Conference to explore issues of faith, domestic violence

Copyright 2004 The Tulsa WorldTulsa World (Oklahoma)September 11, 2004

Saturday Conference to explore issues of faith, domestic violence

GINNIE GRAHAM World Staff Writer

Battered spouses often find conflict in their beliefs in God and violence occurring in their homes.They hear from faith leaders that divorce is a sin, women must reconcile with their husbands and believers should not go to court against other believers.

So a battered spouse returns to the violent home hoping for better.

"Because we were not dealing with the reasons why our clients were staying in these relationships, which had to do with faith, they were dropping out," said Felicia Collins Correia, executive director of the Domestic Violence Intervention Services."We had a number of clients coming in with these issues of faith and are paralyzed. We had to educate ourselves."

An interfaith advisory committee was created in the late 1990s to create a bridge between the work of DVIS and the faith community.  Through its work, partnerships have been created in Tulsa for intensive training sessions for faith leaders and annual conferences. 

A conference exploring the role faith leaders have in ending domestic violence begins at 8:30 a.m. Tuesday at the Jewish Federation of Tulsa, 2021 E. 71st St.  Three national speakers will provide keynote addresses, lead small group sessions and participate in a panel discussion.  The event is being presented by DVIS and Tulsa Metropolitan Ministries with sponsorships from the Anne and Henry Zarrow Foundation and the Jewish Federation of Tulsa. 

The Rev. Dr. Joseph C. Parker Jr., pastor of David's Chapel Missionary Baptist Church in Austin, Texas and former trial attorney, will discuss how a church can support a batterer while holding that person accountable and requiring change.

Nancy Murphy, director of the Northwest Family Life Learning and Counseling Center based in Seattle, will speak about providing a compassionate response to victims of family violence and the role of faith leaders in aiding victims.

Naomi Perry, lead coordinator for the Parent-Child Interaction Training Program in Washington state and therapist at the Harborview Center for Sexual Assault and Traumatic Stress in Seattle, will address how children respond to domestic violence."We put on the conferences for the community and for ourselves," Correia said.

"We bring in leaders who challenge us and our organization."  Correia said DVIS has been working with the faith community since 1988, when the agency located various spiritual and scriptural references for clients to use in decision making.  "If anything is new, it's that we're not taking the issue and putting it in a corner," Correia said. "We are looking at what our organization can do as a nonprofit to be of help and have partnerships. 

"Since the training sessions and conferences began, faith leaders are understanding that DVIS is not about breaking up families, Correia said.  The leaders have gained knowledge about not minimizing violence that may occur and how to react to the serious nature of violence in families, she said.  Keeping faith leaders accountable for appropriate counsel -- similar to law enforcement -- is a suggestion from the DVIS interfaith advisory council.  Currently, faith leaders will contact each other with concerns about advice given to families in crisis."This is not just us as an outside organization, but us on the inside saying these are important issues," Correia said."People now in the faith community understand what our role is and how and when to refer to us."

Ginnie Graham ginnie.graham@tulsaworld.com

James Chapter 3 in the Bible

This verse spoke to me personally, and I wanted to share.

James 3:1

Taming the Tongue

1Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.
3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Two Kinds of Wisdom

13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peaceloving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Footnotes:

James 3:11 Greek bitter (see also verse 14)

One discussion online! What do you think??

This was a discussion I had on a faith board. Here are some bits and peices...what do you think? Comment section at end of posting - or bottom of website


I didn’t want to change the subject of the other thread to another direction. LOL So I will start another one! The other thread spoke about his wife cheating and leaving and now living with another person. To me that is abandonment and adultery so he has every right to file for divorce (from what he wrote so far). She has broken the vows taken within the relationship and crushed them beyond belief! I understand his hesitation also. It seems sometimes you get nailed with so many opinions about things that you really don’t know what is right. I try to sit back and take all others out of my mind, and think of what Jesus/God would say to the person. Even if she did make the decision to come back after all she did it was be very hard for him to regain the trust to rebuild the relationship on. We aren’t perfect after all, and at times I think others can crush your spirit so badly that there is a point of no return. I know that sounds like you don’t have enough faith, but we are talking human nature here. Someone else doesn’t understand that? LOL he made us!

I want to change the subject and direction a little. There are promises that are made when people get married. What part of the covenant or promises that are broken ARE and ARE NOT worthy of separating over that may end in divorce? I’m not talking little annoyances or being ugly on occasion. I’m talking flat out – I don’t care – deal with it – this is me and I am NOT going to change breaks. The types of things that are done to erode the other person. Things done just to hurt. We all have uglies in our relationships. That is a given! I’m not talking about those types of things. We all have our bad days or periods in which we all can be HIGH MAINTANCE! LOL! I understand Jesus said to forgive 7 times 70 times. I think about the thread with this man having to deal with 400+ cheating situations if that were the case! Your spouse has to totally humiliate you 400+ times before you can even think about the situation. If not adultery think of other awful, ugly things – I’m talking more than he ticked me off because he left his underwear on the bathroom floor again okay! LOL! We speak of abandonment and adultery as breaking everything apart, and that is the only reason you have unless you wish to sin. I read my bible I see all kinds of things that he feels is ugly. Things that will break down and tear people apart, but people tend to NOT include those within a marriage. YES this is wrong – EXCEPT if you have a certificate of marriage. LOL then we will question your faith when you say we have reached that point of no return! Those situations DON’T apply once you have entered into marriage, and you must not walk away like Jesus and his followers did.

I agree that you may in certain circumstances have to take on a little more than you felt you would at times, but again I’m talking unreasonable expectations of certain circumstances. It seems all applies EXCEPT if your spouse is doing this – then you must deal with it some way. I tend to really question this. I really do. I wonder at times if people don’t take the “spirit” of what is being said in the bible, and refuse to apply it to other circumstances. “Yes the bible did say this, that or the other thing, but they don’t apply to your situation at all. The only mention of your situation is THIS! So that is all that applies here!” Okay then. LOL doesn’t make much sense to me.

LOL I know I know you want a scripture reference or story here! Okay I look to Judges 19. This story is of rape and murder and totally ignores any hope or grace. LOL I realize it is part of an ongoing saga okay! Just part of the story and history here, but I just want to stick to THIS part of the saga! I realize this woman in the story is first talked about as the concubine – but then he is also referred to as her husband and son in law also! At that time a concubine was also referred to as the second wife if the first was couldn’t produce a child to carry on the family for example among others! It doesn’t mean just an ugly woman in other words! Yes it does sound like she had an affair and moved back with Daddy because she wasn’t happy. The husband at that point decided to come and woo her back. She was basically dropped pretty much from the story after hubby reached Daddy’s house, and YES she did go back home with him after the father and husband made the decision! On the way back home they stopped at a place for the night, and people from the surrounding town (men) came and said send him out so that we would have our way with him! They refused of course, and what ended up happening is this man sent his wife out instead. They raped her and her broken body ended up on the doorway of the place they were staying. He woke up the next morning walked over her and basically said WILL YOU hurry up its time to leave now! When he figured out she wouldn’t move he placed her on an animal and they left! The end of the story is when she gets home and he cuts her into pieces and states that they men that raped her (they didn’t know that part either) did it, and lets go to war!

When I hear this story I bet her adultery wasn’t the only reason she left! I mean look at his attitude! You can’t rape me but here is my wife – have her instead! LOL you think that attitude just started that night? I mean here is a man they felt was respected, and he didn’t cheat or leave – she did! LOL and the reasons she did that are not important because SHE is the one that started it! Ugh. LOL! It is stories like that when I question whether people are not looking into the “spirit” of what is said. It goes against what I read. It goes against what I feel Jesus is telling us! Okay her cheating wasn’t right, but for goodness sakes LOOK at the man’s attitude! Don’t tell he it is a “period” of time thinking here either! People may not go to that extreme now days because of jail time (in most situations okay), but over the overall mindset still lives ON! Both genders do this also!

LOL people say you can only leave under two (maybe) circumstances – that is all that applies! Jesus would tell people to get the heck out of dodge under such abuse of mindset, but NOT if married? I’m sorry that really doesn’t sit right with me! LOL! Okay…correct me – where am I going wrong! It really doesn’t make sense! Don’t be legalistic with WELL she did cheat or his actions don’t apply now days. Because they DO! Don’t go with “she should have known who she married” either. I think that is getting away from what I’m asking! There are lots of situations that happen within the mindset of what was spoken in this story! I’m talking MINDSET over all here! Don’t say she didn’t pray hard enough – or have enough faith! LOL you think people of faith in Germany during World War II were not doing just that? History tells us things happen! There are others also – that one just came to mind because most know the story and the ENDING! LOL! We all know they happen!

Are you only allowed certain promises to be broken? Even in extreme cases? Just because you marry you must take on all uglies – don’t worry about the “spirit” of what has been said elsewhere in the bible? That makes no sense to me. God isn’t that black and white in those cases – I think Humans are!
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I believe I completely understand what you are saying. You are not alone in your thinking.

Much in Christendom is touted about the "LAW" but that leaves little room (oh-so apparently) for the Spirit. The true nature of marriage between a man and a woman is COVENANT, not contract. There is ONLY one being capable of maintaining a covenant alone: GOD.

Human covenant can only be established and entered into by more than one, yet it takes only one to break it. It's the breaking of that covenant that disolves a marriage. Covenant is about MUCH more than 'just' being physically faithful to your partner.

A marriage can be "adulterated" by FAR MORE things than sexual unfaithfulness. Adulteration of a marriage takes place by ANYTHING that consistently and constantly breaks the covenant. At one point in His relationship with the nation of Israel, God called them a nation of "adulterers." He was speaking about the numerous ways in which they continuously broke their covenant relationship with Him. They did NOT have a sexual relationship with God, and yet He judged their adultery. To commit adultery is to "adulterate" the covenant nature of a relationship. Human beings, especially Christians (so it would seem), love the idea of "formulas." The belief we seem to have that a 'formula' can be found to "fix" any and all ills within a relationship is simplistic, and unrealistic, given our very human nature. We still haven't grown up (imo) enough to stop seeing every relationship as the proverbial Cinderella-Happily-Everafter story. As you say, there ARE things that can happen in a marriage that, no matter what formula(s) is/are tried, no matter how many years are spent trying, no matter how much prayer, no matterhow much one may plea or placate, no matter how hard one may work ,no matter how many, or few people are involved in "helping," simply CANNOT be fixed. Too much broken-heartedness, too much contempt, too much disrespect, too much dishonor, too much pain - Too much has transpired in the breaking of the covenant.

Can God restore? Can God repair? Can God "fix" it? Of course! He's the Great Redeemer! BUT, it will still take BOTH people to agree and diligently do ALL the neccessary work it will take to CHANGE. This very, very RARELY happens. Many Christians are convinced they understand - and will JUDGE accordingly - what God has in mind, and plan, for someone else's marriage relationship. ONLY God knows. If He does plan to restore and redeem, you can be SURE it will be fraught with trial and tribulation for the two people involved. They BOTH will have to choose this path back to a RENEWED covenant, and for many, many very human beings, it simply isn't within them to do so. They do not lack "faith" as many would judge, they lack spirit. Their's has been so damaged that recovery for them isn't possible within the scope of that relationship.

Thank the Lord that His GRACE is sufficient!!! . . . because very often, dare I say MOST often, He is the ONLY one those people will receive grace from. Divorce is NOT a - *gasp* - sin. God hates divorce because it is the breaking of a covenant, and the ensuing devastation that means to the spirits of \those involved.

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I do agree with what you are saying!

At times I think people want the marriage to stick together no matter what the circumstances. If you lost both the spirits within the marriage - doesn't matter - you kept the agreement. At times I wonder what is more important - one or both the souls to possibly be lost forever - one or both the souls being able to serve better without the marriage.

In reading some people's opinion the marriage is more important than the people it consists of! Totally blows me away! That makes no sense to me at all. If you lost the people because they were forced to stay together because of teachings others felt were right for them....how is that honoring ANYONE? Where is the honor in that?

Again I'm talking extreme cases.

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. . . I agree. I too, do not believe that God is "honored" like that. I am not God, but I have asked myself over and over, is God "more pleased" by a marriage of 2 "Christians" who have little between them but contempt and bitterness, simply becasuse they "keep the law," or a "pagan" couple who are wholy and deeply committed to one another in an ALIVE loving relationship?

I have viewed both kinds of relationships over long periods of time, and I simply do not believe that keeping the law is enough to warrant pleasing God, nor does it bring Him any special kind of "honor." I've seen too many Christian marriages that failed miserably at bringing honor to anyone, much less God, and yet they bound themselves to existing in this way because of the "law."

I've known other marriages that were far more honoring, and yet, because they were marriages of something other than Christian, or they were unequally yoked, those couples/marriages were "judged" accordingly. It is my belief that God sees this kind of judgement , just as he saw the Pharisees. Woe to them . . .

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Lots of different opinions here....you have any?

A Rabbi's Notebook

A Rabbi's Notebook
by Tzvi Hersh Weinreb

Every Orthodox community has its "horror stories." As an individual who has spoken on the subject of family violence in Orthodox communities across the country, what I find most troubling is that all of the hotlines and counseling programs set up in recent years are inundated with requests for service.

Hotlines for Victims of Domestic Abuse
While little exists in the way of statistical surveys, the number of reported incidents of physical abuse easily exceeds 1,000 across the country. Something is very wrong in our ranks, and it must be addressed vigorously at many levels.

I have listened to dozens of case histories. As a rabbi, I feel I must alert my colleagues to some common mistakes we make when a woman comes to us with a complaint of family violence. Of course, these "notes" are just that: a basic primer of suggestions important for any rabbi or counselor.

1. Don't assume the problem isn't in your community. Domestic violence is prevalent, and is not limited to any one sector. It appears across the left-right continuum, across socioeconomic boundaries and across all age groups.

2. Spouse abuse follows certain predictable patterns of behavior: look for the abusive spouse's need to be controlling and dominating, and the victim's tendencies to be overly forgiving, self-blaming, and fearful of confrontation.

3. Look past the "ehrlicher Yid" facade. Often, the abusive spouse shows his violent behavior only in the home. You may think of him as a model of proper behavior and you may have difficulty believing that he physically abuses his wife.

4. "Ask the question", i.e. when you counsel couples on marital problems, inquire about the ways in which the couple resolves disagreements. Probe the limits by specifically asking whether one spouse has ever lifted a hand against the other.

5. Don't urge couples to reconcile without sufficiently addressing the violence. Too often, rabbis encourage women to return to situations which are intolerable, and think that the husband's expressions of remorse can be taken at face value.

6. Consider the victim's need for physical safety above all other considerations. There have been too many incidents of serious injuries and even several cases of murder within our community.

7. Don't assume the problem doesn't exist in your own congregation, even if no one has ever come forward. Deliver sermons about the values of a proper Jewish marriage in general, and specifically speak about the prohibitions against physical and verbal abuse from one spouse to another. Chances are, your phone will ring that week, and the caller may be a congregant you've known for years.

8. Make use of various training experiences which are increasingly available through various rabbinic groups. Learn how to respond to reports of abuse, what legal options are available, what kinds of counseling is available, and most important, how and to whom to make referrals.

9. Required reading! Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski's The Shame Borne in Silence which describes the problem and offers suggestions for education, treatment, and intervention.

10. Most important of all, the Orthodox community needs to develop an entire range of premarital educational and counseling opportunities within our schools and synagogues. Pioneering efforts are already being made, but much more needs to be done. Get involved.

Rabbi Weinreb is the spiritual leader of Congregation Shomrei Emunah in Baltimore, Maryland. He is the former chief psychologist of the Potomac Foundation of Mental Health in Bethesda, Md.

Women, Religion, and Violence - Health Care Professionals

Women, Religion, and Violence
by Martha B. Holstein


Violence against women is an old but often invisible story. Virtually every health professional encounters signs of it at some point in clinical practice. Sadly, many women are complicit in their own abuse for economic or social reasons, or even the age-old hope that "next time he will be different." Some are complicit on religious grounds which, of course, complicates matters. Abuse is often wrapped in beliefs about the role of men and the place of women in a divinely ordered universe. An abused wife sometimes believes that it is her duty to suffer, to turn the other cheek, to forgive her abuser because the marriage takes precedence over her own well-being. Belief becomes tangled in ideology and theology, sustained by fear, embarrassment, and guilt. If she accepts patriarchy, must she also accept abuse?

Mandatory reporting laws—for children and elders—can temporarily protect and do noting to address the source of the problem. How can health professionals, who want to protect their patients from harm without trampling on deeply held beliefs, respond? Perhaps the first step is to see how religion can provide source material for abuse.

The opening chapters of Genesis, according to some readers, establishes woman as second in creation and thus inferior to man and also the first to disobey. This reading fosters the perception that women are intrinsically disruptive, disorderly, unclean. Recent feminist reinterpretations of Genesis have not influenced those most comfortable with a male-oriented theology and a hierarchically structured marriage. Without suggesting that such attitudes about women's place, duty, and nature condone violence, these interpretations can make violence seem tenable as a vehicle to subdue what the man might interpret as disorder.

To some students of Christianity, Christ's suffering on the cross tacitly reinforces the argument that women should bear suffering while forgiving the abuser. An easily forgotten distinction is that Christ freely chose this suffering and that the abused woman's lot is forced upon her, a point of critical importance to the health professional. In the Hebrew Bible, Tamar (2 Samuel 13) is the model for the victimized victim, a position that abused women today experience. Amnon rapes Tamar, discards her, and refuses to marry her. The community responds by expelling her as a piece of ruined property, and the Biblical narrative forgets her. When a health professional encounters an abused woman he or she is often seeing a modern Tamar, a woman without communal protection.

In recent times, the murderous gang raping of Muslim women in Bosnia and in parts of Africa replicates the Tamar story. Muslim women do not report the rape because they would be ostracized as spoiled women. Although Islam does not condone the violence, the effect is quite the same. The man goes unpunished; the woman is banished. What recourse does she have but silence?

The concept of women as property has not disappeared in modern America. Some husbands (and some clergy) tell women that they must submit to their husbands. Tamar's story is reenacted whenever clergy counsel battered women to forgive and forget, to turn the other cheek, to save the family and the marriage. Women are idealized as keepers of home, hearth, and children at the same time they are subtly discounted as moral agents, sometimes demonized as temptresses, and sent home to their abusers. Despite having no intention to harm abused women, clergy often do not hear their voices. Instead, women hear their fears discounted and their abuse misunderstood or minimized; women also report feeling blame or being made to feel responsible for what happened to them.

Such abuse, though not always inflicted with religious justification, is very common. Sociologist Nancy Wilson-Clark reports that one out of six women in the U.S. and Canada experienced violent abuse at the hands of their husbands in 1996. Violence happens not only on the streets, but in our homes, where we ought to feel safe, and in our families where hugs, and not bloodied noses, should be the norm.

This is the kind of violence health care professionals often face. So what should they do when encountering a patient who traces abuse to religious justifications? How can they help a woman who believes she must suffer in silence, must submit to her husband, must protect the family at whatever cost to herself, that she must be at fault? How can health professionals help her maintain her faith and reject the arguments that expose her to abuse and suffering?

Few health professionals have the expertise to provide counter arguments from scripture. But they can respect the power of the woman's deeply held beliefs, asking how her belief system shapes her perception of what happens to her without condoning excesses committed in its name. By facilitating talk and by close listening, health professionals can give the patient courage to name her experiences. This simple act may move her toward reclaiming her subjectivity and, hence, moral agency. Abuse radically affects a woman's sense of self, or indeed, her belief that she has any self at all. The health professional can validate a woman's moral worth by taking her story seriously and asking her to explain what she believes her religion does and does not allow her to do. With careful and compassionate questioning, an abused woman might arrive at previously unnoticed options.

The health professional can also remind the patient that virtually all religious traditions (and most secular moralities) teach a version of the golden rule, which tells us to do to others as we would have them do to us. Extending the rule leads to the moral ideals of generous good will, love, and compassion. To live this way means it is evil to cause suffering and it is good to alleviate or prevent suffering. For the abused person to hear this message is a starting place for the woman and an act of ethical attentiveness that the health professional can offer.

Resources I found as well as the article above:

National Institute of Justice:  How health care providers can help victims

Mayo Clinic:  Know domestic violence signs against men

Judges 19 - I believe an example of Domestic violence in the bible

Judges 19 and domestic violence  This is a link to the sermon that had won first place from Faith Trust Institute.  It was originally on Christianity Today, and then on Faith Trust Institute.  It had been removed on both locations.  I have copy in my google docs.

Below is the scripture reference, but please see the sermon document to read what was said.

Judge 19:1 In those days Israel had no king. Now a Levite who lived in a remote area in the hill country of Ephraim took a concubine from Bethlehem in Judah. 2 But she was unfaithful to him. She left him and went back to her father's house in Bethlehem, Judah. After she had been there four months, 3 her husband went to her to persuade her to return. He had with him his servant and two donkeys. She took him into her father's house, and when her father saw him, he gladly welcomed him. 4 His father-in-law, the girl's father, prevailed upon him to stay; so he remained with him three days, eating and drinking, and sleeping there.

5 On the fourth day they got up early and he prepared to leave, but the girl's father said to his son-in-law, "Refresh yourself with something to eat; then you can go." 6 So the two of them sat down to eat and drink together. Afterward the girl's father said, "Please stay tonight and enjoy yourself." 7 And when the man got up to go, his father-in-law persuaded him, so he stayed there that night. 8 On the morning of the fifth day, when he rose to go, the girl's father said, "Refresh yourself. Wait till afternoon!" So the two of them ate together.

9 Then when the man, with his concubine and his servant, got up to leave, his father-in-law, the girl's father, said, "Now look, it's almost evening. Spend the night here; the day is nearly over. Stay and enjoy yourself. Early tomorrow morning you can get up and be on your way home." 10 But, unwilling to stay another night, the man left and went toward Jebus (that is, Jerusalem), with his two saddled donkeys and his concubine.

11 When they were near Jebus and the day was almost gone, the servant said to his master, "Come, let's stop at this city of the Jebusites and spend the night."

12 His master replied, "No. We won't go into an alien city, whose people are not Israelites. We will go on to Gibeah." 13 He added, "Come, let's try to reach Gibeah or Ramah and spend the night in one of those places." 14 So they went on, and the sun set as they neared Gibeah in Benjamin. 15 There they stopped to spend the night. They went and sat in the city square, but no one took them into his home for the night.
16 That evening an old man from the hill country of Ephraim, who was living in Gibeah (the men of the place were Benjamites), came in from his work in the fields. 17 When he looked and saw the traveler in the city square, the old man asked, "Where are you going? Where did you come from?"

18 He answered, "We are on our way from Bethlehem in Judah to a remote area in the hill country of Ephraim where I live. I have been to Bethlehem in Judah and now I am going to the house of the LORD . No one has taken me into his house. 19 We have both straw and fodder for our donkeys and bread and wine for ourselves your servants-me, your maidservant, and the young man with us. We don't need anything."

20 "You are welcome at my house," the old man said. "Let me supply whatever you need. Only don't spend the night in the square." 21 So he took him into his house and fed his donkeys. After they had washed their feet, they had something to eat and drink.

22 While they were enjoying themselves, some of the wicked men of the city surrounded the house. Pounding on the door, they shouted to the old man who owned the house, "Bring out the man who came to your house so we can have sex with him."

23 The owner of the house went outside and said to them, "No, my friends, don't be so vile. Since this man is my guest, don't do this disgraceful thing. 24 Look, here is my virgin daughter, and his concubine. I will bring them out to you now, and you can use them and do to them whatever you wish. But to this man, don't do such a disgraceful thing."

25 But the men would not listen to him. So the man took his concubine and sent her outside to them, and they raped her and abused her throughout the night, and at dawn they let her go. 26 At daybreak the woman went back to the house where her master was staying, fell down at the door and lay there until daylight.

27 When her master got up in the morning and opened the door of the house and stepped out to continue on his way, there lay his concubine, fallen in the doorway of the house, with her hands on the threshold. 28 He said to her, "Get up; let's go." But there was no answer. Then the man put her on his donkey and set out for home.

29 When he reached home, he took a knife and cut up his concubine, limb by limb, into twelve parts and sent them into all the areas of Israel. 30 Everyone who saw it said, "Such a thing has never been seen or done, not since the day the Israelites came up out of Egypt. Think about it! Consider it! Tell us what to do!"


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Here is a link to a sermon about this verse
http://www.faithtrustinstitute.org/Articles/FIRST%20PLACE%20SERMON.pdf