We all know that churches – or shall we say more directly HUMANS make mistakes. It happens, because we all have screwed up royally at times. Church leadership isn’t immune. For me its how they handle their mistakes that show their fruit. Then you have times in which tragedy hits, and if they make mistakes hiding the tragedy instead of facing it? It’s hard to wrap you head around WHY they refuse to face the truth. The more they bounce around? The more trust they break along the way.
We have a saying that goes, ‘The larger they are the harder they fall’.
Today when we look at large congregations in trouble? It also depends on how they handle that fall, because if they handle it badly? They don’t just fall hard…they tend to bounce.
The more they bounce along they are also asking others to endure one hard fall after another.
I think we have all experienced that in life. We blew it in some way, and when the time came to face our error….we hid it instead. We may have been scared of the consequences, or just wanted to get away with it. We may have told just part of the story, and were hesitate to share the entire circumstance.
Then before we know it we get nailed with a full out wrath that tends to be worse than if we had just LAID out our sin the way we were suppose to in the beginning. Most individuals tend to give all up at that point, because its clear to them the truth is out. There is no denying it. Its scary, and its hard but its time to let it all go.
It seems lately we have very LARGE organizations within the faith bouncing all over the place by choice. Now realize I’m not saying ‘literally’ by choice, and I guess the better way to phase that is bouncing due to ‘choices’. Okay, YES I guess I was right the first time….they bounce by choice.
They have some ugly, awful thing happen within their congregation. They wait until they HAVE to say something, and then they choose to say as little as possible. They fall hard, and then BOUNCE up with business as usual.
Then another piece comes out, and they fall hard once again and BOUNCE up once again. The circumstances tends to settle in, and more comes to light. BOUNCE! BOUNCE! BOUNCE!
Keep in mind its not different types of sin that surfaced, but the same one that they attempted to silence to begin with. What’s even harder to understand is the people that back up their decision to go down this silly path to begin with.
You normally hear all these excuses about how they had to weight what was appropriate to share, and when they needed share it. You would think the first or second time they BOUNCED they would have realized its time to lay it all out there.
They have a hard time admitting that they break that bond of trust they have within their congregation each and every time they decide to bounce instead of just falling…and then slowly getting up to learn from their mistake.
It’s rather scary for me to realize that these leaders are really true cowards at heart. They are quick to preach what the bible says, and refuse to learn a darn thing themselves. Yes, that is part of the reason they are called Pharisees.
When you read the bible during those times in which Jesus got truly upset with the sin of others? It was normally directed towards the religious leaders at the time.
They got so consumed with their power, prestige, and role within the community. They had all the answers, and they expected people to fall into line when it came to what they had to say. All that power in a sense went to their heads, and not their hearts.
They lost the essence of their position, because they wanted to LEAD not GUIDE. They got more out of sin sniffing, because they knew they were almost immune from it themselves. If people questioned that part? They had their own personal thugs (they call supporters) waiting for their time to tear you apart for not doing as you were told.
I have known many truly decent pastors in my lifetime. They also had some hard circumstances come their way, and they were the first to admit how agonizing it was. Hiding these things just wasn’t within their character. They looked to themselves, their church policies, and everything else under the sun to see HOW this failure could have happened. They wanted to be sure it could never happen again. They wanted everyone else to watch for it as well!
They were the ones that were quick to take the blame, and really own it. They knew their position, and they felt the responsibility. They mourned with those that mourned, and along with that asked for forgiveness. I think most of us realize unless they did the sin themselves it wasn’t ultimately their responsibility, but none the less they owned it. They will be the first to admit they dropped the ball somewhere, and they will point it out…and take their lumps that comes along with it. Notice they aren’t the ones that need the thugs – errrr ‘supporters’ either! At least not in the same way the bouncing ball pastors do!
I would say that most people respond to that type of leadership, because we have all lived similar circumstances yet in different ways. We can empathize with it if nothing else. That is the firm foundation of being able to grow past it. The foundation was firm because there was no bombshell waiting to be the next earthquake to smash it to pieces.
We always struggle with HOW on earth these men in leadership can allow themselves to keep bouncing like a ball, instead of just facing things that God would have them face. I look at the attitude that we clearly see today that was spoken of in scripture so long ago: 42 Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue;43 for they loved human praise more than praise from God.
Here is the entire passage:
John 12:37-43
37 Even after Jesus had performed so many signs in their presence, they still would not believe in him. 38 This was to fulfill the word of Isaiah the prophet:
“Lord, who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?”[a]
39 For this reason they could not believe, because, as Isaiah says elsewhere:
40 “He has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, so they can neither see with their eyes, nor understand with their hearts, nor turn—and I would heal them.”[b]
41 Isaiah said this because he saw Jesus’ glory and spoke about him.
42 Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not openly acknowledge their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue;43 for they loved human praise more than praise from God.
Tragedy will always hit churches at one time or another. Its how we handle this that shows our true faith in God. The truth will help the survival of the church, and hiding things just tears at the organization’s foundation. No doubt everywhere you go you will find the ‘yes men’, and they will hide things even knowing the truth. A leader with integrity will not allow the errors the church made be hidden, because they know God will find a way to heal them.
Yes, that is the harder road to travel. Isn’t that what we hear preached all the time anyway?
When they hide things, and allow their churches to bounce, bounce and bounce again? To me it shows they just don’t get it, and honestly shouldn’t be in the position within the church. It’s bad enough having the deal with the sin all by itself, but breaking the bond of trust towards the position by hiding things? It makes things worse. The eyes are blind, their hearts are hardened.
Then you have those that know better, and would rather play the supporters for these cowards then speak for truth themselves. Both the leadership and their thugs will be the first to attack anyone that questions their way of doing business. They also encourage others to do the same.
What the church doesn’t see is with each bounce they ask members to endure they lose trust, and members leave silently. Secrets kill churches, and individuals faith.
It’s not an easy place to stand up against that type of force, but it is God’s way. At times you lose your place of worship, friends, family, and even your own position.
Truth isn’t always a very easy place to stand with. Gods asks us to anyway. He has a plan, and we must have faith enough to wait on him. He has a plan even when we may not see one. Truth is what sets us free, and a church that plays a bouncing ball just isn’t.
Patriarchy is the ultimate cause of all abuse against women.
This one small sentence sure does pack a punch doesn’t it?
Do I buy that 100%? No. I do think at times patriarchy can be a contributing factor to abuse towards… WELL anyone!
I have family, and I have known families that tend to live by the ‘father rule’. If the sentence, ‘patriarchy is the ultimate cause of all abuse against women’ you would see it in every instance of patriarchy.
You don’t find that to be the case, because not all people view patriarchy as authority and power based.
I’m talking a heart and attitude issue here more than anything. My uncle for example would NEVER use the trump card, ‘I have the last word’ type of thing. He respected and loved his wife to much to even condone such a stand.
I realize some people would think their decision making within their household would come to standstill. Guess what? It didn’t. Matter of fact I’m sure he would scratch his head, and wonder why that even needs to be factor.
When you have an abusive person I do believe there are many issues at work. I don’t believe when we get up close and personal that everyone has the same backgrounds and issues involved. I have mentioned so many times that people are custom, and I do believe when it comes to abusive people? Its no different.
‘Never the twain shall meet’
Have you ever heard that term before? Its Defined as: something that you say when two things or people are so different that they can never exist together or agree with each other.
A great example of this would be feminists, and complementarians. Can you imagine?
One group telling the other they are responsible for the fall of society and are man haters.
Then you have the other side the coined the phrase: Patriarchy is the ultimate cause of all abuse against women.
I mean WHEN have you ever seen them ‘admit’ they agree on anything?! The extremists in both camps would rather be put to death it seems like.
I guess I seem to get more angry at the complementarians, because of their bull headedness towards being right. I’m not saying the feminist’s don’t do that, but complementarians should know better.
Whether or not they like the feminists they are to be Christ like towards them, and they have just as much fun throwing out myths and downright lies about the group overall.
Both groups I have seen use scare tactics, and it personally seems to me Christians are called to be above that.
Since complementarians love the word ‘worldly’? Their behavior shows they are projecting it, and please don’t use the excuse ‘we are all sinners’ okay? Its been going on long enough they should have grasped a clue a while ago and stopped.
There are VOLUMES written on authority and submission – biblical roles for the genders, etc. When it comes to family violence, or domestic violence very little is mentioned at all. Have I seen even a small approach to address this? Yes.
What is sad is then you see video’s like John Piper and Wife submission, and you sit there wondering if they actually believe what they say. Why? It tends to go against the ‘stand on abuse’ that they wrote prior.
Things everyone has to admit
If we look at history, and the treatment of women from the past to the present? No one can deny the abuse that has gone on, and is still present even today. The children suffered as well, because they were at the bottom of the totem pole. I honestly don’t understand why people get defensive about that fact.
We have removed laws that made beating of wives legal, and we have even had past church leaders such as Augustine blame the women if they were being beat. The extremes of the past? We all know there were abuses.
Extreme form today? Look at the middle east. The misogynist attitude has always been around, and its amazing that people wish to deny it.
In the Christian context? How often do we hear if women would do their part properly: Submission, modesty, roles, etc. they wouldn’t get raped, abused and mistreated.
Too often you hear pastors, and female mouth pieces telling women they are to take it with humility. On the other hand, excuses about how people can only take it so long before they lash out with justification.
So for many abusive men, in order to maintain their fragile sense of masculinity, they use physical force to keep their wives in their “proper place” and to squelch all threats to their limited male potency. This dynamic of insecure, powerless men using force to control their wives helps to explain why assault and homicide rates are highest when a woman separates or threatens to separate from an abusive husband or boyfriend. In other words, abusive men must be in control, and threats to their control of the relationship must be dealt with by force if necessary. Physical abusers also tend to employ many other forms of control (verbal threats, control of the finances, control of her relationships, etc.) to dominate and subjugate their
wives.
The fragile sense of self isn’t just based in gender, because women can be dangerous as well when they feel powerless.
No More Justifications
You often read about how its selfish to proclaim your ‘rights’, etc. I firmly believe that is a diversion, because everyone needs a healthy sense of self. Normally, those that are quick to call you selfish are also quick to remind you of others ‘God Ordained’ role, position, etc. It’s a spiritual pixie dust way of proclaiming their ‘rights’.
There is no doubt in my mind that faith in Jesus Christ has moved men and women to be more kind, compassionate, grace filled, and in short transformed their lifes! My uncle I mentioned above was a missionary, and it was clear how Jesus was a primary role in how he lived and treated others.
What seems to be lost on the complementarians is that certain men will use their teachings as justification of power and enforcement. I have seen too many use the excuse that God will transform them, and all will be well with the world! Sadly, after that they encourage their family members to act in ways that would enable the sinful behavior.
I was truly taken back when Shirley Taylor quoted Dorothy Patterson:
Dr. Dorothy Patterson said “Whenever my husband tells me to do something, and even though I know it is wrong, I just have to do it, and he stands accountable before God.” (used by permission Christianity Today 1998)
It seems to me that complementarians have a real problem noting the limits of what they see as men’s authority, and headship. Jesus noted:
Matthew 20:25-28 ISV But Jesus called the disciples and said, "You know that the rulers of the gentiles lord it over them and their superiors act like tyrants over them. (26) That's not the way it should be among you. Instead, whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, (27) and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave. (28) That's the way it is with the Son of Man. He did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many people."
The above scripture doesn’t say that no one can have authority, but it does place limits or boundaries upon the role – even a biblical role.
How often do we hear that truly abusive circumstances are few and far between? Phyllis Schlafly decided since she has never dealt with domestic violence, or know someone involved with domestic violence? If you run into a friend like that – get new FRIENDS!
John Piper attempted to deal with submission and domestic violence, and his example of it? Group sex.
Now how to apply realistic forms of domestic violence in the church when well known pastors aren’t even comfortable talking about it? Seriously. How.
Learn to deal properly with the least of these
It is much more realistic that a wife will face the dilemma of how to respond to a husband’s verbal abuse, harsh punishment of the children, or demeaning treatment. Its all well and good to say you should NOT submit to sin, but at what point does biblical submission allow a wife to go against her husband’s decisions?
John Piper encourages you to come to the church for help, but his ‘example’ using group sex to show how he understands domestic violence in the church? It shows he doesn’t, and people will be afraid to come to the church.
Bruce Ware got into a lot of hot water with his comment:
and their husbands on their part, because they are sinners, now respond to that threat to their authority either by being abusive, which is, of course, one of the ways men can respond when their authority is challenged,
Now if you look at the above quote? Does it show the boundaries of authority, headship, or his biblical role? No. It puts men in a box as well. Bruce Ware decided that if you don’t treat men in the fashion he sees as biblical he will either get abusive or act feminine (laid back).
Keep in mind some complementarians are softer in their beliefs. There are men that truly understand the serving of others.
When you look at history that shows the domination, control, and abuse towards women and children JUST due to gender or position? Then you have silly examples of how the church claims they understand domestic violence in the church by using things like: Group Sex, men get aggressive when a threat to their authority is present, get new friends if know victims, etc?
Why they can’t grasp that the impression that their form of patriarchy can encourage abusive men to take their teachings and run with it? Back off the hatred of feminists, and think about it.
While I don’t agree with, ‘Patriarchy is the ultimate cause of all abuse against women.’ I can certainly understand WHY they get that impression.
They need to point out the boundaries clearly, and speak against those with a low sense of self – that take the teachings and use them as competition. It doesn’t mean I’m on top and you are below me. I’m in control and you are to follow me. You are to do as I say, when I say and how I say – or else I have the biblical justification as HEAD to make you remember WHO is in charge!
If complementarians can’t admit that happens? Which sadly, they seem to think NOT so much – the fear will remain towards them as NOT being safe.
Formulating lies and scare tactics towards feminism is just going to cement that fear even more firmly.
The bible does state how to deal with the ‘least of these’, and so far? They have completely missed the target.
John Patterson - Governor of Alabama (approx 20 minutes into program)
These people are going town-to-town getting off the bus, and seeking trouble through mixed groups. Negro men and white women trying to force themselves into situations, which tend to inflame the local people, and in such a manner to incense them and to enrage them and provoke them into acts of violence. That's what they have done.
When you watch the show Freedom Riders you will notice that the southerners make excuses for their behavior.
Black and white – men and women – were asking to be able to ride together on buses, and wanting to sit together in waiting areas. The southerners were inflamed and enraged over the fact that these AGITATORS don’t take the Jim Crows laws seriously!
I can’t even imagine how completely scared the agitators were. I know for myself my stomach would be doing flip-flops at the very least.
There were those that agreed with the principal they stood for, but honestly thought they were nuts to take it this far! WHY would you purposely walk into a line of fire that you KNOW may get you killed!
People place themselves in harms way all the time for PRINCIPAL! It was the correct, moral, and ethical, truly compassionate human principle they were standing on.
It takes guts to stand there, and take the abuse that was given in return. THAT is what they truly did! It was the choice of the southerners to react with violence.
The Repeating Theme of History
We know that now, but honestly? The theme tends to repeat itself over and over in history. It plays out in different ways, but this theme of ‘they made me do it’ is always present.
Like they were always on guard thinking that
we are going to do something to him
- while they were doing it to us.
I watched the Freedom Riders last night on PBS. I have to say I was terribly moved.
I don't think the younger generation can truly understand how ugly those attitudes were back then. Don't get me wrong in saying bigotry is a thing of the past - its not.
Have we forgotten today how much non violence had moved a nation not even a generation ago? At times I wonder.
You watched blacks and whites - male and female - go directly into the line of fire. You watched how mobs of people allowed their hate and fear turn to violence.
They had the control, and they will tell you that their Negros liked it that way. Sound familiar? The world wasn't going to tell them how they should treat those under them. They were happy with the status quo, and they spoke for 'their' blacks as well telling the world they were content as well.
When you are raised with this belief, and it is encouraged and lived as much as possible? It amazes me how much people will just accept it. I have no doubt that even some 'Negros' as they were labeled believed in their inferior status, but that is NOT to say some or even MOST believed that lie.
If you were in the south you got killed for stepping out of line, or maimed at the very least. I'm not saying the North were not bigots as well, because we all know they are all over even today.
Jocelyn Andersen has a book, 'Woman this is War' in which she looks at past history to challenge the gender roles. If you see this documentary (Freedom Riders) you can clearly see Jocelyn's points in her book. Its like history trying the same old tired excuses, but focuses in a different direction of gender now.
Instead of calling people feminists? They were called, "Agitators". Why were they called that? They felt that people should be able to sit where they wished on the bus. The 'Negros' were to sit in the back of the bus. They were not allowed to use the same facilities, or water fountains.
They were to be 'separate but equal' as the saying went to keep the systems of segregation. The law stated the separation would exist as long as you had equal facilities for each. We all know that didn't happen.
You hear the whites claim that this system has been in place for hundreds of years, and its just the way the whites like it - and blacks like it as well. After all, they claim 'the whites are the best friend a negro has!" If you give him a chance (the white man) he will even show you, and tell you about his benevolence towards 'their' Negros. Makes you sick doesn't it?
Agitators
It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact I grew up in this period. There was so much toxic hate. My parents were part of the 'agitators' group, and they raised my brother and I to be agitators as well. White agitators were the worse kind according to the 'normal red blooded' whites. We were traitors and a disgrace to our race.
Here is a quote that truly hit home for me from the movie. There were many others, but it rang true for today in the world of 'equal in value, but differing roles'.
We dealt with violence everyday in the south.
They didn't treat us like we were human.
They treated us like we were vicious animals.
Like they were always on guard thinking that we are going to do something to them - while they were doing it to us.
The sentence I underlined? That is called projection. You project your sins to others.
I received a comment, and additional issues started to pop into my head. How regular advice turns into actual enabling of the abusive relationship. Here is the excellent comment in question.
Hannah, a supportive friend sent me that article before I left my abusive relationship. At that time, I was thrilled that a Christian article endorsed separation, because my advice was that I could not or should not separate.
But reading another article on the site (gotquestions.org) about divorce for abuse concerned me. Although there isn't anywhere to respond or comment, there are contact details so you can write to them. That's what I did, and my concerns were exactly what you referred to. It is incredible how people dismiss the experience of the abused victim and deny her the right to judge or observe the abusers' changes. Her safety is also discounted, with the recommendation to reconcile taking priority as soon as things look "safe". There is no acknowledgment of the abusive cycle, or the manipulative tactics involved.
But the great thing is that I saw the recommendation for that book and being new to all of this, I was hungry. One thing led to another, and I slowly gained more information and insight to abusive behavior, and eventually separated.
Thanks for your post - if only more people challenged the type of thinking propagated by that article.
Thank you Anonymous!
If there is one thing I see over and over again on advice to victims is to 'think the best' of their abuser.
Concentrate on the good things.
Look at the positives.
I think you get my drift here.
Victim Mindset
The victim mindset is normally geared to 'think about the positive' aspects of their abuser. At times they go to great lengths to place themselves in a negative light JUST so their abuser is thought about in a better one.
They are willing throw themselves 'under the bus' as the saying goes for the benefit of the abuser.
People that claim they understand the power and control aspect of domestic violence within the church? They tend to take the assets and debits at face value. They don't see this as part of the cycle, and yet again they show how little they truly do know.
What people tend to do when victims point out NOT so nice things about their partner? They apply stereotypes towards them. They are being to negative, and can't think of nice things to say. They need to take their 'black and white' view of things off for a moment, and stop viewing things as they are cutting the spouse down, being negative, etc.
If everyone has to be so 'nicey nice' all the time is it any wonder why people don't go to the church before things get really bad?
People get so caught up with this 'preconceived' ideas that if someone states one thing in frustration or anger they are half the issue. They aren't thinking enough of the good traits of the spouse. Victims like most people will either 'own' the fact they are awful person for even showing that 'disrespect', or will get defensive because most people only hear and deal with one nasty portion they mentioned and nothing else.
It may seem easy to most to 'stick' to negative thinking about your spouse, because we hear church ranting and raving about that all the time. Victims at times will actually do this as well, but if you look beyond the surface stuff? The coping mechanism most of the time is doing just the opposite - think the best and make excuses for them. They may at times voice their frustration, but most of the time their 'self talk' goes in the opposite direction.
Victims throw out surface stuff to see what the reaction will be. It like sticking your toe into the water to see how COLD it is!
They are a good parent, but when they drink they get nasty.
They are good spouse, but tend to be very jealous if someone even looks at me - or I at them.
The reactions I see a lot:
Are you both Christians? Have you spoke to your pastor? Are you counseling? What is your definition of 'drink to much'? Is their infidelity in your past, and is that why they are jealous? Are they stressed at work? What are doing to serve your partner so they don't go there in their thoughts? You need to make sure you don't concentrate to much on the bad stuff, and remember they are good parent and spouse! If you spend to much time in the negative aspects you will be come hard hearted, and you will make them react worse!
Ever notice how advice tends to border line encouragement of codependency?
Alot of the times victims have a hard time even getting to 'but' part of the sentence, and when they are brave enough to finally do that? People around them already have this 'image' of the abusive person in their head, and they just can't fathom that the extreme negative aspects that victims tend to 'hint' at.
You said they were a good parent/spouse, so maybe you are taking this to far!
WAFFLING
Waffling is a term people use about victims going back and forth over being 'angry' at their circumstance, or feeling 'sorry' for the abuser. We all need empathy, but victims tend to take it to far. If they would just be 'nicer' or 'more understanding' the abuser won't abuse.
If I follow the recommendations of the police that filed a restraining order? My partner will get more depressed. They will get angry with me. They may lose their job. I just want someone to help me, and to help them! If I would have just kept my mouth shut that night he/she wouldn't have been arrested, and I wouldn't be in this place. I made things worse. What happens with the children? They are scared, but they love him/her also. They may blame me. Is it my fault? Why does he/she do this?
What they miss is balance. They are so confused that they are indecisive and can't make up their minds.
This may be a trait that some have had all their lifes in dealing with relationships, or the abuser fostered this to use to their advantage. Waffling is helpful the abuser, because it is a aspect they can use to get themselves off the hook regarding accountability. Doubt is a aspect abusers use as a weapon, and have no problems turning it around to their advantage.
People may be incapable of decisions at the beginning, but with help and support that can turn around.
People that try to help support victims and their families tend to miss the 'waffling' aspect of this.
Its a lingering aspect that is part of the power and control cycle that people claim they understand, and this is one aspect where they show their ignorance by not connecting the dots.
The waffling is a by product of the abusive relationship, and a tool the abuser used to keep them in their 'place'. Abusive people will use this to their advantage, because confusion can easily be used as a 'power over' aspect.
Think only the Best of Them!
This is another red hot area people completely dismiss within the abusive relationships. "Thinking the Best of Them' has been used as a coping mechanism for the relationship itself. Victims use this all the time just to be able to deal with their reality. They forever are making up excuses for their abusers actions, and only focusing on the positive in order to live in denial with all they have within them.
Thinking the best of someone can be enabling instead of helpful to victims. This advice is good when you are dealing with a healthy couple, but with an abusive one? You are asking the victim to use a coping tool they have used for a long time, because mentioning anything BUT the good can be dangerous.
They may have brought up things in the past 'softly', and it was turned around on them. Abusers show them - because they are incapable processing anything negative about themselves - that they brought things up wrong, its actually the victim issue not them, or if you don't like it get f*ck out!
Helping parties don't realize their 'Think the best of Them' is received the same way. You have now placed them in the corner, and they are ready for the attack.
In it's true form, Enabling behavior means something positive. It's our natural instinct to reach out and help someone we love when they are down or having problems.
However, when we apply it to certain problems in living - domestic violence, financial trouble, codependency, certain forms of chronic depression -- enabling behaviors have the reverse effect of what is intended.
Victims tend to 'look for the good aspects' so they don't have to deal with the ones that are dangerous.
Victims don't need to 'think the best of them', because they could hand you volumes of information on that subject.
They need help with dealing with the not so nice parts.
They can give you all kinds of excuses for the behavior as well, because it has been drilled into them. The Abuser's bad childhood, their drug, drink, or p#rn habits. They have an awful boss, and their family doesn't cooperate. Abusers basically drill into victims they are the 'true victims'. They can't help themselves. The victims role is to make their world safe and comfortable - anything less? They failed at their job once again.
To think the BEST of them is another advantage people hand over to the abuser with the power and control cycle.
The abusers will tell them they don't think enough of the GOOD stuff, and their behavior is the end product of that. They basically hint that even others know victims are pushing their buttons, and why can't they grasp their abusive behavior is a reaction to such.
If you would THINK the best of me like everyone says? You would forgive and forget! Since you can never do that you are actually 'abusing' me! Don't you ever think of anyone but yourself? Everyone knows how selfish you are!
People assume because they can identify the difference EVERYONE can! They don't apply the 'abusive dynamic mindset', and use normal healthy thinking instead.
When parties that wish to help they must place the normal family dynamics to the side. There is always an ugly twist to those that abusers use to their advantage, and you will miss your opportunity if you can't separate the two.
Waffling and "Thinking the best of them" are tools of survival within the abusive relationship. People not able to identify the unhealthy use of these aspects? They will not help anyone, but will allow the abuser to have the upper hand once again.
I was watching a very interesting video clip on youtube that someone had pointed out. Paul was speaking with the church in Corinth. I'm sure most of us realize at that point there was no actual church building, and services were held in different places. It must have been an exciting and scary time all bundled into one.
1 Corinthians 14:23-25 GNB (23) If, then, the whole church meets together and everyone starts speaking in strange tongues---and if some ordinary people or unbelievers come in, won't they say that you are all crazy? (24) But if everyone is proclaiming God's message when some unbelievers or ordinary people come in, they will be convinced of their sin by what they hear. They will be judged by all they hear, (25) their secret thoughts will be brought into the open, and they will bow down and worship God, confessing, "Truly God is here among you!"
I have to admit I think Paul has a point here. Can you imagine being invited to learn more about Christianity, and you walk into the gathering placing with chaos going on?
Among this group of people everyone is doing their own thing at the same time!
IN THIS CORNER - you have people speaking languages you don't understand!
IN the other CORNER - you have people praying and stating what God is doing in their life!
IN the center of the ring - you have people SINGING his praises!
Not very inviting is it? I can see how people would think they are all crazy. ALL these people doing their own thing at the same time - chaos!
Paul spoke about how this group in Corith needs to worship in an orderly fashion, so that those within the worship circle - and those newcomers can be edified, uplifted, and understand what God wishes to reveal to them.
1 Corinthians 14:26-31 GNB (26) This is what I mean, my friends. When you meet for worship, one person has a hymn, another a teaching, another a revelation from God, another a message in strange tongues, and still another the explanation of what is said. Everything must be of help to the church. (27) If someone is going to speak in strange tongues, two or three at the most should speak, one after the other, and someone else must explain what is being said. (28) But if no one is there who can explain, then the one who speaks in strange tongues must be quiet and speak only to himself and to God. (29) Two or three who are given God's message should speak, while the others are to judge what they say. (30) But if someone sitting in the meeting receives a message from God, the one who is speaking should stop. (31) All of you may proclaim God's message, one by one, so that everyone will learn and be encouraged.
To me he is saying everyone must take turns.
If someone is nudged by the Holy Spirit to speak in tongues, then someone must interpret to the others what is being said. If no one can interpret what is being said they are asked to be silent, and speak only to God at that point. Paul earlier in this chapter mentioned the reasons why this is done. The worship is for the benefit of all in attendance, and if you can't understand what the person is saying? What benefit are you receiving? The Holy Spirit may be working in this person, but if you can't understand the message?
Everyone is encouraged to speak, and share one by one so that the group as a whole is edified, uplifted, and encouraged.
1 Corinthians 14:32-35 GNB (32) The gift of proclaiming God's message should be under the speaker's control, (33) because God does not want us to be in disorder but in harmony and peace. As in all the churches of God's people, (34) the women should keep quiet in the meetings. They are not allowed to speak; as the Jewish Law says, they must not be in charge. (35) If they want to find out about something, they should ask their husbands at home. It is a disgraceful thing for a woman to speak in a church meeting.
The final portion of this scripture has been questioned over and over. It tends to contradict Paul's message though out the bible, and in this section of scripture as well. Why would Paul said everyone need to take turns sharing with the group so they can learn and be uplifted - then say only means PART of the crowd that has gathered can do so?
One interesting note I took from the video was there was no law of submission at the time. For me personally? I thought of Ephesians 5. That references submission right? I found the problem with that is Ephesians had not even been written yet. It would be at least 5-7 years down the road before it was written. It was also interesting that there was no law about submission of women mentioned in the bible prior, and that for people causes confusion about this verse.
They had mentioned that this portion of scripture is placed in different spots in different manuscripts they had found for scripture as well. So was it intended to be placed here in the first place? Why would he encourage everyone to share, and then say to the women to be silent? There are plenty of theories.
To me one makes more sense when you view the nature of God, Jesus, and YES even Paul! Paul speaks of order, and states that one person that is nudged by the Holy to either speak in tongues, prophecy, edify, etc you are to take turns. If one speaks in tongues and no one can interpret? Be silence. It could mean that next time you get together for worship if you are nudged again someone WILL be able to interpret, and all can benefit from this. It certainly doesn't mean sit down and hush forever!
I was reading a story from someone that had family in China, and they were missionaries. This was a time in history when the Chinese women were kept at home, and their feet were bound for vanity purposes. When the family came to hear the worship service these women didn't understand the Etiquette of worship. They would be speaking to other women during the service to catch up on things. Yes it was chaos! When the worship service was finished? A family member of the missionaries said something along the lines of, "WOW we are back in the Corith Church!"
I'm sure at the time some women understood the etiquette of worship, and others didn't know this. I know at first when I learned about this I was thinking mostly Jewish women would be in attendance. They had been in their section within the temples, and had viewed a form of etiquette. I didn't stop to think about the fact they welcomed Gentiles at that point. You had people from all walks of life attending these worship gatherings. Some of course wouldn't have the first clue about etiquette of worship, and I can understand WHY they would ask them to be silent due to the chaos they would cause.
It was the same principal I had for my children when we were at church, and the bread and the wine were being presented. I wanted to make sure my children understood WHY this was being done, and made sure they KNEW what they were doing. I'm sure it looked FUN from the outside to them, but they needed to understand the meaning before I allowed them to participate. They needed to be old enough to grasp this. That was important to me, and I'm sure when they were young they didn't quite understand why MOM wasn't allowing them to participate in this 'fun time' at church. I wanted them to be mature enough to understand. It was more than, 'WOW we get to eat bread and drink grape juice this morning!"
Anyway, it would make sense to me that until these women understand how to function within worship gatherings they were to keep silent. I don't believe that Paul meant that women were to keep silent always, because we see women in the bible mentioned participating in ways they couldn't if they had to keep silent.
I realize some today use this verse to say if women do participate - and not be silent - THEY are in charge. This is just plain silly. Paul was asking people to take turns, and there wasn't anyone 'in charge' in that sense. The principal to me for this worship was to grow in the faith, and not be IN charge. They were there to edify each other, and to be led by the Holy Spirit. Paul speaks in different places in the bible about women sharing and teaching the faith, and it wasn't about a power struggle as most like to present it. It was to learn and to grow in the faith, and how much more important is that compared to some human realm of power.
This passage in scripture was speaking more on the orderly fashion that the worshipers should follow so that chaos didn't erupt, and also that people were not using the church for their own personal gains. It speaks more about that, but there are those that tend to just concentrate on 'woman need to be silent and sit down'.
If you think about that part? They truly need to check their heart! It tends to be more out of selfish motive, and its clear when they open their mouths to explain this passage. Their motive is also spoken about in this passage. When the Holy Spirit is moving inside of an individual, and it is shared? God is blessing us with this message, and it is from HIM that it comes. It truly has nothing to do with gender.
I was writing about Mary Kassian presentation, "You've come a long way Baby!" from the '08 True Women's Conference. Part Four I am going to breeze through quickly.
She used a good example of what Consciousness raising was. That is where she left off the last time.
Consciousness-raising was actually a political technique used by the revolutionary army of Mao Tse-tung. His slogan was, “Speak bitterness to recall bitterness. Speak pain to recall pain.” To promote discord and instability in a village, his political revolutionaries would call the townswomen together and get them to talk about their hurts. “Come tell me about the hurts that you've experienced.”
So the women were encouraged to speak bitterness and pain, and the initial reluctance gave way to collective anger as woman after woman told stories of being raped by landlords, being sold as concubines, or physical abuse. As women vented their bitterness, they experienced a newfound strength and resolve that empowered them to corporate action.
For example, in one village, a peasant man was physically pummeled to a pulp and attacked by an entire group of women because he hadn't been treating his wife well. Together, the women found the strength to act and to confront their situation and the resolve to be active in forcing change, and that is how Mao Tse-tung got his revolution.
The man in the story about getting plummeled by a group of women made headlines. Being raped by landlords, sold as concubines, or being physically abuse doesn't.
Yes this makes the point of how things were very one-sided very well I thought.
The one-sided entitlements were also spoken about here with Consciousness-raising groups, and just like the army of Mao Tse-tung were aware of this circumstance (why else would he use it) it was also brought to light here. Its very true it grew like wildfire just like the Faberge commercial. "And she told two friends...and she told two friends...and so on and so on and so on". Men, Women and Children started to talk about why things were so one sided, and what Mary Kassian doesn't seem to speak about is how everyone KNEW it as well.
I was reading an article called, "Why it is so hard to be broken in church?" When I was looking the title of this blog post? I'm sure people could up with volumes of items that would not be proper to speak of in church.
Danny Silk said:
For whatever reason, we’ve come to expect that church is a place where there isn’t going to be any sin. It is just not true. If we don’t know how to deal with sin, then we don’t know how to deal with people.
We inevitably create a culture of law in order to keep people from sinning. The message of this culture is, “Contain your sin within yourself. Don’t show it to me; I can’t handle it.” Remember, this was the Pharisees’ line. They were famous for being afraid of sin, largely due to the fact that the only remedy for sin in their day was various degrees of punishments. The fear of punishment ruled their hearts, relationships, and culture.
Jesus, on the other hand, had a group of unlikely companions. They were the thieves, tax collectors, and the hookers of the day. Compared to the other religious leaders at the time, He was like “Jesus of Vegas.” He was not in the least afraid of messes people made in their lives, and of letting them happen around Him. Even the people who spent three years walking personally with Jesus were still making messes the night of His crucifixion. But ultimately, His love and the way He led people empowered them to rise above their mistakes and issues.
What he mentioned does give us something to chew on doesn't it?
I think at times people get so caught up in looking at Laws instead of people. At times we tend to go to such ridiculous lengths for these laws. I remember once reading a debate about how a church goer that saw one of their pastors in a restaurant with friends. This pastor decided to have a beer with his dinner, and you would have thought all hell broke loose once that beer touched his lips.
Did this pastor get drunk? No. He had a beer with his dinner. You had people talking about how they never drank, how they were rescued from drink, how his 'behavior' would cause others to stumble, how he should be like them and have the conviction of no drink...it went on and on.
The pastor only had ONE beer with his DINNER!
We inevitably create a culture of law in order to keep people from sinning.
Did the pastor sin with having a beer with dinner? No. The attitude in the debate was better never have a beer either - just in case. If you do? I swear these people wanted to ride this pastor out on a rail! Why? He could have sinned! The opportunity was there! I don't drink JUST be make sure that stumbling block isn't an issue. What is WRONG with you that you can't do the same? SOMEONE could have SAW you, and what messages does that send?
I don't have an issue with people that don't partake. Its no skin off my nose if a pastor has a beer with this dinner either.
What is the one thing you can't say in Church? I had a beer with my dinner.
The author of the article said:
Fear was obviously there. Shame. Rejection. But those feelings were more of the why people didn’t speak up more often.
I was looking for the what.
What did things like poverty and being gay and worship and money and porn and sex and depression and abuse have in common?
One night in December, seven months later, it hit me:
Brokenness.
Whether it’s as a result of sin, or fear of the response we’ll get by speaking up about something like politics or relationships or mental health in a broken world, it all boiled down to brokenness.
And if this fracture in whatever part of our lives threatens our reputation, our character or our dignity, we hide.
If something in our spiritual life is broken or is confusing to us, we hide.
If a relationship is broken, we hide.
If there’s an unhealthy habit we fall back on, we hide.
If there’s a controversial political or social issue confronting us, we hide.
We ultimately want to hide what’s broken, whether it occurs individually or in a community. The Bible is filled with broken people, most of whom at some point or another tried to cover up their brokenness. Yet it seems like the people who are the most broken, the most helpless, are the people God often uses the most.
The culture of fear is something that most places of worship will not admit is present. I'm sure most look to themselves as the hospital for sinners. On the other hand, some will admit that is present...but not in my church.
There is a facade that is asked to be displayed, and when that happens the 'real sinners' will hide. You know WHOM the 'real sinners' are? ALL of us! I have held back saying things at times, because of fear of the reaction I would get.
I have read other people's stories, feelings, and circumstances on faith boards online? I remember thinking to myself, "Oh bother! HERE is comes!" Sure enough the lectures came, and what seemed to be missing as tact for one thing.
When domestic violence within the church comes up? You get speeches on how you need to 'train' yourself not to do things you know will trigger someone else. How are to put yourself completely out there, and remember you can't 'control' the other person.
We inevitably create a culture of law in order to keep people from sinning.
If you are dealing with adultery or porn addiction? They ask if you handed up enough sex to your partner! When they mention their drive has gone down they are reminded that their bodies do not belong to them. They ask you HOW you went about making sure your spouse felt loved, honored, and cherished. If you mention one thing out of honestly that could have been neglected? Its strange how all other factors are moot from that point on. They didn't follow the formula, and must take responsibility for part of what happened.
We inevitably create a culture of law in order to keep people from sinning.
Yet it seems like the people who are the most broken, the most helpless, are the people God often uses the most.
Its funny how we never stop long enough to notice huh?
I wonder why people will not acknowledge there are things you can't say in church. How the 'rules' encourage them not to, and how they seem to wish to control the outcome.
I have been reading opinions about the latest Eminem song, called, "Love The Way You Lie". (Video Link highlighted)
Some people say they 'get' the song, and others feel it glamorizes domestic violence. I found a short interview with Rihanna, and the part that bothered me is her almost childlike response, "I wanted to be part of a HIT!"
I tried for a number of weeks to figure out WHERE the attraction was for this song, and how it is strange that none of them (Characters in the video) truly try to explain the message behind it. Rihanna got the snot kicked out of her, and I can't believe that she would truly wish to 'glamorize' what happened to her.
WELL below is my STAB at a theory!
Lets look at the chorus of the song:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
This is the first part I think some are truly bothered by. WHY would she said such a thing? I like the way it hurts? I like the way you lie? Huh?
To me personally? It sounds like opinions towards victims of domestic violence from society. She must like it or why wouldn't she leave? She must have done something to trigger him like that! She isn't innocent after all.
I'm talking about how those justifications we read about after she got beat up, and had to listen to people justifying Chris Brown actions towards her. She PUSHED him to beat her.... right? Abusers for the most part are out for themselves, and in their sick viewpoints towards the relationship? Watching her cry or burn isn't something that moves them in reality.
For the chorus she is playing the part that society had labeled her with. I'm not talking ALL of us, but the ones that stood up for Chris Brown in a fashion that justified what he did to her. How she pushed his buttons, and she loves the way he lies. Why else would she stay in a relationship with him? RIGHT?!
maybe he was defending himself against her
WHY YALL ON RIHANNA SIDE HE HIT HER FOR A REASON SHE MIGHT HAVE DID SUMTHIN TO **** HIM OFF OR PUSH HIM TO HIS LIMIT
im guessing that rhianna hit him first and if she did, then she got what she deserved.
We have heard cruel attitudes towards victims, and maybe Rihanna is playing the part they asked her to in the chorus. It was the opinion of society towards her, and it shows to THEM at least she has twisted thoughts towards the relationship as well.
I read an article recently on Christianity Today, about a man I think most of us have heard of. Do you remember Mister Rogers?
I remember when I was young my mother had us watch his show, and told us that he was a Presbyterian minister. The picture was an Album my parents got us one year, and the rectangle shown in the picture was a mirror. You looked in the mirror on the cover, and Mister Rogers was reminding you how special you were once again. I was a little old for the album, but I remember using it when I babysat.
Mister Rogers reminds me of the scripture: Blessed are the Meek, for they shall inherit the earth. His message not only to children, but to everyone was 'accept everyone for who they are'.
To me it wasn't just lip service for him, and as I was looking on Youtube I saw an interview with on the Rosie O'Donnell show. Rosie is controversial on many realms, but has a big heart for children. When I saw the interview I could just hear many Christians saying, "I don't know if I would go on her show. It might be seen as endorsing her lifestyle (She is a Lesbian) !" His grace filled nature just shined through, and his kindness wasn't just for show. It was who he was towards everyone.
Lady Elaine
I was watching an interview with him as well, and he spoke of the stereotype we hear about 'how men should be' when it comes to showing their feelings. We have all heard the sayings right? Men don't cry! Men don't get emotional! Society wanted men to be STUFFERS, and he mentioned that he used to use music to allow those feelings to surface. If he was upset, sad, happy whatever it was he could freely show them with his music. He mentioned it never hurt anyone.
He found an acceptable way of doing this, and he was very clear about how this gift came from God. He was able to throw off the society's rules, and show his feelings. His wife mentioned that it takes a certain amount of courage to tell his feelings. How he has been liberated for a very long time, and she was sure there were many men that would very much like to me that way.
...Because if you are trusted then people will allow you to share their inner garden with you. What greater gift? - Fred Rogers
What does it mean to be MEEK?
I think there are so many people that look upon the word as a sort of weakness. Someone that is naive, and easy to run over. Someone silly and maybe not all that intelligent. I guess they seem to think of maybe children's show like Winnie the Pooh or Sponge Bob.
Daniel the Tiger
There is talk about how RIGHT is MIGHT now days, and how men aren't allowed to be MEN anymore. I also think people get the wrong idea about men that are filled to the brim with the Holy Spirit, and their gentle nature is taken as 'feminized' today. Most define the word as mild mannered, spine-less, weak, submissive, subservient, passive…ineffective.
To me in today's culture we get so CAUGHT up in placing everything into 'roles', or categories of 'male and female' that we seem to miss something very important.
Jesus was meek, and you have to wonder if they ever stopped to think MAYBE they have the wrong impression of the word meek. The definition of meek I guess is hard, because it has many aspects to it. Its a multi faceted word, and maybe that is why people don't understand it. I know if they truly knew the meaning? I doubt pushover would come to mind.
ANGER
Lets take how a person would approach anger! I think we all know that the bible states we can be angry, but do not sin in that anger. Anger can be a selfish response to the world and other people. We feel angry when we feel don’t get our way or we feel like we are not being noticed.
The meek get angry, but they are angry for the right reasons. Some things in this life should make you angry.
When someone does something to hurt someone else, or you…the proper response is anger! When we encounter injustice, prejudice, and hatred it causes righteous anger inside us, which helps us have the courage to strive towards change at times!
The meek have more self control when it comes to anger if you wish to compare them to most. They seem to understand this passage in James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
I'm sure we are all familiar with this passage, but lets look at one sentence again! "for man's anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires." Human anger rarely accomplishes divine purposes does it? The wrong type of anger is prevalent back then, and of course it is still today!
The Trolley to the Land of Make Believe
The meek don’t confuse their own immature, angry responses to life as God’s anger.
You hear to often people comparing their angry to that of God's. James says that human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness. People feel since they are angry so is GOD! The meek know the difference and seek to focus on God’s anger rather than their own. We want to GO with that anger, and the meek have enough self control to focus on God's!
When I think about that? God gave them a WHOLE lot of inner strength! Strength that is disciplined, strength that is truly strong, and strength that God wishes us all to have. People say the meek are: mild mannered, spine-less, weak, submissive, subservient, passive…ineffective. If we look at how those deal with angry compared to how God wishes them to? We have to realize WHOM is truly the weak ones!
Gentleness
The Strength of the Lion, and the Gentleness of the Lamb. That is what I think of when I think of the second aspect of meek. It takes great strength to deal with anger the way God would ask us to, and yet he also asks us to be gentle.
Gentleness doesn't mean wimpy by any means. Indeed, this characteristic will largely determine how much peace and contentment are in our lives and how well we do during trials.
To often we get the message in this world of, 'Blessed are the strong, who can hold their own.'
“Gentleness” forces us to take inventory of our attitudes and behaviors. It expresses itself in our attitudes toward God, ourselves and how we treat others.
A humble attitude toward God and others makes us gentle, humble, sensitive and patient in our dealings with others.
The Holy Spirit enables us to over come these worldly behaviors. For example, "Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, depravity, idolatry, sorcery, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish rivalries, dissensions, factions, envying, murder, drunkenness, carousing, and similar things. I am warning you, as I had warned you before: Those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God!" (Galatians 5:19-21) To overcome these passions and behaviors we need more than self-control. We need God’s help! God can indeed help us in this area.
There is an aspect to Mister Rogers that always gentle. He was a very intelligent man, and it seems no matter whom he ran into in life they were special to him. Watch a video of his introduction prior to winning an award.
He was very approachable, and YES people trusted their inner most thoughts and feelings to him. Today some would call that 'feminine', and yet its very healthy for everyone to have someone 'safe' to speak with regarding our inner thoughts if we feel led to.
He also wasn't one that you have to place some 'acting role' out there in order to do this. To often you see people wanting to play this 'role' of goodness, gentleness, etc that is so fake in church, and yet when you meet the real them outside the doors of the church their personality is completely different.
Its not BAD to me, but shows how people can't be real at times. People don't feel comfortable coming to the church with problems the church claims you should when their is an atmosphere is having to deal with things within an acting role.
Today I suppose they would call that an aspect of 'feminizing' the church, but has been there for longer than I can remember. No one can truly be the 'real you' within the atmosphere of the church, but instead have this list of acceptable 'roles' instead. People feel stifled, and since most of us don't fill the role that is placed out there? It almost makes you feel ashamed. Not good enough. Not filling the mark. It doesn't make the church feel safe and approachable. Mister Rogers didn't present that road block. He was genuine, and wanted to see and accept the real you.
That's not feminine, but how God would wish us to all strive for. Today it seems we are to busy looking for aspects to slam others with instead. Mister Rogers wanted to look for the good, and accepted YOU as a unique special creature of God. To me? That's refreshing! People don't have to do this the Mister Rogers way, and I have wonder if there are so few examples out there that is HOW we get to thinking: I don't want to be some man with sweaters, bow ties, and sing to children like he does! THINK outside the BOX people!
On February 28, 2003, the day after Fred's death from stomach cancer at age seventy-four, I published an essay in the Star-Telegram describing our unlikely friendship. For the next several days I was inundated with hundreds of letters, e-mails, and telephone messages from newspaper readers eager to share their own memories of Mister Rogers, and the impact he and his long-running children's program had on their lives. Scores of young adults wrote of the sense of security they felt growing up with him, of learning from Mister Rogers about their own value and what it meant to love. Parents wrote of entrusting their children to Mister Rogers for a half hour each day; the kindly, wise, civilizing influence in a world increasingly bereft of kindness, wisdom, and civility.
As I answered those messages, I was pleased to assure the readers that Fred Rogers and Mister Rogers were indeed one and the same, that in real life Fred was as he appeared on television, the gentle embodiment of goodness and grace.
People poked fun at him due to his view of life, and how he wished to treat others. His wife doesn't give me the impression of someone that wore the pants in the family, but she was showing her true respect towards him. I learned the sweaters that he wore were presents that his mother 'hand made' just for him each Christmas. He didn't have to talk down to people, but could acknowledge their pain. He would be the first to say he still loves them despite their faults. He was very slow to judge.
Jesus had a gentle nature to him. It may at first seem impractical, foolish and even wild, but Jesus was no sentimental dreamer who dealt in empty platitudes either. He was an unflinching realist who has given us a great key to prosperity and dominion under God's purpose. YES in ways he was different in some ways from Mister Rogers. People can do 'gentle' in different ways. What is true of both is they were easy to approach, and save to be with. They were easy to share with, and you could count on the grace towards you. Can you imagine either of them saying you have problem with biblical roles, authority of men, you must be a feminist? That's certainly wasn't their priority in life was it?
Mr. McFelly - Speedy Delivery!
People that are meek used their strength, but also was done cautiously. Just because you can does not mean that you should!
Being able to push others around or force things usually has the opposite result than the one you imagined or planned. The exercise of strength must be judicious, or it can cause more resentment and ill will than any problem it forces to bend to its desire.
To often people don't stop to think of that, and their urge to just tell them how 'ungodly' they are seems to be the norm. When someone tells you if you have problem with the message GO talk to GOD? Does that cause a desire to truly do that the way they intended, or see them as they are..a blow hard!
They say the world can't handle the truth? Yet, they truly need to stop and listen, read scripture again, and maybe take a look at ourselves.
We all know what it is like to have someone use their strength in that way… the overbearing boss, the school yard bully, the older brother or sister, the cop who has let their authority become a license to push rough shod over reason...or to show off at the expense of others!
We see it in churches when people NEEDING to remind others of 'whom is in authority' within their homes. Think about who Mister Rogers concentrated on when it came to authority! It wasn't about HIM, but about God! Mister Rogers could laugh at himself, but had enough inner validation not worry about feelings of others thinking he wasn't a 'true man'.
Who was accepting the truth and whom wasn't? We are to busy pushing agendas, and proving our points. We are to busy showing others THIS is what scripture means, and if you can't accept it you are out of God's will! You see arrogance and not people that are approachable. What happened to a gentle nature being an asset? Now we call it feminized.
Humility
Here are some sayings we maybe familiar with! "You can't teach an old dog new tricks!" or "it is hard to teach a person who knows it all already".
A person who is meek knows that they are gifted, talented, intelligent, but they attribute these gifts to their creator rather than taking credit for it themselves. Mister Rogers always spoke of the gifts others gave to him to enrich his life. He was very gifted, very talented, and as I mentioned very intelligent. He always attributed those gifts from God, and the blessings of the gifts from others enriched his life. He was always looking to learn MORE as well!
Many people have the wrong idea about God, the Bible and humility. They seem to think being humble means groveling in front of others, or thinking we're no good and others are good. I guess people like to take things to the extreme, but the humble person can view balance in life. The bible pictures a humble nature as someone that is free from pride and arrogance. To me a humble person KNOWS who they are in Christ, and also knows that in the flesh they are inadequate.
Scripture says the humble person is the peace maker. They walk in life not by their own 'personal power', but walk humbling in life with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. The humility that God grants you if you ask him also shows you that you can be comfortable with WHO you are in the Lord, and show this by putting others first. Loving others as God asks us all to do is not being a wimp. 'Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.' Phil 2:3
This so goes against what is seen in the world. It does against all the stereotypes that culture places out there. People take it to the extreme, and it make it sound like you can never make any decisions for yourself.
Lets look at Mister Rogers acceptance speech of a Lifetime Achievement award that he received. YES he did thank all those that contributed to his life, but he also showed others how to place those before himself.
The Meek will inherit the Earth
People seem to look at that statement, and wonder HOW that can be so? People mistake it seems to me as a 'female' trait. They seem to be looking at something that truly isn't there. William Barclay adds that meekness is "the most untranslatable of words in the New Testament". I can believe it!
King Friday
Jesus was meek…and he inherits the kingdom. The scripture in Philippians…where Jesus humbled himself and became meek as a servant. God exalted him!
“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him a name that is above every name. The Name of Jesus every knee shall bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that JESUS CHRIST IS LORD, to the glory of God the Father. Amen.” (Philippians 2: 6-11)
The gentle man knows his own ignorance, limitation and needs. It is freedom from all self-importance. The push for roles to me shows self-importance.
Jesus described this attitude in Matthew 5:3-4 when He said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
Meek and Humble Spirit? It describes the proper “balance between too much and too little anger.” There are some things in life that should make us angry as we mentioned. Here is the person who is "always angry at the right time, and never angry at the wrong time" with just the precise amount of anger. The gentle man is the man who can patiently endure. He is proactive instead of aggressive.
How do you handle pride, self-glory, aggression, manipulation, the tendency to withdraw and give the old silent treatment, the demand for position, power, privilege, and status? These are manifestations of the flesh or our sinful human nature. Some label it as worldly! Its so easy to go with those, and yet that is not what God tells us to do.
Meek? Again Most define the word as mild mannered, spine-less, weak, submissive, subservient, passive…ineffective. We need to check our spirit! Do we say those things out of demand for power, privilege, status, and self glory that we as humans seek in this world?
We don't all have to be Mister Rogers with his bow tie, knitted sweaters, and asking children 'won't be my neighbor?" That is the part people seem to be giggling about. We are talking about how people need to balance their anger, being gentle enough that others trust and want to approach us, and humble enough to realize that this isn't about us - its about God.
Mister Rogers approached Rosie O'Donnell with grace and kindness. I use her as an example, just because I can just HEAR the comments from others. He didn't worry about 'how it would be seen', etc. He accepted her as who she was. Just like Jesus went to eat with sinners, as the legalistic 'religious' crowd was outside wondering HOW could he do such a thing?
Mister Rogers handed her a shell for a present, and he placed water on it. Told her it looked more beautiful when it was wet. It reminded him of life. That tears and sweat often bring out the best in us.
Blessed are the Meek, for they shall inherit the Earth.
Let’s claim our inheritance. God has something wonderful waiting for us. "1How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears,[a]we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. 3Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure. " (1 John 3:1-3).
It seems lately we have very LARGE organizations within the faith bouncing all over the place by choice. Now realize I’m not saying ‘literally’ by choice, and I guess the better way to phase that is bouncing due to ‘choices’. Okay, YES I guess I was right the first time….they bounce by choice.
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