Friday, August 22, 2008

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing of Domestic Violence

Posted by Hannah at 7:49 AM

I remember years ago I found something from rbc ministries about domestic violence within Christian Marriages. I believe I posted in on this blog as well. I will have to find it, and place a link here. It was a rather long article about domestic abuse within Christian marriages, and since it was part the of the beginning of my journey it was a sense of relief of finding at least SOMETHING that related to this issue of abuse.

Okay. I did find things here and there about domestic violence within the church on the web, but most of it showed me they clearly didn't understand the issue. I started this blog at a time that I was personally searching for answers, and when I found something of interest...I would quote the source, link it, and copy every word! I was afraid that they would change their mind, and remove it from their site. You will notice there wasn't to much of my opinion towards the beginning, because I was used to everyone asking me to HUSH!

I found another article on there recently, and the author mentioned video that the ministry put together. It does speak about domestic abuse, and how at times the violence within the home can be worse than the divorce. I realize divorce can be a hot button for people, but isn't their main focus. They were trying to make a point of NOT glossy over the impact of domestic violence.

Towards the beginning they mentioned this book below!

The author mentions on the video how domestic violence is more than just getting angry. How its not about anger at all. How its more about CONTROL! How men have abused their power, and how they use that power to create fear to control the wife and household. How they may not have HIT their wifes, but how they use fear to show, "you MESS with me at all and here is what I will do to you!" Threats, name calling, abuse of pets, tearing phones out of the wall, removing parts to the car so you can't drive, accusing you of cheating, etc.

They do an interview with a lady named, Julie Owens who comes from a family of Pastors. She married and quickly found that her husband had a different side of him. Her family suggested counseling, and he did go to counseling for a short period of time. The abuse got worse, and shortly after her baby was born she left. She came to her parents house one night after filing for divorce, and while getting the baby out of the car he came up from behind her and attacked her. Dragged her into the house, and told her he was going to wait for her father to return home. Her father did return, and he was ready for him! She tried to stop him, and her husband stabbed her in the stomach. He then CUT her father across the forehead - in which he received over 40 stitches during the struggle to defend himself.

That next Sunday he got up, and told the church what had been happening. How his son in law had attacked him. He opened the church up to the freedom of speaking of domestic abuse. The pastor then found out quickly how the counsel that most churches give for this issue is more hurtful than helpful.

The heart of God is to protect the vulerable.

How Jesus, Peter and others showed how you shouldn't have to take avoidable suffering.

They speak of the famous "God Hates Divorce" speech that everyone is familiar with! How they are taking part of the sentence, and not incorporating the story that this sentence was taken from. God does hate divorce, but he also hates the violence.

Children of abusive relationships have a hard time sleeping, and have a hard time concentrating at school at times. They know no one is safe. They don't know what safety in the home is.

Psalm 11 speaks about how God hates the violent person.

Proverbs 6 God lists things again, and one of those is how he hates one that lifts his hand to shed innocent blood.

The problem isn't the bible its the misuse of scripture. The misinterupation of scripture. God doesn't wish others to enable violence to continue. Separation at times places the ball in the abusers court to see the damage they are doing. It allows time for both parties to get healing and the help they need. I believe its doing the abuser a favor so they will look at themselves, and I pray they do get the help they need. People that discourage separation because they are afraid of divorce? They are the first to tell the abused to have enough faith to allow God to do his work, but yet their faith isn't strong enough to think it can be done within 4 walls of safety. To me that is very telling. They push faith upon broken people as a tool, but they are not willing to use that tool themselves. I have to ask...where is their faith?

Here is the first video about domestic violence presented by Rbc Ministries. It should work, but if it doesn't here is the direct link to the domestic abuse video for RBC Ministries.

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Mara Reid on 5:10 PM said...

Just watched the video.
Yep, it was good.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing this! I have heard all that from the church and I was kicked out when I filed for divorce. I was the one breaking up the Holy union. I just could not stand the abuse any longer. I needed to get the kids to safety before he killed me. Thanks again! You are a blessing!

Hannah on 2:11 PM said...

I'm sorry that happened to you anna. Its such a shame that people don't wish to deal with the real issue.

You are a blessing your children!

Hannah on 2:12 PM said...

Thank you Mara!

I thought it hit home!

Julie Owens on 9:11 AM said...

Hi,this is Julie Owens, whom you mentioned in this blog. Thanks for what you are doing to educate and inform folks!
Here are a few great resources about domestic violence and the church:
Peacea ANd Safety in the Christian Home
The RAVE (Religion And Violence) Project
Many blessings

Hannah on 2:08 PM said...

I agree Julie. We have those links in our blogroll! Good resources!

Thank you so much for visiting!

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