Friday, March 02, 2007

Adult - Children Quiz

Posted by Hannah at 8:48 AM


I have found this quiz - or rather was told about it - and found it very interesting!!

The title has to do with alcoholism, but to be perfectly don't need to be an that type of situation for this to open some eyes!

I'm going to quote something below, and keep in mind BOOZE doesn't always have to be the main factor! Matter of fact I grew up in a home that drugs, booze, or any other substance abuse wasn't a factor! I could relate to some of the questions!

Over the years, those who have studied the "adult child" phenomenon have compiled a list of common characteristics which many people who grew up in dysfunctional homes seem to share. The following characteristics were developed by Dr. Janet G. Woititz.

You may recognize some of them.

Adult Children (of alcoholics:)

...guess at what normal is.

...have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end.

...lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

...judge themselves without mercy.

...have difficulty having fun.

...take themselves very seriously.

...have difficulty with intimate relationships.

...overreact to changes over which they have no control.

...constantly seek approval and affirmation.

...feel that they are different from other people.

...are either super responsible or super irresponsible.

...are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved.

...tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self loathing, and loss of control of their environment. As a result, they spend tremendous amounts of time cleaning up the mess.

These characteristics are, of course, general in nature and do not apply to everyone. Some may apply and others not. And there are still other characteristics which are not on this list. But if any of these sound all too familiar, you may benefit by learning more about the phenomenon.
If you would like to learn more about support group programs for those who grew up in alcoholic homes, check the resources from Al-Anon Family Groups or the Adult Children of Alcoholics organization.

I sincerely believe that unless the victims do their own work on themselves, and place the "Why do they do that?" to the side....we can't truly move on! Abusers are broken people, but victims have separate issues we must deal with unless we plan on having ourselves go down that same path....maybe not a spouse but other people in our lifes as well...for the rest of our days! Its not meant to SHAME people - its just facts! I found with me old habit patterns that I felt were normal were actually harmful. I also found that at times it was HARD to accept, and when faced with that "change" I promised myself for a didn't hurt as much as I thought it would! The next time it got easier, and in time I truly felt growth!

This is to help your growth - not to shame and cause harm! We need to take a good look ourselves, and change our reactions also. I'm NOT talking in terms of being able to cope with abuse! God does NOT ask us to COPE with sin! I found that some will tell victims that we are called to suffer like Christ did! I'm talking in terms of why to hold on to a relationship that is very damaging - like abusive ones! I don't agree with enabling the abuser under the guise of "we are called to suffer". Christ had a purpose for his suffering, and that purpose was US! The reactions and suffering we may have to endure when we bring abuse into the light...NOW there is a purpose that God may ask us to endure! The abusers reactions, others reactions to them when it hits the fan, the possible separation, etc so we can live in safety and peace until they deal with their own issues...that suffering has a purpose! Suffering because others find this subject to hard to deal with...that is their purpose not what God wants for us! Our faith is what will get us thru that! God will be there for us then, and when we get past it.....we will see that growth God wishes for us!

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Anonymous said...

I am so glad to see this site which does not tell the verbally abused Christian to simply, blindly forgive. I was severely verbally abused as a child yet told constantly that my parents were wonderful, that I was spoiled, that I had everthing I ever wanted. The fact is, without God, I would have killed myself. His love saved me. Claire Copeland

Hannah on 9:23 AM said...

The children do suffer, and I think that is the part people tend to overlook. They seem to feel if both parents aren't around 24/7 then the children would suffer more than they do now.

Its show how little they realize the suffering they are enduring at present.

Anonymous said...

This is so true ... I am in love with a woman who is emotionally abused and controlled, even as an adult, her parents are leaders in the church, but thier private lives need to be shown and shattered for healing to begin. Going to be along journey, but with help and support...

Anonymous said...

I need some critical advice. I have realized for the last year that my parents have been emotionally abusing me. Four months ago, my mother was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. I am having a very hard time being here. My fiance and I want to get married. My parents need me at home. I don't know what to do. I have a strong faith in God and have been praying like crazy about this. My fiance sees what is going on with my parents and me and is trying to make me see it clearer. I feel like I am in denial over it. Am I running away and being a coward if I decide to leave them and go marry my fiance? I am an only child and feel highly responsible for both of them. They are not old but I am still their only daughter and owe them something. Please help.

Anonymous said...

I am still a child, but I recently realized that I have had an abusive relationship with my mother since I was about seven years old. I decided to do some research to confirm wheter or not this is true. I really do appreciate websites like these for they open my eyes to see that I can have a better life.

Hannah on 8:18 AM said...

Anonymous 6 - I'm praying for your journey, and for me at least education helped me so much! It acknowledge things no one else would.

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