Thursday, January 22, 2009

Song about Verbal Abuse and Emotional Abuse

Posted by Hannah at 9:26 AM

Those Words Hurt is a song that was on For the Black and Blue. The song to me was about a spouse that threw words at his spouse with the intent to hurt her with emotional abuse and verbal abuse.

If you listen to the song it has a ring of truth, but what stuck me was the refrain:

Her mind tells her
("That's not true")
Those cruel words
("That's not true")
Do not contain an ounce of truth
("That's just not true")
But repetition
("Could that be true?)
Has effect
("Could that be true?")
("Why would he say that..)
Has effect
(...if that wasn't true?)
("You're weak, you're sick...)
Has effect
(... you have no class")

The parts in like ("That's just not true") is the things you say to yourself as you hear the emotional abuse, and verbal abuse thrown at you. Go and listen to the song, and tell me what you think?

It ended with a story:

It's wrong to verbally abuse someone, but should we talk about those who do us wrong?

We all know that it's wrong to gossip.
We know that we should be careful of what we say.
We've all heard "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."
But "does that count" when someone has hurt us so badly and we need to talk...?

In December 2006, I was participating in a discussion group from church. I was prompted to speak toward a topic of conversation from our group leader. I felt both good and bad feelings inside as I began to tell the listeners of the abuse that I endured in my past; what I'd been through. Then our group leader asked Susan a similar question.

Susan is a beautiful woman who easily appears to be at least 10 years younger than her actual age. For the longest time, I've admired her because she's so pretty, or just so sweet - - I couldn't really put my finger on it, but there's just been something intriguing about her to me.

When Susan was asked this question, she paused before she thoughtfully began to speak. Susan said that she, too, had once been involved in a troubled and abusive relationship, but she felt that it was not right to tell any details. The reason that she was refraining was because she said that she had done things in her past that she was not proud of; she described them as terrible and horrible things, and she felt that she simply could not speak ill of anyone else. She said that she had no right...

There this gentle, precious lady sat in a circle of approximately 30 people, eyes cast to her folded hands, tenderly saying how deeply she loves our Lord and how thankful she is to be forgiven for her past. That's all that she could say...

...teaching me a very needed lesson; teaching like Jesus did, with love and by example.

And I now clearly see why I've been so drawn to this beautiful lady... I see Jesus.

Its been a while since I came across a song about verbal abuse and emotional abuse, and I wanted to share. I enjoyed it.

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Anonymous said...

I had recently been wondering and praying about the issue of discussing what happened to me and how is that different than mere gossip?

I believe the difference is intent.
Am I using what happened to me to teach others how to handle a situation or comfort others? Or am I relating my experiences in a bitter, hateful, malicious, spiteful, vindictive, retaliatory manner?

I have tremendous respect for this lady's decision to not divulge any details, but I do feel there is a time and a place for discussion of pertinent details. I am very grateful for those who shared their experiences in the books that I have read, or personal experiences others have shared; I have gained so much insight into my situation, and much Godly wisdom that I would not otherwise have if they had not shared the details of their stories; they were an encouragement to handle my situation in a Godly manner.

God bless your ministry!

Hannah on 8:58 AM said...

From my own personal experience I agree about the 'intent' part.

I also believe at times you need a personal friend that is safe enough for you to get the venom out at times. They have to be a special type of person. I found that if I stuff things inside they tend to implode on me. I had a very hard time talking about any of it, and my counselor told me it was like a pressure cooker. I need to at least let a little of the steam out - other wise like the pressure cooker it will explode.

I grew up stuffing because I was taught to, and that is not healthy either. You have to be able to talk about it at times. You have to find a special person for that tho. I think the only time I truly shared in a group about some of my own personal experiences was with a group of victim/survivors. I also was very careful even then. Some release I had to have for my own personal well being. It wasn't meant as you said: out of bitterness, hate, to be malicious, spiteful, vindictive, etc. It was in a theraputic way, and it became real...and I was able to move on.

I think the environment in which it is said, and as you pointed out the intent is very important.

I also think due to my experiences of people encouraging me to NOT to talk about it made things worse for me. I wasn't able to see things clear, and couldn't grasp the truth. I was to busy beating myself up over things I shouldn't have. A safe person will show you how you did things because you had to. How it wasnt your fault, and how you are NOT that awful person that you feel you must be. They can also point out things you did wrong, but I think the most important thing is showing you NOT to hold on and own things that are NOT yours to own. I had a really bad habit of that.

Blessings to you as well!

Anonymous said...

what is the name and artist of the song

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