Monday, November 15, 2010

Someone has to be in CHARGE!

Posted by Hannah at 7:00 AM

I was watching a discussion about 'headship'. The term isn't in the bible, and I have noticed that certain circles have placed the word 'biblical' in front of it to make it sound 'holy' I guess.

On the one side all it bubbled down to the phrase, "Someone has to be in charge!” That would be Jesus, but that is not what was meant within their conversation of course.

Unfortunately, some men make their position as they see it anyway - as some sort of power grab.  You see it and feel it within their responses when they must remind others WHOM is in charge - whom the HEAD is, etc.

To me I see projection in their response.  They normally state how the current culture is telling women if they aren’t in a position OVER men they are seen as a doormat.  I see quite the opposite.  You can see how they must feel like a doormat if they are not seen as OVER someone.

Mutuality isn’t ‘power over’ someone.  When there is mutuality there is no doormat.

The bible states we need to work towards being “one in Christ”, but it seems the headship crowd are more worried about reminding everyone who the ‘head’ is.  Their focus is off, and should be more on Christ.


Philippians 2

1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Humility today seems to be a dirty word, and certain men would even say it emasculates them in some fashion.  Jesus asked us to find comfort from his love, and to make his joy complete we would all be like minded, and one minded.  Humility allows us to not value ourselves, or our interests more than we should.

The way 'headship' crowd go around reminding everyone of men’s place? This shows to me the selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Reminding everyone WHOM is in charge is placing their own interests above others.  How?  They must be recognized properly.  To me its quite the opposite of what Jesus asked them to do. 

Honorable Men

When others call them on this 'attitude' that is seen as arrogance?  They seem to try to justify themselves.  I know most would think it was the 'ladies' that pointing this out, but more and more often I see men doing the same thing.

The response these honorable men receive is along the lines of: Your view avoids scripture because of a reflex reaction based out of your disdain for a "male dominated society" rather than an appreciation for the will of God. 

Male domination is in their own interest, and they tend to try to downplay that.  I mean how often do you see humble servants reminding everyone else they get the last word? The contradiction comes when they have to remind others WHOM the top dog is!

Emasculation is not what Jesus is after, but the fear of that emasculation - in headship crowds eyes - is what they would be left with.  God's will asks for humility, and reminding everyone of their headship with the attitude in question?  Who is showing the true disdain?

I think the real problem is they can’t admit their ‘headship’ banter doesn’t sound humble.  The deception is they feel it will emasculate them, and yet Jesus wasn’t anywhere near that was he?  They believe a lie.

Authority Is A Dirty Word?

To often the headship crowd reminds others that they feel ‘authority’ is a dirty word.  If you watch closely they are also the ones most of the time that are telling others to lift them up.  They will be the ‘interpreters and enforcers’ of the law.  They assume the right to show you what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’, and also feel the right to enforce it.

When I read about the approachable nature of Jesus in the bible he certainly doesn’t come off like others that wish to remind ‘people’ of their place.  Jesus had authority, and the bible speaks about how others could ‘feel’ that authority when he spoke.  People gravitated towards him due to his compassion, humble nature, and because he spoke with love and grace.

It looks to me like there may more than one definition of authority.   One seems to wanting to use their ‘authority’ to their advantage, and to remind others whom it is in charge.  Why they don’t realize when you come off like that you are seen as threat?  You are not seen as safe?

They speak with a ‘big head’, and you can feel the threat of being squished!  That is NOT what the bible had in mind!

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Lewis on 10:12 AM said...

Great post. I've always said that authority that has to continually announce and pronounce itself isn't any kind of authority worth submitting to.

shadowspring on 11:16 AM said...

I heard a new song on Christian radio yesterday. It was written from the p.o.v. of a husband/father asking God to help him be faithful to what he was "called to be".

Most of the song is awesome and portrays a humble heart seeking to honor God and serve others. But that chorus starts out claiming that his wife wants "strong arms to LEAD her".

Uh, no, she is to be led by the Holy Spirit. You, dear husband, and supposed to be (along with all disciples) serving your family in love. God doesn't "call" you to lead anywhere. Jesus commands you love.

With all this Orwellian double-speak about "servant leadership" the word servant comes first but the word leader is the one that you hear coming out of their mouths all the time. Even on the radio.

The song would be a thousand times better if the singer asks God to give him strong arms to SERVE his wife/family and the grace to obey what he is "commanded" to DO, not "called" to role-play.

Jesus never called anyone to lord it over others, not even in with the kindest of intentions. He said to be the servant of all. I'd love all men's ministries to replace the word "lead" with "serve".

I let Jesus would love it too! n_n

Waneta Dawn on 8:17 PM said...

" I mean how often do you see humble servants reminding everyone else they get the last word?"

Great observation! That says it all. It is impossible for a person to be a humble servant yet remind even one person that they get the last word/final decision. The two are complete opposites. Notice that Jesus didn't toot his horn or order his disciples to obey him.

"When I read about the approachable nature of Jesus in the bible he certainly doesn’t come off like others that wish to remind ‘people’ of their place. Jesus had authority, and the bible speaks about how others could ‘feel’ that authority when he spoke. People gravitated towards him due to his compassion, humble nature, and because he spoke with love and grace."

This is a profound point, too. The scribes and pharisees trumpeted their authority, much like the complementarian males do today. But Jesus, who didn't mention his credentials, nor flex his muscles, was perceived as one having authority. He turned the world upsidedown. The One with real authority, made himself a servant. Not a "public servant" who calls the shots, but a servant who does the most demeaning tasks like washing filthy feet.

I wonder if Martha had joined Mary and sat at Jesus feet, if Jesus would have helped them prepare the meal. I have every reason to believe he would have.

Hannah on 8:35 PM said...

I can agree with that Waneta!

Charis on 10:08 AM said...

Your "head" picture reminds me of this Mark Driscoll sermon.

Leave the sound off and just look at his diagram of "Complementarian marriage" in minute 13:00.

The wife and children disappear inside the husband.

I was just reading "Families Where Grace is in Place" and VanVonderan speaks of a form of "submission" where the wife disappears (and the children, I might add, just like Driscoll's picture). He also made the same observation as your post about how people heard Jesus and recognized that he spoke with authority and were drawn to him (as opposed to the pharisees).

Charis on 10:34 AM said...

Oops, on second thought, that authority observation wasn't from the book I was reading but from the CBE blog

If you didn't see that yet, I think you would enjoy it, Hannah.

Hannah on 11:27 AM said...

I saw the picture in question. Isn't it funny how the picture of the 'feminist' and the "egalitarian' relationship between the husband and wife as the same size? How they both relate to the children are melted together, and yet the children are only connected to the father via the mother in the comp example. Yes, I agree the wife and children tend to disappear inside the husband.

Christ gave authority as in: Proclaim the Kingdom of God, to heal the sick, and to cast out demons, etc. In none of that authorization did He exercise any enforcement of His way of life. He wanted people to come to know the Lord, and know his ways. Not be dragged in and have it enforced. It was an invitation and not a prison sentence.

The power is in Christ himself, and not in a power grab.

That book sounds GOOD!

Hannah on 11:31 AM said...

''Authority, to a lot of people, is a bad nine-letter word. It can be reduced, though, to a couple of four-letter words: l-o-v-e or f-e-a-r. Only the first carries authority that is real. And that is Jesus’ style.''

I like that!

Anonymous said...

I was appalled to hear from a friend that when she was going through a violent relationship years ago, she consulted our pastor who encouraged her to work it out. She decided to leave after having a major breakdown. When she told the pastor, he sighed and looked at the son, saying, "Well, now you are in charge - you're the head of the household." That just gave that son the permission to continue the battering. He had the poor role modeling of the father and backing of the pastor to abuse the mother, who to this day suffers abuse from this adult son who has been in trouble with the law.

Hannah on 1:52 PM said...

That breaks my heart. Its seems to me people just need to acknowledge for them - common sense has left the building. They just downright refuse to use it.

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