Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Domestic Abuse and Fashion??

4 comments Posted by Hannah at 2:26 PM

I'm not so sure I'm all that red hot crazy about this ads! I'm sure their heart is in the right place, but I find these in bad taste! I honestly don't feel this is the best way to get the message across.

What do you think? Colors of Domestic Violence by Bennetton

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Resurrection Scars = How Jesus would handle things

1 comments Posted by Hannah at 11:56 PM


Resurrection Scars
by Ginny Hunt (Thank you Ginny for allowing us to share this!)

Springtime is heralded as a glorious season of new life, of freshness and of renewal. During this time most Christian families celebrate the atoning death and victorious resurrection of our blessed Savior. It is the resurrection season. Yet, for those who have endured a long winter of family abuse or are still living in homes marked by cruelty and violence the dream of new life sometimes remains elusive. Women who have left the violence behind often find themselves still wrestling with dead, cold winters of the soul long after the years of abuse have past. Searing, icy winds of depression and despair can force one to wonder if the resurrected life in Christ is true or real for them. They look behind them and in front of them and all they can see are the ravages of winter in the scarred landscape of their lives. The scars tell a story, wounded sisters, a resurrection story.

If a man came to you and told you that He was Jesus, you would probably, wisely, not believe him. That is, until He showed you the scars. Jesus would show anyone the marks just as He showed them to His disciple Thomas. I can picture Him lifting His garment to display stripes made by whips on his back. He would brush back His hair from his forehead so thorny scars reveal themselves. He would turn to one side so to display the gash mark made by the spear thrust into His side. He would lift up His robes to reveal feet that had been pierced through. Finally, He would stretch His arms out toward you and open His palms. Nails the size of railroad pegs once violated those healing hands and He is not ashamed to display His scars. Those scars tell us of His pain, yes, but they also tell us of His love.

There are undoubtedly inner scars from painful events He experienced that did not leave visible marks, yet because of the visible scars, we remember those events. Betrayed by a man He had lived with, had eaten with, and had shared intimately with, can you not hear the grief, the shock and the disbelief when He says, "Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?" Is this not the same question that women who have suffered intimate betrayal ask of their betrayers? Physically violated, stripped of his clothing, He hung on a cross atop a hill, gawked at by spectators while soldiers tossed a coin for His undergarments. Beaten, mocked, and tortured He died an undeserved death. Do you know, dear reader, the pain of wounds such as these? Do you know what it is to be shamed and mocked and ridiculed? Do you know what it is to be crushed under cruel authority? Have you crouched cowering while the man who vowed to love and honor you stormed about breaking things and did your heart break when he shouted vile curses at you? Do you bear the scars of sexual violation in the inviolate marriage bed? See, physical scars only tell part of the story. To see the whole picture, we must look at the inner scars as well. For those are the ones that often lag behind in healing, the ones that maybe are still in the tomb. But listen! We have a hope and a promise. Romans 8:16-17 says, "The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs; heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together." And 2 Timothy 1:12 "For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day." We can trust and believe that our suffering does help us become closer to the Lord in that we can more readily identify with the sufferings He experienced on earth. We needn't be ashamed of our wounds. If we never experience betrayal we would never come to understand what Jesus must have felt that night in the Garden of Gethsamane. If we never knew injustice and cruel authority, we would not understand His fierce anger at the Pharisees. Those who have walked through deep pain and sorrow get a true glimpse of the sorrow that Christ carried throughout His earthly walk. It is through struggle and pain that we can say with Paul, "That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead." Did you know that scars could contain such promise?

Jesus' scars tell another story as well. The simple fact that they are scars and not gaping wounds is a miracle itself. The wounds that made those scars were enough to kill Him yet the pain and torture could not defeat Him. He arose on the third day victorious - and completely healed! Though the pierced marks remained as evidence, He was not bleeding anymore. His physical wounds were healed and He was unbelievably yet undeniably alive. When we see Jesus in all His glory He will still bear these same scars. We will see them on the hands that opens the Book of Life and the Apostle John's Revelation tells us that those very wounds are the very thing that makes Him worthy of opening the scroll spoken of in chapter 5:5-6 "But one of the elders said to me, 'Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has prevailed to open the scroll and to loose its seven seals.' And I looked, and behold, in the midst of the throne and of the four living creatures, and in the midst of the elders, stood a Lamb as though it had been slain..." These marks of death are, even now, still evident on the Lamb. Had God chosen so, all evidence of the crucifixion wounds could have been erased from Jesus' resurrected body. Why did God leave the scars? He left them for us. The scars testify to our atonement through Christ. Isaiah 53:5 says, "But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed." The wounds fulfill prophetic Scripture that pointed to the Messiah. The scars are signs that He is truly The Anointed One. They are identifying marks. Many were the victims of crucifixion in those days but only One lives to show the scars. So what about your scars, dear sister? Are you still wounded? Healing does not come by our own stripes, but by identification with His. It wouldn't make the least bit of progress in your healing if all you did was suffer on your own. We must also identify with His resurrection. Yet first, we must die.

Have you heard this one before? Has another well-meaning sister or brother in the Lord told you that you must die to your self and serve your husband in all submission? Have you gone home convicted to do that very thing and found after doing so that his cruelty and violence only escalated? This is not quite the dying I am talking about. Wife, you have no power in yourself to stop your husband's abuse. There is nothing you can do or say that will change his heart. The dying I am talking about here involves death to your preconceived notions of what a "godly" wife looks like, what she says and what she does. Die to your own perceptions of what your church community expects of you. Die to your husband's and others' assessments of your worth. I am saying this not only to those caught in violence's snare in the present time, but also to those for whom the violence has left them bound in graveclothes. The trauma of abuse is real and painful and it kills the spirit. For many years the victim of abuse has had false notions drilled into her mind and into her heart. She does not easily forget them, even when she realizes them to be untrue. Often she will repeat the chiding and shaming and blaming to herself when she misses her high mark of perfection that her tormentor, and now she, insists upon. These preconceived false notions must also be put to death. Lay them all on the altar before the Lord and let Him burn them as an offering. Shall you separate from your husband? Shall you stay? Shall you seek counsel? Shall you call the police? Shall you seek help from a local battered women's shelter? The Lord will give you answers to questions such as these as you seek His direction through His Word and in intimate times of fellowship with Him. To set before Him a limitation such as "I'll never leave my husband" is not dying to self. Remember that He sees what you do not see. An action such as separation may be the very thing He might use to convict your husband of his sin, but that is not your concern. That is between your husband and God. Sometimes a wife may unwittingly enable her husband in abusing her by her own erroneous notions of what Biblical submission is. You must die, dear one, even to these previously held beliefs. If you let Him, He will separate the wheat from the chaff and help you to rightly divide the Word and will bring you into all Truth. If you become anxious with yourself and desire the instantaneous death of all these things, remember, too, that dying is a process. It is a painful process, but we do have this promise in Romans 6:5 "For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection..."

Wait and you shall yet live, yet it is not you who will live, but Christ who lives in you. For you will have died -- died to your dreams that God would change your husband. You will have died to your imaginations that you could change or fix him if only you do or say just the right thing. Yet you will live, changed, you will live. How can this be? This is beyond our power and beyond our reasoning. It is only by His resurrection power that any of this will come to be. This resurrection power is what Christ has made available to each of us, through sending his Holy Spirit to dwell within us when we named Him as Lord of our lives. It is this power, His life in us, that transforms, heals, renews and restores us. If we watch how Jesus went about touching people with this power in their areas of greatest need, we'll notice that He never dealt with two people in exactly the same way. This is so very important to remember. Even if your situation is very similar to another sister's you know or have heard of, please know that He does not treat us in assembly-line fashion. He created each of us unique and our individual lives have contributed particular tools that have fashioned us into who we are today. He meets us in our weaknesses and in our strengths and He does so singly to each of us. Also notice in Scripture accounts how very gentle He was in his interaction with various women, how He sought to cover and protect them, not expose and humiliate them, even when He confronted them in their sin. Jesus is an advocate for women. Look at Him in the Scriptures:

He is compassionate toward the widow who lost her son. Without him she is alone, with no visible means of support; even her husband's family name is dead. Breaking Levitical Law, Jesus touches the bier and the son comes back to life. (Luke 7:11-17)

A town whore, a woman of "ill repute" embraced His feet before a room full of self-righteous religious dignitaries. She weeps over His feet and dries her tears from them with her hair. He does not embarrass her or rebuke her. Instead He proclaims her forgiveness and commends her on her love. (Luke 7:36-50)

A woman with an "issue of blood, " a woman's disease, followed Jesus until she worked up enough courage to reach out and touch the hem of His robe in order to heal herself. He turns to her when she touches Him and, rather than rebuking her for making Him ritually "unclean" calls her "Daughter" instead. (Matt 9:20-22; Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48)

He passionately defended His display of compassion for healing a woman "bent over for eighteen years" on the Sabbath. (Luke 13:10-17)

The Bible shows Him as a gentle instructor of women. See how women sit at his feet and are taught and how he gently rather than harshly corrects. (Luke 10:38-42)

He invited women to travel with Him and be His disciples (Joanna, Susannah, and Mary Magdalene).

To the ones who reproached the woman who came to anoint His head in Mark 14:6 He said, "Let her alone; why do you trouble her?" Or, as the Phillips' paraphrase states, "Why must you make her feel uncomfortable?" (John 12:2-7)

Jesus took up woman's cause by insisting that a man is not to divorce his wife and take another wife. I believe He was angry at men's capricious power and consequent female degradation. (Matt 5:31-32; Matt 19:9 Mark 10:10-12; Luke 16:18)

His gentleness and forthrightness are evident as He speaks with the Samaritan woman at Jacob's well. He tells her of her sin, but does not condemn her for it. (John 4:5-29)

His wisdom and gentle manner of authority are displayed to all in a courtyard with the woman caught in "very act" of adultery. (John 8:1-11)

The tears of His friend Mary, the sister of Lazarus, moved His soul to weep and to do something about her grief right away. (John 11:32-35)

These accounts paint a picture of a man who will never abuse, force, or twist a woman's will to devious purposes. He spiritually fills the roles of husband, friend, father and brother. His masculine qualities perfectly balance with His feminine nurturing attributes. He can be strong and gentle; He can nurture tenderly and embrace without sexuality. He is perfectly trustworthy. Allow the One called Faithful and True to show you the steps out of the grave that you will take. You must put away, also, any notions of what your own resurrected life will look like. Your life lived when it is Christ who lives in you, your resurrected life, may be very different than you may have heretofore imagined. Remain open to possibilities not previously considered before. Allow Him to take you by the hand and lead you into the fullness of Himself as can be had in the land of abundant living. We will still be met with tribulation and sorrow for Jesus guaranteed it. So even the spiritually resurrected life on this earth is expected to bear its thorns, and thorns do leave scars.

Your scars remain, dear ones, for testimony. Those for whom the violence is a past season you must tell others, tell them how the Lord brought you to life after those wounds killed your spirit. If you are still in the process of suffering with Him and dying with Him, know that the scars will remain. They may be pink and tender and still hurt when touched. Know too that the healing is no less miraculous when it's accomplished on the inside where the scars are hidden, just as some of Jesus' were so concealed that He had to disrobe to show them. We are called upon to be as transparent as He is. I truly think the Lord desires that we "disrobe" spiritually and emotionally with one another. Many Christians wear covers that not only deceive the brethren but also trap them behind self-imposed prison walls while they strive to keep their secrets secret. Healing is always best accomplished with plenty of fresh air circulating around the wound. Keeping the area clean is also important to aid in recovery. Likewise, in spiritual and emotional matters, we need to become more open with one another, allowing the Holy Spirit, the breath of God, to breathe healing on our inner wounds. Keep the wounded spirit clean, free from further wounding. This is particularly difficult for women whose present husbands are consumed with rage that they must deal with on a daily basis. An obstacle to this kind of spiritual and emotional transparency is the isolation that goes hand in hand with abuse. A typical maneuver that an abusive husband does is to systematically isolate his wife from most outside contact. She may believe it to be dishonoring to her husband for her to reveal her struggles to anyone. Additionally, she may feel shame and embarrassment that her family is not as it appears to their neighbors, family and friends. She may also legitimately fear reprisal from her angry husband should she tell anyone of his sin. She may be addicted to the hope that one day soon he will change and she will realize her dream of a godly home and family. Telling others is a great risk, for what if she tells, and then he changes? Will they forgive him? Wounded wives typically protect their husbands and cover for them in their sin. This requires that she isolate herself further so as to not allow anyone close enough to see the truth of her life nor the truth of his sin.

It takes courage to speak of things hidden for so long. Hiding ones, seek out a friend and share your struggles with her. Be sure she respects you as a child of God and that she will not try to coerce or manipulate you to act upon anything but what the Lord has spoken to you. It is degrading for a woman in pain to hear that the answer is just so very simple if she would only take this action or that step. It violates the one in the struggle to be ordered to leave the relationship she has invested her very life into. It is equally degrading to be told that there is no Biblical way out, and that her lot in life is to suffer and possibly die at the hands of her husband. She must hear her direction from the voice of her Lord and no other. Wise counsel is welcome, but do not insist or coerce her to follow it. There are resources in communities that one should become familiar with. A next step may be to join a support group for women in just your situation. Seek out others who will listen and to whom you can listen and who will understand. For a woman who has been isolated in an environment where sin rules the roost, healthy, loving relationships are like rain to parched ground. In the isolated environment an abuser creates, the cruelty begins to appear normal to the abused and the sin becomes acceptable by virtue of many creative denials and rationalizations. Others who understand the effects of abuse on one's soul can offer an objectivity that the wounded woman often loses during her isolation.

The next step, if and when one feels ready to take it, is to speak privately to the pastor of your church. It may help to take along an advocate, a close friend or a support group leader. She may be able to speak the words that fail you and offer encouragement and courage to a faltering, fearful spirit. Tell your pastor what has been happening in your home. He may or may not choose to confront your husband in his sin. Welcome his support if he offers it. However, he may not understand how a man as "charming" and as "pious" as your husband could possibly be so cruel. He may minimize your hurt and anguish. I pray he does not do this, dear sister, but you must know that he may not meet you with open arms of acceptance and protection. If he does not, know that you have done the right thing in telling him anyway. You can leave his office knowing you have done that which you could do in order to bring the brother who has sinned against you before the church. It is not love to allow his sin to continue unabated and hidden. You are better off knowing who it is that you can rely on for support and who you cannot.

Even those for whom the abuse is a season past have tendencies to continue hiding, with shame and embarrassment, the scars of their ordeal. It is not a simple thing to walk, or run as the case may be, away from years of love and hope and disappointment. Even once that is accomplished, the trauma of those years can haunt the ones who suffered. Grief is a natural but strange process. It sometimes overtakes us when we expect it least, even years after the death of a relationship. Just when a woman's life has begun to take on a quality of peace and safety that heretofore she had never known, she may find herself spiraling down into the depths of despair. She may find herself strangely emotionally detached from her children and, if she has remarried, from her present husband. She wonders why she cannot enjoy her life now that the abuse is a thing of the past. Her cry is, "What's wrong with me?" You may be grieving and there is nothing wrong with it. Grief is a normal, natural, God-given response to loss. Sin steals so much away. Look at Job. Evil took his fortune and his family. Then God restored his fortunes and blessed him with more children, but does this mean that he would not grieve the loss of his children who died? God may restore the years the locusts have eaten, but this doesn't remove the fact of the loss to begin with. Grieving is natural and it is a process that must be allowed to take its course. Accept that grief has visited you and do not hinder the process by denying its existence in your soul. Walk slowly through this valley of death knowing that the Lord is with you.

Judgments may follow those who adhered to the Biblical mandate to flee evil when it also meant the dissolution of a marriage. There are many in the Body of Christ who do not believe divorce to be acceptable under any circumstance, not even to save one's life or the lives of one's children. Separation, they say, is allowable; divorce is not. Their convictions are to be respected, however they are not the convictions of all Christendom. Whatever your personal views, know that there is not anything that can separate you from the fellowship and the love of Christ. If your violent marriage ended in divorce, you must know beyond any shadow of doubt that you are accepted in the Beloved and that the Lord will not hold back His blessings from you. Unveil your face and heart, sister. Show your scars. "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." (2 Corinthians 3:18) Not only will further healing occur in your own heart and soul, but you may open the door to healing for others. Your scars have a story to tell so that others who are struggling too may find hope and courage in your testimony of how God delivered you. Be encouraged by Psalm 37:6 "He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."

Resurrection. It is our hope and our promise. There is a road that leads there, and it goes by way of Golgotha. Take a tentative first step today toward resurrected life in Christ. You'll find there with you One who has tread that path before. He knows each hill and valley, each stone that threatens to stumble you. He knows the pain you carry on your back, in your mind and in your heart. He experienced it all before you. He understands your desires, your hopes and your fears. He understands your questions. His answer to you is the same one He gave to Mary, the sister of Lazarus, when death confronted her. Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?" (John 11: 25-26) We must believe and hold to this promise. In doing so we will be able to bear our scars gracefully, not shamefully nor proudly, but as a proclamation of His great love. As our lives bear witness to this miracle, therein lies the resurrection story.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Jesus Loves You - Whitney Houston

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:59 AM

At times we need to be reminded of the Love of Christ for us. We get so much negative information at times, and we forget the positive about his love. Having uplifting music I feel helps in this battle!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

"Whatever you do, It ain't right!" Response! Christian men and their wifes..

6 comments Posted by Hannah at 4:55 PM

Okay! I will be honest here, but I sure see an 'air' of blame, and no honestly placing accountability towards behavior here! I found another article that is driving me right up a wall! LINK for the entire thing.

Oftentimes, husbands can be overbearing upon their wives without fully realizing the consequences of it. This is especially true of Christian wives who are taught to be submissive and obedient to their husbands (which is God's way). However, it is not good for a husband to be overbearing; in fact, it's a sin if the wife is being abused. Men are dominant by nature; that is to say, they want to have control over everything that is there's. Nothing makes a man angrier than when he loses control over what is his. If a wife leaves her husband, he has lost control of her. If other people are giving her advice, the husband is at the mercy of the wife's sense of judgment during her time of despair. Oftentimes, wives are given ungodly advice by well-meaning, but carnal people. Our advice should come from the Word of God. Of course, divorce is always a sin. God never leaves us (Hebrews 13:5), nor should we ever leave our spouse.

Men are dominant by nature; that is to say, they want to have control over everything that is there's! I guess I can agree that SOME men are like that, but certainly not ALL! Control and dominance has no place within a Christian home! I mean this gentlemen is basically saying, "I know some men get a bit overbearing, but HEY its something in our nature at times!" Don't give yourself excuses Mr. Stewart! Excuses dont' matter! Domination in the home is something that can easily go to far, and are we NOT to try to avoid "going there" to begin with?

I have NO CLUE why some men look to ladies and think they have brains they can't use like men at times! MEN in this situation didn't listen to advice and calling to them by scripture if their women walked out the door due to their overbearing attitudes! He didn't get some really good advice either I guess! I mean WHY would he take it that far, so that she felt there was no other way for peace besides leaving? God doesn't leave us I will grant you that, but husbands can leave their wifes and STILL be living inside the home! Normally, THAT someone lives there has been already been told, has already discussed attitudes whether or not this author wants to admit it! It takes alot for MOST ladies to live their husbands! Women are hardly dim witted as the attitude I'm reading either!

Many wives are the victims of their husband's constant criticisms for poor cleaning performance, looks, etc. A wise and loving husband will work with his wife to help her accomplish her tasks. Sometimes women get stuck in their minds being inside the home all day, they need a loving husband to help them...not badger them with negative talk. Wickedly, some husbands swear at their wives and viciously degrade them. This is sin. No one should ever lash out in anger at anyone. Many wives are kicking posts for their husbands to take out there frustrations on. Not necessarily physical abuse, but mental and emotional torment. A wife should not have to fear her husband's anger every time she makes a mistake. This type of relationship is common in older marriages (where a couple has been married for many years). Sometimes married couples get tired of each other and any love they once felt towards each other has grown ice cold. Merely repeating life's endless daily cycle year after year can drain a marriage's batteries. People get tired and become apathetic. This is all too common in marriages. The bills never stop coming. One problem after another arises. Life becomes a chore.

Now he was doing okay until he got to the part of "older" couples! If a man has been as wicked as he states for years.....get tired of each other isn't the biggest factor here! LOL! I will admit the tired of each other and apathetic issues do happen! If the torture he speaks of is happening all those years, being apathetic isn't the worse part of their issues! Being an 'older' couple isn't the majority either.

Many married couples see the problems, but don't see a way to make things better. The husband feels like a slave at his job. The wife is tired of the husband being crabby all the time. He is tired and just wants to give up in life. Then his wife leaves him and threatens divorce. He wants to kill himself but knows it's not the answer. The wife is taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist. Nothing helps. The wife is emotionally unstable, the husband is overbearing and controlling. The wife lies to her husband to avoid getting in trouble again. The husband does everything he can to make his wife happy, but he just can't get control of his hot temper...and he wants everything done yesterday. Sound familiar? I've just described millions of marriages all across America.

LOL I hate when people generalize like this!

All too often, a wife feels like she just can't seem to do anything right...everything she does is wrong in her husband's eyes. She gets depressed and loses her desire for romance. She no longer wants to clean the house. Her husband gets even angrier because the house is dirty and the garbage stinks. And the situation takes a domino effect downhill. Sadly, divorces often result in such problematic marriages.

I wrote this article to speak to any wives who may be in the situation I just feel like you just can't do anything right in your husband's eyes. Listen ladies, your husband needs you! A husband often gets tired at his job, tired of people, tired of life, even tired of his wife...and this drains his wife's batteries down greatly (if you let it). I'm speaking primarily to wives who stay at home while their husbands work outside the home. There is nothing wrong with being a homemaker, but it's critically important that wives learn to understand their husband's more. Look ladies, you need to keep your head up and help your husband. God created Eve to be Adam's "helpmeet." A wife is to help her husband. When a man comes home tired from work, he should receive a good meal, slippers, a hot bath, etc. Unfortunately, many husbands still find a reason to get angry at the wife. This is horribly wrong, but I believe wives should learn to help their husbands by openly speaking with them instead of hiding their emotions. A wife should kindly confront her husband on his day off when he's not busy and ask him if for some time to talk. Do something nice for him. Then kindly let him know that you feel he's being unfair (or whatever). Communication is critical to a healthy marriage. If he won't listen, then you have a problem that may require counseling.
LOL do you see the one way street here? Ladies need to understand their MEN, but I guess MEN don't need to understand their ladies! There are days - men and ladies - would love the good meal, a hot bath, slippers, etc! Mr. Stewart most ladies DO start to talk to their husbands, and NOT always in combative ways! If you live with a person that you walk around on eggshells with - you tend to find all kinds of ways of approach to see what will WORK! How about you concentrate on the overbearing husband, and not tell others to coddle them! I mean you are trying to get across that we are 'real' men! You don't enable 'real' men nor do you coddle them! When you live with an overbearing person chances are pretty darn good there ISN'T a good way of approaching them! There are alot of men living with overbearing women, and I bet THEY would also tell you the same THING! If the roles were reversed I highly doubt MEN learning more about ladies would help them either! The problem isn't learning about genders - the problem is the overbearing person that feels entitled to his slippers, good meal, and a hot bath without consideration of the other PERSON! Stay at home ladies also work very hard, and its strange to me how you don't mention some 'luxury time' needed by the other party!

Normally when you have overbearing person - he needs individual counseling so he get that in check...THEN you do the marriage counceling to attempt to place the peices back together! That isn't a gender issue either! It would be the same if the gender roles are reversed in your example!

A wife needs to be assertive with her husband. Many wives keep SILENT and hide their fears and frustrations until they snap one day and then leave for weeks or months. That is ridiculous and wrong. A wife should not get into the habit of abandoning her husband. You mothers tell your daughter to stay home where she belongs. Cut the umbilical cord mom. Learn to talk with your husband. Being ASSERTIVE is not insubordination. You have every right as a wife to speak your mind in a proper way. And by the way, the husband has absolutely no right to verbally degrade and insult his wife. Many husbands are guilty of verbal abuse. God pity the man who continually mistreats his wife. God created Eve from Adam's rib, the nearest thing to Adam's heart. Eve wasn't created from Adam's feet to be trodden upon, nor from Adam's head to have dominion over her husband. No, Eve was created from the nearest bone to Adam's heart...a rib. A husband is commanded by God to love his wife; but if the husband isn't as loving as he should be at times, the wise wife will exercise some understanding and try to alleviate his frustrations. It's your job ladies to "help" your husbands in any way you can.

Many PEOPLE (not just women) keep silent around a person that is 'overbearing' as you put it! They have tried to approach many times only to get slapped down! If they go to the church they are normally counseled to 'deal with themselves' which isn't bad advice, except no one addresses the behavior causing the issues! Normally when someone is that overbearing they have insecurity issues for some reason! It could have formed from childhood, and the overbearing person I'm sure just LOVES your article! They are OFF the HOOK! Mr. Stewart where is the bible does it state to just learn to COPE with sin? Where does God as us to do that in this context? IT doesn't! It doesn't say allow you husband to sin because he had a bad day, or he tends to be overbearing! It doesn't say LET HIM SLIDE! Chances are very good that the ladies you are addressing have done just that, and things got WORSE! You see when you ignore the sin - where is the incentive to stop? Placing boundaries down, and stating what will happen if he refuses to get help and attempts some changes is loving and helping her mate! He lives in a world of anger, and unless he does something to change that.......he always WILL!

I wrote this article because it's time for Christian wives to become smarter than the average bear. Too many foolish women run out the door, run to shelters, cry wolf, and make a mountain out of a molehill. It would be much better if wives would exercise a little understanding and be much more patient with their tired, nagging, and unloving husband. The woman's fantasy of a prince charming who never gets mad, never complains, never looks at another woman, never smells, never burps, never does something wrong is just that...a fantasy. Men are sinners just like women. We are all prone to anger and rebellion against God (Ephesians 2:1-2). Even for Christians who have found the Lord, life can be extremely difficult. Being a Christian doesn't guarantee an easier life, but it's better because you can look to the Lord Jesus Christ for guidance and strength.

What Mr. Steward doesn't realize is that he is enabling an abuser to keep abusing when shaming the abused party in this fashion! It would be much better if husbands would exercise a little understanding and patience with their families, and got the help they needed so they could live up to what scripture calls for in a husband! No one has to coddle or ignore or attempt to understand SINFUL behavior! Running out the door to a shelter isn't crying WOLF! If she had to go to a shelter - there is more there than just learning tolerance a bad spirited man!

All I'm saying in this article ladies a lot more patient with your husband. It is your God-ordained duty to help him. It's your husband's duty to protect and provide for you. Learn to talk about things together, and not attack each other. It's ok to agree to disagree. That's true for husbands and wives too you know. Husbands and wives should allow each other room to live, space to be who they want to be. No husband should smother his wife, but it often happens. I knew a woman who cried because her husband painted the inside of the house mostly black...she hated it. A loving husband wouldn't have done that, but would have allowed his wife to pick the color since she is the one looking at it most of the time. He simply didn't think about her. That is selfish and wrong.

You know what else is selfish and wrong? Someone stating that it is a person's GOD ORDAINED duty to cope with SIN! Its funny how this author can name, and attempts to NOT justify the behavior.....but tells the other party to just DEAL WITH IT! Its the husband's JOB to love the wife! If she feels loved - she will go out of her way to honor her man! You see how that works? I'm talking in relationships when we are dealing with normal, healthy people! If you have an overbearing husband or wife - the above equation isn't going to happen! That overbearing person needs to DEAL with their sin, and the spouse needs to enlist help to make sure he or she DOES that also! At times you can't get that horse to water, and if it gets worse (in most cases it does) you separate until such time that person decides they are going to do what it takes to help themselves! Its isn't the other spouses ISSUE if they have no self control! Its very loving and healthy to remove yourself from awful situations if they refuse the help they need! God does command men to love and provide, and I don't see you addressing the fact that in your article is NOT doing that very well!
Don't get tired ladies. If you feel that everything you do is wrong (and it may be to your husband), take it with a grain of salt. You know that God is happy with your performance. You know whether you're doing a good job or not. Your husband may criticize you, but YOU KNOW if it's legitimate or not. Please don't misunderstand me here, I think you should confront your husband in a loving way if you think he's being unfair or abusive. All I'm saying is that a wife should learn not to take it so seriously when her husband criticizes her if it's obvious that he's tired or having a rough time. Men get frustrated easily ladies, we just don't have the patience that you ladies do. We want everything done yesterday. We like to say things like, "Get to the point" or "I don't have all day." We shouldn't say things like that to our wives, but sometimes we do. Have mercy on us ladies. Again, I'm not trying to justify any wrongdoing by an overbearing husband, I'm simply saying that a wife could greatly "help" her husband by not allowing her feelings to get hurt when it should be obvious that he just came home from a jungle out there. It's going to happen. So when you're feeling that you just can't do anything right, please keep in mind that you were created by God to help your husband.

LOL HERE we go again! Ladies you see men have no self control! If you realize that then you won't get so frustrated! WRONG! That isn't loving your wife as God commands you to do! Learning patience is loving your wife! Learning self control so you don't get so frustrated over life is loving your wife! You are justifying wrong doing Mr. Stewart - I hate to tell YA! Men have more responsibilities according to scripture, and you are telling ladies to just ignore that part! ITS just the way we are! Guess what? Ladies aren't wired to accept abuse because you feel it is needed! God doesn't ask people to cope with sin! He tells us to rid ourselves of it doesn't he? THAT includes the overbearing behavior that people have!

Its a jungle at home (as a housewife) also Mr. Stewart! It gets really bad when you have grown adult that comes home, and acts worse the kids do! Is that loving your wife? NOPE! God doesn't ask her to cope with that either! He calls for men to take charge of themselves! If that means accountability partner - get it! If that means you must go and get professional help - GET IT! A man is to love his wife as he loves himself! Constant bad behavior isn't loving of oneselve! The men should do something about that!

Abusive people have roots within them that they can't control! Sitting around being nice and ignoring their behavior isn't going help! If you feel threatened then find someone that will help you confront the person! Make sure you have some place to go incase it gets ugly! Mr. Stewart may not know about that part! I don't think he would give this advice if he did! I'm sure he had good intentions, but enabling or coping with bad behavior is SIN! Calling them on it, and finding ways of helping them to help themselves is the loving way! There is no excuse about "it just the way we are wired!" because no one is wired to accept the treatment! God didn't wire people to be overbearing and dominating either! That is not the Godly spirit that God intends!

Everyone can be ugly on occasion, but when they are routinely - its not the spouse that has the issue! This isn't a gender issue either - the same goes for everyone!

I will leave you with this scripture:

Mark 10:43-45 This, however, is not the way it is among you. If one of you wants to be great, you must be the servant of the rest; 44 and if one of you wants to be first, you must be the slave of all. 45 For even the Son of Man did not come to be served; he came to serve and to give his life to redeem many people."

Does that remotely sound like God is asking the leaders of the homes to demand that their members COPE with their sin? Both genders are to serve the other - not ignore their sin because that is the WAY we are! This type of writing is enabling bad behavior, and is rooted in fear of actually visualizing the truth! I think its highly irresponsibile of people write on this subject, and hold must of the burden on the receiving end of bad behavior!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Spousal Abuse n the Christian Home

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:59 PM

Spousal Abuse in the Christian home

This blogger writes about her childhood growing up as a pastor's child, and witnessing and taking the abuse of her pastor father.

Its awesome and I recommend this read!

God Save My Marriage

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 6:41 PM


I haven't seen to many sites that actually target abuse within the family that I was all that rot hot crazy about! This one seems to get it! I don't know much about them, but I wanted to share it with you!

Let me know you know anything about it also!

Comments appreciated!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

DV One size doesn't fit ALL!

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 6:37 PM


Very good article - please read the entire thing!

The ending I will quote here!


The most important thing you can do for a friend or family member who's being abused is to let the person know you care. They need to know that you are there for them, no matter what. If you see signs or specific behavior patterns in a loved one or friend, you cannot look away. Here are some things to be alert to. Is she:

*Not coming to family gatherings or outings?

*Making excuses for not showing up when they're expected?

*Wearing clothes that hide arms and legs during hot weather.

*Appearing irritable or depressed?

*Talking about trouble in the relationship?

*Openly admitting emotional, physical or sexual abuse?

These are all signs of abuse.

If someone is trying to reach out to you for help, don't pass it off as a one time incident. Abuse is against the law; these are not accidents, they are crimes. If you choose to ignore appeals for help, she could be killed, and there will be no more choices to make, except to pick up the pieces. Listen to the person who comes to you for assistance or advice. Don't judge her. Do not minimize the extent of what she says is going on.

Abuse is not a "One Size Fits All" Solution. Like our own fingerprints no two cases of abuse are the same. Our society does not make it okay for anyone to say "I need help" or I am a victim of abuse or a broken relationship", when there is so much contempt for weakness and submissiveness.

The names, addresses and telephone numbers of programs and agencies who assist victims of domestic violence are located in your phone book under social service agencies. Or you can search the internet. Sit down at the kitchen table with her, take paper and pen and help her with a safety plan or to set goals. Let her know you will help and support her in every way. If you know someone who is being abused, but you are fearful of confronting that person, send them information anonymously. Don't look the other way. Do something!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Who Moved My Cheese

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 6:59 PM

I found this story online, and I had heard about it.

I think it can speak to everyone!


Link to pdf file

Link to Author's website

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Ending Domestic Violence in Muslim Families

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 10:54 PM


It looks like a good article!

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