Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Are we inclined the think the worse?

Posted by Hannah at 7:00 AM

Tighty Whitey

I have to admit at times I truly think I must be odd compared to most.  I have to wonder if I just view life different, and it makes me the odd man out at times.  Goodness knows I'm not different, nor better than anyone else.

When I listen to someone tell me about their life, and they throw in a zigger I tend to place it in context.  I try my hardest not to get my tighty whitey's in a bunch!

I remember months ago this woman was talking about a very ugly circumstance she was attempting to help another though in life.  If she had just stopped at that point people may have the offered empathy and support that she truly needed.

Sadly, she needed to get her frustrations out over the roadblocks that others had placed in front of the circumstance.  NOW if you put to the side the way she presented it, and just plainly looked at what she was frustrated about?  MOST would be able to empathize with the roadblocks as well.

For some reason there are a lot of Christians that can’t seem to do that.  The way she presented her frustrations wasn’t as tighty whitey as Christians should be seen, and her presentation was condemned instead of empathy that she needed.

Are we inclined to think the worse?

The next thing you know there is an all out attack on her attitude of frustration, and her presentation.  I didn’t see the story right away, and instead of addressing the others shaming her for her attitude I tried to summarize her circumstance instead.

I never addressed the attitude she brought forth in the fashion others did, but I did address her frustration over the circumstance with agreement.  I said I understood the frustration, and most in her shoes would be frustrated as well.  I giggled thought most just wouldn’t react to it the way she did!  I wanted to make a point, and lighten the mood a bit!

Then it was my turn to be shamed, because these women claimed she never presented the circumstance as I did!  If she had THEY could understand it as well!  Told me that no one should be expected to ‘see’ what I saw in the way she presented it.  YEP - me being ODD again!  If what I said WAS indeed the circumstance THEN at least they would know the direction to go in which to help this women.  For right now she needs a huge attitude adjustment.

What these people don’t stop to think about?  Why would ANYONE come back to them for anything?

People claim you should be able to be ‘real’ towards the fellowship, but unless you do this in a tighty whitey way?  WELL its confusing and contradicting to say the least!  I saw someone boiling over in frustration, and they saw it as opportunity to shame her over being frustrating - and not presenting herself in the proper tighty whitey way.

I’m not going to tell you that there aren’t times in which you need to mention that presentation okay?  I hinted at that in my response, but didn’t concentrate on it.  I wanted to show I empathized with her frustration, but also wanted to point out that at times we need to let the boiling waters turn to a simmer prior to reaching out.  It wasn’t just for the audience, but when people are boiling at times they also may not hear counsel they ask for.  It was something I personally learned in life.

She responded to me, and thanked me for seeing past her frustration level.  I was indeed viewing her circumstance ‘as is’, and YES maybe she should have waited and calmed down first prior to posting her story.  You know what happened next?  She could calmly go on, and still there was ‘tighty whitey’ Christians still trying to make us see ‘how could you expect us to see what I saw’.  I’m figuring out now they are trained to see ‘culture’, and I just saw frustration.

I think at times teachings we receive train us to see this black and white world.  They don’t train you to discern at all.

I started to read the online book, ‘Biblical Womanhood” and again I started to see the trend.


I remember sitting next to a woman on an airplane flight who was addressing envelopes. We struck up a conversation, and she told me she was sending out wedding invitations for one daughter and graduation invitations for the other. I was about to congratulate her when she admitted, “It’s so nice to be getting rid of both of them at the same time.”
I cringed when I heard that. I was thankful her daughters weren’t there to hear her words. Though it’s a common attitude for many women in our culture, it should not characterize us as Christians. God intends that we enjoy motherhood and delight in our children.

As women, we are created to be life-bearers. Our bodies have been designed with the ability to mother—to receive, carry, and bear young. In fact, our bodies prepare themselves repeatedly to conceive and bear young. We express our femininity by gratefully embracing every stage of child-bearing, receiving and nurturing each child as a gracious gift from God.

I think we all realize there are some parents that indeed GRATEFUL to have their children leave the nest.  There are many reasons for that from being selfish to looking forward to watching them blossom. YES, of course we also have our parently dread about them leaving as well!

When we get into the habit of seeing the ‘worse’ anytime someone maybe showing frustration on a level that is not tighty whitey?  We can easily claim it’s the culture, instead of viewing ourselves being so blind we miss the entire circumstance in front of us.

Her story showed she was  inclined to think the WORSE!

The author didn’t tell us enough for us to discern if this woman was indeed just selfish or just plain frustrated.

Weddings for example can be VERY stressful for everyone.  We don’t know if the stress – and maybe competition between the daughter’s events – have this women so frustrated that she would say it out of PURE frustration.

We can also admit that at times people can say things out of frustration, and not truly mean it in their heart what they are saying.  The daughters could be driving her insane, and she just wants it to be over – and if that is the case?  I think we can all assume ‘getting rid of both of them at the same time’ isn’t what is in the lady’s heart.

I’m NOT saying it’s the correct approach, but it does happen.  If we can’t see the difference at times?  We see a woman that doesn’t delight in her children due to culture.  This woman wasn’t focused like the author seems to be on their views of motherhood.  

There have been times in my life where I wanted to string my children up by the nearest tree – I’m talking a very frustrated attitude towards them.  My mind went to nasty places like ‘throw them out and pretend I don’t hear the doorbell!”  THOSE days I have feelings of yearning for the empty nest days, and ‘getting rid of both of them’ as well.  SURE I wouldn’t do any of things, but BOY do they make me MAD at times!

If I look at my attitude and circumstance towards my children MOST of the time?  They are the precious gifts that God gave to me, and I love them so much I wouldn’t hesitate to give my life for them. 

When we have our panties in a bunch over HOW someone is presenting things to us out their OWN frustration?  Step back, because chances are your response is going to be just as irrational.

Anyone else cat have this attitude?  LOL!
I mean look at what this woman may have been was thinking, and if the author was brave enough to speak her mind?  “I’m so thankful your daughters aren’t hearing those words.  I realize it’s a common attitude for many women in our culture, but women like myself that are Christian tend to enjoy motherhood and delight in our children.”

Christian women are also to try to use discernment, and be full of grace towards others.  The training – or maybe just her attitude – shows arrogance and pride.

MOST women of our culture don’t LOVE their children like WE do!  Yuck!  People can FEEL that attitude as well, and as Christ followers we should be approachable. 

When you can’t be real, but have to be tighty whitey about everything?  When you look down at others thinking they are of the ‘culture’?  How does that show characteristics of what Jesus would ask us to?  People get so caught up on how to do ‘biblical roles’, and how to look the part – feminine – they don’t realize their tighty whitey attitudes aren’t approachable.

I’m sorry but if we are all going to be trained only to see the WORSE in the world?  As the saying goes – that’s all you are every going to see!

It’s sad to see that others use this life experience to show ‘their world view’, instead of actually SEEING what is there at times!  Please realize that I'm speaking of circumstances in general, and not ones dealing with abusive personalities.  The difference between the tighty whitey 'just so', and the abusers 'just so'?  You need a crystal ball for the abusers, because they keep changing depending on ... well depending what is in their head at the time!  Tighty Whitey's can make MORE sense!

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