Scholarship for Abuse Victims

Moms Without Kids: A Family Court Holocaust mentioned a program for scholarship for abuse victims.

The Women’s Independence Scholarship Program, Inc. began as a program of The Sunshine Lady
Foundation (SLF) in 1999 and has provided more than $16 million in scholarships since its inception.

WISP is for women who are survivors of intimate partner abuse and are either currently attending or thinking about attending school.

Support is available for full or part-time students in accredited educational programs.

Applications are accepted on a continuous basis.

Please allow at least two (2) months for processing.

More information, including complete eligibility requirements and an application are available online at www.wispinc.org

For additional questions, call toll-free 866-255-7742

Women’s Independence Scholarship Program (WISP)
Scholarship Funds Available

What a nice idea, and thank you for this awesome scholarship opportunity!

Misogyny seems to be a part of the shootings

This a picture of the victims of the shooting from NewJersey.com In Order, Reshma James - Dennis John Mallosseril - Silvy Perincheril






NYdaily's photo of suspect

Phillyburbs stated:

Reshma James had taken out a restraining order against her estranged husband, Avigliano said.

"She found out he wasn't all he was cut out to be," Avigliano said. "He was abusive toward her, and she left him and came out here."

The couple were married just over a year ago in India and moved to Sacramento in January.

Reshma's aunt, Maria Joseph, of Hartford, Conn., said she warned her niece, who was studying to become a nurse, not to marry him. Other relatives told her the man had a history of "behavioral problems," Joseph said.

Telegraphindia mentioned:

“I do not know whether the possessiveness was born of genuine love or an irrational suspicion about her. He did not like her meeting people and preferred her to be indoors all the time,” said James Kochuparampil, Reshma’s maternal uncle.

The couple had together arrived in Kerala three months ago, apparently to try and save the marriage which was falling apart because Pallipurath, 27, allegedly tortured his 24-year-old wife. But Reshma’s relatives here said they never guessed the marriage was on the rocks.

By then, however, the family had already received tidbits of information about Pallipurath’s wayward behaviour, for instance that “he was on drugs”. Still, they let Reshma go back to the US because she had relatives in America she could turn to for help anytime.


The couple, however, separated after returning to the US, the husband going to his home in Sacramento, California, and the wife taking refuge with her aunt Silvy Perincheril, 47, in New Jersey. Perincheril, a nurse, was by Reshma’s side in the church and was shot and critically injured by Pallipurath.

Reshma had graduated in nursing from Chennai and was completing formalities for enrolment as a registered nurse in the US. She had to start working soon to ensure a decent life for her family back home.

worldnewsaustralia wrote:

James had taken out a restraining order against Pallipurath, prosecutors said.

In California, the suspect's father had called on him to surrender, as did relatives of one of the victims in New Jersey.

All three victims were shot once in the head and didn't regain consciousness, depriving investigators of the opportunity to interview them.

sepiamutiny has breakdowns of the events.

Someone had sent a list to me that I wanted to share about situations like this. Domestic violence was must certainly an huge issue within their relatonship. There is alot of talk about what a Misogynist is, and I had found a list I wanted to share with everyone. I found it on VNN Editorial

Characteristics Of A Misogynist


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BY MAHANIDHI DASA

EDITORIAL, Dec 4 (VNN) — The Twenty-six Characteristics of a Misogynist (one who hates women)
presented by Mahanidhi dasa

1. He thinks that his masculinity depends on dominating women.
2. He feels powerful by subjugating women.
3. His emotional security depends on women being controlled.
4. He wants to insure that women are less powerful than he.
5. He controls women by destroying their self-confidence.
6. He is unnecessarily critical of women.
7. He intimidates women by finding faults with them.
8. He humiliates women in public and devalues their opinions.
9. He sees encounters with or about women as a battle to be won.
10. He must always win in a discussion with or about women.
11. He blames women for failings that are not related to them.
12. He blames women for his own failings and shortcomings.
13. He accuses women of being too sensitive if they get upset with him.
14. He will confuse issues by changing the subject.
15. He will confuse issues by denial or word jugglery.
16. He will confuse issues by acting as if nothing happened after it did.
17. He belittles or ignores women s accomplishments.
18. He denies her feelings and makes her wrong for feeling them.
19. He is condescending, taunting, jeering, or angry toward her.
20. He is hostile, aggressive, contemptuous, or cruel to her.
21. He makes derogatory comments about women in general.
22. He wants to punish women when they displease him.
23. He has no remorse or guilt for the pain he causes women.
24. He is in anxiety about women and meditates on them.
25. He forces women not to do things that they re qualified to do.
26. He selectively quotes authorities to substantiate his position.

Misogyny is a mental disorder that requires therapy. If someone you know has some or all of the above symptoms, humbly request that person to find qualified treatment for their condition.

Domestic Violence? Church Leadership show perfect example of how they don't have a clue what it is!

The Church Leader Gazette wrote an article about domestic violence, and some of it maybe comment sense, but the rest of it is nonsense!

Men are definitely at fault in most cases of domestic violence. As we
learned in elementary school, boys should not hit girls–a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances. But contrary to popular belief, women are oftentimes at fault by provoking the man. Some women provoke a negative response from their husbands inadvertently, because they do not know how to deal with a man probably because they never had a father in the home to teach them or they never had a mother, older sister or older woman to teach them how to handle a man. However, some women intentionally provoke their husbands by pushing buttons that they know will cause a negative reaction.

First off, I know I have taught my son never to HIT anyone...except in self defense. There is no need for hitting, and to say that people PUSHED your buttons to do that? For goodness sakes! How many times in life have people been in situations in which others PUSHED their buttons? I would say quite a bit at times, depending on WHOM you are talking to. I have never hit anyone that pushed my buttons. lol unless you want to count the time I was a child, and creamed my brother on occasion!

What is this man saying? Men don't grow up and figure out that isn't acceptable? I mean HARDLY! If they don't figure that out they will on their way to jail! I think we all know men that have had their buttons pushed, and have never lashed out at another person in that fashion. This author is giving lack of self control as a reason. Lack of proper authority figures within the home is also mentioned for others feeling they are entitled to make excuses for the lashing out. How many times did people attempt to push Jesus's buttons? Do we read pages and pages in the bible in which he told others he was 'justified' because someone made him do it?

HE HAS to be kidding ME! What in insult to men and woman alike!

Dear sister, never think that domestic violence is a normal way of life, and it should not occur in any relationship, especially in a Christian family relationship. Here are some things that you can do, as a young woman, to make sure that you do not end up in a relationship like this. I am going to deal with this issue from two standpoints: (1) Do not marry a man who is prone to violence in the first place, and (2) If God blesses you with a good man, here are some things you should do, and should not do, so as not to provoke him to negative behaviour. So, please listen carefully and take heed to the following:

I had to giggle at this part! Women can take a good man, and push them into beating them! For goodness SAKES! People that BEAT are broken people! Gender doesn't matter on this! He must really think we are raising a bunch of weak MEN in this world for him to say such a thing! I understand the not marrying a violent man part, but the rest is just excuses! MAKE SURE you don't MAKE your man HIT YOU! Is he seriously saying most people are that weak? I mean lets get down to reality here - abusers are weak people! I would like to introduce this author to some real men that don't make excuses for their bad behavior - because there are TONS of them out there!

The author then lists some traits for abusive personalities to show women WHO not to marry.

HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED TO KEEP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FROM EVER HAPPENING

YBW,
let me remind you that the young black men of today are not your grandfather or even your father. The young black men of today are simply not going to put up with any disrespect from their woman. It is true that a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances, period. however, some women can bring this type of harmful activity upon themselves by not applying the Word of God, wisdom, and common sense to the marital relationship. Below are some common sense things that you can do to avoid having anything close to domestic violence happening in your home, assuming that you married a God-fearing, decent man in the first place:

I guess according to this author men of today don't know what is meant by being a gentleman or God Fearing Man. I mean even gentlemen and God Fearing men know how to properly deal with disrespectful people. I guess a speech about how not to get involved with women that are disrespectful wasn't needed, because he already gave men the green light to bash them. I mean they DID push the buttons right?

In domestic violence relationships don't hand abusers excuses for their behavior! There is no good excuse. I don't care HOW badly someone is pushing your buttons, disrespecting you, etc - you have no right landing hands on anyone. There is no YOU brought it upon yourself! I know I have been in situations where I would have LOVED to lay hands on someone, but I knew enough to get the heck out of dodge somehow! I figured out a way to cool myself down before I did something stupid! Goodness we have all been there! Just because someone else is acting badly doesn't give you the green light or excuse of them pushing you into sin. You did that ALL by yourself!

People don't make you sin! People don't PUSH you to sin! People don't PROVOKE you to sin! Its your decision to sin, and if you want to make excuses for it...that's SIN as well!

His list this time? Sighhhhhhhh!

Do not lie to your husband about anything, past, present, or future. There is no sense in lying to the person that you are married to, or to anyone else for that matter, but especially to your own husband. Lying will destroy the foundation of your marriage faster than anything. So, be honest about everything.

In domestic violence situations it isn't always SAFE to not lie about things! I mean he is talking about domestic violence right? I can understand the NOT lying in healthy relationships - he has a point it does break the foundation. If you are doing things to avoid a rage sessions, answering questions you know are being asked so he has the excuse to be provoked, etc. You are scared and you may lie to avoid these things. You aren't doing it for the same reason as someone outside of a domestic violence relationship. There are completely different reasons why people that are abused would lie compared to this sad excuse he is giving. I'm not justifying lieing here! Just being truthful with the reality of domestic violence! The truth will get your bashed just as much as the lie!

Dear sister, if you have a problem with wandering eyes and you just can’t control yourself when a handsome man gets within eye-shot, then you might need to get some spiritual healing in that area before you get married. One thing you do not want to do in front of your husband or husband to be is look at other men. That is disrespectful to him and the Bible tells us that “jealousy is the rage of a man”. And please don’t do this passive-aggressive nonsense of being vindictive and trying to get back at your husband by making him jealous because you had a disagreement or something. Many women have gone to a premature grave for doing silly things like that. You shouldn't’t do this at all, but if you just have to look at another man, have enough sense to do it when your husband is not around. I know this may sound petty to you, but the name of the game is don’t do anything to disrespect your husband.

If anyone man or woman took their partner to an early grave due to going to far in regards to their jealousy they should have sought spiritual healing before marriage. Stop making excuses!

People will look at the opposite gender, and at times it means NOTHING! Don't LOOK at anyone when your spouse is around?

Again this author has made no effort in doing any research whatsoever in the area of domestic violence. Alot of people can do nothing at all, or innocently look somewhere and get accused of this. There was no vindictive or passive agressive motive behind it. I'm sure there are people that play games, and if they do shame on THEM! To think that is some justication for domestic violence? This author does realize this behavior is illegal right?

May I encourage you not to disrespect your husband in front of your family or in front of your girlfriends, and definitely don’t disrespect him in front of his buddies. Depending on his makeup, he might be able to take a little bit of your mouthing off and showing out at home with just you and the children there, but he is not going to take your embarrassing him in front of other people. And for common sense sake, don’t go around telling your family and friends all of your business that goes on in your house because this is another point that may get his ire up and may cause him to go off on you.

I think this author is seriously trying to combine sinful behavior of immature adults, and combine that with domestic violence. Your spouses disrespects you in front of family or friends - that's no excuse to take it out on her or the children behind closed doors. That's not a God fearing man we are talking about here. YES the behavior should be addressed, but to think this author is almost saying it is justified makes me wonder how God fearing he is. There are steps in the bible to address BAD behavior, and what he speaks of isn't IT!

This may sound like a no-brainer to you, but do not commit adultery in any way, shape, form or fashion. If you are ever tempted to commit adultery, run–don’t walk–away from it. This is a sure cause for domestic violence. Society has it backwards, but when you get married, you are to be married until “death do you part.” This means that no one or nothing should come between the two of you. Again, let me repeat, you may be married to the strong, silent type, but “jealousy is still
the rage of a man”.

This man has to be kidding me right? Again we need to seek the bible for addressing this, and not use excuses for domestic violence as excuse for this behavior.

There are other ways that women show disrespect to their husbands that seem small to them, but are very irritating to men. Here are the big five: (1) talking back to him when he is trying to tell you something; (2) talking back while he is trying to tell you something (we all know women can think and talk faster than men); (3) rolling the eyes; (4) smirking; (5) cursing and calling your husband names. You don’t have to respond to everything that he does or says. Be a woman who respects and loves her husband despite his faults or failures, and be Christ-like in your response. The Bible, in fact, tells you in 1 Peter 3:4: “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” This is not about being a doormat. This is about being smart.

I think I can safely say no one likes this type of behavior. What does it say about a man that asks women to act Christlike, and yet gives excuses to men that can't seem to? Blind maybe? Men are to be respect to their wifes despite their faults and failures as well. Guess what Mr. Author>>> domestic violence isn't respectful in the least! You are asking women to stand up to a standard you have in your head, and not allowing the men in your life have the standard that God has asked them to.

Please understand that the way God has wired you as a woman is that your satisfaction comes from satisfying your husband and your family. God did not give him to you just for him to please you. You are to please him as well. Make sure you do your part. The older women will tell you that it really doesn’t take much to please a man. If you don’t know how to please a man, you better ask somebody. But as a man, I can assure you that it doesn’t take much. If you have been married to your husband for just a little while, God will give you the ability and the instincts to know what your husband wants and needs. Don’t let the devil tempt you into thinking that you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. Do not fight these instincts, and do not act as though you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. You know! Don’t sit in your house and not meet your husband’s needs, and think that he is going to be all you need for him to be. Honey, this is a two-way street. Yes, God expects that man to be “all that” to you, but God also expects you to be “all that” to him.

(shaking head and sighly loudly) Why do people write articles about domestic violence when they haven't got the first clue what they are dealing with? Women don't need to be told what they desire, etc. LOL I highly doubt men do either! Neither need to be told HOW we are wired!

In domestic violence situations you don't know how to satisify the person that is abusing you. lol if just doing that WORKED we wouldn't have the issues we have today! I'm sorry but I find articles like this extremely disrespectful when they plow all this ignorance into the issue. People abuse others - because they CAN! You can have the house clean as pin, favorite dinner on the table, slippers waiting be placed on the minute they walk in with children quietly and being dutiful - and an abuser will still RAGE and abuse. Its their brokeness that causes this, and not this nonsense about pleasing your man. Abusive people are irrational, and you can't negotoite with a crazy person! They aren't capable of that! I think this man seriously needs to spend some time with men, woman and children that have been abused. He has no clue what he is talking about, and if an abused person is reading this...it can be very damaging!

Understand that men are very serious about their food. Food is not just a necessity to a man, it is an event. It is something that he looks forward to. So, don’t make an issue out of his food. Don’t burn his food. Make sure his food is prepared on time, whether you do the cooking or not. Make sure it is done in a sanitary fashion, meaning, for example, that you wash your hands before you touch his food. Most men are very funny about how people prepare their food. Dear sister, you can probably eat a little something and keep on moving, but a man cherishes a good meal and takes it seriously. You can avoid a lot of trouble in your marriage by making sure this area is taken care of.

lol he has to be kidding! Lets mark that up to the saying, "A way to man's heart is via the stomach" shall we? You burn something - don't be cross when he punches you! Bleck!

If you have children, take care of your children. Do your part in raising, teaching, loving, and caring for them as their mother. There are some things that your husband will do with the children that you will not and cannot do. But he will appreciate it if you fulfill your part as their mother. Now let me emphasize something here, nothing will get a father and/or husband more upset than if he sees his children being neglected and/or mistreated by their own mother. Not being a loving, caring, and doting mother over his children will get you in a lot of trouble real fast.

Abusive spouses aren't good parents. Any good parent would be upset at the neglect and maltreatment of their children! Abusive spouses that abuse the spouse, and as you hear alot DON'T abuse the children.....aren't good parents either. A good parent would never mistreat their partner ever! Showing disrespect for anyone isn't being a good parent.

If you are a Christian young lady, God has commanded you to submit to your husband and God has also commanded you to obey your husband. Ephesians 5:22 states: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Titus 2:5 states: “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Now, if you want to be obedient to God, go ahead and have this kind of attitude and spirit and do this, and you can avoid a whole lot of pain and heartache in your marriage and in your family. I told my wife before we got married that we were going to do this thing called marriage “God’s way or no way,” and what I meant by that is: God is holding me accountable, and I am holding her accountable to doing it His way. And when we do it God’s way, we have peace and tranquility in our homes. When we cease to do it God’s way, we bring problems and trouble in our homes, and sad to say, even domestic violence.

Oh please!

God isn't going to give you the excuse that if you wife was the worse of characters its okay and understandable why domestic violence happens. Does this author seriously think God would give him an excuse? Your wife doesn't follow the word, but ME as a good Christian man is NOW OKAY with God if I push her around a bit?

I think this author needs to back to bible study. I'm not sure he is been shown a clear description fo what God's way is.

Daughters and YBW, if you claim to be a Christian, act like a Christian, and go ahead and stop trying to do marriage your way, and do it God’s way and save yourself a whole lot of heartache and trouble. I hope that you will take the above suggestions in the loving spirit in which they were written.

The above is a bunch of excuses, and you seem to forget that any person that commits domestic violence isn't acting as a CHRISTIAN - no excuses! Domestic violence isn't caused by not being submissive, etc. That's garbage! Its not caused by not honoring and disrespected someone! It amazes that me that people can believe this simplistic stuff in this day and age! It's truly shocking!

Daughters and YBW, domestic violence is a choice. Many people choose to have drama like this in their marriages, because of simply wanting to do things their way and not God’s way. No, a man should never hit a woman, but a woman should never provoke a situation that would cause a man to hit her or to abuse her in the first place. Contrary to society, this is a two way street. But you can avoid domestic violence and the pain that comes with it, if you just do the things listed above, in your marriage. I assure you that your marriage and family will be a happy one if you do these things. ,

You can't assure people of that! Its NOT possible! Ask the people that have been victims of domestic violence! Ask the people that work with abusers, and victims! Domestic violence within a relationship doesn't happen because someone broke some rule that you listed. I'm sorry but men that write this junk make me wonder if they justified their own bad behavior within their relationship themselves.

As a final note, dear sister, if you are doing God’s will and you are doing your part, but you are still in a relationship that is violent, then I strongly encourage you to run to safety as fast as you can–to a battered women’s shelter or some other organization like that, where the batterer can’t get to you. Again, here is the number to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

May God Bless You and Keep You,

huh? I thought he could assure people of safety if they followed the rules? Guess that shows you how good the advice was! I truly feel sorry for people like this. TRULY! I pray for the poor victims that come into the path of them. Ignorance can kill as well. I would challege this author to do some homework, and maybe dedicate his time to his local shelter to see the error of his statements. I realize he won't, because he would rather place his myths of the issue out there rather than dealing with the reality. Its so sad.

When will the church come out their bubble and smell the reality?

Forgiveness - what is it really?

So many times I have read or heard these messages of forgive and forget like God does. To me it seems like they don't wish to confront the sin as mentioned in Matthew. To me its a counterdiction of scripture. I mean which is it? Confront sin or forgive and forget? It seems to me this is handled upon the parties comfort level. If they don't wish to face the abuser - forgive and forget is used. We can forgive and forget as the saying goes if the person turns from their sin, but if they are constantly asking for forgiveness for the same sin? There is no heart change there, and that is what God asks of everyone. It seems discernment needs to be used.

Forgiveness to me is for US and not for anyone else! I see it as God's way of telling us he doesn't wish us to harbor contempt and other burdens that would hold us down. He wants us to let it go, and he asks us to pray for them to help us do just that! Forgiveness is a tool to have a heart change as God would wish us to have. Abusers will ask for forgiveness, and its NOT for them! They use this as a tool to wipe the slate clean, but God is asking for a heart change. He is asking that you turn from your sin, and you truly repent to him first, the person you hurt second, and you do your darnest to turn away from those sinful behaviors forever!

I see many churches adding burdens to the forgiveness that clearly aren't meant to be. It just makes things easier for them it seems, and forgetting tends to enable the sins to continue. If take the consequences away from the sinner do they truly learn? Some way, but most that are not repentive see this as a green light to continue. I mean where is the consequence for their actions? There isn't any! Trust is broken when the sin is always brought upon people, and trust and forgiveness are two different aspects. At times removed trust is the only safe option due to history. God may forget the sins, but we are NOT God!





Forgiveness is for YOU, and not the abuser in your life! Its for the heart change that God wishes us to have.

We are to forgive others because that is what God has asked us to do. The forgiveness is for US, and not for THEM! I think its because it would be easier to let go of the resentment, bitterness, etc. Things God doesn't wish us to hold on to.

The forgive and forget part? I don't buy that either. It enables people to continue to hurt you and others. We are to call out sin, and to stand against it. I think at times people ask you to forgive and forget because they don't know how to deal with it, and its easier to say that then to DEAL with it! If we are to just forgive and forget why would we need the verses in Matthew on how to confront people? lol kind of a counterdiction of either other!

God knows that some will not repent of their wrong doings towards others, but we can continue to pray for them - which God asks us to do. Again I think that helps us NOT hold on to the hurt, resentment, etc. That doesn't mean we would automatically trust the person. I see alot of people almost hint that if you don't trust the person - you haven't forgiven them fully. There are circumstances in which there are very sound reasons for not trusting them, and again I think its a way for people not wanting to get their hands dirty and deal with the uglies at times when they preach the if you have no trust you haven't forgiven!

A good restoration of a relationship starts with the party asking God first for forgiveness, asking for forgiveness towards the party they hurt...and turning away from that sin completely. Where it gets sticky is if they continue to do the sin that caused things, and all they keep doing is asking for forgiveness...and NOT doing any heart work! That's NOT genuine, and we have all seen people that do this. They truly have no drive towards change - they just want forgiveness. At that point they are NOT truly safe to be around. They are NOT a safe person, and yes trust isn't justified. That party sets themselves up for the consequences of that, and they have to learn to live with it also. I do agree that some will pressure you to keep letting go, but they aren't doing the sinner any favors by this guilt. People do learn by others allowing them to fall on their faces, and YES at times losing everything due to their sins.

We can forgive without trusting, and we do this so we don't' harbor feelings God doesn't wish us to harbor! We are NOT asked to forgive only after they other party repents...as I have also heard! lol think about how many don't? God wouldn't wish you to harbor things because it would just hinder your walk! People that demand forgiveness so they feel better about sinning against you don't grasp what forgiveness is about. Its not so they can feel better all the time - its so our heart stays where God can continue to mold us to me! Don't wait to forgive those that don't' wish to repent - that only hinders you!

lol I do agree that alot of advice at times does ask you to enable! I don't' quite understand it either at times. I think we grow when living the consequences at times. Humbling themselves is a good thing, and at times falling on our faces can spark that! If we keep forgiving and forgetting it doesn't always happen! We all need discernment when it comes to certain issues. At times you do forget because of the circumstances, and how they have turned from their sin. If they continue in the sin, and you are asked to forgive and forget on a constant basis I don't understand how people grow into better people if they are enabled to continue the sin, and how people seem to think this magical transformation is going to happen is pretty much insane to me. God allows consequences for a reason, and if we take those away..... I mean there are reasons consequences are there to begin with right? Do people seriously think everyone will learn without them? I know I have learned from consequences!

My thoughts on forgiveness!

Faith Based Domestic Violence Abuser Database

Because it matters posted a story about a domestic violence data base. I have to wonder what an uproar this is going to cause! I do think it is needed. What an awesome idea, and as

Alexis A. Moore mentioned it can be called "with a click of a mouse a life can be saved!"

I think that is true!

The weaker vessel's site states:

The name, "The Weaker Vessel", was derived from The Holy Bible, (I Peter Chapter 3 Verses 7-9) where The Word Of God explains how husbands and wives are to treat each other.

Verses 7,8 & 9 reads:

"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto The Weaker Vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous. Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing; but contrariwise blessings; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing."

The Word Of God refers to wives as, The Weaker Vessel. This by no means, suggests that we are subservient, and not equal in knowledge to men. It means that in most cases men are physically stronger than women and our husbands should honor their wives as such...

Disclaimer:

The purpose and records contained herein are not meant to slander but are derived from actual court documents. The sole intent of this web-site is to contribute to the Prevention of Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse of Women and Children Worldwide. All documents are a matter of Public Record.

Note: There are many persons who share like or similar names. In order to avoid misinterpretation of any public record, a concerned party should request a copy of the case file from the courts which will provide more identifying information. All criminal conviction records including orders of protection are public records which are compiled by the courts in each county state by state. Contact the county's court house directly to verify all information. If you have any further questions contact Weaker Vessel directly.

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing of Domestic Violence

I remember years ago I found something from rbc ministries about domestic violence within Christian Marriages. I believe I posted in on this blog as well. I will have to find it, and place a link here. It was a rather long article about domestic abuse within Christian marriages, and since it was part the of the beginning of my journey it was a sense of relief of finding at least SOMETHING that related to this issue of abuse.

Okay. I did find things here and there about domestic violence within the church on the web, but most of it showed me they clearly didn't understand the issue. I started this blog at a time that I was personally searching for answers, and when I found something of interest...I would quote the source, link it, and copy every word! I was afraid that they would change their mind, and remove it from their site. You will notice there wasn't to much of my opinion towards the beginning, because I was used to everyone asking me to HUSH!

I found another article on there recently, and the author mentioned video that the ministry put together. It does speak about domestic abuse, and how at times the violence within the home can be worse than the divorce. I realize divorce can be a hot button for people, but isn't their main focus. They were trying to make a point of NOT glossy over the impact of domestic violence.

Towards the beginning they mentioned this book below!



The author mentions on the video how domestic violence is more than just getting angry. How its not about anger at all. How its more about CONTROL! How men have abused their power, and how they use that power to create fear to control the wife and household. How they may not have HIT their wifes, but how they use fear to show, "you MESS with me at all and here is what I will do to you!" Threats, name calling, abuse of pets, tearing phones out of the wall, removing parts to the car so you can't drive, accusing you of cheating, etc.

They do an interview with a lady named, Julie Owens who comes from a family of Pastors. She married and quickly found that her husband had a different side of him. Her family suggested counseling, and he did go to counseling for a short period of time. The abuse got worse, and shortly after her baby was born she left. She came to her parents house one night after filing for divorce, and while getting the baby out of the car he came up from behind her and attacked her. Dragged her into the house, and told her he was going to wait for her father to return home. Her father did return, and he was ready for him! She tried to stop him, and her husband stabbed her in the stomach. He then CUT her father across the forehead - in which he received over 40 stitches during the struggle to defend himself.

That next Sunday he got up, and told the church what had been happening. How his son in law had attacked him. He opened the church up to the freedom of speaking of domestic abuse. The pastor then found out quickly how the counsel that most churches give for this issue is more hurtful than helpful.

The heart of God is to protect the vulerable.

How Jesus, Peter and others showed how you shouldn't have to take avoidable suffering.

They speak of the famous "God Hates Divorce" speech that everyone is familiar with! How they are taking part of the sentence, and not incorporating the story that this sentence was taken from. God does hate divorce, but he also hates the violence.

Children of abusive relationships have a hard time sleeping, and have a hard time concentrating at school at times. They know no one is safe. They don't know what safety in the home is.

Psalm 11 speaks about how God hates the violent person.

Proverbs 6 God lists things again, and one of those is how he hates one that lifts his hand to shed innocent blood.

The problem isn't the bible its the misuse of scripture. The misinterupation of scripture. God doesn't wish others to enable violence to continue. Separation at times places the ball in the abusers court to see the damage they are doing. It allows time for both parties to get healing and the help they need. I believe its doing the abuser a favor so they will look at themselves, and I pray they do get the help they need. People that discourage separation because they are afraid of divorce? They are the first to tell the abused to have enough faith to allow God to do his work, but yet their faith isn't strong enough to think it can be done within 4 walls of safety. To me that is very telling. They push faith upon broken people as a tool, but they are not willing to use that tool themselves. I have to ask...where is their faith?


Here is the first video about domestic violence presented by Rbc Ministries. It should work, but if it doesn't here is the direct link to the domestic abuse video for RBC Ministries.

Why Have You Forsaken Me?

Markham's Behavioral Health Linked to a sermon called "Why Have Your Forsaken Me? It deals with domestic violence within the church, and some of the myths and scripture that is used to NOT deal with it!

Verbal Abuse of Children Caught on Tape

To often I find that people do not understand verbal and emotional abuse. They tend to downplay it, and if you would JUST be nicer you could change the person.

Diversion off the verbally abusive person and its placed back ON the person that is enduring the abuse.

Below are two examples of children being verbally abused, and people are outraged for good reason.

I found that if is targeted towards a spouse they are asked, "What did you do to make them so mad?" Its not a matter of doing anything. Its a matter of dealing with an irrational person.

Please keep in mind both of these videos can be very triggering to people, so please keep that in mind.




I need to warn you before you view this video that it can be very triggering, and will be hard to watch. The child got to the point where he lashed back, and its a good example of the helplessness you feel when on the recieving end of verbal and emotional abuse. They feel they have no other options but to defend themselves.

It shows how the verbal and emotional abuse that is thrown at people can be constant, and they tend to come back at you will additional attacks.



Both of these examples are of children, and we should be outraged of their treatment. I pray that one day people will take this serious enough to realize that no one should have to put up with this. That includes adults within marriage.

Terri Rimmer wrote an article about, "How Being Verbally Abused as a Child Affects an Adult".

As children live with emotional and verbal abuse WHY is it that people get confused as to why that cycle continues into adulthood is beyond me. The world needs to take abuse in general a bit more serious, and stop making excuses for the abuser.

I see examples of people making excuses for abusive behavior alot, and until it stops or even slows down things will NOT get better!

What excuses have you seen for abuse?

Additional Resources:

Series of Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse you can Hear, Feel and See
This series of articles takes segments of the show Super Nanny in which one family was dealing with emotional and verbal abuse.
Hide Out - Site For Children
Hide Out is a site for the support of children.

What is Emotional Abuse actually?

I think most people have seen lists of behaviors from a number of different sources about emotional abuse, but what most don't grasp is that this is a pattern of behavior. Emotional abuse has a pattern of behavior!

PATTERN is the key element to this concept of emotional abuse, and just because someone is ugly one day doesn't make them abusive.

I think people tend to overuse the word 'emotional abuse' myself. ABUSE in general tends to be overused as well. Abuse is a 'PATTERN' of behavior not just being what the world calls a 'jerk' on occasion. Can't name a person on earth that hasn't been guilty of that!

Recently, I heard a pastor describe this very well. I will try to place it in a nutshell for you. He mentioned that week he had worked with a number of others at the church on a project he was responsible for. They didn't do something his way, and he got all bent out shape over it. Instead of handling it the way we are asked to he basically had a temper tantrum instead. His behavior was far from acceptable. He had one of those moments we have all had when we realize we opened our mouths, and placed our foot into it instead! "OH! I can't believe I just said that!" type of moments! He had to humble himself, and he had to go to the others and apologize and ask forgiveness. He truly repented of this. This wasn't normal behavior for him, and he was genuine about his asking for forgiveness, and repented of his bad behavior.

His behavior isn't called abusive because it isn't a pattern of behavior for him.

• If he had a pattern of blowing a gasket when people on projects didn't do things his way it could be different.



• If he apologized to people more to save face more then out of genuine repentance that would be completely different as well.



• If his apology was full of blame shifting, "I realize I was acting awful, but if you guys would have JUST done what I asked in the first place it may NOT have happened!" This is an example of NOT being very sorry!

I'm sure we have all experienced those types of 'apologies' in the past, and we also know they were NOT very geniune in nature.

Another thing people tend to get mixed up about is the fact that a person that can be emotional abusive can also be a nice, caring person at times.

Just because they happen to be a broken soul that acts sinfully towards others at times because of wrong habit patterns doesn't mean they can't also be nice at times. It also doesn't mean they can't be genuine with their repentance as well at times.

Some people that are emotionally abusive WILL apologize after a while, and some will never mutter a word! Some will say they will stop the behavior, but that normally happens when their world has fallen down around them. Remember a couple of things:

• If the pattern of behavior continues, and they don't do anything about it chances are they aren't all that genuine.



• If they seek out help, and then make excuses about how that can't continue is another sign.



• If they flat out deny things, and tell others they are basically blowing it out of proportion, being to sensitive, or claim that most people act like this another good sign.



• Complain they can't do this (help, accountability, etc) with others, because they don't wish others to know their personal business.



• Claim their partners behavior is just as bad, and when are they going to address their's also?



• Make excuses about how the therapist or counselor would be bias against them for all kinds of reasons.



• Claim they can't help it due to their past. ie: child abuse, etc.



• They claim its just a bad temper, and YOU know they don't MEAN IT!

People on the receiving end of emotional abuse (remember its a pattern) either tend to get defensive at times, or they start to doubt themselves. They can be upfront in their approach to this person about their hurt over the emotional abuse, and their partner will respond with either:

• Not allowing the person to finish their thought



• Twisting what they said to tell them what they really mean. Normally very extreme twisting at that!



• Mock or Ridicule them



• Tell them they are being HURT themselves by listening to a complaint from their partner



• Totally ignoring them or silent treatment



• Pouts or storms off



• Diverts the attention off themselves with statements like: "YOUR not perfect either!" "If you wouldn't do that I would have to act this way!" "I have to do this otherwise YOU won't listen!"

These are just a few. The end equation is that the person that is trying to get the point across about the HURT, or are attempting to explain themselves is brushed off in all kinds of ways.

I think people get this concept of emotional abuse confused by the fact that anyone can be a jerk on occasion. Anyone can call someone names, and anyone can come across as cold and unfeeling. What I tend to get confused about is that when there is a pattern there, and people are reaching out and people offer simplistic advice.

MAYBE you just need to be in a better MOOD most of the time!

Maybe they don't feel loved or respected, and THAT's way they are acting ugly!

People tend to place that burden of their pain right back on their plates. YOU can do something to make this stop in other words. LOOK at your actions, and maybe you are causing this. That's junk! That's excuses of people that don't want to get involved. Pattern show issues with the emotional abusive person that is causing the behavior in this case!

The key here is PATTERN! If your partner has a pattern of mocking, screaming, pushing you to your limit, etc..........THINK! People say we are responsible for our own actions all the time. Why is it when there is a pattern involved, and you mention this pattern they say YOU are responsible! YOU need to change so it doesn't happen. When you take your first step to realizing YOU aren't doing anything to make them blow their stacks... YOU are taking the first step towards doing something about it.

People are responsible for their own actions, and even if someone is 'pushing their buttons'.........that doesn't change. Don't allow others to tell you that is does.

You can find lists of behaviors on emotional abuse all over the internet, so I won't supply you that. I want to give you the key ingredent that most miss out on - and that is PATTERN! PATTERN is the key!

Husbands, God Hates Divorce… But He Also Hates…

Portion of an article written by: By Kevin McCarthy

What am I getting at? I have personally known men – professing Christian men – who have treated their wives shabbily by intimidating them, domineering them, belittling them, dealing deceitfully with them, ordering them around like slaves, who have seemed to think their wives were their captives because, “God hates divorce.” Yes, God hates divorce, but he also hates these men and what they do. They seem to think that because the Bible tells the wife to submit to her husband, that automatically makes the husband “Dictator for Life” with a mandate for iron-fisted command. They might have heard somewhere that the husband has certain responsibilities towards his wife, but they certainly don’t act as if they have any idea what those responsibilities are, and they fail to see how the husband’s responsibilities actually make him the wife’s servant!



This is written to these men, who proudly proclaim that divorce is not an option (at least for the beleaguered wife) because “God hates divorce”. Do you deal treacherously with the wife and companion of covenant whom God has joined to you? Do you draw the line at divorce, and yet treat your wife like a bond slave or servant? Do you yell at her? Abase her? Threaten her verbally or physically? Do you use God’s Word as a cudgel and beat her with such proclamations as, “The wife must be submissive! You have no choice but to do everything I tell you to do!”? Do you “lord it over your wife”? And when she cannot take the abuse, do you remind her that “God hates divorce!”? God hates what you are doing right now!




Divorce isn’t the only thing that God hates, but some self-righteous men are perfectly willing to practice one or many of these things against their wives so long as they can shackle the poor woman to themselves by means of God’s hatred of divorce. It’s good to be concerned about avoiding things that God hates, but hypocritical to take a stand for something that benefits you while ignoring other things that are equally hated by God, and practicing them on a daily basis. It is hypocritical, also, to insist that the wife kowtow submissively at her husband’s feet, while completely disregarding his God-ordained responsibility to love his wife. “I DO love her!” you insist, but you lack understanding. The Bible is specific regarding not only THAT you love her, but HOW you love her as well. A husband is directed to love his wife AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH!



Eph 5:24-33



25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.



Excuse me – HOW is the husband to love his wife? Like our Lord and Savior loves the Church! He is to sacrifice his own desires and needs (so-called) for his wife! He is to give his very life, if called-for, to protect his wife! He is to love her as Christ loves the Church, and do everything for her good rather than his own! He is to nourish and cherish her, at least as much as his own body. This is love, gentlemen! This is Agape love. It is the kind of love we should have for one another (Rom 13:8, Eph 4:2, 1 Thess 3:12, Heb 10:24, etc.). Agape love is the unique telltale of being a Christian (Jn 13:34); sacrificial love, here made especially poignant in the marriage relationship. And it is here connected with a mystery, and that mystery is in the fact that the Christian marriage is a reflection of the relationship Christ has with the Church. He is the bridegroom (Jn 3:29; Rev 18:23), and the Christian husband is to represent Him. The Church is the bride (Jn 3:29; Rev 18:23, 19:7), and the Christian wife is to represent the Church. Think about that, fellas, the next time you shout at your wife because dinner wasn’t ready on time or the laundry wasn’t done. Notice that the wife is not admonished to love the husband in this manner! She is submit and respect her husband, but the husband is to consider her more important than himself, to put her first, and to serve her through his love!



Have you heard this before? Do you know this, and yet refuse to (or claim you are unable to) obey your Lord? Are you sinning against your wife? Are you doing things that God hates, while hypocritically demanding submission and keeping her a prisoner by standing against divorce (God hates it!)? Divorce is not all God hates.



Here are some things that God says He hates, and yet many of these things occur in some “Christian” homes with regularity:



Prov 6:16-19



16 There are six things which the LORD hates,

Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him:

17 Haughty eyes, a lying tongue,

And hands that shed innocent blood,

18 A heart that devises wicked plans,

Feet that run rapidly to evil,

19 A false witness who utters lies,

And one who spreads strife among brothers.



1. Haughty eyes (The pride of position, lording it over another.)

2. A lying tongue

3. Hands that shed innocent blood

4. A heart that devises wicked plans

5. Feet that run rapidly to evil

6. A false witness

7. One who spreads strife among brothers



Ps 5:5



5 The boastful shall not stand before Thine eyes;

Thou dost hate all who do iniquity.



8. All who do iniquity (sin) – Notice, He hates the person, and not just the sin!



Zech 8:17



17'Also let none of you devise evil in your heart against another, and do not love perjury; for all these are what I hate,' declares the LORD. "



9. (Those) who devise evil (in their) heart against another

10. perjury



Mal 2:16



16 "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "



11. divorce

12. (wrongdoers)



Rev 2:6-7

6'Yet this you do have, that you hate the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.



13. the deeds of the Nicolaitans



[This one is especially interesting because it bears directly on our topic. “How?” you ask, “I looked it up and it’s talking about some ancient followers of some dude named Nicholas who was teaching stuff like Balaam.” That’s what you may find in many Bible dictionaries concerning the proper noun “Nicolaitans”, but the really interesting thing is that there is no need or warrant for the word to be a proper noun, transliterated from the Greek, rather than a compound word translated from the Greek. The translation would be something like conquerors of the people, or those who lord it over the people. In fact, if you abuse your headship within the home, if you “lord it over” your wife, give orders, treat her as a servant; if you do anything but lead by your example, with compassion, putting her first, YOU MAY BE A NICOLAITAN:





The word "Nicos" means "to elevate oneself above" and "Laos" means "the ordinary people" (the laity). Nicolaitans were people who elevated themselves above the ordinary people. In the book of Revelation (Ch.2:6,15) Jesus says that He despises this doctrine. (Pastor Boaz Gill - http://www.shaffaf.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=Publication&id=31)

The root of the word Nicolaitans comes from Greek nikao, to conquer or overcome, and laos, which means people and which the word laity comes from. The two words together especially means the destruction of the people and refers to the earliest form of what we call a priestly order or clergy which later on in church history divided people and allowed for leadership other than those led by the spirit of the risen Lord Jesus Christ. A good translation of Nicolaitan would be "those who prevail over the people." (http://latter-rain.com/eschae/nicola.htm)

The name, Nicolaitanes, is a compound word which is composed of three Greek words, and which, because of being a proper noun, is transferred [transliterated] instead of being translated into English. As thus transferred, it is subject to the laws of Greek construction in regard to ellipsis, contraction and phonetics.

The Greek words used in its construction are first: "Nikos," of which we use the English equivalents instead of the Greek letters, as we shall also of the other two. Nikos is defined as "a conquest; victory; triumph; the conquered; and by implication, dominancy over the defeated." Another transferred [transliterated] name in which this term is used is "Nicopolis," i.e., Niko - conquest; polis city. Hence, the city of conquest, or city of victory. Also "Andro" -- "nikos;" a man of conquest, of victory.

The second term used in the name under consideration is "laos," -- people, another use of which is Nicolas, which is transferred and is composed of Nikoslaos and means one who is "victorious over the people," the letter "s" being, in both words, the nominative case ending, which is retained only at the end of the word to denote the case, while "a" short and "o" short are contracted into "a" long.

Laodiceans

Also, a still further transferred use of "laos" is found in the name Lao(s)diceans, compounded with dike or dice as the Greek "k" is the equivalent English "c." Thus, in the name Laodiceans, we have laos -- "people" and dice judgment, or vengeance, i.e., the people of my judgment, or of my vengeance. Also the Greek word la(ic)os means "laymen," of which laos is the root and stem, which selfsame word, with the "o" short contracted to "i", to which root and stem the plural definite article ton is joined to form laiton -- is a Greek phrase meaning "the laity."

The third and last word entering into the construction of the proper name Nicolaitanes is ton, in which omega, the long "o", is contracted into long "a", thus making the word "tan" which is the genitive case plural in all the genders of the definite article the. Therefore, we have, without the legal Greek construction, the English hyphenated word Nickos-laoston, but which, with its lawful elisions and contractions, becomes the English name: Nicolaitanes, the full meaning of which, in its native tongue and in its ecclesiastical setting, is that the bishops and prelates of the Church have gained a triumphal victory or conquest over the laiton -- the laity -- until they have been compelled to submit to the arbitrary dominion of men who have become that thing which God hates: "Lords over God's heritage." (Written by: J. H. Allen (author of Judah's Sceptre and Joseph's Birthright)}

God HATES the ones who “lord it over” their brothers and sisters! How can a husband ever justify lording it over his believing wife? He is in the position of headship because that is the role God has ordained for him , but headship does not equate with autocracy. Christians are not supposed to lead in this way!



Luke 22:25-30



25 And He said to them, "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called 'Benefactors.' 26 But not so with you, but let him who is the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as the servant. 27 For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table, or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves. 28 And you are those who have stood by Me in My trials; 29 and just as My Father has granted Me a kingdom, I grant you 30 that you may eat and drink at My table in My kingdom, and you will sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.



We are to love our wives as Christ loves the Church. All around us in this secular world, the god of this world (Satan 2 Cor 4:4) has blinded men’s eyes to true leadership, and perverted what headship really means. If you want to be a Christian leader, or head of a Christian home, you will “become as the youngest, and the leader as the servant.” As you love your wife in the same way Christ loves the Church, she will stand with you in your trials, and it may be a stretch from the above reference, but it seems to me you should reward her by treating her like royalty.



We husbands are specifically directed to love our wives in the same way that Christ loves the church. Do that, fellows, and you will turn away much anger and win even a “shrew” as Shakespeare imagined her. We are directed specifically to treat our wives as a “WEAKER VESSEL”. This doesn’t mean belittling her, taunting or teasing her: “I’m stronger than you, you wimp!” No! What it means is that your wife is not a man! If, when you’re “out with the boys”, you punch each other in the arm, tell crude jokes at each other’s expense, and make fun of each other when you think someone’s acting like a dork, that’s one thing (and there are a few issues here as well, but we won’t get into that now.). The problem is that a lot of guys (“Christian” guys!) treat their wives that way! They don’t take into account that God says men and women are different! When He says that that we are to treat our wives as weaker vessels, the context itself tells us what that means. God wants us to deal with them gently, and in an understanding way, to grant her honor as an equal and fellow heir in Christ. Furthermore, it is clear that if we don’t treat our wives in this way, we cannot expect God to answer our prayers:





You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)



Numerous references can be cited showing that we are to defend and strengthen the weak, rather than tearing them down (Ps 82:4; 1 Thess. 5:14, etc.) Rather than putting our wives down, as I have personally heard many times from professing Christian men, we are to build her up as a fellow Christian (1 Thess 5:11), and show her honor:



honor NT:5092

time (tee-may'); from NT:5099; a value, i.e. money paid, or (concretely and collectively) valuables; by analogy, esteem (especially of the highest degree), or the dignity itself:

KJV - honour, precious, price, some.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



We are to esteem our wives! They are precious!



Many are the “deeds of the flesh” in a marriage. What do I mean? Just look at the list:



Gal 5:19-21



19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, 21 envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you just as I have forewarned you that those who practice such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.



In the world, marriage is the prime breeding ground for most of these things. Look at the list again if you think I’m wrong. Today’s marriages are rampant with these things, because the world has perverted marriage. Is that a surprise? If the Christian marriage is to reflect Christ and the Church, wouldn’t you expect it to be a target of the world, the flesh and the devil? Television and the movies promote immorality (KJV – Adultery), impurity and sensuality both outside and within marriage, and it is common for married men and women to be “on the prowl.” These are deeds of the flesh, and clearly sin, but so are the other items.



- enmity NT:2189 echthra (ekh'-thrah); feminine of NT:2190; hostility; by implication, a reason for opposition:

KJV - enmity, hatred.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



- strife NT:2054 eris (er'-is); of uncertain affinity; a quarrel, i.e. (by implication) wrangling:

KJV - contention, debate, strife, variance.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



- jealousy NT:2205 zelos (dzay'-los); from NT:2204; properly, heat, i.e. (figuratively) "zeal" (in a favorable sense, ardor; in an unfavorable one, jealousy, as of a husband [figuratively, of God], or an enemy, malice):

KJV - emulation, envy (-ing), fervent mind, indignation, jealousy, zeal.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



- outbursts of anger NT:2372

thumos (thoo-mos'); from NT:2380; passion (as if breathing hard):

KJV - fierceness, indignation, wrath. Compare NT:5590.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



- disputes NT:2052 eritheia

a courting distinction, a desire to put oneself forward, a partisan and factious spirit which does not disdain low arts; partisanship, factiousness: James 3:14,16

(from Thayer's Greek Lexicon, Electronic Database. Copyright (c) 2000 by Biblesoft)



- dissensions NT:1370 dichostsis (dee-khos-tas-ee'-ah); from a derivative of NT:1364 and NT:4714; disunion, i.e. (figuratively) dissension:

KJV - division, sedition.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



- factions NT:139 hairesis, haireseoos, hee;

1. act of taking, capture

2. choosing, choice,

3. that which is chosen, a chosen course of thought and action

4. a body of men separating themselves from others and following their own tenets (a sect or party)

5. dissensions arising from diversity of opinions and aims: Gal 5:20; 1 Cor 11:19.

(from Thayer's Greek Lexicon, Electronic Database. Copyright (c) 2000 by Biblesoft)



- envying NT:5355 phthonos (fthon'-os); probably akin to the base of NT:5351; ill-will (as detraction), i.e. jealousy (spite):

KJV - envy.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



- drunkenness NT:3178 methe (meth'-ay); apparently a primary word; an intoxicant, i.e. (by implication) intoxication:

KJV - drunkenness.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



- carousing NT:2970 komos (ko'-mos); from NT:2749; a carousal (as if letting loose):

KJV - revelling, rioting.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



This sounds almost like vignettes from a modern marriage, doesn’t it? Many elements of the above creep into supposedly Christian homes as well, and much to their detriment. Doesn’t it give you pause when the Word says about such things that, “I have forewarned you that those who practice such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”? Emphasis is due here: THOSE WHO PRACTICE SUCH THINGS WILL NOT INHERIT THE KINGDOM OF GOD! Yes, “practice” is in the present tense, a continuous action, and probably is referring to the unsaved, but then, if you’re continuously practicing such things, can you possibly be saved? “No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.” (1 John 3:9). The one who continually practices sin as a pattern of life is not born of God – is not saved. That person has a mere intellectual belief and is fooling himself. If, as a pattern of life, you treat your wife in this way, sinning against her continually, then you must question whether or not you are of the family of God at all.



The opposite of the deeds of the flesh is the fruit of the Spirit, gentlemen. These actions are the result of the indwelling Holy Spirit working within us, perfecting us (Phil 1:8):



Gal 5:22-24



22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.



This is how we should be acting, with our wives and our brothers and sisters in Christ. Those who belong to Him have crucified the flesh.



crucified NT:4717 stauroo (stow-ro'-o); from NT:4716; to impale on the cross; figuratively, to extinguish (subdue) passion or selfishness:

KJV - crucify.

(Biblesoft's New Exhaustive Strong's Numbers and Concordance with Expanded Greek-Hebrew Dictionary. Copyright (c) 1994, Biblesoft and International Bible Translators, Inc.)



Our flesh, our old nature is still there, but it has been subdued, and those who say they try to do the right thing with their wives, but cannot are either dead wrong or else dead in their trespasses and sins.



Yes, God hates divorce, but there are a lot of things that you can do while staying married that God will equally hate. By all means heed God’s Word regarding the dissolution of a marriage, but do not neglect His word in the living out of your marriage every day.

Hope From Ashes

Hopes From Ashes Wrote me a Note:

I’ve just started writing a blog that details my own survival from an abusive marriage...

I thought it would be helpful to others, and wanted to share!!

Burning Bed - Story of Domestic violence!

Burning Bed was a movie that started to wake people up when it came to matters of domestic violence. Its a story of a women that tried to escape many times, and was failed by the system, family and was left with no real support system.

Domestic violence or Domestic Abuse is more than hitting. I have heard to many times Pastors telling women that until he hits you you must not separate.

I have to wonder if people LOOK to the other factors of wife abuse, martial abuse in general. Men and Women alike get verbally and emotionally abused by partners, spouses and the effects are mininized. They are told to parrot scripture and pray more to help them deal with the effects. That may work for some people, but in alot of cases it sends people into deeper despair! They are given the excuse of almost NOT being cooperative if they can't find a way of getting over it.

They need to ask themselves if Jesus would tell the oppressed to JUST get over it! Love them more and show them respect .... and sit back and watch the miracles happen! Scripture speaks of helping the oppressed, and I'm sure God meant more than just using scripture and prayer as the only toolbox.

Children are effected living with this within their homes, and when you never feel safe how does that effect them as they grow into adults?

Submit to even abuse, because God will honor you!

I'm sickened by a moderator on a board coming to the women's forum to step in, and tell women to stay and pray. Truly sickened!

He starts with:

This is going to be one of those rare times when, as a leader on this board, a man is going to post in the ladies forum. But in this case I think it important because there are just some things being said in here that require it.

I asked this question of a lady that disagrees with me on this matter and I'll ask here as well.

Which do you figure more important in God's eyes. The relationship between a slave and master or a husband and wife? It seems an insane question doesn't it. But we know the answer because we know the importance of a covenant relationship and the weight God puts behind such relationship.

Let's forget all of the emotional and worldly logic here and let's see what the Bible has to say about stuff just like this. I know that the world is going to tell you all sorts of thing and I know if you are being abused in any fashion... those ways are going to sound like a relief. But are those ways biblical ways and if we are going to offer someone advice let's offer them honest biblical advice. On the Internet, you are going to get folks that come in and share their problems in marriage. The big problem here is that you are simply hearing only one side of the issue. Often times that is skewed, even unintentionally, by the person telling their problem. They are frustrated and at their wits end and it is easy to sort of stretch things a bit or leave some important information out. But that being said... biblical advice holds true at all times... regardless of anything else.


1 Peter 2:18 Household slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel.
19 For it brings favor if, because of conscience toward God, someone endures grief from suffering unjustly.
20 For what credit is there if you endure when you sin and are beaten? But when you do good and suffer, if you endure, it brings favor with God.
21 For you were called to this because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you should follow in His steps.
22 He did not commit sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth,
23 when reviled; He did not revile in return; When suffering, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to the One who judges justly.
24 He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that, having died to sins, we might live for righteousness; by His wounding you have been healed.
25 For you were like sheep going astray, but you have now returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls.


Now look... I know that folks are thinking, "HEY Ken! I am not a slave nor is my husband my master so this just isn't applicable!

That person was correct. When the scripture starts out talking about slaves, and then goes to wives – then husbands most would assume that they are addressing those parties separately. I mean either that or does all scripture apply to everyone – if so why all the talk about roles?

Scripture also mentioned something else about slaves: 1Co 7:21Were you a slave when you were called? That shouldn't bother you. However, if you have a chance to become free, take it.

Notice it doesn’t say to stay and take it there.

We all know there will be times of suffering, and there isn't going to be solutions to had! That is when you rely on God ONLY, and in other situations its okay to lean on others along with God. He is never out of the picture, but we must not downsize the value of fellowship! God handed us that great tool as well!

Now look... I know that folks are thinking, "HEY Ken! I am not a slave nor is my husband my master so this just isn't applicable!

Sure it is guys and this is IMPORTANT and it is BIBLICAL so please... listen to what Scripture teaches us here.

1 Peter 3:1 Wives, IN THE SAME WAY, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the Christian message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives.

I know that it is so easy to swallow much of the worldly advice that is given by the television shrinks and even folks within this thread. It sounds good to your flesh because your flesh is miserable in your marriage and this sounds like such a better way to do things. The problem... it isn't the biblical way to do things. Any woman... wanting to truly be a godly wife is going to be the woman that submits to her husband PERIOD. Even the ones that we like to label jerks and mean men. IF YOU ENDURE it then you will find favor with God. There is great reward for this even though here in the nasty now and now... it might not be such a pleasant time.

I have to wonder if moderator's on faith board like the (Thread was removed) Bible Forums and their moderator Ken realize the are enabling abusive behavior. Jesus's followers (besides Jesus himself) endured abuse for a purpose, and I have to wonder if enabling an abuser and what those people did he thinks is in the same realm??

Where does he find that if you 'endure' you will find favor is God? No where. It just makes me sick. That is what I called Spiritual or Religious abuse. Jesus came to take our burden, and not add to our load. Enduring abuse is just that. We endure things for a purpose, and because faith followers don't know what to do with abusers and don't want their divorce rates to go up anymore.........isn't purpose!

Personal Safety Device for Victims of Domestic Violence!

This is our TOOL FOR TUESDAY!


Stop the Abuse had an article recently on a device that could call the police in a moments notice if this is something that you need!

The poster has an offer at the end if you would like to check into the system for you and your family.

I've recently learned that there's a national company ( Phillips Lifeline -- 1-800-543-3546) that specializes in home alert systems. The systems are used primarily by people in frail health and who live alone, to call for medical help.

But what about calling for law enforcement help? It can be used for that also. I'm informed that many people in remote areas use it.

The equipment is basically a dialer that's installed on your phone. When you push the button (around your neck or in your pocket), the 24-hour trained professionals come on your speaker phone and ask what you need.

You only need to say, "Call the cops!" and they'll be on their way.

I have spoken with this company and they've sent me coupons to save up to $80.00 with free activation of the system.

Contact me through the 'email me' link at the upper left of this blog, and I'll send you one.

I'm sure we have all seen the commercials for this type of item for seniors that live alone, and it helps as an extra safety measure if they do need help.

The Website owner is the author of:

Baptism - His Excuse for Domestic Violence!

Shakesville had an article called, "Domestic Violence, Ownership of Women, and of course Jesus!"

Team Chairman Dan Rooney of the Steelers Football team had two of his players in trouble with the law for Domestic Abuse. Cedrick Wilson it seems got into a bit more trouble with the team after his arrest, but James Harrison it seems had a GOOD excuse!

Mr. Harrison according to a police affidavit, broke down a door, broke Ms. Tibbott's cell phone in half as she attempted to call 911, then slapped her face with an open hand, knocking off her glasses.

I almost fell off my chair when I read the 'justification' over this!

"What Jimmy Harrison was doing and how the incident occurred, what he was trying to do was really well worth it," he said of Mr. Harrison's initial intent with his son. "He was doing something that was good, wanted to take his son to get baptized where he lived and things like that. She said she didn't want to do it."

How about that! Its okay to act like that if you trying to get your child baptized, and mother disagrees! We will keep him on the team, because of the 'different set of circumstances' compared to his team mate.

After people started to critize his response he attempted to change it around a bit!

"To clarify the comments made earlier regarding the conduct of our players, in no way do we condone domestic violence of any kind," the statement read. "Each incident must be considered on a case-by-case basis.

WOW he made it so much better huh? Now we can look at the domestic violence done by the players on a case by case basis.

I guess they seemed to still think it was okay to act like that. I mean we all know there are cases out there that people get charged, and they have no business being charged with domestic abuse. This 'case' doesn't happen to be one of them! I'm sorry!

I'm outraged over this! If you wish to contact the Steelers to let them know about his 'case to case' opinion here is the contact information:

Perhaps you'd like to politely email (steelersfeedback@yahoo.com) the Steelers or call their administrative offices at 412.432.7800 to let them know that condoning domestic violence for any reason is not acceptable.


Pro Football Talk has a couple of links:

Steelers Clarify Rooney's Remarks

Women's Shelter wants Meeting with Steelers

It was mentioned that he (the football player) has admitted what he was done, and is currently accepting responsibility. To bad his team can't handle that.

Poem about wife abuse and her faith! Shattered Dreams!

I came across this poem about domestic violence in the faith realm, and I wanted to share it with people today. I think alot of people can very much relate to what the author is saying.

I read part of her story about domestic abuse last night, and I have to tell you I had to stop in a couple of places. It was very triggering for me. She speaks alot more of emotional abuse, verbal abuse than physical abuse. She stated:

Emotional abuse is the worst kind in my mind, because it's the hardest to see and prove. I remember seeing the movie, "The Burning Bed", with Farrah Fawcett. It was a true story of a woman who had been savagely abused by her husband until one day in desperation she set fire to the house as he lay passed out in a drunken stupor. After hearing her testimony, she was found not guilty, by reason of temporary insanity. I really related to that movie. Not that I ever thought of taking it that far, but I often thought it would come to that, one of us having to die before it would stop. Many times I wished he would just get it over with and kill me, just so the pain would finally end.

I feel Emotional Abuse is the most harmful type of abuse, other than life threatening physical abuse. It is the most likely to go undetected and unreported because the scars are hidden. It is much more socially acceptable to call names and manipulate than to hit someone, it's easier to get away with. I suffered primarily emotional abuse during our courtship, which is probably why I didn't leave him. It was hard to prove he was doing it, so it was hard to get any support. Pretty soon it became easier to just explain it away and enable it to continue. My abuser had complete control of my emotions and it affected my relationships with others and my decision making.

Here is her poem for today.

"SHATTERED PIECES"


There's nothing but shattered pieces
my china cup has paid the price
I spent too much at the store today
and his reaction wasn't nice

The kids complained and fussed
I could feel impending doom
He was tired and didn't care
now they're crying in their room

I cower and listen in numb despair
while his curses fill my ears
He's got my throat, I cannot breathe
my eyes well up with tears

"If only you didn't make me mad!"
I know that's what he'll say
I'd run and hide and take the kids
but I'd never get away

He's sitting there, his fire has died
pretending nothing fared
I stand and face him, cup in hand
I've never been so scared

"You see this cup?" I asked him
"So fragile and complete?"
I threw it down in one swift blow
and glass flew at his feet

He stared at me in disbelief
as I finally took a stand
"This cup is me, each broken piece,
I wish you'd understand!"

"Some of the pieces can be fixed
with patience and some glue,
but some of these are just too small
this cup will never be new."

"Each time you say a hateful word
each time you grab my arm,
My mind and heart are shattered
and you'll never undo the harm."

He told me I was crazy,
and I'd better clean up the mess
I guess the lesson here was lost
and so am I, I guess

I found the strength to leave one day
but it took too long to get free
A shattered cup is my reminder
of the life he took from me

The pain is still too real to me
even though he's not around
He still finds ways to hurt me
and throw me to the ground

My life is shattered pieces
but at least I can know this:
Someday God will fix my cup
but who will take care of his?

Angie Horvath 2000


Additional Poems:
You can't
What It Means To Be A Victim
A Chosen Vessel
Will You Love me To Death
Shattered Pieces
Recycled Rose
Saturday Night Special
Walls