Blind leading the blind ...Yet another form of confusion

Blind leading the Blind

I started to read Waneta Dawn's latest piece on her blog Submission Tyranny, in church and Society.

Her article started by speaking of a magazine cover on American Family Association Journey March Edition for 2011.  WELL the first thing I wanted to do was look at the article before I continued to read what she had to say.  I wanted to be sure I knew what she was talking about first by looking at her reference!

In my last post to everyone I pointed out that double standards cause confusion within the church.  When I clicked the article in question that Waneta Dawn was speaking about?  Something just stuck me right over the head, and I wondered is the blind leading the blind here?  Let me quote from the article:

The Billy Graham Association conducted a survey recently and the results should be disheartening to Christians. Of people in the Builder Generation, also known as the Greatest Generation, 65% profess to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. But the slide is steep from there. About 35% of Baby Boomers profess faith in Christ, 15% of Generation X, and only 4% of Generation Y.

    Why the dramatic drop? According to the 2000 census, the majority of children at that time came from single or blended families. Jim Weidmann, executive director of Heritage Builders, said this causes a society in which people don’t have good faith mentors in their lives, so they don’t know how to model faith to their children. “A statistic quoted by a pastor in Texas was that only 10% of parents talk to their kids about spiritual things,” said Weidmann. “That means 90% don’t!”

    Weidmann said one surefire way to stop the hemorrhage of faith in Christ in this nation is for men to take on their God-given duty and become spiritual leaders in their homes. He shared the following thoughts with AFA Journal.

Let me place my business hat on here for a moment, and tell me if you DON'T see what I see!

Keep in mind I realize the church isn't a business - I'm going to talk about business principals that most churches SHOULD be aware of already. 

We have a fall in numbers for people that are claiming to be followers of Jesus Christ. It fell from what would seem 90% during days past to 65% then to:

35% of Baby Boomers
15% generation X
4% generation Y

NOW as a business person if those were percentages for profits, number of customers, or what have you?  That is a SERIOUS drop!  You are bankrupt already if your company's margins went to 4%.  You were in REAL trouble prior to that, and good luck EVEN keeping your doors open with 35%!  That's the reality here, because most churches do have overhead like electricity, mortgage/rent, etc.

Now you can see also from above as well the cause they have identified or hemorrhage is also a good term. It was due to single parent homes, or blended families numbers that are growing in our society.  That's their claim okay?  According to the 2000 census, the majority of children at that time came from single or blended families.

NOW from a business point of view YOUR lucky you found your bottleneck.  Your business isn't reaching the single parent homes, or the blended families homes.  They are not doing business with you for what reasons?

Double Standards is the true confusion!

Double Standards isn't confusion

There is a plain double standards in some teachings.

A year or so ago I had posted a video with John Piper addressing domestic violence within a Christian marriage.  The question was, ‘What does submission look like if your spouse is abusive?”

I downloaded that video, and placed it on my youtube account because I didn’t wish to link to Piper’s site.

Recently, it has come to my attention that the video was brought down on the Desiring God website with no explanation at all.  My copy of this teaching on youtube may be the only one left online to access.  I have it on my hard drive in case that one disappears as well.

I have noticed over the years this video has infuriated people, and they use this on their own sites to speak out against the teaching that is not only naïve – but dangerous.

The confusion the CBMW speaks about to me isn’t based in gender, but in double standards.

When I originally wrote about John Piper’s video over submission and abuse?  I was very frustrated at that point, and my post went into a different direction.  I asked the readers to see if their children would write John Piper about their experiences living with an abusive parent.  Why?  I don’t think the spouse is taken seriously, nor are they heard.  I wanted to try a different direction to see if we could wake the sleeping giant in this area.

Here is the removed video I spoke about.

If you can't see video click here.


There is something WRONG with base teachings if you can show proper empathy towards an adult child when they struggle with how to ‘feel’ about abusive parents – and yet use all these different rabbits trails when it’s a spouse.

Here is the video for child of abuse. I have also placed the transcript in a blog post.

If you can't see the video click here

Don’t get me wrong I do appreciate his acknowledgment of the child’s pain, but when you give more meat and potatoes towards the child than you do the spouse?  Please don’t talk to me about how people are gender confused, and how people don’t know how to be a proper biblical man or woman in the proper biblical roles.

Christain Parents that Abuse Children

I found a teaching from John Piper that speaks on how to handle confusion of adult children towards their parents that may have abused them in their childhood.

I'm putting this into 2 posts.  I wanted to place the video and transcript here, and refer to it in the following article.  I wanted to point out the differences on how he approached abusive circumstances within marriage, and in other contexts.  


If you can't view video click here

Here is the transcript of what John Piper Said:

As a Christian adult, how do I deal with and honor Christian parents who don't acknowledge the abuse I suffered at their hands as a child?

It's appropriate, I think—at some stage in your coming alive and aware to things in your background that hurt you, as you perceive it—it's appropriate to look for ways to talk to mom and dad about that. And how you talk about them will feel honoring in the very demeanor or spiteful in the very demeanor.

So that's the first thing: seek a demeanor from the Lord Jesus to be honoring in the way you talk about it. You will wind up saying things that are hurtful, but that's different from the actual demeanor being aggressively despising.

Second, if in those conversations they're either denying that it ever happened—denying they ever talked to you that way or ever did that to you—or if they acknowledge it and then minimize it and say, "Get over it. Come on, every parent does that," or whatever, then you've got a challenge.

One solution would be to ask if they willing to go further into more serious counseling together where you have a friend or a counselor who actually sits down and helps go deeper. If they're willing, I think that can be very healthy.

Many would probably be scared of that and wouldn't. That's probably what you're dealing with when you ask this question.

At that point—and this is true in many areas of life—at that point you're not getting the hoped-for resolution. That's true, and it's sad. They are just not able or willing at this time to go there. Now what do you do?

Jesus modeled this for us. He's quoted as doing it in Romans 12 and in 1 Peter 2. It says in 1 Peter that when he was reviled he did not revile in return. And when he was rebuked or scorned, he didn't retaliate. But he handed over to him who judges justly. That's what you've got to do.

In other words, there are lots of times in life where justice is not done to us. We get fired when we shouldn't have gotten fired. We get lied about by some trusted friend and we shouldn't have gotten lied about. We got abused by a parent, and we shouldn't have gotten abused. And none of these things ever get resolved!

You may try. "Speak peace with all men, as much as it lies within you." But it won't. You're just not going to get resolution in many areas of your life. So what do you do? Do you seethe with anger and hold resentments and grudges? No! Jesus handed it over to him who judges justly.

So what we do at that point is say, "God, you know and I know that this shouldn't have happened. You know and I know that it was painful. You know and I know that it has these ongoing effects on me and struggle. But, Lord, I don't want to add the burden to my life of an unforgiving spirit. So I'm taking that injustice that was done to me and giving it to you and asking, 'Would you please settle and take care of that?'


And there are two ways he could do that: 1) he could forgive them, because they really trust in the cross. In which case, you wouldn't want to belittle the sufficiency of Christ's sufferings by adding punishment to Christ's. Or 2) he's going to send them to hell. And you will someday even endorse that.

So he's going to settle it, and you don't need to.

I find this absolutely liberating, which is exactly what it's supposed to be, according to Romans 12. "'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord. If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. And you will dump fiery coals on his head."

So God says, "Don't take vengeance. Don't hold a grudge. Let it go. Give it to me. I'm God. I will settle accounts. You just keep loving."

So I think the simple short answer to "What do you do with it?" is that you seek reconciliation. And when it isn't resolved to your satisfaction, you take the pain and the injustice, you give it to God, and you don't hold it. You say, "I'm not going to be the judge anymore. I'm not going to be the jury anymore. I'm not going to be the executioner anymore. I'm going to be free!"

Don't add the burden of unforgiveness on your life when people have treated you wrongly.

Now if you compare that to how he wishes wives to deal with abusive husbands? Its very contradictory.  I guess once the children get out of house as adults he is willing to deal with issue, but while they are a child their mother's submission for the LORD'S sake is more important.  The children don't even enter his mind until now. 

Is his advice different because its BOTH parents in this teaching?  Is it different because they are adults now?  Is it he just thinks spousal abuse only effects spouses?

This is what you call teaching confusion.

Bullies - The start of domestic violence

Has anyone seen that video of the Australian boy named 'Casey' in the news recently?  Casey was a large fellow, and a target of teasing and tormenting for years.  This week he finally lashed back, and basically body smashed his bully to the ground.

This was huge news this week, because the bullies friends video taped this.  You could hear the encouragement that the bully was getting from his bully friends.  You could see Casey's attitude of not wanting to fight at first.  Casey finally had enough as children looking on did nothing, and he took his bully and picked him up - slammed him down on the concrete. Casey then walked away from the circumstance.  I noticed one of the bully's bigger friends wanted to take out after him, but a girl stepped in and told him THAT'S Enough!


There are conflicting reports about the discipline that happened. 

• Both boys got 4 days suspension
• Casey got 4 and the bully got 21 days
• Casey was the only one disciplined

The injury to the bully is in question as well.  Some state he has a scuffed knee, and others have pictures with him on crutches.  I heard the smash, and to me the crutches would make sense.  I have bad knees, and I was rubbing them as I watched.

People are questioning if this is a good example of anti bullying.  Why?  Casey had enough, and did he do the wrong thing by pushing back finally?  Most people I think remember being bullied as a child, and really understood where Casey was at that point.  "Good for HIM!" they stated.  Then you have others that wondered if he took the easy way out.

Didn't look like an easy out to me.  They were not going to let him 'walk away' prior to this.  He protected himself, because no one was there to do that for him.

If he gained any power it would have been in the dignity department.  He took it back from what I saw.   The way he stood, and took the blows?  I don't think his attitude towards the bully was the same as the bully towards him.  He told them - leave me alone.  He enforced the boundary the way kids have to at times.  Sadly, of course.

I think the big question we need to ask is about the bully discipline procedure.  When a child is unprotected time and time again - what are we asking from them?  Being that the circumstance was known to everyone....what are we asking children to do exactly? 

The suspensions to me showed our societies silence on the matter.  What did it solve, and what did it teach?  Are not suspensions to serve a purpose?

Authority's Arrogance - Tickle for Tuesday

I was sent this joke this morning, and the sender said she may have a twisted sense of humor.  WELL I guess I do as well, because I was giggling pretty good!

I thought it showed the arrogance of authority pretty well, and what can happen if you decide to "Lord It Over" someone!

A DEA officer stopped at a farm in Tennessee, and talked with the owner.

He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."

The farmer said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there....."

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land! 

Have I made myself clear, do you understand?"

The farmer nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.......

A short time later, the farmer heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.  The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.              

"Your badge, show him your BADGE!"

"SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!!"

You will not certainly die - Its a lie!

Scripture written on Toilet Paper is like False Teachings

Recently, I had a number of people contact me regarding their circumstances that involved abuse.  For whatever reason the email they gave me was returned stating they couldn't delivery my message back to them.

I hope you are still reading, because this post is for you all.

I can't tell you how frustrating at times it is when I get notes from people, and the church doesn't recognize how they have fallen into the trap of 'enabling' sin.  The church sadly has become the sin enabler of the world.  I'm not going to tell you that most of the time their intentions aren't good, because I'm sure they are.  The church does enable, and they don't wish to face that.

What are enablers?  You will see people wanting to help, and have the very best intentions with that help.  It goes against the grain of what we have been taught not to 'help' others.  The helping is NOT the issue, but the form of helping is.

For example, you have friends or relatives that know an addict has spent all their money on their addiction of choice.  Then they don't have the money to pay rent, and plead for help.  Their friends or family either will pay that rent for them, or have the addict move in with them so rent won't be issue in the future.

Helping someone in times of trouble is NOT what I'm referring to here.  I'm speaking more about 'helping' them get out of trouble due to a repeating pattern of sinful behavior.

Enablers tend to make excuses for the addict.  Lets say the addict is stealing from the person they live with, and the person can't bring themselves to 'throw them out' because they would be homeless at that point.

Another example may be they will continue to give them money, because they are afraid of what they may do to get it otherwise.  I remember reading a story about some parents that were afraid their child would sell their body if they didn't.

Its easy to look from outside, and say to these people you must take a firmer stand.  Its easier to say "I won't put UP with that!"

Is the enabler part of the problem at this point?  Yes of course.  When the enabler stops their behavior does that make the addict stop their behavior?  No. You are talking two different dynamics here.

Domestic Violence and the Church

I'm contacted so often about how the church places people's safety and well being on the back burner, and places the marriage to the forefront.  In Matthew 6:²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

God's people are more important, and we are NOT placed on the back burner in his eyes.

Sabbath Was Made for Man

When I spoke about Mark 2.  Christ’s application of the Sabbath laws are very interesting. Technically…He broke the standards of the Sabbath Law as they were understood by the Legalists. To the accusations against Him Jesus said,

Mark 2:27
{2:27} And he said unto them, The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath

I was reading a story from a man that was speaking about how the church teaches the laws of marriage and divorce - than of course remarriage.


To me this story made sense of how ridiculous we can get when  we are to rigid with no mercy. 

It can be said that man wasn’t made for the Law, but the Law made for man. Divorce is a stipulation of the Law. So too, like the Sabbath regulations, man wasn’t made to abide by divorce Law, but divorce Law was made for man.

How does this work? By principle. Divorce laws provided equity and justice in the dissolution of marriages. The writing of divorcement protected women from abuse and exploitation. In the New Covenant we are not bound by the Law. However, the principles of God’s Law are still very much alive. If a woman or her children are being abused physically, emotionally, or psychologically we should consider the Law’s purpose…the protection of women. The door swings both ways…sometimes it’s the protection of men.

Let’s say a woman or her children are being abused by her husband but he hasn’t committed adultery (or at least there isn’t any evidence for adultery). Under the traditional interpretation of biblical divorce laws this woman is forced to stay with this abuser…if she divorces him she is expected to live a single life with her children. If she remarries the church is forced to classify HER as an adulteress and dis-fellowship her. Should she seek a divorce and desire to remarry a godly man not only has she been abused by her ex-husband, but now she’s spiritually abused by the church…when she’s done nothing wrong. One thing I’ve noticed…the Legalist’s interpretation puts the victim in bondage and empowers the abuser. For example…

When we look at this man's comment about how Divorce Law was made for man - you have to stop and realize due to our sin this law was needed.  We speak of the world and how they try to find loop holes in things, and yet when Christians do not side with mercy, compassion, grace, etc but use the law ARE we NOT doing the same THING?

The Sabbath's intent was to be of service to the man, and not man created for the purpose of keeping the sabbath, no matter what. The sabbath is to serve the man, not man supposed to serve the sabbath.

Are we to follow the law in extreme fashions that we do empower abusers, and leave victims in bondage?  It seems we can't LOOK at circumstances, and use the discernment skills that the Lord has given us.  We ask ourselves is separating this couple biblical?  When we clearly see people being harmed why is it we struggle with what we know is right?

Why we question what is moral and ethical shows how we place the law before mercy - and in this case humans.  The law served no one - not the family nor the abuser.

We use the law to say things are 'biblical', and yet use no common sense or compassion towards them.  If that were correct way Jesus would be scolding those eating on the Sabbath, and not telling the extremists to basically GET WITH IT and GET REAL!

The strangest part to me?  Christians sit and struggle with the above story.   Do remember a while ago that Saddleback church got themselves into hot water, because of comments about this 'struggle'?

"I wish there were a third [reason for divorce] in Scripture, having been involved as a pastor with situations of abuse," Holladay said. "There is something in me that wishes there were a Bible verse that says, 'If they abuse you in this-and-such kind of way, then you have a right to leave them.'"

Do you know WHY these people struggle?  They place the law above all else.  They don't feel the freedom like Jesus did when he told his followers to eat the grain on the Sabbath, and how they were NOT doing anything wrong!

When men can't see what Jesus pointed out in this story?  They are not the leaders that they claim to be.  When people STRUGGLE with the thought having to leave families 'as is', because they realize the abuse that is happening...then side on 'law' instead of common sense and mercy?  They are going the same thing the Pharisees did in the story. 

It reminds me of the story in the bible about the master and his servants, and how he left on trip giving three of them 'talents' to work with in his absence.  The story is in Matthew 25:14-30.  As a small child this story kind of scared me, because at times I would do what was 'safe'.  I was so afraid of failing, and being reamed for this - and that I could picture myself placing those talents in the ground myself.  I would watch the others make a profit, but would be to scared to take that risk myself.

As I grew into maturity I realized there are times in which you must take a risk for the betterment.  We all must use discernment in circumstances, because one size doesn't always fit all.  Mr. Holladay like many others bury their talents in the ground, because its the 'safe' thing to do as they see it.  They 'wish' there was some form of rescue or mercy for abused parties.  WHY they feel that leaving victims in abusive circumstances would be 'biblical' is mind blowing.

You might think that fear and suspicion will keep you out of trouble, but really they’ll just cause you suffering and pain.  It this case?  For everyone involved.  You don’t need fear to avoid being a gullible idiot; for that you just need common sense.  To live a life of abundance, you must ultimately move beyond fear and work to create abundance for others.  Otherwise you’ll ultimately be cast out as worthless.

Mark 2:27
{2:27} And he said unto them, The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath.