Christian Manhood Illustrated

I came across an article called, The Truth about Men.  The author seems to feel that Christian Manhood can be Illustrated with this list of behaviors from women.
It’s articles like this that make me feel angry for the way some portray men.   It seems to follow the opinion that being a man of God depends on Women to make them so.  Everything women do, say, believe, act, etc. is responsible for how men become men.  For some reason men – they seem to hint – they are unable to handle the journey themselves with God’s help. God can’t transform them, but it is dependent on women to treat them just so.  This belief system is so childish.  GROW UP ALREADY!

A man NEEDS to be the man God has created him to be. Since the beginning of time, God has instructed man to tend, guard and care for all that was on the earth. It is only natural that he will have that very same desire to do the same for the woman he loves, so please let him. Scripture tells us that after God formed man, He fashioned woman and presented her to him as one of God's most precious gifts. Allow him to see you as the gift you were fashioned to be.

Being a man of God is dependent on the man, and their efforts toward being what God wishes them to be.  He can SEE the gift if he views women through the lenses God asks him to.  Its that simple!  The bible is very clear how we are to treat others EVEN if we don’t care for them.  Its not dependent on them at all.  We would never get anything done in God’s name if it were.  That’s just plain common sense!  This belief system is full of entitlement and narcissism.  Its not a biblical role!  It’s man made doctrine, and it will fail people because you don’t depend on God but others.

I’m not saying that as humans we can’t have others help us in life’s journey.  God placed people in our path for a reason – his reason.  We will all have people in our life's that are a source of encouragement among other things.  We will also have some that are a source of dread.  We can't use those people that bring hurt into our life's as an excuse NOT to be what God ‘fashioned’ us to be.  Our spiritual journey would halt before it even got started if we did!

THINK about that for a moment!  Do we need others to be a certain way to be proper Christian?  To be the way Jesus asks us to be?  That is what this author is saying.  Its not true for ANYONE!  For all the speeches on the ‘weaker vessel’, and the stereotypes they place out there about women?  Lets be honest and say if man were depend on woman?  IGNORING the fact that man teaches women are to be dependent on THEM (among stereotypes in the other direction)….we are all screwed!   The gender deal can’t do it for US!  Why is this so hard to wrap their heads around?

Notice how they left God out completely!  His word means nothing.  It becomes a tool for an agenda instead.

To me this type of thinking is considered tunnel vision.  I can only tend, guard and care for things IF they are as I need them to be. He is basically stating that others are responsible for his actions.  THEY MADE ME!  People in general tend to use this type of excuse all the time.  Its not just men.  Its been a popular way of thinking for ages – if not forever!  I can only treat people the way they need to be treated if they can be x, y and z.  In other words, our behavior is not dependent on what God asks of us but of our perceived treatment from others.  People in general will always be disappointed I have to admit.  Poor things.

Notice how Jesus treated those that were looked down upon in the society he was in at the time.  He saw them as God’s children WITHOUT the list of rules to ‘allow’ him to see them this way.  Jesus came because MAN is not capable of caring, guarding, and tending to this world the way it should be.  We need him.  The human race has a bad track record – YES even within the church – and the fault lays in sin. 

When Paul was jailed, and it was written that he converted his jailers.  Was it dependent on their treatment of him?  Did David become what God was leading him towards due to the treatment from Saul?  I would assume the jailers at one time, and YES Saul was beyond acting ugly.  If you apply this author’s way of thinking – it’s a wonder they got anything accomplished!

Can you imagine some poor man’s reaction to God once he reaches Heaven, and gives God the excuse that he didn’t treat women as you asked me too BECAUSE they didn’t let me FEEL my position as a MAN!  I need Christian Manhood Illustrated!  They didn’t HELP ME GOD!

I’m sorry but it reminds me of a whiner.  Doesn’t it?

This type of tunnel vision makes people weak and wimpy.  It makes us dependent on others to be the person God had in mind.  Humans will always fail us, so why concentrate on this dependency?  Let just say it…it’s a bigoted view, and helps no one.

Remember God makes ‘Godly’ men – not women!  The same principal applies the other way around.

God please help me see what you have in mind for me, and help me do as you wish me to do.  Help me pull off my own lenses of dependency on things that should not be.  In Jesus name…AMEN!

Narcississm - Its all about Him

Blog talk radio interview with Barbara from Sanctuary for the Abused, and she is interviewed about Narcissism.

All About Him speaks about what is a narcissist, and how to identify a narcissistic behavior.

This isn't a gender issue again, and its a good interview if you have questions about Narcissism.

It Takes Two To Tango!

I have heard and read way to often the 'two to tango' phrase when people were confronted by hurtful cruel acts of a person acting abusive. Remember ABUSE IS A PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR! I will admit at times early before I knew what I was dealing with I tended to engage with abusive people when I should have just choose another form of communication.

I don't know how many times I have heard people state to others that they don't have to fight. You make a choice NOT TO! What people didn't realize is that can backfire on you as well. It reminds me of the time in school in which a bully approached me in the lunch room, and I spoke to my mother about my fear. She told me I had a choice to turn and walk away. I told her this person would jump me at that point. Instead of acknowledging that point she told me not to be silly about this.

I think I learned from childhood how to detach from a situation, and I have to say it has its place. I won't tell you its the best way to handle things. I don't believe it is. I remember taking the advice about how to make that choice NOT to fight. I was then accused of ignoring, withdrawing, etc.

I was then told that I needed to use boundaries. No matter what HOLD your line! I wasn't asking for anything unreasonable. I was asking for communication without raging, name calling, blameshifting, etc. I learned a new lesson:

When you are again thrown off balance by your difficult person's words or behavior...you again get to relearn that hard lesson that is inevitably learned by everyone who tries to get close to a fool: To love a fool is like hugging a fan; you will only be sliced up in the process.

This 'it takes two to tango' really confused me at that point. Okay. I have tried all the above, and MORE..so much MORE! Him? If you look at that portion you will see that most people are cowards on that front. They did not fear my reaction to their advice, but it seems they were of his! Instead of acknowleding his behavior for what it was I was asked to 'change myself' only. I was given no validation that what he was doing was wrong. If it was mentioned it was pretty much in passing.

I have to wonder HOW people are to grow as others wish them to, and change in a way that is healthy when you can't acknowledge the dynamic that is there? I didn't fight back, and I got thrashed for it. I walked away and I got jumped just like the child in the lunch story I mentioned. I detached and I did see him for what he was, and I learned pretty quick at that point that the world COULDN'T!

Quote by Nancy Edwards that moved me.

Jesus is good and pure; our motives are always mixed.
Jesus speaks words of life; we speak words that protect our own sense of reality.
Jesus loves sinners and judges sin; we judge sinners and ignore sin.
Jesus is wise; we are dogmatic.
Jesus sees people’s hearts; we see their defenses.
Jesus is very attractive to needy people; we are often the last place they would come.

I remember that hint of blame towards me when I woke up. You know the saying! YOU are just looking for the easy way OUT! It takes TWO to TANGO!

You know how that made me feel?



I figured out that their answers were setting me up to lose. I could never win or even make any headway if they couldn't acknowledge the evil I was dealing with. I couldn't make it better if I molded myself into their perfect person that didn't do the dance of the tango. If I learned to NOT FIGHT, and detach myself from the venom and used boundaries ... take wouldn't change the dynamics.

If you can't acknowledge evil behavior you are just enabling it!

Sanctuary for the Abused had an article today that linked to another article called, Blaming the Victim of Narcissism.

Barbara at Sanctuary for the Abused had a comment to her post that I wanted to share:

A group of guerrilla fighters burst into an evangelical church, during Sunday service, in South America. "Everyone who proclaims to Love the Christ, must stay and be shot! the rest of you can leave."

Within minutes the church was nearly empty. The congregation exited out the windows and doors. In the end, only 3 remained; waiting to be killed.

The guerrilla fighters immediately threw down their guns and proclaimed:
"My fellow BRETHREN! now that we have rid ourselves of the hypocrites, let us worship our Lord in Truth!"

I think we all wonder if we would be the ones that fled, or the ones that stayed don't you think?

The three that remained at times remind me of the percentage of church goers that will acknowledge the dynamics of domestic violence in its true form. I look at the ones that preached to me about how I need to change myself, and yet they were afraid to acknowledge what was truly happening to me were hypocrites as well.

I have seen and heard from so many people feeling that they can't worship the Lord in Truth, because in their world there isn't any. People have told them they are JUST as evil, and they are looking for the easy way out. They are told to change themselves, and don't worry about your spouse. They see these huge hurtles and large mountains...and they are tired...they don't know if they can prove themselves any longer. They just aren't good enough for Jesus. The spirit is being stripped, and their sense of self worth is disappearing all together. They hear we are rags compared to Jesus..but that rag has an extra meaning that others can't comprehend. People stop them from feeling the love, compassion and mercy. I don't think those that are ignorant realize what a stumbling block they are handing these suffering people, nor do those people choose to view it to close either.

Barbara's article today is quoted as saying:

Since when is it good to be friendly with bad people? Since when is winking at their wrongdoing a virtue?

Perhaps someone can quote chapter and verse in the comments, because holier-than-thous really deserve to have their religion's true teachings show what frauds their twisting of religious doctrine makes them.

In the New Testament, in Revelations, I believe, in one of the letters to the churches, some holier-than-thou Christians are read the riot act for that very same pretense.

The author unloads both barrels at them with this truth: "Good people are not lukewarm toward evil.' Its says.

Cowards Are.

The article she linked to began:

The first thing the victims of narcissists need to know is that they are not to blame.

Not one bit.

In other words, he didn't get mad because dinner was was late. She didn't blow up because you are "too this" or "too that." You didn't "ask for it" by speaking up and saying that you deserved some attention and respect.

The narcissist attacked you just because you are there, period. Don't you have a right to be there?

Let's get real. Narcissists think they have a right to punish you just for being the way you are. Think, don't you have the right to be the way you are? Do you have to be some character in the narcissist's fiction that conforms to his or her specifications?

Does that make any sense? That's as hateful as the crime against humanity of attacking people just for being a certain KIND or nationality.

The narcissist attacks because he or she is a predator, period. Predators attack any vulnerable prey that crosses their sights, period. Therefore, the prey is NEVER the one bit to blame.

It would make as much sense to blame a sheep for getting attacked by a wolf. So what if the wolf says, "I attacked her because she is an obnoxious sheep!" What idiot falls for that line? Yet narcissist sympathizers are doing precisely this and are therefore being irrational.

The narcissist attacked just to do it, and he or she attacks any prey they have some unfair advantage over. They never pick a fair fight. They are bullies, period.

If people tell you that it takes two to tango...ask them when the behavior of the abuser would be acceptable? When is it acceptable to attack with rage, wrath, name calling, blameshifting? Why would they think their mininizing of that fact would be acceptable to Jesus? Would Jesus say it takes two to tango, or would he call out evil for what it is!

Abuse Changes how you Grow

I found this video on Godtube called "Abuse Changes how you Grow", and I realize she is speaking to those that have experience child abuse. To me it helped as I look back on my life, and look at other experiences I had in life. It also helps me view abusers in a different wasy as well. I think at times when you start to understand things you learn to deal with them differently. To me it helps shows me the brokeness of the person who feels they are strong...when they aren't.



You can move on and learn to view things in life in a healthier fashion. Abuse can warp how we view things, and so YES abuse does change how you grow!

Perfect Example of Narcissism

This man makes me sick to listen to his ME ME ME attitude of pure Narcissism! Gale Warnings posted this audio, and has more information about these messages on the blog.




You change the situation around a bit, and it sounds like some preachers I have heard about! I found a list called the Narcissiam checklist for pastors, but I think it applies in other areas of our lifes as well!

I thought it was a perfect example of Narcissism! What do you think?

Family Court Crisis; Our Children at Risk

This video below is about 43 minutes, and it shows the breakdown of the legal system in the family court. Along with personnel it shows the stories of 2 ladies and 1 gentlemen, and how the system isn't working for the rights of the children. How they want to bring about chance, instead of lining the pockets of lawyers, mediators, therapists and the rest.


2008 Family Law Documentary

www.CenterForJudicialExcellence.org
As part of our ongoing effort to educate and engage the community, the Center for Judicial Excellence recently produced a 42-minute documentary addressing the serious systemic breakdown of our family courts.

Family Court Crisis: Our Children At Risk features personal testimony from individuals who have experienced the pitfalls of our family law system and expert evaluations of what has gone wrong. The video was screened on the East Coast as part of the fifth annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference on January 12, 2008. www.BatteredMothersCustodyConference.orgAdvocacy

We are taking our efforts to Sacramento! CJE is introducing the idea of a Judicial Performance Evaluation (JPE) program for California to our State legislators. JPE programs already exist in 19 other states and are generally popular among judges and voters alike where they have been established.

Colorado and Alaska are two great examples of states with successful JPE programs. To learn more about JPEs visit the Institute for the Advancement of the American Legal System (University of Denver) online or click here to download a one-page pdf about CJE's advocacy work.

Divorce Court With Juanita Bynum

I heard about this, and saw that it was on Youtube!



Juanita Bynum on Divorce Court 1

Juanita bynum on divorce court 2

Juanita bynum on divorce Court 3

Juanita Byum on Divorce Court 4

Juanita Bynum on Divorce Court 5

Juanita Bynum on Divorce Court 6

Juanita Bynum on Divorce Court 7

Juanita Bynum on Divorce Court 8

Juanita Bynum On Divorce Court 9

The woman's place....

Katherine Gunn of A Voice in the Desert has a very good article on the woman's place!

Here is a portion at the beginning!

The Hebrew word used in Genesis 2:18, 20 to describe Eve is 'ezer.' According to Strong's Concordance, this Hebrew word is used in the following verses: a) Isaiah 30:5, Ezekiel 12:14 and Daniel 11:34 to describe groups or nations that Israel, mainly, were leaning on instead of leaning on God; 2) Exodus 18:4, Deuteronomy 33:7, 33:26, 29, Psalm 20:2, 33:20, 70:5, 89:19, 115:9, 10, 11, 121:1, 2, 124:8, 146:5, and Hosea 13:9 to describe God's relationship to Israel. In the Genesis verses, it is translated meet (KJV), while in all the other verses, it is translated help (KJV).


Hmm... so the word used is not a subservient one - unless we are prepared to take the position that God's role with Israel was subservient! The image I get from this is one who stands with - not behind, not sits under - stands with someone and helps them.

Very good blog, and this article is worth the read! CHECK OUT IT!

Submit to even abuse, because God will honor you!

I'm sickened by a moderator on a board coming to the women's forum to step in, and tell women to stay and pray. Truly sickened!

He starts with:

This is going to be one of those rare times when, as a leader on this board, a man is going to post in the ladies forum. But in this case I think it important because there are just some things being said in here that require it.

I asked this question of a lady that disagrees with me on this matter and I'll ask here as well.

Which do you figure more important in God's eyes. The relationship between a slave and master or a husband and wife? It seems an insane question doesn't it. But we know the answer because we know the importance of a covenant relationship and the weight God puts behind such relationship.

Let's forget all of the emotional and worldly logic here and let's see what the Bible has to say about stuff just like this. I know that the world is going to tell you all sorts of thing and I know if you are being abused in any fashion... those ways are going to sound like a relief. But are those ways biblical ways and if we are going to offer someone advice let's offer them honest biblical advice. On the Internet, you are going to get folks that come in and share their problems in marriage. The big problem here is that you are simply hearing only one side of the issue. Often times that is skewed, even unintentionally, by the person telling their problem. They are frustrated and at their wits end and it is easy to sort of stretch things a bit or leave some important information out. But that being said... biblical advice holds true at all times... regardless of anything else.


1 Peter 2:18 Household slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel.
19 For it brings favor if, because of conscience toward God, someone endures grief from suffering unjustly.
20 For what credit is there if you endure when you sin and are beaten? But when you do good and suffer, if you endure, it brings favor with God.
21 For you were called to this because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you should follow in His steps.
22 He did not commit sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth,
23 when reviled; He did not revile in return; When suffering, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to the One who judges justly.
24 He himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that, having died to sins, we might live for righteousness; by His wounding you have been healed.
25 For you were like sheep going astray, but you have now returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls.


Now look... I know that folks are thinking, "HEY Ken! I am not a slave nor is my husband my master so this just isn't applicable!

That person was correct. When the scripture starts out talking about slaves, and then goes to wives – then husbands most would assume that they are addressing those parties separately. I mean either that or does all scripture apply to everyone – if so why all the talk about roles?

Scripture also mentioned something else about slaves: 1Co 7:21Were you a slave when you were called? That shouldn't bother you. However, if you have a chance to become free, take it.

Notice it doesn’t say to stay and take it there.

We all know there will be times of suffering, and there isn't going to be solutions to had! That is when you rely on God ONLY, and in other situations its okay to lean on others along with God. He is never out of the picture, but we must not downsize the value of fellowship! God handed us that great tool as well!

Now look... I know that folks are thinking, "HEY Ken! I am not a slave nor is my husband my master so this just isn't applicable!

Sure it is guys and this is IMPORTANT and it is BIBLICAL so please... listen to what Scripture teaches us here.

1 Peter 3:1 Wives, IN THE SAME WAY, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the Christian message, they may be won over without a message by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives.

I know that it is so easy to swallow much of the worldly advice that is given by the television shrinks and even folks within this thread. It sounds good to your flesh because your flesh is miserable in your marriage and this sounds like such a better way to do things. The problem... it isn't the biblical way to do things. Any woman... wanting to truly be a godly wife is going to be the woman that submits to her husband PERIOD. Even the ones that we like to label jerks and mean men. IF YOU ENDURE it then you will find favor with God. There is great reward for this even though here in the nasty now and now... it might not be such a pleasant time.

I have to wonder if moderator's on faith board like the (Thread was removed) Bible Forums and their moderator Ken realize the are enabling abusive behavior. Jesus's followers (besides Jesus himself) endured abuse for a purpose, and I have to wonder if enabling an abuser and what those people did he thinks is in the same realm??

Where does he find that if you 'endure' you will find favor is God? No where. It just makes me sick. That is what I called Spiritual or Religious abuse. Jesus came to take our burden, and not add to our load. Enduring abuse is just that. We endure things for a purpose, and because faith followers don't know what to do with abusers and don't want their divorce rates to go up anymore.........isn't purpose!

Honor Killings In Texas - Father murders his daugthers

The Qur’an or Islamic tradition does not sanction honor killings. Honor killing has nothing to do with Islam, but is merely a feature of Islamic culture in some areas. Please keep in mind there are good people within this faith, and then they are some that taken things to the extreme...just like any faith!

Police are looking for Yaser Abdel, and below is a video of pictures of his different looks that he may use.



The video I found at Atlas Strugs who also have a good story about this event.

Human Events also have a story on this recent event of an honor killing of his two daugthers, Amina and Sarah Said (may they rest in peace).

The Lewisville cab driver had been suspected of abuse in the past, according to the Dallas News. He was accused of sexual abuse when they were children, and it was recanted later by them. Some feel out of intimidation, and according to the brother:

During the vigil, the girls’ brother took the microphone, saying his father did not kill his sisters.

“They pulled the trigger, not my dad,” he said.

That shows the power and control and fear of this man. It shows the mind bending that this man did also towards his son. I'm not excusing the son, or saying that he is justified in what he mentioned...its just sad to see how abuse can be continued to the next generation in this fashion. The brother blames the boyfriends for this happening, and NOT his father!

What seems the saddest part of all is the fact that these girls reached out for help some teachers at school as well. They kept reaching out and it seems it was in vain.

America's Most Wanted Show also has a story about this tragic event, along with Fox News as well.

My prayers are with this family, and everyone involved.

Congratulations to Sanctuary for the Abused Blog!

Sanctuary for the Abused has hit a mark of 300,000 hits on her blog! I personally wanted to congratulate her for such an awesome milestone!

Barbara covers just about every aspect of abuse you can think of, and finds resources that have helped many over the years. She is good person - herself - as well. We have emailed each other over the years, and I have always been highly impressed with her!

I started to notice her posts first on a verbal abuse board that came across when I first started my journey. She would post resources for us all, and the information she found was incredible! She has been giving to others for a long time, and she did this as she was suffering herself in the most awful ways from her own abuser.

If you are looking for resources on abuse, and extra aspects like porn, Narcissism, child abuse, personality disorders and much MUCH more please check out her blog! She won't disappoint you!

One nice thing is that you know this information is coming from someone with a big heart, knowledge and character! She is doing this to help others, and give them the information they need to do what needs to be done in their own life's. Always respecting the differences of every one's path!

Check her out, and give her a plug! She certainly deserves!

CONGRATULATIONS Barbara! WOO HOO!

P.S. She was my inspiration to start my own blog!

What Makes Narcissists Tick: "Responsibility" Wrap: Narcissist Hurts You to Make YOU Guilty of the Sin of Feeling the Pain

What Makes Narcissists Tick: "Responsibility" Wrap: Narcissist Hurts You to Make YOU Guilty of the Sin of Feeling the Pain

Barbara of SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED gave me a link to this article referenced above. Is a very well written and to the point article! Thank you Barbara! She has an awesome blog, and a HUGE library of articles, references and links on all kinds of aspects of abuse. I recommend her blog very highly, and she is a true person herself as well! She actually inspired me to start my blog!

Below is a part of the article, and I encourage you to go and read it on the author's blog to get the whole message! Christians are often told in abusive relationships that their FEELINGS get in the way to much. This article helps wipe that myth away, and tell us that there is nothing wrong with feelings. I think that is very important Don't you?

But narcissists aren't the only people who refuse to grow up and quit clinging to the cherished myth that they can make unhappy feelings go away and make them into happy ones instead. Many people cling to this belief that "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" because I am strong and I have high self-esteem, when really all I have is a habit of lying to myself.

One thing I remember about the Bible is how virtually anything can be "uncircumcised." Like your heart. Your eyes. Your ears.

In fact, according to the Bible, things that are circumcised can suddenly get uncircumcised. Kinda calloused-over with some crusty shield.

So, I had a hard time figuring out exactly what this figure of speech means. But, like a dog with a bone, I kept at it till I got it.

Nothing uncircumcises a head faster than stating the simple, self-evident truth that we cannot control our feelings, that feelings are not conduct and therefore cannot be right or wrong.

Just state that plain truth to many people and you can almost see it happening: that person's forehead suddenly gets thick as a brick. Reason bounces off it like missiles bounce off an Abrams tank

They act like they didn't even hear what you said. They just come back with, "But" and a reply that assumes you can control your feelings and that certain ones are sins.

How's that for being blockheaded? They can't even give you an answer - just nothing but this complete dodge all the time.

Which is absurd. Feelings are sensations, emotional sensations. You cannot alter sensations (except with hallucinatory drugs and hypnosis). If you get burnt, you should feel burned. If you don't, something is wrong with you. If the narcissist punches you in the face, he is responsible for your pain, not you. If he forces you to your knees and shoves your face into garbage he threw all over the floor, he is the one responsible for your anger, not you.

To think otherwise is incredibly stupid. The cause of a sensation is the stimulus that produces it, not the mind of the person who experiences it.

The worst thing about repressing unwanted feelings is that burying them locks them inside. They never go away then! Just as normal physical pain motivates action and then passes, normal feelings motivate action and then pass whether action has been taken or not.

But denied pain paralyzes and then just festers in the subconscious, motivating negative behavior (usually passive-aggressive behavior) like an unseen puppet master. And not just against the abuser - but rather against any available target, people who had nothing to do with the person who abused you. Hence we see many people subconsciously getting even with a parent by mistreating their spouse decades later.

That's crazy.