Insecurity, and the ‘MANHOOD’ race that breeds it

Culture is a very powerful thing no matter where you live.  I mentioned that last time I wrote when I spoke of India’s Daughter.

 

It’s very hard to speak about the dangerous aspects of culture, because ‘this is how it is’ type of statements are used to shut down the conversation.

 

What they refuse to do is acknowledge that YES you can change aspects that harm your society, but it reminds me of the saying ‘you can’t fight city hall’ at times.  Their insecurity wipes out all common sense.

 

In India proving your womanhood is accepting your second class status, and revering the authority of men.  They are much more upfront about this second class status, whereas here in the states places like CBMW tend to use women mouth pieces like Mary Kassian to get a blunt as they are.

 

Both places tend to enrich insecurity in men by asking them to prove their manhood.  They need to learn to display it, prove it to the world around them.  That is the only way they keep their ‘authority’.

 

Greg Hahn started to blog recently, and he spoke of some statements that John Piper had made.  I encourage you to read his post – its very good!

 

When you listen to what John Piper is saying about how people can’t explain to a little boy what biblical manhood is – or little girl about her role as far as that goes….it seems to come down to authority.  That is the only difference.  If Egalitarians can’t tell a little boy about his manhood in terms of his authority…they can’t tell that little boy how to be a man….biblically.

 

Insecurity

 

“Most American men know perfectly well the qualities they must display to be considered fully creditable as men: power, competitiveness, and toughness.”

That’s the prize, right there. You have to be “considered fully creditable as a man”. And the unspoken understanding of many is that you don’t just get that from having X and Y chromosomes and reaching adulthood. You have to earn your manhood, so as to be seen manly by those around you. If you can feel it, all the better, but in the very least you need to be seen that way.

 

I quoted part of Greg Hahn’s article, because he makes a great point here to me.

 

To me culture within certain faith communities, and YES that includes complementarianism are individuals having to prove our ‘gender hood’ constantly.  They play into fears – of secular culture – in order to raise your insecurity.  Most of the time they love exaggerating these fears about culture as well.  That way you drive even harder to disprove the misconception.

 

Men are always told how to show their ‘manhood’, and women in this circle are shown how they can prove they are not a FEMINIST!

 

If you have read enough of the complementarian model you know authority within manhood is very important.  Yes, they claim this authority is based in Christ-like servanthood.  Yet, if you listen to the messages this servanthood is based in the ‘this is how it is’ model.

 

It’s similar to India’s viewpoint towards their females:  She should not be put on the streets just like food.  The ‘lady’, on the other hand, you can say the ‘girl’ or ‘woman’, are more precious than a gem, than a diamond.  Its up to you how you want to keep that diamond in your hand.  If you put that diamond on the street, certainly the dogs will carry it out.  You can’t stop it”   - Attorney for Rapists

 

The man is constantly proving his manhood, and if the woman steps out of ‘this is how it is’ mode?    It’s ultimately the man’s fault for not treating his gem or diamond as he should.  He placed her out of the street, and let the dogs carry her out.  The women should know their place in the home – where they are safe from the dogs.

 

In India, if you are out after the time some man feels you shouldn’t be?  If they think you are with a man that is NOT a family member?  They teach you a lesson by rape.

 

They seem to feel they are taking their authority, but there is no true authority there.  Its just cockeyed.

 

This is what happens when you don’t follow my authority.

 

Women are told to make sure their men ‘feel’ their manhood, and men are constantly having to show their manhood. 

 

It’s not really manhood they are speaking about, but authority if you want to get down to it.

 

You also notice it’s a never ending race to earn your manhood, and yet you are told you are ‘wired’ that way.

 

It really makes no sense does it?

 

If your woman doesn’t show the ‘this is how it is’ model of biblical womanhood it reflects badly on your manhood or authority.  This lack of authority within his household helps feed the insecurity, and the threat of him having a feminist within his home?  You need to MAN UP!  (I hate that term!)  This normally leads to cruel things happening in order to teach her a lesson.

 

The insecurity over his threat to his manhood is the justification.  Its similar to India’s justification of rape we read about above.  This is what happens when you don’t follow my authority.  Heck, they will take it a step further – for dramatic purposes – stating she emasculated him.

 

When people are taught that is how you treat a gem or a diamond?  It reflects the sense of worth they truly have towards the other gender, but you are told you don’t get it if you point this out.

 

It seems to me that they breed insecurity in men, and when you have an insecure person – be it man or women – they tend to lash out.

 

Insecurity leads to contempt

 

Insecure people also tend to use stereotypes, and project irrational fears that they want to come across as normal.  Owen Strachman shows this when he speaks about Baby Bear, and how he think boys playing with dolls is foolish.  He wants to speak about, ‘God-encoded truth about sexuality and gender’!  Yet, we are talking about a preschool kid playing ‘Daddy’.

 

Yes, it’s a great example of ‘this is how it is’!  Yet, its not in reality.  As Greg said, “You have to earn your manhood, so as to be seen manly by those around you. If you can feel it, all the better, but in the very least you need to be seen that way.’'

His father feels shame, because there maybe something in his son that isn’t ‘manhood’ enough.  So, they encourage him to tell his son only girls play with dolls.  You don’t want to be a ‘girl’ do you?

 

His son’s innocent playtime wanting to be a ‘Daddy’ now turns into a show of how the father isn’t teaching his son properly, and Dad’s (manhood) authority is threatened.  You don’t earn your manhood stripes by allowing your son to play with DOLLS!

 

Why people can’t see that is a major brain fart in the realm of common sense is beyond me!  I also don’t understand why they can’t see their reaction as dishonoring women. I mean that is authority gone haywire!  They also – like India – turn women or femininity into the realm of ‘them’.

 

Then you are reduced to ‘them’ contempt isn’t far behind.  Contempt is also a byproduct of insecurity.

 

Culture is hard to change.  Society is learning to accept, love, and grow in diversity..and moving away proving your gender. 

 

Let’s pray that ‘this is how it is’ goes away, and we finally learn to live with the here and now.  Yes, lets turn this around to:  That is how it was.  No fake show of authority needed, and no pressure to earn your manhood that comes from those fake needs.

 

Learning to love and respect humanity just as Jesus did.

India’s Daughter, Difficult to Change Culture

Culture is a very power thing no matter where you live.  It effects your life, and those around you as well.  Changing culture is a very hard thing to do, and people always are afraid of this change.

 

There is never anything truly WRONG with my culture, but it is YOURS that is the problem.

 

We have seen this used against a faith community due to terrorists that claim they represent the faith themselves.  So people condemn them all. 

 

We see the same thing when it comes to same type of generalizations towards race, and gender. 

 

You can condemn things easier when you have removed their humanity.  You then can view them as a group, and that makes your contempt, distain, and hate more palatable.   You can learn to live with that, because you no longer see them as human.

 

They are now just ‘them’.

 

India’s Daughter

 

I had been reading recently about an documentary on BBC about, “India’s Daughter’'.  It is a documentary on the brutal gang-rape of Jyoti Singh in 2012, and speaks of the protests and rioting in that country afterwards. 

 

They wanted to change the culture’s view towards women, and you can feel how HARD that is going to be just by listening to how some of the individuals speak about this horrific crime. 

 

Jyoti Singh is a perfect example of ‘them’ in her culture.

 

(You can try to google the documentary, but I get the impression they are removing it as fast as people can upload it online.  I found it on youtube.)

 

It’s going to be a HUGE uphill battle to change their culture, because their culture has been in place for centuries.  You are brought up from cradle to grave with what they see as acceptable viewpoints towards the female gender.

 

When Jyoti was born her family gave out candies to celebrate her birth, and people didn’t understand WHY they would do this…you only do that for boys.  Her parents told them they celebrate their children. 

 

When she was older she asked that they use her dowry to pay for her schooling, and her parents also sold their ancestral land to pay for her studies. 

 

The culture was astonished that they would throw away all that for this girl.  To her parents she was a good investment, and besides they loved her.

 

She finished her final exams to be a doctor, and she was on break until her 6 months of what we call ‘residency’ started.  She and male friend went to see a movie that night, and on their bus ride home 6 men beat her male friend…and raped, tortured and left her to die on the side of the road. 

 

A man that found her described her as a cow after giving birth.  Her organs were coming out her vagina, and he said he was frustrated because no one was helping.  They just watched.

 

Her mother said her last words were:  Sorry Mummy.  I gave you so much trouble.  I’m sorry.

 

 

At that point the machines flatlined, and her breathing stopped.

 

Jyoti was dead.  Her father’s words about her funeral?  You could feel and hear the heartbreak even though he kept his composure.  I’ll leave the description there, so you may see it for yourself in the documentary.

 

Protests for Change

 

For FAR to many in India? 

 

It was assumed that Jyoti was just one of  ‘them’.

 

Protestors wanted to change that reality for her, and for women in general in India.  They wanted to change people’s minds that she was human, and not a ‘them’. 

 

They want to give females the humanity that they deserve.

 

Like many cultures if you listen to the men (most of them anyway) in this documentary they speak of women as more precious than a gem or diamond.

 

“She should not be put on the streets just like food.  The ‘lady’, on the other hand, you can say the ‘girl’ or ‘woman’, are more precious than a gem, than a diamond.  Its up to you how you want to keep that diamond in your hand.  If you put that diamond on the street, certainly the dogs will carry it out.  You can’t stop it”   - Attorney for Rapists

 

So, in other words the ‘dogs’ (men) see women as food to carry out, because of instinct.  It can’t be stopped.  So, if you don’t show the dogs outside you have food (your women) they can’t carry it out.

 

Problem is their ‘more precious than a gem’ women also are attacked within the house by dogs, and that is also their fault.

 

India Banned The Documentary

 

Now, India is having a problem with this documentary.  They don’t wish for people to discuss the dogs, nor steps on how to stop them.  They claim that the documentary shames their women, and doesn’t represent THEIR India.

 

Let’s be honest here!  We all know its not about how this will shame women, and cause trouble for them.  They just don’t like how their patriarchy on steroids has shamed the dogs.  Their entitled to their place, and their women have theirs.

 

Like I said in the beginning – its hard to change culture.  With progress, education, and changes within their culture?  They will embrace the pride in their country once again.

 

In the meantime?  They better hold on to their hats, because ‘banning’ the film is just causing people to seek it out even more to see it anyway.  They basically gave the film FREE publicity that they were not counting on.

 

I pray that their ‘gems’ receive their humanity back, because no one deserves to be a ‘them’.

 

Additional Resources:

'India's Daughter,' the film banned by India: What did it show?

Indian government remains defiant over ban on BBC rape documentary

Indian Lawyers May Be Reprimanded for Sexist Remarks in Rape Documentary

My Update

It seems like a lifetime since I posted anything on my blog.  No, I haven't stopped just taking a break.

 

My mother had been sick for quite some time, and finally passed away on June 27th.  I guess I have been just processing the whole journey with her, and her very rough ending.  I know at this point she is with Jesus, and in peace finally in heaven.

 

Since then it seems like its one thing after another I have had to deal with, and my friends keep reminding me to allow myself the time to get back on track with my life.  I seemed to have bounced back after the death of my father, but for some reason her death just seemed to drain me of energy and focus.  I suppose that is just part of the mourning process.

 

I had received some notes of concern, and I just wanted to update everyone.  I will be back soon! 

 

Hannah

Use Silly Examples for the 'you don't get it' Generation?

I started reading CBMW’s new e-book they released online.  If you read the Foreword by John Piper it seems this is a introduction to the NEW group of complementarian leaders of our future.  ,

 

I’ll begin with the first chapter of their new e-book. 

 

Owen Strachan is continuing the theme of humans being ‘confused’ by their gender.  How if you allow him to show you the truth about gender and God?  Things just magically work I guess.  WELL at least you are doing it the biblical way anyway right?!  Problem is they are taking the same approach as the past leaders, and using scenes, stories and descriptions in a way that only their ‘group’ can relate to.  Sadly, not their intended audience.  Isn’t that whom they are trying convince…I would think right?

 

Owen Strachan spoke about a movie scene in ‘Juno”, and it made me realize they just plain see things differently compared to how they truly play out.  They read things into circumstances that might not even be there, and apply assumptions that totally miss the mark.

 

Owen Strachan’s description of a scene from the movie, “Juno’. 

The lips of the young woman quivered. Tears rolled down her face. Her angry father stared at her. “I thought you were the kind of girl who didn’t get into this sort of trouble,” he said. She looked back at him confused and adrift: “I guess I don’t really know what kind of girl I am.”

This exchange came in Juno, a poignant film made a few years ago. It’s a quick scene, but it has stuck with me ever since. In this young woman’s reply, I heard the confusion of an entire generation. So many young men and young women don’t know who they are.

Now you can see the scene in question online, and you just google Juno telling her parents she is pregnant.  Otherwise, just click my highlighted link.

 

There was no lips quivering, tears rolling down her face – no an angry father telling her he didn’t think she was that type of girl.  It was a pretty matter of fact scene, and I’m not going to say her father wasn’t disappointed.  He was indeed disappointed.

 

Juno announced that she found a couple that would adopt her child, and pay for all her medical expenses.  Dad wanted to come with her to the meeting to make sure she wasn’t taken advantage of. 

 

Then he says to her, “I thought you were the type of girl that knew when to say when”.  Yes, she did indeed say she didn’t know what type of girl she was.  In the very next scene, the father felt the blame was clearly on his shoulders.  Was he NOT a good enough father?!

 

Her sense of confusion is NOT what he describes – or approaches within this chapter.  He just plucked out, and used it.  Sadly, that’s what’s confusing.