Christianity and domestic violence

In Recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month:  Articles of Domestic Violence in the Church and the World

 

As we all know abuse is not a gender issue, but a human one.

 

Family + False Religion = Violence

The very agent that was designed to bring healing and comfort--the church--must then reexamine its teachings, traditions, and practices that support the baser passions and drives for greed of power and control. The church can be and should be the most reliable agent for healing and restoration. The church must be a loud voice against family violence. – Sounds of Encouragement

 

 

Domestic Violence Documentary

Sin By Silence

is a documentary of women in prison in California.   

Sin by Silence is a domestic violence documentary film by Olivia Klaus that offers a unique gateway into the lives of women who are the tragedies living worst-case scenarios and survivors - women who have killed their abusive husbands. Based on the first inmate-initiated and led support group in the entire United States prison system, the film reveals the history and stories of the members of the group Convicted Women Against Abuse created by inmate Brenda Clubine in 1989. By following five women's abusive experiences that led to their incarceration, the film take viewers on their journeys from victim to survivors, reveals the history of the Battered Women Syndrome in the state of California, and shatters misconceptions. This documentary is a production of Quiet Little Place Productions.

In 2011, the film had its television premiere on Investigation Discovery to over 2.2 million viewers.

Within the last couple of months Governer Brown signed the “Sin By Silence’ bills into law.

Investigation Discovery Channel is now reairing this program on October 24, 2012.  You can check out their website to see clips, and check which channel and time it will be available in your area.

 

No Way Out But One 

In 1994 Holly Collins became an international fugitive when she grabbed her three children and went on the run. It all happened because a family court had ignored Holly’s charges, the children’s pleas, Holly’s broken nose, Zackary’s fractured skull, and other medical evidence of domestic violence. The family court in Minnesota gave full custody of Zackary and Jennifer to Holly’s ex-husband. It was at that point that Holly came to believe she and the children had No Way Out But One.

In September of 2011, Holly and her children returned to North America.  All Charges were dropped, except for the ‘contempt of court’.

Documentary Channel is airing this program on 10/29/12, and you can check to see if your TV provider is available on the site.

Here and Now have an interview with this family, and what they are doing presently.

 

Domestic Violence and the Church

Video I found that interviews a woman, and a reformed man. The husband in this case stated that the Christian counseling wasn’t what they needed, because they were more concentrated on authority of the husband. He speaks of how he wasn’t served well by the church counseling, although I’m sure it was well intended.

 

Domestic Violence Facebook Pages

 

Break The Silence Facebook Page presents stories of people that are effected by domestic violence.  It also has resources for victims and their families.

 

Church Survivors Facebook Page

 

New Book on Domestic Violence

Should I Stay or Should I Go? New Book by Lundy Bancroft.

Here are two sample chapters for Lundy’s new Book.

Resources for the man that is serious about his change

and Chapter Two as well. What’s it All About

 

Domestic Violence and the Church articles

A open letter to John Piper about his view on divorce is written from a man’s prospective regarding the domestic violence he lived with, and how John Piper’s teachings on abuse, marriage, and divorced effected his life.

 

Your teaching has dangerous consequences: people like me read your words and take what you say very seriously. When you leave no room in your church for abused and broken divorcees, that has real world effects. I am such a broken person, and I do not know where I’ll end up. I am fighting the guilt and shame of divorcing my wife and I have to remind myself every day that my guilt and shame are not real – that there is no condemnation because I am in Christ. What I feel is based on how men like you view me, not how God views me. I hope that I can find believers with whom I can some day open up and have a trusting  relationship again. Right now I am scared to talk to any believers at all, for judgement is just a few words away. I know for certain I will never end up in your church and I will cringe every time you are quoted. It is difficult to respect a man who would call me to endure torture in a situation he does not understand.

 

Abuse and God’s Mercy: Martin’s Story is written by another man – also a victim of domestic violence in the church.  He was divorced, and remarried to a wonderful wife.  He speaks of his journey that God has place him on, and the rejection of him in ministry due to his remarriage.  Its an inspiring story of how faith helped him overcome, and learn to do God’s will for his life.

 

To the best of my knowledge, no church exists that would ordain a pastor with my background.  I rejoice in my service at the Mission and will wait on the Lord for the next opportunity.  At least now there’s no quit left in me.  God has given me enough trial to know – there’s no option besides perseverance for me.

There is a God in heaven that is more powerful than the nastiest group of Deacons, Elders, or Pastors.  He will show each of us His path for us to go, and He loves each of us no more than the other, that is without limit.

Less important than a pair of socks

Biblical Personhood writes a short story of over the top submission, and leaves everyone in the dust besides the father.

I was a teenager at the time. I was crying as I told my mother of my problem.

Then he bursts in. He does not await his turn to speak. He bellows: “There should be eight pairs of socks in my drawer and there are only seven!” My very submissive mother leaves me in the middle of my sob story, to go and find my father’s 8^th pair of socks.

It is not like he needs those socks right now, mind you. He is not on his way somewhere and desperately need the black socks to match his clothes. He simply dislikes the thought that not all his things are in the right places.

Silence and violence in the church is an article by Theological Curves

For five years I asked the seminary where I was teaching if we could have a chapel service that addressed family violence and abuse. I was dreaming of a service that offered hope for survivors and solidarity from those who had been impacted by violence directly or indirectly. For five years I was told in a variety of ways that abuse was not our concern nor an appropriate issue within a seminary. Some years it was a direct verbal message, other years I would be politely listened to and then would never hear a follow up or was told after the fact that all chapel times were already scheduled.

All of this despite the fact that recently one of the graduates from this seminary was convicted of murdering his wife and that every semester I had students in my office discussing their own past and current abuse.

The Issue at the Heart of Domestic Violence By Danni Moss – a friend of mine that has passed away.  I’m blessed that her family decided to keep her blog up, and her ministry alive by her words even after she passed.  We still miss you Danni!

 

Domestic Violence and Fundamentalist Christianity

The religion they practiced tended to focus on the darker aspects of Christianity. They focused on the sufferings of Christ on the cross, His torments. They focused on the torments of hell for unrepentant sinners. They focused on how BAD people were, how we were all born in sin and would die in sin, did we not repent, and suffer the torments of hell in the lake of fire forever!

There was no carrot in front of the donkey's nose: it was the devil with a pitchfork prodding the donkey from behind, all the way.

They also blamed EVE, for letting sin into the world. We were all children of Eve. They also had a peculiar relish in eschewing the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah, and the Whore of Babylon, and the adulterous woman that Jesus saved from stoning. It was impressed on us as girl children that any immodesty on our part, the least bit of natural human curiosity about the opposite sex, was shamefully our fault and could lead to dire consequences here on earth in addition to damning us to hell forevermore. My mother was excessively modest, appearing to be frightened of and uncomfortable inside her own body. I think she wished not to have a body at all, and wished no one else did, either.

 

The Girl Effect, part 4  On this blog (Yeshua, Hineni!)there is a series of articles, and they are all worth reading!  I wanted to link to this one, and to point out the resources at the end.

I Want you to know, if you know someone, or if you are currently experiencing domestic violence - This is not what G-d calls you to. Find HOPE.  G-d wants you to have health and healing. He wants you to thrive. YOU ARE NOT CALLED TO BE "submissive" to abuse. This is not at all what G-d designed when the mandate after the Fall was given.  This is not what was given to us at Sinai. This is not the freedom that Y'shua brings, and that Paul heralds. It simply is not.

John MacArthur discounts the seriousness of abuse 

Barbara writes about YET another pastor that claims he ‘gets it’, but YET AGAIN clearly has no clue what he is talking about.

 

She starts her article off by quoting John MacArthur:

“If a violence-prone husband becomes agitated and abusive, the wife should remove herself from danger, by leaving the home if necessary. God has promised that He will not test us beyond our ability to endure, but will always make a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13). Sometimes escape is the only way. If you have children and they are in danger, take them someplace where you will be secure until you feel you may safely come back.
If you are not truly in any physical danger, but are merely a weary wife who is fed up with a cantankerous or disagreeable husband–even if he is an unbeliever who is hostile to the things of God–God’s desire is that you stay and pray and sanctify that husband by your presence as a beloved child of God (1 Corinthians 7:10-16). The Lord will protect you and teach you in the midst of the difficult time.

Just as John Piper, and many other pastors they never tell you to call the police.  They tell you to stay away until you feel it is safe to return.    The ‘deal with it’ attitude is what is killing the trust between Christ Followers, and the so called ‘leaders’ of the church.  Its irresponsible for pastor’s to speak of domestic violence in the church when it is clear they have NOT educated themselves on the issues, dangers, and damage.

 

Poems and Prose about domestic violence

 

The Last Straw lists poems about domestic violence. 

Poetry about children and domestic violence

 

What It Means To Be A Victim

A CHOSEN VESSEL

Will you love me to death?

SHATTERED PIECES

RECYCLED ROSE

Walls

You Can't

 

 

 

These are just some of the awesome sources that I have found within the last week, and I honestly can’t remember them all.  There has been so many good articles that cover this topic, and I know I’m missing SOME!

 

I also have many other resources on my Emotional Abuse and Your Faith resource links page that I try to add to regularly.

 

If you have any articles, facebook pages, videos, poems or prose about domestic violence and the church…or the world?  I would love for you  to share them here in the comment section!

Eve's desire to RULE over her husband

Barbara Roberts and her husband James Synot wrote a Critique on CBMW's Statement on Abuse, and you can find it on their website www.notunderbondage.com  Read the whole critique on their site - its very good, but I wanted to talk about one of their first points today.

One of the first items they mentioned truly caught my attention!  I learned from their paper HOW people come up with this thought of women wanting to 'rule over' their husbands, instead of what the bible actually states.

One of CBMW's points was:

We believe that the biblical teaching on relationships between men and women does not
support, but condemns abuse (Prov. 12:18; Eph. 5:25-29; Col. 3:18; 1 Tim. 3:3; Titus 1:7-8; 1
Pet. 3:7; 5:3).

Barbara Roberts and James Synot partial response was:

Ephesians 5:25-29 tells husbands to love their wives, a command which clearly implies that it's wrong to abuse their wives. Abuse and love are polar opposites; no-one would argue with that. But citing Colossians 3:18 (Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord) is below the belt. It implies that in the case of wives, being abusive and being submissive are polar opposites. Only CBMW, with their distorted understanding of the woman's desire in Genesis 3:16, think that way. They claim that the woman's desire for her husband is a desire to usurp authority over him, and they base this claim solely on one author, ironically a female author, Susan Foh, who in 1975 advanced a totally novel interpretation of Genesis 3:16.

 Can you imagine?  A FEMALE opinion!

Foh noted syntactic and semantic parallels between Gen. 4:7 and Gen. 3:16 and concluded that
the meaning of the two passages must be the same. Just as sin crouched on the threshold,
desiring to destroy Cain, and Cain was told he must overrule this temptation, so the wife desires to control her husband (by usurping his divinely appointed authority) and the husband must master her if he can. This interpretation dovetails perfectly into the lying claim of the abusive husband (and his pastor-ally) that the husband was harsh towards his wife because the wife wasn't submissive.  The perfect theological excuse for abuse!

Only if you accept this aberrant interpretation, one that no commentator had conceived of for the
first 1900 years of the Christian era, do you swallow the notion that wifely in-submission is, by
definition, abusive to husbands. There has been surprisingly little debate about Foh's interpretation within complementarian circles; they have gladly accepted and promoted it, and we count this as reprehensible on their part.

I posted her Foh's paper above, and all I have to say WOW!   Seriously?  If we look at the story of Cain and Abel we see two brothers with opposite mindsets if you will. 

Cain’s sacrifice was the result of his own works, while Abel’s was the result of his love for his flock. “And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground an offering unto the LORD. And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.” (Genesis 4:3-5) Cain sought reconciliation by his works, demonstrating pride, while Abel sought reconciliation by presenting a lamb (a metaphor of Christ perhaps?) that he loved.

Remember when they gave these offerings to the Lord it was a means to wash away sin, and be restored with God if you will.  Cain and Abel gave to the Lord out of opposite prospectives.  One was of sincerity and love towards God, and one was given out of pride.  Cain got his pride hurt when the Lord rejected his offering, and he became ANGRY!

God tries to warn Cain about the power of pride, of all sin, really. “If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.” (Genesis 4:7)

Now if you look at the last sentence YES it is similar, but what this is speaking about his SIN of pride.  God asks him to not let the sin of pride rule over him.  Compare this to what was said about Eve:

Gen 3:16  Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

When we surrender to temptation, in Cain’s case the temptation of inflated self-worth, we give that sin a foothold. Once established, sin can grow deep roots and eventually conquer us if we let it.   God said that Eve shall have this desire for her husband, and her husband will rule over her.  In the case of Cain?  Cain was asked to place his pride away, so that his pride didn't not conquer him.  If he would have placed it away, and gave proper offering to God as Abel did?  Would not God be pleased with him also?  God told him YES!

Cain ignored God’s warning about sin and seethed with anger and resentment, and allowed this to rule over him. These feelings put down deep roots in him and he finally was pushed to action against his brother. “And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.” (Genesis 4:8)

What about the case of Eve?  Sin had already happened, and God spoke of consequences.   Cain ignored God's counsel, and allowed his pride and anger to rule over him instead.  Cain was given a choice.  He choose sin.  Cain allowed sin to rule over him, and Eve was told man was going to rule over her.  COMPLETELY OPPOSITE! Abel had the proper mindset towards God, and Adam had sinned in God's eyes!  COMPLETELY OPPOSITE!  How can God's words on how the man will rule over her, and Cain's choice of which way he will go can equal 'same type of desire'?

We are talking apples and oranges here!  Foh is trying to say the type of 'desire' was the same.  I notice that CBMW doesn't point that part out to often, but now I know where they got the idea from.  Thank you Barbara and James!

Cain's pride reminds me of the story in the NT in Luke 21:1-4 ASV  And he looked up, and saw the rich men that were casting their gifts into the treasury.  (2)  And he saw a certain poor widow casting in thither two mites.  (3)  And he said, Of a truth I say unto you, This poor widow cast in more than they all:  (4)  for all these did of their superfluity cast in unto the gifts; but she of her want did cast in all the living that she had.

Cain did the same as the rich men in the story.  If we look closely the bible does have repeating themes.  The woman in the story gave out of the correct attitude, and the rich men did not.  Cain did the same.  God called him on it, and told him basically if you also give with the right attitude I will also bless your offering.  Cain instead allowed his angry and pride to rule him, and ended up killing his brother.

Who really suffered in the story of Cain and Abel? I believe in the end the sufferer was Cain. Abel went on to the live with God, while Cain had to live with the scars that he created by his sin. God’s hope for us is that we will come to understand the suffering that sin brings into our lives and this is why He asks us to repent. Like any good father, He wants to spare His beloved children pain.   The same goes for the consequence of the fall.  When it comes to ruling over people?  If you look at human nature and history?  We see that present even to this day.

I have to wonder at times if certain men take that as a slam against their gender, instead of just HISTORY!  If you look at church history Eve has been blamed in the past more often than Adam.  I think part of that is just culture as well.  I have also heard if Eve would have 'consulted' Adam prior?  If she didn't usurp his leadership PRIOR to eating the apple?  WHO knows where we would be I guess.  That's another silly item though.  To repeat such dribble is blaming Eve again, but coming in the back door while doing it.  It's silly.

ANYWAY...........

The logic isn't there to compare the two stories over 'ruling over', or 'desire'.

Cain:  Your desire will be the sin of pride, but it will rule over you. (man's choice)
Eve:  Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. (God's words)

Cain 'allowed' the desire to rule over him, but God told Eve about her desire for her husband, and how he will rule over her.

Scripture doesn't say that Eve's desire is for her husband, she wants to RULE over him!  It just another excuse man makes to 'take control'.  Thank the Lord there are good men that don't do this!  I pray for the ones that seem to think that is right in God's eyes!

Recommended Reading For Emotional Abuse

Book Recommendations - If you have suggestions please share!





Behind The Hedge

Written by Waneta Dawn
Google Preview of Behind the Hedge
Waneta's Blog Submission Tyranny, in Church and Society

Book Description:
Yearning for a warm and loving marriage, Yvette works hard as a housewife and on their Iowa dairy farm to satisfy her husband, Luke, and tries to motivate him to be a loving and caring husband and father. But hidden behind his charming public facade, Luke is critical and demands more submission. With the help of her friend, Delores, Yvette grapples with the meaning and application of Biblical submission to her husband, changes how she relates to her husband, and endeavors to correct the misbeliefs of their teenaged sons, Greg and Kyle. Luke indoctrinates his wife and children on the meaning of submission and obedience. But one day he goes too far. Will their marriage survive the storm? Will Luke become the warm and loving husband Yvette craves? Will their daughter, Tanya, learn to trust her father?



Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand UP!

Written by Susan Greenfield
Google Preview of Would the Real Church PLEASE stand UP!
Susan Greenfield's Would the Real Church PLEASE stand UP! Blog

Book Description:
You will be challenged to Be the Real Church and Stand Up as you read this up close and personal account of living in an abusive environment. We can never know exactly what goes on behind the closed doors of other people's homes, but after reading Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand Up!, you will be more equipped to minister to victims of domestic violence. Maybe the victim is a neighbor, a co-worker, or a bank teller. Maybe the victim is your minister's wife. If you are in an abusive relationship, you will be encouraged and enlightened. Susan Greenfield is currently a divorced mother of two children. She works a secular job but is most passionate about ministering to battered women and educating people within the church about domestic violence.




Woman Submit!

Written by Jocelyn Andersen

Woman Submit Blog

Book Description:
The evangelical Christian woman whose spirit is being crushed and life possibly endangered by domestic violence is faced with a unique burden. She needs straight answers-not unrealistic expectations or clichéd, stereotypical platitudes. In the book Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence, by Jocelyn Andersen, she will get straight answers, clear scriptural direction, and some tough challenges from one who has been there but is there no longer.

Jocelyn's Newest book



Woman this is WAR! Gender, Slavery & the Evangelical Caste System


"Woman this is WAR...," Examines arguments traditionally used to keep men and women enslaved in illegitimate bondage based on sex, and just as the Bible did not condone the sin of slavery based on skin color, it also does not condone a slavery-like caste system based on gender. Jesus said we would know the truth and the truth would set us free. Andersen challenges Christian men and women to embrace and appreciate God-given gender distinctions without giving place to haughty spirits of superiority, degrading feelings of inferiority, hatred, prejudice, fear of one another's differences, or the sinful need to either be in charge or to submit in an idolatrous manner.





Not Under Bondage

Written by Barbara Roberts
Google Preview of Browse Not Under Bondage

Book Description:
The bible's teaching on divorce and remarriage has been interpreted in many ways. This poses a problem for the Christian community. When is divorce biblically permissible and when is it forbidden? And is remarriage ever permissible for a divorced Christian? The problem is particularly intense for Christian victims of marital abuse, who often believe they must choose between two unpleasant alternatives: endure abuse, or face condemnation by God and his church for disobeying the bible. Not Under Bondage, written by a survivor of domestic abuse, - explains the scriptural dilemmas of abuse victims - carefully examines the scriptures and scholarly research - shows how the bible sets victims of abuse free from bondage and guilt.




Breaking The Silence


Written By Anne O. Weatherholt Google Preview of Breaking the Silence: The Church Responds to Domestic Violence

Book Description:   



A handbook about domestic violence from a spiritual perspective, and the only one of its kind, Breaking the Silence contains important, action-oriented information about domestic violence and its pervasiveness in society. Sections include “myths” about domestic violence; a checklist to determine if a relationship is potentially violent; clergy resources for counseling, worship, and congregational outreach; rape; information for youth; and pages that can be customized with local and national contact numbers, e-mail addresses, and websites. Also includes questions for discussion and suggestions for using the book for training or as a youth and adult education tool.

This resource is limited to adult abuse, as the subject of child abuse is highly specialized and often includes many more laws and involvement from local agencies that will vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.

We Suffered In Silence


Virginia and Robert Coombs have released “We Suffered in Silence,” which includes the courageous true story penned by deceased author Velva B. Holt, Virginia’s mother, about the devastating abuse she suffered while she was a pastor’s wife and the refusal of Church leaders to acknowledge the problem.

Book Description:
Dick had Good looks and Charisma. How could his parishioners know, or believe, that behind the Parsonage door, their beloved Pastor hid the Ugly Secret - of "deception." His 'emotional battering' stripped his wife, Carol, of her Self-Worth, Identity and Respect. His family "Suffered in Silence" while hiding, ever Darkening Spots, on his "Clerical Collar." Even Dick's Employer refused to believe the pleadings of his wife. * Are You a Pastor's Wife-hiding your shame of abuse behind makeup and an artificial smile? * Does Your 'Christian' Husband-use the Bible to Batter you into believing that you are a failure as a Christian and a wife? Religious Leaders MUST address the Explosion of domestic violence that hides behind the 'protected' doors of the Parsonage and the Christian home. The Church has been Silent and in Denial too long. Robert Coombs MA, In his Chapter, "The Blameless Man?" suggests ways in which Pastors and Christian Men can avoid stress, addictive behaviors and keep from falling into the 'Woman Trap.' He also recommends that the Church and Religious Organizations require accountability for their members and employees who are physically and emotionally abusive. Mable Dunbar, Ph.D., in her Chapter, "The Power of Emotional Healing" shows that "A Broken Woman or Man CAN be Repaired!" You don't need to "Suffer In Silence" anymore. By reading this book you can take the first step to Breaking the Silence. No more hiding; No more shame. You are "PRICELESS-NOT WORTHLESS" "For God has not given you the spirit of fear, but of Power, of Love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 Velva B. Holt - As a pastor's wife, she was involved in Women's Ministry, and was an accomplished pianist and music teacher. As an author, she had over 200 Christian Articles and poems published.

Violence Among Us


Written by Paula Silva and Brenda Branson


Book Description:
This book offers practical help in identifying abusive situations. It has strategic counseling tips, case studies and models of effective ministry to both the victim and the perpetrator. There are resource lists which include domestic violence hotlines and shelters, faith-based organizations, abuser treatment programs, and information on legal and safety issues.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Written by Patricia Evans
Google Preview of The Verbally Abusive Relationship

Book Description:

Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse? If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. Highly Recommended.

Why Does He Do That?  Inside the minds of Angry and Controlling People
Written By Lundy Bancroft
Google Preview of Why Does He Do That?

Book Description:

Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:

• The early warning signs
• Nine abusive personality types
• How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
• The role of drugs and alcohol
• What can be fixed, and what can't
• How to leave a relationship safely

The Battered Wife:  How Christians Confront Family Violence


Written by Nancy Nason Clark
Google Preview of The Battered Wife:  How Christians Confront Family Violence

Book Description:

The authors sociological research reveals how churches and secular organization have responded--sometimes with assistance, sometimes not--to victims of violence in their midst and how their response could be more effective. By exploring the relationship between violence and Christians' response to it from various perspectives--those of victim, clergy, congregation--this book ultimately encourages a pastoral assistance that reduces violence in the world and helps victims find the inner strength to leave their gardens.

Refuge from Abuse: Healing and Hope for Abused Christian Women


Written by Nancy Nason Clark and Catherine Clark Kroeger
 Google Preview of Refuge From Abuse:  Healing and Hope for the Abused Christian Woman

Book Description:

Nancy-Nason Clark and Catherine Clark Kroeger know the pain of women who have been abused, especially the unique pain of Christian women who thought it couldn't happen to them. In this straightforward, practical book they supply the answers to the questions you face:
How do I know I need help? How much of my story should I tell? What help can I find in the community? What key steps will I need to take to get on with my life? How can I understand what help my abuser needs? How do I learn to trust God again?

"We believe the Bible’s message is clear: God speaks out against violence. Peace and safety are the biblical building blocks for family living. When there is no peace or safety, a relationship is not healthy. The journey toward hope, healing and wholeness will be long and hard. . . . [But] on this path, victims are transformed into survivors. We invite you to begin the journey."

When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
Written by Lundy Bancroft
Book Description:
Can my partner abuse me and still be a good parent? Should I stay with my partner for my children's sake? How should I talk to my children about the abuse and help them heal? Am I a bad mother?

Mothers in physically or emotionally abusive relationships ask themselves these questions every day. Here, a counselor reveals how abusers interact with and manipulate children-and how mothers can help their children recover from the trauma of witnessing abuse.

This book, the first ever of its kind, shows mothers how to:

- Protect children and help them heal emotionally
- Provide love, support, and positive role models, even in the midst of abuse
- Increase their chances of winning custody
- Help their kids feel good about themselves

Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them: Breaking the Cycle of Physical and Emotional Abuse

Written By:  Paul Hegstrom

Book Description:
Domestic abuse knows no boundaries. Despite a dramatic increase in public awareness, it defiantly rears its ugly head, both physically and emotionally, in the homes of the rich as well as the poor, newlyweds as well as long-married couples, Christians as well as non-Christians.

Paul Hegstrom should know. From the earliest years of his marriage, he handled his problems and frustrations the only way he knew how: with fists and fury. Talking about the problem only intensified his rage. Going into the Christian ministry didn't help either, the guilt merely magnified his despair. Facing a charge of attempted murder and a prison term, Hegstrom got the wake-up call he needed. With professional help and an intense struggle with spiritual issues, he began the lengthy process of healing and recovery.

Through a fascinating, yet thorough examination of the psychological components of various types of abuse, along with true examples from his own life and others, Hegstrom points the way back to wholeness and freedom. An invaluable aid for the man who batters, the woman who feels trapped, and the pastor, counselor, or friend who desperately want to help them both, Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them offers straight answers for those willing to overcome the cycle of violence.



Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder


Written By: Billy Eddy and Randi Kreger

Book Description: Protect Yourself from Manipulation, False Accusations, and Abuse
Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When your spouse has borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or is manipulative, divorcing can be especially complicated. While people with these tendencies may initially appear convincing and even charming to lawyers and judges, you know better-many of these "persuasive blamers" leverage false accusations, attempt to manipulate others, launch verbal and physical attacks, and do everything they can to get their way.

Splitting is your legal and psychological guide to safely navigating a high-conflict divorce from an unpredictable spouse.

The Bible Does Allow Divorce in Domestic Abuse Cases

Barbara Roberts author of Not Under Bondage was cited on the Christian New Wire, and stating "The Bible Does Allow Divorce in Domestic Abuse Cases"

The Barbara Roberts in the article goes on to state:

Using the scriptures and scholarly research, the book refutes the official policy concerning divorce held by many evangelical churches and denominations. Not Under Bondage explains the scriptural dilemmas of abuse victims and shows how the Bible sets victims of abuse free from bondage and guilt.

The author is a Christian survivor of domestic abuse who is concerned about how false teaching on domestic abuse in churches may be damaging victims of domestic abuse and their children, as well as neglecting the biblical directive to make perpetrators properly accountable. Not Under Bondage is the result of three years work researching Christian beliefs and the biblical texts about divorce.

Sparked by a message forbidding divorce to abuse victims posted on Rick Warren's Saddleback Church site, Christian circles are buzzing with debate about whether the Bible allows divorce for domestic abuse. It does.

Saddleback's policy, that the Bible does not allow divorce for domestic abuse, is fairly typical of many evangelical churches, and in that sense Saddleback is not being singled as being of special notice or concern. But what is of concern is that Christians are being taught falsely that the Bible forbids divorce to victims of domestic abuse.

Barbara Roberts Book, "Not Under Bondage" is available on Amazon. She also sells her book right on her website "Not Under Bondage" where she lists some favorable reviews she has received for her book.

Barbara Roberts is available for comment

To email Barbara Roberts: barbara@notunderbondage.com
Phone: landline +61 3 5336 2174 mobile +61 438 275 339

Please allow for time difference if calling: author lives in Victoria, Australia (19 hrs ahead of US PST; 16 hrs ahead of US EST; 11 hrs ahead of United Kingdom).
US Pacific time zone please call between 1200 hrs and midnight PST
US Eastern time zone please call between 1500 hrs and 0300 EST
UK please call after 2000 hrs and before 1100 hrs UTC

I'm personally reading the book presently, and I'm very much enjoying it. I encourage you to add this to your library for education and reference purposes.

It refreshing to know that others can come up with scripture that shows if divorce is the path you feel you need to take in your life due to domestic violence. The Bible Does Allow Divorce in Domestic Abuse Cases, so check out Barbara's Book to read her refreshing study on this.

Congratulations Barbara Roberts for your citing in the Christain Newswire! We look forward to seeing further pieces, and wish you much success!