Not Ready To Make Nice

I recently listened to the Dixie Chick's song, 'Not Ready To Make Nice'. To me the lyrics have a univeral meaning to them. I could relate to my stand on Emotional Abuse and Faith.

To me it speaks about the things you hear alot about when you start to speak about the abuse within your home. Then you realize you have to make some breaks, because people truly aren't listening and don't understand.

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

The song and video were not made for this issue, but I felt alot of lyrics rang true about the feelings you get when you deal with Domestic Violence and the Church. The invalidation you feel, and the suffering they wish to continue.

I’m not ready to make nice (and see him right now)
I’m not ready to back down (and go back home)
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round (with the guilt trips from everyone, the parrotting of scripture, debates, Entitlment, etc.)
It’s too late to make it right (I can't MAKE him make it right!)
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should (speaks to me about the pressure people place you under, and yet are not willing to hear.)

Check out the video link on Youtube, 'Not Ready To Make Nice'

It spoke to me. What do you think?

Cause of the broken family: Fleeing feet or flying fists?

From time to time I receive a comment about how staying within an abusive environment, and submitting to an abusive man brings healing to a family.

How?

Your chaste behavior towards a person that is beating you will turn their ways around. You are asked to suffer like the slaves were asked to in scripture, because it does mention the submit part for wives shortly afterwards. You are told to suffer as Jesus did for us! God is calling you to SUFFER for HIM!

We read in the bible many times in which people fled from danger, because God opened the door for escape. Jesus did this. David did this. We find stories of people hiding others, and lying to authorities about their presence there to save the lives of those that are hidden. You are told those don't count.

WELL It Worked FOR ME!

Do we say to missionaries that are persecuted to death that they were at fault because they didn't LOVE their enemy the right way? What about the verse that says, “Ask for it, believing, and it will be done.” Did they not believe, and that is why those under the power of Satan did those awful things to them?

WELL I bet we can find at least a COUPLE of persecuted missionaries that escaped will tell you it worked for THEM...so it MUST be so! Right? We need to Praise God for his help towards those faithful servants, and pretty much remind people that missionaries that died that they were at fault after all because they didn't do it right! Look at the spiritual few that it worked for!

The church would have a fit if we said that wouldn't they? Why does that make sense when someone is being terrorized within the home? OH YES - the magical bond right? Ahem sorry! The Spiritual one.

The fleeing feet caused the fracturing of the family, and not the flying fists and sinful actions of the abuser!

You just didn't do something RIGHT, and that is why all these awful things are happening to you! The fists and the emotional abuse are because you were NOT a good spouse, and if you try better? God will change your circumstance.





Instead of a person lets use a object. Break a plate through violence and it's broken. Period.

Even if you keep the shattered pieces "together" instead of removing them from the house, that's only denial to say that the plate isn't broken. The plate has still been broken by violence.

It takes time and work to attempt to glue those pieces together again to see if it will work as a plate again. If you are craftsman you will get it to work, but if you are half hearted or careless it won't.

You use the wrong adhesive, and when you wash it? The heat of that atmosphere will break it apart again.

You throw that plate down on the floor, and more shattered pieces will be present. Throw it again? You have even more!

If you were that perfect spouse and God made that plate whole again, and once again it was thrown to the floor would it not smash?

In the case of an abused Christian spouse, she (or he) can do only their own part by behaving in a Christlike manner.

A Christian wife can no more accept the love of Jesus on behalf of her husband than she can do his own breathing for him to keep him alive. It can't happen the other direction either!

You should have KNOWN!

If I had known what I know today, and I started to date the spouse that abused me...and didn't get married but left? Would that have stopped him from abusing the next person?

Most people would say chances are NOT! Most everyone KNOWS that if you leave a dangerous person they aren't going to be less dangerous with the next person they meet. They may act nicer to them, and not do certain things...but it makes them no less dangerous. Why? They are more than willing to do it to someone!

That part of them that is full of rage, contempt, hurt, etc will still be there. THE core within them can be changed ONLY if they do the hard work, and make that sincere decision to stick with it. That person is the only one that can invite the Holy Spirit to come into their life, and allow God to change them. It's a totally PERSONAL decision, and there is WORK involved with it!




We make sure that pedophiles are kept away from children. We no longer keep booze in the presence of alcoholics. We keep our drugs locked up around addicts. We take temptations away from those that are tempted to the BEST of our ability!

The one that is asked to be the craftsman to put that plate back together? That would be the responsibility of the plate.

Why does that make sense?

Abuse in the Spiritual Realm

Once in a while you come across a very moving video regarding dealing with domestic violence within the church.


Spiritual Help for the Abused is a very pretty and moving video.

I wanted to share this. Speaking about this domestic violence within the home is the first step toward healing. There are alot of places of worship that encourage the silence, but that is not what the Bible states is to happen. The truth is to be brought into the light, because that is what God's word says.

Truth is what brings healing, and not silence as a tool for the sacrifice for others not wishing to face it.

Saddleback's Tom Holladay Back pedal about domestic violence

Saddleback removes audio clip saying abuse no excuse for divorce , but it took them HOW LONG to come up with an excuse as to WHY?

I guess Saddleback didn't have their damage control together fast enough when they decided they made silly and dangerous remarks about domestic violence. They decided months later to let the world know about their error at abpnews.com, but NOT leave any explanation or explain themselves at the time. Sorry, but that doesn't make any sense.

"I wish there were a third [reason for divorce] in Scripture, having been involved as a pastor with situations of abuse," Holladay said. "There is something in me that wishes there were a Bible verse that says, 'If they abuse you in this-and-such kind of way, then you have a right to leave them.'"

He let the Baptist news outlet know his statement had to do with other forms of domestic violence, and you seem to have the right to leave ONLY if physical abuse is present now. It took how many months to come up with this? It seems to me if that was the case he would have corrected that error on the website with explanation. Where is the excuse about making sure you are 'beat regular', and how that was a prefectly acceptable comment as well? How will he explain that one away? lol wrong section for that as well?

Come on Mr. Holladay you can do better than that! It takes you months to come up with what you have so far, and ONLY after it set the world on fire on how insane the comments were?

What the clip didn't make clear, Holladay said recently, is the question he was answering had to do with abusive language and not physical abuse. The way it was edited, Holladay said, gave the impression that a chronically violent and abusive situation is the only just cause for separation.

"We believe that one violent incident is obviously more than enough to demand the need for a separation," Holladay said in a statement to church members. "This has always been the advice that we give."

Holladay said "in an attempt to explain the difference between an angry exchange between spouses and domestic violence, I used words that seemed -- especially when taken out of context -- that I believe a long term multiply violent situation is the only cause for a separation."

"That is not what I and we believe or advise," he said. "Instead, we advise that in a domestic violence situation the first step is to get immediately to safety. I apologize for a poor choice of words that made it seem in any way that we do not advise this."

Holladay said Saddleback believes that God can restore a marriage in which abuse has occurred, but if an abusive spouse refuses to repent and try to change, there eventually comes a point at which he or she has abandoned the marriage and it cannot be saved.

So now he is speaking about 'abusive languange' only. Then downplays that to an 'angry exchange'. What is that? A little spat now?

"I wish there were a third [reason for divorce] in Scripture, having been involved as a pastor with situations of abuse," Holladay said.

Its not abuse remember? Its abusive languange and an 'angry exchange'.

"There is something in me that wishes there were a Bible verse that says, 'If they abuse you in this-and-such kind of way, then you have a right to leave them.'"

RIGHT! So threats, ridicule, mocking, and breaking one's spirit you WISH the bible addressed, and so Saddleback could advise you had the right to some sense of safety. NOW the home that is to be a sense of peace can't be because there isn't any scripture mentioning things that would go against that. They can't do anything about that. Remember its just an 'angry exchange'. RIGHTTTTT!

How about Mr. Holladay release the entire session - uncut - since it was edited uncorrectly to show this fab new advice? Could it be that wouldn't be so fab at that point either? We just remove it, and wait MONTHS to comment as to WHY we removed it...and only address one PORTION of what people felt was wrong with your statements?

What about the statements about being beat on a regular basis? Was that an audio error as well?

And when I say physical abuse, I mean literally when someone is beating you regularly. I don’t mean they grabbed you once. I mean they’ve made a habit of beating you regularly. You need to separate from that situation. That’s the only thing that’s going to solve that. It’s the only possibility of solving it.

NO if he beat you ONCE you DON'T need to separate!

Carter Speaks out about Treatment of women of faith, and how it encourages domestic violence!

I ran across this article today regarding our former President Carter, and how he feels that faiths have been doing women (in some sectors of course) a disservice. That they are using cherry picked scripture to keep them in a inferior position, and he feels its against scripture.

The words of God do not justify cruelty to women, and when I read that I almost fell off my chair today.



He seemed have joined an organization called The Elders, and they wish to speak about things that seem more like 'tradition' or 'culture' than truth when it comes to issues like women's rights in this aspect. I was floored when I came across this. Churches for the most part don't wish to acknowledge this is happening, and here comes a gentleman that is willing to bring the truth into the light!

He also has decided after MANY years to leave the Baptist church over their view of women in scripture.

I have been a practising Christian all my life and a deacon and Bible teacher for many years. My faith is a source of strength and comfort to me, as religious beliefs are to hundreds of millions of people around the world.

So my decision to sever my ties with the Southern Baptist Convention, after six decades, was painful and difficult. It was, however, an unavoidable decision when th e convention's leaders, quoting a few carefully selected Bible verses and claiming that Eve was created second to Adam and was responsible for original sin, ordained that women must be "subservient" to their husbands and prohibited from serving as deacons, pastors or chaplains in the military service. This was in conflict with my belief - confirmed in the holy scriptures - that we are all equal in the eyes of God.

This view that women are somehow inferior to men is not restricted to one religion or belief. It is widespread. Women are prevented from playing a full and equal role in many faiths.

Nor, tragically, does its influence stop at the walls of the church, mosque, synagogue or temple. This discrimination, unjustifiably attributed to a Higher Authority, has provided a reason or excuse for the deprivation of women's equal rights across the world for centuries. The male interpretations of religious texts and the way they interact with, and reinforce, traditional practices justify some of the most pervasive, persistent, flagrant and damaging examples of human rights abuses.

At their most repugnant, the belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men excuses slavery, violence, forced prostitution, genital mutilation and national laws that omit rape as a crime. But it also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair access to education, health, employment and influence within their own communities.

Part of the statement from this organization was as follows:

Religion and tradition are a great force for peace and progress around the world.

However, as Elders, we believe that the justification of discrimination against women and girls on grounds of religion or tradition, as if it were prescribed by a higher authority, is unacceptable.

We believe that women and girls share equal rights with men and boys in all aspects of life.

We call upon all leaders to promote and protect equal rights for women and girls.

We especially call on religious and traditional leaders to set an example and change all discriminatory practices within their own religions and traditions.

The Elders are fully committed to the realisation of equality and empowerment of all women and girls.

I applaud Past President Carter's Stand on this issue!

I have heard almost ALL my life about how the teachings of the role women do not equal 'less than', but to me actions speak louder than words! That is NOT to say that men of all faiths act or believe this way, but to say there isn't many? That's hardly the truth! It takes men like President Carter that are willing to speak up, and take the critism about this that will make a difference for all.

It may also change the roles of men in a good and healthy way. It will encourage more men that do serve their roles within the family in a biblical way to stand up and speak up against the ones that push the 'tryant' ways of others. No one wishes to rock the boat, but maybe now the issue can be discussed.

If we can open this door, and speak of the injustice that is done in the realm of women? What is to stop the conversation from contining on to Sexual abuse among other things. You won't have to worry about people accusing you of 'slandering a man of God' when you dare speak a word. WOW maybe common sense can be used, and uglies can be faced instead of hidden.

I have no doubt there will be either silence or a major uproar over his stand. I started a thread at Crosswalk's Ibelieve forum in their 'current event' section. I have to seriously wonder if anyone will have the courage to even talk about this.

Carter Speaks out about Treatment of women of faith, and how it encourages domestic violence! What a man of GOD!