HEALING THROUGH FIGHTING - The conclusion

Abuse effects people and it injurys them, and don't allow others to tell you different! There are alot of victims of child abuse in this world that have problems dealing with life because of their experiences. They take those troubles into adulthood. Its difficult for them to speak of the past, and unless they learn to NOT keep that secret that secret will continue to harm them! It will cause all kinds of uglies including hate, contempt and resentment. That secret will implode on them, and will harm them further.

Despite the hurt and shame, etc that they feel they learn to displace themselves, and go some where else. I don't think just victims of child abuse do this either, and in some ways all victims do this. Its a mode of protection. One thing victims of abuse learn to do is keep the secret of abuse, and it will continue to hurt you until you learn to let go of it.

Victims of child abuse will hold on to these secrets and pain, and it will continue to destroy their's lifes. They will act out, and they will even act hateful at times. When you have this source of pain - despite what type of source it is for example: emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse,etc - you must find a way of releaseing that. You must learn to let go of the secret, and you must find other followers of Christ that are safe people to release that to.

You will know this time for you when the Spirit moves you, and God will OPEN that door of hope for you! You just need to sit and listen and wait for that time! If you opened up, and you find that maybe those that you did open up to were NOT as safe as you felt - you must continue to search for help! Don't shut down and don't hide! Some people say that only Christian help should be sought, and I'm sorry I must disagree! God opens all kinds of doors, and if the help you sought out DID help you maybe God places you in their path to show them their way to Christ!

People have to learn what Love is!

What Hope is!

What forgiveness is!

It can't just be 'parroted' as Jacky Hughes spoke about on Day one. Some people that may be enough, but for most in the abuse realm they will need more.

People must be shown to step out of denial, and face your fears and deal with the abuse that has happened. For some it will take longer than others, and dont' allow others to rush your timeline! God made us custom beings,and you will know with help from the Holy Spirit when that next step is to be taken!

Victims of abuse need brothers and sisters of Christ to hold on to them, pray for them, and tell them that they understand them! THE most IMPORTANT part is that they believe them!

Give your secret to God, and allow him to break it and free you from being a captive of this ugly secret! It won't be easy at times, but God will be with you all the while.

Psalms 28:7 GW The LORD is my strength and my shield. My heart trusted him, so I received help. My heart is triumphant; I give thanks to him with my song.

For alot of people they have seen the awesome things that God has done in their lifes, and they can own this scripture all the way! There are others that want this, but really have a hard time stepping up and doing just that. Its not time to shame those people I say to those that have NOT been a victim of abuse!

Its very hard to trust when you have been a victim of abuse, and its hard to let go of that secret as well. Its hard for abuse victims to open up, because 90% of abuse victims were victims of someone they knew. Try to imagine how hard that is to go out into the world, and have a relationships and trust after that has happened! Its very hard! Abuse victims at times have a very difficult time setting boundaries. Its hard to setup good emotional boundaries, relationship boundaries and YES even sexual boundaries! Abuse victims have a VERY hard time with confrontation! They tend to apologize for things that they have no need apologizing for. Its okay to tell them that!

Abuse victims tend to internalize things, and those are no fault of theirs! Those effects are carried on in their lifes, and it depends on when they decide to break that secret do they begin that path of healing. Abuse victims may have subtance abuse issues, eating disorders, sleeping issues, etc. There are a lot of issues when dealing with abuse. Its not as easy as Dr. Laura states, "Just get over it already!"

Do yourself a favor before you decide to blow off someone that is asking for help! Don't throw scripture at it as a ways and means of dealing with it! Don't give simplistic advice, and then decide the rest is up to them! Be careful to NOT give the abuser excuses due to their behavior. Abuse is a cycle that happens constantly, and its NOT an occasional bad day or period of time. Its a lifestyle, and the cycle can vary in length. Educate yourself so you can help those that come as ask for help! You may not get a second chance, because with their trust issues they feel they are truly sticking their necks out. If you chop it off some may never ask again, and with others you prolong the pain that God would wished removed.

You see when victims of abuse at times hear:

Psalms 28:7 GW The LORD is my strength and my shield. My heart trusted him, so I received help. My heart is triumphant; I give thanks to him with my song.

They aren't so sure. If you think about it hard enough, and you educate yourself enough you will know.......that makes sense!

We have been looking at Psalms 28 within the last couple of days. It was written by David - a man that loved God passionately! He was also a man that failed God miserably! Think about ourselves, and we have to admit - YEP! LOL! Me to! David was honest with God about his feelings and thoughts! He screamed out to him if you remain silent I will fall into that pit! I will DIE if you do not act! David was in a place that many of us have been! It may have been something that someone was doing to you on a constant basis, and you were crying OUT to God! Saying to him IF you remain silent I don't KNOW what will happen! You see its okay to express those feelings to God!

Its okay to feel those feelings for a time, and we have all had those times! We need to know that

GOD is listening! EVEN if at the time it doesn't appear that he does...he is listening!

Some people YELL from the rooftops about how wrong the stats are! If you do enough reading they will say that 1 in 4 women are victims of abuse. They will say 1 in 6 for men. They get so caught up in HOW those stats are wrong, and if you think about it what if it is? Lets say its 1 and 8 women.......does that make you feel better? LOL Certainly doesn't to me! Apply that to any stats, and its still unacceptable. Its wrong, and its sin! What it does show is that abuse is rampant! ANY way you cut it!

God is Just! When we disregard what God has asked of us he will repay us for those deeds. Its not said to be vindictive! It is said because it shows a reflection of WHOM God is! We can all be saved of this, but lets face it we all deserve it!

God says that we will be repaid for what we have done. Instead of telling a victim to be more submissive, or respect his authority more, or show him LOVE in a way he can't resist.......remember that God is JUST! Same goes towards the other gender! YES we can all show people the way with our deeds and actions, but scripture doesn't say that a guarantee! He certainly didn't mean it as a diversion tactic to avoid the ugly issue set before you. We have a tool called fellowship, and we must also use that gift that God has given us to help those that can't seem to help themselves.

God is loving, God is Merciful, God is forgiving.......and GOD is Just! If you show disregard for what he gave us he will pay you back.

That child they are hurting, and that teenager they are harming, and that spouse they are destroying MEANS something to God.......and it should mean something to all of us!

Lastly God is Able!

We by ourselves are weak! If we are bend enough we will break! GOD is strong, and he is our strength! We could do nothing without him! He is unchanging, and he doesn't bend! If we have our Lord behind us we also will not bend and break! He gives us strength! Once we give our lifes to God we aren't any stronger than we were before! WE rely on his strength to help us get on with life!

If you are someone that is harming others God will give you the strength to get you the help you need!

With victims they will tell you that the biggest strength and biggest stride they made is when found someone they could tell, and they believed them. You don't have to know all the dynamics or even understand them. You don't have to understand ALL the pain and terror they have dealt with. They do need to be guided to:


Psalms 28:7 GW The LORD is my strength and my shield. My heart trusted him, so I received help. My heart is triumphant; I give thanks to him with my song

You may not have met them yet, but remember God also will give you the strength for you to help guide them along that path. Don't grill people because it will make them feel they have done something wrong. God is able to help you with those conversations.

Remember there is a difference between knowing in your head that God is your strength, and know that God is your strength in your heart.

There was a time in my life when I went to a swimming pool, and they had this HUGE and HIGH diving board! It looked fun until I walked up and looked WAYYYYYYYY up! I kind of got cold feet at that point, but I also knew my friends that loved this diving board would tease me for a LIFETIME if I didn't jump off it! LOL as a child that wasn't something I wanted to handle! I had seen people jump, and YEP they lived! The terror I felt as I hopped up every step, but I trusted my friends that I would live! LOL! I would make it! As I got over the edge I looked down (I know I KNOW!), and at that moment I had to feel in my heart that I trusted people's opinions enough that I wouldn't DIE during that jump! I did it and I'm still here!

We all have to ask ourselves to have that HEART felt trust, and dive in and trust God to show us the way.

You see......GOD is able!


Healing Through Fighting - Part One God is Listening

Healing Through Fighting - Part Two God Is Just

Healing Through Fighting - Part Three God is Able

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