|Double Standards isn't confusion|
A year or so ago I had posted a video with John Piper addressing domestic violence within a Christian marriage. The question was, ‘What does submission look like if your spouse is abusive?”
I downloaded that video, and placed it on my youtube account because I didn’t wish to link to Piper’s site.
Recently, it has come to my attention that the video was brought down on the Desiring God website with no explanation at all. My copy of this teaching on youtube may be the only one left online to access. I have it on my hard drive in case that one disappears as well.
I have noticed over the years this video has infuriated people, and they use this on their own sites to speak out against the teaching that is not only naïve – but dangerous.
The confusion the CBMW speaks about to me isn’t based in gender, but in double standards.
When I originally wrote about John Piper’s video over submission and abuse? I was very frustrated at that point, and my post went into a different direction. I asked the readers to see if their children would write John Piper about their experiences living with an abusive parent. Why? I don’t think the spouse is taken seriously, nor are they heard. I wanted to try a different direction to see if we could wake the sleeping giant in this area.
Here is the removed video I spoke about.
If you can't see video click here.
There is something WRONG with base teachings if you can show proper empathy towards an adult child when they struggle with how to ‘feel’ about abusive parents – and yet use all these different rabbits trails when it’s a spouse.
Here is the video for child of abuse. I have also placed the transcript in a blog post.
If you can't see the video click here
Don’t get me wrong I do appreciate his acknowledgment of the child’s pain, but when you give more meat and potatoes towards the child than you do the spouse? Please don’t talk to me about how people are gender confused, and how people don’t know how to be a proper biblical man or woman in the proper biblical roles.
His response is like night and day, and that is far from proper.
Let’s look at some of the confusion over the double standards that are placed out there.
- Broken heart shown at the beginning of the teaching video versus Sighs, giggles, and OH BOYS towards other group.
- Approach this with the proper demeanor, and know that even with the proper demeanor hurtful things will be said – Versus reminding the woman she is to be in submission for the LORD’S sake.
- Understanding the pain and frustration knowing that abusive parties may not acknowledge your pain or struggle, but will minimize it because they aren’t capable of dealing with it now. The other party gets speeches about how they don’t know which type of abuse you are speaking of, and is handed paradoxical speeches that show 'sweetness' and respect of the biblical roles.
- Shown scripture to help with unresolved issues, and the obvious hoped for resolution that didn't materialize. The other side is told to take the verbal unkindness for a season, and even a slap before approaching the church for help. Notice if a person is asking this question? Chances are ‘seasons’ have already passed, but you realize this will be questioned.
- Allow God to take this burden for you, and trust that he will handle it. The offending person will be changed, or will go to hell. The other side after being told to take the abuse for a while is now told to come to the church, and let them help you handle it.
- And when it isn't resolved to your satisfaction, you take the pain and the injustice, you give it to God, and you don't hold it. You say, "I'm not going to be the judge anymore. I'm not going to be the jury anymore. I'm not going to be the executioner anymore. I'm going to be free!" How does the other abused spouse handle this? The way it is taught most of the time the above would be the same, but sadly on a daily basis with a little reminder about your submission for the Lord’s sake. Notice no mention of going to hell? I guess they feel they can't endorse that in this circumstance.
One is approached with a bit of reality, and the other is handed paradoxical speeches (his words not mine) to given about how SHE would love to follow his leadership. Why? According to Piper because it is possible. Would it be helpful? I guess that is better than being ‘hurtful’ even with the proper demeanor. (the reality he gave the children)
Its examples like this that shows you the spiritual pixie dust that some are handed, while others are allowed to face reality up close and personal. One is handed tools to help them deal with things properly that will bring them peace, while others are clearly not handed this gift at all. Its there for them of course, but they aren't told of it in the same way. Teachers go into different directions instead - this causes confusion.
Abusers don’t need to have paradoxical speeches, but the same reminder that they are going down the avenue towards hell as well. The path is no different, so why hand one party empathy and the other paradoxical speeches that aren’t paradoxical at all. They are plain contradictory whether you want to admit it or not. Its just is, and we both know it.
Gender confusion is the big issue of the day? I think not. The confusion is present due to double standards.
With the children you show them what God would have them do. With the wives are you more worried about his leadership and authority that he NEEDS within his home. Do people seriously think God is more worried about some threat of his role within the home in this fashion? What is more important to God - biblical roles or the humans themselves? When you use roles in this fashion you show motive, agenda, and loads of ego and pride. His biblical ROLE isn't more important that SHE is to God. The biblical role isn't even an aspect here. Get REAL!
You are wrong here John Piper. He doesn't need this form of paradoxical nonsense. He needs to know his prayers are hindered by his behavior towards his family. He needs to know that is NOT leadership. His form of authority is evil, fleshy, and will hand him keys to the gates of Hell. Just as the Christian parents he will find this hurtful, and he also will minimize or outright deny it. Unlike John Piper God will not look at the different forms of abuse, and speak on how he isn't really SURE what the person is asking him. He looks at them as sin, and hurtful towards this family. That those actions do indeed separate the abusive spouse from his God.
Your paradoxical speech is lip service to his frail ego and pride. Guess what? TRUE men don't need that, nor are that threatened by TRUTH! The abusive spouse needs help - not ego blasts.
It seems very clear you understand some of the dynamics of domestic violence. The difference comes when there is lenses of MAN towards WOMEN - and their biblical roles that turns your advice to downright degrading. You struggle with the truth, because it may call his role as you teach it into question. Does it really - or is that just your fear?
It could be that your 'gender confusion' is more like double standards. Double standards is not truth. Its not love. Its not understanding. Its sad when you can find compassion, and almost break down into tears with one teaching on the subject - but can't handle it properly towards the ones you are to love most right under God.
I actually do pray for you often John Piper. I pray that your blue colored lenses are transformed to see all the different hues of this world. There is so much more to see.
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