Abusive Marriages - Speaking to the abuser

Very Touching article on What has Jesus Done In Your Life's Blog!

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself
up for her” Ephesians 5:25

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. “ Ephesians 5:22

Have you been abused in your marriage? There is not a more difficult issue that I have to deal with every day than abuse. People are abused in many ways. Physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, and financial are the most common forms of abuse and can happen at every stage of life. Children are abused. Teens are abused. Adults are abused. The elderly are abused.
This is such a sweeping, widespread issue that so many face in their life I could do an entire month of Devotionals on just this one topic alone. I have dealt with abuse many times over the years. Just earlier in the year I dealt with the sexual abuse of children. However, today I want to focus strictly on those who are in an abusive marriage.

One of the dark secrets in the church is the amount of abuse that takes place in so many homes, from pastors and those in leadership down to the person in the pew. Remember, these are not homes of people who deny God’s existence, reject the Bible as Truth, or have rejected the love of Christ. These are homes of people who do believe in God, do believe the Bible is Truth, and do believe in Jesus! These are also homes where one spouse is abusing the other, and in some cases, both spouses are abusing each other!
To people on the outside, these may look like perfect marriages. Only the husband and wife know that there is a dark side to their marriage, abuse.

Let me say that this is why I implore people to take the TIME and the EFFORT to build a spiritual foundation to their marriage BEFORE they get married. Everyone is on their best behavior, says all the right things when they are dating. However, over time, you begin to know who the person you are planning to marry really is. It is very difficult to pray with someone, read the Word with someone, go to church with someone, find ways to serve the Lord with someone, talk about all of the key issues of your future life together, do this over a year or two, and all of a sudden after you take your wedding vows discover the person you married is an abuser.

Does that happen? Yes! People do change over time. When you add in the pressure of careers, children, the issues of life we all have to face along this journey, on top of what I have always said is the most difficult thing in the world, making two flesh become one in marriage, people do change. Abuse CAN enter into even the most Christ-centered marriage. The key is to deal with it IMMEDIATELY. Don’t let abuse exist. Fight it right away. The very first time it occurs, deal with it! Otherwise, like all sin, it will only grow and get worse. ABUSE DOES NOT JUST GO AWAY OVER TIME, IT ONLY GETS WORSE OVER TIME!

Please understand that God NEVER intended you or anyone to be abused. If your husband or wife abuses you in any way, confront them immediately since they need professional and spiritual help. If the abusing spouse refuses to get help, do not be a hero! You are going to accomplish NOTHING by staying in an abusive marriage. Your very life could be at stake. Please listen to me carefully. I am NOT saying to run out and get a divorce. I am saying to separate yourself from your abusing spouse until they are willing to deal with their abuse and get professional and spiritual help.

Saying I’m sorry is NOT going to make everything better. Abusers are professional apologizers. They are masters at it. I don’t doubt that they are sincere. So is the alcoholic who is hung over, feeling like it would be better to die and vowing to never drink again. Or the gambler who loses a huge bet saying he will never bet again. Until they are serious enough to seek out help, seek the Lord for the strength to live in freedom from their abusive ways, they are not going to change. Like any addiction, an abuser has to want to stop and then take the steps necessary professionally and spiritually to get victory over their abusive ways.

Only after time has passed and the abusive spouse has shown a track record of making changes in their life, should the abused spouse even think about moving back into the same home. What are they supposed to do in the meantime? Stand in the gap for their spouse. Pray for them to turn to the Lord and find His strength to turn from their abusive ways. Press into the Lord since they will need His strength and His presence to heal and move forward with their life. The biggest trap during this time is getting
involved with someone else. Remember, you are still married! Did you really mean it when you made your vows to your spouse and to God, “For better or for worse?”

Now is the time to make your faith real, shun the wisdom of the world that says get divorced, find someone else, and move on. Take a stand for your marriage. God is NOT going to bless a relationship you get involved with outside of your marriage. As a matter of fact, it will only compound your problems. Remember, God will not and is not going to bless sin! We all come to those places in life when we have to put our faith to the test and
really trust God. It is at those moments of our life that we find our faith, we learn how to depend on and trust in God with everything we have, and come to realize that the promises in the Bible really are for us and they are true! God will protect you, provide for you, care for you, love you, and keep you as you give yourself completely to Him!

I love you and care about you so much. This issue today only highlights again how critical it is to build a strong spiritual foundation with your future spouse over a period of time PRIOR to getting married. You can potentially save yourself so much pain and heartache if you do. Marriage is an incredible blessing from God, a wonderful journey through this life with the person God has given you to share it with. It should be the greatest relationship in your life outside of your relationship with Jesus Christ. To have this person you have committed the rest of your life to abuse you is so sad and tragic.

When we talk about the abuse issue, we normally think of physical and sexual abuse. However, the most common form of abuse in most Christian marriages is verbal, emotional, and financial. For you men and women who are currently abusing your spouse in any way, you know this is not how God has called you to treat your wife or husband. Out of the billions of people on this planet, this is the ONE PERSON God has given to you to share your life with. Why would you abuse that person in any way? God is speaking to you today. God is telling you today to get the help you need, professionally and spiritually. Being an abuser is no different than being an alcoholic, drug addict, or having any other bondage. You need God to set you free!

I will be praying for you today. Praying that the Holy Spirit will bring you under conviction and that you will fall on you knees today and ask God to forgive you. Then go get the help you need to find freedom from your abusive ways. I will also be praying for you wives and husbands who are being abused. I pray that God will watch over you and protect you, that He will give you the strength to stand up to your abusive spouse and hold them accountable for their abuse. That the Lord will help you to make whatever
tough choices you have to make so that you are not living your life each day being abused. I will be praying for God to bring healing to your life, help you to forgive your spouse so that you can move forward.

In the end, this tragic issue like all boils down to Jesus. Those who live in rebellion to God and His Word, who have rejected Christ’s love in their life, will never understand why you need to be saved and marry someone who is also saved They will never comprehend why it is so critical to build a spiritual foundation to your relationship PRIOR to getting married. They have bought the lies of this world that sex is a sport to play with whoever
is willing. They wake up one morning, their lives are a mess, they have been abused in every way imaginable, and they can’t understand why. For them, their only hope and answer is to know Jesus and allow Him to bring healing to their life and transform them into a new creature in Christ.

For those who know the Lord as their Savior, they have no excuse for not calling on His name. We all sin and do things we wish we didn’t do. The key, however, is recognizing our sinful actions, repenting, and asking the Lord to forgive us. We need to remember that when we are weak, He is strong, and to call upon His strength to live a life pleasing and acceptable to the Lord. God does not desire anyone to abuse their spouse but to love
them like He loves us. God does not desire that anyone lives in an abusive marriage, but one of peace and love with Christ at the center.

In His love and service,
Your friend and brother in Christ,
Bill Keller

This author also invites you to contact him - please see the link above for contact information.

Juanita Bynum: Prophet or just seeking to profit?

Link to Story

I was shocked to read this story coming from a pastor - a man of God! Oh my GOODNESS!

I'm not saying he doesn't make any points at all, but his generalizing and stereotyping is AWFUL! According to the Pastor women are naturally angry and domineering until they are 'truly saved'.

My 17 years of counseling with couples and families have shown that when emotional abuse is also taken into account, most often the perpetrators are women.

The dominating and angry spirit that is within many women (until they are truly saved) drives them to destroy their marriages and corrupt children. This is a hard reality that society must acknowledge and deal with straight-up.

Ever since the original corruption of the first woman in the Garden of Eden by the serpent – and man's failure to resist or correct her – that same malevolent spirit has been destroying the relationship between men and women. (And to this day, men continue to perpetuate women's contempt for them by being weak, selfish and angry.)

WOW talk about just a little jaded in his prospective of women overall! I'm NOT going to say there are not some down right evil women on this earth! I would NEVER say that women don't hit or even KILL men! If some strange feminist want to claims that - more power to them! I mean they will have a bunch of people (notice no gender there) giggling at their ignorance!

On the other hand, women by nature overall are NOT weak, selfish and angry primarily! As far as agression goes I would assume we are to NOT look into those studies about testosterone or anything right? We should ignore the silly teachings of society when they encourage men NOT to cry because they won't be 'real' men and stuff their real feelings down?!

Lets just take a look at the a bunch of young adults like those in High School. Who are the ones primary doing the phyiscal damage in their fun, and which have the vicious cat fights, etc. SURE there are exceptions to the rules, and I'm sure with some groups of high schooler's there are just the opposite...girls that damage and boys that are in the cat fights! There are always exceptions to the rule...I mean we are humans here!

Christians need to search their hearts about what it really means to be "born again." Only then will they be able to reject false preachers and resist the forces that seek to destroy God's order, and the bond between man and woman.

I personally feel this pastor needs to do the same thing. He has a jaded and false view of women overall, so how can he be teaching them properly?

MOST of the article has to do with the fact Juanita is going to get 'innocent' plead, and make loads of money off of shaming her husband. Hints of you don't know what she did to deserve this, and how they couldn't be truly 'saved' in his eyes.

I personally don't know enough about either of them to speak of their ministries in depth, but to say neither of them are saved is NOT his call! Go on about how men get hit also, etc has NOTHING to do with the story at hand. Do I agree with everything she has done? NOPE! I don't agree with all she has done! Do I think she was hurt? Yes I do! They had an employee that saw this, and yet people over hint at the fact...maybe he didn't. ORRRRRRRR what did she do to MAKE him hit! I mean as if we can find a reason GOOD enough to beat your wife! Do I think men get the short end of the stick when this story is reversed? OH YES I do! Very strongly in fact! Do I listen to or AGREE with radical nutcases on either side - men or women - when it comes to this issue that CLAIM they are speaking for their gender? LOL NEVER! I mean we have some CRAZIES on both sides!

What this Pastor and those radicals DON'T understand is MOST people can see past their jaded and slanted views...and see another picture very clearly!

Bishop Weeks hit her plain and simple! The man needs help! Juanita? She also needs help but of a different kind. The fact she had a successful ministry and was called Prophet doesn't take a real man's 'manhood' away enough to justify beating your wife! I do think they both need to step away from ministry, and get their life's back on track! The media buzz towards either side at this point...you have to wonder how good it will do either. She isn't healed enough to be the leader in the domestic abuse stand, and he won't be either in the 'I have changed' arena anytime soon either! That takes time and doesnt' happen over night. WOmen don't just instantly STOP the mindset that got them into abusive relationships, and men don't stop abusing over night either! You want to swap the roles within the last sentence.....lol GO for it! Opinion wouldn't change if reversed either!

Boys and Girls that used to destroy property in their youths, and used to cat fight with others normally grow up and grasp control! MOST of them do! These statements from Pastor Jesse Lee Petersen about how all or most women are rebels, angry, nasty people until some God Fearing man turns them around......it JUNK! Wake up Pastor! There is no scripture to back you up on that gender evilness overall stuff! That is your own jaded mindset, and personally you need to be looking at yourself! GOD HELP the people you counsel! OUCH!

This whole story is sad, and its turning into a circus. YOu have to wonder if anything of substance will come from it. BLECK!

The Happy File

I found this post at Proverbs 31 ministries Daily Devotions What an awesome exercise to do to remind us of the things that are important! WE HAVE JESUS!

The Happy File
By Luann Prater

“Be joyful always.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16 (NIV)

It wasn’t what some would call a perfect day, but to her it was special. We had spent the day together just hanging out around the house. Simple things like lunch on the deck, soaking in the sunshine, and giggling over funny memories traced the outlines of our shared moments. That’s when she whispered a few words as if she were telling herself a secret, “This day is going in my Happy File.”

She explained that her Happy File was a record kept of God’s simple blessings, those moments in time that beam with a little extra spark. You know the ones. When no one else would get it, but whenever you recall it… you smile. Her collection was spilling over the top.

Often we choose to hang onto the bad memories. We relive the abuse. We replay piercing words. We carry the guilt and hold on to the shame. We forget the promise of Romans 8:1, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (NIV). No condemnation. Period, nada, zip, none!

She found the Happy File very helpful when darkness came creeping into her life. Satan loves to fill our minds with negative thoughts and trip us up with stumbling blocks. A stash of happiness works like a flashlight in the middle of the night. The evil one can cloud our world with gloom, but when we open the file that holds God’s blessings, the shadows are shattered.

So what are you choosing to keep on file? Here is the deal. Start a collection of Happy Files! God’s fingerprints are all over each day. Look for them! Record them! Recall them!

Next, pull out those old musty files that have collected guilty dust and shameful mildew. One by one as they come to your mind plunge them into God’s thought-shredder. Second Corinthians 10:5 instructs, “Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (NIV). When you say this verse out loud, something amazing happens! The thoughts go away! God longs to give you freedom from guilt, shame, worry, and anything else that hinders your ability to be joyful.

When you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you can begin daily to rid your mind of the garbage Satan has dumped on you and replace it with Happy Files. Then you truly can BE JOYFUL ALWAYS.

Dear Father, thank You for forgiving us for every sin we have ever committed and promising never to condemn us for them! Help us each day to choose to live in the freedom of that promise and to be joyful always. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
The Confident Woman by Anabel Gillham
She Speaks! conference
Do You Know Him?
Application Steps:
Get a package of index cards that are spiral bound. Begin to record “God moments” on them. Keep this Happy File where you can easily grab it in case of unexpected darkness.

Reflections:
What gloom am I allowing to hang over me?

How can I walk in the light of God’s promise every day?

Why am I resistant to let go of the past?

Power Verses:
Psalm 68:3, “But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful.” (NIV)

Isaiah 55:12, “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace.” (NIV)

Psalm 40:1, “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.” (NIV)

Romans 4:20-21, “Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.” (NIV)