Friday, November 28, 2008

Misogyny seems to be a part of the shootings

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:55 AM

This a picture of the victims of the shooting from NewJersey.com In Order, Reshma James - Dennis John Mallosseril - Silvy Perincheril






NYdaily's photo of suspect

Phillyburbs stated:
Reshma James had taken out a restraining order against her estranged husband, Avigliano said.

"She found out he wasn't all he was cut out to be," Avigliano said. "He was abusive toward her, and she left him and came out here."

The couple were married just over a year ago in India and moved to Sacramento in January.

Reshma's aunt, Maria Joseph, of Hartford, Conn., said she warned her niece, who was studying to become a nurse, not to marry him. Other relatives told her the man had a history of "behavioral problems," Joseph said.



Telegraphindia mentioned:
“I do not know whether the possessiveness was born of genuine love or an irrational suspicion about her. He did not like her meeting people and preferred her to be indoors all the time,” said James Kochuparampil, Reshma’s maternal uncle.

The couple had together arrived in Kerala three months ago, apparently to try and save the marriage which was falling apart because Pallipurath, 27, allegedly tortured his 24-year-old wife. But Reshma’s relatives here said they never guessed the marriage was on the rocks.

By then, however, the family had already received tidbits of information about Pallipurath’s wayward behaviour, for instance that “he was on drugs”. Still, they let Reshma go back to the US because she had relatives in America she could turn to for help anytime.


The couple, however, separated after returning to the US, the husband going to his home in Sacramento, California, and the wife taking refuge with her aunt Silvy Perincheril, 47, in New Jersey. Perincheril, a nurse, was by Reshma’s side in the church and was shot and critically injured by Pallipurath.

Reshma had graduated in nursing from Chennai and was completing formalities for enrolment as a registered nurse in the US. She had to start working soon to ensure a decent life for her family back home.



worldnewsaustralia wrote:
James had taken out a restraining order against Pallipurath, prosecutors said.

In California, the suspect's father had called on him to surrender, as did relatives of one of the victims in New Jersey.

All three victims were shot once in the head and didn't regain consciousness, depriving investigators of the opportunity to interview them.




sepiamutiny has breakdowns of the events.

Someone had sent a list to me that I wanted to share about situations like this. Domestic violence was must certainly an huge issue within their relatonship. There is alot of talk about what a Misogynist is, and I had found a list I wanted to share with everyone. I found it on VNN Editorial

Characteristics Of A Misogynist


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BY MAHANIDHI DASA

EDITORIAL, Dec 4 (VNN) — The Twenty-six Characteristics of a Misogynist (one who hates women)
presented by Mahanidhi dasa

1. He thinks that his masculinity depends on dominating women.
2. He feels powerful by subjugating women.
3. His emotional security depends on women being controlled.
4. He wants to insure that women are less powerful than he.
5. He controls women by destroying their self-confidence.
6. He is unnecessarily critical of women.
7. He intimidates women by finding faults with them.
8. He humiliates women in public and devalues their opinions.
9. He sees encounters with or about women as a battle to be won.
10. He must always win in a discussion with or about women.
11. He blames women for failings that are not related to them.
12. He blames women for his own failings and shortcomings.
13. He accuses women of being too sensitive if they get upset with him.
14. He will confuse issues by changing the subject.
15. He will confuse issues by denial or word jugglery.
16. He will confuse issues by acting as if nothing happened after it did.
17. He belittles or ignores women s accomplishments.
18. He denies her feelings and makes her wrong for feeling them.
19. He is condescending, taunting, jeering, or angry toward her.
20. He is hostile, aggressive, contemptuous, or cruel to her.
21. He makes derogatory comments about women in general.
22. He wants to punish women when they displease him.
23. He has no remorse or guilt for the pain he causes women.
24. He is in anxiety about women and meditates on them.
25. He forces women not to do things that they re qualified to do.
26. He selectively quotes authorities to substantiate his position.

Misogyny is a mental disorder that requires therapy. If someone you know has some or all of the above symptoms, humbly request that person to find qualified treatment for their condition.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Domestic Violence? Church Leadership show perfect example of how they don't have a clue what it is!

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 2:29 PM

The Church Leader Gazette wrote an article about domestic violence, and some of it maybe comment sense, but the rest of it is nonsense!

Men are definitely at fault in most cases of domestic violence. As we
learned in elementary school, boys should not hit girls–a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances. But contrary to popular belief, women are oftentimes at fault by provoking the man. Some women provoke a negative response from their husbands inadvertently, because they do not know how to deal with a man probably because they never had a father in the home to teach them or they never had a mother, older sister or older woman to teach them how to handle a man. However, some women intentionally provoke their husbands by pushing buttons that they know will cause a negative reaction.


First off, I know I have taught my son never to HIT anyone...except in self defense. There is no need for hitting, and to say that people PUSHED your buttons to do that? For goodness sakes! How many times in life have people been in situations in which others PUSHED their buttons? I would say quite a bit at times, depending on WHOM you are talking to. I have never hit anyone that pushed my buttons. lol unless you want to count the time I was a child, and creamed my brother on occasion!

What is this man saying? Men don't grow up and figure out that isn't acceptable? I mean HARDLY! If they don't figure that out they will on their way to jail! I think we all know men that have had their buttons pushed, and have never lashed out at another person in that fashion. This author is giving lack of self control as a reason. Lack of proper authority figures within the home is also mentioned for others feeling they are entitled to make excuses for the lashing out. How many times did people attempt to push Jesus's buttons? Do we read pages and pages in the bible in which he told others he was 'justified' because someone made him do it?

HE HAS to be kidding ME! What in insult to men and woman alike!

Dear sister, never think that domestic violence is a normal way of life, and it should not occur in any relationship, especially in a Christian family relationship. Here are some things that you can do, as a young woman, to make sure that you do not end up in a relationship like this. I am going to deal with this issue from two standpoints: (1) Do not marry a man who is prone to violence in the first place, and (2) If God blesses you with a good man, here are some things you should do, and should not do, so as not to provoke him to negative behaviour. So, please listen carefully and take heed to the following:


I had to giggle at this part! Women can take a good man, and push them into beating them! For goodness SAKES! People that BEAT are broken people! Gender doesn't matter on this! He must really think we are raising a bunch of weak MEN in this world for him to say such a thing! I understand the not marrying a violent man part, but the rest is just excuses! MAKE SURE you don't MAKE your man HIT YOU! Is he seriously saying most people are that weak? I mean lets get down to reality here - abusers are weak people! I would like to introduce this author to some real men that don't make excuses for their bad behavior - because there are TONS of them out there!

The author then lists some traits for abusive personalities to show women WHO not to marry.

HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO ONCE YOU ARE MARRIED TO KEEP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FROM EVER HAPPENING

YBW,
let me remind you that the young black men of today are not your grandfather or even your father. The young black men of today are simply not going to put up with any disrespect from their woman. It is true that a man should never hit a woman under any circumstances, period. however, some women can bring this type of harmful activity upon themselves by not applying the Word of God, wisdom, and common sense to the marital relationship. Below are some common sense things that you can do to avoid having anything close to domestic violence happening in your home, assuming that you married a God-fearing, decent man in the first place:


I guess according to this author men of today don't know what is meant by being a gentleman or God Fearing Man. I mean even gentlemen and God Fearing men know how to properly deal with disrespectful people. I guess a speech about how not to get involved with women that are disrespectful wasn't needed, because he already gave men the green light to bash them. I mean they DID push the buttons right?

In domestic violence relationships don't hand abusers excuses for their behavior! There is no good excuse. I don't care HOW badly someone is pushing your buttons, disrespecting you, etc - you have no right landing hands on anyone. There is no YOU brought it upon yourself! I know I have been in situations where I would have LOVED to lay hands on someone, but I knew enough to get the heck out of dodge somehow! I figured out a way to cool myself down before I did something stupid! Goodness we have all been there! Just because someone else is acting badly doesn't give you the green light or excuse of them pushing you into sin. You did that ALL by yourself!

People don't make you sin! People don't PUSH you to sin! People don't PROVOKE you to sin! Its your decision to sin, and if you want to make excuses for it...that's SIN as well!

His list this time? Sighhhhhhhh!

Do not lie to your husband about anything, past, present, or future. There is no sense in lying to the person that you are married to, or to anyone else for that matter, but especially to your own husband. Lying will destroy the foundation of your marriage faster than anything. So, be honest about everything.


In domestic violence situations it isn't always SAFE to not lie about things! I mean he is talking about domestic violence right? I can understand the NOT lying in healthy relationships - he has a point it does break the foundation. If you are doing things to avoid a rage sessions, answering questions you know are being asked so he has the excuse to be provoked, etc. You are scared and you may lie to avoid these things. You aren't doing it for the same reason as someone outside of a domestic violence relationship. There are completely different reasons why people that are abused would lie compared to this sad excuse he is giving. I'm not justifying lieing here! Just being truthful with the reality of domestic violence! The truth will get your bashed just as much as the lie!

Dear sister, if you have a problem with wandering eyes and you just can’t control yourself when a handsome man gets within eye-shot, then you might need to get some spiritual healing in that area before you get married. One thing you do not want to do in front of your husband or husband to be is look at other men. That is disrespectful to him and the Bible tells us that “jealousy is the rage of a man”. And please don’t do this passive-aggressive nonsense of being vindictive and trying to get back at your husband by making him jealous because you had a disagreement or something. Many women have gone to a premature grave for doing silly things like that. You shouldn't’t do this at all, but if you just have to look at another man, have enough sense to do it when your husband is not around. I know this may sound petty to you, but the name of the game is don’t do anything to disrespect your husband.


If anyone man or woman took their partner to an early grave due to going to far in regards to their jealousy they should have sought spiritual healing before marriage. Stop making excuses!

People will look at the opposite gender, and at times it means NOTHING! Don't LOOK at anyone when your spouse is around?

Again this author has made no effort in doing any research whatsoever in the area of domestic violence. Alot of people can do nothing at all, or innocently look somewhere and get accused of this. There was no vindictive or passive agressive motive behind it. I'm sure there are people that play games, and if they do shame on THEM! To think that is some justication for domestic violence? This author does realize this behavior is illegal right?

May I encourage you not to disrespect your husband in front of your family or in front of your girlfriends, and definitely don’t disrespect him in front of his buddies. Depending on his makeup, he might be able to take a little bit of your mouthing off and showing out at home with just you and the children there, but he is not going to take your embarrassing him in front of other people. And for common sense sake, don’t go around telling your family and friends all of your business that goes on in your house because this is another point that may get his ire up and may cause him to go off on you.


I think this author is seriously trying to combine sinful behavior of immature adults, and combine that with domestic violence. Your spouses disrespects you in front of family or friends - that's no excuse to take it out on her or the children behind closed doors. That's not a God fearing man we are talking about here. YES the behavior should be addressed, but to think this author is almost saying it is justified makes me wonder how God fearing he is. There are steps in the bible to address BAD behavior, and what he speaks of isn't IT!

This may sound like a no-brainer to you, but do not commit adultery in any way, shape, form or fashion. If you are ever tempted to commit adultery, run–don’t walk–away from it. This is a sure cause for domestic violence. Society has it backwards, but when you get married, you are to be married until “death do you part.” This means that no one or nothing should come between the two of you. Again, let me repeat, you may be married to the strong, silent type, but “jealousy is still
the rage of a man”.


This man has to be kidding me right? Again we need to seek the bible for addressing this, and not use excuses for domestic violence as excuse for this behavior.

There are other ways that women show disrespect to their husbands that seem small to them, but are very irritating to men. Here are the big five: (1) talking back to him when he is trying to tell you something; (2) talking back while he is trying to tell you something (we all know women can think and talk faster than men); (3) rolling the eyes; (4) smirking; (5) cursing and calling your husband names. You don’t have to respond to everything that he does or says. Be a woman who respects and loves her husband despite his faults or failures, and be Christ-like in your response. The Bible, in fact, tells you in 1 Peter 3:4: “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” This is not about being a doormat. This is about being smart.


I think I can safely say no one likes this type of behavior. What does it say about a man that asks women to act Christlike, and yet gives excuses to men that can't seem to? Blind maybe? Men are to be respect to their wifes despite their faults and failures as well. Guess what Mr. Author>>> domestic violence isn't respectful in the least! You are asking women to stand up to a standard you have in your head, and not allowing the men in your life have the standard that God has asked them to.

Please understand that the way God has wired you as a woman is that your satisfaction comes from satisfying your husband and your family. God did not give him to you just for him to please you. You are to please him as well. Make sure you do your part. The older women will tell you that it really doesn’t take much to please a man. If you don’t know how to please a man, you better ask somebody. But as a man, I can assure you that it doesn’t take much. If you have been married to your husband for just a little while, God will give you the ability and the instincts to know what your husband wants and needs. Don’t let the devil tempt you into thinking that you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. Do not fight these instincts, and do not act as though you don’t know what your husband wants and needs. You know! Don’t sit in your house and not meet your husband’s needs, and think that he is going to be all you need for him to be. Honey, this is a two-way street. Yes, God expects that man to be “all that” to you, but God also expects you to be “all that” to him.


(shaking head and sighly loudly) Why do people write articles about domestic violence when they haven't got the first clue what they are dealing with? Women don't need to be told what they desire, etc. LOL I highly doubt men do either! Neither need to be told HOW we are wired!

In domestic violence situations you don't know how to satisify the person that is abusing you. lol if just doing that WORKED we wouldn't have the issues we have today! I'm sorry but I find articles like this extremely disrespectful when they plow all this ignorance into the issue. People abuse others - because they CAN! You can have the house clean as pin, favorite dinner on the table, slippers waiting be placed on the minute they walk in with children quietly and being dutiful - and an abuser will still RAGE and abuse. Its their brokeness that causes this, and not this nonsense about pleasing your man. Abusive people are irrational, and you can't negotoite with a crazy person! They aren't capable of that! I think this man seriously needs to spend some time with men, woman and children that have been abused. He has no clue what he is talking about, and if an abused person is reading this...it can be very damaging!

Understand that men are very serious about their food. Food is not just a necessity to a man, it is an event. It is something that he looks forward to. So, don’t make an issue out of his food. Don’t burn his food. Make sure his food is prepared on time, whether you do the cooking or not. Make sure it is done in a sanitary fashion, meaning, for example, that you wash your hands before you touch his food. Most men are very funny about how people prepare their food. Dear sister, you can probably eat a little something and keep on moving, but a man cherishes a good meal and takes it seriously. You can avoid a lot of trouble in your marriage by making sure this area is taken care of.


lol he has to be kidding! Lets mark that up to the saying, "A way to man's heart is via the stomach" shall we? You burn something - don't be cross when he punches you! Bleck!

If you have children, take care of your children. Do your part in raising, teaching, loving, and caring for them as their mother. There are some things that your husband will do with the children that you will not and cannot do. But he will appreciate it if you fulfill your part as their mother. Now let me emphasize something here, nothing will get a father and/or husband more upset than if he sees his children being neglected and/or mistreated by their own mother. Not being a loving, caring, and doting mother over his children will get you in a lot of trouble real fast.


Abusive spouses aren't good parents. Any good parent would be upset at the neglect and maltreatment of their children! Abusive spouses that abuse the spouse, and as you hear alot DON'T abuse the children.....aren't good parents either. A good parent would never mistreat their partner ever! Showing disrespect for anyone isn't being a good parent.

If you are a Christian young lady, God has commanded you to submit to your husband and God has also commanded you to obey your husband. Ephesians 5:22 states: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Titus 2:5 states: “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Now, if you want to be obedient to God, go ahead and have this kind of attitude and spirit and do this, and you can avoid a whole lot of pain and heartache in your marriage and in your family. I told my wife before we got married that we were going to do this thing called marriage “God’s way or no way,” and what I meant by that is: God is holding me accountable, and I am holding her accountable to doing it His way. And when we do it God’s way, we have peace and tranquility in our homes. When we cease to do it God’s way, we bring problems and trouble in our homes, and sad to say, even domestic violence.


Oh please!

God isn't going to give you the excuse that if you wife was the worse of characters its okay and understandable why domestic violence happens. Does this author seriously think God would give him an excuse? Your wife doesn't follow the word, but ME as a good Christian man is NOW OKAY with God if I push her around a bit?

I think this author needs to back to bible study. I'm not sure he is been shown a clear description fo what God's way is.

Daughters and YBW, if you claim to be a Christian, act like a Christian, and go ahead and stop trying to do marriage your way, and do it God’s way and save yourself a whole lot of heartache and trouble. I hope that you will take the above suggestions in the loving spirit in which they were written.



The above is a bunch of excuses, and you seem to forget that any person that commits domestic violence isn't acting as a CHRISTIAN - no excuses! Domestic violence isn't caused by not being submissive, etc. That's garbage! Its not caused by not honoring and disrespected someone! It amazes that me that people can believe this simplistic stuff in this day and age! It's truly shocking!

Daughters and YBW, domestic violence is a choice. Many people choose to have drama like this in their marriages, because of simply wanting to do things their way and not God’s way. No, a man should never hit a woman, but a woman should never provoke a situation that would cause a man to hit her or to abuse her in the first place. Contrary to society, this is a two way street. But you can avoid domestic violence and the pain that comes with it, if you just do the things listed above, in your marriage. I assure you that your marriage and family will be a happy one if you do these things. ,


You can't assure people of that! Its NOT possible! Ask the people that have been victims of domestic violence! Ask the people that work with abusers, and victims! Domestic violence within a relationship doesn't happen because someone broke some rule that you listed. I'm sorry but men that write this junk make me wonder if they justified their own bad behavior within their relationship themselves.


As a final note, dear sister, if you are doing God’s will and you are doing your part, but you are still in a relationship that is violent, then I strongly encourage you to run to safety as fast as you can–to a battered women’s shelter or some other organization like that, where the batterer can’t get to you. Again, here is the number to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.

May God Bless You and Keep You,


huh? I thought he could assure people of safety if they followed the rules? Guess that shows you how good the advice was! I truly feel sorry for people like this. TRULY! I pray for the poor victims that come into the path of them. Ignorance can kill as well. I would challege this author to do some homework, and maybe dedicate his time to his local shelter to see the error of his statements. I realize he won't, because he would rather place his myths of the issue out there rather than dealing with the reality. Its so sad.

When will the church come out their bubble and smell the reality?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The scourge of domestic violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:14 PM

Gloucester Daily Times has a midweek musing about The scourge of domestic violence.

Rev. Richard J. Simeone spoke of how for a number of years they have a brief ceremony proclaiming Gloucester a domestic violence free zone. They had the fanfare that most of these ceremonies have as well! As much as we would like to believe that these events lesson or stop domestic abuse we also know that they don't.

Rev. Simeone got a first hand experience it seems from a mocking of this sentiment that all to often happens:

At this year's proclamation ceremony, due note was given to the strides made over time in public awareness of the problem as well as concrete steps toward dealing with this public health disease.¬ Yet, it was also noted that we still have much work to do.¬ It made me think about a conversation I had earlier the day of the ceremony with an acquaintance of mine, to whom I mentioned that I was heading to the ceremony.¬

The other person made a scoffing noise, and I asked what it was about.¬ The reply was, "Oh, I have a neighbor who has one of those 'Strong Men Don't Bully' bumper stickers on his car, and all he does every evening is yell and swear at his wife."

The comment made me wince, yet also reminded me anew that as important as slogans are, as important as proclamation ceremonies are, they cannot carry the day unless you and I are committed daily to the hard work of living with civility and decency toward each other.¬ Doing so requires radical changes and a willingness to explore inner foundations of our tendencies to violent behavior.


That part I will agree with! I do think we need to change our mindset about this issue, and start recognizing habit patterns that society tends to have. I know even I can be included in that statement (blushing!). People do feel if you are not being strong armed, and physical attacked its NOT domestic violence. That is not correct, and that is how our education needs to change. Domestic abuse is a pattern of behavior, and the ones that mock the lists of behaviors must not know this. To me that shows an error on our education front.

The Sunday liturgies at St. John's Episcopal Church begin with a act of penitence commencing with the recitation of what is often called the Summary of the Law.¬ This piece of the Christian gospel recalls Jesus connecting two pieces of the Torah into a single command:¬ "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and mind, and soul and strength," and, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."¬ It is the second part which is critical to the topic at hand, and the operative words are, "as yourself."

Far too much religious teaching has focused only on the matter of loving our neighbor without consideration for the fact that we can only love the neighbor with the same measure of love we have for ourselves.¬ Neighbor in this context means anyone other than ourselves, be that spouse, partner, child, coworker, friend or a total stranger.


I do believe in my heart that abusers do truly have a self hate about themselves. I don't know how it is planted there, because I'm sure there are not just one source that is custom made for them. When I look at abusers in that light I often feel sorry for them. I'm not doing that as an excuse for the behavior, but to see them as this truly broken person. A broken person that often neglected by society if not as much - at times MORE so as society enables their behavior to continue. You can't heal what you refuse to recognize or acknowledge is there.

I agree with Rev. Simeone stating that we can only love he neighbor with the same measure of love we have for ourselves. In that way I wonder at times if they are capable of loving in any true form. They do wish us to believe they could, but someone that can't empathize and feels entitled to rage isn't showing that to me.

The foundations of violent behavior are laid in the wounding we have received, often at young and tender ages, which lead us to have a deep, if often unconscious, self loathing.¬ The psychological reality is that until we explore these issues in ourselves so that we no longer project our hurt and anger onto others, domestic abuse in its many and varied manifestations will not abate.¬ We need to remind ourselves daily that domestic violence encompasses the ill-spoken word toward another as much as the hand raised to do physical harm.¬ The man with the bumper sticker on his car probably believes what it proclaims.¬ Because he doesn't beat up his wife, he undoubtedly thinks he's not bullying her.¬ But, yelling and swearing at her are OK because, after all, isn't that the way his father treated his mother, and very likely him?


Very true!

We do see very often this attitude of its just words. We look at James 3 in the bible, and we find that this also is a very serious matter in the bible! I think at times that saying we all grew up with Stick and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you? I think we believed the lie of that old wife's tale. It is a lie. Those children grow up as well, and learn to be come adult bullies that do much more damage. We were so naive giving such advice to our children at one time.

Here is a crucial aspect of the problem of domestic abuse: our range of definition is too narrow.¬ Domestic does not just mean the home.¬ It means any and all of the places where we carry on the business of daily living, from the local scene to the national landscape.¬ Yet we can never hope to really experience a diminution of violence in daily life until we look deeply at the roots of our own pain. Bringing it into the light where we may acknowledge it is the beginning of healing and transformation.


I know I have looked into the root of my own pain, and brought it into the light so that I may transform. It really HURT at first, and there was alot of anger there as well. I did work past this (most of it anyway...okay I hope! lol), and I know it was part of my past...but no longer part of me. Well! NOT like it was! As I educated myself on this I also had to learn some assertivness training in certain circumstances that otherwise I would be to afraid to approach in the past. I had to change this otherwise I may set myself up to be walked all over once again. It doesn't have to be just at home. It could be a my job, volunteering or just a friendship for example.

I often wonder at times if victims have a easier time of this because we had things jammed down our throat for so long. I have to think if our pain of the past isn't a tool that can make us stronger to face this portion of healing. Escape to me is just the first step, but as victims I feel that we need to do ROOT work ourselves. I used to beat myself UP once the realization of my life came, "How could I have been SO stupid!" I had to realize at the time I didn't have the tools I have today. I have heard people in the past mention that they had seen signs, but didn't realize how dangerous they were at the time. You didn't have the tools then. Its okay! YOU do now, and if you wonder about that part....do some of your own ROOT work! Its worth it!

Until we do this the scourge of domestic violence will continue to darken even the brightest day.¬ We will go on paying the price of domestic violence in wounded bodies, broken families, lost wages, children with diminished potential and communities where we feel unsafe and threatened.

It is time to move more intentionally beyond days of proclamation and well-intentioned and heart-felt slogans — as important as they are. It is time to do the inner work, with whatever professional help is necessary, to heal the inner wounds that afflict us, so that more deeply loving ourselves, we can more truly respect the dignity of every person including ourselves.


There are alot of things we hear when we grow up, and when things go down you realize the words sound good but people have a hard time owning them! We all hear how you never know what goes on behind closed doors, and I can't name a person that wouldn't agree with that statement. The problem starts when you realize they don't believe that could be true for them when a charming abuser comes into their fold. They don't know what happens behind closed doors, and the additional problem? They don't want to believe it either! I think abusers by the time they hit adulthood are pretty much professional con man (or women), and they have learned to play the human race very VERY well! That is why I don't believe they don't grasp what they do is wrong, because they wouldn't make such an issue over keeping it silence. They wouldn't have problems with people KNOWING their personal business. If its so ordinary and everyday - why the secrets? Why the intimidation to keep it secret? Why the threats towards others to keep the secrets? Its because they know, and they are not willing to change their brokenness. I'm sure it looks like a huge undertaking for them. Almost impossible. Just like the undertaking this author is asking for the world. I'm sure soceity feels this is TOO huge! It needs to be done in reality, and we all know it! Its a HUGE undertaking, but one that most will say they don't have a problem with...until it hits front and center in their own lives.

If we are take on the scourge of domestic violence there are changes we are all going to have to make. Its overwhelming, but I hope the world can at least start that charge to change! We would all be better off!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Domestic Violence - Story on Pastor's considering role

3 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:46 PM

I found a news article today on the Morning News . It spoke of how a group of pastor's came and listened to a presentation about domestic violence. I thought it was well written and hard hitting........let me know what you think?

Local pastors consider role in addressing domestic violence

By Jamie Rogers (jrogers@florencenews.com)
Morning News Reporter
Published: October 29, 2008

FLORENCE — Local pastors considered their role in preventing and treating domestic violence in their communities during an engaging and, at times, spirited roundtable discussion on Wednesday in Florence.

The faith leaders roundtable was held by the Pee Dee Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual and was one of many events being held in conjunction with October being recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

The Rev. Carl Smith, president of Redeeming the Time, which specializes in biblical treatment of domestic violence batterers, moderated the event.

South Carolina consistently ranks as one of the top 10 states in domestic violence, Smith said.

That is why it’s more pertinent than ever for religious leaders to be agents of safety, he said.

Roundtable participants agreed pastors must be willing to get in the pulpit and speak to their congregations about domestic violence.

“We have a mandate to meet the needs of the people through the gospel of Jesus Christ,” minster Elaine Baldwin, who participated in the discussion, said. “Domestic violence is an issue in this community, and just because people refuse to talk about it doesn’t mean it isn’t real. It is real.”

Some pastors are aware their parishioners are abusive to their spouses or partners but choose to skirt the issue, Smith said. Some pastors even blame the victim and tell them to go back to an abusive spouse, he said.

“Don’t be telling her to go back, pray harder and make a better supper. Don’t you dare do that!” Smith said.

Pastors should be willing to say the word “divorce” from the pulpits, although a well-planned separation might be a better option, Davis said.

Whether it be during a divorce or a separation, this is a critical time for the victim, he said.

“This is the most dangerous point in her life, when she’s trying to leave,” Smith said. “He’ll do any- and everything to track her down.”

Abusive mates often become enraged and determined to do serious harm to their fleeing partners, he said. One of the best ways to stop domestic violence is to change the attitude and behavior of the batterer, Smith said.

“Until somebody he respects faces him and says he shouldn’t be doing that, he won’t stop,” Davis said. “We pastors have to be willing to have the guts to say it.”

Roundtable participants agreed that churches should support local domestic violence awareness groups that help domestic violence victims and treat their abusive partners.

The Pee Dee Coalition is working to form a regional faith-based advisory council that would help pastors aid in the fight against domestic violence.

Anyone with information about possible cases of domestic violence is encouraged to contact the nearest law enforcement agency.

In addition, the Pee Dee Coalition provides assistance and resources designed to help victims of this crimes and can be reached at any time at (843) 669-4600 or (800) 273-1820.


I was disappointed when I saw the comments were closed. I was blown away when I read the one they GOT!

Posted by ( florencesc ) on October 29, 2008 at 8:53 pm


Here we go again, who do you work for Mr. Durant, the newspaper or Pee Dee Coalition. What, did they call you and tell you they were staging this event? Everyone seems to be on a faith-based kick, why? Do they suspect that it works or is it the trend? We have the utmost respect for Pastors, especially the ones who remember the seperation of church and state. I know it’s an emotional issue and many people have died at the hands of domestic violence. Our hearts and prayers go out to each and every victim and family. What we are saying is don’t allow yourselves, as pastors to become the centerpiece and platform for Pee Dee Coalition. Your were ordained and blessed with Gods Word to handle any and all problems for which you seek guidance. You don’t need Pee Dee Coalition to tell you about divorce or any other related matter that deals with God’s children. As a Pastor, people come to you in confidence seeking guidance and assistance with all sorts of domestic issues, some of which are abusive and violent. Let God be your guide and not the statistics that Pee Dee Coalition quotes to you. I am very sure that Pee Dee Coalition’s concern for life and safety is very valid. If you are not careful you’ll be the justification for the next state or federal grant they receive, regardless of whose life was loss or saved. Stick to your pulpit and church as you provide guidance and assistance to those who seek you out. Don’t allow yourself to be used by the state or any agent thereof. Domestic violence is a serious issue but let the state, i.e. Pee Dee Coalition do their own thing and assist in any way they can, separate from what you do. We noticed that in your article they seemed to suggest a topic for the pulpit. Let God be your guide! To all the victims and families of domestics violence, I know that you have been and are being emotionally and possibly physically abused, and we would be the first to say that we are all here to assist you in any way we can. All we are saying is don’t become a victim of a system or agency that simply needs you to justify their next grant. Pastors you are doing fine on your own, trust in God that you will continue to do your best in assisting those who come to you in need.


SINCE I can't leave a comment for this person - I will write it here!

It amazes this a pastor or a representative of one would leave a post of this manner! How completely insulting! Do you realize how many pastor's DON'T have a clue about this issue, and DO send their church member home? They are enabling illegal behavior, and your condoning it! The church has been silent on matter for way to long, and there are PLENTY of victims left dead, injured, or completely broken. Some that survived have left the church - I pray not forever! There is NOTHING wrong with getting into the pulpit, and preaching about the sin of domestic violence! I would assume from your statement your church is not a safe one, or maybe its fear of the subject. If it is hate towards the organization that you writing about then you need to check your bible for the proper bibical attitude, because you SURE aren't showing it! I'm not familiar with Pee Dee Coalition, but if they woke some pastors up GOOD FOR THEM! I'm sure those pastor's are able to figure out the biblical stand on what they learned without someone writing with a tone of contempt!

Would LOVE your comments! I hope those pastor's do considering their roles when it comes to domestic violence! The Cheraw Chronicle also wrote about this event!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Gunman kills three during church service

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 5:18 PM

Fox News Reports:


A shooting inside of a New Jersey church service Sunday morning left one woman dead and two others hospitalized, MyFOXNY is reporting.

Reshma James, 24, died after being shot by her estranged husband during church services at St. Thomas Knanaya Church in Clifton, NorthJersey.com said.

Congregants were attending the morning service when shots were reported at 11:40 a.m. According to the church’s Web site, service traditionally begins at 11:15 a.m.

Dennis John and Silvy Perincheril, both of Hawthorne, were reportedly injured in the shooting, according to NorthJersey.com. Perincheril — who was shot in the stomach— is the church's choir director. James was Perincheril's niece, visiting from California.

The shooting was believed to be a case of domestic violence, with the gunmen suspected to be the spouse of James, NorthJersey.com said.

A witness told NorthJersey.com that the shooter came into to the church saying, "I came to take my wife."

Officials from the Passaic County sheriff’s department and the prosecutor’s office responded to the scene, where more than 200 parishioners had been attending service, MyFOXNY reported.

According to NJ.com, St. Thomas Knanaya is a Syrian Orthodox Church. People at the scene said that the shooting took place during a prayer service for the dead.

Port Authority Police and the State Police have been notified that a suspect — who remains at large — may be trying to evade capture by fleeing to one of the nearby metropolitan airports, MyFOXNY said.


Breitbart also reports on this story:

CLIFTON, N.J. (AP) - A gunman opened fire during services Sunday at a northern New Jersey church, injuring three people, one of them critically, authorities said. The gunman remained at large.
About 200 people were in St. Thomas Syrian Orthodox Knanaya Church in Clifton when the shots were fired before noon.

A law enforcement official said the shooting may be the result of domestic violence.

The New Jersey State Police and county law enforcement agencies were looking for the gunman.

Members of the church are mostly first-generation immigrants and their children from Kerala, India.


Kansas City.com added:

Police were searching for 27-year-old Joseph M. Pallipurath of Sacramento, Calif., after the shooting at St. Thomas Syrian Orthodox Knanaya Church in Clifton.

Detective Capt. Robert Rowan told The Star-Ledger of Newark that the victim, 24-year-old Reshma James, had recently moved from California to escape an abusive marriage and had filed a restraining order against Pallipurath.


Prayers are going up for this church, and the families of the victims. I will also pray for the shooter.

If things like this don't wake the church up that it can happen at their front door...I don't know what would.

Its so sad that it takes a gunman that kills three during a church service, and those types of related stories to show some that it can happen anywhere.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Domestic Violence, Church, Faith Resource Books

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:39 PM

I wanted to list a couple of more resource books on domestic violence with an aspect of church or your faith. I have been a little behind keeping up to date with this, and I wanted to point a couple of additional ones out to everyone!

I found an online interview of the author of the book below by Rev. Anne Weatherholt




Relgious New Blog writes about this book regarding an abusive pastor by Virginia and Robert Coombs.





Barbara Roberts - Not Under Bondage with a link to her website



Behind the Hedge by Waneta Dawn and a link to her blog




I hope these help others looking for resources for domestic violence within the church, or concerning your faith. I will post new faith resources soon.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Working to break the domestic violence cycle

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:13 PM

Statesville.com had a good story on domestic violence recently. I wanted to point out a partial note about what a pastor mentioned. It will be highlighted below!

Thank you Statesville.com!

By Donna Swicegood

Published: November 16, 2008

The idea that men who batter their partners need anger management is a ridiculous notion to A Call to Men co-founder Tony Porter.

"They have excellent anger management skills," Porter said at a workshop last week that brought several domestic violence service providers together. "They know who to hit and who not to hit."

Porter told the group at the Not Tonight Domestic Violence Peace Initiative Workshop that men are the key to addressing the growing domestic violence problem.

"Not enough men are standing up and taking responsibility for ending violence against women," he said. "Violence is rooted in sexism, that she belongs to him and he can do whatever he wants with his property."

Classifying batterers as "sick" helps men who don't batter justify their own lack of response, Porter explained. "It helps us to say they're the bad guys and we're the good guys. But the truth is, we think a lot alike," he said.

For years, he said, labeling batterers as mentally ill gave abusers a free pass. "We let men off the hook. Boys will be boys and then they become men," he said. "We give them a pass on responsibility, pass on accountability."

Porter said there are instances of men being battered by women, but those numbers are low. "It's about 5 percent," he said. "That means 95 percent is being done by men."

The Iredell County Sheriff's Office Special Victims Unit alone has investigated 1,135 cases of domestic violence this year.

One in three women are affected by domestic violence. Ninety-two people have died in North Carolina this year as a result of domestic violence.

Most of the room at Statesville Covenant Cathedral on Wilson Lee Boulevard was filled by women, most of whom are domestic violence advocates and, in some cases, survivors.

But a few men were there, and one admitted that he knew little about dealing with domestic violence issues until he talked with the workshop organizer, Tony Bellamy.

The Rev. Sam Thomas, pastor of the church where the event was held, said a female parishioner came to him and told him about being abused by her spouse. "I told her to call the police," he said. Later, he realized that was not the right advice at that time as the man came to his office, aching for a fight.

"I didn't know the resources to send her to," Thomas said. Now, after talking to Bellamy and attending workshops, those answers are much clearer.

Patti West of My Sister's House, the shelter for domestic violence victims in Iredell County, said part of the problem in addressing the issue is the myths that surround domestic violence.

"We often hear, 'Why does she stay?' " West said. "We turn that around and to 'Why does he do it?' "
Education and awareness on a variety of levels, from the health care system to the workplace, are key to ending the cycle of violence.

"How to ensure safety needs to be our number one concern," she said. "Domestic violence can turn deadly very quickly."

Tammy Brooks, emergency services director at Davis Regional Medical Center, said her own experience as a domestic violence victim helps her deal with those who come into the ER for help.
After one beating landed her at the ER where she worked at the time, she lied to her co-workers. "I was a nurse. I wasn't supposed to be a victim," she said.

Brooks told them she fell down the stairs and, even though co-workers could clearly see handprints on her neck, they didn't question her explanation.

"I needed resources," she said.

Brooks said her own family alienated her, not knowing how to respond, but she knew she needed to make a move.

"I knew next time, I would not survive," she said.

Now, she said, she tries to help women much like herself.

She spoke of one case, in which a woman came to the ER, obviously battered, and the man refused to leave her side. Brooks said she knew not to question the woman's account in front of the man, but took her to X-ray, where the husband wasn't allowed.

"Only the patient can go into X-ray," she said. In the X-ray room, she learned the truth, the man had beaten her, was armed and was threatening to kill their children, who were in the waiting room.
Brooks, with the help of law enforcement, devised a plan to get police into the ER and arrest the man.
Thinking her involvement ended, Brooks didn't know what happened. "About six months later, I got a card with a picture of the children on it and the words 'This is the family you saved,' " she said. "You could not give me a million dollars that would take the place of that card."

Brooks said she tells co-workers now not to judge the women who come into the ER. "If you have not walked in those shoes, you don't know," she said.

Anna Eaton of Teen Health spoke of her own experience, as a child watching her mother's boyfriend kill her mother. She said she received little support afterward from family. It was a teacher and principal, she said, who helped her.

"If it hadn't been for my community, I wouldn't be where I am now," she said. She said a teacher came by every day to bring her classroom work and help her complete it and the principal did the same, even checking on her as she entered high school.

She said her own experience points out that it doesn't take a professional domestic violence counselor to make a difference.

Detective Sgt. Bill Hamby, who works with the Iredell County Sheriff's Office Special Victim's Unit, said law enforcement's response to domestic violence is ever-expanding.

He talked about his experience as a young police officer in Taylorsville, before mandatory arrest laws were enacted. "This lady's nose was literally on the other side of her face," he said. She denied being beaten, and Hamby had no choice but to walk away. "At that point, there was nothing I could do but leave," he said. "Now all I need is some sign of assault."

Porter said mandatory arrest laws give law enforcement much more latitude, but many times that's a double-edge sword.

"More women are being arrested than ever before," he said. Porter said the bruises inflicted by the male batterer are often hidden, but the scratches made by women in an attempt to stop the abuse, are there for law enforcement to see.

"The criminal justice response has gotten better, but women are still being victimized in the same numbers if not higher," he said. "The criminal justice response, in and of itself, will not solve domestic violence. It's needed but it's not the answer."

Bellamy, who along with Thomas, conducts a program for men called Ordered Steps, said getting other men to take a stance on the issue is vital.

The workshop was primarily aimed at understanding the dynamics of domestic violence and to bring service providers in one place to discover what resources are available.

Bellamy said he wants the workshop to be the first step in a community-based coalition to address the issues connected with domestic violence. The next meeting is scheduled for Dec. 4 at noon at Vision Outreach Ministries, 524 E. Front St., across from Carolina BBQ.

Porter said Bellamy is an example of what men should do to help combat domestic violence.
"It does my heart good that we have a man in this community taking on this issue," he said. "He's probably been kicked out of the boys club because of his involvement."

----------------------

Nice to see that this Pastor will be pretty prepared for the next time! That had to be scary! Glad we have another pastor working to break the domestic violence cycle!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Domestic Violence - Is the church Neutral?

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:35 PM

When Loving Him Hurts had a very spot on article about the neutral position churches seem to take when it comes to the very HAIRY position of meddling in domestic violence! lol yes I had to throw in some sarcasm there!

How many people have heard comments similiar to this?

We won’t sides: Even though he has been threatening, we won’t take sides as there is always two sides to every story.

He must be in pain over the split and that is why he is mistreating you

He needs as much protection from you as you do from him

We won’t get involved because we want to maintain relationships with him

We won’t confess he has mistreated you, we will just keep emphasising that he is hurting

You must have done something to trigger his anger

We won’t hold him accountable as we don’t want him to feel worse or upset him even further


The part that floored me is he wasn't even her husband either! I guess I had been concentrating SO much on marriages that I never stopped to realize how completely NEUTRAL they are in other relationships also! Well - Okay I hadn't thought of it recently!

These questions kind of triggered me into asking some questions!

When was the last time you read in the bible Jesus stating he wouldn't take sides? He wouldn't do that until he knew BOTH sides of the story! lol Okay - just wouldn't take sides....he knew both sides already didn't he?!

Makes excuses for someone that sinned against another by remarking, "You realize YOU hurt HIM when you broke UP!" or anything ELSE close to that?

I don't want to stand up to him, because I need his relationship!

Holding hurting people accountable is a HUGE no no in the eye of the Lord! You might hurt him MORE!

That author is SO right - major BLECK! I mean where is the BACK BONE or SPINE or any other type of term you wish to use in those types of comments?

victims of abuse are chastised for not making a stand and then beaten down again because her community won’t stand up and confront with her and for her.


My goodness isn't that the truth! OH! We forgot one additional factor (if it's marriage anyway)...we can't make those stats on Christian marriages WORSE now can we!


Lets take a hot topic that we have all heard in the news recently...homosexuality. We have all heard the powerful stands on that subject didn't we? Why do they wimp out on others? I don't mean to name call, but for goodness sakes! Where the heck did the accountability go? WHen did we lose that? Is there an exception clause I missed in the bible that shows it only applies in CERTAIN relationships? Can someone clue me in here?

If anything, this experience taught me a lot about how our Christian values that were intended to be the moral fibre of our hearts and a firm foundation for our communities can be so distorted and weakened that we give evil power and the power of good is once again seen as the losers team.

It has also taught me how I can educate and support the church in applying wisdom to working with abused women and how to give the perpetrator the best support by taking away his perceived rights to control and own his partner.


Lets all stand up and give this author a ROUND of APPLAUDS! Churches need to stop this neutral stand on domestic violence, and grow up and smell the reality! Your NOT following your OWN biblical guidelines....open the bible up again - ITS IN THERE!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Silence of Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 1:13 PM

A Forward Design had an article on their blog about restoring the broken.


Shauna Gauthier mentions stats that I'm sure we have all heard of, but she continues:

With these revealing statistics, one might wonder why domestic violence is not at the forefront of our discussions in churches and other community groups. Though the topic is gaining some momentum these days, it is still quite clear that the church has struggled to contend with issues of abuse.


Isn't that the truth! I think they truly don't know what the answers are so they choose NOT to deal with them at all. Domestic violence doesn't have easy answers, and at times there are no good choices. There is no clear path to take. To me they seem to spiritualize it more than deal with it.

There was a story the other day on Ibelieve.com that I read about a women that I'm not sure realizes what she is dealing with yet clearly. I think she is beginning to see it, but the AHEM healthy ones can't see it at all!

SHe was speaking about how her and her spouse were having a disagreement about her housekeeping, and it seems she was trying to get him to understand that she was overloaded as it was. He got frustrated and began to call her names among other things. She wasn't that perfect little Christian lady and was a bit sassy in return. He ran up grabbed her as a man would grab another man, and truly began to rage at that point. It scared her as you can imagine! Can we say either of them was innocent? I'm sure we can say both were not innocent, but the grabbing the wife in that fashion was a bit over the top! Can we say dangerous even?

I would add that both of them or at least one of them need to grow up.

Sniping back and forth will do nothing but lead to greater problems whether verbal or physical. One of them need to stop with the sarcastic and hurtful remarks.

The wife needs to talk to the husband if he is trying to talk to her about the situation. Her refusal to speak to him is just as or more inflamatory than snide and childish comments.


She did get some good comments, but of course you get comments about how she shouldn't provoke him to anger. It seemed to me he provoked first!

You know WHEN the conversation really died? When she posted a letter from him to her as he was quoting scripture to show her how wrong she was in provoking him in this way!

Among some of those:

Proverbs 21:9
It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
Ephesians 5:21-33
Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. (I’ve done this buy allowing you to be who you are. I don’t interfere with your hearts desires and wishes. You do as you please with mostly no complaints from me.) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (I told you to clean and you refused.)

and

Hebrews 13:17
Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you. (What advantage is it to you to fight against me? Why do you battle with me? Submission is a hard thing to do but it is a command from God.)
Proverbs 21:19
It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. (A desert land is hopeless: hot, no water, sweat, dry, unbearable!! Is it any wonder the bible uses such analogies?)

and

Proverbs 31:10-31
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. ... (IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND A WIFE LIKE THIS THESE DAYS!)

and you LOVE this part:

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO. YOU ARE GOING TO SEND ME SCRIPTURES ABOUT WHAT A HUSBAND SHOULD DO INSTEAD OF FIGURING OUT WHAT YOU CAN BE DOING DIFFERENTLY. I SAW ON THE COMPUTER YOU LOOKED UP “VERBAL ABUSE”. AS IF I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH VERBALLY ABUSING YOU WHEN YOU PUSHED ME OVER THE EDGE. PLEASE START LOOKING AT HOW YOU CAN CHANGE. IF THERE IS ONE THING FOR CERTAIN IT IS THIS: I HAVE CHANGED FOR THE BETTER OVER THE LAST TWO YEARS. I’VE MADE DRASTIC CHANGES. YOU HAVE CHANGED FOR THE WORST. WHY IS THAT?

You know what I found most telling? The 'you provoked him to anger' crowd somehow disappeared, and had nothing further to say after she posted the letter. I guess he was justified in all his scripture.

As the article I posted to at the top stated:

This is what evil looks like. It is the silencing of those in whom God has uniquely and intentionally created to bear beauty in the world. In an abusive relationship a perpetrator, who was almost always a victim at some point in his or her life, utilizes power and control to destroy the beauty of another. Thus, the cycle of abuse is perpetuated.


I'm sure the husband was a victim at one time, and he felt silenced himself. In this case she isn't really heard, and no one has seen this man's brokeness either. To me BOTH are silenced in different ways!

The grander narrative reveals that Jesus came for the marginalized. There seem to be varying contexts surrounding the marginalization of people, but the effects remain the same. In Jesus’ day those who were deemed “unrighteous” were silenced, shamed and ostracized from society. It was his love that granted them a voice. The savior of the world deemed them worthy of love, conversation and the breaking of bread together. As followers of Christ, we are to reveal the incarnation of this love through our own lives. What does it look like to give a voice to the voiceless? How will we reveal and pursue the humanity of victims and perpetrators alike? How will we begin to seek out the beauty of God that each individual was created to uniquely reveal? When we begin to answer these questions as a community of God, then we will be able to begin contending with issues of domestic violence and abuse.


Great questions. How indeed!

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Resources for Abusers

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:47 PM

Please keep in mind that I do no recommend that hand this list to the abuser.  This list is for abusers that are looking for help themselves.

Life Partners
Preparation 4 Eternity is a blog of a journey of man that has endorsed Life Partners, and documents his thoughts.  Its very inspiring.
Joel & Kathy a ministry started by a former abuser.
MEVAC online board support
Life Skills International

I will be adding more soon!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Link List Page

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 5:41 PM

Broken Down by Sections
Keep in Mind These are NOT gender based!




Please let me know either by commenting on this blog post itself,

or using our contact form  if you see I missed something.  
Thank you!

Top

Online Support for Domestic Violence

Faith Based Domestic Violence Organizations
(Christian, Jewish, Muslim)

Possible sources of other types of help

Domestic Violence Related Blogs and Websites
(Including some abused men links)

Music Videos

Movies and Shows regarding Domestic Violence

See and Hear Actual Examples of Different Types of Domestic Violence

Faith Based Presentations on Domestic Violence

Abuser Resources

Rape, Molestation, Incest, Sexual Abuse

Cults, Cultic Practices, Recovery, Extremely Legalistic Churches, and Destructive practices



Online Support for Domestic Violence
Back To Top

Our Place
Our Place is secular, but does have a spirituality section.  They are also very aware of how faith can tie into domestic violence issues.  I'm an administrator on this board, and my screen name is 'app'

Deborah's Song
Deborah's Song at one time was named, "Jesus Heals Abuse".  Pastor Jacky Hughes runs the board, and she also has very helpful staff to help.

Focus Ministries
Focus Ministries also has an online forum for support.  I do believe you will have to email first in order to gain entry.  Its a security measure.

Muslim Domestic Violence Support (and some offline)

Hide Out - Site For Children
Hide Out is a site for the support of children.



Faith Based Domestic Violence Organizations

Back To Top

Broken People

Dorcas Network

Faith Trust Institute

Focus Ministries

JSafe or Jewish Institute

Hotline List for Jewish Domestic Violence

Rabbi’s Notebook

Muslim Domestic Violence

PASCH - Peace and Safety

Rave - Religion and Violence eLearning

Clergy Guidelines


Possible sources of other types of help
Back To Top

Safety Plans - Always good to look at more than one!
Abigails Safety Plan - .pdf file
Focus Ministries Safety Plan - .pdf file


Abuse Devotionals, writing, Poems by: Jacky Hughes

ARIN WHOIS Database Search - look up IP addresses

Emotional Abuse
Good information about emotional Abuse

NCADV

Freecycle - Helpful resource if looking for free household items

Legal Decisions Article

Patrica Evans Verbal Abuse Board

Information on PTSD

The Weaker Vessel - Abuser Database

Read Notify - tells you IP address and location of person sent it, etc.

Stalking Help Resource

Free Hugs - Makes you feel better!

For Health Care Professionals

B.A.C.A Biker's Against Child Abuse  Video about this Program

Domestic Violence Related Blogs and Websites
Back To Top


Because It Matters

Sanctuary for the Abused

Submission Tyranny in Church and Society

Adventures in Mercy

Quivering Daughters

Woman Submit

Not Under Bondage

From Bitter Waters To Sweet

Battered Husband Support

Husband Abuse Blog

What about when Mom's the Abuser

Heart 2 Heart For Battered Men

Hotline For Men



Music Videos
Back To Top

Adrenaline Big House

Chris Tomlin - Indescribable

Newsboys - He Reigns

Chris Tomlin - Amazing Grace

Mariah Carey - Side Effects

American Idol - Shout to the Lord

Cry Out To Jesus

Held

How Far is Heaven

Jesus Loves You Whitney Houston

Kelly Clarkson - Because of you

Kirk Franklin - Imagine Me

Mariah Carey - Side Effects with Lyrics

Newsboys - He Reigns

Toni Childs - I've got to go now


Movies and Shows regarding Domestic Violence
Back To Top

SHOWS
Victim of Emotional Abuse Speaks out on the TODAY show. approx 9 minutes

Toxic Relationships on Today Show. approx 8 minutes

Toxic Relationships on Today Show PT II. approx 9 minutes

Hidden Victims of Domestic Voilence (Discovery Education Channel) 35 min.

Robin Givens Talks about Faith and Domestic Violence

Sacred Silence (Discovery Education Channel) 25 min.

20/20 Segment on domestic abuse

Series of Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse you hear, feel, and see  Super Nanny

Child Abuse: Family Matters (Discovery Education Channel) 25 min.

MOVIES

Breaking the Silence - Children's Stories of Domestic Violence

The Color Purple

What's Love Got To Do With It

Gospel of John Day 1

Gospel of John - Day 2

Gospel of John - Day 3

Facing the Giants

Cry for Help - The Tracy Thurman Story



See and Hear Actual Examples of Different Types of Domestic Violence


Back To Top
Without Remorse

Verbal Abuse of Children Caught on Tape

Series of Emotional Abuse and Verbal Abuse you hear, feel, and see  Super Nanny

Do you realize what your words can do?

Definitions
Children of Uxoricide - when one parent kills the other

Emotional Abuse

Good information about emotional Abuse
Patrica Evans Verbal Abuse Board

Information on PTSD


Teen Abuse - covers both genders



Faith Based DV Presentations
Back To Top

United Methodist Domestic Violence Education Video

United Methodist Domestic Violence Education Video - MPEG Link

Interesting Comments on Forgiving

When Love Hurts: Understanding and Healing of Domestic Violence ..Direct Video Link at bottom

When Apologies are Dangerous - link at Bottom of post

Forgiveness - What is it?

Detours: Domestic Violence Sermon

Taking a Break From Words Sermon

Approaching Domestic Violence As Jesus Would

A Perspective on Domestic Violence in the Muslim Community  - Paper

First Place Sermon Contest Winner on Domestic Violence
Judges 19


Abuser Resources
Please keep in mind that I do no recommend that hand this list to the abuser. 
This list is for abusers that are looking for help themselves.
Back To Top

Life Partners

Preparation 4 Eternity is a blog of a journey of man that has endorsed Life Partners, and documents his thoughts.  Its very inspiring.

Joel and Kathy a ministry started by a former abuser.

MEVAC online board support

Life Skills International



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Saturday, November 01, 2008

Privacy Policy

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:51 PM

Privacy Policy for Emotional Abuse and Your Faith.
The privacy of our visitors to Emotional Abuse and Your Faith is important to us.
At Emotional Abuse and Your Faith, we recognize that privacy of your personal information is important. Here is information on what types of personal information we receive and collect when you use and visit Emotional Abuse and Your Faith, and how we safeguard your information.  We never sell your personal information to third parties.
Log FilesAs with most other websites, we collect and use the data contained in log files.  The information in the log files include  your IP (internet protocol) address, your ISP (internet service provider, such as AOL or Shaw Cable), the browser you used to visit our site (such as Internet Explorer or Firefox), the time you visited our site and which pages you visited throughout our site.
Cookies and Web BeaconsWe do use cookies to store information, such as your personal preferences when you visit our site.  This could include only showing you a popup once in your visit, or the ability to login to some of our features, such as forums.
We also use third party advertisements on Emotional Abuse and Your Faith to support our site.  Some of these advertisers may use technology such as cookies and web beacons when they advertise on our site, which will also send these advertisers (such as Google through the Google AdSense program) information including your IP address, your ISP , the browser you used to visit our site, and in some cases, whether you have Flash installed.  This is generally used for geotargeting purposes (showing New York real estate ads to someone in New York, for example) or showing certain ads based on specific sites visited (such as showing cooking ads to someone who frequents cooking sites).
You can chose to disable or selectively turn off our cookies or third-party cookies in your browser settings, or by managing preferences in programs such as Norton Internet Security.  However, this can affect how you are able to interact with our site as well as other websites.  This could include the inability to login to services or programs, such as logging into forums or accounts.
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Contact Me Form

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 6:39 PM

Contact Form
Hello World!

Feel free to contact me below. If you have a question about a particular article, or subject please include the URL (address of the webpage) in Question.

God Bless You All!


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