Saturday, January 05, 2008

Divorce: Harmful to Kids and the Environment?

Posted by Hannah at 6:36 PM

Divorce: Harmful to Kids and the Environment?

Mark Earley
Prison Fellowship President

Is divorce bad for children? The data strongly suggests that it is. There is no shortage of studies that show a correlation between divorce and what social scientists call "adverse outcomes," such as drug use, teen pregnancy, depression, and other bad things.

Yet, even with the data, many scientists and academics decline to tell people that they should stay married for the sake of children.

If Americans will not stay together for their children's sake, would they do it to save the planet?

That is the question being asked in the wake of a recent Michigan State study. Researchers there found that divorce "exacts a serious toll on the environment." How? It boosts "the energy and water consumption of those who used to live together."

Why this should be the case is not hard to understand: Divorce turns what used to be one household into two. The efficient use of resources, including money, that comes naturally to families living under the same roof no longer applies. In its place are two of just about everything. The researchers calculated that, as the result of divorce, an additional 38 million rooms had to be heated and lighted.

The impact of this divorce-induced consumption is not trivial, they say. The researchers calculated that if divorced couples had stayed married, the "United States would have saved 73 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity and 627 BILLION gallons of water"—and that's in 2005 alone.

That is approximately as much electricity as American households use in three weeks and nearly as much water as all of American industry uses in an entire year.

Clearly, the study's authors were right when they said that after blaming "industries for environmental problems," it is time to look at the impact of households. But if you are expecting environmental groups to emphasize or even mention getting and staying married as a way to "save the planet," well, you are mistaken.

The head of the Earth Policy Institute told the Washington Post that "shifting to more energy-efficient appliances is the answer, not trying to prevent divorce or trying to make divorce more difficult." In other words, get divorced if you like—just make sure your new home has an energy-efficient dishwasher and compact fluorescent light bulbs.

No surprise here. Environmentalism, as Los Angeles Times columnist Gregory Rodriguez puts it, increasingly resembles a "religious awakening." But, like most modern religions, its aim is to make the adherent feel righteous, not to be righteous.

Thus, given the choice between personal fulfillment and "saving the planet," the choice is easy: The environment joins the kids on the list of those things whose well-being is sacrificed on the altar of our autonomy. Just as our children have to settle for "quality time," "Mother Earth" will have to be content with energy-efficient appliances and a check to an environmental group. Any real sacrifice is for other people to make.

Of course, that does not change the impact that our choices have on both people and now, it seems, the planet. We can violate the moral order for only so long before the stones themselves begin to cry out.

Oh boy! When are they going to ask, "When will we hold people accountable for their actions so they can learn to die to themselves and become the person that God intended?" Oh that's right! That would mean the world coming out of denial...and we can't have THAT!

I don't have an issue with someone using less resources if you are one household, instead of two okay? It makes sense. The church needs to look at their accountability issues that they lack within the membership, and I bet that would make a huge DENT in this as well! I'm sorry but this article is called diversion - especially when you LOOK at WHOM wrote it! Dang! A prison ministry person? As if he can be 'clueless' in that area!

Its seems strange to me that the President of Prison Ministry that deals with broken families, and KNOWS first hand the church is pretty much doing swat in that area can make such an insane argument! You have to wonder what would have happened to those men in prison if they families were helped in the way the bible asks us to do. I'm assuming he ministered to men - could be both I guess tho. Same principal applies.

I wonder if this ministry of Prisoners ever watched the interviews that Oprah had with Susan Still's children.

Here is a link to her older son's interview that filmed the assault on his mother after being directed to by the father. LINK

He said abuse was like brushing your teeth in their home. Survival was key.

What about the younger son? You know the one that said:

Young Son: I think that was just another life. That was a different life, and I really don't think that the first eight years of my childhood happened.

Link Keep in mind you mind have to change video's to "witnessing abuse". They are both there.

Please..........Why don't you tell these children Mom should have stayed for the environment! Lets see if your sarcasm and mocking of the efficiency of appliances would go over well now.

I dare you!

Ask yourself something, and KEEP in mind this went on for over 50 minutes.....and the IF the hitting never happened - would it still be okay to stay?! We are talking about a pattern of behavior here! Do you seriously think staying for the environment instead of the church holding these monsters accountable would be the better choice? You see hitting doesn't have to happen for this scene to happen. Ask the people in prison which was worse to their souls! The popping or the words! How about you take their opinions to heart, instead of the personal opinions of YOU and others that think the same. In James 3 it states the tongue can give a deadly poison........and you say 'environment' or 'stay for the kids'. You want the cycle to continue? You want those kids growing up with KNOWING they protected their 'environment', because people like you are scared to step up and help?

Let me remind of the video that older child had to film - to keep the peace - to make sure he wouldn't be next. Environment........DAMN! Accountability is what is needed so their souls could be saved! Lets blame the parents and how they won't even give the children a better 'environment' instead. How nice.

You know started this? This 50 minute tirade, and only the LAST 10 minutes involved 'hitting'? She asked him what he would like for lunch! Nice huh?

How could life have been different if someone would have stepped up sooner in the life's you care for in prison? YEAH if they can't stay for the kids - stay for the environment! How about you listen to those children's interviews again..SHALL WE?

The video alone could have given her husband one year sentence. The fact her employer documented things has him sitting in prison for a long time.

Ulner is now serving 36 years in the Attica Correctional Facility. Lisa, the lawyer who helped put him there, says the video of him beating Susan would have gotten him just one year behind bars. Lynne's diligent notes and Susan's testimony led to his felony convictions, she says.

"A victim, her friends, her family, need to document what happens to them so that when they choose to come forward, we're ready to proceed and go forward and hold people accountable," Lisa says.

Susan urges women in her situation to keep track of any abuse they suffer at the hands of their partners. When it was time for Susan to testify, she says it was hard to remember all the times Ulner had hit her. "You have to remember how many times were you kicked. What was on their foot? How many times were you punched? Where were you punched? On a scale of 1 to 10, what was the pain?" she says. "You have to remember a lot."

Ulner? Her wrote a letter after this show aired. I'm sure the author would relate to him instead of her.......

After Susan's appearance on the show, Oprah received a four-page, handwritten letter from Ulner Lee Still responding to Susan's accusations. In the letter, Ulner takes full responsibility for his wrongdoing in the actual videotape—but claims there were evil demonic forces at work in the family's home, including "spirits."

Susan says she's not surprised by Ulner's statement. "I find it very interesting that he will accept responsibility for what happened on the video alone when [he did] so much more," she says. "[That] says a lot to me."

Last comment from the show:

If you don't have a safe place to stay with family or friends, seek out a shelter for battered women or a safe home. And if you have children, remember that they, too, have been torn from their home and their normal life. They might need help from counselors to deal with the trauma. "There is a whole community of support services with people like me ready to hold out a hand and say, 'Grab on. We're here for you,'"

It fills me with rage with I read this types of articles. I'm sure they are addressing all kinds of families, but when they are to chicken to take a strong stand on domestic abuse? Its a slap in the face. This man doesn't listen to the people he is has a ministry to. His ministry is FULL of these circumstances, and doesn't even give them a mention. THAT shows the denial of this issue within the church!

Want to know why people grab on to secular? That DV lady on the show said she would help.......what does the church say? Submit more? WOW!

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Barbara on 1:04 AM said...


OMG!!! grrrrrrrrrrrr

Anonymous said...

Divorce is the legal breakup of a marriage. Almost half of all U.S. marriages end in divorce. Like every major life change, divorce is stressful. It affects finances, living arrangements, household jobs, schedules and more. If the family includes children, they may be deeply affected.

Hannah on 7:58 PM said...

Thats true Michael. What are doing to hold people like Ulner accountability to have his soul saved, and bring healing to the entire family?

That's my point! We aren't doing anything for the most part. I think its sad that the author can't address that either when he works with men/women that come from and lived this type of life. How much different their path would have been if people would have stepped up, instead of much of what the world is doing now.....denial for the most part. Its truly sad.

Staying for the kids or the environment with this type of man would have caused more damage. They are healing now, and that is something the marriage never brought them. Kind of counterdicts the messages we get doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

It was my sons that gave me - one small comment at a time the courage to file for divorce. Finally when they flat out said "Mom if you don't divorce him one day he's going to kill you" There was far more emotional abuse going on than physical & I'd never called the police. I never wanted to be divorced but staying would have been the end of me. He told his sons regularly he didn't know how yet but he'd do it - he comes from a long line of abusers. My boys and I work hard - they both get straight A's and understand we have to be conservative. Divorce is certainly not the answer to all marital problems but in these situations there is often no other choice - I will live the rest of my life knowing my children couldn't sleep through the night because they woke up several times each night to make sure I was still alive!! Wake up people living in that environment of domestic violence is a lot worse. It isn't easy on the kids but it's not as hard as life before!!!

Anonymous said...

I was on a christian forum the other day... a woman posted a message that she needed advice on how she could make herself feel desire towards her husband when he wanted to be intimate - she said she could not bring herself to "participate" (but lets him have his way regardless, because after all, she wants to be a good wife) ... she said his constant belittling of her and name-calling and emotional abuse (tho she did not use the term emotional abuse) made her not want him physically anymore (gee, ya think?! sheesh). Anyway, I was horrified by the 'adivce' given that woman = she was told to make sure she was truly submitting to him in every area and not unconsciously trying to "whip him into shape" (i.e, acting the way SHE wants him to) or somehow disrespecting him. There were all sorts of admonishments to prayer (which is a good thing... in any situation prayer is good) BUT not once did ANYONE ever say, "hELLO? THIS IS VERBAL ABUSE. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. YOU SHOULD NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TREATED THIS WAY, GET HELP NOW!" No, it was ALL centered on her being submissive and trying to please him and whatnot. Nothing was said about his verbal and emotional abuse. He was unsaved, so of course he didn't know better. But if she's a good enough wife, of course, maybe she can get him to come around. It really frustrated me... Yes, please do be a doormat, he wouldn't say those things if he felt respected and pleased with you... is essentially what tehy said. Ugh.

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