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| Its Your Fault TOO! |
Some people say they 'get' the song, and others feel it glamorizes domestic violence. I found a short interview with Rihanna, and the part that bothered me is her almost childlike response, "I wanted to be part of a HIT!"
I tried for a number of weeks to figure out WHERE the attraction was for this song, and how it is strange that none of them (Characters in the video) truly try to explain the message behind it. Rihanna got the snot kicked out of her, and I can't believe that she would truly wish to 'glamorize' what happened to her.
WELL below is my STAB at a theory!
Lets look at the chorus of the song:
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
This is the first part I think some are truly bothered by. WHY would she said such a thing? I like the way it hurts? I like the way you lie? Huh?
To me personally? It sounds like opinions towards victims of domestic violence from society. She must like it or why wouldn't she leave? She must have done something to trigger him like that! She isn't innocent after all.
I'm talking about how those justifications we read about after she got beat up, and had to listen to people justifying Chris Brown actions towards her. She PUSHED him to beat her.... right? Abusers for the most part are out for themselves, and in their sick viewpoints towards the relationship? Watching her cry or burn isn't something that moves them in reality.
For the chorus she is playing the part that society had labeled her with. I'm not talking ALL of us, but the ones that stood up for Chris Brown in a fashion that justified what he did to her. How she pushed his buttons, and she loves the way he lies. Why else would she stay in a relationship with him? RIGHT?!
maybe he was defending himself against her
maybe he was defending himself against her
We have heard cruel attitudes towards victims, and maybe Rihanna is playing the part they asked her to in the chorus. It was the opinion of society towards her, and it shows to THEM at least she has twisted thoughts towards the relationship as well.
The scenes in the video also are opinions of society. BOTH are hitting each other, and abusing each other. If you look closely it is also the opinion of the abuser, and society just backs him up. Abusers have a twisted reality, and I have to wonder if society thinks violence is some fetish for women. Don't get me wrong I do realize some couples smack each other around, but in a true circumstance? That's not realistic most of the time.
Here is the lyrics, and sung by the man (eminem):
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
He is in a euphoric state of mind. He is drunk with the love of the fight. He is high off love when the going is good, but he also loves the drunk parts - His euphoric control is a drug that he is addicted to.
She is upset over the behavior, and he loves it. Notice no empathy, but pure entitlement.
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who's that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
He is talking from the sick mindset of the abuser. High off love, drunk off hate - the drive of control. Its euphoric for him, and YEAH maybe I did go over the line a bit. YOU aren't going anywhere, because I didn't mean to stoop so low. I won't do it again. Sorry it was a mistake, and I just got carried away. YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU!
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them those chills you used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em
It was nice at the beginning, and loved the chase! We both did, but I don't have to chase you anymore. You act like we were at the beginning okay? I like that, but I need my HIGH as well!
You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push pull each other's hair, scratch claw hit 'em
Throw 'em down pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's the rage that took over it controls you both
How often do abusers state that the victim was part of what happened? How they pushed the buttons, started to yell, scream, threaten back? Most people that are victimized at one time or another do lash back - some more often than others. I remember getting frustrated and yelling back at times for example. Most of the time people are to scared of their abuser to do this on any regular basis, and that is the part they leave out. Society says at that point BOTH are abusive (since you yelled back for example), and those attitudes play right into the chorus. That chorus is a ring of truth to them. WELL part of it WAS your fault after all. You love the way he lies, and you love the way he hurts you!
When I watch the video I truly wonder if abusers truly see the rages in the fashion that was presented. WE both pulled the hair, scratched each other, etc. YOU were just as bad as I was! It was the RAGE that took over both of us. I'm sure some actually believe that, and others use it as a coping mechanism towards reality. They talk themselves into believing it. They are to drunk from hate - as he put it - to see the true reality of outright fear all around them.
So they say you're best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window pane
I said I was sorry! Aren't you going to forgive me? Its over and done with - why can't you let it go? THAT was yesterday - its TODAY now! Abusers sucking you back into their world.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
Abusers don't take ownership of their actions or behaviors. They don't have to because there truly isn't any incentive for them to. Society tends to agree with this part of the lyric. YOUR the same as ME! When you think of the chorus again that Rihanna sings? She likes the lies and the hurt? Its almost like society is telling her YOU are mad, because you don't enjoy the fetish anymore! I wonder if they realize that?! I mean what else can it be? People don't normally LIKE lie and hurt!
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
They will temporarily own something IF the pay off for them is worth it. Sadly? They never stick to the 'it was me', and make a circular motion once again about how it was BOTH! If you stop to think about the first line above? She may not be as blind, because she wanted to leave didn't she?
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
YEP once again its 'both'!
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Abuser doubletalk! NO sincere 'voice' present.
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Because I don't know how to handle resolution or conflict in healthy ways I will offer to punch the drywall instead of you okay?
This also can be scary for the victim, and they will wonder if it is a safe time to leave. She knows he lies, and the drywall may not be the target if she disagrees and leaves at this point. Chances are she is going back in, because she is afraid of what will happen if she doesn't.
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna
In other words the controlling person will make it harder, and HARDER for her to seek help or freedom. They know they are full of it, and he will not play this cat and mouse game anymore. She isn't going anywhere, and if she tries? We both die!
The last part of this song? HOW can people say its both, and this abuser talk is right out there for the world to see. I'm in control, and if she tries to leave....
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7 comments:
hmmm, Ok well, I like Emimen, and I get him,
he's mocking or criticizing the 'culture' that has been for a long while, very typical and sadly increasing among the rap community, the inner city/ghetto,
more than blaming the victim. He tends to attack 'culture' and in a way that he brings it out, that is very controversial, but makes one think
because the Sad fact of it is Hannah, this idolizing the brute male/can I just be frank here with the street lingo, and the bitch/ho among the young, the ICP crowd [females] and the Rap/Hip Hop is VERY strong,
and African American women have been complaining and fighting this trend/culture for several years now. Rape is even glorified, horribly abusive rapes, and young girls are Submitting to this,
just like the whole Christian Domestic Discipline BDSM culture that is growing,
I believe what he is doing is exposing the very real attitudes of this world, because remember HE is from the streets/world of poverty/working class, etc., and so,
if you listen to All of his music you sort of get the feel for what he is saying,
and I don't think he is glorifying it so much as he is saying,
look at this shit...this is what it's come down to
because That is what he does, he's brute and very honest in his depictions, though they may seem very unfriendly to women, and they are, but sadly, they are THE reality too, and this reality Sadly is growing,
and HE is mild, seriously in comparison to many rappers/hip hop especially in the younger underground/white crowd that are singing/rapping about rapes, glorifying them, torture, and then these young girls get into these cult like groups and Follow and assimilate INTO them,
this is a huge culture problem. Some blame the Illuminati on this, I tend to think there is some truth to that.
But this, is what WE got to look forward to, and this song, is really just the tip of the iceberg.
When you get time, and I understand if you don't post the comment I made yesterday due to some of the street language,
but do some research on you tube, on underground rap--be prepared it's really awful [there is some good underground too but a lot of it is just deplorable] but anyway,
that is what the teens/youth are coming up with and singing/rapping, and it Is a reflection of what our culture is producing--which again, is what the song by Emimen is about, it's not about glorifying the dv but the culture decay that is going on not just with men but women, and there ARE young women that are heavily into this whole bdsm thing, it's like the attitude is the more abuse you can take the more you prove your love and the whole jealousy thing proves one is loved,
it comes also from the 'gangsta' family and respect culture too, in OUR generation we may not get this--but in the younger generation This is what they are living and thinking,
how I know, one of my daughters was heavy into that whole ICP/rap culture so I did a lot of research/listening and I met teen women in this and they DO think like that, my daughter came OUT of that but many do not,
and I want to point out, a lot of this is BECAUSE of the materialist culture, these kids today are very disconnected from family, relationships Because of the gloss lie of pretense, the false morality that is tied into false godliness with money worship.
This is the fruit--so it's not that Eminem is glorifying DV, no, he's relaying what is Really going on out there, and the reason the church is Shocked,
is that they've been in a protective bubble because they Didn't want to get their hands dirty dealing with the scum and sinners and undesirables of a 'lesser class' or 'lesser race'
but they didn't mind pumping out their capitalism and their materialism through advertising's and market--
well, here's the fruit of that--and that is what Eminem is showing and rapping about. It ain't pretty,
but there it is.
Jane
I have heard what you mentioned about Emimen from others as well.
I don't think it glorifies domestic violence either. He is speaking truth, and shows the thinking of the abuser.
Society is to busy saying, "Why doesn't she just leave if it is that bad?" The song clearly TELLS you why! The video of them hitting each other? That seems to be society's view of Domestic violence, and yet both beating on each other isn't common. People seem to think people STAY because they love they way they hurt. To them? They would LEAVE if it was that bad.
The screen when she came back in? If someone tells you they won't punch you - just the drywall in the future? lol as if they makes a person feel safe enough to say, "not good enough' and not fear they will LIE about that too. She will find the drywall isn't what is getting hit once again.
Someone punches the drywall next to your face? They are known to hit you also? YEAH that doesn't intimate anyone. RIGHT!!!!!! lol!
Sorry Jane! lol I'm getting behind again even with comments! I moderate them due to spammy ones. I'm sure you get those too. Bleck!
You said:
is that they've been in a protective bubble because they Didn't want to get their hands dirty dealing with the scum and sinners and undesirables of a 'lesser class' or 'lesser race' but they didn't mind pumping out their capitalism and their materialism through advertising's and market--
well, here's the fruit of that--and that is what Eminem is showing and rapping about. It ain't pretty,
I agree. They like their protective bubble. When it gets to ugly? They like Spiritual pixie dust, because they can stay distanced from the true icky dynamic. They are so afraid to touch it, because I guess they seem to think they will be dirty then too.
My kids have pointed out the sick rap. lol I told them it was rap crap! I have seen what you are talking about with the rape, etc.
I grew up in a very rough high school, and that was before metal detectors etc. I remember I screwed up my knee, and was on crutches. A gang fight broke out in front of my locker. There were so many people around there was no safe place to go. I put myself IN the locker, and left my foot on the bottom, and a book on the top so I didn't get locked in when someone SLAMMED against it. It was the best I could come up with at the time, and looking back? I'm surprised I didn't get locked in anyway! lol!
It wasn't like the city I realize that, but I remember the kids ran the school at the time. People cleaned their pot in health class, and threw pennies at the teacher. If a rush of people were running from the bathroom? You KNEW someone placed an M80 in the toilet.
The BIG deal back then was drugs. They lied to the kids on some levels. If you ever smoked a joint? You would DIE of shooting heroin. Smoking POT always leads to heroin we were told.
I don't think society grasps that kids aren't that dumb. They see the lies. We are well beyond believing in Santa!
There is alot of prejudice pigs out there, and at times the church goers are the worst of lots. As I look back? I'm glad my folks moved us out of the south once they killed King and Kennedy. My folks took alot of crap over standing up against prejudice, and I guess they didn't want us growing up around those attitudes. See saw it, but we didn't have to live it as badly as they did. No white robes where we lived.
Hannah, (& Jane)
I think you hit the nail on the head. That chorus is society's way of looking at domestic violence victims. Because it is society's viewpoint, it is likely the abuser's viewpoint, too. With the exception of:
"But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie"
I get the impression that is the victim using sarcasm to point out that both her abuser and society are lying. When the abuser says he'll hit the drywall next time, she knows that's a lie. When he says she's doing it just as much as he is, that is also a lie. When he says he is getting counseling to help get himself under control, but goes to his mother for that counseling, she knows that is also a lie, that he has no intention of treating her better. When he says he loves her, how can that possibly be true? Perhaps if you mean he loves to possess and own and control her? But that isn't love. That is lust--a lust for power and wrongful ownership.
But society is also lying when they say she must like it, that she must have done something to cause him to beat her up. She must have made him mad. Wow! What a lot of control they think she had over him! So much control she made him beat the crap out of her! And she is so powerful, she had to leave him, lest she "make" him kill her.
Yeah, right!
The truth is, no one can control an abuser except the abuser. Even when put behind bars, that is only temporary restriction, not real control.
"That seems to be society's view of Domestic violence, and yet both beating on each other isn't common. People seem to think people STAY because they love they way they hurt. To them? They would LEAVE if it was that bad."
ok, well this is True but it's also NOT true, because there ARE couples and these numbers ARE growing that YES they DO FIST FIGHT EACH OTHER, WOMEN JUST AS MUCH AS MEN...in the youth/young adult crowd or let's say the 90s generation/2000 generation, this IS true,
that does NOT mean that it's the same as DV as WE discuss here and on other blogs/discussions, but it IS BECOMING MORE COMMON FOR BOTH IN COUPLES TO FIGHT/BE VIOLENT
reason for this IS, women/or girls are becoming MORE VIOLENT in our society, some of this is due to the rise of consciousness/feminism that was in the 70s/80s, some of it is due to DRUGS, that's a huge one, some of it is due to youth crime/among girls that is not only happening but Increasing--girls are now filling up jails for violent crimes Juvenile halls as fast and in some places faster than boys are,
this is Notoriously true in the working class/lower income working class and it Does have a huge impact on Why police, for example, in Some areas, will arrest Both for DV and why many have grown indifferent, SAD TO SAY,
see when WE talk DV [and esp from Christian circles] we are talking DV and Patriarchy, and in our society yes patriarchy still exists even in non-religious circles but now there is Also another kind of misogyny that has combination's of patriarchy as well as what I would call the 'I'm equal as female and can fight and have sex and be just like a man' mentality...the more 'manly' I am the more stronger I am,
because there WAS AND STILL IS those 'few' feminist schools of ideology that demonizes female or 'femme' and glorifies the masculine strength of Violence, Power and Consumption. I would say a lot of this is coming from the materialist/gangster and also racist/or nationalist mentality, but now it's NOT just in working class/blue collar anymore,
we are seeing far more violence among the upper crust females too...which I THINK it's always been there but it hasn't been like as socially accepted as it is today--thanks to Media, glamorizing the bad ass female who can kick a man's ass, etc.,
while These are empowering yes--if you pay attention they all tend to demonize anything that has to do with kindness, softness, nurture, anything female, so in other words, there is a forced degender going on that isn't androgynous as they like to claim, but that is really focused and centered around the glorification's of MASCULINITY, A.K.A. VIOLENCE.
and where you Really see this is in the rise of the whole indifferent to suffering and the whole glorification of RAUNCHY CULTURE, SEX CULTURE that is pro-porn, pro-prostitution, and that has to do more with the consumerist me, me, me mindset...the tougher you are, the whole Darwin beliefs, etc.
Now the thing is, while there is this violence increasing, at the same time there is still the classic [let's call it that so it's easier for me to kind of paint a picture here] DV that I think it reverts to ONCE the woman has Children,
cont
cont OK let me put it this way, blah ain't able to Paint this right...arrgh
Most couples today are not having children till WAY later, ok, NOT like in OUR generations so a lot of these Younger couples are yes, both capable of DV and here is EVIDENCE OF THIS, look at Statistics of rise in violence among Lesbians and GLBT, and here you will see it especially, now the feminist's debate whether this is inherit or simply a transfer of patriarchal constructs or society, etc., OR just a rise in violence due to people becoming more violent/example Road Rage, etc.
See Use to be yes it was ONLY men but not anymore--and YES it DOES make it very much more difficult for us who advocate Against violence because not only does society blame the victim, NOW we have Women who are just as violent as the men, same like we see it with the whole pro-porn/pro-prostitution lot of women who they don't give a damn if thousands are horribly abused, they will use the Same justifications to support as MEN do, so in This regard,
which is SAD, the traditionalists are correct, in many ways the more de-gender type of feminists have done a lot to Harm women...but I will be blunt here and just say, that those are from the Marxist/New Left schools who have other 'agenda's and when I say New Left I am talking about the liberal leftist who has the morals of a gnat. They are Hedonists--what Lenin termed as the bourgeoisie filth liberal because they really only care about their 'own' liberation, feminists included and are decadent.
and funny thing is, Lenin was absolutely correct, because that is Exactly what happened with liberal feminism and liberal socialism, DECADENCE, why we have the upper crust [mostly white] female in power claiming women's rights but voting policies that do more to Harm women, ESPECIALLY MOTHERS,
because it's really about Economy, and Power, for consumption economy and what that does is destroy communities And families due to the lack of community/parental good role models, children raising themselves, on the streets, more crime/violence/moral hedonism, I mean we have girls now who are the ones pushing to have the orgies and gang banging, no joke here,
pick up some of the fashion magazines and see what is being pushed/and embraced as NORMAL, its' really scary,
so Yes, there are women who are also now fighting men and more child abuse and women even beating other women, these abuses ARE growing--and where it Fits into patriarchy,
is that anything that isn't the god of war/goddess of sex/prostitution is deemed as Weak, as Inferior, and as Backward...the ole Greek lifestyle, is here, sad to say--and it will only get worse, and the traditional patriarchy with the DV and gender roles feed into it,
does That make any sense? We may not see this in the Christian neo-con circles [yet] but it's All over secular society.
jane
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