Submissive Wife? Sacrificing Husband??

Over at Reflections of a Mirror blog was a man that did a piece call the The Submissive Wife? I had to giggle because his introduction the article included making sure you paid attention the question mark at the end of the title, "The Submissive wife???"

He did poke fun at some that believe that Ephesians 5:22 seems to be the only sentence with any true meaning in that entire passage. We have all heard it ourselves - Wifes Submit to your husbands! I could tell he was off to a good start with a bit of sarcasm:

There you have it, wives- do whatever your husband says. Guys, wouldn’t that be awesome? To have slaves that have to do what we tell them to do? I mean, how incredibly boring would that be? Never fight, never argue, never have a complicated discussion. Never be interrupted while the NFL is on. Never have to worry about her feelings or her opinions. Never wonder if she will make you breakfast, lunch and dinner, because, well, she has too right? It’s in the Bible.

(giggles) I loved that!

There’s a lot more in that passage than a submissive wife. First, we are told to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. Out of a Holy respect for Jesus, we should not rule each other, no one should seek to dominate the other. We should both give ourselves to each other. Later in the passage it says the two become one, which is a great mystery. I can’t fathom the depth of this but I believe this ties in with the first verse telling us to submit to each other. We are both on equal footing with God. Neither is higher and neither is lower. Equality before God.

Ah yes - the GREAT mystery! What is a mystery to me is that people don't try to slow down, and read the entire passage?! I don't think he is the only that struggles with the depth of this passage, and there are a few of us (me included).

I don't know how many articles, forum questions, etc I have come upon that questioned how far do you let your husband go? How far do you bend? To me they need to sit down, and truly look at what is being asked of them. I mean some things in life are worth bending a bit, and others? They just AREN'T! Something is wrong if you are questioning things.

The message you get from alot of women is SUBMIT to EVERYTHING, and use this as a hammer to hit you with.

I had to giggle at one quick article questioning if she needed to submit to husband's wishes, and give her son his first haircut. She loved his curls, and wasn't ready for the big boy look! I'm not so sure that was a case of submitting myself. It seemed like a compromise and decision - she did bend. She still thinks he is cute, and I figure she still has those pictures she posted. I don't know, but that just didn't seem like submitting to me. Its just part a relationship.

Then you have the extreme we tend to heard about here when people encourage women to submit to domestic violence. It clearly goes against the rest of the passage that others don't seem to read.

Its strange to me, because you hear about how men are wired to lead. They are the take charge type of gender, and aggression is just with them! Don't make them feel threaten, and don't question them. Why? That wouldn't show honor and respect - know your place SUBMIT!

Then you have the other side of the coin. Loads of articles, books, threads on forums, etc all about how it is hard to submit. God I guess didn't wire us the way he did men for some reason. We have to work our part, and well the men? They pretty much don't if you believe the JUNK they put out there!

Now that we have established that neither one should dominate the other lets dissect the submissive wife part. This act of submission is voluntary. The wife does not have to submit, she can refuse. Also, submitting does not imply becoming a slave. You do not give up your rights when you submit although you do allow someone else to lead you. We do this all the time. We submit to God, we submit to bosses at work. We submit to teachers in school. We submit daily to others. But, when that person abuses that submission, we have the right to stop submitting.

I also want to look further in this passage to gain some perspective on submission, in the last verse after the last comma is a phrase that I think puts a new light on this issue, “and the wife must respect her husband.” All of this submitting stuff is done out of respect. But respect is earned. Respect is only kept when the husband is worthy of respect. Why is that so hard to understand? Men, if we earn and keep our wives respect she will not have nearly as hard a time allowing us to lead in our relationship.

Is he saying we might be 'wired' as well? OH MY GOODNESS! What a thought he has there! Respect of the role is earned by treating and loving your wife as Christ would have you do. YEP - it may take some effort on his part! Pretty cool concept huh? NOW that just might WORK! (Yes my sarcasm this time!)

Scenario time. You, your husband and your 9 month old child are in a gas station and a guy with a gun comes in to the store and starts making threats. He aims the gun at you and the baby. Do you a) want your husband to let you take the leadership role and take a bullet or do you b) want him to lead and protect his wife and child by throwing himself in front of the guy with the gun? I think in your heart of hearts at that moment you would want the man in your life to stand up and be a man and protect his family at any cost. And men, if you aren’t willing to do that, how can you honestly expect her to respect you and allow you to lead.

Ladies, if your man is worthy, let him lead. Don’t follow blindly, but don’t destroy him when he makes a mistake.

I think we can all agree you don't destroy people for making mistakes. An abusive person does the destroying most of the time when mistakes happen - or just LIFE in general happens. That doesn't earn love and respect does it?

I can hear it now! SOMEONE HAS TO BE IN CHARGE! When you approach a relationship like that is that respectful? It seems to me it gives a sense of 'seeking to dominate the other'. Its the spirit behind that comment that truly bothers me. Shawn I felt did a good job on the other side of this coin. The Sacrificing Husband! Matter of fact I enjoyed his whole series called, "The Marriage Conundrum"

Give a read, and tell me what you think!

Abuse in the Spiritual Realm

Once in a while you come across a very moving video regarding dealing with domestic violence within the church.


Spiritual Help for the Abused is a very pretty and moving video.

I wanted to share this. Speaking about this domestic violence within the home is the first step toward healing. There are alot of places of worship that encourage the silence, but that is not what the Bible states is to happen. The truth is to be brought into the light, because that is what God's word says.

Truth is what brings healing, and not silence as a tool for the sacrifice for others not wishing to face it.

Misogyny seems to be a part of the shootings

This a picture of the victims of the shooting from NewJersey.com In Order, Reshma James - Dennis John Mallosseril - Silvy Perincheril






NYdaily's photo of suspect

Phillyburbs stated:

Reshma James had taken out a restraining order against her estranged husband, Avigliano said.

"She found out he wasn't all he was cut out to be," Avigliano said. "He was abusive toward her, and she left him and came out here."

The couple were married just over a year ago in India and moved to Sacramento in January.

Reshma's aunt, Maria Joseph, of Hartford, Conn., said she warned her niece, who was studying to become a nurse, not to marry him. Other relatives told her the man had a history of "behavioral problems," Joseph said.

Telegraphindia mentioned:

“I do not know whether the possessiveness was born of genuine love or an irrational suspicion about her. He did not like her meeting people and preferred her to be indoors all the time,” said James Kochuparampil, Reshma’s maternal uncle.

The couple had together arrived in Kerala three months ago, apparently to try and save the marriage which was falling apart because Pallipurath, 27, allegedly tortured his 24-year-old wife. But Reshma’s relatives here said they never guessed the marriage was on the rocks.

By then, however, the family had already received tidbits of information about Pallipurath’s wayward behaviour, for instance that “he was on drugs”. Still, they let Reshma go back to the US because she had relatives in America she could turn to for help anytime.


The couple, however, separated after returning to the US, the husband going to his home in Sacramento, California, and the wife taking refuge with her aunt Silvy Perincheril, 47, in New Jersey. Perincheril, a nurse, was by Reshma’s side in the church and was shot and critically injured by Pallipurath.

Reshma had graduated in nursing from Chennai and was completing formalities for enrolment as a registered nurse in the US. She had to start working soon to ensure a decent life for her family back home.

worldnewsaustralia wrote:

James had taken out a restraining order against Pallipurath, prosecutors said.

In California, the suspect's father had called on him to surrender, as did relatives of one of the victims in New Jersey.

All three victims were shot once in the head and didn't regain consciousness, depriving investigators of the opportunity to interview them.

sepiamutiny has breakdowns of the events.

Someone had sent a list to me that I wanted to share about situations like this. Domestic violence was must certainly an huge issue within their relatonship. There is alot of talk about what a Misogynist is, and I had found a list I wanted to share with everyone. I found it on VNN Editorial

Characteristics Of A Misogynist


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BY MAHANIDHI DASA

EDITORIAL, Dec 4 (VNN) — The Twenty-six Characteristics of a Misogynist (one who hates women)
presented by Mahanidhi dasa

1. He thinks that his masculinity depends on dominating women.
2. He feels powerful by subjugating women.
3. His emotional security depends on women being controlled.
4. He wants to insure that women are less powerful than he.
5. He controls women by destroying their self-confidence.
6. He is unnecessarily critical of women.
7. He intimidates women by finding faults with them.
8. He humiliates women in public and devalues their opinions.
9. He sees encounters with or about women as a battle to be won.
10. He must always win in a discussion with or about women.
11. He blames women for failings that are not related to them.
12. He blames women for his own failings and shortcomings.
13. He accuses women of being too sensitive if they get upset with him.
14. He will confuse issues by changing the subject.
15. He will confuse issues by denial or word jugglery.
16. He will confuse issues by acting as if nothing happened after it did.
17. He belittles or ignores women s accomplishments.
18. He denies her feelings and makes her wrong for feeling them.
19. He is condescending, taunting, jeering, or angry toward her.
20. He is hostile, aggressive, contemptuous, or cruel to her.
21. He makes derogatory comments about women in general.
22. He wants to punish women when they displease him.
23. He has no remorse or guilt for the pain he causes women.
24. He is in anxiety about women and meditates on them.
25. He forces women not to do things that they re qualified to do.
26. He selectively quotes authorities to substantiate his position.

Misogyny is a mental disorder that requires therapy. If someone you know has some or all of the above symptoms, humbly request that person to find qualified treatment for their condition.

Forgiveness - what is it really?

So many times I have read or heard these messages of forgive and forget like God does. To me it seems like they don't wish to confront the sin as mentioned in Matthew. To me its a counterdiction of scripture. I mean which is it? Confront sin or forgive and forget? It seems to me this is handled upon the parties comfort level. If they don't wish to face the abuser - forgive and forget is used. We can forgive and forget as the saying goes if the person turns from their sin, but if they are constantly asking for forgiveness for the same sin? There is no heart change there, and that is what God asks of everyone. It seems discernment needs to be used.

Forgiveness to me is for US and not for anyone else! I see it as God's way of telling us he doesn't wish us to harbor contempt and other burdens that would hold us down. He wants us to let it go, and he asks us to pray for them to help us do just that! Forgiveness is a tool to have a heart change as God would wish us to have. Abusers will ask for forgiveness, and its NOT for them! They use this as a tool to wipe the slate clean, but God is asking for a heart change. He is asking that you turn from your sin, and you truly repent to him first, the person you hurt second, and you do your darnest to turn away from those sinful behaviors forever!

I see many churches adding burdens to the forgiveness that clearly aren't meant to be. It just makes things easier for them it seems, and forgetting tends to enable the sins to continue. If take the consequences away from the sinner do they truly learn? Some way, but most that are not repentive see this as a green light to continue. I mean where is the consequence for their actions? There isn't any! Trust is broken when the sin is always brought upon people, and trust and forgiveness are two different aspects. At times removed trust is the only safe option due to history. God may forget the sins, but we are NOT God!





Forgiveness is for YOU, and not the abuser in your life! Its for the heart change that God wishes us to have.

We are to forgive others because that is what God has asked us to do. The forgiveness is for US, and not for THEM! I think its because it would be easier to let go of the resentment, bitterness, etc. Things God doesn't wish us to hold on to.

The forgive and forget part? I don't buy that either. It enables people to continue to hurt you and others. We are to call out sin, and to stand against it. I think at times people ask you to forgive and forget because they don't know how to deal with it, and its easier to say that then to DEAL with it! If we are to just forgive and forget why would we need the verses in Matthew on how to confront people? lol kind of a counterdiction of either other!

God knows that some will not repent of their wrong doings towards others, but we can continue to pray for them - which God asks us to do. Again I think that helps us NOT hold on to the hurt, resentment, etc. That doesn't mean we would automatically trust the person. I see alot of people almost hint that if you don't trust the person - you haven't forgiven them fully. There are circumstances in which there are very sound reasons for not trusting them, and again I think its a way for people not wanting to get their hands dirty and deal with the uglies at times when they preach the if you have no trust you haven't forgiven!

A good restoration of a relationship starts with the party asking God first for forgiveness, asking for forgiveness towards the party they hurt...and turning away from that sin completely. Where it gets sticky is if they continue to do the sin that caused things, and all they keep doing is asking for forgiveness...and NOT doing any heart work! That's NOT genuine, and we have all seen people that do this. They truly have no drive towards change - they just want forgiveness. At that point they are NOT truly safe to be around. They are NOT a safe person, and yes trust isn't justified. That party sets themselves up for the consequences of that, and they have to learn to live with it also. I do agree that some will pressure you to keep letting go, but they aren't doing the sinner any favors by this guilt. People do learn by others allowing them to fall on their faces, and YES at times losing everything due to their sins.

We can forgive without trusting, and we do this so we don't' harbor feelings God doesn't wish us to harbor! We are NOT asked to forgive only after they other party repents...as I have also heard! lol think about how many don't? God wouldn't wish you to harbor things because it would just hinder your walk! People that demand forgiveness so they feel better about sinning against you don't grasp what forgiveness is about. Its not so they can feel better all the time - its so our heart stays where God can continue to mold us to me! Don't wait to forgive those that don't' wish to repent - that only hinders you!

lol I do agree that alot of advice at times does ask you to enable! I don't' quite understand it either at times. I think we grow when living the consequences at times. Humbling themselves is a good thing, and at times falling on our faces can spark that! If we keep forgiving and forgetting it doesn't always happen! We all need discernment when it comes to certain issues. At times you do forget because of the circumstances, and how they have turned from their sin. If they continue in the sin, and you are asked to forgive and forget on a constant basis I don't understand how people grow into better people if they are enabled to continue the sin, and how people seem to think this magical transformation is going to happen is pretty much insane to me. God allows consequences for a reason, and if we take those away..... I mean there are reasons consequences are there to begin with right? Do people seriously think everyone will learn without them? I know I have learned from consequences!

My thoughts on forgiveness!

Abusive Christian Husband - Scripture used to Abuse

When the bible is used to abuse! Scripture used within domestic violence situations....


According to five independent sociological studies that were done to see which group was more likely to spiritually abuse their wife's, and the group in which domestic violence towards the wife's were more likely present was (which included people that doesn't follow a faith) Conservative protestant Christians. Its shocking that the studies overwellingly found this to be true! They also found that the group to most likely NOT abuse their wife's was also Conservative protestant Christian men. They found that a close relationship between whom were regularly involved with the church, and those that only attended on occasion were the big factor. This means MOST of the time, but not ALL of the time!

They mentioned that the men that took their religion seriously, and spoke and sought to understand scripture were more unlikely to misuse 'submission' and 'headship'. The other group heard those terms, and used them to their advantage! "I have the right to have POWER.....she has to SUBMIT!"

They spoke to a woman that has been counseled by a Christian organization, and found that some of the messages encouraged women NOT to speak out! It was a sin to talk badly about your husband. That means if there is abuse within the home you were NOT to speak of it!

The counselor that said that most of the clients they see all have this impression that they are to silently submit, and do everything that the husband says. That teaching she receives is from her mother, bible studies, the pulpit, etc. Scripture DOES address headship, submission and the rest of course! Where the problem comes in when pastors do sermons on submission, and DON'T address the abusive side of using submission to control their families! Why? Women in most cases don't validate their own abuse!

Women that have been emotionally abused, verbally abused, spiritually and sexually abused don't take things seriously enough even when it goes into physical abuse. Why? It took that long to happen, so maybe it won't happen again! They deny what is happening to them, and at times it takes a long time for them to 'own this'. In many cases it takes others to tell them they MUST take this serious! If you have most pushing other messages - neither party or their children will get the help they need. Their children also suffer under this very controlled and oppressive headship!

A Pastor and his wife met with some local women's domestic violence shelters to see what they could do to help. They had a meeting with them, and one of the first questions that was asked was, "What are you going to do about headship?" Some of these people didn't even go to church. Headship was being used to shut woman down, and used to control their wives. Most people will tell you that when you are in a fight that is getting to heated....walk away. Right? Their husband's grab them, block their way and will HOLD them there to finish.....because THEY are the boss!

Peter says in the bible that men are to relate to their wives as God relates to our savior Jesus. There seems to be a big contrast with that, and how some people view headship wouldn't you say? Jesus shares authority with God his Father. The Father empowers his son! That is SO far away from how it can be misused with the family! YES the bible does say that man is the head, but it also clarifies what that means! Its not some POWER structure! It describes servant leadership, and servant leadership doesn't mean do what I say, how I say, when I say IT! POWER isn't the concentrated on portion of this passage, and yet that is what alot of people that misused scripture take it to mean. Its in a form of protection and servant hood....the husband isn't her Lord! She only has ONE Lord! The Father GIVES to the son, and the Father does not TAKE from the son! He doesn't scream at him to get his way, and remind him WHOM is the HEAD!


The book mentioned in the video.

The bible states what the intent for marriage is, but is also used to abuse the intention of marriage. That should not be! RBC ministry presents this second installment video - Scripture used within domestic violence. Here is a link to rbc ministries page in case my first link doesn't work. RAVE is the organization they mentioned that pastors can use to educate themselves online about domestic abuse!

The woman's place....

Katherine Gunn of A Voice in the Desert has a very good article on the woman's place!

Here is a portion at the beginning!

The Hebrew word used in Genesis 2:18, 20 to describe Eve is 'ezer.' According to Strong's Concordance, this Hebrew word is used in the following verses: a) Isaiah 30:5, Ezekiel 12:14 and Daniel 11:34 to describe groups or nations that Israel, mainly, were leaning on instead of leaning on God; 2) Exodus 18:4, Deuteronomy 33:7, 33:26, 29, Psalm 20:2, 33:20, 70:5, 89:19, 115:9, 10, 11, 121:1, 2, 124:8, 146:5, and Hosea 13:9 to describe God's relationship to Israel. In the Genesis verses, it is translated meet (KJV), while in all the other verses, it is translated help (KJV).


Hmm... so the word used is not a subservient one - unless we are prepared to take the position that God's role with Israel was subservient! The image I get from this is one who stands with - not behind, not sits under - stands with someone and helps them.

Very good blog, and this article is worth the read! CHECK OUT IT!

God gave us all our own story to tell

Sadie



God gave us all our own unique story to tell!

What an awesome message! We all get there our own way, and have our own journey!

God is there even as you suffer, and you feel tested!

I had to watch this video twice to get the full impact. I hope you get it quicker than I did! LOL! It shows how God is waiting for us, and will fight for us even when times in our eyes are NOT good!

1Co 10:13 You have been put to no test but such as is common to man: and God is true, who will not let any test come on you which you are not able to undergo; but he will make with the test a way out of it, so that you may be able to go through it.

Look for God's way out of it!

Faith groups work against domestic abuse

Angela Cain/Community Affairs wrote the article Faith Groups Work Against Domestic Abuse

Bishop Charles Finnell

It starts out with:

Domestic violence is a regular part of central Indiana news headlines, and some experts say it is on the rise. Last year, domestic violence claimed 79 lives in Indiana, affecting the rich and the poor of every race, and even people of faith.

Bishop Charles Finnell States:

Recognizing problems within the vocation, Bishop Charles Finnell and his wife Vivian have worked to shatter the silence on domestic abuse for years by educating their congregation at Christ Temple Apostolic Faith Assembly in Indianapolis and holding community forums outside the church.

"Most of you know that there is a great problem in our society with domestic violence," said Bishop Finnell as he urged faith leaders to take a stand against domestic abuse. "I think the church has been in denial that the problem exists."

"Someone has to say this is wrong. This isn't right. This isn't God-like," Vivian Finnell, Christ Temple First Lady said. "God is not an abuser."
The Finnells say sometimes people use the Bible as an excuse for abuse.

"We have misinterpreted the scripture many times and used it to manipulate and control our partners."

Bishop Finnell says one verse in the fifth chapter of Ephesians asks a wife to submit to her husband, but after reading the whole chapter, the full meaning becomes clear.

"It's a mutual submission. Both the husband voluntarily yielding to the wife and the wife voluntarily yielding herself in love to the husband" Bishop Finnell explained.

He said Ephesians has a command for husbands as well as wives, "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church."

"It's a sacrificial love. It's a love that does not cause pain and does not cause hurt," Vivian Finnell added.

The Finnell's pray that their church understands what the Bible really means when it refers to men as the head of the household. They fear abusive personalities interpret that as a dictatorship.

........ For the entire Article

One last important portion of the article:

The Indiana Partnership to Prevent Violent Injury and Death has made a special brochure for the faith community. The brochure includes seven weeks of domestic violence awareness topics to use in sermons or messages to congregations. Call 278-0945 to get the free brochure or download it here.

Debi Pearl's "Created to be a helpmate"

LINK to page "Created to Be His Help Meet" discussion

I have written on the misteachings this organization offers, but this blogger actually is taking it my sections. The above link as to do with the domestic violence section. This is not to say that everything they have to say is incorrect, but they clearly are misinformed on some things. Its a shame that they continue to place such a burden on ladies in this situtation. The link above is the this section, and while you are there read section 8 as well!

Page 79: “A Command Man who has gone bad is likely to be abusive. It is important to remember that much of how a Command Man reacts depends on his wife’s reverence towards him. When a Command Man (lost or saved) is treated with honor and reverence, a good help meet will find that her man will be wonderfully protective and supportive. In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects respect, and is not getting it. When a wife plays her part as a help meet, the Command Man will respond differently. Of course, there are a few men who are so cruel and violent that even when the wife is a proper help meet, he will still physically abuse her or the children. In such cases, it would be the duty of the wife to alert the authorities so that they might become the arm of the Lord to do justice.”

This quote puts the pressure on the wife to prevent her husband from abusing her. It suggests she can prevent abuse by obedience, honor, and reverence. This doesn’t work. Research on domestic violence shows that an abuser will hit his wife for a matter as simple as burning the dinner or him having a bad day at work or coming home drunk. Debi doesn’t seem to understand the pleasure of power, especially absolute power. It is the wife’s inability to prevent violence, even by her diligent attempts to obey, that perfectly expresses the abuser’s absolute control. The power is God-like, determining good and evil beyond her ability to comprehend. Men love power, especially Command Men.

This quote puts the guilt of abuse on the wife’s head (except for a very few unspecified cases). Even though it says that a few men are so bad they should be reported, there is no specification of when to make this distinction. An abused wife reading this book could, in retrospect, always identify some thing she thinks she could have done to stop her husband’s violence. Advice like this serves only to continue a cycle of submission and abuse often described in domestic violence studies. We believe, no matter what a wife does or does not do, a husband should never be abusive toward her. Abuse for any reason, even if the wife is not submissive or reverent , is cruel and evil.

Says the author about one section of the book!

Michael uses 1 Peter 2 & 3 to teach that women in abusive situations should suffer in silence in order to bring glory to God. 1 Peter 2 encourages slaves when they suffer for doing good and uses the example of Jesus’ suffering which brings us salvation. The beginning of 1 Peter 3 encourages women to submit to their unsaved husbands in hopes of bringing them to salvation. Michael ties these two passages together and teaches that women are to suffer in silence, even at the hands of abusive husbands, in order to bring glory to God. Here are some representative quotes:

Page 263: “Lady, you were created to give glory to God. When God puts you in
subjection to a man whom he knows is going to cause you to suffer, it is with
the understanding that you are obeying God by enduring the wrongful suffering.
And when you suffer wrongfully, as unto the Lord, you bring great glory to God
in heaven.”

Page 263: “Has your husband reviled and threatened you? You are exhorted to respond as Jesus did. When he was reviled and threatened, he suffered by
committing himself to a higher judge who is righteous. You must commit yourself
to the one who placed you under your husband’s command. Your husband will answer
to God, and you must answer to God for how you respond to your husband, even
when he causes you to suffer.”

Page 264: “You can freely call your husband “lord” when you know that you are addressing the one who put him in charge and asked you to suffer at your
husband’s hands just as our Lord suffered at the hands of unjust authorities… I
know that this must be an amazing doctrine to many of you. Nonetheless, it is no
less radical than Jesus was radical, and it is God’s way.”

Page 265: “For the eyes of the Lord see all that take place. His ears are open to your prayers when you obey him and obey your husband. And then comes the
promise: if you are following God, no harm will come to you by doing what is
good… You will receive a blessing when you suffer for righteousness’ sake, that
is, when you obey God by obeying your husband and not returning evil for evil.
You will be happy, so don’t be afraid or troubled by the things you must
endure.”

Again, the Pearls have enough truth in this teaching to make it dangerous for a wife who is being seriously abused by her husband. Jesus does call us to (and is our example for) a life that includes suffering – both daily suffering in the sense of taking up our cross, and suffering that arises specifically from following Him. Sometimes (and again, Jesus is our example in this, as 1 Peter 2 points out) such suffering can be redemptive.

1 Peter 2 encourages slaves to serve God in submission to their masters (just or unjust), and to suffer in silence for doing good. This was a God-empowered response to someone in a position from which he or she had no escape – a free and grace-filled choice a slave could make from a position that involved little or no other freedom. However, this teaching has not prevented Christians from reading the rest of the Bible and being at the forefront (and rightly so, we believe) in ending slavery around the world, bringing South African apartheid to an end, and working to ensure equal rights for African Americans here. The Bible teaches a strong message both about God’s concern for the powerless and dispossessed, and about the imago dei – the image of God stamped on each person, male and female. We are called to treat all men and women with respect and reverence simply because they bear God’s image and are important to Him. We believe that we, as Christians, should speak and work against abuse and violence wherever it occurs. This includes abuse and violence within a marriage. CTBHHM does not do this.

The link is above, and it goes into different portions of the book as well!

Point 8: The writing often lacks grace and compassion towards those struggling, calling women names that should never be used to describe human beings made in God’s image.

One of the funniest examples to illustrate this point (p. 217-219) involves a letter a woman named Vicki wrote to Debi because she was “tired and discouraged”, frustrated that her husband wouldn’t fix the sink or the screen door. Debi opens her reply letter by asking Vicki to take the “Standard Dumb Cluck” test. The first question in this test is “Does natural healing not interest you?” Indeed, all of the questions in the “Standard Dumb Cluck Test” except the last have absolutely nothing to do with the original letter. Debi follows this test with, “Well, are you a dumb cluck?”, then writes an extremely harsh letter about how Vicki should get her lazy self off the couch, learn to use tools, and take some initiative. Not knowing the situation, we’re not disputing Debi’s advice, but are disturbed by the complete lack of courtesy and compassion in the letter, a style unfortunately carried over into many of Debi’s other letters. Debi is essentially presenting this woman (whom she knows nothing of except for a one-paragraph letter) to thousands of readers as a silly, lazy “dumb cluck” bum.

The verse just before Titus 2:4-5, which Debi spends so much time exploring, says this: “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.” To label another woman (all of the following are direct quotes from her book) a “cheap office wench”, “cheap office hussy”, “lazy, complaining wife,” “cranky, demanding leech”, “skinny swine”, “rebellious”, or “hillbilly ugly, which is worse than everyday ugly” in a book to be read by thousands, simply based on one letter or observation, comes dangerously close to slander. At the least, this approach does nothing to show the love of God or the respect we should all show to people made in His image (women included, we believe!).

This hard to believe that a Christian would resort to name calling in this fashion!

Gospel of John Day Three

Gospel of John - Day One

Gospel of John - Day two



Part 13



Part 14



Part 15



Part 16



Part 17



Part 18



Part 19

Gospel of John - Day Two

Gospel of John - Day One

Gospel of John - Day Three


Part Seven



Part Eight



Part Nine



Part Ten



Part Eleven


Part Twelve

The Gospel of John

I found a series online for the Gospel of John. I will post them in sequence!

Also here are some quick links to rest!

Gospel of John - Day Two

Gospel of John - Day Three

Part One



Part Two



Part Three



Part Four



Part Five



Part Six



I will post some Tommorrow!

The Newsboys - He Reigns

Speech given by Mark Redmond about Domestic Violence

Link to Speech This gentleman spoke about domestic abuse I felt was very moving.
 

Thanks for inviting me here this morning. As Gary said, I am the director of Spectrum Youth and Family Services, and when people think of Spectrum they think of our work right across the street, where we help homeless teenagers by providing them with shelter, food, education and job assistance. And when I tell people we also have staff in White River Junction, Bratteleboro, Bennington and Middlebury, and that they work in prisons and probation offices with men who have been convicted of battering, people are surprised. In fact I remember telling this to one person who replied, “And why is Spectrum involved in that?” And the answer is that the vast majority of those young people who come to us off the street seeking help grew up in families where there was domestic violence, where there was a man battering his wife and partner, and very likely battering his children as well. An estimated 50-70% of men who physically abuse their partner or wife and also doing the same to their children. So it is our belief that if we can get to these men, and help change their belief system, their way of thinking about women, we are in effect reducing the number of young people who will end up in the foster care system or homeless.
 

 

It was one of our domestic violence prevention workers, a female, who came to me after the terrible death of Michelle Gardner Quinn last year, and said, “You know what is disturbing about all the articles written on this? Everything is about how women need to make themselves safer. ‘If only Michelle Gardner Quinn had kept her phone charged. Women should always remember to charge their phone. A woman should not get separated from her friends. She should not walk back to UVM at night alone, and if she does, she should not talk to any man she does not already know.’ That kind of thing, which is fine, we do want to be safe, but what is missing is anyone saying or writing, ‘Why are so many men doing this? Why are so many men hurting and killing women in our state and in our country?’ That is the elephant in the room, and a man needs to write this and it should be you.”

 

The rest is worth the read!

Let the wife see that she respects her husband!

I have been reading the book "Living it and Lovin it" by the http://www.joelandkathy.com/

I had to truly giggle with delight as I read their chapter on RESPECT! It was refreshing to hear!

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

You notice the blue text? I highlighted that because I wanted to draw to a point here! They mentioned this in their book, and I really feel they made a good point! They mentioned that the above passage we hear has 183 words, and the last 10 are addressed to wife's. You ever notice how many books, articles, sermons, threads on boards, etc are address those 10 words? You notice the difference compared to the first 173 words? What is my point, and what am I getting at? Well guess what might be coming next (internal giggle)!

FOUR TIMES the husbands are told to love their wives with agape love! They are told to lie down their lives for her, and LOVE their wives as they love themselves!

We all know there are women out there that have Godly husband's like this, and we also know that you will have wife's that won't respect their husbands.....no matter HOW well he lives by this passage! We aren't going to address that today.

The emphasis SEEMS to be on the husband's in this passage, and there is a last remark for the wife's. What the author's find asounding (as with myself) is the billing those last 10 words get compared to the rest of the 173! I have been told in the past it was due to the fact that its mostly women that buy the books, articles, etc on relationships. There is no true audience like this for men's relationship books towards marriage. I'm sure we could find some, but shall we compare the numbers? Just go look at your local bookstore, or even check the internet! Where are all the books, articles, videos, threads on boards, etc SPEAKING as strongly about this aspect? I mean you read all the time that people just NEED to get right with the LORD, and maybe the divorce rates will go down! If women are reading all those books, articles, etc on relationships TRYING to do those 10 last words.........we should have 100 times more available for the men! They have a HUGE job here according to this passage! Apage love wouldn't place the emphasis on 'respect', because in the majority of the cases they would recieve it! I mean respect is given when? According to the church respect is to be given EVEN when undeserved! Do you see the same pressure about this apage LOVE that is to be there no matter what? What is strange is that SEEMS to be the defination! RIGHT?!

They had a nice comparsion in this chapter on respect! They said what if you employer asked you to go and sweep the walk 4 TIMES in a 183 words dialog always STRESSING this sweeping...then ended the thought with, "and could you also take out the trash!" Which may be more important to you at first? WHICH seems to be the priority? How do you think your employer would react if you just took out the trash? I mean he did SAY that also right?! Do you think he would feel you were listening to the true message? Do you think he would be happy with that result?

The church seems to be TAKING OUT THE TRASH a little to much, and what happened to the sweeping of the sidewalk? Do a search for the sweeping of the sidewalk, and you will find alot of articles STILL within that content talking a little to much about TRASH!

With Ephesians 5:25-33 it amazes me with the messages we get MOST of the time!

1. BOOKS coming out on the importance to both jobs equally SWEEPING the walk and taking out that trash!


2. ARTICLES on that TRASH really needing alot of attention...oh and by the way sweep the walk will ya!


3. AND my personal favorite the doctrinal dissertation on the NEED to take that trash out, and we don't need to talk about the sidewalk!

You have SEEN the amounts of material written on the RESPECTING of the husband! Where are the mountains of literature the other direction? LOL I guess I missed it! I guess some would say that men don't need that study or something. The world has spent so much time on the other end you seem to wonder WHY the divorce rate is so high if that was so perfect! LOL I mean MOST men are going around loving their spouses with ALL this apage love, and we are all in such AWE as to WHY these wifes just can't respect that right? I mean this blog is dedicated those spouses that DON'T do this! Where is the help for these poor lost souls? I mean you have men that belittle, ignore, curse at, and cheat on their spouses...and what are their spouses asked to do? RESPECT them more of all things! NO wonder these men can't get it right, no one is telling them that apage love is NOT dependent on respect! Things are written all the time on HOW men need this respect, and they will LOVE you in return! That isn't what the bible says to do! He is to LOVE her always - not dependent on the respect - and that is what the passage is addressing!

The wife then feels that pressure to offer her husband underserved respect. Most Christian wives cannot disregard their perceived duty in the same manner that their husbands disregard the responsibility to love them with agape love. These wives feel a deep burden to be obedient to God. They often struggle to respect their husbands regardless of their commitment to love. Can the husband's LEARN apage love the other way around? I'm sure they can! Is that what Paul had in mind with this above passage? Respect comes naturally to women that feel this LOVE from their spouse! Since most of the responsibility is placed on the husband WHY is it we stress so much in the other direction? Aren't we doing things a bit backwards?

Joel speaks of this in the book:

I live with Kathy according to the knowledge that I have learned from listening to her heart. I meet her needs because I have allowed her to be direct with me about those that she has. This is what it means to lay my life down for my wife. I listen for her heart. When she expresses a need, she gets my full attention. I focus on her so that she feels the esteem of the premium value which I bestow upon her. I respect Kathy. I honor Kathy. Does she respect me in return? Of course! Why wouldn’t she? Is my greatest need as a man to be respected by Kathy? No!

My greatest need as a man is to become the man that God has called me to be by becoming the husband that my wife needs me to be! My greatest need as a man is to walk in maturity and Christlikeness.

Respect from Kathy is a by-product of my actions and attitudes of love.

WOW! What a great part of the BOOK! He has it! One thing he said in the chapter that truly went against the grain of what you read most of the time IS...

On the other hand, if the stress manifests itself in a bad attitude or action toward her or the children, she tells me about it. I respect her enough to receive the correction. Do I feel “respected” in that moment when she says, “Joel, you are over-reacting about such and so.” No. I am not supposed to feel respected. I am not acting respectably.

Most of the time that is the OPPOSITE of what women are asked to DO! If their man comes off defensive like some they are told - watch your tone, don't be a nag! RESPECT your husband! Why is that? Where is the APAGE love in that response of being defensive to correction that is needed? Why are we asking people in TROUBLE to walk on eggshells? What is SO hard about this concept? Could it be that men have a hard time dealing with pride and ego? I'm sure it is! I mean that is how they are wired most of the time, and lets face it....how society tends to push them to be! We are asked to DIE to ourselves within scripture, and with that process pride and egos would DIE along with it!

Kathy mentioned:

There was a time when I could not offer real respect although I desperately tried to manufacture it. Joel didn’t live in a way that deserved respect! I would try because that was what I was told to do. How could I honor a man who treated me so poorly? When we would get into an argument, Joel would convince me that it was entirely my fault. Sometimes after these fights I would beat myself up emotionally because I had lost my cool and ended up yelling or throwing something at him.

You read all the time of this type of senerio, and I guess I truly never understood it. You have someone being treated poorly, and pouring her heart out to others and she is told basically DEAL WITH IT! You must respect your husband in all, and its NOT dependent on his doing his job! Roll with the punches, and don't take things so personally! Take your burden to God, and as scripture say he will take your burden, and the yoke will be light! In other words, at least to ME - you do your job and lets NOT worry about him doing his okay? The one that was told with 173 words how important it is for him to treat his spouse in such a way doesn't need correction! YOUR attitude does! You aren't respecting him enough if you feel HURT by his behavior! I always wondered if they were telling us you are being to sensitive, and to get a thicker skin! That goes against want scripture states!

I believed that I was called to respect Joel and submit to him in anything except for sin. In retrospect, the concept that I had to put up with mistreatment and yet still offer respect was just flat out wrong. God never wanted me to be treated the way that I was treated. God never
expected me to respect Joel no matter what. Marriage is not “carte blanche” for a man’s selfishness. I was God’s daughter! I was God’s creation! I deserved to be treated in the right way!

Certainly, no one was telling me that. The best that I ever got was, “Just submit to him, love him and respect him. God will bring him around.” That advice cost me years of heartache.

As we know these comments have caused alot of people heartache! GET RIGHT WITH GOD they tell you, and yet to me at times they haven't got the first clue yet themselves!

This couple started after Joel himself had mistreated his wife for years within the marriage. She was told to submit and respect! Joel himself reminded her of his headship! He had an affair, and instead of having any closure he announced that he repented and was forgiven....and to DROP IT! Certain questions, attitudes and hurts show that SHE wasn't doing things right! Paul Hegstrom got ahold of him, and took the scales off his eyes! Joel wasn't a wife beater as Paul Hegstrom was! He did recoginize the beatings of other forms he was giving his wife, and that was far from what God expected of him as a Godly husband!

People of troubled marriages would benefit from their ministry. Couples that aren't would as well, but it does tend to wake up selfish men that tend to break not only themselves...but their family along with it! Joel basically states that he was emotionally maybe 5-8 years old! His reactions were those a child, and his actions were also! He was to busy stating if she would JUST do her job everything would be FINE! What he didn't grasp was if he did his job, and GREW UP God would bestow him with the marriage he never dreamed of! He gets the proper respect from his wife now, and he doesn't do it because SHE is doing her job! He is doing his job that God has asked him to, and the byproduct of that is a wife that couldn't love him MORE! THat he enjoys her honoring and respecting him! That is TRULY a helpmate! He learned to die to himself, and showed this love to his wife. Genesis says that women have desire to serve the husband. HUSBANDS will RULE over them! The way I read it is what is happening today, and that RULING wasn't meant as some command or gift from him! It was due to the fall, and humans would have to WORK to get it right with HIM!

Gen 3:15 And there will be war between you and the woman and between your seed and her seed: by him will your head be crushed and by you his foot will be wounded.
Gen 3:16 To the woman he said, Great will be your pain in childbirth; in sorrow will your children come to birth; still your desire will be for your husband, but he will be your master.

The bible speaks many times of what a good leader is. Demanding respect, submission, commanding headship be recognized is NOT within scripture as leadership qualities. At times you see this pushed a little to much, and when you have ego and pride sprinkled on top to have hurt and heartache! In Peter the scripture states that if you do not treat your wife as the coheir in grace that your prayers will be hindered! The scripture above pushes the agape love that God asks you to show your wife.

Joel and Kathy's ministry will help those that are serious about their walk to be Godly spouses! The men will be told to DIE upon themselves, and allow pride and ego to go with it! They will be told to GROW UP, and be the Man God asks you to be! STOP the manipulation and guilt trips, and allow your wife to be safe opening her heart to you without attacks, belittling and mininizing of her thoughts. We are all to be servants, and they can show you HOW to be a better servant of God! How to find that marriage you both wish to have, and how to get there! It won't be easy, and wifes will have to learn to open their hearts once again! BOTH are going to have jobs to do, but the dynamics of it are very different!

They have had plenty of broken marriages restored, and NOT in way that asks the family to walk on eggshells, shut down feelings, and avoid things that shouldn't be avoided. LOVE and being a true servant instead of concentrating on those 10 ten words! Joel says once he learned to do this he has the marriage he always wanted, and she honors, respects and loves him in return!

Men should be dealing with relationship books, articles, etc MORE than they are! They have one heck of line to tow! When the time comes that we push that portion a bit more, and a bit less unrealistic pressure on the other end to HOLD UP the relationship we may see a HUGE difference! When they stop asking WOMEN to step up and DO the man's job as far as keeping things together at the expense of themselves (emotionally, spiritually, and physically) we might actually SEE some differences in this world! After 50 years + of this PUSH for women to submit - its time to truly show those broken men how to TRULY love....so they can be the man that God wishes them to be! THEN we will make a difference in this world!

Why marriages Fail .... Why do churches truly address this?

Why Marriages Fail Link

I found an interesting article recently about a study that was done about couples starting even before they married, and then followed up with them a number of times within the years of the relationship.

If first spoke about Escalation, and how disagreements are handled.

You may be thinking, "we don't fight like cats and dogs." And while that may be true, your marriage may still have this risk factor. Damaging escalation is not always dramatic. Voices do not have to be raised for couples to get into a cycle of returning negative for negative. Conflict over paying the rent, taking out the garbage, running errands that result in muttering to oneself, rolling your eyes, or throwing up your hands can also be examples of escalation.

Couples who escalate arguments must control their emotions and control their tongues. James writes, "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless" (James 1:26). Couples who want a strong marriage must learn to counteract the tendency to escalate as a couple. The key to a strong and stable marriage is learning to control your emotions and learning how to keep a rein on your tongue.

I think alot of people downplay the power of the tongue, and also the mention of the body languange that the author speaks of. Its often returned with, 'what did you do to make that this happen?" Scripture doesn't push this idea, but humans often do. We tend to focus to much on this, and not enough on how neither party should be doing this.....and if they do it needs to be addressed. The returned statement of, "We only have heard one side" is another excuse NOT to deal!

Its so strange to me when you see a wife or husband coming to the church with concerns about escalation, and them standing back in shock and not truly knowing WHAT to do....and the responses they get! Maybe they didn't feel honored or loved enough because something you did in the past! Maybe it was the WAY you said it! Did you request this in the right tone? Its as if people can't grasp that people can just DO THIS without motive and intent! There must have been SOMETHING you did to push the buttons!

On the one hand you have them dealing with someone that can't fight fair (for lack of a better word), and you have the church questioning what you may have DONE to allow this to happen!

Invalidation is another factor.

Jesus taught that attacks on the character of another person are sinful and harmful. "But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell" (Matt. 5:22). Calling a person worthless or empty-headed (which is what the Aramaic term raca means) is not what a Christian should do.

Invalidation can also be much more subtle. It may involve an argument where contempt for the other partner is not so obvious. One partner may merely be putting the other partner down for his or her feelings. The message conveyed is that your feelings do not matter. A husband may put his wife down because she is more emotional or because she is more easily hurt by comments. A husband may invalidate a wife's fears about the children's safety. A wife may invalidate a husband's desire to succeed in the company, saying that it really doesn't matter if he becomes district manager. Ultimately the partner receiving these comments begins to share less and less so that the intimate level of sharing evaporates. When this happens, oneness is lost.

Alot of advice that people are given when victims of this type of behavior also invalidates their feelings. GIVE IT TO THE LORD, and don't worry about them! You need to concentrate on you, because you can't change the person. All kinds of things are said to NOT face the fact that their actions, deeds and words are sinful. Mininizing people's experiences, and basically telling them to "get over it" in a nutshell.

They are invalidated from both arenas - from the home and the church. People refuse to grasp why that sends people reeling! If it causes a rift within the relationship, and the support system also refusing to acknowledge it...and when we know that is damaging....I mean WOW!

Negative Interpretations

Another kind of negative interpretation is mind reading. "Mind reading occurs when you assume you know what your partner is thinking or why he or she did something." Nearly everyone is guilty of mind reading at some time or other. And when you mind read positively, it does not tend to do much harm. But when you mind read on the negative side, it can spell trouble for a marriage.

Paul warned against attempting to judge the thoughts and motives of others (1 Cor. 4:5). And Jesus asked, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Luke 6:41).
Negative interpretations are hard to detect and counteract. Research shows that in distressed marriages there is a tendency for partners to discount the positive things they see, attributing them to causes such as chance rather than to positive characteristics of the partner. That is why negative interpretations do not change easily

I think almost anyone can be guilty of this at one time or another, but its when do this as a habit is when you get yourself into trouble.

Most people are asked to STOP doing whatever it is that bothers their partner so much so they don't HAVE these negative thoughts - doesn't matter if it is unrealistic or even irrational! Do what you can to counteract this, and maybe dont' go out with your friends if you partner gets jeolous! Normally, abusers that have unrealistic views and also use this concept to keep the partner down. The church tells them to do without, and again never really addresses the core. Partner tells them do this as a control tactic.

Supporters can be enablers in other words. Enablers of bad behavior.

Withdrawal and Avoidance

Escalation, invalidation, and negative interpretations are three of the four negative risk factors identified by researchers at the University of Denver. The last of these has two descriptors: withdrawal and avoidance. These are two different manifestations of the problem wherein a partner is unwilling to get in or stay in a discussion that is too threatening.

"Withdrawal can be as obvious as getting up and leaving the room or as subtle as 'turning off' or 'shutting down' during an argument. The withdrawer often tends to get quiet during an argument, look away, or agree quickly to a partner's suggestion just to end the conversation, with no real intention of following through."{4}

"Avoidance reflects the same reluctance to get into certain discussions, with more emphasis on the attempt to not let the conversation happen in the first place. A person prone to avoidance would prefer that the topic not come up and, if it does, may manifest the signs of withdrawal just described."{5}

In the article the author used an example of a man that withdraws from a conflict with his wife, because basically she is unsafe to continue with.

This is true for everyone in life - whether it be a boss, coworker, friend, family member, child or spouse.

I have seen signs of this in dicussion with others, and they were basically told WHY don't you just go to them, and TELL them how you feel! WHen they do and are raged upon, and then they are then asked if they requested this in a proper manner. The deal is most people that act like this are doing it for a purpose! They want the person to HUSH, and can find ways of making this happen very well. Sadly, on the other hand tell the partner they have communications issues because they never talk to them. LOL When the partner says that the supporters say - SEE THEY ARE TRYING! don't be so demanding!

The conclusion:

Each of these four risk factors (escalation, invalidation, negative interpretations, and withdrawal and avoidance) can build barriers in a marriage leading ultimately to loneliness and isolation. The research shows that couples that want a good marriage need to eliminate these risk factors from their marriage, or else the negative factors will overwhelm the positive aspects of the marriage. It is never too late to put your marriage back on track.

I think we can all agree that would awesome! The problem is that most people don't want to address any of these factors in any real way. They pussyfoot around them with "What ifs" from the party that is hurting. The strange part I find is YES I do agree with alot of what the article states, but when hurting parties come to their church for help........the church basically does this again to them - I also see them doing the characteristics of this article. Tell them they might fight wrong, make to make conclusions, must have a communication issue, and YES please mininize the damage from their words! TAKE IT TO THE LORD, and allow him to handle things!

Now if we can find ways of addressing things that are proven in the research then maybe we can make some headway in healing marriages. That would mean people need to take their heads of the sand, and be direct like Jesus was. NOT continue to find ways of blaming the person that is asking for help. Nothing wrong with looking towards yourself, and being more Christlike okay? When you place MOST of the load on the hurting party....well that is where the trouble gets started once again.

Its a good read and I recommend you read it in its entire form! The link is at the top of the article!

The Difference Between Hurt and Harm

The difference between hurt and harm


This is another video from Cloud and Townsend. Its called the Difference between hurt and harm. I thought it was a good one to remind people there is a difference, and so that next time the abuser says to you, "You hurt me when you do that" it may help placed things into prospective. Help place the guilt away, because it isn't needed. Alot of times we take unneeded and unwarranted guilt.

A word from a friend is better than a Kiss from an Enemy.

Divorce: Harmful to Kids and the Environment?

Divorce: Harmful to Kids and the Environment?

Mark Earley
Prison Fellowship President

Is divorce bad for children? The data strongly suggests that it is. There is no shortage of studies that show a correlation between divorce and what social scientists call "adverse outcomes," such as drug use, teen pregnancy, depression, and other bad things.

Yet, even with the data, many scientists and academics decline to tell people that they should stay married for the sake of children.

If Americans will not stay together for their children's sake, would they do it to save the planet?

That is the question being asked in the wake of a recent Michigan State study. Researchers there found that divorce "exacts a serious toll on the environment." How? It boosts "the energy and water consumption of those who used to live together."

Why this should be the case is not hard to understand: Divorce turns what used to be one household into two. The efficient use of resources, including money, that comes naturally to families living under the same roof no longer applies. In its place are two of just about everything. The researchers calculated that, as the result of divorce, an additional 38 million rooms had to be heated and lighted.

The impact of this divorce-induced consumption is not trivial, they say. The researchers calculated that if divorced couples had stayed married, the "United States would have saved 73 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity and 627 BILLION gallons of water"—and that's in 2005 alone.

That is approximately as much electricity as American households use in three weeks and nearly as much water as all of American industry uses in an entire year.

Clearly, the study's authors were right when they said that after blaming "industries for environmental problems," it is time to look at the impact of households. But if you are expecting environmental groups to emphasize or even mention getting and staying married as a way to "save the planet," well, you are mistaken.

The head of the Earth Policy Institute told the Washington Post that "shifting to more energy-efficient appliances is the answer, not trying to prevent divorce or trying to make divorce more difficult." In other words, get divorced if you like—just make sure your new home has an energy-efficient dishwasher and compact fluorescent light bulbs.

No surprise here. Environmentalism, as Los Angeles Times columnist Gregory Rodriguez puts it, increasingly resembles a "religious awakening." But, like most modern religions, its aim is to make the adherent feel righteous, not to be righteous.

Thus, given the choice between personal fulfillment and "saving the planet," the choice is easy: The environment joins the kids on the list of those things whose well-being is sacrificed on the altar of our autonomy. Just as our children have to settle for "quality time," "Mother Earth" will have to be content with energy-efficient appliances and a check to an environmental group. Any real sacrifice is for other people to make.

Of course, that does not change the impact that our choices have on both people and now, it seems, the planet. We can violate the moral order for only so long before the stones themselves begin to cry out.

Oh boy! When are they going to ask, "When will we hold people accountable for their actions so they can learn to die to themselves and become the person that God intended?" Oh that's right! That would mean the world coming out of denial...and we can't have THAT!

I don't have an issue with someone using less resources if you are one household, instead of two okay? It makes sense. The church needs to look at their accountability issues that they lack within the membership, and I bet that would make a huge DENT in this as well! I'm sorry but this article is called diversion - especially when you LOOK at WHOM wrote it! Dang! A prison ministry person? As if he can be 'clueless' in that area!

Its seems strange to me that the President of Prison Ministry that deals with broken families, and KNOWS first hand the church is pretty much doing swat in that area can make such an insane argument! You have to wonder what would have happened to those men in prison if they families were helped in the way the bible asks us to do. I'm assuming he ministered to men - could be both I guess tho. Same principal applies.

I wonder if this ministry of Prisoners ever watched the interviews that Oprah had with Susan Still's children.

Here is a link to her older son's interview that filmed the assault on his mother after being directed to by the father. LINK

He said abuse was like brushing your teeth in their home. Survival was key.

What about the younger son? You know the one that said:

Young Son: I think that was just another life. That was a different life, and I really don't think that the first eight years of my childhood happened.

Link Keep in mind you mind have to change video's to "witnessing abuse". They are both there.

Please..........Why don't you tell these children Mom should have stayed for the environment! Lets see if your sarcasm and mocking of the efficiency of appliances would go over well now.

I dare you!

Ask yourself something, and KEEP in mind this went on for over 50 minutes.....and the IF the hitting never happened - would it still be okay to stay?! We are talking about a pattern of behavior here! Do you seriously think staying for the environment instead of the church holding these monsters accountable would be the better choice? You see hitting doesn't have to happen for this scene to happen. Ask the people in prison which was worse to their souls! The popping or the words! How about you take their opinions to heart, instead of the personal opinions of YOU and others that think the same. In James 3 it states the tongue can give a deadly poison........and you say 'environment' or 'stay for the kids'. You want the cycle to continue? You want those kids growing up with KNOWING they protected their 'environment', because people like you are scared to step up and help?

Let me remind of the video that older child had to film - to keep the peace - to make sure he wouldn't be next. Environment........DAMN! Accountability is what is needed so their souls could be saved! Lets blame the parents and how they won't even give the children a better 'environment' instead. How nice.



You know started this? This 50 minute tirade, and only the LAST 10 minutes involved 'hitting'? She asked him what he would like for lunch! Nice huh?

How could life have been different if someone would have stepped up sooner in the life's you care for in prison? YEAH if they can't stay for the kids - stay for the environment! How about you listen to those children's interviews again..SHALL WE?

The video alone could have given her husband one year sentence. The fact her employer documented things has him sitting in prison for a long time.

Ulner is now serving 36 years in the Attica Correctional Facility. Lisa, the lawyer who helped put him there, says the video of him beating Susan would have gotten him just one year behind bars. Lynne's diligent notes and Susan's testimony led to his felony convictions, she says.

"A victim, her friends, her family, need to document what happens to them so that when they choose to come forward, we're ready to proceed and go forward and hold people accountable," Lisa says.

Susan urges women in her situation to keep track of any abuse they suffer at the hands of their partners. When it was time for Susan to testify, she says it was hard to remember all the times Ulner had hit her. "You have to remember how many times were you kicked. What was on their foot? How many times were you punched? Where were you punched? On a scale of 1 to 10, what was the pain?" she says. "You have to remember a lot."

Ulner? Her wrote a letter after this show aired. I'm sure the author would relate to him instead of her.......

After Susan's appearance on the show, Oprah received a four-page, handwritten letter from Ulner Lee Still responding to Susan's accusations. In the letter, Ulner takes full responsibility for his wrongdoing in the actual videotape—but claims there were evil demonic forces at work in the family's home, including "spirits."

Susan says she's not surprised by Ulner's statement. "I find it very interesting that he will accept responsibility for what happened on the video alone when [he did] so much more," she says. "[That] says a lot to me."

Last comment from the show:

If you don't have a safe place to stay with family or friends, seek out a shelter for battered women or a safe home. And if you have children, remember that they, too, have been torn from their home and their normal life. They might need help from counselors to deal with the trauma. "There is a whole community of support services with people like me ready to hold out a hand and say, 'Grab on. We're here for you,'"

It fills me with rage with I read this types of articles. I'm sure they are addressing all kinds of families, but when they are to chicken to take a strong stand on domestic abuse? Its a slap in the face. This man doesn't listen to the people he is has a ministry to. His ministry is FULL of these circumstances, and doesn't even give them a mention. THAT shows the denial of this issue within the church!

Want to know why people grab on to secular? That DV lady on the show said she would help.......what does the church say? Submit more? WOW!

Should I leave him or keep trying?

My husband has been physically abusing me for years. Counseling helps for a while, but his rage always comes back. Should I leave him or keep trying?

Link to good video on subject!