Inland Church enlists Clergy

11:43 PM PST on Saturday, March 5, 2005 * By BETTYE WELLS MILLER / The Press-Enterprise

Although domestic violence is no stranger to those who gather in churches, mosques and synagogues, it is a subject seldom broached by clergy or lay leaders.

That is beginning to change.

Most mainline Protestant denominations and the Catholic Church have adopted policies in the last decade that advise clergy how to respond to parishioners seeking help. Some evangelical Christians and Jewish and Muslim women's groups are organizing conferences and training programs.

Two years ago, the California Department of Health Services awarded California State University Channel Islands $596,500 for a Faith Leaders and Domestic Violence Project to educate religious leaders.

Since 2001, Alternatives to Domestic Violence, which is based in Riverside, has held three conferences for clergy and lay leaders. The Redlands-based Cops & Clergy Network will focus on the issue at a Faith and Justice Summit next year.

California Baptist University, a Southern Baptist college in Riverside, has offered domestic violence workshops for graduate marital and family counseling students for five years. It may open them to the general public this year.

"Like others in our culture, people of faith are coming to terms with the statistics on violence in the family setting," said Nancy Nason-Clark, a sociology professor at the University of New Brunswick and author of "The Battered Wife: How Christians Confront Family Violence."

"Walking with women who have experienced violence on the road to recovery is a central role for faith communities and also, keeping men accountable for their behavior in the family setting," Nason-Clark said in an e-mail.

The experiences of abused women vary considerably.

Nancy, a San Bernardino teacher now legally separated from her husband, has found emotional support from the pastor and congregation of the mission church she attends in Moreno Valley, as well as an offer of groceries, as needed. However, elders at the parent church in Los Angeles County told her she should not have left her husband, she said by phone.

Nancy, who asked that her last name not be used because she fears for her safety, said she left her husband of three years in January because of mental and emotional abuse.

"My husband doesn't get physical," she said by phone. "There's coercion. I have to get permission to get a haircut. ... My church doesn't see this as abuse. It's being a bad husband, but it isn't abuse. ... I'm scared."

Church leaders need to understand that mental and emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse, she said.

"If they don't deal with it when it's a little problem it will become a bigger problem," Nancy said. "They're ignoring sin and letting it continue. ... Part of Christianity is the love you're supposed to have. Perfect love casts out fear. You should not have fear in a marriage relationship."

When Anita Silvestri could no longer ignore the violence in her marriage three years ago, she sought help from her Riverside church.

"I didn't know where to turn," she said. "I had never told anyone in my family or my friends."

Members of Calvary Presbyterian Church supported her and her husband.

That experience prompted the Riverside artist to start a domestic violence support group at Calvary Presbyterian--an effort that her church encouraged and supports financially.

The Rev. Bonnie Orth, of Presbyterians Against Domestic Violence Network, said some clergy ask the same question posed by the secular world: "Why does she stay?" The question, she said, should be, "Why does he batter?"

Domestic violence -- from spousal abuse, dating violence, sexual assault and elder abuse -- occurs in faith groups at about the same rate as it does in the general population, experts say.

It is an uncomfortable topic for many. People of faith are no different, say clergy, domestic violence counselors and congregation members.

"People feel embarrassed or are ashamed," Silvestri said. "It's really sad since it can happen to anybody, from all classes, all education levels, all races."

Barriers and Beliefs

One of every three or four women will be physically or sexually abused by a husband, boyfriend or other relative, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. About 90 percent of domestic violence victims are women; 10 percent are men, according to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Ken Pearce, associate professor of psychology at Cal Baptist, said as many as 20 percent of men may be abused, based on his experience as a family therapist in Oklahoma.

"There's not as much violence" by women against men, he said by phone. "It's more mental or abuse with words. Men get more explosive; women are not as likely to take weapons or beat up on partners."

Misty Jardine, program coordinator for the Yucaipa Outreach office of San Bernardino Sexual Assault Services, said half of the women in her domestic violence support groups are church-goers.

"There are churches that are supportive of the victim seeking counseling," she said by phone. "There are others who don't condone leaving a spouse because of domestic violence. I have several clients now who are dealing with that."

Orth said some clergy don't understand how dangerous domestic violence can be and routinely send women home to their abusers.

"They believe the marriage covenant shouldn't be broken," she said. "We firmly believe that domestic violence breaks the marriage covenant."

Restoring that covenant should not be the first priority in an abusive relationship, said Pearce, who pastored an independent Baptist church in Oklahoma City before joining the Cal Baptist faculty.

"There has to be safety for the woman and accountability for the abuser," he said. "After that, maybe there is the possibility of restoration of the relationship."

Pastors who counsel victims to return to abusive spouses underestimate the danger, Pearce said.

"They're trying to restore (the marriage) without any accountability and that's the wrong order," he said. "I'm all for restoration, after safety and accountability. ... I've always suggested legal separation first."

Faith leaders often feel caught between the rhetoric of their particular group and the reality of families in crisis, Nason-Clark said.

"Groups that hold very high ideals for the family are sometimes reluctant to speak out when abuse occurs and other times they are at a loss as to what to do," she said.

Yasmin Attar, coordinator of the Faith Leaders and Domestic Violence Project, said workshops conducted in San Bernardino County and elsewhere in the last year addressed why domestic violence is hard for faith groups to talk about. Another workshop is planned in Riverside County this spring, she said.

Always Watchful

"The barriers they face often are breaking through the silence and the shame, self-blame, the use or misuse of scriptures to perpetuate the problem, denial, lack of information or blaming the victim," Attar said by phone.

Clergy are required by law to report abuse of children, seniors and disabled dependents, but not spouses, she said.

The Rev. Woody Hall, senior pastor of Lutheran Church of Our Savior in San Bernardino, and others said they try to be alert to the possibility of abuse in their congregations.

"I'm always watchful for things I can't account for," Hall said.

Faith can be a powerful source of strength and comfort to people in abusive relationships, or a negative influence, he said.

"The good news is that if a person is part of a community of faith, that can be a support system for them when they're hurting," he said.

Faith leaders need to learn the signs of abuse, acknowledge the danger, and offer physical, emotional and spiritual help, Jardine said.

"I have had several clients where their church helped them for months to get back on their feet," she said. "Often the victim doesn't have money. Emotional support, meeting with their pastors, groups in the church supporting them" are critical to healing and recovery, she said.

The Calvary Presbyterian effort is unusual, said Jardine of San Bernardino Sexual Assault Services.

"That's a huge, amazing step for a church to take," she said. "They're letting members know it won't be tolerated."

No Justification

The religious teachings of Judaism, Christianity or Islam do not justify spousal abuse, although some men contend that certain texts condone abusive treatment of wives, clergy and women's advocates said.

"All religious texts may be used inappropriately to overpower another human being," said Kausar Ahmad, a Temecula consultant who has done domestic violence training for South Asian and Middle Eastern Muslim communities since 1991. "Violence of any sort is unacceptable and it is not appropriate to use any religious document to justify it."

Spousal abuse "totally violates Islamic principles," said Laila Al-Marayati, a Los Angeles obstetrician and spokeswoman for the Muslim Women's League. "I do feel there has been progress, especially among the male leadership talking about it. Ten to 15 years ago people were in denial."

Muslim women face considerable pressure to keep the family together, Ahmad and Al-Marayati said. For many, immigrant status as well as language and cultural barriers can make it difficult to seek help.

Jewish women are commanded during wedding ceremonies to maintain "shalom bayit," domestic tranquility. That commandment sometimes becomes a prison, Rabbi Harold Caminker of Temple Beth El in Riverside said by phone.

The couple also declares that "God is within that relationship. Therefore if you cause harm to your beloved ... you're also wronging God," he said.

Domestic violence is "harder for Jews to talk about because for so long it was not considered a Jewish problem," Caminker said. "The Jewish home was thought to be a refuge. In the modern era people are speaking out. We never acknowledged that it did exist. We have to make amends for our silence because silence kills and we all know it."

Spousal abuse is a sin, said the Rev. Howard Lincoln, spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of San Bernardino.

"God created us and he gave personal dignity equally to men and women," he said by phone. "We never advocate a woman staying in an abuse situation. We cannot advocate divorce, but under such a situation we would advocate a separation. ... We hope the marriage can continue in the future."

Lincoln said his seminary training included instruction on spotting signs of abuse, even when victims try to hide their injuries.

"It may be necessary that the authorities be called to get the abusing spouse into appropriate treatment," he said. The diocese refers couples to Catholic Charities for help, he said.

Some Christian men who abuse their wives justify the violence by misusing the Apostle Paul's teachings about submission, said Pastor Felix Jones III of All People Unity Baptist Church in Redlands.

The Bible does not say that women are to be subservient, Hall said. "That can be destructive to personhood," he said.

"Scripture says the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church," Jones said by phone. "Christ died for the church and submitted himself to that. Loving your wife is not violent. Scripture also teaches that until we have healed and reconciled with our wives, a husband cannot have reconciliation and communion with the Father."

Submission must be understood within the context of love, respect and accountability, Pearce said.

"Submission is not being run over by a Mack truck," he said. "We all have to submit to one another. We also have to be accountable to one another. There has to be a loving and accountable relationship."

Reach Bettye Wells Miller at (951) 368-9547 or bmiller@pe.com

Assemblies Of God Beliefs on Abuse

This A/G Perspective reflects commonly held beliefs based on scripture which have been endorsed by the church's Commission on Doctrinal Purity and the Executive Presbytery.

Abuse

What position and advice does the Assemblies of God offer the Christian spouse, child, or others who find themselves in a truly abusive situation?
The Assemblies of God strongly opposes abuse and the many tragic forms of dysfunction now plaguing our world. It must grieve the heart of God, who cares greatly for the downtrodden, to see one human being abuse another. It must also grieve the heart of God too if His children observe abuse and sit idly by, allowing the evil to continue.

Defining abuse:
"Abuse is the imposition of one person’s destructive will or actions upon another person which inflicts harm to the victim on a physical, emotional, or spiritual level." Ultimately the victim’s will or future well-being is neither considered nor respected. Abuse usually occurs because of the abuser’s misuse of his/her higher standing, position of authority, or psychological/physical strength. In inflicting the abuse the authority and/or strength of the abuser overpowers the will of the victim. In nearly all cases the victim is incapable of preventing the abuse.

Differentiating abuse from other actions of anger:

We are all subject to anger and frustration. In these weak moments frail mankind responds. At times the response takes the form of an emotional outburst. Often at the root of such actions lie unrelated feelings of stress, resentment, anger, anxiety, annoyance, or general displeasure. But what determines when a relationship becomes abusive and violates trust? Certainly the distinction can be difficult to make. When parents administer discipline and correction for their children they may unwittingly engage in lesser degrees of mistreatment. Studies show angry and disparaging verbal comments can wound deeply and create lasting emotional scars. Therefore the Bible rightly admonishes Christians to refrain from such behaviors. In the case of spouses, the Bible commands, "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). In the treatment of children the Bible says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children [to overly irritate the child’s spirit so as to inflame anger and rage]; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4).

In situations where a Christian’s actions or words are becoming abusive, he or she should ask the Holy Spirit to guide in correcting the behavior. If the Holy Spirit brings conviction for statements or actions, be quick to resolve the matter by repenting, apologizing to the injured party and asking them for forgiveness. If such actions recur, one should talk with a pastor or Christian counselor. It is important to be accountable to someone who can help in the process of overcoming this area of weakness. Most important, make room for Christ to dwell in your life (Ephesians 4:29-5:2). Through daily prayer and Bible reading, and choosing to obey what God says in His Word, we draw closer to God and take on the temperament and character of Christ, bringing our emotions under control.

Confronting the extremes of abuse:

It would help if we could readily discern between appropriate discipline, emotional bouts of anger, and actual abuse that creates long-term harm. Occasional outbursts of frustration occur within most families. This is much different from beatings, molestation, and other types of sexual abuse, all of which constitute criminal acts carrying legal penalties. Each state has specific laws and interprets abuse differently.

The Christian home is not always immune from the extreme forms of violence and abuse. Such actions touch Christian families, though to a lesser degree than in general society. The Assemblies of God speaks out to its own constituency and society at large encouraging alertness to and awareness of the various forms of abuse.

Though abuse is sometimes difficult to determine, especially when it moves into psychological and emotional mistreatment, its more obvious forms include rape, incest, battery, and other types of physical violence. It is also seen in other aberrations such as sexual exploitation by counselors, the use of children in producing pornography, the imposition of sadomasochism on spouses, indecent self-exposure, etc. When any of these abuses take place in the family, they are doubly reprehensible, for the home should be a place of love, trust, and safety.

Reporting abuse:

Several questions arise when recognizing abuse. What should one do if a spouse is guilty of inflicting abuse? What if a child is involved, either as an abuser or recipient of such mistreatment? What if abuse is occurring outside one’s sphere of influence? In such cases is one still responsible to help resolve the problem?

Our action to report abuse is vital because victims often feel they are somehow responsible for being abused. Such guilt often results in silence which allows abusers to repeat the sin.

The first step for anyone who becomes aware of abuse is to report it to someone who can help stop it. This should occur regardless of who is involved; how it takes place; or where, when, or why it transpires. Far too often abuse is never reported. This silence is caused by fear -- fear of retribution by the abuser, fear of losing a relationship with an abusive loved one who could possibly face criminal penalties for his or her actions, and fear of the truth being opened to public view. Regardless of the reason, such fears create silence among victims and families, and the silence in turn allows the abuse to continue and even perhaps escalate.

In other cases, a lack of understanding the crossover point from non-criminal actions and activities into abuse also allows the cycle to continue. For example an abused Christian wife may hold a distorted view of the husband’s biblically authorized position as head of the home and thus allow the husband to tyrannize her and the family.

God is opposed to all abuse. In condemning murder, Jesus declared that thinking angry thoughts toward another is subject to divine judgment (Matthew 5:21, 22). It is the responsibility of the abuse victim, or of anyone (including the church) who becomes aware of such abuse, to report the abuse with the hope of stopping it. If it involves parties in the local church, the pastor should be notified. Depending on the state in which the actions take place, the witness may have a legal obligation to report the abuse to a civil authority. Christians who report abuse must then refrain from gossip. Too often additional damage is unintentionally inflicted on those involved in abuse simply as a result of idle talk.

Correcting abuse:

After abuse is reported to officials, confronting the offender becomes the next objective. Those who abuse family members or others often refuse to admit their problem. Often abusers harbor a history of being abused themselves. In all cases, where possible, the abuser should be referred to trained, professional Christian counselors. However, ultimately the abusive person must accept responsibility for his/her own behavior.

One who does not accept correction and continues to abuse others is in reality walking deeply in sin and refusing the opportunity provided by God to change. When life is threatened (especially in the case of children) separation (for a time) may be necessary to secure safety and hopefully allow for healing and intervention.

The innocent must be protected, and the abuse must be stopped and the abuser dealt with appropriately.

Hope and healing for those involved in abuse:

There is hope for all in situations of abuse. God is able to forgive and change the abuser, and to restore all those involved to a whole and normal life. This is possible only through the saving grace of Jesus Christ who willingly died so we could turn from such sin in our lives and be healed. In Jesus, "all who are weary and burdened will (find) rest" (Matthew 11:28). Psalm 34:17-18 says, "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

There is hope for the family that has been affected by abuse. God desires to heal broken relationships. Families who have received Christ as Savior have found a key in forgiveness. Through the wisdom and strength that God gives they are transformed from dysfunction to wholeness.

Former abusers who remorsefully struggle with the guilt of their past must remember the words of the apostle Paul who himself persecuted and executed many of the early Christians, "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." Then speaking generally of all sinners Paul goes on to say, "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God" (1 Corinthians 6:9-11). What hope and peace this truth holds for all in Christ, including those guilty of past actions of abuse. Romans 8:1 says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." The focus for Christians is not our past but our future, thanks be to Jesus Christ our Savior and Redeemer.

The above statement is based upon our common understanding of scriptural teaching.
All Scripture quotations are from the New International Version (NIV) unless otherwise specified.

What is a godly response to domestic abuse for an abused wife?

Domestic abuse is a one-sided relationship where a spouse regularly seeks to control and punish his or her partner. The most common sort of spousal abuse is that of the husband toward the wife. The abuse can take many forms: verbal, physical, psychological, sexual, and financial. These are the primary methods a man uses to dominate his spouse.
Regardless of the form of abuse, there are no easy answers for a wife whose husband regularly abuses her. Financial concerns, intimidating threats, personal doubts, and a husband’s ability to hide the abuse or make her feel responsibile (when she most certainly is not) are just some of the factors that leave hurting and scared wives feeling cornered with few, if any, options.
As trapped as a wife may feel, she is always free to choose the option of love. Sadly, however, too many have been taught that showing love means that a wife should passively tolerate her husband’s abuse. Love is misunderstood as getting along and not upsetting one’s husband. But a weak, fearful, compliant response usually enables her husband in his abusive patterns. Meek compliance on her part is not best for either of them. Nor does it serve the larger good of a godly marriage. Therefore, it’s not loving.
The Bible says that showing genuine love is to "Hate what is evil; cling to what is good" ( Romans 12:9 NIV). In other words, a loving reaction is both compassionate and strong. Although her husband may not see it this way, an abused wife can show that she cares for her husband by sending the strong and consistent message that she will give him consequences for his abusive words and behavior.
A consequence is something that a wife decides to do. It’s not something that she tries to make her husband do. Consequences vary depending on the seriousness of the situation. For instance, a verbally abusive episode (although still serious) often calls for her to simply end the conversation after informing her husband that she won’t continue to talk with him as long as he remains controlling or disrespectful. Situations involving physical abuse may require calling the police and pressing charges. In other cases where there is a longstanding and oppressive pattern of emotional/verbal abuse, legal separation and even divorce are legitimate options to consider, but only as a last resort.
An abused wife shouldn’t expect the situation to turn around quickly. Many abusive husbands apologize and act remorseful, but a wife shouldn’t be misled. An abusive husband’s quick remorse is often just another ploy to regain control. Other men don’t apologize at all and resist admitting the harm they are causing. They continue to minimize their sin and put the blame on others. It frequently requires an abusive husband to undergo an extended time of his own personal suffering before he will come to his senses and begin the long and difficult process of understanding and owning the damage he’s caused. Therefore, a wife committed to loving her husband should be prepared to stand her ground for a long period of time while her husband learns necessary lessons from the consequences he is suffering for his sinful behavior.
An abused wife shouldn’t try to give consequences without help. Confronting her husband without a plan or physical protection can be a grave mistake. It will likely cause her husband to feel threatened. He is used to being in control and giving him negative consequences takes that control away. Therefore, a wife should prepare for the possibility that her husband could resort to physical intimidation and violence to regain control. She needs a plan that would help ensure her safety For example, having several friends present at a point of confrontation, having an escape plan or an alternate place for her and her children to go stay, notifying the police, obtaining a restraining order.
A wife has no assurances that his suffering the consequences will wake up her husband, end the abuse, or resolve their marital problems. She can, however, begin to love as Christ loved as she gradually begins to rest in the fact that God desires what is best for her. It may take a fairly long time to really believe this, but God is there to empower her to show love, to comfort her with love, and enliven her with a purpose for her own life no matter what happens ( Psalm 23:4 ). Her heart can begin to gain a growing confidence and peace that says, "I’m not totally powerless. I’m free to love. And although it may not work out between my husband and me, I am confident that it will work out between God and me."
Written by: Jeff Olson

The bible on abuse & Violence

The Bible on Abuse & Violence
Many people think that the Bible has very little to say about abuse.

Quite often, if we as victims approach and confide in an elder, priest, or member of our Church, hoping for some support and encouragement, we can leave feeling even more guilty and trapped than we did formerly. We may be told that the abuse is due to our own lack of submissiveness, or our own sinfulness, that we would not suffer if our faith was greater, or that we will be rewarded in the next life for the suffering we experience in this one (!?!). I have heard of women who have been told earnestly by their vicar that it would be better for them to die at the hands of their abusive husband than to seek a separation and protection for their children!

When talking to Church members we have to realise that understanding of Domestic Abuse is still in its infant stages in many Churches, and that the majority of people (including elders, vicars and priests) still hold basic misconceptions regarding the dynamics of an abusive relationship and have formed their opinions less on what Scripture says, and more on those myths generally held in society. An added hurdle is to be found especially in the more fundamental denominations, where the mistaken belief is often that such things may happen "in the World", but not in a good Christian home!

The question, however, for every Christian person should not be what does our Church say about our situation, but what does the LORD say to us in the Bible, according to which both our Church should be based, and more importantly, according to which we, as individuals, should try to live?

The Bible condemns violence and violent men

Many passages in the Bible speak out on the issue of violence, and GOD's attitude toward those that repeatedly use violence:

Psalms 11:5 The LORD trieth the righteous: but the wicked and him that loveth violence his soul hateth.

Zephaniah 1:9 In the same day also will I punish all those that leap on the threshold, which fill their masters' houses with violence and deceit.

Psalms 37:9 For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth. Malachi 2:16-17 “I hate [...] a man’s covering his wife with
violence, as well as with his garment.” says the Lord Almighty...."You have wearied the Lord with your words.” “How have we wearied him?” you ask. By saying “all who do evil are good in the eyes of the Lord, and he is pleased with them,” or “Where is the God of justice?”. (NIV alternate translation)

In a similar way, 'wrath' or anger is condemned as being sinful, as is sexual abuse:

James 1:19,20 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

Ephesians 5:3-5 But fornication (note: that is to say, sexual immorality, including sexual abuse), and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God

What the Bible says about Verbal Abuse

Scripture also shows us that the very words we speak can be considered as a form of violence:

Proverbs 10:6 Blessings are upon the head of the just: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked.

Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked.

Matthew 5:21,22 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment:But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire

As followers of Christ we are encouraged to consider everything we say to one another, whether it stands the test of being for the benefit of the hearer - verbal abuse surely does not qualify:Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

James 1:26 If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.

James 3:10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

The LORD sympathises and offers comfort to those who are afflicted The LORD does hear our prayers, He does care when we cry. He is there to comfort, guide us and heal us.

Psalms 18:48 He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man.

2 Samuel 22:28 And the afflicted people thou wilt save: but thine eyes are upon the haughty, that thou mayest bring them down.

Psalms 22:24 For he hath not despised nor abhorred the affliction of the afflicted; neither hath he hid his face from him; but when he cried unto him, he heard.

Psalms 140:12 I know that the LORD will maintain the cause of the afflicted, and the right of the poor.

Psalms 72:14 He shall redeem their soul from deceit and violence: and precious shall their blood be in his sight.

Psalms 9:9 The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.

Psalms 103:6 The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.

Psalms 146:7 Which executeth judgment for the oppressed: which giveth food to the hungry. The LORD looseth the prisoners:

The Church has a responsibility to hold abusers accountable and to help victims Firstly, the Church - and each individual follower of Christ - has a responsibility to offer comfort and help to those who are oppressed (by their partner), needy (of reassurance and protection), weak (due to the constant onslaught of abuse) and in distress.

Galatians 6:2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Hebrews 12:12 Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;

Hebrews 13:3 Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body.

Isaiah 1:17 Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.

Proverbs 31:9 Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.

Jeremiah 22:3 Thus saith the LORD; Execute ye judgment and righteousness, and deliver the spoiled out of the hand of the oppressor: and do no wrong, do no violence to the stranger, the fatherless, nor the widow, neither shed innocent blood in this place.

Genesis 42:21 And they said one to another, We are verily guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the anguish of his soul, when he besought us, and we would not hear; therefore is this distress come upon us. Isaiah 35:3,4 Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees.Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompence; he will come and save you.

Secondly, the Church also has a responsibility to hold the abuser accountable, to admonish him, to judge (that is, to investigate and discern right from wrong) and to encourage the abuser to change his/her ways:

Romans 15:14 And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another. James 5:19,20 Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him;Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do

1 Thessalonians 5:14 Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.

1 Corinthians 6:1-3 Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

As the above verses indicate, we, today, are encouraged to show a sinning Brother or Sister the error of their ways. In the Old Testament, those who had the position of being the spiritual guides of the God's people likewise had an obligation to warn those who were doing wrong of the consequences that would ensue if they did not change their ways. The words are non-compromising:

Ezekiel 3:17-19 Son of man, I have made thee a watchman unto the house of Israel: therefore hear the word at my mouth, and give them warning from me.When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand.Yet if thou warn the wicked, and he turn not from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast delivered thy soul.

Thirdly, the manner in which the abuser is to be admonished (i.e. the spirit in which to approach him/her) is also spelled out for us Not one of us is perfect - our aim is not to condemn the person - whom Christ has called - but to condemn the actions, and try to encourage recognition of the sin, repentance and a change in ways:

2 Thessalonians 3:15 Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.Luke 15:7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

We are to shun those that consistently oppress or wantonly harm others

Jesus laid out a clear and simple procedure to follow in the event of dealing with an erring brother (or sister!):

Mat. 18:15-17 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

Those, who after several admonishings still stubbornly refuse to change their ways, are to be 'marked' or 'put away' - they are to be 'shamed' to the end that they realise the seriousness of their sin and repent:

1 Corinthians 5:9-13 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

2 Thessalonians 3:6 Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.

2 Thessalonians 3:14,15 And if any man obey not our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed.Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

Note: in all our dealings and communication with someone who has sinned, with an abuser in this instance, we have to remember that the aim is ALWAYS to try to seek a change of heart and ways in them. Hence it is also our duty to continuously encourage the abuser to face up to his personal responsibility, to repent and to seek forgiveness, and thereby be healed. Unrepentant, they are as the lost sheep in Christ's parable:

Matthew 18:12-14 How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray?And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.

Scripture on how to treat each other

Christ has called us unto Peace, not fear, he has called us to follow his example of serving one another, not dominating each other, he has called us to Truth, not to deceit and hypocrisy. Christ has called us to Love, not to abuse.

Eph. 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Romans 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;

Colossians 3:12,13 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

2 Peter 1:7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.

1 John 3:18 My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.

Matthew 18:33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Romans 14:19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.

James 3:17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

1 Peter 3:8 Be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

2 Corinthians 13:11 Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you.

Bibliography
Where not otherwise stated, all quotations have been taken from the King James Version of the Bible.No Place for Abuse - Biblical and Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence , by Catherine Clark Kroeger & Nancy Nason-Clark, InterVarsity Press, Illinois
Back to Abuse and Religion
This information is provided for guidance only and you are strongly recommended to seek suitable expert advice and help.