Jesus Heals Abuse

I wanted to call people's attention to a woman I know that has been working with abuse victims online. Her site is called, "Jesus Heals Abuse". I have known Minister Jacky Hughes for a number of years, and she has a big heart for the Lord. She is from the UK, and if you enjoy listening to podcasts Here is Jacky Hughes Message of Love about her site.

There is also a rather new board that was created in which as a spiritual section to it, and Minister Jacky Hughes posts there as well. Its Called, "Our Place" Keep in mind at this point the board is rather new, but it does have alot of regulars. As this section is noticed the traffic will increase as it was just added on as a new portion.

If you are interested in Minister Jacky Hughes Story that is available, along with a devotional for the abused that seems very popular!

Minister Jacky Hughes has done alot of good online, and she also works offline with people as well. YES She is an ordained minister - at least I think that is what they call it in the UK as well. I remember her going to school some years ago, and we were all thrilled for her when she finished!

Jesus Heals abuse is a nice resource, and if you feel the need to chat with a minister directly I know she would be open to that as well! If you know of other places that this resource could be spread around - it would be appreciated I'm sure!

Angel Food Ministry

Times are tough, and at times we all need a little help! I wanted to point out Angel Food Ministry that are about to give you over $100 worth of food for about $25.00 - $30.00! It can't hurt around the time we need a little extra for the holidays as well. Everyone is welcome! There are no conditions and you may buy more than once box of food!



Angel Food Ministry has a website, and you can search for the nearest location near you! I pray that this would be an awesome resource for those of my readers dealing with domestic violence, emotional abuse and verbal abuse!

Religion can play role in domestic abuse

The Delphosherald.com wrote a really good story on how religion can play a NOT so good role when it comes to domestic violence.

Religion can play role in domestic abuse
By Mike Ford, The Delphos Herald
Published: Saturday, November 15, 2008 Print E-mail By MIKE FORD
The Delphos Herald

Christian churches are a staple of many communities across the region and the nation. They provide valuable moral guidance, support and social services.

However, the religion can have a negative psychological affect when a person who never feels “good enough” is caught in a cycle of “sinning,” repenting and praying for forgiveness only to “beat themselves up” for repeating the cycle. Regardless of how bad the behavior really is, the guilt and shame can be perpetuated by religious beliefs and manipulated by an abusive spouse.

The Delphos Public Library will host a talk on the subject at 6:30 p.m. Monday by Kathy Boaz, the director of Van Wert Crisis Care. She oversees a 20-bed shelter where abused women can stay for 90 days while transitioning out of an unhealthy relationship, if they choose to not return to it. She says there are several ways religion can be harmful, including denial.

“A lot of times, the church may not welcome discussion. I know a woman whose church does not want to believe she’s in an abusive relationship because they know him and think he’s a very nice, likable guy. Well, he is a very nice, likable guy. However, in the home, you have other things that do take place and, sometimes, a church doesn’t want to face the situation and this makes it hard for the wife to come forward. It’s a very taboo subject that nobody wants to talk about and the women are afraid of being ostracized in church,” she said.

When a husband with control issues uses his wife’s religious beliefs against her, he can gain further control over her. She may feel as though God will withhold approval if she fails to submit to her husband’s “authority” as God’s “head” of the household. Boaz says this can prohibit her from giving herself permission to leave the abusive relationship.

“They feel like they need permission to leave and they don’t get it sometimes. I know a woman who got very upset with her pastor. She said ‘wait a minute; I’m the victim and you’re making me feel like it’s all my fault.’ That made it very difficult for her to go back to that church and sit under that pastor,” she said.
An unhealthy approach to religion can reinforce a person’s poor self-esteem by placing a heavy emphasis on performance, which can contribute to a co-dependent dynamic in the home.

“When a woman is in an abusive relationship, there is almost always some form of co-dependence that hinders her recovery process. It becomes very difficult for her to separate from him; I call it a ‘soul tie.’ The two have a deep bond and she feels very attached, or tied, to him. That tie isn’t usually broken when she leaves the relationship and most people don’t even know they need to break a soul tie. Then, they go on to repeat their behaviors by gravitating toward the same type of man because the soul tie was never broken. This is why women will look for the same type of man they just left. They’re conditioned to it and it’s familiar; it seems normal to them,” she said.

Not only does this factor in for the individual but it often spreads to children.
“What we often see at the shelter is second and third generation of abused women - it’s normal to them. A woman may not even recognize it as abuse because it may not be as bad as what her mother went through,” she said.

Boaz also says many abused women become confused and “don’t even know who to listen to anymore.” However, the confusion is not limited to domestic violence.
“Everything has a ‘voice.’ Everything in your life speaks to you and you have to permit yourself to take control over who you allow to speak to you and who you’re going to listen to. By the time women come to us, they have the self-talk in their head, the voices of friends and the voices of family members. Everybody is telling them what they should do. It drowns out the sound of their own voice and they need to be able to just be quiet so they can sort through things and find their own voice again,” she said.

Boaz says breaking destructive cycles requires a great deal of effort to overcome one’s conditioning.

“You have to radically change paths if you want to truly be free. If you’re in an unhealthy relationship, it will require effort to make a change because it won’t seem natural. You’re conditioned to bad habits and patterns. You have to change your thought patterns. You have to make different choices concerning your surroundings and the people you allow to be around you in order to get a different outcome. If you keep doing the same things, you’ll keep getting the same results. You have to take control over your conditioning and that’s not easy,” she said.

Religion does play a role in domestic violence, and I hope that more churches educate themselves so they don't play the wrong one.

Why won't you help me?

wsaw.com had a story I found in which we speak of here. I hate to say this, but I have to wonder if it will take a lawsuit....and maybe even a death to get control of the church's thoughts on domesti violence.

In Pursuit of Happiness: Elizabeth's Story, 'Why Won't You Help Me?' Save Email Print


Posted: 4:31 PM Nov 20, 2008
Last Updated: 11:21 PM Nov 20, 2008
Reporter: Liz Hayes
Email Address: lhayes@wsaw.com


For many people experiencing difficulties in life, reaching out to their church or community of faith seems like a good move.

But one area victim of domestic violence says that wasn't the case for her.

Continuing our series, 'In Pursuit of Happiness,' Liz Hayes shares Elizabeth's story. She's a woman who contacted her church when she discovered she was in an abusive relationship, but says they blamed her.

"I have wanted to be married and be a mother ever since I was a little girl. I love having a family. I want to be married, I want to have all my children live with me. I don't have that right now," she said.

44-year-old Elizabeth didn't have the perfect childhood, but as a married woman things got really tough after tragedy struck....the death of the couple's 8-month-old daughter.

"At her funeral the pastor said through this experience you will either become bitter or better."

She says her husband began attacking her emotionally after the enormous loss. On the anniversary of the child's death... the couple had a disagreement. According to police reports, it escalated to violence.

Elizabeth says her husband grabbed her and threw her onto the bed, her head crashing into the wall.

"He then came on top of me, he had me down with one arm, I was on my side and he began to beat me with his fist, including a punch in the head."

She screamed for her daughter to call 911.

"I took the phone from her and I dialed 911. My husband ran to the phone base and unplugged it."

Elizabeth's husband was arrested. A religious woman, she reached out to their church for help.

"When I went to the church one of the responses was, "Are you sure that he hit you?" "Yes, I'm positive he hit me."

"He has been in church leadership positions, in which he has been highly respected."

She soon discovered her social circle was slipping away.

"We like the way he looks in public, so he must be that way with you."

"My integrity has been questioned, my interpretation of the events has been questioned, and I have been repeatedly told that what he's telling me is correct."

She says the church leaders caused more pain to an already painful situation, adding churches need to become more educated on domestic violence.

"Please help me. I can't take this anymore and I don't know what to do, will you please help me?"

The court system, however, did help.

Her husband plead guilty to battery and was sentenced to one year probation and counseling.

Elizabeth discovered The Women's Community and for once felt validated.

"For the first time I felt like someone understood what I was saying. I had no idea what this power and control was all about."

And Elizabeth says she has a new church community where she is finding the support she needs.

But she says things are still tough. She and her husband are separated, plus she endures physical therapy for her injuries. However, she's finally in control of her own life and will forever be in pursuit of happiness.

Why won't you help me? I wonder what the church says now that they are plastered on the news!