Thursday, December 31, 2009

Where is the Grace?

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 1:58 PM

When I was a little girl I was scared most of the time.  I never felt good enough, and felt judged most of the time.  I knew very well how much the world could hurt me, and always felt this conditional love.  I remember as a small girl walking to a nearby park to play tennis with my brand new racket with Billie Jean King’s signature on it that I had got my birthday.  I had my normal tomboy outfit on, and a pigtail tying up my hair.  I remember stopping to cross a street, and men in a car honking and making comments that were very threatening.  At that age?  I was hardly some sex pot let me tell you!

What is strange to me is I realized what the first question would be out of someone’s mouth if I had mentioned it!  They would ask me if I was dressed with modesty.  They would ask me how much I gave to the world, and if I relied on God enough due to my fear and sense of conditional love.

Why are Christian’s so stingy with grace?

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 6:15 PM

I loved this video, and I hope you enjoy it as well!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The other side of the story

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:25 AM

I believe it was a couple of months ago I had posted a message from Jimmy Carter.  He had spoke about the abuse of women within the faith realm.  Recently, I had was reading and someone posted an article regarding a message he recently again stated.  Jimmy Carter: Abuse of Women? Blame the Catholics and Southern Baptists.  It was amazing to me how not one of the people looked to read the transcript, or even listen to the short audio message the man presented.  They just assumed what the article said was so, and when others posted what was actually said?  His politics were the response.  They wouldn't go near the truth.

I noticed that when some were trying to point out the inaccurate information within the article that those posters were accused of NOT living during the man's time being President.  They were told they didn't understand the man's politics. 

I remember those years very clearly myself.  I had parents on both sides of the political realm, and YES that made for some interesting dinner conversations.  I will mention they did keep it respectful.  I wasn't the type of child (or young adult at that point) to engage with the conversations, but my younger brother just thrived on it.  I remember he had a huge world map that took up his entire one wall in his bedroom, and during the time he literally took a black sharpie marker to remove Iran off it.  He also had an American flags in his bedroom window for each Hostage that was being held.  The intensity of the conversations during that time for dinner?  WELL it was on high alert, and I never was like my brother as he got into the discussions.  He did very well defending his views, but I felt intimidated by whole conversation myself.  It was a very intense time in history, and I remember wondering if I asked a question would it be more like jabbing a stick into a beehive. I wasn't ever really comfortable with politics as a child, but as I grew older I tend to discuss it in small portions at a time.  My brother got another world map AFTER this time, and I noticed he left it alone this time! 

It seems once a person is branded  you just can't look at anything else they have to say within that faith board.  I knew that Mr. Carter had issues with the Southern Baptist or the SBC.  I couldn't believe that he would actually SAY the things the author of the article mentioned.  I searched the speech out, and found the transcript and sure enough that wasn't what he said.  The video presentation was what I sought out first.  Mr. Carter's transcript on what he said is what I searched for next. 

The article in question claimed:

Jimmy Carter has once again blamed traditional religion, particularly Southern Baptists and Roman Catholics, for "creating an environment where violations against women are justified".
I did a search of the transcript for the portion that was quoted. This is what was mentioned:

This view that the Almighty considers women to be inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or tradition. Its influence does not stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue, or temple. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths, creating an environment in which violations against women are justified.

The truth is that male religious leaders have had – and still have – an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter.
The article quoted:

Their continuing choice provides a foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world," said Carter. Carter goes on to list horrific violations against women such as rape, genital mutilation, abortion of female embryos and spousal battery.
What the transcript and video showed he said was:

Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world. This is in clear violation not just of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights but also the teachings of Jesus Christ, the Apostle Paul, Moses and the prophets, Muhammad, and founders of other great religions - all of whom have called for proper and equitable treatment of all the children of God. It is time we had the courage to challenge these views and set a new course that demands equal rights for women and men, girls and boys.

At their most repugnant, the belief that women are inferior human beings in the eyes of God gives excuses to the brutal husband who beats his wife, the soldier who rapes a woman, the employer who has a lower pay scale for women employees, or parents who decide to abort a female embryo. It also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair and equal access to education, health care, employment, and influence within their own communities.

The quotes caught a few people by surprise, and then of course the SBC or those that are 'Baptist' aren't naive and give dangerous advice to those victims of domestic violence.  I mentioned Paige Patterson's quick little remark about domestic violence, and just to add a bit of sugar gave them a link to the audio of him actually 'uttering' the ignorance they claim their church doesn't endorse.  You remember his advice?

He was approached due to this woman's husband beating her. She was told to go to the end of the bed each night, and when he is about asleep you start to pray for him out loud so he can hear. He told her to get ready, because he might get a little more violent. SURE enough she came to church that Sunday with both eyes black. She was angry at me and said, "I HOPE your HAPPY!" I told her, "Yes Maam I am, but I'm sorry about what happen." What she didn't know is her husband came to church, and he was staying in the back - when I gave the invitation to come to Christ - he came. "My wife has been praying for me, and I can't believe what I did to her! Do you think Christ would want someone like me?" NOW they have a great marriage, and it all came about because of she sought God.
I was told then:

let's not jump from a few idiots to an entire denomination. I know some really obnoxious atheists, but I have enough perspective to realize that not all atheists are like that. I am always mildly amused when people who decry stereotypes left and right try to lump a group of Christians into one stereotype. It's like their own hypocrisy escapes their notice.

They were actually shocked to find out that Paige Patterson isn't just any pastor; he's the president of the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.   I mentioned what John Piper said about taking verbal abuse for a season, and maybe a smack for the night - then you could come to the church for help.  Once again they stated they had never heard a pastor condone domestic violence from the pulpit.  Then of course the typical comment came:

The last I heard God hates divorce. Why would any christian pastor support it? Maybe, just maybe, these pastors were trying to keep the marriage together. Maybe, just maybe, we don't know all the facts in those supposed situations where pastors counciled women to be "abused" by their husbands.
 Maybe just maybe the church just plain doesn't wish to face that their actions don't line up with their message.

Its like they are taking it as attack due to pride of a denomination, and not looking at the whole picture.  The Christian church ISN'T the only doing this!  You see other faiths such as Jewish or Muslim do the same thing, and justify it in their very own unique flavor of oppression just as the Christians do. 

I realize that men, women and children that are dealing with abuse tend to doubt their reality.  Its not US that are struggling with the reality of domestic violence, but the ones that don't have to when it comes acknowledging it exists and is happening!  When someone mentions that some misbehavior on your behave may have caused another person to abuse you?  Don't listen to the lies!  They are just not strong enough to handle the truth, and find the strength within you to find others that maybe scared as well - but are willing to place their faith towards what they know is right.  When it comes down to it?  We have alot of cowards within our houses of faith.  They may do awesome things in other areas, but when it comes to families NOT so much!  Their cowardly ways of not placing their faith in action towards hurting people show they may not be capable of acknowledging reality.  Don't spend the energy trying to get them to see, but spend your energy finding those that are willing to acknowledge it.  They are like abusers that refuse to hear, and all you do is bang your head against a wall.  Your first priority is your safety and well being.  If the house of faith isn't willing to step up and do what they say they will do - allow the secular world to help instead.  You see their faith can't be all that strong, and their truth can't be truth if they have to manipulate you with guilt.  They can acknowledge that spiritual leaders give rotten advice, but can't acknowledge that some may take that ignorance to heart?  Its not US - its THEM!  If they truly wished to help broken people did we not hand them that opportunity, and did they NOT take it?  They claim they don't know all the facts, and yet:

No, we don't know all the facts, but we do know what they said publicly. According to the descriptions given by the pastors themselves: one said women should be willing to take a smack. Another told her to antagonize a man who was physically violent.

and they claim their churches don't condone violence? Their leaders do, but they don't?  Those leaders are not dealt with, but ignored so is that WHY it doesn't happen to them?

If you place Mr. Carter's personal politics aside, and people bothered to listen to what the man said about faith and domestic violence?  They should be ashamed of themselves, but they aren't it seems.  Its easier to shame abuse victims, and ignore perpetrators of abuse just like their leaders do.  Maybe they can't acknowledge us because then they would have to acknowledge those leaders dangerous advice.  They call those that flee 'worldly', and yet their 'do as I say and not as I do' isn't for some reason.

The Christian faith states we are to be different from those of the world.  How are they different in this case?  Their acts of denial are different, and yet if you think about it - its not so different is it?  If you need help please run if someone is trying to guilt you into staying within a dangerous household.  If you have the church telling you that you can't be right with God if you flee?  Stop and ask yourself if they are willing to put their money where their mouth is!  Chances are they won't.  Those that find you a safe place are those that are safe themselves.  The rest just like spiritual pixie dust, and condone their spiritual leaders and their ignorant advice by NOT SPEAKING OUT AGAINST IT!  They aren't so right with God are they?  To me?  They are the ones that should repent, and yet their denial, pride and arrogance won't allow it.

They say there are two sides to every story!  Take a GOOD LOOK at their side, and let that marinate really well.  Do they stand for faith, truth and love?  To me it looks like cowardly.  They can't stand in faith knowing that truth, and showing love towards the victims as the bible calls them to do.  That's your other side the story!

Friday, December 11, 2009

5 articles dealing with domestic violence and the church

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:17 AM

Why is Loving You Hurting Me?, by Frederick D. Haynes III  is a very touching article about domestic violence in the church.  He speaks very clearly about the silent on this issues, and the suffering of those that we pretend are not there.

Well, let me see if I can make this plain by focusing the lens even more. There is no sadder story than the one of Tamar, found in the thirteenth chapter of second Samuel. Tamar is the daughter of King David, and Tamar happens to be extremely beautiful, yet, Tamar soon discovered that the beauty she had going for her ended up being used against her. I think I'll park here, parenthetically, because for some of you, what you have going for you has been sadly used against you. Perhaps it's the way God has blessed you to look; perhaps it's the education you have been blessed to achieve; but whatever the case, it is some gift that God has blessed you with, that sadly, has turned out to be something that haters and others are using against you. This happens to Tamar. The Book says that she is exceedingly beautiful and yet, her beauty gets her in trouble. Why? Because she has a half-brother, by the name of Amnon, and Amnon begins to lust after her. Amnon is so crazy with lust for Tamar that the Bible says: he became sick because of his love for her. Amnon is a sick man because Amnon wants to have his own sister. Sick people do sick things that will infect and affect others who are around them.

You may know what it's like to be sick and you may be doing things that are making you sick. Not only are you making yourself sick, but your "sickness" is infecting and affecting others that you supposedly care about. Not only is Amnon sick, but to heal this sickness, he consults with his street smart cousin, who tells him how to get with his own sister. He lets his father, David, know that he is sick, and he wants his sister, David's daughter, to come and feed him out of her hand. The Bible says that David allows Tamar to go to her sick brother, and when she got there Amnon made her cook the food that he desired. As soon as the food was ready, the Bible says that Amnon had everybody put out; he then went into his bedroom and called in Tamar. Tamar innocently went into the room of Amnon and he raped her.

Can you not hear the helpless screams of Tamar as she says, please don't do this? This is a terrible thing to do. But being physically stronger than Tamar, Amnon because of his sickness, takes advantage of Tamar. Imagine how Tamar must have felt. She must have felt something similar to what Ludacris articulates in the song, "Runaway Love," about poor little Lisa:
Forced to think that hell is a place called home.

For some of you, the one thing you don't want to do is go home. As a matter of fact, for some people the one place they look forward to not going to is home. Some of you spend as much time away from home as you can because of the hell you are catching at home. Why? Because I've discovered that hell is not merely an eschatological destination that you will go to after you die if you are without Christ; hell can be an existential situation that you find yourself in, even if you love Christ. In other words, hell can come to you right where you live. That is what happened to Tamar. Tamar is a victim of domestic violence and sexual assault. I'm dealing with this because sadly and shamefully, domestic violence has become the pink elephant in the living room of the African-American community. Some of us go to church, Sunday after Sunday, not realizing that there are people in our pews, sitting there, silently suffering. Yes, they are praising God, but they are internally shattered and broken by the hell they are catching at home.

Cheesehead in Paradise speaks of a roommate she had in college that she didn't recognize right away as a victim of domestic violence.  She speaks of how her roommate changed over time.  She speaks of the controlling nature of the abuse, and at times the phony type of love that others offer victims when they ask for help.

And in every story in the Bible where Jesus encounters those who have been victimized by power, Jesus always answers with grace, with love. Not the kind of phony “love” that must beat a person to keep them down, but a love that builds up. Christ always invites a love and a relationship that is about trading places. Christ invites us not to become or create victims, but to lower ourselves willingly to serve another, just as they are serving us. Christ will indeed be martyred, but he recognizes that our call is not to be subservient to our fellow humans to the point of our own demise or victimization, but instead to live in service to others in relationships of mutuality. The power of Christ in the world, and the truth of the gospel are a great equalizer: we succeed together, we fail together. We are faithful together and we falter together.

If I had known then what I know now about abuse and violence and power, I would have probably tried much harder to get my friend away from her boyfriend. But I didn’t. In fact, they got married one week after Blue Eyes and I did, and I lost track of them completely. I do not know if there was ever a transformative moment in their lives, whether he was able to get the help he needed to realize how his own sense of extremely low self-worth, and his endless quest for power in the absence of self-esteem was destroying others around him. I don’t know if she ever fully understood that she was beautiful, strong and beloved as a daughter of God. I don’t even know if she is still alive, honestly. Many women and men who find themselves in those unbalanced relationships do not survive. They fall victim to a love that wounds, that destroys, and overpowers and minimizes. In other words, a love that is not real.

The love for each other to which we are called by Christ—the love which he modeled for us in his living and in his dying and in his resurrection—is a love that asks us to be willing to trade places with others, it asks us to be brave in the face of adversity, and to lean unto Christ when we cannot be brave. It affirms that we are created good and strong and beautiful and that we are beloved of our creator. It requires that we remember who we are and Whose we are, so that we never misuse power against others. It behooves us to deal gently with those who are victims and to trade fear for justice in the lives of those who victimize. It challenges, it builds up, it accepts the love of another, it transforms. And it never hurts. Thanks be to God. Amen.

A Different Kind of Christian had Advent sermon about domestic violence.

He uses the term, 'levanten la cabeza' which I looked up and mentioned it meant 'lift his head'

Levanten la cabeza.  When facing the worst of life, up unto the end of the world, levanten la cabeza.  Christians are to be characterized by an attitude of hope, active hope.  Levanten la cabeza.
This commandment is important for us today, because many of us already know what it is to live in a destroyed world.  For many in our society, in our family, the world has already come to an end.  Their world has been torn down by poverty, by racism, by sexism, by depression, by disease.  So many in our society live in a destroyed world.  This command has deep meaning for those facing a world destroyed: levanten la cabeza.
When we encounter systems that seek to destroy our humanity, or the humanity of our neighbor, levantando la cabeza, lifting up our heads, is a radical action.  Levantando la cabeza means confronting the systems that sinfully seek to deny our identidad, identity, as beloved children of God.  Levantando la cabeza means standing up for our rights, and the rights of others.  Levantando la cabeza means hoping actively through seeking justice, through pursuing education, through organizing.  Levantando la cabeza means claiming our social identity as God’s beloved community, and enacting the justice and love that characterizes that community.
The commandment has social implications, and also personal implications.  We have a responsibility to allow the command to levantar la cabeza to transform the way we live our personal lives, our family lives.  When we find ourselves in places of depression, of unemployment, of sickness, Jesus commands us to levantar las cabezas, to live into our identity as children of God, beloved creatures.
Whatever attitude or person desiring to negate our identity as beloved daughters and sons, querida/os hija/os de Dios, is sinful.  There are few people I have more respect for in life than my friends who have stood up, who have levantado la cabeza in the face of domestic violence.  They have claimed their identity as children of God.  They have said, you cannot treat me this way for I am a beloved child of God.  I am inspired by their courage.  I believe this is the kind of action Jesus commands when he says, “levanten la cabeza.”
Today we begin the church season we call Advent.  We begin what we call “a season of expectation.”  What Jesus’ command, to levantar la cabeza, says to us is that as we wait, we hope.  Esperamos con esperanza.  We have a commandment that guides our attitude about expectation.
We lift up our heads, because we already know the end of the story.  I don’t mean I know the end of the story specifically.  I wish I was one of those preachers who could prophesy the end of the world for you.  I wish I could point out exactly who was the antichrist, and give you the hour and time of the second coming.  I could make a lot more money that way, like the writers of the Left Behind series have.  I could sell images of the last things.  People love talking about the end times.

Must Christian Wives Submit to Domestic Violence? By Patricia Backora

Some misguided Christian ministers advise, or even COMMAND abused wives to stay with their husbands, even if they or their children are in danger. Did Jesus set the example for this?

EEENO's World had a nice article about Thanksgiving.  How one of her relatives volunteers at a domestic violence shelter, and how she had also thought about doing just this.

For the record, I have no idea why this type of abuse brings up such strong feelings within me--I didn't witness it growing up, and am not a victim myself. I saw a video on domestic abuse in my college "Women's Studies" course, and it absolutely chilled me to the core. That feeling has haunted me ever since. Such a feeling of utter helplessness. Horrifying. It's a vicious cycle---children who have witnessed domestic violence most likely will either choose a partner who is abusive, or will become abusers themselves. And so it continues....

I once heard a pastor say that everyone has a calling (obviously), but if there's an injustice that you just can't STAND, then there's a reason, and you have an obligation to take a stand to fix it. Makes sense to me---people are naturally more effective and successful in areas that they're passionate about. So, I've got some work to do.

Back to Thanksgiving. The woman at the party was telling me how one of the kids she'd worked with sent her a card with that famous starfish story about how although throwing one shore-stranded starfish back into the sea may just seem like a drop in the bucket, to that one starfish it means everything! The girl wrote that she "was that one starfish".

As I was sitting there sipping my coffee in a warm home, surrounded by happy people, children's laughter, pets, and a 2-table dinner spread, it suddenly hit me: We have SO MUCH to be thankful for in this country. Now, I know this. I KNOW. We hear it constantly. At Thanksgiving we're supposed to think about all of the things we're thankful for, blah blah blah, and I do. But this year, sitting there in the warm house, thinking about how some people have to walk for two DAYS just to fill a rusted pail with muddy water (that will eventually make their waiting family ill), how some children spend their lives scavenging through garbage dumps and will never have the simple luxury of squishing a playdough shark, how many people in the world would have DIED from the sinus infection I was getting over (when all that was needed to clear it was a $12 co-pay on some easily accessible antibiotics that I didn't even have to get out of the CAR to obtain--thank you drive-thru pharmacy), the true meaning of Thanksgiving hit me. THANKS.

To those who have been given much, much is expected.

I hope you enjoyed my list of 5 articles that I found regarding domestic violence and the church.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Invisable Line of Domestic Violence

3 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:47 AM

We had area where we used to go and visit for long weekends.  It was a rural area, and the deer were plentiful.  Time had already taken out the natural predators (like wolves, etc) due to the threat to humans, and the deer were over taking the area.  They were killing all the vegetation.  You see the animals knew the boundaries of the vacation areas, and knew the hunters could not cross that line.

What the animals may not have realized is they were killing off their food sources as their numbers grew, and the food sources were not as plentiful anymore. They were facing a new type of death, and that was starvation.

Soon people realized they had to do something with this booming population, and they brought in professional sharp shooters to bring the number of deer down to a manageable population.  As you can imagine some people were very upset over this.  They felt the death of these animals over the vacation homes flowers, trees and vegetation was just plain sinful. 

I can understand their view on the surface okay?  What they didn't see was the bigger picture of what would happen to these animals - and the area - if the food sources disappeared.  It wouldn't benefit anyone, and animals aren't likely to move outside the invisible line at the time just for food.  You would think so wouldn't you?  The deer meat was donated to local homeless shelters, and rest of the deer population had enough food to survive the winter.

Some deer were cocooned in that small vacation area for so long they didn’t realize there was life outside the invisible line.  There were deer that stayed inside the invisible line once the sharp shooters came, and then you had those that scattered. 

What would happen if the sharp shooters never entered the area?  In time after the land completely went to waste the deer would have moved on, but not until the resources were completely gone and many deer had died. You now have a whole section of land that went to waste, and those factors that surround that issue.  Then you have this population of unhealthy deer, and the effects of those deer integrating into the more healthy population of deer outside that invisible line.  Most people I think realize you don’t want sickly animals within healthy ones without a plan of action.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Tools for the Restraining order

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:33 AM

I think most of us have heard of the ankle bracelets that are being used for some couples with restraining orders are in place.  Elmo Tech has taken that one step further.  Normally, if someone is violating the restraining order they are in the victims presence or near enough to do them harm. 

"Restraining orders are the most common way in Western administrations of handing domestic violence cases and remote offender monitoring has been used in the Western world for some 20 years now," Mor said. "What is unique about our tool is its comprehensiveness: it tracks the aggressors and alerts the monitoring center, the victim and any other stakeholder of a potential interaction. It can even alert the aggressor, so he can retreat, and enables government administrations to determine whether a restraining order has been violated."

Alot of the technology we use today may have a panic button on it, but once the person is pushing the panic button?  It tends to be to late, and sure it alerts others they are in danger but doesn't help them much to avoid the danger beforehand.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Grace to be shown towards others....

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:55 AM

My thoughts go back to my namesake that my parents had so much respect for.  I was born on her birthday, and was given her name.  My Aunt Hannah was not a blood relative, but a childhood presence for my mother.  She was friend of my grandmother, and I remember fond memories of her myself.  Aunt Hannah it seemed was a person that knew how to show people just the right amount of grace towards others.

My mother grew up in a household with domestic violence.  Her parents were active in the Southern Baptist church, and were also very community minded people.  I remember as an adult after my grandfather passed away, and we had to get their home ready to be sold  - cleaning out that house was a HUGE job!  My grandfather had Alzheimer’s towards the end, and the state that they lived in at the time was very individualistic.  Everyone knew he was a danger to himself and to society’s at large at that point, but no one would remove him.  I remember my mother pleading for help from the church to work with her to get the state to remove both of them at the time.  They refused until it finally got to the point of loss of life did the church finally stepped up, and coerced the state into removing him.  They were powerful in that area, and why didn’t step up earlier is a story for another day.

My Aunt Hannah I get the impression was what we may coin today as her ‘secular’ friend.  I don’t know if she had a church of her own, but you don’t find her in the pictures of the activities at church that my mother grew up in.  You don’t see her listed as the names of the community outreach they participated in.  WELL, at least none that I have ever seen when looking over the family history.  She was a single lady, and a source of a huge amount of grace towards others.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 4:29 PM


Saturday, November 21, 2009

Is my husband giving me the silent treatment?

4 comments Posted by Hannah at 4:01 PM

I was on a faith board recently, and I read a note from wife.  It was short and sweet with not much information to go on.  She was wondering if what she was experiencing was the silent treatment from her spouse.  Here is a summary of what was said, but not word for word:

Communication is impossible for my Husband to have with me. It's been 12 years, and he has yet to have a conversation with me that is on any kind of adult level. He will not talk most of the time, even to our children. We went to therapy, and he literally could not give an answer to any question. The silence was deafening. Finally, after many visits I was told to lower my expectations, and I would not be disappointed anymore. I don't know how much more hurt I can handle. This is not healthy for my children and me. Does God want me to continue on letting him treat us this way?
When I think of the silent treatment it comes to a form of emotional abuse its normally a tool they use to hurt someone.  The silent treatment is a childish way of abusing a person, and in most cases I would tell you to just do life as if they were not in the room. (yes I have done that)  I realize that is easier said than done, and in some cases that does ignore the fear factor.  In other words, you are waiting for the bomb to drop.  You tend to walk on eggshells during this period, and its one of the most hurtful and scary things.  You just know when they finally DO SPEAK all hell will break loose.

There is one thing that I have noticed with human nature within the Christian realm especially, and that is to assume that the woman is just expecting to much.  There were statements like, "Are you sure he literally isn't saying word?"  Opinions of how he could be he is just a quiet person, and you just don't want to look for those non verbal clues. 

Friday, November 20, 2009

Interesting Domestic Violence Links for the Week

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:14 AM

I put together a couple of interesting links about domestic violence within the church, biblical roles of women, found a amazing public service announcement for violence within the home, and also an author's message on steps to healing.  I hope you enjoy the lists of link.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Annulment catholic church and Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:27 AM

I came across an article called, 'A new theology of divorce'. Mike Sweitzer-Beckman is the author, and he was speaking about he was one of the statistics when it comes to children of divorce.  He isn't one of those that seemed all that harmed by it as he speaks of his parents, and later their new marriages and his new step siblings.

He spoke of a number of different circumstances of annulment that people he knew from the Catholic church had gone though personally.  I'm not Catholic myself, but I have heard about the process a number of times from people I know.  I wanted to point this article out, because it seems one of my most popular articles on this blog from the past was Marriage Annulment Grounds in the Catholic Church

Friday, November 13, 2009

5 reasons domestic violence isn't addressed in church

4 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:22 PM

Houston's Praise 92.1 Radio had an article by Noelle Sewell regarding the top 5 reasons the church doesn't address domestic abuse.

Should we try to add to the list or do you think the list is fine the way it is?

Number one reason is the pastor himself could be the abuser

They themselves maybe or have been perpetrators of domestic violence (Yes I went there). There are pastors who are perpetrators and their deacons, elders and ministry leaders know it but they are afraid to call them on it. Often times the church leaders don’t want to appear to be attacking the pastor, cause disruption in the congregation, being shunned by other members, being removed from their ministry position, being asked to leave the church. Now you should make sure that there is abuse before approaching the pastor. Pray about if you have any doubts because once you make the accusation and it not true it will be difficult to restore the person’s reputation. If you witness it you need to address it with the leadership so both parties involved can be offered assistance. Be prepared to be osterized or removed from a position and/or asked to leave the church if the leadership is not ready to address the issue with the pastor.

Monday, November 09, 2009

When people don't know what to do? They do nothing!

3 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:58 AM

I have been reading about the interview with Rihanna that Good Morning America did with Diane Sawyer. I haven't seen the interview, but from what I have taken from clips and quotes? She speaks very well of a dynamic of domestic violence that most people hear about, but you don't truly see represented within the church.  Nor do most people even recognize as part of the dynamics of the relationship even within the secular world.

Rihanna also dealt deftly with the elephant in the room: why she initially went back to Brown after the beating.

"It's pretty natural for that to be the first reaction . . . to go back and start lying to yourself," she told Sawyer. Her love for Brown certainly factored in. "I fell in love with that person . . . so far in love, so unconditional, that I went back." When Sawyer said abused women go back, on average, seven times before they leave, Rihanna corrected her, saying it was typically eight or nine times.

Chances are when women go to their pastors or the church they have already done the 'go back home and submit harder'. Matter of fact they have done the 'hit and hug' dance many times in different ways. Most people think when I say HIT its physical, but anyone that has been in an abusive relationship (man, woman or child) knows the controlling behavior, emotional abuse, and verbal abuse were very heavy smacks as well.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Stop Wounding Me With Your Mouth

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:20 AM

Stop Wounding Me With Your Mouth

I came across an article in The Herald out of Ohio.

Program targets domestic violence  Women receive advice, support

By Patrick Cooley
Herald Staff Writer


A dozen women watched as images of women, abused and beaten by their husbands and boyfriends, came across a computer screen at the center of New Life Covenant Church in Sharon on Saturday morning.

Many said the images were hard to watch, and a few were brought to tears.

“Looking at those videos, it brought back a lot of memories,” said Laura, a Farrell woman who asked that her last name not be used. “It was hard to watch, but I think it was something that I needed (to watch).”

Laura, who was a victim of an abusive relationship for five years and stays at the ARC House in Farrell, was among those attending “Stop Wounding Me With Your Mouth,” a program that dealt with domestic abuse, specifically how verbal abuse can be hurtful and escalate into physical abuse.

Each of several speakers urged women to remove themselves from abusive relationships and to reach out to the victims to let them know there are resources to help them.

“I need you to be muscular Christians,” said Lizette Olsen, the director of AWARE, a domestic violence advocacy agency.

She said a survey by the Mercer County court system in 2009 showed that more than 4,800 families in the county had been affected by domestic violence.

“You might ask, ‘Why don’t some of these women just leave?’ ” Ms. Olsen said. “For some of them, this is all they’ve ever known.”

She said that many women come from a culture where they are told this is acceptable behavior, and where they are repeatedly told to keep family matters within the family.

“Shame is a powerful motivator,” Ms. Olsen said.

She also spoke about systematic ways women are degraded.

“It’s not just the under-educated,” Ms. Olsen said. “I’ve had women who are doctors, lawyers and pharmacists who don’t know how much money they make because whenever they get money, they have to hand it over to their husbands, because he tells them they’re a woman and too stupid to handle money.

“One of the most empowering things we can do is take them to the bank to start their own checking or savings account,” she said. “Some of the women are shaking because they’re so scared, they think their husband might know they’re there.”

Ms. Olsen said many men will use the threat of violence as a method of control over their spouses and girlfriends.

Another speaker was Malinda Gavins, who is on the board of directors of the Ohio Domestic Violence Network and State Coalition for Domestic Violence Programs.

Stop Wounding Me With Your Mouth
When you talk to a domestic violence victim they will tell you they heal from (physical wounds) much more easily than the emotional wounds,” she said. “Those are the wounds the courts don’t want to deal with.”

Ms. Gavins said the youngest victim she’s seen was a teenager whose mother sold her into marriage, and the oldest victim she’s seen was an 82-year-old woman.

“She said the first time her husband beat her, she called her mother and her mother said, ‘Welcome to marriage,’ ” Ms. Gavins said.

She said that making degrading statements about women is something that has become commonplace in the culture and especially in genres of music, and urged parents to talk to their children, boys and girls, at an early age.

“They’re already hearing the music,” Ms. Gavins said.

The Rev. Patricia Tatum, pastor of New Life Covenant, said it is part of the church’s mission to reach out to victims of domestic violence. She said the church will be having classes for victims and anyone interested in attending should call 724-494-8735.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Emotional Abuse and Your Faith has a NEW look!

4 comments Posted by Hannah at 5:44 PM

The last couple of weeks I have been working on this new template for Emotional Abuse and Your Faith.

I would like to thank My Blogger for their help, and wonderful skill to help fellow bloggers with their own blogs.

I have been posting alot of lists lately, and I was basically starting new references for my home page.  I believe I'm pretty much done with that for now.  I just have a couple of pages left, and I SHOULD be done!.

I would love to hear what you think!

YOU can only change YOURSELF, but is that what they are really saying?

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:35 AM or some people use recently had one of their Administrator's post an article in the marriage section.  The article was called, "Domestic Violence within the Church: The Ugly Truth".  The article speaks of what most Christians would feel is a myth about domestic violence within the church walls.

A portion of the article read:
George sites a survey in which nearly 6,000 pastors were asked how they would counsel women who came to them for help with domestic violence. Twenty-six percent would counsel them the same way Marleen's pastor did: to continue to "submit" to her husband, no matter what. Twenty-five percent told wives the abuse was their own fault—for failing to submit in the first place. Astonishingly, 50 percent said women should be willing to "tolerate some level of violence" because it is better than divorce.
To say that some were stunned by the results is understatement.  I can't blame them, because to be honest I would have felt the same way years ago.  If I had NOT experienced this myself I doubt very much I would have believed such a statement.  If you think about it WHERE is the common sense behind the advice that so many pastors do indeed give?

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Abuse, Faith, Divorce and the media!

1 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:22 AM

I enjoy reading other blogs, and one of those is Adventure in Mercy. Molly has a wonderful writing style, and gets to the heart the matter in very moving ways.

Last night I went to her site again, and she mentioned that No Longer Quivering is having a Carnival from Nov. 1-4th. This just happens to be another blog I like to read from time to time as well!

The news was pretty exciting!

Beginning Sunday evening, Nov. 1st until we collapse sometime before midnight on Thursday the 5th ~ we’re creating a party-like atmosphere which includes fun & games ~ and even some cool prizes!

Just as soon as we published the dates for our carnival, I got a call asking me to appear on the Joy Behar Show ~ on Tuesday, Nov. 3.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Faith Based Presentations based on Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:29 PM

Faith Based Presentations based on Domestic Violence

United Methodist Domestic Violence Education Video

United Methodist Domestic Violence Education Video - MPEG Link

Interesting Comments on Forgiving

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing of Domestic Violence ..Direct Video Link at bottom

When Apologies are Dangerous - link at Bottom of post

Forgiveness - What is it?

Detours: Domestic Violence Sermon

Taking a Break From Words Sermon

Abuse you can see and hear

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:28 PM

Examples of Abuse, Definitions of Abuse

Without Remorse
Verbal Abuse of Children Caught on Tape
Series of Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse you hear, feel, and see  Super Nanny
Do you realize what your words can do?
Children of Uxoricide - when one parent kills the other
Emotional Abuse
Good information about emotional Abuse
Patrica Evans Verbal Abuse Board
Information on PTSD

Teen Abuse - covers both genders

Shows and Movies for Abuse Support

3 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:26 PM

Shows and Movies


Victim of Emotional Abuse Speaks out on the TODAY show. approx 9 minutes
Toxic Relationships on Today Show. approx 8 minutes
Toxic Relationships on Today Show PT II. approx 9 minutes
Hidden Victims of Domestic Voilence (Discovery Education Channel) 35 min.
Robin Givens Talks about Faith and Domestic Violence
Sacred Silence (Discovery Education Channel) 25 min.
20/20 Segment on domestic abuse
Series of Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse you hear, feel, and see  Super NannyChild Abuse: Family Matters (Discovery Education Channel) 25 min.


Breaking the Silence - Children's Stories of Domestic Violence

The Color Purple

What's Love Got To Do With It

Gospel of John Day 1

Gospel of John - Day 2

Gospel of John - Day 3

Facing the Giants

Cry for Help - The Tracy Thurman Story


0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:25 PM

Music Links

Adrenaline Big House

Chris Tomlin - Indescribable

Newsboys - He Reigns

Chris Tomlin - Amazing Grace

Mariah Carey - Side Effects

American Idol - Shout to the Lord

Cry Out To Jesus


How Far is Heaven

Jesus Loves You Whitney Houston

Kelly Clarkson - Because of you

Kirk Franklin - Imagine Me

Mariah Carey - Side Effects with Lyrics

Newsboys - He Reigns

Toni Childs - I've got to go now

Taylor Swift - Tell Me Why!

Taylor Swift - Mean

Blogs and Websites for Abuse

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:24 PM

Blogs and Websites

Because It Matters

Sanctuary for the Abused

Submission Tyranny in Church and Society

Adventures in Mercy

Quivering Daugthers

Woman Submit

Not Under Bondage

Battered Husband Support

Husband Abuse Blog

What about when Mom's the Abuser

Heart 2 Heart For Battered Men

Hotline For Men

Men's Advice Line - Scotland - For Victims

Under Much Grace

Possible sources for help for emotional abuse

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:22 PM

Possible sources of other types of help

Safety Plans - Always good to look at more than one!

Sanctuary for the Abused - Separation Safety Plan

Abigails Safety Plan - .pdf file

Focus Ministries Safety Plan - .pdf file

Abuse Devotionals, writing, Poems by: Jacky Hughes

ARIN WHOIS Database Search - look up IP addresses

Emotional Abuse
Good information about emotional Abuse


Freecycle - Helpful resource if looking for free household items

Legal Decisions Article

Patrica Evans Verbal Abuse Board

Information on PTSD

The Weaker Vessel - Abuser Database

Read Notify - tells you IP address and location of person sent it, etc.

Stalking Help Resource

Free Hugs - Makes you feel better!

Under Much Grace
Spiritual Abuse, Cults

G.R.A.C.E. (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment) Sexual abuse and molestion

RAINN Rape Abuse and Incest Network

Faith Based Domestic Violence Organizations

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:19 PM

Faith Based Domestic Violence Organizations

Broken People

Christian Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Dorcas Network

Faith Trust Institute

Focus Ministries

JSafe or Jewish Institute

PASCH - Peace and Safety

Rave - Religion and Violence eLearning

Keep in mind if you know of other organizations...let notify me so I can possibly add them to the list!

Hannah's Socks - What a Blessing!

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:45 AM

What a cute child isn't she?  This is little Hannah of Hannah's socks!

Hannah was a small girl and while helping her mother volunteer at a shelter one day noticed a man with torn shoes, and no socks at all.  She asked her mother if it was okay to give her socks to the man.

From the mouths of babes Hannah's Socks organization was started!

2009 Sock Count

Collected: 50,000 pairs
Our Goal: 60,000 pairs

That is the count so far for the year, and this organization would love your help!  They donate the socks to homeless shelters, and also domestic violence shelters as well.  Such a small thing that most of us don't think about as we take for granted our pairs of socks.

Volunteering at homeless shelters and organizations like this can be a very life changing experience for anyone.  I used to go with my parents as a child as well.  My father and I would take his plants that were overgrown, and repot them into smaller containers to bring with us when we go and volunteer.  Dad had a green thumb as the saying goes, and goodness we would get alot of smaller plants from one HUGE one that he had babied all year.  Lets just say our car was overloaded, and needed to be vacuumed each time when we got home! (giggles)

Giving back to the community will not only make your heart feel warm, but it does make a huge impact on others.  I was raised with that in mind, and have been doing so most of my life.  I encourage everyone to get involved even in a small way within your community, and maybe ask Hannah how to start your how "Hannah's Socks' in your area!

Help Hannah's Socks organization meet their goal!  They only have 10,000 pairs of socks left!  Hannahs's socks - What a blessing to many!

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Recommended Reading For Emotional Abuse

6 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:11 PM

Book Recommendations - If you have suggestions please share!

Behind The Hedge
Written by Waneta Dawn
Google Preview of Behind the Hedge
Waneta's Blog Submission Tyranny, in Church and Society

Book Description:
Yearning for a warm and loving marriage, Yvette works hard as a housewife and on their Iowa dairy farm to satisfy her husband, Luke, and tries to motivate him to be a loving and caring husband and father. But hidden behind his charming public facade, Luke is critical and demands more submission. With the help of her friend, Delores, Yvette grapples with the meaning and application of Biblical submission to her husband, changes how she relates to her husband, and endeavors to correct the misbeliefs of their teenaged sons, Greg and Kyle. Luke indoctrinates his wife and children on the meaning of submission and obedience. But one day he goes too far. Will their marriage survive the storm? Will Luke become the warm and loving husband Yvette craves? Will their daughter, Tanya, learn to trust her father?

Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand UP!
Written by Susan Greenfield
Google Preview of Would the Real Church PLEASE stand UP!
Susan Greenfield's Would the Real Church PLEASE stand UP! Blog

Book Description:
You will be challenged to Be the Real Church and Stand Up as you read this up close and personal account of living in an abusive environment. We can never know exactly what goes on behind the closed doors of other people's homes, but after reading Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand Up!, you will be more equipped to minister to victims of domestic violence. Maybe the victim is a neighbor, a co-worker, or a bank teller. Maybe the victim is your minister's wife. If you are in an abusive relationship, you will be encouraged and enlightened. Susan Greenfield is currently a divorced mother of two children. She works a secular job but is most passionate about ministering to battered women and educating people within the church about domestic violence.

Woman Submit!
Written by Jocelyn Andersen

Woman Submit Blog

Book Description:
The evangelical Christian woman whose spirit is being crushed and life possibly endangered by domestic violence is faced with a unique burden. She needs straight answers-not unrealistic expectations or clich├ęd, stereotypical platitudes. In the book Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence, by Jocelyn Andersen, she will get straight answers, clear scriptural direction, and some tough challenges from one who has been there but is there no longer.

Jocelyn's Newest book

Woman this is WAR! Gender, Slavery & the Evangelical Caste System

"Woman this is WAR...," Examines arguments traditionally used to keep men and women enslaved in illegitimate bondage based on sex, and just as the Bible did not condone the sin of slavery based on skin color, it also does not condone a slavery-like caste system based on gender. Jesus said we would know the truth and the truth would set us free. Andersen challenges Christian men and women to embrace and appreciate God-given gender distinctions without giving place to haughty spirits of superiority, degrading feelings of inferiority, hatred, prejudice, fear of one another's differences, or the sinful need to either be in charge or to submit in an idolatrous manner.

Not Under Bondage
Written by Barbara Roberts
Google Preview of Browse Not Under Bondage

Book Description:
The bible's teaching on divorce and remarriage has been interpreted in many ways. This poses a problem for the Christian community. When is divorce biblically permissible and when is it forbidden? And is remarriage ever permissible for a divorced Christian? The problem is particularly intense for Christian victims of marital abuse, who often believe they must choose between two unpleasant alternatives: endure abuse, or face condemnation by God and his church for disobeying the bible. Not Under Bondage, written by a survivor of domestic abuse, - explains the scriptural dilemmas of abuse victims - carefully examines the scriptures and scholarly research - shows how the bible sets victims of abuse free from bondage and guilt.


Breaking The Silence

Written By Anne O. Weatherholt Google Preview of Breaking the Silence: The Church Responds to Domestic Violence

Book Description:   

A handbook about domestic violence from a spiritual perspective, and the only one of its kind, Breaking the Silence contains important, action-oriented information about domestic violence and its pervasiveness in society. Sections include “myths” about domestic violence; a checklist to determine if a relationship is potentially violent; clergy resources for counseling, worship, and congregational outreach; rape; information for youth; and pages that can be customized with local and national contact numbers, e-mail addresses, and websites. Also includes questions for discussion and suggestions for using the book for training or as a youth and adult education tool.

This resource is limited to adult abuse, as the subject of child abuse is highly specialized and often includes many more laws and involvement from local agencies that will vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

We Suffered In Silence

Virginia and Robert Coombs have released “We Suffered in Silence,” which includes the courageous true story penned by deceased author Velva B. Holt, Virginia’s mother, about the devastating abuse she suffered while she was a pastor’s wife and the refusal of Church leaders to acknowledge the problem.

Book Description:
Dick had Good looks and Charisma. How could his parishioners know, or believe, that behind the Parsonage door, their beloved Pastor hid the Ugly Secret - of "deception." His 'emotional battering' stripped his wife, Carol, of her Self-Worth, Identity and Respect. His family "Suffered in Silence" while hiding, ever Darkening Spots, on his "Clerical Collar." Even Dick's Employer refused to believe the pleadings of his wife. * Are You a Pastor's Wife-hiding your shame of abuse behind makeup and an artificial smile? * Does Your 'Christian' Husband-use the Bible to Batter you into believing that you are a failure as a Christian and a wife? Religious Leaders MUST address the Explosion of domestic violence that hides behind the 'protected' doors of the Parsonage and the Christian home. The Church has been Silent and in Denial too long. Robert Coombs MA, In his Chapter, "The Blameless Man?" suggests ways in which Pastors and Christian Men can avoid stress, addictive behaviors and keep from falling into the 'Woman Trap.' He also recommends that the Church and Religious Organizations require accountability for their members and employees who are physically and emotionally abusive. Mable Dunbar, Ph.D., in her Chapter, "The Power of Emotional Healing" shows that "A Broken Woman or Man CAN be Repaired!" You don't need to "Suffer In Silence" anymore. By reading this book you can take the first step to Breaking the Silence. No more hiding; No more shame. You are "PRICELESS-NOT WORTHLESS" "For God has not given you the spirit of fear, but of Power, of Love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 Velva B. Holt - As a pastor's wife, she was involved in Women's Ministry, and was an accomplished pianist and music teacher. As an author, she had over 200 Christian Articles and poems published.

Violence Among Us

Written by Paula Silva and Brenda Branson

Book Description:
This book offers practical help in identifying abusive situations. It has strategic counseling tips, case studies and models of effective ministry to both the victim and the perpetrator. There are resource lists which include domestic violence hotlines and shelters, faith-based organizations, abuser treatment programs, and information on legal and safety issues.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship

iconWritten by Patricia Evans
Google Preview of The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Book Description:

Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse? If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. Highly Recommended.

Why Does He Do That?  Inside the minds of Angry and Controlling People
iconWritten By Lundy Bancroft
Google Preview of Why Does He Do That?

Book Description:

Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:

  • The early warning signs
  • Nine abusive personality types
  • How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
  • The role of drugs and alcohol
  • What can be fixed, and what can't
  • How to leave a relationship safely

    The Battered Wife:  How Christians Confront Family Violence

    Written by Nancy Nason Clark
    Google Preview of The Battered Wife:  How Christians Confront Family Violence

    Book Description:

    The authors sociological research reveals how churches and secular organization have responded--sometimes with assistance, sometimes not--to victims of violence in their midst and how their response could be more effective. By exploring the relationship between violence and Christians' response to it from various perspectives--those of victim, clergy, congregation--this book ultimately encourages a pastoral assistance that reduces violence in the world and helps victims find the inner strength to leave their gardens.


    Refuge from Abuse: Healing and Hope for Abused Christian Women

    Written by Nancy Nason Clark and Catherine Clark Kroeger
     Google Preview of Refuge From Abuse:  Healing and Hope for the Abused Christian Woman

    Book Description:

    Nancy-Nason Clark and Catherine Clark Kroeger know the pain of women who have been abused, especially the unique pain of Christian women who thought it couldn't happen to them. In this straightforward, practical book they supply the answers to the questions you face:
    How do I know I need help? How much of my story should I tell? What help can I find in the community? What key steps will I need to take to get on with my life? How can I understand what help my abuser needs? How do I learn to trust God again?

    "We believe the Bible’s message is clear: God speaks out against violence. Peace and safety are the biblical building blocks for family living. When there is no peace or safety, a relationship is not healthy. The journey toward hope, healing and wholeness will be long and hard. . . . [But] on this path, victims are transformed into survivors. We invite you to begin the journey."

    When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
    iconWritten by Lundy Bancroft
    Book Description:
    Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother?

    Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Here, a counselor reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children-and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.

    This book, the first ever of its kind, shows mothers how to:

    - Protect children and help them heal emotionally
    - Provide love, support, and positive role models, even in the midst of abuse
    - Increase their chances of winning custody
    - Help their kids feel good about themselves

    Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse

    iconWritten By:  Paul Hegstrom

    Book Description:
    Domestic abuse knows no boundaries. Despite a dramatic increase in public awareness, it defiantly rears its ugly head, both physically and emotionally, in the homes of the rich as well as the poor, newlyweds as well as long-married couples, Christians as well as non-Christians.

    Paul Hegstrom should know. From the earliest years of his marriage, he handled his problems and frustrations the only way he knew how: with fists and fury. Talking about the problem only intensified his rage. Going into the Christian ministry didn't help either, the guilt merely magnified his despair. Facing a charge of attempted murder and a prison term, Hegstrom got the wake-up call he needed. With professional help and an intense struggle with spiritual issues, he began the lengthy process of healing and recovery.

    Through a fascinating, yet thorough examination of the psychological components of various types of abuse, along with true examples from his own life and others, Hegstrom points the way back to wholeness and freedom. An invaluable aid for the man who batters, the woman who feels trapped, and the pastor, counselor, or friend who desperately want to help them both, Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them offers straight answers for those willing to overcome the cycle of violence.

    Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder

    Written By: Billy Eddy and Randi Kreger

    Book Description: Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse
    Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better-many of these "persuasive blamers" leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way.

    Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse.

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