Poem about Emotional Abuse

Poem about Emotional Abuse

In light of Domestic Violence Awareness Month I went back to a poem on emotional abuse, sexual abuse that I wrote one night.  I look at the date of the post - 11/15/07 - and realize how far my life has come.

I wrote it from personal experiences, and those that you hear about often from others.  I have goggle hits on this poem about domestic violence since that date.  It was time of great hurt, frustration, and feelings of being lost.  Why am I the only one that doesn't get it type of thing.

From what I remember about that time I was struggling with how to deal with rages, and then later the push for closeness afterwards.  There was never any discussion, remorse, repentance.  It was the old - forgive and forget.  Act like nothing happened, and lets just go to bed.  If we have to do it another way?  The rage would start again.

I was on a faith board, and a abuse board at the time.  I had been ripped to shreds at the faith board.  I had be told to forgive 7 x 70, and yet the habitual behavior couldn't addressed because it made him mad.  The fact it angered him was enough for them to feel it needs to be left alone.

People too often try to combine trust and forgiveness.  That combination is not a God thing, but a human one.  Its used when they don't know how to deal with evil, and quite frankly don't wish to either.  The result may not fill their formula for a 'happy ending', and fill their testimony wall.

Forgiveness is for the person, and it can bring so much healing.  Trust may never return for a number of reasons.  The two aren't connected no matter how much people want them to be.

There are circumstances in which parties can earn their trust back, but there has to be much humility.  Its not on their time line after all - if there is pressure it takes you back to square one.  It can happen of course.

Then there are times in which trust may never be a good option in certain circumstances.  You can forgive a pedophile, but you wouldn't have them babysit. Its also acceptable to NOT have them in your life anymore as well.  That is just one example of course - you I'm sure can think of others.

Life is full of custom parts and pieces.  God's word is able to work with that. God created our world full of custom parts and pieces after all.

Yes, change can happen when two people are committed and willing to do the work.  Its hard for both parties, but honestly at times I think it is harder for the abusive party.

They have a hard time seeing 'what is in it for them' when they are pretty much get everything now (as they see it anyway) their way.  They have a strange way of not dealing with the pain they are in, and the pain they cause others.  They see no incentive.  When there is no incentive?  Think of the mindset here .... why would they bother?

The one line in the poem, 'You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you love' was mentioned to me at the time.  It struck me right between the eyes.  So often you see that happen - be it in churches, or marriages.  You don't have intimacy with intimidation, fear, guilt, manipulation.  They are polar opposites, and yet are encouraged way to often to make things work.

Domestic violence, emotional abuse, sexual abuse are soul crushing experiences.  When I finally had the courage to ask for help?  I told the counselor I wanted my "ME" back.  I lost myself completely, and I would NOT be able to help anything or anyone until 'SHE' returned.  (giggles) Of course a new and improved ME that is!

When you read you can see how people can be completely lost within the realm of abuse.

Thank you Lord for being with me all these years, and helping me find that NEW me!  Thank you for helping me see things more clear, and for giving me the courage to step out
despite my fear.  Thank you for helping me see that I'm not a 'bad' person in anyway, because I see error when others refuse too.  If that makes me a rebel?  THANK YOU For helping me a REBEL!  My journey is not done, and I know you will be there with me for the rest of it.  Thank you for making me feel loved...







You Can't
by Hannah

He comes in that day and you feel your stomach ache.
You shudder and he shames and you wonder what you say.
You know you must say something, but the words do not come.
You been there before, and it’s never undone.

You sit at the table with your children in tow
One glass of juice or a noodle does fall.
The yelling begins, and the tantrums our show
Words not from him are mentioned to solve

You can’t say anything to make the hurt go away.
Silence does happen, but you don’t want to stay.
Your children are hurting, and he still isn’t nice.
You wait for that moment to calm and make nice.

Dinner is done and the dishes put away
Your start the next shift, and go on with your day.
You get the kids settled, and you find your little safe spot.
Inching and wondering, Why is your world so shot?

Then he comes down to greet you with a smile on his face.
He acts like nothing has happened with no shame or disgrace
You sit there wondering what message did you send?
I don’t want you here and I shouldn’t have to bend.

He stands there wanting the distance to be gone
He pushes closer and closer and you just can’t respond.
What do you do? What do you say?
He pushes and pushes and never goes away.

You can’t force closeness to the one you’ve lost
You can’t pressure trust when we never know how you will respond.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you say that you love
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.

Days later problems happen and you just want to hide
You don’t want to talk because it is never very nice.
You wait for the crowning moment nice and relaxed,
You really need to speak to him and you can’t hold back.

It starts is real slow and you try to keep pace,
But the explosion soon starts right in your face.
Nothing is nice!
Nothing is fair!
It’s all your fault and he makes that perfectly clear.
He refuses to help fix or even be kind
He treats you like the enemy and your forced to resign.

As you slowly retreat you have strong feelings of doom.
How could this happen did I talk to soon?
Did I say it wrong, or have a look on my face
I don’t understand why I’m such a disgrace.

You find a safe place to work on the game plan.
You fix that problem and never with him.
You handle the issue – at least parts that you can.
You look over what happened, and you still remain sad.

Evening soon comes and you retreat to your bed.
He comes in and comes over and you just want to gag.
He kisses your face and then strokes your back.
You want to get up and leave and then you’re pulled back.

You can’t force closeness to the one you have lost
You can’t pressure trust when you can not resolve.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you love
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.

After years of belittling and verbal attacks
You find it hard to get your self esteem back.
You search for the answer and fix that you need.
Until you have realized that you really need to flee.

Nothing will change
Nothing will be good
Nothing will happen until you are gone.
You live in denial with all you have left
Then finally hear the “snap” of that old camel’s back.

You fear the reactions of family and friends
Will they take your side or then befriend him.
They will think you the wimp
Will you lose their respect
For trying to keep peace for so long
Or for finally stopping to fight back.

You work to improve yourself
To change your way of thinking
You fight the doubts without even blinking
You sit and worry if you have really done it.
Or if he is right and you will really plummet.

What will he say?
How will he react?
Will in be nice or some sort of attack.

You hear the sad story of how sorry he is
He has seen the errors of his ways
And now the change can begin.
You hesitate a little and wonder what is right
That hesitation now starts a new kind of fight.

Always Remember when the new this assault on your back:

You can’t force closeness to the one you have lost
You can’t pressure trust when we never know how you will respond.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you love
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.

Keep saying:

You can’t force closeness to the one you have lost
You can’t pressure trust when you can not resolve.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you love
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.


Additional Poems: You can't
What It Means To Be A Victim
A Chosen Vessel
Will You Love me To Death
Shattered Pieces
Recycled Rose
Saturday Night Special
Walls

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