Monday, February 16, 2009

Domestic Violence Self Defense Lashing Back - do people grasp the difference?

Posted by Hannah at 12:34 PM

Do people not grasp the difference between self-defense and lashing back in anger?

I'm sure most of you have heard about the situation with Rihanna and Brown in the news. Beyond the glitz and the glamour that engulfed the lives of Rihanna and Brown, who until now had an image of a wholesome lovey-dovey couple, there is the central question of domestic violence. There are all kinds of questions as to what really happened. What seems to sicken me is this continuing attitude of, "What did she do to provoke this?"

Notes of This Native Son was writing about a debate he was having regarding when it is okay to hit a women? Let me be clear about something! When we are talking self-defense when being attacked - you pull out all the stops! No man, woman or child should NOT feel they couldn’t defend themselves when in danger! I don't care who it is that is attacking you!

The problem comes with some of these parties that try to give examples to show when its okay to beat the daylights out of someone! These examples are NOT self-defense!

Here is what the author stated in part of his article:

Largely I was in the minority, both my male and female said there are instances when a man has the right to beat the crap out of a woman. I found the women to be more aggressive in their stance and quite frankly state that “if a woman wants to act like a man she can get hit like a man.”

One scenario described a man sleeping and his significant other boils a pot of hot water, or grits whatever your preference may be and throws the contents of the scalding hot pot on the man. Does he have the right to lay his hands on her?

Another scenario described was in the context of a monogamous relationship and your lover infects you with herpes. Does a man have the right to cause physical harm to the woman after she has infected him with a life long disease?

In my opinion this is a simple answer, no matter how convoluted the hypothetical becomes. No! No a man does not have the right nor should he be justified in laying his hands on a woman no matter what the circumstance.

The author is correct when he says he is surprised at especially women's opinions on this.

The example of the boiling water, getting thrown on someone, I have to say I think it is just ridiculous to insinuate that a woman has the right to hurt, maim, and injure a man, but he cannot defend himself. If I walk up to my husband and punch him in the face, is it really fair to say that because I am a woman I should be able to get away with it. No, not at all. I think we have a horrible double standard where that is concened. If you put your hands on me, then I am going to put my hands on you right back. Now there are very clear instances where it is abuse, and we all know the difference, but if you hit someone and get hit back, that’s self defense, better yet, that’s a fight. I see movies all the time of women slapping the crap out of their husband and boyfriends because they cheat.

You notice the diversion tactics in this statement? It is VERY common! The author didn't say a WORD about its okay to hurt, maim and punch someone in the face with no repercussion! NOT A WORD! This is a very common tactic that is used to show the 'double standard' that clearly wasn't presented in what he said. Punching the woman out isn’t self-defense it’s lashing back!

Personally, I would be more concerned over the man's injuries and health after being a victim of hot water burns. You can't compare the woman that slaps her partner due to him cheating, and having boiling water thrown on you. She shouldn't be slapping either for cheating, but there is a HUGE difference here! He is going to have serious damage from the hot water, and in most cases the man slapped over cheating ISN'T! I don't think either case would be a good one to turn around and punch her lights out in return. Just because you can't doesn't justify her actions! Don’t people grasp the connection there?

I remember a time in high school in which the population of our town surged to quick for the school district to keep up. I remember the first year this happened the children in some ways were in control at school. Our Cafe for lunch was a huge room, and if a food fight broke out you had to take cover. The staff would lock us in, and the food line doors would close. You had to sit and wait for it to calm down before the staff would come in. The problem with being on the inside is some people took that as a green light to become aggressive. It was kind of like how they say people change during riots.

My friends and I from my social groups quickly learned to get UNDER the lunch table for cover! There were about 20 of us - both girls and boys - and the first time it happened someone approached me in an aggressive manner. I was pulling my chair out to jump under the table when someone ran into me, and I think they felt I the pulled my chair out on purpose. I didn't even know they were there! They pushed me, and I felt I had no choice but to PUSH back! I remember after they left and I flew under the table my friends giggling at me, "WOAH Hannah! I have NEVER seen that side of you before! You scared ME!" Yes, they were teasing me but knew at the same time.

I remember warning my mother about the atmosphere at school in case she got a call from the principal’s office about me fighting! It was so outside my personality type, but I wasn't going to take it lying down. I felt the right to defend myself! My mother's response was na├»ve as well! Shall we look at the other side of this?

Mom: Hannah! Seriously! All you have to do is walk away! There is no reason to feel you have to fight or defend yourself in that manner! JUST walk AWAY!

Hannah: Mom, did you hear me when I told you what happened? I didn't start this! If I turned and walked away from that kid they would have JUMPED ME!

Mom: Don't be silly. That would never happen! Just walk away!

Hannah: Mom! My high school is NOT the southern belle land you grew up in!

Mom: I hope I don't get a call from school Hannah.

YES I was a bit testy that day! It scared me to death! I was more frustrated due to the fact she wasn't hearing me! Mom at times liked to place blinders on when she didn't want to deal with things. She diverted as well just like the lady talking about WHEN it’s okay to punch back! Both of them are WRONG!

My point was I got aggressive with the other student, because I felt if I didn't I would be attacked. I felt I had no choice but to come OUT of my comfort zone, and try to push back a bit to get them to lay off. It was a risk I felt I had no choice but to make at that point. It was that or risk being well PUNCHED out for no reason. I didn’t punch them, but I did take an aggressive stand!

YES I lashed back in self-defense, but I didn’t lash back because someone ticked me off! I didn’t lash back because you hurt me so I am going to hurt YOU! I defended myself because I felt threatened. Chances are the guy that got slapped isn’t feeling threatened! He is MAD, but in MOST cases he isn’t threatened! The hot water example mentioned? I think medical attention is a smarter option to go for, unless she has a second hot pot waiting for you! If you feel she is a threat of further harm in that fashion? OH YES! Defend yourself! She has already acted like a NUT!

I will admit I have seen double standards. The examples they wrote about aren’t. They silly examples of how we can twist things to show one, and they failed miserably. My mother’s reaction is one that is similar to the church response. Walk away. The second is the secular response. Lash back!

To me it’s another hurtle to jump over if people can’t grasp the self-defense, and lash back factor. I think the secular is lash back, and the church response? Denial.

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Anonymous said...

You'll like these H

Hannah on 10:05 AM said...

Thank you Barbara! You certainly do have some awesome articles!

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