw notice to something we are all aware of — domestic violence toward women and children. I am inviting anyone who wishes to do so to join me. I am encouraging anyone who wants to show their support for me, or hopefully us, to cheer along the way. I am also inviting those who are unsure about making the entire distance to go for as long as you are able, or have the time for.

The ride starts at 9 a.m. Oct. 4 at Wendy’s.

That is about a 40-mile trip, so it may take two to four hours, depending on your bike.

It is not a particularly arduous trip, though because of the road conditions one might — I might also — choose to use a mountain bike rather than a road bike.

There is no registration process nor is there an entrance fee, though more people might participate if there were. You simply show up at the appointed time and place, and we ride toward Grady. Perhaps when we get there, we will have a picnic with the family members who are picking us up.

If people want to sponsor you on your ride, great. We will donate proceeds to the Hartley House, which is our abuse and violence shelter. I just hate to set a minimum, having been kicked out of some rides for inability to raise $1,000 or whatnot.

Please understand that this is not a self-immolation tour. I plan on wearing a backpack with plenty of drinks, stopping to eat lunch along the way, etc. There is no intent for anyone to get sick, so sunscreen, snacks, a helmet, and all of the normal things that make for a sensible ride apply. We are not about self-flagellation, but about raising awareness.

I encourage you to ride in honor, or memory, of a child whom you love who was a victim of domestic abuse. I plan to ride in memory of my grandson’s half-brother.

I encourage you again, if this touches your heart but you’re not a bicyclist, to help us out in another way. Meet us at Ned Houk with cold water bottles. Call a radio station and encourage them to cover us. Pray for us.

Having just gotten off the phone with Terri Marney, a registered nurse who is a Hartley House board member. I want to add that if you prefer two legs to two wheels, there will be a fun run at 8 a.m. Saturday starting at Clovis Community College. More details will follow.

Personally, I have always considered the phrase “Fun Run” to be a bit of an oxymoron. Think I’ll go saddle up.

Clyde Davis is pastor of First Presbyterian Church in Portales and a college instructor. He can be contacted at:

It sounds like FUN, and if you are in New Mexico go ride a bike to raise awareness of domestic violence! If you would rather just make a donation to the shelter please make sure they know its on behave of Clyde Davis and his RIDE for AWARENESS!

Good for you Clyde! What an awesome thing to do in honor of a loved one!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

When Apologies are Dangerous with marriages of Domestic Abuse

5 comments Posted by Hannah at 12:50 AM

RBC Ministries speaks of the dangerous practice of asking women to constantly forgive the abuse of her husband, and using scripture to tell her that will keep the relationship together. We all know that the bible tells us to forgive, and we should forgive! When you never address the cruel behavior of domestic abuse within the home, and all you require is an apology the cycle will continue. We never address the root of the rage within the person that is abusing others. Is that really God's intent?

In this video they actually speak to a couple that had domestic abuse going on in their marriage. He speaks of how he was good at showing people the man he felt they needed to see, and how that wasn't whom he was at home. I have to admit I do feel that abusers - some abusers - are some of the best con artists there is. Some people can say they don't understand, don't mean it, don't realize how bad it is. I have wonder about that at times. I'm sure in some circumstances they do talk themselves into things. JUST like an alcoholic talks themselves into not having a drinking problem. Why people allow that as an excuse to mininize the damage it caused is beyond me. We can acknowledge other things, but marital abuse seems to be taboo. We are to afraid of divorce, and our fears stop us from addressing sin.

When women reached out for help they received excuses like:

Boys will be boys!
If you learned clearer boundaries than this wouldn't happen!
Show him respect and he will back off!

Alot of times women won't even admit they are being abused! "Yes I have been the emergency room a couple of times, BUTTTTTTTTT...." "I'm not a battered women, because battered women have more extreme issues they I!"

In cases when a women runs to a transition house, or woman's shelter for safety a man will run to the pastor! "I'm sorry it will never happen again! I want God to change me! Can we pray that this change will happen! (they pray) Now can you can call my wife at the shelter, and tell her I have been converted (or something else) and tell her its time to come home?"

A wise pastor will tell him to wait! Repentance is a turning around! A heart can change in a moment, but there needs to be evidence and accountability that the attitudes and behavior have been altered as well!

At times the abuser refuses to turn from his evil ways, and it may be time for some tough love! If we really want to show Christian love - we will confront abuse, help abuse victims, and will help them get out of those situations (even for a time) because we love them! We would also do this out of love for the abuser! If he continues to abuse - he reaps up judgement for himself biblically! We will encourage her to file charges, and we will have him face this. We will pray that this brings him to repentance even as his warped view tells you THAT isn't loving HIM! IN FACT that is the type of love he needs!

Geniune repentance is a frame of mind! It isn't something in the moment, emotion or words! Its a turning from that behavior! Its a commitment to be different, act different, be different in the future! If you don't have this change, because the behavior have stop and ask yourself is this really a geniune repentive heart?

Abusers can very remorseful. They can weep, and show all the signs of a person truly sorry for their acts! If the cycle continues into the 'normal' stage, and then slowly goes into the tension phrase and erupts again...that isn't change! It also breaks the trust, and makes people fear and wonder what is going to happen NOW! WHen is the next SHOE going to drop! Are they are going to be sincere this time? Doubt is there for good reason. Its been a pattern of the relationship where the abuser hasn't been trustworthy, honorable in their deed and word. That doesn't mean others didn't forgive good enough! That isn't a lack of faith! That isn't looking for an excuse to leave. Its reality, and people need to stop making excuses about it.

The author of When love hurts, and her husband are on the video. She was the victim, and he was the abuser. He speaks candidly about his thoughts, feelings, etc. He speaks about the silent and confidentiality he needed. He also speaks of how long it took for him to change out of that abusive mindset, and how it came in stages.

She mentions that when she needs to speak to him about what had happened in the past, and how the abuse effected her he listens. He speaks of how repentance is an ongoing thing for him. He allows her to heal as she tells him HOW he had hurt her, and what she was feeling at that moment of abuse. No changing the subject, No aren't you over that yet, we don't need to talk about it. He faces the damage he did, and allows his wife to heal. To many people try the forgive and forget.

So often a man abuses his wife, and even if the women has to call the police and the church gets involved....the man will tell them how sorry he is. THe church will tell the women she must take him back, and forgive him! They will give her passages of grace and forgiveness. They believe his 'sorry', and ignore the damage because I feel they don't want to deal with it seems to me. They ignore the damage, evil, and true sinfulness of this behavior. I call it spiritual pixie dust that sprinkle on it, and expect everyone to go along with the program. They place that burden upon her, without acknowledging the pain and fear involved. They basically allow cheap grace to happen.

Demanding forgivness in that fashion is self serving! Its wrong! Forgiveness is NOT for the abuser - its for the victim. Its NOT to be forced or pushed upon someone! That doesn't stop the abusive behavior - it enables it to continue! Forgiveness is not a tool that makes them no longer responsible - gets them off the hook! Karen's husband spoke to people about his abusive ways, and what he did to her. He owned every bit of it. He spoke of the changes he has gone thru, and things he continues to work on. The forgiveness within her flows all over the way. AS it SHOULD BE! When its forced its unnatural, and at times women feel something is wrong with her because everyone tells her HOW she should be feeling and what she should be doing. He hasn't been held accountable, and the behavior hasn't had time to change...and yet forgiveness and grace is demanded!

Studies have shown that abusers change when their behavior no longer works. When they are held accountable. They have consquences for the actions.

Mandated counseling
Wife leaving
Charges filed
Things HAPPEN to HIM everytime he steps out of line.... it no longer WORKS for him!

The behavior isn't getting him what he wants anymore. He doesn't get his control and his power as he has in the past. THAT is when the abuser finally starts to feel it, and has a choice to turn from his ways and knows WHY!

It could also be the thing that saves the marriage. It could most importantly SAVE the man... and his family!

The woman needs to set the pace for that! NOT the church saying, "Okay NOW that you have been separated for a month its time to go back!" Its a process and it can't be rushed! If it is really happening God will allow it to come together in time! That to me is where FAITH needs to be placed! NOT this if you stay away to long he might LEAVE...or that automatically means divorce! Those are fear based decisions, and not ones that are based in truth!

When a man is shown that God will love him no matter WHAT, and its okay to LET go of the control he felt he needed he may be able to face the damage he has caused! You may see REAL repentance, and you actually see the miracle that everyone has been praying for! He needs to be reminded of God's Grace, and that God wishes him to be whole again ... or even for the first time in his life! Only then will they truly see damage that their behavior has caused his family and his wife! His confessions will be based in truth, and not based in getting his family back only! It will be for the right reasons, and for the reasons that God would wish for us. We need to allow that to happen, and surround them with the Grace of God!

Only then will they learn how to treat his bride as Christ treated the church. The standard that God has called men to, and can you find a standard higher than that? Are they not called to complete self sacrfice? Are they not to give of themselves so that others can receive? Having power over them, and dominating with control over them isn't not God's defination!

When Apologies are dangerous video link, and RBC Ministries

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Phyllis Schlafly, "I know NOTHING!"

5 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:27 AM

Phyllis Schlafly knows NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!

I got a bee in my bonnet today after reading Eagle Forum: No Longer PRO-FAMILY -- Open letter to Phyllis Schlafly over at The Dorcas Network .

I went over to youtube, and found this video with Phyllis Schlafly in it speaking about domestic violence.

'I have never seen a man hit a women except on Television, and they all act like they don't believe that is so! If they have they seen it they are going around with the wrong crowd! FIND some new friends! I mean with all the men I know they are totally incapable of hitting women. Its just not in them!"

So according to Phyllis Schlafly if you know of domestic violence FIND SOME NEW FRIENDS! We don't deal with those types of people! Isn't that nice? If you are in a legit situtation with domestic violence present 'they did it to themselves!' What an awesome supporter right? She would be FIRST person you would go to if you found yourself in trouble huh? That's really binding up and helping to heal people that are wounded by abuse! I mean WOW just would Jesus would say! Ahem - right.

Her last comment at the end of the video is really telling! She said women could find some common ground that we can all agree on when it comes to subjects besides the relationships between men and women.

According to the conservative voice the American Bar Assocation released a tool for attorney's that:

A recently issued ABA document called "Tool for Attorneys" provides lawyers with a list of suggestive questions to encourage their clients to make domestic-violence charges.

Lets look at this list!

How to Screen Your Clients for Domestic Violence – Examples and Suggestions

It is not easy to bring up these issues, but it is critically important. Think carefully about your manner of speaking and your actions before you begin to ask these questions. Incorporate questions about domestic violence in your standard intake process to minimize the stigma and encourage disclosure. Here are some examples of questions to integrate into your standard interview for any new client:

q Has your intimate partner ever pushed, slapped, hit or hurt you in some way?

q Has your intimate partner ever hurt or threatened you?

q Has your intimate partner ever forced you to do something you did not want to do?

q Is there anything that goes on at home that makes you feel afraid?

q Does your intimate partner prevent you from eating or sleeping, or endanger your health in other ways?

q Has your intimate partner ever hurt your pets or destroyed your clothing, objects in your home, or something you especially cared about?

q Has your intimate partner taken the children with out permission, threatened to never let them see you again, or otherwise harmed them?

The conservative voice's last paragraph about this ended by saying:

Knowing that a woman can get a restraining order against the father of her children in an ex parte proceeding without any evidence, and that she will never be punished for lying, domestic-violence accusations have become a major tactic for securing sole child custody.

YEP asking about domestic violence automatically encourages people to LIE! Don't EVER mention anything about domestic violence because of this. I have to seriously wonder about these people at times!

I have to wonder about all those cases that got the restraining order, and DIDN'T get sole custody! Did they have the wrong lawyers? What about the women and men that have been convicted of domestic violence with PROOF and EVIDENCE that received sole custody? Where is the outrage over that? You don't see it in organizations like theirs.

I think we all know that people WILL lie, and restraining orders are issued with no grounds at times. It doesn't just happened within martial disputes. There are people out there that are evil enough to do that. There are plenty of cases out there as well that have shown that men and women still aren't safe with the restraining orders! Where is the outrage over that? You don't see it in organizations like theirs.

It blows my mind when you have people like Phyllis Schlafly that can't even take legimate causes of domestic violence - that even the most extreme 'father's rights' can't deny are present - think that SHE of all people would be a good voice for their cause?! LOL She knows there are legimate causes out there, and tells them they brought this on you seriously think she thinks any different towards the other gender? Do you seriously think she would feel you are good enough class of 'friends' to consider you a real one?

I'm all for fathers that have been falsely accused of domestic violence to get justice! NO ONE should have to deal with that! I'm all for fathers getting custody of their children if their wifes commit domestic violence within the home! I see NO gender difference on that stand! SORRY I DON'T! Those children are top proirty in my mind! Phyllis Schlafly has blinders on when it comes to this issue, and she makes the most insane remarks on it. She can't recognize what domestic violence is, but men's groups want to rally for her support? Have their lost their minds?

For example, it is a shocker to discover that acts don't have to be violent to be punished under the definition of domestic violence. Name-calling, put-downs, shouting, negative looks or gestures, ignoring opinions, or constant criticizing can all be legally labeled domestic violence.

The ABA report states flatly: "Domestic violence does not necessarily involve physical violence."

What the ABA report said was:

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in which one intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion,threats, intimidation, isolation or emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control the other partner in the relationship. Domestic violence does not necessarily involve physical violence and it equally affects all
aspects of our society, rich or poor, regardless of race, ethnicity, religion or national origin.

Sounds a little different when you quote the entire thought doesn't it? Are they saying men would disagree with this when it is women attacking men using domestic violence types of aspects? Are they saying that men's defination is completely different? Domestic violence for men can't be defined at ALL using this? I mean COME ON!!! Of course they CAN! These organizations gripe about feminist's, and they go to such extremes themselves! The really sad part to me? They will never be taken seriously enough, and may never get the support they need to protect the men they claim they want to.

Domestic violence on the whole isn't taken to seriously, and you have people on both sides of the gender realm saying that.......and yet think its better to fight the other side instead of partnering up to raise awareness and get the issue taken seriously PERIOD! I mean can you see these extreme father's rights people LOVING Phyllis Schlafly's comments if they were pointed in their direction? 'I have NEVER seen a women commit domestic violence against men, and if you have maybe you should look for a different class of FRIENDS!" or what about "You brought this on yourself!" I'm sure they would LOVE to hear that! YEP! Definatly someone I would want in my corner.....NOT!

What about her strange comments about violence against women worldwide?

I'm glad the Senate so far has had the good sense to reject a treaty that fraudulently makes naive people believe it will improve the lot of U.S. women.

She naively states over at Human about the International Violence Against Women Act! LOL does she seriously think that addresses the LOT of US women only? She bawks at it, and says its NOT a concern that needs to be brought up worldwide when you have countries that are doing sick things to their people overall! They speak of the women in this act, but yesh have to read the uglies against men? They aren't any better!

Pakistan has ratified the U.N. Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women. That's the country where a tribal council ordered a young woman gang-raped to avenge her brother's crime of being seen with an unchaperoned woman from another tribe. Gang rape is common in Pakistan.

Nigeria has ratified the convention. That's a country where women are stoned to death for the crime of adultery. Islamic law, called shariah, calls for death to women who commit adultery, but a lesser punishment for adulterous men.

Saudi Arabia has ratified the convention. That's the country where 14 girls died inside a Mecca school that went up in flames. Religious police kept rescuers from entering the building because some of the girls were not wearing their head coverings.

Colombia has ratified the convention. That's a country where thousands of women a year are sold into sex slavery. Similar outrages take place in India, Nepal and Thailand, which have also ratified the convention.

All these countries are eligible to sit on the convention's monitoring committee of 23 "experts" who monitor "progress" and order compliance. All U.N. projects to improve the lot of women follow the feminist model: Break up the family, force women into the work force, and send kids to day care.

That makes no sense at all. Granted those countries along with others DO have major issues with their treatment of women, and they can't even begin to compare to the protections all people get here in the US. The US isn't perfect, but at least we don't endorse the sick acts spoken about. To say lets not even START to address these things, and TRY to enact human decency because Schlafly thinks it will break up familys...force women into the work force...and send kids to daycare? YEP I just imagine now in all the poor sections of the world "Children's World Daycare Franchises" dropping up all over the place. I mean GET REAL! Lets do nothing because as Schlafly says, "They did it to themselves!" I guess she isn't after basic human rights either huh?

Casey Gwinn, lead author of "Hope For Hurting Families: Creating Family Justice Centers Across America" served as a prosecutor for 21 years, and has a bit more knowledge than Phyllis Schlafly does in domestic violence. He also said she doesn't know what she is talking about. Imagine that?!?!?!?

Schlafly laments that Republicans passed VAWA and sees it as pointless because “feminists will never vote Republican.” She is wrong. First, a broad cross-section of caring Republicans and Democrats, men and women, passed VAWA. Second, many feminists vote Republican and even if they never did, Republicans should be passing laws that protect battered victims irrespective of whether it ever garners them any votes!

lol I thought that comment about voting was kind of silly on her end. What has that got to do with anything?

Schlafly next argues that passage of VAWA is a cash cow for the American Bar Association because “1 million women have obtained protection orders, and they all produce profitable work for lawyers.” Schlafly, of course, is wrong. I have never met a lawyer who got rich on dealing with protection orders. Many domestic violence clients are indigent and few can even afford privately retained attorneys. More significantly, men too, when abused, obtain protection orders. Sadly, some courts still allow male abusers to get restraining orders against their victims because men still hold such power in the criminal and civil justice systems in this country. Abusers often manipulate our system to get custody of their children and avoid punishment for their violence. Strong legal representation for victims and their children is crucial to providing safety and support for victims.

Schlafly finds it a “shocker” that name calling, put-downs, shouting, and similar behaviors are part of the continuum of abusive conduct? Unhealthy relationships often begin with verbal and emotional abuse and then transition to physical violence. No one goes to jail for minor verbal and emotional abuse in America but every judge should care if such conduct is happening in homes with children watching and learning, whether the instigator is a man or woman.

Schlafly snickers at verbal and emotional abuse, and yet from what I have read from radical father's rights that is one of the points they bring up as well. Their new backer thinks it's a joke. People concentrate so much on these radicals that the both sides come across as haters. Radical feminist hate men, and Radical men's rights come across as hating women. Neither side is willing to view or acknowledge the pain and suffering of the other side. Neither side is willing to acknowledge the abuse of the other. THAT is the problem as I see it! They are both shooting themselves in the foot, because they world isn't going to take you serious.

Schlafly goes on to mix her references to criminal and civil justice systems in America – arguing that “[the] criminalizing of ordinary private behavior and incarceration without due process follows classic police-state practices.” Schlafly’s belief that violence in families is “ordinary private behavior” and should not be prohibited by law is chilling. Healthy families do not engage in verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. Second, contrary to Schlafly’s assertion, domestic violence offenders are not incarcerated without due process of law. Criminal offenders who cannot afford attorneys are provided counsel to defend them, at taxpayer expense, in every state in the nation. Sadly, battered women don’t get a free lawyer but every needy criminal in America does. She goes on to argue that protection orders “imprison” fathers. She is wrong. Fathers only go to jail when they violate court orders not when they are issued. By ignoring judicial orders and often continuing to harass, threaten, and abuse their partners, such fathers earn their jail cell. They are jailed too seldom, not too often. Tragically, some judges don’t have the legal ability to take away abusers’ guns and don’t incarcerate them soon enough, resulting in injury and death to many women.

If domestic violence is 'ordinary private behavior' when used against women WHY do father's organizations that are THRILLED with the aspect of having her on their side think she would think ANY DIFFERENT for them? That's the part that totally confuses me! I mean do they seriously think her 'pro family' stand is going to include domestic violence against men is awful, but domestic violence against women is fantasy?

Men and Women across this country are being slammed across the head with ignorance court systems, judges, etc and are both getting screwed! YET they fight amongst themselves instead of against the insane system that places them there! Why don't people see that? Screaming STATS and woe to me and my gender isn't going to do a damn thing, except make the victims of this CRIME look like LOONS!

Casey's article ends on a strong note:

VAWA is used across America to help women, men, and children when they are victimized. If a man is truly a victim of family violence, he deserves protection and assistance, but most cases involve female victims. Is this radical feminist propaganda? No. I can prove that there are not millions and millions of men being abused day in and day out across this country. If it was true, we would have done something about it a long time ago! Powerful male leaders in America would not tolerate such abuse by women! While civil and criminal courts in this country are bulky, difficult systems to use in sorting out the complex human dynamics of abuse, rest assured that the vast majority of prosecuted offenders are men, they receive due process, and, more and more, they are being held accountable for their criminal conduct. Phyllis Schlafly is wrong. We are not abusing men’s rights. We are trying to stop violence in the American home. Every conservative, liberal, man, and woman should join us instead of making excuses for men who continue to exercise power and control over their partners while blaming the consequences of their bad choices on others.

I do think men are victims, and I have to believe that alot of them will NOT report things! I have to wonder if they did what would the powerful male leaders do in response tho! I have seen more and more women get convicted of domestic violence, and they were guilty of it. I think they deserve the same justice the men get. I have read some very evil stories about what some women are capable of, and it sickens me as well.

We aren't going to help anyone if we don't stop fighting each other, and allow the radicals on both sides to kill each other if they want to. The truth is abuse tears apart people's life, and it destroys families as well. The cycle continues because no one will step up, and face the evil that is happening. No one wants to acknowledge it. No one wants to really DEAL with it! Its to much work, and to heavy a load. This world is to easily entertained by the radical feminists and father's rights ramblings of hate filled speeches. Both genders are guilty of that, and its plain SIN!

vidadepalabras have a number listings of Ms. Schlafly insane ramblings. Women can't be placed in this box that she tends to place them in. There are sicko people in this world that are hell bent on keeping the other gender down, and acknowledging that fact doesn't make you a radical ANYTHING! All you have to do is watch the news, and view the videos of people blahing away to grasp that point! I feel sorry for Phyllis Schlafly and her narrow view of life. People are custom, and YES there are some real wacko's out there!

Phyllis Schlafly is about as 'pro family' as the pastors that claim they understand domestic violence, and tell women to go home, submit, pray and it will all go away. The truth is they are dangerous to those they claim they want to help. Domestic violence isn't a gender issue. Domestic Violence is a true human issue. Its just as hurtful, painful and damaging to men as to women.

I pray that one day both genders can come together and fight as a team against this issue with their eyes wide open. Allow the radicals to fight amongst themselves, as we fight for the right of all, women and children. AMEN!

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