Behind The Hedge
Written by Waneta Dawn
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Waneta's Blog Submission Tyranny, in Church and Society
Book Description:
Yearning for a warm and loving marriage, Yvette works hard as a housewife and on their Iowa dairy farm to satisfy her husband, Luke, and tries to motivate him to be a loving and caring husband and father. But hidden behind his charming public facade, Luke is critical and demands more submission. With the help of her friend, Delores, Yvette grapples with the meaning and application of Biblical submission to her husband, changes how she relates to her husband, and endeavors to correct the misbeliefs of their teenaged sons, Greg and Kyle. Luke indoctrinates his wife and children on the meaning of submission and obedience. But one day he goes too far. Will their marriage survive the storm? Will Luke become the warm and loving husband Yvette craves? Will their daughter, Tanya, learn to trust her father?
Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand UP!
Written by Susan Greenfield
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Susan Greenfield's Would the Real Church PLEASE stand UP! Blog
Book Description:
You will be challenged to Be the Real Church and Stand Up as you read this up close and personal account of living in an abusive environment. We can never know exactly what goes on behind the closed doors of other people's homes, but after reading Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand Up!, you will be more equipped to minister to victims of domestic violence. Maybe the victim is a neighbor, a co-worker, or a bank teller. Maybe the victim is your minister's wife. If you are in an abusive relationship, you will be encouraged and enlightened. Susan Greenfield is currently a divorced mother of two children. She works a secular job but is most passionate about ministering to battered women and educating people within the church about domestic violence.
Woman Submit!
Written by Jocelyn Andersen
Woman Submit Blog
Book Description:
The evangelical Christian woman whose spirit is being crushed and life possibly endangered by domestic violence is faced with a unique burden. She needs straight answers-not unrealistic expectations or clichéd, stereotypical platitudes. In the book Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence, by Jocelyn Andersen, she will get straight answers, clear scriptural direction, and some tough challenges from one who has been there but is there no longer.
Jocelyn's Newest book
Woman this is WAR! Gender, Slavery & the Evangelical Caste System
"Woman this is WAR...," Examines arguments traditionally used to keep men and women enslaved in illegitimate bondage based on sex, and just as the Bible did not condone the sin of slavery based on skin color, it also does not condone a slavery-like caste system based on gender. Jesus said we would know the truth and the truth would set us free. Andersen challenges Christian men and women to embrace and appreciate God-given gender distinctions without giving place to haughty spirits of superiority, degrading feelings of inferiority, hatred, prejudice, fear of one another's differences, or the sinful need to either be in charge or to submit in an idolatrous manner.
Not Under Bondage
Written by Barbara Roberts
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Book Description:
The bible's teaching on divorce and remarriage has been interpreted in many ways. This poses a problem for the Christian community. When is divorce biblically permissible and when is it forbidden? And is remarriage ever permissible for a divorced Christian? The problem is particularly intense for Christian victims of marital abuse, who often believe they must choose between two unpleasant alternatives: endure abuse, or face condemnation by God and his church for disobeying the bible. Not Under Bondage, written by a survivor of domestic abuse, - explains the scriptural dilemmas of abuse victims - carefully examines the scriptures and scholarly research - shows how the bible sets victims of abuse free from bondage and guilt.
Breaking The Silence
Written By Anne O. Weatherholt Google Preview of Breaking the Silence: The Church Responds to Domestic Violence
Book Description:
A handbook about domestic violence from a spiritual perspective, and the only one of its kind, Breaking the Silence contains important, action-oriented information about domestic violence and its pervasiveness in society. Sections include “myths” about domestic violence; a checklist to determine if a relationship is potentially violent; clergy resources for counseling, worship, and congregational outreach; rape; information for youth; and pages that can be customized with local and national contact numbers, e-mail addresses, and websites. Also includes questions for discussion and suggestions for using the book for training or as a youth and adult education tool.
This resource is limited to adult abuse, as the subject of child abuse is highly specialized and often includes many more laws and involvement from local agencies that will vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.
We Suffered In Silence
Virginia and Robert Coombs have released “We Suffered in Silence,” which includes the courageous true story penned by deceased author Velva B. Holt, Virginia’s mother, about the devastating abuse she suffered while she was a pastor’s wife and the refusal of Church leaders to acknowledge the problem.
Book Description:
Dick had Good looks and Charisma. How could his parishioners know, or believe, that behind the Parsonage door, their beloved Pastor hid the Ugly Secret - of "deception." His 'emotional battering' stripped his wife, Carol, of her Self-Worth, Identity and Respect. His family "Suffered in Silence" while hiding, ever Darkening Spots, on his "Clerical Collar." Even Dick's Employer refused to believe the pleadings of his wife. * Are You a Pastor's Wife-hiding your shame of abuse behind makeup and an artificial smile? * Does Your 'Christian' Husband-use the Bible to Batter you into believing that you are a failure as a Christian and a wife? Religious Leaders MUST address the Explosion of domestic violence that hides behind the 'protected' doors of the Parsonage and the Christian home. The Church has been Silent and in Denial too long. Robert Coombs MA, In his Chapter, "The Blameless Man?" suggests ways in which Pastors and Christian Men can avoid stress, addictive behaviors and keep from falling into the 'Woman Trap.' He also recommends that the Church and Religious Organizations require accountability for their members and employees who are physically and emotionally abusive. Mable Dunbar, Ph.D., in her Chapter, "The Power of Emotional Healing" shows that "A Broken Woman or Man CAN be Repaired!" You don't need to "Suffer In Silence" anymore. By reading this book you can take the first step to Breaking the Silence. No more hiding; No more shame. You are "PRICELESS-NOT WORTHLESS" "For God has not given you the spirit of fear, but of Power, of Love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 Velva B. Holt - As a pastor's wife, she was involved in Women's Ministry, and was an accomplished pianist and music teacher. As an author, she had over 200 Christian Articles and poems published.
Violence Among Us
Written by Paula Silva and Brenda Branson
Book Description:
This book offers practical help in identifying abusive situations. It has strategic counseling tips, case studies and models of effective ministry to both the victim and the perpetrator. There are resource lists which include domestic violence hotlines and shelters, faith-based organizations, abuser treatment programs, and information on legal and safety issues.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship
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Book Description:
Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse? If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. Highly Recommended.
Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of Angry and Controlling People
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Book Description:
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
- The early warning signs
- Nine abusive personality types
- How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
- The role of drugs and alcohol
- What can be fixed, and what can't
- How to leave a relationship safely
The Battered Wife: How Christians Confront Family Violence
Written by Nancy Nason Clark
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Book Description:
The authors sociological research reveals how churches and secular organization have responded--sometimes with assistance, sometimes not--to victims of violence in their midst and how their response could be more effective. By exploring the relationship between violence and Christians' response to it from various perspectives--those of victim, clergy, congregation--this book ultimately encourages a pastoral assistance that reduces violence in the world and helps victims find the inner strength to leave their gardens.
Refuge from Abuse: Healing and Hope for Abused Christian Women
Written by Nancy Nason Clark and Catherine Clark Kroeger
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Book Description:
Nancy-Nason Clark and Catherine Clark Kroeger know the pain of women who have been abused, especially the unique pain of Christian women who thought it couldn't happen to them. In this straightforward, practical book they supply the answers to the questions you face:
How do I know I need help? How much of my story should I tell? What help can I find in the community? What key steps will I need to take to get on with my life? How can I understand what help my abuser needs? How do I learn to trust God again?
"We believe the Bible’s message is clear: God speaks out against violence. Peace and safety are the biblical building blocks for family living. When there is no peace or safety, a relationship is not healthy. The journey toward hope, healing and wholeness will be long and hard. . . . [But] on this path, victims are transformed into survivors. We invite you to begin the journey."
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
Book Description:
Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother?
Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Here, a counselor reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children-and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.
This book, the first ever of its kind, shows mothers how to:
- Protect children and help them heal emotionally
- Provide love, support, and positive role models, even in the midst of abuse
- Increase their chances of winning custody
- Help their kids feel good about themselves
Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse
Book Description:
Domestic abuse knows no boundaries. Despite a dramatic increase in public awareness, it defiantly rears its ugly head, both physically and emotionally, in the homes of the rich as well as the poor, newlyweds as well as long-married couples, Christians as well as non-Christians.
Paul Hegstrom should know. From the earliest years of his marriage, he handled his problems and frustrations the only way he knew how: with fists and fury. Talking about the problem only intensified his rage. Going into the Christian ministry didn't help either, the guilt merely magnified his despair. Facing a charge of attempted murder and a prison term, Hegstrom got the wake-up call he needed. With professional help and an intense struggle with spiritual issues, he began the lengthy process of healing and recovery.
Through a fascinating, yet thorough examination of the psychological components of various types of abuse, along with true examples from his own life and others, Hegstrom points the way back to wholeness and freedom. An invaluable aid for the man who batters, the woman who feels trapped, and the pastor, counselor, or friend who desperately want to help them both, Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them offers straight answers for those willing to overcome the cycle of violence.
Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Written By: Billy Eddy and Randi Kreger
Book Description: Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse
Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better-many of these "persuasive blamers" leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way.
Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse.
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6 comments:
There's a new book just out on domestic violence called "Knight in Tarnished Armor" by Erin Donovan. It's a must read for anyone in a domestic violence relationship or anyone who knows someone in a DV relationship and doesn't have a clue what the victim is going through. It's an actual account of this woman's story of abuse, how she got through and some really good advice at the end about taking control and getting out. It's not a lot of psychology, just common sense..."I've been through it and here's what I learned..." advice. You can buy it directly from her website and the all money goes to abuse organizations or to print more books. A friend of mine bought me one because of what I went through with my ex. I couldn't put it down. The website is www.knightintarnishedarmor.com.
Thank you for sharing! Its also good to hear about new and exciting resources!
I would like to recommend a really good book for your readers. The Secret Lives of Ministers' Wives. This is the Amazon link. http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Lives-Ministers-Wives-Beyond/dp/1432758934/ref=wl_it_dp_o_npd?ie=UTF8&coliid=I1FDAJHQBRFUFW&colid=VFOZWSIZQTOJ
While I'm glad that this formerly taboo subject among Christians is being brought out into the open, I'm concerned that a subsection of abused people are still not being heard, namely those being abused by their wives, mothers, grandmothers etc. It doesn't seem politically correct to admit that women can also be abusive. When I became violent towards my husband on several occasions a few years ago, I was horrified when a counsellor seemed to be trying to make excuses for my behaviour, on the grounds that something he was doing was making me "desperate". She implied that female violence was somehow different from male violence. Well dh was behaving obnoxiously, but that was NO excuse for what I did. I told the counsellor what she should have told me, that I was 100% responsible for my own behaviour, and ironically that was the turning point for me! I decided among other things that I would not talk about my husband's issues in the same conversation as talking about my hitting, so that nobody including myself would be tempted to blame him for being hit. It worked. I stopped hitting and learned better ways to manage anger and to respond to dh's behaviour.
My mother's behaviour was emotionally/verbally abusive for several years. I also have no fewer than four female inlaws whose behaviour is abusive (two of them may have personality disorders).
I read somewhere that it's supposed to be more difficult to persuade an abusive (especially verbally abusive) woman to stop than an abusive man, and I wonder if the real reason is the kind of approach that counsellor tried to use with me. I shudder to think what I might have become like if I'd gone along with it.
Again, I'm glad the subject of abuse in general is being exposed, and also the subject of how the Church has repressed women in general. However, please, please give equal voice to those whose abusers are female. Female violence or emotional abusiveness is NOT different from male violence or male emotional abusiveness. It's just as damaging to make excuses for abusive women as it is to make excuses for abusive men.
Anonymous 4 Thank you for your comments. Abuse is not based on gender as you know, and that is why I noted my thoughts on gender in the banner of my blog. I truly believe it.
I do have resources, and also have written about female on male abuse. I used some scenes from Teen Mom for one example. That girl needs some seriously help!
Sadly, I don't think it matters whom you are people have a hard time wrapping their heads about someone being abused - without the victim blaming. I spoke about that on a program for blog talk radio recently. They tend to think victims are wimps for some reason, and I actually believe they maybe some of the strongest people we know. IMO.
allthough I agree that abuse is not definded by gender. I believe that certan "christian type abuse" aspects ARE gender related. more than once my father used the fact that he was the "male head of the house" to justify his actions, amoung other bible verses.
Allthough, I am willing to admit I might be wrong on this. And willing to learn if I am.
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