Biblical Duty and a Father's love he said!

I found this article on Religion and child abuse.

For three hours Tuesday, Robert Hale blamed his wife and family for his troubles, denied ever assaulting his children, and said he only "gave corrections" out of biblical duty and a father's love.


Then the judge cut him off, called him a liar, and sent him to prison on a 14-year sentence for rape, coercion and incest.

Thus did Papa Pilgrim's long journey end this week in an Anchorage courtroom.

Church Speak

Rev. Mears on People Helping People Ministries has an article called "Church Speak" or What Language does your church speak!

I really think he did a good job of showing how some churches use certain terms to basically get you to BEND to their way, and encourage you to keep your mouth shut!

The question he asked was a very good one!

If you have noticed “church-speak” being used within your faith community to convey their message, what has the impact been on you and others around you?

I wanted to take a couple of his examples in his article that I personally could relate to. I draw from not only my personal experiences, but those I hear from on regular basis...or even just ONCE!

Angry: What a person is deemed to be when they tell the truth about something that has happened. Because you are "angry" and have a "bitter spirit" your legitimate concerns and issues can be written off and ignored. After all, "you are the one with the problem", not the actual offender, especially if the offender is a pastor or elder.

How often have victims of abuse been in this place? They encourage you to come with your burdens, but you had better DARN well say them in a fashion they feel is proper!

I have come along some pretty wicked articles aimed towards abused people, and in their attempt to reach out they may have said something out of frustation. The response is more of, "What you think you are an angel or something?" They also never address the concerns they came with. They are more concerned with HOW they have been approached.

A Family matter: When the church leadership doesn't want the embarrassment of public disclosure in the community at large regarding a scandal in the church, that scandal becomes a "family matter" and is not to be discussed with people outside of the church or group. That the community at large has a vital and legitimate interest in the matter is ignored, even when the matter involves wrong-doing such as criminal sexual conduct, child or wife abuse, a suspicious death and so on. In such cases the primary reason for something to be "a family matter" is so the leadership or church can "save face".

LOL or not deal with it! Denial, Diversion, etc! This one always blows me away! I just don't understand it. I mean the bible states we are to bring things into the light, and for all kinds of sinful reasons they feel it shouldn't see the 'light of day'

A Jezebel Spirit: (1) A term used specifically to describe a woman who is "unteachable". (2) Also used to describe a woman in the congregation or group who has the audacity to seek to publicly expose the unwanted and unasked for sexual harassment she received from the pastor or other prominent male church member. Such harassment usually fits the definition of a criminal sexual offense as defined by statute law, and exposure would result in negative publicity in the community at large.

Oh yeah! Major BLECK!

Teachable: You are "teachable" when you passively accept what you are taught without questioning the exegesis or logic.

We don't want to take sides: This phrase is used to avoid making any decision at all which would deal with the abuse which was taking place in the situation.

If you read the entire article I sure some of what this author writes will strike a cord with you.

For me it seems that others use these things to take the burdens off themselves, and place them on others. It like what Jesus describes when he speaks in Matthew:

Matthew 23:1-13 GW Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, (2) "The scribes and the Pharisees teach with Moses' authority. (3) So be careful to do everything they tell you. But don't follow their example, because they don't practice what they preach. (4) They make loads that are hard to carry and lay them on the shoulders of the people. However, they are not willing to lift a finger to move them. (5) "They do everything to attract people's attention. They make their headbands large and the tassels on their shawls long. (6) They love the place of honor at dinners and the front seats in synagogues. (7) They love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have people call them Rabbi. (8) But don't make others call you Rabbi, because you have only one teacher, and you are all followers. (9) And don't call anyone on earth your father, because you have only one Father, and he is in heaven. (10) Don't make others call you a leader, because you have only one leader, the Messiah. (11) The person who is greatest among you will be your servant. (12) Whoever honors himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be honored. (13) "How horrible it will be for you, scribes and Pharisees! You hypocrites! You lock people out of the kingdom of heaven. You don't enter it yourselves, and you don't permit others to enter when they try.




Now only to churches come across as scribes and Pharisees, but they missed the point of servant leadership that Jesus speaks about. In today's world I have to wonder if that is why most don't seek to be become part of the body of Christ seen in churches. At times they can sure mention alot of awesome scripture, and when comes down to it........they can't call sin a sin, and goodness knows you had better not question them GENTLY or otherwise!

I see that is the biggest debit of the church at times, and they wonder why most don't follow them. I don't see the gentle rebuke most of the time do you? I see others coming down HARD on people, and try to tell you it is out of LOVE! I sure see alot of judgement, stereotypes, and lack of compassion in alot of areas. The church is so gifted in some areas, but others they fail miserably.

If effects people in all walks of life, but sadly it effects the church as whole to me. They aren't being the effective ministers to lead those to the truth, because maybe they are confused as to what it is themselves!

Saturday Night Special - Warning PG at best - Domestic abuse

This blogger wrote a poem about Domestic abuse in her life.

But, please know through my faith in God I have not only
survived.....I have a happy life.

Jackie Hooper

Tattern and torn with eyes that mourn
she stood with eyes aglaze always alone;
in the only prison she'd ever known.
Trapped by forces of trust, that were merely dust,
she stood mighty and strong
and wondered what she'd done wrong?
He put her there to keep her near.
Her only guilt--she'd been to0 sincere
in desperation and stupidity of youth,
she thought he to be one of truth.
Long since she escaped his twisted ways;
long ago, thousands of days.
But, still the wounds ground forever in her soul;
everyday she still wakes--she pays the toll.
Jackie Hooper 2005

Additional Poems:
You can't
What It Means To Be A Victim
A Chosen Vessel
Will You Love me To Death
Shattered Pieces
Recycled Rose
Saturday Night Special
Walls

Violence Among Us: Ministry to Families in Crisis

Focus Ministries came out with a book called, "Violence Among Us Ministry to Families in Crisis"

In the Christian community, one in every four women experiences family violence. As the awareness and incidence of domestic violence increase, however, pastors find themselves ill-equipped to deal with the crisis. There is very little training, if any, provided in seminary on this subject. The challenge for every pastor and counselor is to go beyond a casual awareness of the problem to the harsh reality of this epidemic, to move past apathy to conviction, and to turn empathy into compelling action.

Some of the reviews of the book so far include:

“Here is a book that exposes the well hidden secret of abuse within the home – yes, even the Christian home! As a pastor I have long ago concluded that those of us in leadership must create an atmosphere where victims can safely tell their story and get the help they need. My prayer is that this book will be widely read and be used to give mothers and children the courage to go for help rather than suffer the long term consequences of abuse. And those who read this book will be ready to provide a helpful response when the need arises.” —Dr. Erwin W. Lutzer, Senior Pastor, The Moody Church, Chicago, IL

"I have known Brenda Branson and Paula Silva for many years. They have a track record that is unexcelled when it comes to understanding the issue of domestic abuse. I always have found their work to be impeccable and their insights to be intelligent. Violence Among Us: Ministry to Families in Crisis is no exception. I highly recommend it to pastors, women's ministry directors, Sunday School teachers and any layperson who cares about the families around them who, often behind closed doors, are imploding with abuse. Someday, we all will give an account for what we have done in this life, so may we be educated and responsible in our response to the victims of abuse and their abusers." —Jan Silvious, author, Foolproofing Your Life

Looks like an awesome book! Click on link above, and order it today!

Rise in number of abused haredi women

Bayis Cherpah B'Yisrael blog noted the following story. They are asking for stories that you may share in confidence!

Please go to this blog, and share your story!


New generation of rabbis encouraging battered Orthodox women to seek help, involve police. Welfare minister: Conspiracy of silence on this issue slowly being broken

David Regev Published: 10.11.07, 12:59 / Israel Jewish Scene

The number of calls made to hotlines for victims of domestic violence in the Orthodox community has increased three-fold over the past few years, Yedioth Ahronoth reported Thursday.

The number of haredi women who called the hotlines jumped from 477 in 2004 to 1,402 in 2007, while the number of women who were housed in shelters for battered women each month nearly doubled, from 24 to 40 on average.

Attorney Noah Korman, who established the first shelter for abused haredi women in 2000 and opened a second one two years later said, "The phenomenon of violence against women exists in the Orthodox community just as it does in any other, but it was not made public as it was in the secular sector. Haredi women preferred to keep it secret. It must be remembered that domestic violence brings great shame on an Orthodox family."

According to him, haredi women turned to the hotlines and shelters as a last resort.

"Women who arrived here did so after suffering years of abuse, when they felt they were in danger and could not take it anymore," Korman said.

'It's strictly forbidden to beat a woman'

He said the change in the rabbis' position regarding the phenomenon was also instrumental encouraging more abused women in the community to seek help.

"Haredi women are becoming more and more aware of the dangers related to domestic violence, and the new generation of rabbis is encouraging them to file complaints and break the cycle (of violence)," Korman said.

David Yosef, the rabbi of Jerusalem's Har Nof neighborhood and the son of Shas spiritual leader Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, declared on Wednesday that it was "strictly forbidden to beat a woman.

"If the need arises to involve the police in this matter, then they should be involved," he said.

Korman said most of the violent incidents against haredi women take place on Shabbat due to the fact that on weekdays the men are usually studying at yeshiva or tending to other matters.

He said that in many cases the violence erupts at the Shabbat diner table, adding that many of the haredi women arrive at the shelters with their children, "sometimes with nine or 10 of them".

On Wednesday Welfare Minister Issac Herzog visited a shelter for battered haredi women for the first time.

"The conspiracy of silence regarding violence against Orthodox women is slowly being broken, and we plan on helping them as best we can," he said.

Pick: Men Stopping Violence, an organization dedicated to ending men’s violence against women

Men Stopping Violence Article

I saw this article my Al Miles on this blog, and I personally don't wish to speak of STATS! Lets face facts...the world downplays abuse no matter WHOM is being abused!

It was a good read worth looking at!

Wake Up Kitty - I wanted to throw in some humor today!

I saw this video this morning, and I bet if our pets were capable of what this author's kitty can do........lol they would do it! Anyone with a hungry pet should be able to relate! Thank GOODNESS pets are capable huh?

Growing crisis of domestic abuse in the church

Therapist Unlimited Blog brought my attention to the story of Rev. Unnia Pettus, Ph.D.


For the full story LINK

After years of emotional and physical abuse behind closed doors, and both being seen as active Christians.......she tried to kill herself to escape.

I found another blog called Unity First that spoke about the book she wrote.

Article from the Washington Post about her had a quote:

"The fact of the matter is what happens in the broader community can happen within the body of Christ," said the Rev. Jonathan Weaver, pastor of Greater Mount Nebo African Methodist Episcopal Church. "The church is not a haven for saints, but a hospital. For the longest time, talking about domestic violence has been off-limits, but it is a vexing problem plaguing our community."

Here is a link to her book at Amazon