Saturday, August 23, 2008

Adventist Church's annual Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day

3 comments Posted by Hannah at 6:59 AM

Today is the Annual Prevention Emphasis Day, and I found an article an Adventist News Network I wanted to share.

The Adventist Church's annual Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day, held August 23 this year, is part of a wider effort to curtail abuse within and outside of the church by changing attitudes, says Heather-Dawn Small, Woman's Ministries director for the world Adventist Church.

Excuses cannot be part of the church's message against abuse. So says Heather-Dawn Small, the no-nonsense Trinidadian who helps craft the world Seventh-day Adventist Church's formidable yet sensitive approach to abuse prevention.

Since she began directing Women's Ministries for the world church in 2001, Small, 50, has fought reluctance by some within the church to admit the reality of abuse. She applauded the church when it voted to add an Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day to its calendar of special Sabbaths, now held the fourth Sabbath of every August. But with local pastors telling her that 70 to 80 percent of their home counseling focuses on domestic abuse, she says the remaining 364 days are just as vital.

Given her ambitious travel schedule, luckily the former director of Children's and Women's Ministries for the church in the Caribbean is fond of flying. But helping church members respect each other and become partners in the church's ministry is what propels her.

In the run-up to the church's seventh annual Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day, August 23, Small spoke to ANN about the church's responsibility to convince every member that abuse is unconscionable, regardless of culture or upbringing. And, she explained that while the church is not equipped to comprehensively handle abuse, it can and should serve as a conduit, connecting abused women to local legal and counseling agencies. Excerpts:

Adventist News Network: Since the Adventist Church established Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day, what specifically has been addressed?

Heather-Dawn Small: We've focused on child abuse and domestic violence, particularly spousal abuse, which is a big problem in the church. During the first couple of years, most of what we emphasized was creating an awareness of abuse in general. It's only in recent years that we've begun to deal very specifically with topics, such as Abuse of Power, which is this year's theme.

ANN: Are your efforts well received?

Small: We've generally gotten very good feedback. There are those people who still think, 'Well, do we really need to handle this in the church?' or 'Do we have to bring this up on Sabbath?' But that attitude is getting rarer. It's more like it was long overdue that the church would actually have an abuse prevention day and that materials would be provided.

ANN: You travel extensively. Where do you find that the church's anti-abuse message is best latching on and what tactics seem to be most effective?

Small: I just got back from Uganda and Kenya. In Africa, there is definitely a lot of progress being made. Because of the culture in some of these countries, abuse to some extent is almost regarded as a "right" of the husband. I know in the Caribbean, where I come from, that was a longstanding problem. It isn't now, but it took years and years to reverse that thinking. In countries where that mindset is still pervasive, the church is partnering with governments and other churches to speak out against it and launch programs that will sweep through the community, not just within the church. It's more effective than for us to try to do it on our own. If there is a community-based program or government initiative against domestic violence already there, why shouldn't we join them?

ANN: What would you single out as one of the biggest challenges the church faces in working to end abuse?

Small: There's very little we can do to immediately change the mindset of the man, and sometimes even the woman. As we keep talking about [abuse prevention], attitudes slowly change. You see, it doesn't happen overnight. Some people may think, 'OK, fine, we've talked about abuse,' and then forget about it, but it's only as we reiterate our message and keep it at the forefront that things begin to change.

ANN: How far-reaching is the church's message against abuse? Are there limits to what the church can accomplish?

Small: Our goal is to create environments where women feel safe opening up. I think that's one of the roles that a Women's Ministries department fills -- it's a place where women can feel safe approaching a leader or another woman and saying, 'Listen, I have a problem.' This has happened to me countless times as I've traveled and I always try to connect these women with a social worker through the local Women's Ministries director. As a church, we are not equipped to properly handle addressing the abuse itself, even though we are creating an awareness of the problem. That's why we have to partner with legal and counseling agencies that are already in the community.

ANN: The church doesn't cite abuse as a valid reason for divorce. How do you advise women who are in dangerous and unworkable situations?

Small: Being a pastor's wife for many years, and now directing Women's Ministries, the immediate concern is for the wellbeing of the woman and her children. In many cases, the woman has to escape. Of course the challenge is that if there are no shelters, where does she escape to? Church members are sometimes afraid to open up their own homes in case the husband comes and harms them as well. Sometimes the church will help the woman relocate. I know the question of divorce can get quite complicated, and while I don't see it being an immediate option, I'm not going to rule it out because there are women who have resorted to divorce when their husbands refuse to get help. But our immediate concern is that the women get out of the environment if it is harmful or hurtful.

ANN: You've said that it's difficult to change ingrained attitudes toward abuse. At what age can children begin to learn appropriate behavior patterns so that new generations can hopefully reverse old thinking?

Small: In South America, the church has a program targeting elementary children. They create characters and stories with pictures that teach kids about child abuse and domestic violence. There are materials available, people go into the schools dressed up as these characters -- they sing, they act, they dance and the kids learn how to respect others and how to respect themselves. Their theme right now is Abuse of the Elderly. I visited Brazil earlier this year and was amazed by how well thought-out the program is. And when we start with the children, we're looking at the next generation coming up. When we put into their minds the importance of respect for others and themselves, I think that message is going to stay with them, and it's impacting their parents as well.

ANN: Have you noticed any factors that seem to influence attitudes toward abuse?

Small: Social standing and education levels, unfortunately, mean nothing, whether we're talking about the abuser or the abused. This is such a big challenge. We'd like to be able to say education level changes things, that people begin to see that this is wrong, but we don't see that happening.

ANN: For Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day resource materials, you've said that you're now honing in on specific abuse topics rather than the more umbrella-like treatment of previous years. What themes have yet to be addressed?

Small: While we've talked about child abuse, we've not specifically targeted child sexual abuse, but I think that -- as you can see from the news -- this is a huge problem. Similarly, when we've talked about spousal abuse, we've not talked about the abuser. I think that's something we're going to have to deal with. Do we just condemn these people, or do we still consider them children of God? After the abuse itself has been addressed, after the law and social workers have gotten involved, do we seek to rehabilitate the abuser? We also need to find what it is that causes young women to stay with a man who is abusive, even before they're in a marriage. We're discovering that quite a lot of domestic violence begins long before the vows are said. We need to ask how we can help young women make the right choices and see themselves as being worthy of something better.

ANN World News Bulletin is a review of news and information issued by the Communication department from the Seventh-day Adventist Church World Headquarters and released as part of the service of Adventist News Network. It is made available primarily to religious news editors. Our news includes dispatches from the church's international offices and the world headquarters.

Reproduction Requirements:
Reproduction of information in this article is encouraged. When reproducing this material, in full or in part, the words "Source: Adventist News Network" must appear under the headline or immediately following the article. The words "Source: Adventist News Network" must be given equal prominence to any other source that is also acknowledged.

Ground 7 News Podcast:
Ground 7 News is a review of news and information issued by the Communication Department from the Seventh-day Adventist Church World Headquarters and released as part of the service of Adventist News Network. Reproduction of the ANN podcast is encouraged. When rebroadcasting this material, in full or in part, the words "Source: Adventist News Network" must be mentioned before and after the podcast.

ANN Staff:
Rajmund Dabrowski, director; Ansel Oliver, assistant director; Elizabeth Lechleitner, editorial coordinator; Megan Brauner, editorial assistant. Portuguese translation by Azenilto Brito, Spanish translation by Marcos Paseggi, Italian translation by Vincenzo Annunziata and Lina Ferrara and French translations by Stephanie Elofer.

What an awesome idea for awareness of domestic abuse! Congratulations Adventist Church's around the world! Thank you!

Friday, August 22, 2008

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing of Domestic Violence

6 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:49 AM

I remember years ago I found something from rbc ministries about domestic violence within Christian Marriages. I believe I posted in on this blog as well. I will have to find it, and place a link here. It was a rather long article about domestic abuse within Christian marriages, and since it was part the of the beginning of my journey it was a sense of relief of finding at least SOMETHING that related to this issue of abuse.

Okay. I did find things here and there about domestic violence within the church on the web, but most of it showed me they clearly didn't understand the issue. I started this blog at a time that I was personally searching for answers, and when I found something of interest...I would quote the source, link it, and copy every word! I was afraid that they would change their mind, and remove it from their site. You will notice there wasn't to much of my opinion towards the beginning, because I was used to everyone asking me to HUSH!

I found another article on there recently, and the author mentioned video that the ministry put together. It does speak about domestic abuse, and how at times the violence within the home can be worse than the divorce. I realize divorce can be a hot button for people, but isn't their main focus. They were trying to make a point of NOT glossy over the impact of domestic violence.

Towards the beginning they mentioned this book below!

The author mentions on the video how domestic violence is more than just getting angry. How its not about anger at all. How its more about CONTROL! How men have abused their power, and how they use that power to create fear to control the wife and household. How they may not have HIT their wifes, but how they use fear to show, "you MESS with me at all and here is what I will do to you!" Threats, name calling, abuse of pets, tearing phones out of the wall, removing parts to the car so you can't drive, accusing you of cheating, etc.

They do an interview with a lady named, Julie Owens who comes from a family of Pastors. She married and quickly found that her husband had a different side of him. Her family suggested counseling, and he did go to counseling for a short period of time. The abuse got worse, and shortly after her baby was born she left. She came to her parents house one night after filing for divorce, and while getting the baby out of the car he came up from behind her and attacked her. Dragged her into the house, and told her he was going to wait for her father to return home. Her father did return, and he was ready for him! She tried to stop him, and her husband stabbed her in the stomach. He then CUT her father across the forehead - in which he received over 40 stitches during the struggle to defend himself.

That next Sunday he got up, and told the church what had been happening. How his son in law had attacked him. He opened the church up to the freedom of speaking of domestic abuse. The pastor then found out quickly how the counsel that most churches give for this issue is more hurtful than helpful.

The heart of God is to protect the vulerable.

How Jesus, Peter and others showed how you shouldn't have to take avoidable suffering.

They speak of the famous "God Hates Divorce" speech that everyone is familiar with! How they are taking part of the sentence, and not incorporating the story that this sentence was taken from. God does hate divorce, but he also hates the violence.

Children of abusive relationships have a hard time sleeping, and have a hard time concentrating at school at times. They know no one is safe. They don't know what safety in the home is.

Psalm 11 speaks about how God hates the violent person.

Proverbs 6 God lists things again, and one of those is how he hates one that lifts his hand to shed innocent blood.

The problem isn't the bible its the misuse of scripture. The misinterupation of scripture. God doesn't wish others to enable violence to continue. Separation at times places the ball in the abusers court to see the damage they are doing. It allows time for both parties to get healing and the help they need. I believe its doing the abuser a favor so they will look at themselves, and I pray they do get the help they need. People that discourage separation because they are afraid of divorce? They are the first to tell the abused to have enough faith to allow God to do his work, but yet their faith isn't strong enough to think it can be done within 4 walls of safety. To me that is very telling. They push faith upon broken people as a tool, but they are not willing to use that tool themselves. I have to ask...where is their faith?

Here is the first video about domestic violence presented by Rbc Ministries. It should work, but if it doesn't here is the direct link to the domestic abuse video for RBC Ministries.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Church Responds to Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:37 AM

PEACE AND SAFETY IN THE CHRISTIAN HOME or PASCH is having an Event Called Partnering for Change: the Church Responds to Domestic Violence

Grab a Copy of PASCH poster to hang up and make public!

The are certainly having some awesome speakers there that are very well versed in domestic violence. It sounds like it will be an awesome program!

Speakers include:

Lundy Bancroft (author of Why Does He Do That?)
Steve Tracy (author of Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse)
Carolyn Rexius (director of Christians Addressing Family Abuse)
Nancy Nason-Clark
Julie Owens
Barbara Fisher-Townsend
Catherine Kroeger

Join us October 10-12, 2008, Columbus Day weekend

At the Sligo Seventh-day Adventist Church in suburban Takoma Park, Maryland

Check out the schedule for the Pasch event!

Wish I could go it looks like an awesome program! Good luck PASCH, and thank you for all you do in addressing domestic violence within the church!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Pastor Charged with Domestic Violence and DUI

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:44 AM

According to WSPA Dr. William Crews of The Awakening Hour has been charged with DUI, and a couple of days later was charged with domestic violence.

According to his website he is an alcholic, but admits to drinking some wine for medical reasons to the police. A couple of days later in his home his wife had to call the police due to domestic violence.

By Chris Cato
Published: August 12, 2008

The Highway Patrol says evangelist Dr. William Crews put lives in danger on the interstate, two days before his arrest on domestic violence charges.

Crews is the pastor of Unity Baptist Church in Moore, but is better known as the host of the internationally broadcast religious program “The Awakening Hour”.

On Tuesday, News Channel 7 learned Crews faces charges of driving under the influence and violating state liquor laws. A spokesperson for Highway Patrol Troop 6 says Crews was arrested on I-95 in Dorchester County on July 27th. The spokesperson says motorists called 911, saying Crews’ car was swerving across lanes and “driving very fast” near mile marker 55. The spokesperson says a state trooper caught up with Crews at mile marker 72 and pulled him over. He says Crews “appeared to be intoxicated” and failed field sobriety tests. He also says there was an open liquor bottle in the pastor’s car.

73-year old Crews was booked into Dorchester County Detention Center and released the next day on $1250 bond. The spokesperson would not say what Crews’ blood-alcohol level was at the time of his arrest because it will be used as evidence in his prosecution.

Crews denies driving drunk, but admits that he drank wine before getting into his car that day.

“I have a heart condition called atrial fibrillation,” said Crews in a phone interview. “I have found that the only way I can control it is by drinking a little alcohol.”

Crews says he drank “less than a half a bottle” of wine and put the empty bottle in his car before getting behind the wheel.

“I wasn’t drunk,” says Crews. “I didn’t drink enough to make me drunk.” When asked why motorists reported him swerving across lanes of traffic, Crews says he was trying to dial a number on his cell phone and lost control of his vehicle. He claims he was not speeding. And he says he never took a field sobriety test.

“The trooper never made me take a test,” says Crews. He claims he was charged with DUI without proper cause and will fight the charges in court.

Two days after the DUI arrest, Crews was arrested at his Inman home on a charge of criminal domestic violence. An incident report from the Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office states that Crews came home intoxicated and got into an argument with his wife. In the report, his wife states that he became enraged and threatened her, making her “fear for her safety” so she grabbed a pistol and locked herself in a bathroom. She called a relative who called 911. Later she told the deputy that Crews has hit her in the past but she has never reported it.

When reached for comment, Dr. Freda Crews, the pastor’s wife, did not wish to comment on the domestic incident itself, but stated that the argument was the result of her husband’s recent DUI arrest. She says she and her husband have agreed to live apart for the time being. Crews tells News Channel 7 he is now attending classes for anger management and alcohol abuse.

The website for “The Awakening Hour” says the program is seen in 125 countries. It states that early in his life, Dr. Crews was a professional pool hustler who became an alcoholic before being saved and entering the ministry. He has pastored numerous churches throughout the south, including East Gaffney Baptist Church.


Our prayers are with all involved, and I truly pray that he gets the help he needs within the classes he is partcipating in. Domestic violence can even happen within the homes of clergy. I hope the pastor and his wife continue to heal.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Church Mourns Mother Daugther Victims of Domestic Violence

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:22 AM

Keller Citizen is reporting a double murder-suicide due to domestic violence. Its truly a sad statement as you read this they both - wife and daugther - were speaking of troubles at home.

Friday, Aug. 15, 2008
Mourners pack service for private family

A photo of Mailen Pizarro-Vece, 14, was hung on her north Fort Worth home and signed by those grieving her death. It is part of a makeshift memorial to her and her mother, Eliana Vece, 36, victims of an apparent double murder-suicide last week.

Black ribbons draped across two empty chairs in the second row of Primera Iglesia Bautista of Keller, where a mother and daughter sat side by side during church services each week. Surrounded by a sea of slumped shoulders and bowed heads, it was a monument to the emptiness felt at a memorial service Sunday.

More than 150 people gathered at the Baptist church for the evening service for Eliana Vece, 36, and Mailen Pizarro-Vece, 14, whose violent deaths last week sent friends, neighbors and co-workers into a state of sorrow and shock.

"You never think anything like that would happen," neighbor Kirk Beckstrand said.

Fort Worth police found the two women’s bodies in the bedroom of their home in the 4600 block of Birchbend Lane the evening of Aug. 6. Each had been shot in the head, police said, by their husband and stepfather, James Vece, 44, before he turned the pistol on himself.

With no criminal record or history of domestic violence, his motive is unclear. The case is still under investigation, but detectives hope to uncover evidence pointing to the motive within the week, police Sgt. John D. Thornton said Tuesday.

Though no one knows for sure what happened, neighbors across the street told police they heard angry screaming coming from the house at about 1:30 a.m. Aug. 5, followed by a few loud pops they thought were firecrackers. Officers were called to the house after Eliana Vece, a teacher, missed two days of work without notifying her school.

The Rev. Roland Johnson, the church’s pastor, said Eliana often asked for prayers about issues with her husband at home, but she never offered details. Neighbors knew much less, and Eliana’s co-workers said she worked constantly and didn’t talk about herself much.

The husband and wife "used to take walks around the street together and kind of stopped doing it," said long-time neighbor David Jennings, who walked Mailen to the bus stop everyday since she was in elementary school. "I have a feeling he was very strict."

James’s only known family is a father in Killeen. Eliana’s parents and brother in Mendoza, Argentina, were notified, but no family was at the memorial.

James and Eliana were married in 2002, and James adopted Mailen last spring. They moved into their north Fort Worth home in 2003. Eliana and Mailen immigrated from Argentina in 2000.

Mailen’s boyfriend, Juan Sebastian Caycedo, said he knew her father well, and described him as over-protective but loving.

"He was always trying to solve problems, mechanical or whatever. And he was always trying to give you advice," Juan said.

James drove the young couple to a local water park this past summer. He was an involved father, Juan said, and "I never saw him drink."

Mailen had talked about her parents being tired of fighting, but "I never expected anything like this would happen," Juan said.

Mailen spent most of her time with her boyfriend and didn’t have many close friends. She was baptized last spring, a few months after Juan began bringing her to the church. Eliana began attending the church a short time later.

Mailen was a student at Hillwood Middle School who was scheduled to start classes at Central High School this month.

"She always said, 'I want to pray for my mom,’ " said Carmen Martinez, wife of the church’s youth pastor.

Her mother was a first-grade bilingual teacher at Brandenburg Elementary School in Irving and worked part time at Motorola during the summer. Eliana got a master’s degree in education last fall from Texas Wesleyan University in Fort Worth and was studying to become a principal.

She once planned to spend a week vacationing in Houston with Mailen, but they never went; "she had to work a lot to make a living, so [Mailen] didn’t really see her much," Juan said.

Much of the Brandenburg faculty attended the memorial service, taking turns praising their co-worker for her work ethic and dedication.

"She never stopped learning," said former assistant principal, Michael Crotty. "She used to tell her students, 'There’s no excuse. You can do this. You can learn.’ "

My prayers are with these victims of domestic abuse within the church.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Candlelight vigil pays tribute to domestic violence victims

1 comments Posted by Hannah at 1:19 PM

Newsjournalonline has this article on domestic violence and the church:

Candlelight vigil pays tribute to domestic violence victims
Staff Writer
DAYTONA BEACH -- It took a man pumping bullets into his longtime girlfriend's body, the life draining out of her with their four children within earshot, to bring them together.

Something incredibly ugly turned into something beautiful Sunday night, as dozens of people decked out in dresses and suits and clutching flickering candles stood outside an aging red brick church, sending prayers into the overcast sky as it changed from gray to black.

Their songs and petitions echoed down Mary McLeod Bethune Boulevard as they gathered beside New Mount Zion Missionary Baptist Church to remember a woman killed two weeks ago, and all of those who have suffered similar abuse.

"Let women know they're better than a piece of meat to beat on," one local pastor told the crowd. "We can meet here all night long, but if our minds are not changed, nothing will happen."

"The only reason this continues is because we're silent," another pastor said.

"The violence needs to stop," the crowd chanted loudly, over and over and over.

The candlelight vigil was inspired by the slaying of 31-year-old Kyishi Dowdell, who police say was shot to death Aug. 4 by her ex-boyfriend, Craig Flynt.

Dowdell's life with the 37-year-old Flynt became riddled with abuse, and the tumultuous relationship ended when he chased her in the darkness and shot her to death in a neighbor's yard on Maley Street, police and family members have said. Flynt has been charged with first-degree murder.

VIDEO: --Daytona Police Chief talks about the murder
06 Aug 2008
While the final moments of thirty one year old Kyishi Dowdell's life were being decided 911 calls were pouring in. Frantic neighbors were watching from their windows as police say thirty-seven year old Craig Flynt fired several bullets into Dowdell, ending her life. "No there isn't anything she could've done," Daytona Police Chief Mike Chitwood said. "In hindsight, 20-20, I feel horrible that we couldn't make that arrest knowing I put a two day bounty on his head knowing I formed a posse consistently looking for the guy." Video states that some are calling for Sgt. Jimmie Flynt's resignation. He is Craig's father on the police department. The chief says he stands by Sgt. Flynt, that he wanted Craig arrested, and also says that there is no need for an internal investigation since the murder is being investigated outside of the police department...

The vigil was organized by the Daytona Beach Black Clergy Alliance, an ecumenical group of clergy dedicated to improving the quality of life of those in the African American community.

But one of those clergy members, the Rev. John Long, said he hoped the event raised awareness among those of every race and in every walk of life.

"It's an issue that crosses all the lines," said Long, pastor of Tubman-King Community Church in Daytona Beach and a victim of domestic violence himself. "It's a very complicated issue, but we can push for people to not be afraid to speak. Tell someone if you're a victim. Nobody deserves to be abused."

Long, who is pastor to Dowdell's father, was particularly passionate about the vigil. And he's still mourning the loss of the young mother.

"The viciousness of it. The closeness of it," Long said with a sigh. "Now four children lost their mother and their father."

Sophie Vessa, the Daytona Beach Police Department's victim advocate, said her heart breaks most for the children caught in the crossfire of domestic abuse.

"The long-term effects on children are devastating," said Vessa, who is also an abuse victim. "It's like living in a war zone. Post traumatic stress disorder is common. . . . But we as a community can help. Get the word out. The more we talk about it, the more we heal."

Daytona Beach has no shortage of domestic abuse cases. Of the 800 cases Vessa has handled since the beginning of the year, 500 involved domestic violence, she said.

"Ask the Lord to intervene, interrupt, to stop the violence, protect the weak, to speak to whatever excuse we give," Long said as he urged the group to lift their candles toward the stars. "Love does not batter, hit, cut, burn or pinch."

Prayers for those children, and also for others dealing with domestic violence and the church.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Does God Hate Divorce?

4 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:42 AM

Johanpdx Blog had an interesting article about this called, Does God Hate Divorce? The article spoke about how pastors can use scripture from Malachi in order to NOT deal with domestic violence within the church!

  • The passage from Malachi is just as much about the community's unfaithfulness to God as about any individual covenant violation, but, too often the abusive husband (and his sometimes unwitting confederate, the usually male pastor) find it convenient to use Malachi's words exclusively to bind the victim.

That's the part I never understood! Why intend to force them to stay, and NOT address the portion that making them - to put simplistically - happy, safe and in peace? In most cases victims wish the abuse to stop, but not always the marriage to end. When they realize the domestic abuse isn't going to end or even be addressed that is when idea of fleeing comes up.

To me this type of approach is to manipulate someone to stay, and is that really want God would wish from this pastor?

  • In Malachi's time, most if not all divorces were initiated by men; the clear intent of the passage is to protect women from being selfishly abandoned, not to prevent women in violent situations from finding safety.

That also seems like common sense. To me God wouldn't wish someone to stay in bondage, because everyone chooses to ignore the reasons for the bondage. I mean is marriage truly suppose to be bondage? I'm NOT talking about the one flesh bond here! When you are dealing with domestic violence within marriage quoting passages to make the victim second guess herself and NOT address the factor of her safety overall is sin. Its a manipulative way of keeping her there, and you are basically saying her safety isn't important to God. That is a lie! God does care about the safety of victims, and these pastors are acting like the ones that walked passed the victim in the story of the good Samaritan! They are walking on the other side of the road, and totally ignoring the morality of what they should be doing and what God calls us to do.

  • It's convenient for abusers and their confederates to emphasize only the first words of Malachi 2:16, "God hates divorce," leaving out the part where God hates it when a man covers himself with violence. Even if we accept the interpretation that "violence" here refers to the divorce itself, it seems self-serving to ignore the violence within an abusive marriage--and that the biblical caution is principally aimed at the man. Look at the tenderness with which Malachi talks about the ideals of marriage; compare that to the selfish domination of an abusive marriage.

When I hear about how the portion AFTER the comma in this all famous quote is misapplied in the fashion that the author states above I have to wonder if these Pastor's truly know the spirit of what Jesus represents. They are quoting the words, and NOT getting the message! The fact that domestic violence is illegal as well, and the pastor's are telling the family to ignore that portion just plain shocks me! They never stop to think of the brokenness of the abuser, and they fact that they are NOT safe to the family! They need to be removed so their root of rage, and true brokenness needs to be healed. That their family needs a separate type of healing, and above all a sense of safety within the home.

All to often we see families in the news in areas that are war torn, and we feel sorry for all of them! We wish we could find some way of making the war end, and have peace come over their lives! We THANK God for the blessed place he has placed us in, and mourn for those families living in terror! Do people forget that those that deal with domestic abuse within the christian home are living something similar to those they mourn for on the television? They may not have bullets, bombs, and solders but they do have an abusive christian spouse that is having them live in a type of war zone they seem to ignore.

  • The Bible itself doesn't support misplaced and selfish literalism. In God's name, Ezra commands divorce (Ezra 10:10-11) in the same sort of larger situation Malachi addresses--namely when Judah breaks faith and goes after daughters of foreign gods. In an abusive marriage, hasn't faith also been broken?

Protection from Abuse, Violence against Women (or men), Emotional abuse with the marriage, or emotional abuse of a child needs to be dealt with with some common sense! Controlling behavior needs to be addressed! Martial abuse, Traumatic bonding at times as well needs to be taken seriously. Prayer is always welcome, but sacrifice on the behalf of believers to make sure what is morally correct needs to happen! We need to stop the invalidation of the fear and agony that is happening within christian homes! Sermons on Domestic abuse or Sermons on Domestic Violence needs to happen ALOT more often! Most people state they have NEVER heard one!

  • Malachi says, "... The Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her ...." How dare anyone cover abuse with public piety when God witnesses the true state of affairs, even though the church and the pastor might be clueless?

I have to wonder at times what the Lord says to these pastors and abusive spouses come judgement day when he KNOWS they KNOW what is really going on, and make some choices NOT to deal with it! How they allowed headship to be used as a tool that is not fashioned after what scripture says it is. How submission is used as a weapon to guilt those that are broken under the bondage of abuse. When you read James 3 and try to tell families that verbal abuse and emotionally abuse isn't REAL abuse! That's a lie! Prayer for the abused is always welcome as I mentioned, but healing must take place as well. When you have a world that won't acknowledge the damage that is clearly stated in scripture they are denying help to those that really need it. You can't ignore narcissist attitudes, and then state 'I said I was sorry' is remorse! Listen to those that are hurting because they are only going to tell you the tip of the iceberg! If you show them you are safe you will get the information you are looking for! If you use scripture to show them they must stay in an environment they are telling you is damaging them - you won't be seeing them anymore and you passed up an opportunity to find true repentance and healing to a family.

The author had a video attached to their message, and it was a song called, "You have to choose!"

So what are you going to choose? YES God hates divorce, but he also hates how churches are dealing with domestic violence! He hates the excuses you are handing down to deal with it as well! Do you really think submission is going to end the healing? If so get some education, but God sees how they treat their wifes of their youth. You need to also!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

The Church is Afraid to speak of Domestic Violence!

7 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:26 AM

I have to say at times I get so burned out speaking of this subject - emotional abuse, verbal abuse and domestic violence. It seems no one listens, and no one hears except for the victims themselves! The victims are WHOM I'm addressing most of the time. I want to make sure they feel heard, and I want them to feel they are NOT alone and shame is NOT something that everyone uses to HUSH them up! I feel at times people that see people like myself that speak about abuse as some joke, and we are not be taken seriously. I dare to speak of something that is taboo, and since I speak so much of it I must have a one track mind. Everything in my world must be seen as abusive. Its strange to me how they can't see that some people are able to view things, and realize the difference.

People speak of the healing of faith, and how God can bring healing and peace. The difference between God and those that speak of it at times seems to be that when we do receive healing and peace we are still seen as broken to the church family. Its like we have some label attached to us that can never be removed.

I don't believe that abuse is gender based, and I do believe that men can also be victims of their wives and partners. We hear all the time of stories of abusive mothers (which seems more common place in the news media), and it confuses me as to why others don't feel that abuse can be carried on towards men (or spouses) in their lives as well.

The stereotypes of what men SHOULD be or ARE I think at times is the biggest burden! I read at times they feel its the feminist movement. I have to disagree with that statement. LOL NOT because I'm a feminist, but because I guess I tend to place to much of other types of logic towards issues! HECK the world can't take domestic violence serious enough from what they feel is the 'real' victims, and I see men having to get handed a bigger burden of being believed!

The world at large has blinders on for the most part! If they don't understand or shallow the 'women's' part - which they don't for the most part - why in heavens name would they believe the 'macho' end of things? YEP I'm talking stereotypes! MEN should be able to defend themselves! Okay then. Sigh! That to me shows ignorance of the issue overall.

Here we have the secular world that to me is doing a better of job of attempting to learn the dynamics of abuse, and then you have the church that tends to use scripture to avoid it. They tend to remind me of the superstitious people of the past!

If you just view it as the devil's world, and just do your JOB as a Christian God will make it go away!

If you just place it at the foot of the cross Jesus will take that burden from you!

If you are upset you are doing things out of GETTING and not SERVING!

I have to say that the faith world has more excuses to NOT deal with SIN than the secular world does! The secular world at times also places the burden of the abuse upon the victims, but the church at times are champions of that cause!

In the past you didn't speak of such things!

ITS takes TWO to tango!

They are both NUTS it seems!

Don't speak of it, and those poor children will live their lives the right way - GOD WILLING!

We are NOW living the burden of the silence! Men in the past would risk their manhood - as the world viewed it - if they dared admit things as well. That hasn't changed all that much sadly.

To me there are two types of feminists! The radicals that take things a bit to far, and are and those that I'm thankful for! I'm able to vote, own property and basically have ROOM to make my own mistakes in alot of realms that were never granted to those woman of the past! I don't believe that men want to keep us down, and for the most part do things to keep us there. Are there some? LOL oh yes!

I don't have issue with women that work, and I don't have issue with women that don' the secular view of the work place okay? I think there are families that juggle careers and family very well, and those that fail miserably! I don't think all or even MOST of the burden should be laid upon the woman as I see some churches attempting. Men or Fathers are important to little boys and girls, and JUST as important are fathers to their children! I also realized no gender is immune when it comes to neglect, abuse, etc to the family. My own father traveled alot, but to his credit when he was home made sure there was special time for his children. I'm sure some men would think he has 'female' traits because of his sensitive nature. I'm sure at times he struggled with that. I for one am glad he had it, and I know my brother would say the same.

I have even read stories of fathers staying home with the children while their wives brought home the bacon.......and both were evil! He was showing to many female traits, and she was basically in sin all over the place. Mr MOM as the movies would call it to me is individual. God makes us all different, and if it works for everyone I truly don't take issue with it! She isn't the authority of the home because she brings home the money! LOL! As if that is the definition! Supporting and being the head has a broader definition. Respect the gifts that God gave you for goodness sakes! YES I know the bible states the man is support the family and all, but it doesn't say income is the definition of that!

In my home MOM was the emotionally detached one - per the stereotype of men compared to Dad! I'm NOT saying she was that to extreme as the world would see it, but Dad at times was easier to cuddle up and get close to! I have to say that confused me for a long time, until I realized the domestic violence that she dealt with growing up...and the church in my eyes basically endorsed that! She did what she had to and survived, and never felt safe enough to let go. That's was society at the time (and seems WORSE than today even!), but she did get better as time rolled by! I think there was alot of factors for that, and she may even struggle with that for life. Dad also had his domestic issues growing up, and it made him more sensitive I'm sure.

Emotional abuse is basically a joke to the church. Its basically a joke to much of the world. They think acting like a jerk - which we can all be at times - is called abusive. DEAL WITH IT as Dr. Laura says and get over it! If they had a clue what the definition entailed maybe they wouldn't be such JERKS to victims! Abuse is a pattern of behavior, and NO it isn't NOT dependent on submission and feeling honored, loved and all the rest! I believe the church trains enablers. GOD doesn't train enablers, but the church does!

LETS look at addicts for a moment okay? If we pray enough do they turn their lives around automatically? I'm not going to say there aren't some, but what about MOST? What do the parents, siblings, partners, etc do when they just HUSH it away with excuses like hard times, joblessness, and just basically life ROTS type of excuses? They tend to prolong things for the most part right? I can't tell you how many stories I have read of people that basically endured domestic abuse, and then when finally BROKE and did something extreme like slap them or screamed or call them names the brunt of the backlash because they admitted it. They admitted they broke under the pressure, and must endure the condemning statements towards their behavior. The pressure that led up to that act? That may be touched on a bit, but not truly taken into account. The way they are treated its as if it didn't happen. People are just NOT capable of seeing the whole picture. They may have been told about parts of the picture, but its quickly pushed off as 'we are only hearing YOUR version!" They treat them like that sentence also. YOUR version of things! I have yet to see a version that is quickly taken seriously for the most part.

Is there no difference, and am I justify this - their reactions after a while? HECK no! They do call it reactive abuse. The difference is the approach, and the willingness to do things for their partner to show their respect, honor and love..and yet finally broke and lashed back! They broke because they are human, and being human is what they are crucified for! The constant BAM BAM BAM of the abusive nature was returned by words or a slap! They are equal now with them, and are NOW just as abusive! You see a true Christian wouldn't do such a thing! Since they aren't allowed an outlet to speak with or have empathy with....they are to be the perfect humans and endure! HATE to say this but most of us would break after a while! We are all to be the perfect Jesus in the face of a broken spouse, and if you can't do that you are JUST as bad as they are! No one can be Jesus. The people that use those types of statements aren't anywhere close either! LOOK what Jesus endured they tell you! They forget about the many times he almost got stoned, and fled because it wasn't his time yet. He endured the torture and the cross for a purpose, and people have to ask themselves WHAT purpose is enduring domestic abuse? Do they seriously think there are true comparsions here? You have a family of broken and hurting people, and they are handed: Pray, Endure, Pray, Submit, Pray, LOVE THEM, Pray, HONOR THEM, Pray, and show proper LEADERSHIP, Pray, and will you PLEASE keep it down its to ugly for us to deal with! This behavior doesn't belong in the church so STOP! That is what they are telling and showing people. They leave the broken people to heal themselves - by themselves - even when the bible speaks of the body of Christ is to help one another. Their 'help' isn't help, and people get tired and worn out they are told WELL that's because you don't have enough faith, etc.

I get crispy dealing with this issue of domestic violence or domestic abuse within the church. I get tired when people refuse to see it, and I get exhausted when they make excuses for it. To me we are to deal with it as the body of Christ. For the most part we aren't. There are days in which I want to give up. I won't delete the blog, but I do feel like I need to stop writing. Then I get my second wind, and I see there are now so many gifted writers out there that are now writing about this also! I pray that we as a collective group can make people hear. The church is afraid to speak of domestic violence! I guess others will have to do it for them. vent for the day.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Domestic Abuse within the Church - When Men Hurt Their Own

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:56 AM

I found an interesting set of articles on The Hope Blog. From the comments after a number of entries she made it sounds like she is placing together a book from the prospective of a women dealing with domestic violence. The ring of horror of their pastor's attitude is what people need to understand about this aspect. YES this is a woman's prospective about domestic violence within the church, and her life dealing with a controlling husband. I believe it happens to both genders, but the more information and stories that get out there the better I believe.

Inherit the Wind: When Men Hurt Their Own Part One

Inherit the Wind: When Men Hurt Their Own Part Two

Inherit the Wind: WHen Men Hurt Their Own Part Three

The Final Installment the author states is coming SOON!

Revised! Final Installment Inherit The Wind: WHen Men Hurt Their Own

The responses are very good to this series, and of course you have to have some bad ones as well.

By the way, according to the account in Genesis, Abraham sent his wife to be in the harem of the Egyptian Pharaoh.

Yet, Sarah submitted to Abraham.

She was worried I am sure. Yet she trusted in God to protect her when she remained in her proper role - as a follower, not a leader in the marriage.

The lesson is, God protects women when they submit to their husbands, no matter what. In this case, God sent a warning of death to the Pharaoh if he should touch Sarah. Sarah was protected when she remained in perfect submission to Abraham.

It is a question of faith versus cynicism, really. It is a question of whether God meant what he said when he established his order.

If a wife can choose not to submit when her husband does not love her completely and properly, well, which husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church? The answer is not one in this life (with the exception of Catholic or Orthodox saints if one believes in that sort of thing).

This does not change the principle that when a man has a mental disorder, and repeatedly violently physically abusing his wife is such a disorder, a wife should flee to her family. (It is only in America that new couples have such freedom from their families one should note - and this causes many of the problems as brothers are not there to protect sisters).

However, in this case when a woman flees to her family but does not divorce her husband, she remains in submission to him, as she pursues the separation for his best interest.

Thus, we can see that when a woman uses the excuse of insufficient love of, or abuse from, a husband as a reason not to submit to him, the woman is perpetuating a viscous cycle started by the husband.

Similarly, when a husband decides not to love his wife because she does not submit perfectly, he is partaking in the same viscous cycle that ends in divorce.

God hates divorce.

After he goes some responses to his comment came this one:

All you who have bashed Thomas need to go back and reread his post. He didn’t say one thing that was “a sickening lie” or unbiblical. He basically said you should leave if you are abused but don’t use it as an opportunity to live outside the role that God has called you to. I understand that many men allow their headship to go to their head but women also do not give their husbands the respect that God requires. Not being respected is not an excuse to abuse, their is no excuse. However, many women do create problems by their lack of submission just like many men abuse their roles. This is a two way street folks. Just like abuse in the church needs to be exposed, rampant feminism that has ruined many homes needs to be exposed as well.

I think many of you have allowed your emotions based on personal experiences to cloud your judgment and immediately get defensive. I also fear that this has turned into a back patting session to congratulate those who have left their husbands. When we allow our emotions to guide us rather then truth we can be easily led astray so please be careful of what you say. Impressionable young women are reading this blog and may take what some have said as an excuse to not submit to their husbands or leave their husbands even if their is no justification.

Abuse is a sad and terrible truth that needs to be exposed but not at the expense of true biblical submission. We don’t need to throw the baby out with the bath water. Just because men abuse their wives does not make biblical submission wrong nor does it make it ok to be a “liberated” women.

I’m sorry that many of you have had terrible experiences that have caused you great pain. I just pray that you would allow God to fully heal you, your views on marriage, and submission. Submission does not have to be a dirty little word. It can actually be freeing. When we submit to Christ He frees us from the bondage of sin. Submission in the marriage relationship is an example of our submission to Christ.

I just got my ball of fire under me again!


I feel sorry for you. We aren’t talking about women that don’t respect their husbands. We are talking about men that abuse their position, and crush their wife and children. We aren’t talking about ‘rampant feminism’ either! We are talking about monsters that are enabled by the church to continue. It seems you are trying to mesh two completely different topics together to make your theory sound better.

This maybe an emotional topic, but attempting to sprinkle your spiritual pixie dust on it is why people get killed. I feel LIED to from the church! When I was growing up my parents always told me that the church was a safe place. Conversations like the one the author wrote are NOT that uncommon, and what is what this subject is about. Its about the awful and dangerous approach the church takes towards domestic violence. You want to place your feminism and your respect deals in there - that doesn’t change the fact it still happens. Even if it did happen to the extent you seem to think doesn’t make the approach anymore correct!

No one said submission was wrong. Wake UP and listen with your heart for goodness sakes! lol you talk about people getting defensive and emotional when you don’t even seem to grasp the subject at hand! No one is telling women to become ‘liberated’ in that fashion! We aren’t telling them to RUN to the nearest radical feminist office, and RUN for the presidency! For goodness sakes - don’t you get it? The church is allowing women and children to get killed due to ignorance, and their pride and unwillingness to look at their OWN dangerous practices…and you throw in junk about respect, etc? Are you even reading the material?

Their application of submission doesn’t change the brokeness of these men! These men are victims as well, and the church - sadly - is ignoring them as well. God doesn’t ask people to submit to sin! You can act in submission in other forms, but when it comes to sin…don’t tell me God asks people to cross the line due to legalism! People are telling you that the church and abusive husbands are misapplying the submission verses, and you are going off yacking about how we are misguiding young ladies to be liberated. HELLO!?!?! To difference directions here!

You have glasses on with a huge layer of denial. Leaving your abuser and giving him the choice to get healing is loving and what God would ask us to do! You know there is a verse in 1Pe 3:7 Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding since they are weaker than you are. Honor your wives as those who share God’s life-giving kindness so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. The church is neglecting these men - allowing them to take advance of a precious peice of scripture about submission, and not reminding them their prayers are being hindered by their actions. They are telling the soldiers of this war to FIGHT HARD and WIN so your leaders were feel confident enough to LEAD! That’s backwards! These men are losing so much more when their prayers are hindered, and their broken souls seaping with rage - as the church sits back and shakes their finger at the other family members. To me they are doing a HUGE disserve to these men, and that is another part of this ‘emotional’ topic you seem to be missing!

The church is NOT only neglecting the women and children - they are neglecting a soul that is broken as they abuse. That seems to dirty to touch. The church has taken the path of less resistance. THAT is the real sin! Take off the blinders!

I don't know if we will ever get people to understand the true brokenness of domestic violence within the church. I do know we need to keep speaking about it, because it seems some people are finally starting to listen!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sheltering Wings Faith Based Domestic Violence Shelter Wins Award from White House

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:42 AM

Zach Rosing Productions Announced on their site that Sheltering Wings Promotional Video won a honorable mention from the White House recently!

In May of 2008 the shelter had an opportunity to enter its children’s video, titled The Need For Change Is Now, in the Portraits of Compassion video contest, sponsored by the Health and Human Services division of the White House Center for Faith-Based and Community Initiatives. Zach Productions originally produced this video in April of 2007.

The Need For Change Is Now

Sheltering Wings, a domestic violence women’s shelter located in Danville IN, was honored by the White House Faith-Based and Community Initiatives during their Innovations in Effective Compassion Conference held on June 26 and June 27 in Washington, D.C.

The video is awesome! I think showing people what happens also to children within domestic violence circumstances also need to be considered a bit more as well. Churches often mention they are doing what needs to be done for the children as well, but when you pressure for going back before its safe you they also have to realize what kind of life they may be handing the children.

Congratulations to Sheltering Wings and Zach Rosing Productions! Thank you for what you do on behalf of domestic abuse victims, child abuse victims, and your compassion and dedication to this cause. Blessings!

Monday, August 11, 2008

This ministry gets DOMESTIC ABUSE... YEAH GOD!

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 6:26 AM

I was doing some reading the other night, and came across a blog (love the theme and pictures by the way) called Lifetime Intimate Portrait. The author spoke about her church's ministry towards domestic violence, and how people might be surprised at whom shows up!

At our church we now have a ministry in place to reach out to women who are dealing with these issues, or who have just come out of a situation. Help is completely confidential. We are committed to protecting these precious women at all costs. Interestingly enough, when the group was started we wondered how many we would have or if anyone in the church would respond. It is sad to report, but the statistics bear out and we have never had a lack of people in our support group ministry who need help along these lines. You might think your church is exempt, but...think again. You would be surprised who would attend a meeting if they could be certain no one would ever know! (We change our meeting times/dates each month to avoid detection and ensure safety of the participants, and the only one who knows the meeting times aside from the group members are myself and our group director. Our other leaders in the church don't know -- even our pastors don't know!)

How is that for getting it huh? WOO HOO! If you leave in Florida she spoke about a couple of programs her church is having soon, and you might want to check out! If you have a minute you might want to go over, and give the nice lady a good TOOT TOOT of Thanks!

Praise the Lord - another one that gets it! Domestic violence in the church - it does happen! We need more ministries like this one don't you think?

Friday, August 08, 2008

Abusive Christian Husband - Scripture used to Abuse

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:28 AM

When the bible is used to abuse! Scripture used within domestic violence situations....

According to five independent sociological studies that were done to see which group was more likely to spiritually abuse their wife's, and the group in which domestic violence towards the wife's were more likely present was (which included people that doesn't follow a faith) Conservative protestant Christians. Its shocking that the studies overwellingly found this to be true! They also found that the group to most likely NOT abuse their wife's was also Conservative protestant Christian men. They found that a close relationship between whom were regularly involved with the church, and those that only attended on occasion were the big factor. This means MOST of the time, but not ALL of the time!

They mentioned that the men that took their religion seriously, and spoke and sought to understand scripture were more unlikely to misuse 'submission' and 'headship'. The other group heard those terms, and used them to their advantage! "I have the right to have POWER.....she has to SUBMIT!"

They spoke to a woman that has been counseled by a Christian organization, and found that some of the messages encouraged women NOT to speak out! It was a sin to talk badly about your husband. That means if there is abuse within the home you were NOT to speak of it!

The counselor that said that most of the clients they see all have this impression that they are to silently submit, and do everything that the husband says. That teaching she receives is from her mother, bible studies, the pulpit, etc. Scripture DOES address headship, submission and the rest of course! Where the problem comes in when pastors do sermons on submission, and DON'T address the abusive side of using submission to control their families! Why? Women in most cases don't validate their own abuse!

Women that have been emotionally abused, verbally abused, spiritually and sexually abused don't take things seriously enough even when it goes into physical abuse. Why? It took that long to happen, so maybe it won't happen again! They deny what is happening to them, and at times it takes a long time for them to 'own this'. In many cases it takes others to tell them they MUST take this serious! If you have most pushing other messages - neither party or their children will get the help they need. Their children also suffer under this very controlled and oppressive headship!

A Pastor and his wife met with some local women's domestic violence shelters to see what they could do to help. They had a meeting with them, and one of the first questions that was asked was, "What are you going to do about headship?" Some of these people didn't even go to church. Headship was being used to shut woman down, and used to control their wives. Most people will tell you that when you are in a fight that is getting to heated....walk away. Right? Their husband's grab them, block their way and will HOLD them there to finish.....because THEY are the boss!

Peter says in the bible that men are to relate to their wives as God relates to our savior Jesus. There seems to be a big contrast with that, and how some people view headship wouldn't you say? Jesus shares authority with God his Father. The Father empowers his son! That is SO far away from how it can be misused with the family! YES the bible does say that man is the head, but it also clarifies what that means! Its not some POWER structure! It describes servant leadership, and servant leadership doesn't mean do what I say, how I say, when I say IT! POWER isn't the concentrated on portion of this passage, and yet that is what alot of people that misused scripture take it to mean. Its in a form of protection and servant hood....the husband isn't her Lord! She only has ONE Lord! The Father GIVES to the son, and the Father does not TAKE from the son! He doesn't scream at him to get his way, and remind him WHOM is the HEAD!

The book mentioned in the video.

The bible states what the intent for marriage is, but is also used to abuse the intention of marriage. That should not be! RBC ministry presents this second installment video - Scripture used within domestic violence. Here is a link to rbc ministries page in case my first link doesn't work. RAVE is the organization they mentioned that pastors can use to educate themselves online about domestic abuse!

Thursday, August 07, 2008

"Why Won't Anyone Listen?"

1 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:50 AM

Escaping the Trap of Domestic Violence had a very interesting article from a father on the article they entitled, "Why Won't Anyone Listen?" about his thoughts on domestic abuse.

Anonymous said...
As a father of a young daughter, I must object to some of these comments from bible quoting individuals Women must submit? To what? broken bones, black eyes, shattered self esteem, endless trips to the hospital. What Lord do you pray to? Tell me something why don't you then tell the Doctor that "you were correcting you partner's deficient attitude?" You could not even pass that off in church if you brought her there instead of the emergency room. If I made such comments that "women are men's property" or that "The woman is to be subject to the man. This is not new information. You forget that its the man that takes care of his female. It's her job to take care of him",I would be ashamed to have a y chromosome. If my male gene constitutes the right for me to force submission then what sort of man would I be? Experience tells us that cooperation between partners is the most effective way to achieve a satisfying relationship. Ask yourself this is, if you achieve your means by striking fear into an individual how secure are you? It is most likely your insecurity that causes you to want to dominate someone else. The Lord God never intended such violence. "Blessed are the peace makers for they shall see God."

The individual that wrote this comment, truly, does "listen" and understands. I want to encourage you, that although you may have run into 'road blocks' in finding someone that will really listen and offer help...there IS help available. The first step in receiving that help is to tell someone. Violence against women and wife abuse needs to spoken about, and only then can all parties be helped and healed! Domestic violence and the church needs to be addressed, and its sad at times but we do have to realize sometimes that help will happen outside of the church. Protection from abuse is the first goal, and it should come first before the marriage. The marriage can be dealt with later, but sadly safety at times is not always the goal. To me that shows blindness of the real issue, and a form of reigious abuse.

Closing quote from this blogger Kathryn:

Numerous times I've let you know that there is an army of individuals that pray for the readers of this blog site. They are connected to you through their prayer support...never forget that. More than anything else, I wish I could give each and every one of you a big (((HUG))).

Kindest Regards,


Friday, August 01, 2008

I guess the Truth Doesn't SELL! Newspapers really think their readers can't handle it?

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:19 PM

It amazes me at times the lengths some newspapers will go for the all mighty buck! Episcopal Life was reporting about a day at their Lambeth Conference. They were talking that day about the Violence Against Women, and the silence of domestic violence within the church. The popular press in England decides that we need to take portions of what Bishop Catherine Roskam said at the conference with a nasty little twist. I guess the truth doesn't sell enough newspapers or something. Its pretty sick! They are attempting to say she mentioned that pastors beat their wifes in certain parts of the world, because its morally acceptable there. YEAH! Okay then! They must be deaf and their reading skills must certainly be lacking. I wonder if their supervisors are aware! It makes their newspapers look bad that's for sure!

Over at Simple Massing Priest, and Blogging Regiliously are just two places of many that seem outraged at the lies that the newspapers are trying to convey!

Here is the copy of the flyer that had Bischop Catherine Roshkam's comments about the subject! Lambeth Conference 2008: Bishop Roskam's Blog - updated 7/31 has further comments on what was left out and added to statements of the Bischop.

Episcopal Cafe also goes into some detail. Bischop Greg who was actually at the event mentions the opposite of what the newspapers report as well.

Its amazing that newspapers would rather twist things to get more money than protect people from further harm. Domestic violence within the church needs to be spoken about, and the newspapers instead of reporting truth decide to say it was targeted against certain leaders within the world only. I guess truth doesn't sell. I mean its either that or they can't hear or read Bishop Catherine Roskam's comments. They turn around and write a twisted version of things, and then go to parties within the church they KNOW would be insulted just for the cherry on top. SHAME ON YOU! We know you didn't show them the WHOLE truth, because they wouldn't say what they did targeted towards what you CHOOSE to show them ONLY! You would have got some different responses if you had shown the WHOLE thing, instead of peices of it to change the meaning.

Some comments they received:

"I don't think we see things like that in the church, what she said is far removed from the real picture."

Bishop Paul Yugusuk from Sudan said: "I don't think it's true - the church speaks out against this.

"In the wider community these things still exist but we don't do that as bishops or pastors.

"She is being unfair – she's talking from a general view without any evidence."

The only thing the comments they got show is denial. NO domestic violence and pastors abusing their wifes isn't isolated to certain parts of the world. Its worldwide and their comments do show how far this church have to go in this realm. We hope that the partcipates at the Lambeth Conference listened to Catherine Roskam about the violence against women. I also hope they tell the others what she really said. Goodness knows we can't expect some newspapers to do that.

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