Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Abuser tears down the children as well.

Posted by Hannah at 10:38 AM

This shows how abusive people can't let things go. Normally if you walk away they will find something else to fight about. Morgan walked away in the earlier clip, and you heard what he said. Things have calmed down since then. Remember how we are told to approach people AFTER they calm down? There isn't a good time for that because they aren't capable of calming down to that level we think of.

Now remember in the previous video he 'felt bad' about calling them names, and acting as he does. It doesn't stop them from continuing. It does show they KNOW, but that doesn't mean much!

(This is a series of articles using segments of the show Super Nanny, and with this family we have a Series of Emotional and Verbal Abuse your hear, feel, and see.  Click to see the different topics written on this program using this family as the example.)

Again remember some topic questions, and statements about identifying abusive behavior before watching this next clip. He attacks Morgan again, and then walks away with the 'whatever' attitude. Look for signs in this list below as well when realizing Mom's behavior in this clip:

avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
feel emotionally numb or helpless?
humiliate, criticize, or yell at you?
treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
blame you for his own abusive behavior?
see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
have a bad and unpredictable temper?
You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. But, the scars of emotional abuse are very real, and they run deep. In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. Furthermore, emotional abuse usually worsens over time, often escalating to physical battery.

Remember MOST churches say you truly need to wait until they hurt you physically in order to seek safety. This type of thing isn't as damaging as 'real abuse'.

Fear of the partner, references to the partner's anger
Personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn)
Excessive fear of conflict
Submissive behavior, lack of assertiveness
Depression, crying, low self-esteem

Remember these videos can trigger people!

When things aren't safe at home boys and girls will look for others to fill that need of comfort. I agree with the mother that a 14 year old girl shouldn't be with a 17 year old boy. As a teenager you have alot to deal with, and if you don't have the environment that is safe to ask questions?

The correct thing to do is NOT instigate things by asking about the necklace in the fashion he did. Dad says he is concerned because he isn't going to marry her. He attacks her appearance in a way that doesn't make conversations very easy to deal with. He tells her she dresses like a slut. Can you imagine how that child felt?

Is he acting like the proper role model when he says, "I should let you run with the dogs so you can get fleas!" How she is now not just LOOKING but ACTING like a whore! So now he has gone from how he doesn't like the boyfriend - to - she dresses like a slut - in addition - acts like a whore.

The reason mom may have NOT got involved is that she knew it would make matters worse. Since the children are her responsibility it will be her fault the girl dresses like a slut, and acts like a whore. He will then begin to tear mom down. You can't resolve things when you have someone acting like this. You can't have a decent conversation when he is looking to nail everyone to the cross for anything. You can't tell him to stop, because if you do it will blow up on you!

Making things bigger than they are is a common trait for an abuser. Remember he demands respect for his role in the family, and he is going to put people down to make sure they know how much they need him. He will point out everything he feels is wrong, and what started as a question about the necklace from the boyfriend? It now has turned into bigger things! She is now labeled as being a slut and whore.

Don't kid yourself if you think mom gets any better treatment. It effects people mentally, and they can't always take about a different approach. He will have issues with every approach. The key is power and control, and not resolution!

They know they can't stop him from doing it.

You can't reason with him when he is like this.

This child loves him, but he isn't safe to her.

They tell you they do this because they love you. Its for your own good. They aren't going to hold back to spare feelings. You need to see reality. COME live in the real world! Can't you handle the truth?

YES abusers tear down children as well. It would much harder to explain to them if they would 'change themselves' how the abuse would stop wouldn't it? Think about the younger children - do you think they would get it when asked to change? He will always have no problem telling you WHY he is justified! Its truly a hard dynamic to change when they feel entitled to this behavior.

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