|Its Your Fault TOO!|
Some people say they 'get' the song, and others feel it glamorizes domestic violence. I found a short interview with Rihanna, and the part that bothered me is her almost childlike response, "I wanted to be part of a HIT!"
I tried for a number of weeks to figure out WHERE the attraction was for this song, and how it is strange that none of them (Characters in the video) truly try to explain the message behind it. Rihanna got the snot kicked out of her, and I can't believe that she would truly wish to 'glamorize' what happened to her.
WELL below is my STAB at a theory!
Lets look at the chorus of the song:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
This is the first part I think some are truly bothered by. WHY would she said such a thing? I like the way it hurts? I like the way you lie? Huh?
To me personally? It sounds like opinions towards victims of domestic violence from society. She must like it or why wouldn't she leave? She must have done something to trigger him like that! She isn't innocent after all.
I'm talking about how those justifications we read about after she got beat up, and had to listen to people justifying Chris Brown actions towards her. She PUSHED him to beat her.... right? Abusers for the most part are out for themselves, and in their sick viewpoints towards the relationship? Watching her cry or burn isn't something that moves them in reality.
For the chorus she is playing the part that society had labeled her with. I'm not talking ALL of us, but the ones that stood up for Chris Brown in a fashion that justified what he did to her. How she pushed his buttons, and she loves the way he lies. Why else would she stay in a relationship with him? RIGHT?!
maybe he was defending himself against her
maybe he was defending himself against her
We have heard cruel attitudes towards victims, and maybe Rihanna is playing the part they asked her to in the chorus. It was the opinion of society towards her, and it shows to THEM at least she has twisted thoughts towards the relationship as well.
The scenes in the video also are opinions of society. BOTH are hitting each other, and abusing each other. If you look closely it is also the opinion of the abuser, and society just backs him up. Abusers have a twisted reality, and I have to wonder if society thinks violence is some fetish for women. Don't get me wrong I do realize some couples smack each other around, but in a true circumstance? That's not realistic most of the time.
Here is the lyrics, and sung by the man (eminem):
I can't tell you what it really is
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
He is in a euphoric state of mind. He is drunk with the love of the fight. He is high off love when the going is good, but he also loves the drunk parts - His euphoric control is a drug that he is addicted to.
She is upset over the behavior, and he loves it. Notice no empathy, but pure entitlement.
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who's that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
He is talking from the sick mindset of the abuser. High off love, drunk off hate - the drive of control. Its euphoric for him, and YEAH maybe I did go over the line a bit. YOU aren't going anywhere, because I didn't mean to stoop so low. I won't do it again. Sorry it was a mistake, and I just got carried away. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU!
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them those chills you used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em
It was nice at the beginning, and loved the chase! We both did, but I don't have to chase you anymore. You act like we were at the beginning okay? I like that, but I need my HIGH as well!
You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push pull each other's hair, scratch claw hit 'em
Throw 'em down pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's the rage that took over it controls you both
How often do abusers state that the victim was part of what happened? How they pushed the buttons, started to yell, scream, threaten back? Most people that are victimized at one time or another do lash back - some more often than others. I remember getting frustrated and yelling back at times for example. Most of the time people are to scared of their abuser to do this on any regular basis, and that is the part they leave out. Society says at that point BOTH are abusive (since you yelled back for example), and those attitudes play right into the chorus. That chorus is a ring of truth to them. WELL part of it WAS your fault after all. You love the way he lies, and you love the way he hurts you!
When I watch the video I truly wonder if abusers truly see the rages in the fashion that was presented. WE both pulled the hair, scratched each other, etc. YOU were just as bad as I was! It was the RAGE that took over both of us. I'm sure some actually believe that, and others use it as a coping mechanism towards reality. They talk themselves into believing it. They are to drunk from hate - as he put it - to see the true reality of outright fear all around them.
So they say you're best to go your separate ways
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
I said I was sorry! Aren't you going to forgive me? Its over and done with - why can't you let it go? THAT was yesterday - its TODAY now! Abusers sucking you back into their world.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
Abusers don't take ownership of their actions or behaviors. They don't have to because there truly isn't any incentive for them to. Society tends to agree with this part of the lyric. YOUR the same as ME! When you think of the chorus again that Rihanna sings? She likes the lies and the hurt? Its almost like society is telling her YOU are mad, because you don't enjoy the fetish anymore! I wonder if they realize that?! I mean what else can it be? People don't normally LIKE lie and hurt!
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
They will temporarily own something IF the pay off for them is worth it. Sadly? They never stick to the 'it was me', and make a circular motion once again about how it was BOTH! If you stop to think about the first line above? She may not be as blind, because she wanted to leave didn't she?
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
YEP once again its 'both'!
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Abuser doubletalk! NO sincere 'voice' present.
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Because I don't know how to handle resolution or conflict in healthy ways I will offer to punch the drywall instead of you okay?
This also can be scary for the victim, and they will wonder if it is a safe time to leave. She knows he lies, and the drywall may not be the target if she disagrees and leaves at this point. Chances are she is going back in, because she is afraid of what will happen if she doesn't.
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna
In other words the controlling person will make it harder, and HARDER for her to seek help or freedom. They know they are full of it, and he will not play this cat and mouse game anymore. She isn't going anywhere, and if she tries? We both die!
The last part of this song? HOW can people say its both, and this abuser talk is right out there for the world to see. I'm in control, and if she tries to leave....
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