Grace to be shown towards others....

My thoughts go back to my namesake that my parents had so much respect for.  I was born on her birthday, and was given her name.  My Aunt Hannah was not a blood relative, but a childhood presence for my mother.  She was friend of my grandmother, and I remember fond memories of her myself.  Aunt Hannah it seemed was a person that knew how to show people just the right amount of grace towards others.

My mother grew up in a household with domestic violence.  Her parents were active in the Southern Baptist church, and were also very community minded people.  I remember as an adult after my grandfather passed away, and we had to get their home ready to be sold  - cleaning out that house was a HUGE job!  My grandfather had Alzheimer’s towards the end, and the state that they lived in at the time was very individualistic.  Everyone knew he was a danger to himself and to society’s at large at that point, but no one would remove him.  I remember my mother pleading for help from the church to work with her to get the state to remove both of them at the time.  They refused until it finally got to the point of loss of life did the church finally stepped up, and coerced the state into removing him.  They were powerful in that area, and why didn’t step up earlier is a story for another day.

My Aunt Hannah I get the impression was what we may coin today as her ‘secular’ friend.  I don’t know if she had a church of her own, but you don’t find her in the pictures of the activities at church that my mother grew up in.  You don’t see her listed as the names of the community outreach they participated in.  WELL, at least none that I have ever seen when looking over the family history.  She was a single lady, and a source of a huge amount of grace towards others.

HCPNRY2CFYYZ

Is my husband giving me the silent treatment?

I was on a faith board recently, and I read a note from wife.  It was short and sweet with not much information to go on.  She was wondering if what she was experiencing was the silent treatment from her spouse.  Here is a summary of what was said, but not word for word:

Communication is impossible for my Husband to have with me. It's been 12 years, and he has yet to have a conversation with me that is on any kind of adult level. He will not talk most of the time, even to our children. We went to therapy, and he literally could not give an answer to any question. The silence was deafening. Finally, after many visits I was told to lower my expectations, and I would not be disappointed anymore. I don't know how much more hurt I can handle. This is not healthy for my children and me. Does God want me to continue on letting him treat us this way?

When I think of the silent treatment it comes to a form of emotional abuse its normally a tool they use to hurt someone.  The silent treatment is a childish way of abusing a person, and in most cases I would tell you to just do life as if they were not in the room. (yes I have done that)  I realize that is easier said than done, and in some cases that does ignore the fear factor.  In other words, you are waiting for the bomb to drop.  You tend to walk on eggshells during this period, and its one of the most hurtful and scary things.  You just know when they finally DO SPEAK all hell will break loose.

There is one thing that I have noticed with human nature within the Christian realm especially, and that is to assume that the woman is just expecting to much.  There were statements like, "Are you sure he literally isn't saying word?"  Opinions of how he could be he is just a quiet person, and you just don't want to look for those non verbal clues. 

Interesting Domestic Violence Links for the Week

I put together a couple of interesting links about domestic violence within the church, biblical roles of women, found a amazing public service announcement for violence within the home, and also an author's message on steps to healing.  I hope you enjoy the lists of link.

Annulment catholic church and Domestic Violence

I came across an article called, 'A new theology of divorce'. Mike Sweitzer-Beckman is the author, and he was speaking about he was one of the statistics when it comes to children of divorce.  He isn't one of those that seemed all that harmed by it as he speaks of his parents, and later their new marriages and his new step siblings.

He spoke of a number of different circumstances of annulment that people he knew from the Catholic church had gone though personally.  I'm not Catholic myself, but I have heard about the process a number of times from people I know.  I wanted to point this article out, because it seems one of my most popular articles on this blog from the past was Marriage Annulment Grounds in the Catholic Church. 

5 reasons domestic violence isn't addressed in church

Houston's Praise 92.1 Radio had an article by Noelle Sewell regarding the top 5 reasons the church doesn't address domestic abuse.

Should we try to add to the list or do you think the list is fine the way it is?

Number one reason is the pastor himself could be the abuser

They themselves maybe or have been perpetrators of domestic violence (Yes I went there). There are pastors who are perpetrators and their deacons, elders and ministry leaders know it but they are afraid to call them on it. Often times the church leaders don’t want to appear to be attacking the pastor, cause disruption in the congregation, being shunned by other members, being removed from their ministry position, being asked to leave the church. Now you should make sure that there is abuse before approaching the pastor. Pray about if you have any doubts because once you make the accusation and it not true it will be difficult to restore the person’s reputation. If you witness it you need to address it with the leadership so both parties involved can be offered assistance. Be prepared to be osterized or removed from a position and/or asked to leave the church if the leadership is not ready to address the issue with the pastor.

When people don't know what to do? They do nothing!

I have been reading about the interview with Rihanna that Good Morning America did with Diane Sawyer. I haven't seen the interview, but from what I have taken from clips and quotes? She speaks very well of a dynamic of domestic violence that most people hear about, but you don't truly see represented within the church.  Nor do most people even recognize as part of the dynamics of the relationship even within the secular world.

Rihanna also dealt deftly with the elephant in the room: why she initially went back to Brown after the beating.

"It's pretty natural for that to be the first reaction . . . to go back and start lying to yourself," she told Sawyer. Her love for Brown certainly factored in. "I fell in love with that person . . . so far in love, so unconditional, that I went back." When Sawyer said abused women go back, on average, seven times before they leave, Rihanna corrected her, saying it was typically eight or nine times.

Chances are when women go to their pastors or the church they have already done the 'go back home and submit harder'. Matter of fact they have done the 'hit and hug' dance many times in different ways. Most people think when I say HIT its physical, but anyone that has been in an abusive relationship (man, woman or child) knows the controlling behavior, emotional abuse, and verbal abuse were very heavy smacks as well.

Stop Wounding Me With Your Mouth

I came across an article in The Herald out of Ohio.

Program targets domestic violence  Women receive advice, support

By Patrick Cooley
Herald Staff Writer

SHARON —

A dozen women watched as images of women, abused and beaten by their husbands and boyfriends, came across a computer screen at the center of New Life Covenant Church in Sharon on Saturday morning.

Many said the images were hard to watch, and a few were brought to tears.

“Looking at those videos, it brought back a lot of memories,” said Laura, a Farrell woman who asked that her last name not be used. “It was hard to watch, but I think it was something that I needed (to watch).”

Laura, who was a victim of an abusive relationship for five years and stays at the ARC House in Farrell, was among those attending “Stop Wounding Me With Your Mouth,” a program that dealt with domestic abuse, specifically how verbal abuse can be hurtful and escalate into physical abuse.

Each of several speakers urged women to remove themselves from abusive relationships and to reach out to the victims to let them know there are resources to help them.

“I need you to be muscular Christians,” said Lizette Olsen, the director of AWARE, a domestic violence advocacy agency.

She said a survey by the Mercer County court system in 2009 showed that more than 4,800 families in the county had been affected by domestic violence.

“You might ask, ‘Why don’t some of these women just leave?’ ” Ms. Olsen said. “For some of them, this is all they’ve ever known.”

She said that many women come from a culture where they are told this is acceptable behavior, and where they are repeatedly told to keep family matters within the family.

“Shame is a powerful motivator,” Ms. Olsen said.

She also spoke about systematic ways women are degraded.

“It’s not just the under-educated,” Ms. Olsen said. “I’ve had women who are doctors, lawyers and pharmacists who don’t know how much money they make because whenever they get money, they have to hand it over to their husbands, because he tells them they’re a woman and too stupid to handle money.

“One of the most empowering things we can do is take them to the bank to start their own checking or savings account,” she said. “Some of the women are shaking because they’re so scared, they think their husband might know they’re there.”

Ms. Olsen said many men will use the threat of violence as a method of control over their spouses and girlfriends.

Another speaker was Malinda Gavins, who is on the board of directors of the Ohio Domestic Violence Network and State Coalition for Domestic Violence Programs.

When you talk to a domestic violence victim they will tell you they heal from (physical wounds) much more easily than the emotional wounds,” she said. “Those are the wounds the courts don’t want to deal with.”

Ms. Gavins said the youngest victim she’s seen was a teenager whose mother sold her into marriage, and the oldest victim she’s seen was an 82-year-old woman.

“She said the first time her husband beat her, she called her mother and her mother said, ‘Welcome to marriage,’ ” Ms. Gavins said.

She said that making degrading statements about women is something that has become commonplace in the culture and especially in genres of music, and urged parents to talk to their children, boys and girls, at an early age.

“They’re already hearing the music,” Ms. Gavins said.

The Rev. Patricia Tatum, pastor of New Life Covenant, said it is part of the church’s mission to reach out to victims of domestic violence. She said the church will be having classes for victims and anyone interested in attending should call 724-494-8735.

Emotional Abuse and Your Faith has a NEW look!

The last couple of weeks I have been working on this new template for Emotional Abuse and Your Faith.

I would like to thank My Blogger Tricks.com for their help, and wonderful skill to help fellow bloggers with their own blogs.

I have been posting alot of lists lately, and I was basically starting new references for my home page.  I believe I'm pretty much done with that for now.  I just have a couple of pages left, and I SHOULD be done!.

I would love to hear what you think!

YOU can only change YOURSELF, but is that what they are really saying?

IBelieve.com or some people use crosswalk.com recently had one of their Administrator's post an article in the marriage section.  The article was called, "Domestic Violence within the Church: The Ugly Truth".  The article speaks of what most Christians would feel is a myth about domestic violence within the church walls.

A portion of the article read:

George sites a survey in which nearly 6,000 pastors were asked how they would counsel women who came to them for help with domestic violence. Twenty-six percent would counsel them the same way Marleen's pastor did: to continue to "submit" to her husband, no matter what. Twenty-five percent told wives the abuse was their own fault—for failing to submit in the first place. Astonishingly, 50 percent said women should be willing to "tolerate some level of violence" because it is better than divorce.

To say that some were stunned by the results is understatement.  I can't blame them, because to be honest I would have felt the same way years ago.  If I had NOT experienced this myself I doubt very much I would have believed such a statement.  If you think about it WHERE is the common sense behind the advice that so many pastors do indeed give?

Abuse, Faith, Divorce and the media!

I enjoy reading other blogs, and one of those is Adventure in Mercy. Molly has a wonderful writing style, and gets to the heart the matter in very moving ways.

Last night I went to her site again, and she mentioned that No Longer Quivering is having a Carnival from Nov. 1-4th. This just happens to be another blog I like to read from time to time as well!

The news was pretty exciting!

Beginning Sunday evening, Nov. 1st until we collapse sometime before midnight on Thursday the 5th ~ we’re creating a party-like atmosphere which includes fun & games ~ and even some cool prizes!

Just as soon as we published the dates for our carnival, I got a call asking me to appear on the Joy Behar Show ~ on Tuesday, Nov. 3.

Faith Based Presentations based on Domestic Violence

Faith Based Presentations based on Domestic Violence

United Methodist Domestic Violence Education Video

United Methodist Domestic Violence Education Video - MPEG Link

Interesting Comments on Forgiving

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing of Domestic Violence ..Direct Video Link at bottom

When Apologies are Dangerous - link at Bottom of post

Forgiveness - What is it?

Detours: Domestic Violence Sermon

Taking a Break From Words Sermon

Abuse you can see and hear

Examples of Abuse, Definitions of Abuse

 Examples
Without Remorse
Verbal Abuse of Children Caught on Tape
Series of Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse you hear, feel, and see  Super Nanny
Do you realize what your words can do?
Definitions
Children of Uxoricide - when one parent kills the other
Emotional Abuse
Good information about emotional Abuse
Patrica Evans Verbal Abuse Board
Information on PTSD

Teen Abuse - covers both genders

Shows and Movies for Abuse Support

Shows and Movies


SHOWS

Victim of Emotional Abuse Speaks out on the TODAY show. approx 9 minutes
Toxic Relationships on Today Show. approx 8 minutes
Toxic Relationships on Today Show PT II. approx 9 minutes
Hidden Victims of Domestic Voilence (Discovery Education Channel) 35 min.
Robin Givens Talks about Faith and Domestic Violence
Sacred Silence (Discovery Education Channel) 25 min.
20/20 Segment on domestic abuse
Series of Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse you hear, feel, and see  Super NannyChild Abuse: Family Matters (Discovery Education Channel) 25 min.

MOVIES

Breaking the Silence - Children's Stories of Domestic Violence

The Color Purple

What's Love Got To Do With It

Gospel of John Day 1

Gospel of John - Day 2

Gospel of John - Day 3

Facing the Giants

Cry for Help - The Tracy Thurman Story

Music

Music Links

Adrenaline Big House

Chris Tomlin - Indescribable

Newsboys - He Reigns

Chris Tomlin - Amazing Grace

Mariah Carey - Side Effects

American Idol - Shout to the Lord

Cry Out To Jesus

Held

How Far is Heaven

Jesus Loves You Whitney Houston

Kelly Clarkson - Because of you

Kirk Franklin - Imagine Me

Mariah Carey - Side Effects with Lyrics

Newsboys - He Reigns

Toni Childs - I've got to go now

Taylor Swift - Tell Me Why!

Taylor Swift - Mean

Blogs and Websites for Abuse

Blogs and Websites

Because It Matters

Sanctuary for the Abused

Submission Tyranny in Church and Society

Adventures in Mercy

Quivering Daugthers

Woman Submit

Not Under Bondage

Battered Husband Support

Husband Abuse Blog

What about when Mom's the Abuser

Heart 2 Heart For Battered Men

Hotline For Men

Men's Advice Line - Scotland - For Victims

Under Much Grace

Possible sources for help for emotional abuse

Possible sources of other types of help

Safety Plans - Always good to look at more than one!

Sanctuary for the Abused - Separation Safety Plan

Abigails Safety Plan - .pdf file

Focus Ministries Safety Plan - .pdf file

Abuse Devotionals, writing, Poems by: Jacky Hughes

ARIN WHOIS Database Search - look up IP addresses

Emotional Abuse
Good information about emotional Abuse

NCADV

Freecycle - Helpful resource if looking for free household items

Legal Decisions Article

Patrica Evans Verbal Abuse Board

Information on PTSD

The Weaker Vessel - Abuser Database

Read Notify - tells you IP address and location of person sent it, etc.

Stalking Help Resource

Free Hugs - Makes you feel better!

Under Much Grace
Spiritual Abuse, Cults

G.R.A.C.E. (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment) Sexual abuse and molestion

RAINN Rape Abuse and Incest Network

Faith Based Domestic Violence Organizations

Faith Based Domestic Violence Organizations

Broken People

Christian Coalition Against Domestic Violence

Dorcas Network

Faith Trust Institute

Focus Ministries

JSafe or Jewish Institute

PASCH - Peace and Safety

Rave - Religion and Violence eLearning

Keep in mind if you know of other organizations...let notify me so I can possibly add them to the list!

Hannah's Socks - What a Blessing!

What a cute child isn't she?  This is little Hannah of Hannah's socks!

Hannah was a small girl and while helping her mother volunteer at a shelter one day noticed a man with torn shoes, and no socks at all.  She asked her mother if it was okay to give her socks to the man.

From the mouths of babes Hannah's Socks organization was started!

2009 Sock Count

Collected: 50,000 pairs
Our Goal: 60,000 pairs

That is the count so far for the year, and this organization would love your help!  They donate the socks to homeless shelters, and also domestic violence shelters as well.  Such a small thing that most of us don't think about as we take for granted our pairs of socks.

Volunteering at homeless shelters and organizations like this can be a very life changing experience for anyone.  I used to go with my parents as a child as well.  My father and I would take his plants that were overgrown, and repot them into smaller containers to bring with us when we go and volunteer.  Dad had a green thumb as the saying goes, and goodness we would get alot of smaller plants from one HUGE one that he had babied all year.  Lets just say our car was overloaded, and needed to be vacuumed each time when we got home! (giggles)

Giving back to the community will not only make your heart feel warm, but it does make a huge impact on others.  I was raised with that in mind, and have been doing so most of my life.  I encourage everyone to get involved even in a small way within your community, and maybe ask Hannah how to start your how "Hannah's Socks' in your area!

Help Hannah's Socks organization meet their goal!  They only have 10,000 pairs of socks left!  Hannahs's socks - What a blessing to many!

Recommended Reading For Emotional Abuse

Book Recommendations - If you have suggestions please share!





Behind The Hedge

Written by Waneta Dawn
Google Preview of Behind the Hedge
Waneta's Blog Submission Tyranny, in Church and Society

Book Description:
Yearning for a warm and loving marriage, Yvette works hard as a housewife and on their Iowa dairy farm to satisfy her husband, Luke, and tries to motivate him to be a loving and caring husband and father. But hidden behind his charming public facade, Luke is critical and demands more submission. With the help of her friend, Delores, Yvette grapples with the meaning and application of Biblical submission to her husband, changes how she relates to her husband, and endeavors to correct the misbeliefs of their teenaged sons, Greg and Kyle. Luke indoctrinates his wife and children on the meaning of submission and obedience. But one day he goes too far. Will their marriage survive the storm? Will Luke become the warm and loving husband Yvette craves? Will their daughter, Tanya, learn to trust her father?



Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand UP!

Written by Susan Greenfield
Google Preview of Would the Real Church PLEASE stand UP!
Susan Greenfield's Would the Real Church PLEASE stand UP! Blog

Book Description:
You will be challenged to Be the Real Church and Stand Up as you read this up close and personal account of living in an abusive environment. We can never know exactly what goes on behind the closed doors of other people's homes, but after reading Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand Up!, you will be more equipped to minister to victims of domestic violence. Maybe the victim is a neighbor, a co-worker, or a bank teller. Maybe the victim is your minister's wife. If you are in an abusive relationship, you will be encouraged and enlightened. Susan Greenfield is currently a divorced mother of two children. She works a secular job but is most passionate about ministering to battered women and educating people within the church about domestic violence.




Woman Submit!

Written by Jocelyn Andersen

Woman Submit Blog

Book Description:
The evangelical Christian woman whose spirit is being crushed and life possibly endangered by domestic violence is faced with a unique burden. She needs straight answers-not unrealistic expectations or clichéd, stereotypical platitudes. In the book Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence, by Jocelyn Andersen, she will get straight answers, clear scriptural direction, and some tough challenges from one who has been there but is there no longer.

Jocelyn's Newest book



Woman this is WAR! Gender, Slavery & the Evangelical Caste System


"Woman this is WAR...," Examines arguments traditionally used to keep men and women enslaved in illegitimate bondage based on sex, and just as the Bible did not condone the sin of slavery based on skin color, it also does not condone a slavery-like caste system based on gender. Jesus said we would know the truth and the truth would set us free. Andersen challenges Christian men and women to embrace and appreciate God-given gender distinctions without giving place to haughty spirits of superiority, degrading feelings of inferiority, hatred, prejudice, fear of one another's differences, or the sinful need to either be in charge or to submit in an idolatrous manner.





Not Under Bondage

Written by Barbara Roberts
Google Preview of Browse Not Under Bondage

Book Description:
The bible's teaching on divorce and remarriage has been interpreted in many ways. This poses a problem for the Christian community. When is divorce biblically permissible and when is it forbidden? And is remarriage ever permissible for a divorced Christian? The problem is particularly intense for Christian victims of marital abuse, who often believe they must choose between two unpleasant alternatives: endure abuse, or face condemnation by God and his church for disobeying the bible. Not Under Bondage, written by a survivor of domestic abuse, - explains the scriptural dilemmas of abuse victims - carefully examines the scriptures and scholarly research - shows how the bible sets victims of abuse free from bondage and guilt.




Breaking The Silence


Written By Anne O. Weatherholt Google Preview of Breaking the Silence: The Church Responds to Domestic Violence

Book Description:   



A handbook about domestic violence from a spiritual perspective, and the only one of its kind, Breaking the Silence contains important, action-oriented information about domestic violence and its pervasiveness in society. Sections include “myths” about domestic violence; a checklist to determine if a relationship is potentially violent; clergy resources for counseling, worship, and congregational outreach; rape; information for youth; and pages that can be customized with local and national contact numbers, e-mail addresses, and websites. Also includes questions for discussion and suggestions for using the book for training or as a youth and adult education tool.

This resource is limited to adult abuse, as the subject of child abuse is highly specialized and often includes many more laws and involvement from local agencies that will vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

We Suffered In Silence


Virginia and Robert Coombs have released “We Suffered in Silence,” which includes the courageous true story penned by deceased author Velva B. Holt, Virginia’s mother, about the devastating abuse she suffered while she was a pastor’s wife and the refusal of Church leaders to acknowledge the problem.

Book Description:
Dick had Good looks and Charisma. How could his parishioners know, or believe, that behind the Parsonage door, their beloved Pastor hid the Ugly Secret - of "deception." His 'emotional battering' stripped his wife, Carol, of her Self-Worth, Identity and Respect. His family "Suffered in Silence" while hiding, ever Darkening Spots, on his "Clerical Collar." Even Dick's Employer refused to believe the pleadings of his wife. * Are You a Pastor's Wife-hiding your shame of abuse behind makeup and an artificial smile? * Does Your 'Christian' Husband-use the Bible to Batter you into believing that you are a failure as a Christian and a wife? Religious Leaders MUST address the Explosion of domestic violence that hides behind the 'protected' doors of the Parsonage and the Christian home. The Church has been Silent and in Denial too long. Robert Coombs MA, In his Chapter, "The Blameless Man?" suggests ways in which Pastors and Christian Men can avoid stress, addictive behaviors and keep from falling into the 'Woman Trap.' He also recommends that the Church and Religious Organizations require accountability for their members and employees who are physically and emotionally abusive. Mable Dunbar, Ph.D., in her Chapter, "The Power of Emotional Healing" shows that "A Broken Woman or Man CAN be Repaired!" You don't need to "Suffer In Silence" anymore. By reading this book you can take the first step to Breaking the Silence. No more hiding; No more shame. You are "PRICELESS-NOT WORTHLESS" "For God has not given you the spirit of fear, but of Power, of Love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 Velva B. Holt - As a pastor's wife, she was involved in Women's Ministry, and was an accomplished pianist and music teacher. As an author, she had over 200 Christian Articles and poems published.

Violence Among Us


Written by Paula Silva and Brenda Branson


Book Description:
This book offers practical help in identifying abusive situations. It has strategic counseling tips, case studies and models of effective ministry to both the victim and the perpetrator. There are resource lists which include domestic violence hotlines and shelters, faith-based organizations, abuser treatment programs, and information on legal and safety issues.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Written by Patricia Evans
Google Preview of The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Book Description:

Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse? If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. Highly Recommended.

Why Does He Do That?  Inside the minds of Angry and Controlling People
Written By Lundy Bancroft
Google Preview of Why Does He Do That?

Book Description:

Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:

• The early warning signs
• Nine abusive personality types
• How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
• The role of drugs and alcohol
• What can be fixed, and what can't
• How to leave a relationship safely

The Battered Wife:  How Christians Confront Family Violence


Written by Nancy Nason Clark
Google Preview of The Battered Wife:  How Christians Confront Family Violence

Book Description:

The authors sociological research reveals how churches and secular organization have responded--sometimes with assistance, sometimes not--to victims of violence in their midst and how their response could be more effective. By exploring the relationship between violence and Christians' response to it from various perspectives--those of victim, clergy, congregation--this book ultimately encourages a pastoral assistance that reduces violence in the world and helps victims find the inner strength to leave their gardens.

Refuge from Abuse: Healing and Hope for Abused Christian Women


Written by Nancy Nason Clark and Catherine Clark Kroeger
 Google Preview of Refuge From Abuse:  Healing and Hope for the Abused Christian Woman

Book Description:

Nancy-Nason Clark and Catherine Clark Kroeger know the pain of women who have been abused, especially the unique pain of Christian women who thought it couldn't happen to them. In this straightforward, practical book they supply the answers to the questions you face:
How do I know I need help? How much of my story should I tell? What help can I find in the community? What key steps will I need to take to get on with my life? How can I understand what help my abuser needs? How do I learn to trust God again?

"We believe the Bible’s message is clear: God speaks out against violence. Peace and safety are the biblical building blocks for family living. When there is no peace or safety, a relationship is not healthy. The journey toward hope, healing and wholeness will be long and hard. . . . [But] on this path, victims are transformed into survivors. We invite you to begin the journey."

When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
Written by Lundy Bancroft
Book Description:
Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother?

Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Here, a counselor reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children-and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.

This book, the first ever of its kind, shows mothers how to:

- Protect children and help them heal emotionally
- Provide love, support, and positive role models, even in the midst of abuse
- Increase their chances of winning custody
- Help their kids feel good about themselves

Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse

Written By:  Paul Hegstrom

Book Description:
Domestic abuse knows no boundaries. Despite a dramatic increase in public awareness, it defiantly rears its ugly head, both physically and emotionally, in the homes of the rich as well as the poor, newlyweds as well as long-married couples, Christians as well as non-Christians.

Paul Hegstrom should know. From the earliest years of his marriage, he handled his problems and frustrations the only way he knew how: with fists and fury. Talking about the problem only intensified his rage. Going into the Christian ministry didn't help either, the guilt merely magnified his despair. Facing a charge of attempted murder and a prison term, Hegstrom got the wake-up call he needed. With professional help and an intense struggle with spiritual issues, he began the lengthy process of healing and recovery.

Through a fascinating, yet thorough examination of the psychological components of various types of abuse, along with true examples from his own life and others, Hegstrom points the way back to wholeness and freedom. An invaluable aid for the man who batters, the woman who feels trapped, and the pastor, counselor, or friend who desperately want to help them both, Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them offers straight answers for those willing to overcome the cycle of violence.



Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder


Written By: Billy Eddy and Randi Kreger

Book Description: Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse
Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better-many of these "persuasive blamers" leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way.

Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse.