NOT submissive to your husband - because of his sinful nature could cause him to abusive towards his wife! The wife - because of her sinful nature - isn't submissive because she wants to be the BOSS says Pastor Ware!
and their husbands on their part, because they are sinners, now respond
to that threat to their authority either by being abusive, which is, of course,
one of the ways men can respond when their authority is challenged, or more
commonly by becoming passive, acquiescing and simply not asserting the
leadership they ought to as men in their homes and churches.
Ware it seems doesn't understand the definition of what abusive is. He is using what people call a 'myth' definition. That is where he is getting himself into trouble. True abusers have a pattern of behavior. Its not being a jerk one day, and lashing out towards their spouse on occasion. Being labeled an abuser means you have a pattern of behavior that is abusive.
When you have a person that has a pattern of behavior of being abusive - then his statement is offensive, and really shows ignorance towards what abusive natures truly mean. Why? A true abusive person doesn't need an excuse! They are also going to LOVE what he said, and run with it!
People with a true abusive nature don't have to feel their role is being usurped. Burning dinner and not being able to read their minds is all it takes. What they want and need from day to day changes, and you are expected to figure that out without being told.
Anyone that understands the true definition of what being abusive is compared to the myth type that Ware uses knows he comment is ungrounded, and completely off the mark!
The myth definition has been overused in the past, and people have ended up dead. Being submissive or not isn't going to cause the abusive person to lash out. The abusive person is going to lash out because their pattern of behavior shows they are abusive. You can't MAKE someone abusive! Its choice! Abusive people can be healed, but they also have to face the music of their past sins.
Can a whining child trigger an abusive person to lash out? Yep! A NON whining child can also cause an abusive person to lash out as well! Why? An abusive person doesn't need a rational excuse - they are just are.
True abusive people are going to use the excuse of their spouse NOT being submissive. Why? They are known for twisting scripture to fit their needs. They will also tell their children = sorry I was to hard on you during the whipping but if you were not whining you may not have gotten that hard!
From the standpoint of those that understand the definition of what abusive means - and clearly Ware's ignorance towards what it means is where you hit the rub.
I mean how often do you tell a spouse of an alcoholic that if they were nicer to them that day they may not have gotten drunk? Generally, people aren't going to say that. Why? Most people know alcoholics don't need an excuse! Triggers are excuse.
There are some very interesting conversations about this man, and him clearly not doing his homework!
Suzanne's bookshelf, and 'The Cause for Abuse'
Complegalitarian, and Complementarian Bruce Ware: Women Recieve Salvation By Faith Through Works, and More
Adventures in Mercy, and Bruce Ware: Women Saved by Salvation, through Obedient Wombs
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2 comments:
"...not being able to read their minds is all it takes. What they want and need from day to day changes, and you are expected to figure that out without being told."
This is so true. My abuser isn't my spouse, but a parent who frequently calls to lash out at me for not doing something for them that I was supposed to somehow know about.
My husband, who is "too good a Christian" to attend church for the last 20 something years, would love this. He loves the passages about submission, while at the same time putting me down for my faith and objecting to my attending church, my quiet times at home, and teaching our children about God. (They are now grown and committed Christians so I guess God blessed my "disobedience.") Submitting to a man who is in disobedience to God, when he orders things that conflict with the Word of God is idolotry, putting a man in God's place. Look at the example of Annanias and Sapphira in Acts 5. God did not excuse her because of submission to her husband, He held her responsible for lying. We Christians have got to realize if the man is going to be the head of the family, he has to lead as Christ taught leadership, not abuse, manipulate or bully. And no one, not husbands, parents, governments, no one here on earth should have the total obedience that belongs only to God.
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