I found an interesting set of articles on The Hope Blog. From the comments after a number of entries she made it sounds like she is placing together a book from the prospective of a women dealing with domestic violence. The ring of horror of their pastor's attitude is what people need to understand about this aspect. YES this is a woman's prospective about domestic violence within the church, and her life dealing with a controlling husband. I believe it happens to both genders, but the more information and stories that get out there the better I believe.
Inherit the Wind: When Men Hurt Their Own Part One
Inherit the Wind: When Men Hurt Their Own Part Two
Inherit the Wind: WHen Men Hurt Their Own Part Three
The Final Installment the author states is coming SOON!
Revised! Final Installment Inherit The Wind: WHen Men Hurt Their Own
The responses are very good to this series, and of course you have to have some bad ones as well.
By the way, according to the account in Genesis, Abraham sent his wife to be in the harem of the Egyptian Pharaoh.
Yet, Sarah submitted to Abraham.
She was worried I am sure. Yet she trusted in God to protect her when she remained in her proper role - as a follower, not a leader in the marriage.
The lesson is, God protects women when they submit to their husbands, no matter what. In this case, God sent a warning of death to the Pharaoh if he should touch Sarah. Sarah was protected when she remained in perfect submission to Abraham.
It is a question of faith versus cynicism, really. It is a question of whether God meant what he said when he established his order.
If a wife can choose not to submit when her husband does not love her completely and properly, well, which husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church? The answer is not one in this life (with the exception of Catholic or Orthodox saints if one believes in that sort of thing).
This does not change the principle that when a man has a mental disorder, and repeatedly violently physically abusing his wife is such a disorder, a wife should flee to her family. (It is only in America that new couples have such freedom from their families one should note - and this causes many of the problems as brothers are not there to protect sisters).
However, in this case when a woman flees to her family but does not divorce her husband, she remains in submission to him, as she pursues the separation for his best interest.
Thus, we can see that when a woman uses the excuse of insufficient love of, or abuse from, a husband as a reason not to submit to him, the woman is perpetuating a viscous cycle started by the husband.
Similarly, when a husband decides not to love his wife because she does not submit perfectly, he is partaking in the same viscous cycle that ends in divorce.
God hates divorce.
After he goes some responses to his comment came this one:
All you who have bashed Thomas need to go back and reread his post. He didn’t say one thing that was “a sickening lie” or unbiblical. He basically said you should leave if you are abused but don’t use it as an opportunity to live outside the role that God has called you to. I understand that many men allow their headship to go to their head but women also do not give their husbands the respect that God requires. Not being respected is not an excuse to abuse, their is no excuse. However, many women do create problems by their lack of submission just like many men abuse their roles. This is a two way street folks. Just like abuse in the church needs to be exposed, rampant feminism that has ruined many homes needs to be exposed as well.
I think many of you have allowed your emotions based on personal experiences to cloud your judgment and immediately get defensive. I also fear that this has turned into a back patting session to congratulate those who have left their husbands. When we allow our emotions to guide us rather then truth we can be easily led astray so please be careful of what you say. Impressionable young women are reading this blog and may take what some have said as an excuse to not submit to their husbands or leave their husbands even if their is no justification.
Abuse is a sad and terrible truth that needs to be exposed but not at the expense of true biblical submission. We don’t need to throw the baby out with the bath water. Just because men abuse their wives does not make biblical submission wrong nor does it make it ok to be a “liberated” women.
I’m sorry that many of you have had terrible experiences that have caused you great pain. I just pray that you would allow God to fully heal you, your views on marriage, and submission. Submission does not have to be a dirty little word. It can actually be freeing. When we submit to Christ He frees us from the bondage of sin. Submission in the marriage relationship is an example of our submission to Christ.
I just got my ball of fire under me again!
Tanya:
I feel sorry for you. We aren’t talking about women that don’t respect their husbands. We are talking about men that abuse their position, and crush their wife and children. We aren’t talking about ‘rampant feminism’ either! We are talking about monsters that are enabled by the church to continue. It seems you are trying to mesh two completely different topics together to make your theory sound better.
This maybe an emotional topic, but attempting to sprinkle your spiritual pixie dust on it is why people get killed. I feel LIED to from the church! When I was growing up my parents always told me that the church was a safe place. Conversations like the one the author wrote are NOT that uncommon, and what is what this subject is about. Its about the awful and dangerous approach the church takes towards domestic violence. You want to place your feminism and your respect deals in there - that doesn’t change the fact it still happens. Even if it did happen to the extent you seem to think doesn’t make the approach anymore correct!
No one said submission was wrong. Wake UP and listen with your heart for goodness sakes! lol you talk about people getting defensive and emotional when you don’t even seem to grasp the subject at hand! No one is telling women to become ‘liberated’ in that fashion! We aren’t telling them to RUN to the nearest radical feminist office, and RUN for the presidency! For goodness sakes - don’t you get it? The church is allowing women and children to get killed due to ignorance, and their pride and unwillingness to look at their OWN dangerous practices…and you throw in junk about respect, etc? Are you even reading the material?
Their application of submission doesn’t change the brokeness of these men! These men are victims as well, and the church - sadly - is ignoring them as well. God doesn’t ask people to submit to sin! You can act in submission in other forms, but when it comes to sin…don’t tell me God asks people to cross the line due to legalism! People are telling you that the church and abusive husbands are misapplying the submission verses, and you are going off yacking about how we are misguiding young ladies to be liberated. HELLO!?!?! To difference directions here!
You have glasses on with a huge layer of denial. Leaving your abuser and giving him the choice to get healing is loving and what God would ask us to do! You know there is a verse in 1Pe 3:7 Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding since they are weaker than you are. Honor your wives as those who share God’s life-giving kindness so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. The church is neglecting these men - allowing them to take advance of a precious peice of scripture about submission, and not reminding them their prayers are being hindered by their actions. They are telling the soldiers of this war to FIGHT HARD and WIN so your leaders were feel confident enough to LEAD! That’s backwards! These men are losing so much more when their prayers are hindered, and their broken souls seaping with rage - as the church sits back and shakes their finger at the other family members. To me they are doing a HUGE disserve to these men, and that is another part of this ‘emotional’ topic you seem to be missing!
The church is NOT only neglecting the women and children - they are neglecting a soul that is broken as they abuse. That seems to dirty to touch. The church has taken the path of less resistance. THAT is the real sin! Take off the blinders!
I don't know if we will ever get people to understand the true brokenness of domestic violence within the church. I do know we need to keep speaking about it, because it seems some people are finally starting to listen!
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