Saturday, March 07, 2009

Visions of Emotional and Verbal Abuse - Can you feel the humilation?

Posted by Hannah at 12:27 AM

From time to time I watch some brainless TV, and this last week I watched Extreme Home Makeover. ONE of my favorites! I was in the mood for a bit more feel good television, and the ABC program I was using suggested Super Nanny. I have never watched the show, but I had heard about it. I figured what the heck!

(This is part of a series of articles I wrote using this program.  Series of Emotional and Verbal Abuse your hear, feel, and see. to view the different topics)

I watched this show, and I realized this was a great example to show others about emotional abuse, and verbal abuse within the family. Keep in mind I will not show the entire show, but have broken it up in pieces to show different points.

I want to remind you that as most of us would - they are going to place their best foot forward since the cameras are on them. As with most people their behavior will be tame compared to what its like without the cameras present.

I'm not doing this to demonize anyone, and keep in mind this is mild...and this type of behavior is common among people that commit this type of domestic violence. Remember gender doesn't apply. It will show you how words can tear apart a family, and give you a hint that fists aren't the only weapon that can do the job!

Watch this clip below, and see if you can identify the following behaviors that are signs of possible domestic violence. Remember domestic violence is a pattern of behavior!

Keep mind these videos could trigger some people!

Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.

Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.

You notice how she is acting towards the end? She turns red, and his scratching herself. You can tell how many times she has heard this speech before.

He doesn't have problem thinking it is MORE than okay to humiliate his wife on national television. Her job is minimized because, "You don't do that much! I mean you sit on your rear end all day!" He feels entitled to his role, and also feels entitled to tell her what her job is. This type of attitude is very common, but most people aren't going to show it in this fashion. Abusive people do know that most of the world isn't going to accept this type of behavior.

Her contribution isn't the same as his. She giggles because she is nervous. Could it be shame? Humiliation? Beaten down, and doesn't want to go there anymore? I don't know which, because it could also be a fear of retaliation once those cameras leave if she stands up for herself.

Remember some of the signs to watch for in people that come to you for help!

Submissive behavior, lack of assertiveness
Excessive fear of conflict
Personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn)

Questions to her that you can see the answer to in her behavior!

Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?

This is our first introduction to the Davis family, and I will try to take this step by step. I want people to see things so maybe they can recognize it when someone comes to them for help.

Please don't think that this doesn't happen in Christian homes, because they aren't exempt! This is very mild behavior compared to what your contact could be experiencing within their home. Abusers do know they have to act a certain way around others, and they aren't likely to cross a personal boundary that is widely accepted when company is present. Phil Davis is different in that way, and I'm sure a bit more agressive behind the scenes.

Someone told me years ago that if an abuser doesn't have a problem with showing his abusive nature to the world it could be that he is a bit more dangerous than most. I have to agree with that statement. We do have stereotypes in our heads of WHAT an abuser looks like, and how we could point them out with time. They have spent their lifetime hiding that part, and showing the world the opposite for a reason. They want people to think they are good person, and don't want to call attention to that part of them. Its motive on their part. Remember they don't call this the silent killer for nothing!

The next couple of days I will be breaking up this show to point out certain behaviors, and show the pattern. Remember men aren't the only ones that do this.

Part Two Entitlement, Minimize and Divert

Part Three Abuser Tears Down the Children as Well

Visions of Emotional and Verbal Abuse - Can you feel the humilation?

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Anonymous said...

Hannah, thank you for sharing this vital information! Blessings!

Anonymous said...

The man doesn't want a family, he wants slaves. He's a tyrant; a dictator.
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Eph. 5:25

Hannah on 2:32 PM said...

He is an abuser, and he does get called out on the show. He is presently in counseling, and after the show child protective services was called on him. I don't know how far that will go, but I am glad he is getting the help he needs.

I will be presenting more clips soon.

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