Crazy Love and Domestic violence

Leslie Morgan Steiner has a video about, “Crazy Love”.  I enjoyed it because she approached the subject of domestic violence in a some what different manner than most.  Keep in mind the video is only 15 minutes long, and she can’t touch on everything.  You can see by the comments on the TED website that some found her short approach refreshing, and others felt she left to much out.

 

I wanted to take parts of what she said, and maybe glance at why some just don’t see (victims and non victims) the ‘crazy love’ as she put for what it is.  Victims no matter whom they are – male, female, child – should be able to identify with parts or all of it.

I was 22. I had just graduated from Harvard College. I had moved to New York City for my first job as a writer and editor at Seventeen magazine. I had my first apartment, my first little green American Express card, and I had a very big secret. My secret was that I had this gun loaded with hollow-point bullets pointed at my head by the man who I thought was my soulmate, many, many times. The man who I loved more than anybody on Earth held a gun to my head and threatened to kill me more times than I can even remember. I'm here to tell you the story of crazy love, a psychological trap disguised as love, one that millions of women and even a few men fall into every year. It may even be your story.

Let’s stop to think about the words, ‘crazy love’ just for a moment.  I realize that isn’t a biblical term, but it is a good definition of the type of love you see in relationships with domestic violence.  You have abusers that tell their victims they are the worse type of person, and that is why they abuse.  Then you have the victim that feels the need to fix, and views the abuser as a soul mate type of individual. 

 

Keep in mind I don’t wish to place those descriptions into a box, and that I’m generalizing here!  Abusers have all kinds of reasons as to WHY they do what they do.  Victims may not feel the ‘soul mate’ part, but do feel love for them.

 

The problem I see is most don’t recognize the word ‘crazy’ in front of the word love, and the reason it was placed there.  Its not just the victims or abusers that don’t clue into the concept, but also general society as well.  All we have to do is look at how to many in society – within the church or out – respond to domestic violence.

 

Let glance at how this ‘crazy love’ begins:

One of the smartest things Conor did, from the very beginning, was to create the illusion that I was the dominant partner in the relationship. He did this especially at the beginning by idolizing me. We started dating, and he loved everything about me, that I was smart, that I'd gone to Harvard, that I was passionate about helping teenage girls, and my job. He wanted to know everything about my family and my childhood and my hopes and dreams. Conor believed in me, as a writer and a woman, in a way that no one else ever had. And he also created a magical atmosphere of trust between us by confessing his secret, which was that, as a very young boy starting at age four, he had been savagely and repeatedly physically abused by his stepfather, and the abuse had gotten so bad that he had had to drop out of school in eighth grade, even though he was very smart, and he'd spent almost 20 years rebuilding his life. Which is why that Ivy League degree and the Wall Street job and his bright shiny future meant so much to him. If you had told me that this smart, funny, sensitive man who adored me would one day dictate whether or not I wore makeup, how short my skirts were, where I lived, what jobs I took, who my friends were and where I spent Christmas, I would have laughed at you, because there was not a hint of violence or control or anger in Conor at the beginning. I didn't know that the first stage in any domestic violence relationship is to seduce and charm the victim.

What abusers tend to do is make this person feel very special, and I never thought about the part of creating them to be the ‘dominant’ partner in the relationship.  Keep in mind it isn’t the type of dominant we normally hear about.  Remember the word “CRAZY” here! 

 

What is the crazy part?  Remember in her story he idolized all that she was and did.  Abusive personalities then concentrate on breaking down the ‘dominant’ traits they felt so lovely before.  I guess they feel that is what makes them dominant, and yet all that they loved about that person to begin with is gone.  They end up frustrated, and the victim completely destroyed.  No one wins, and everyone loses.

 

Its all part of the dance.  We can all look back at abusive relationships, and recognize the idolizing part afterwards.  It’s not so easy to see at the time, because the early stages of falling in love tends to be described as:   sweep them off their feet.  In healthy relationships the ‘adoring’ part stays, but you aren’t so easily sweep up in the moment anymore.  You move on to the next stage of working on the whole of your relationship, and you grow to love the person more and more in different ways.  It’s different, but still awesome.  Your firm foundation is present, and now its time to build up and out from there.

 

Before I go on lets picture a group of small children, and one of the children just received a new toy that they love.  Their whole world at that point revolves around this new possession that is all theirs!   This type of thinking is normal for a young child, and at times they can get very possessive of it.   They don’t want to share it, and no one can touch or play with it.  They might do something to it, or break it, or change it in a way that they don’t like!  Along comes their friend to see what all the excitement is about, and they aggressively pushed away.  “It’s MINE!” you hear screamed.  We have all seen this scene played out at one time or another.  Then you have caregiver or parent come and attempt to teach the child the what's, whys, and how's of sharing, and learning to be better friend.

 

In abusive relationships you see similar dynamics.  What may seem like early stages of being swept off you feet now turns into a reality of YOU being their possession.  Think of a young child with a favorite NEW toy in which they refuse to share with others.  The difference is you no longer have a caregiver or parent to enforce how their behavior and attitude is wrong.  After all, they are an adult at this point. 

 

In healthy relationships you can point this out, but in abusive relationships such statements are returned with violence.   It’s similar to the dynamic of the young child being told by another child that they need to share their new toy, and they refuse to.  You don’t have someone helping them realize this is a immature trait that leads to selfishness.  You are ‘theirs’ and they will do what they will with you.  A young child can be taught, but abusive person will remind you they will do what they want, when they want, and how they want.  If you don’t like it?  Tough!

 

Most people will attempt to ‘reason’ with such a circumstance, and sadly that is when the abuse escalates to very scary levels.  Since you are no more than a possession to them they do not realize the irrational nature of their behavior.  What they do realize once they have calmed down there is the distance between them and their victim.  Their response to that distance isn’t rational either. 

 

They will then use your ‘dominant’ position within the relationship against you, and then manipulative the past to make them look like the ‘true’ victim.  They need your help since they were the abused child of the stepfather, and they FOUGHT all their life to get where they are now.  YOU are their partner, and if you love them enough you will help them evolve.  You will help them to get your level of ‘dominance’.   Yes, it’s a crazy type of dominance as well.  It’s a brand new definition that Webster’s dictionary hasn’t even considered yet.

 

They will pick one trait at a time (most of the time anyway) that they ‘loved’ in the past, and demand that it be altered or stopped all together.  This trait is the cause of all the tension within the relationship.  They will point out that you look ‘stuck up’ or ‘better than everyone else’ when this trait is present.  That mysteriously turns into how the world sees it the same way they do, but they were brave enough to finally point it out to you.  How you were lucky that they were gracious enough to live with it up until this point, and they had every right to finally SNAP!  YOU are just to uppity to admit it.

 

This is also the time they start to use all those secrets that were revealed in that ‘magically atmosphere’ of trust in the beginning of the relationship.  After all, they were not the only ones that were sharing during that time of excitement.  Those secrets between the two of you at one time were received with empathy, compassion, and love.  It now is being used against you, and to make you feel badly about yourself.

 

I will use an example in this case.  As I have written about myself in the past I wasn’t given much guidance in certain areas growing up.  Lets pretend for now it was in the area of cleaning up the house.  Now in the beginning of the relationship I might have shared that I felt inadequate because I didn’t know how to do something in regards to cleaning the house.   How I try my hardest now – because under the surface it makes me feel better. 

 

In response your new partner makes you feel so much better about this aspect of your past, and they will love you EVEN if it were true – which of course they believe its not.  They see you as one of the tidiest people they know in so many areas, and they will be there to remind you about those – and always make you feel better.  I know silly example, but lets use to get view the principal here!  The basic point is everyone has tender spots, and insecurities in some areas. 

 

In a healthy relationship you realize the lines in the sand with your spouse or partner that you do not cross.  You don’t cross them, and you realize your spouse wouldn’t either.  I’m not saying in times of tension humans aren’t tempted to, because we are all capable of this.  If we value the relationship on any level?  We realize the trust that would be destroyed on some level if we crossed that line during the uproar.  It’s basic respect of any relationship.  That’s not to say you might not say something else hurtful or stupid, but you also know where the lines are drawn.

 

The abusive person sees no line in the sand, except when it comes to them.  You are the child’s toy in our story above, and as their possession there is no need for boundaries.   So there is nothing wrong with reminding you that since you grew up NOT knowing how to clean a house that lets just face facts here – you a slob when it comes to 98% of things you do in life!  It’s the truth, and they shouldn’t have to hide it!  Notice they don’t just use the ‘house’ only, but makes sure to include that 98%.  It will be useful for them in the future.  Why?  You were defined as a slob, and they will use it in most areas of disagreement the future as well.  Your secrets are now turned into ammunition.

 

At the same time?  As we see with most con men in life they also have learned the art of manipulation.  The whole entire conversation will again turn to them, and their woes in life.  Some abusive personalities will turn on the water works (tears) at this point, but others use different tactics.  Remember con men have a way of turning their ugly actions around, and make it about the injustices towards them. 

 

That aspect isn’t all that uncommon, and YES there are different ways of doing it.  For example, when Jack Schaap was arrested and jailed within the last year for fooling around with a child.  The parties that he had wrapped around his little finger were the first to say he was one of the most Godly men they knew, and how everyone makes mistakes. 

 

We have one small grain of truth there (everyone makes mistakes), but the overall principal of the sin is completely lost on them.  No doubt it took time and effort for Jack Schaap (or certain circles of the IFB in general) to mold these people to think this way.  Abusive partners do the same thing in some ways.  They have a way of warping reality, and their campaigns of minimizing the abuse is very successful.

 

I think in some ways people in church or in general society have a hard time realizing just about anyone can get taught up in something very ugly and dangerous.  It’s easier to think of others as either totally naïve or stupid then to realize its happened in history to many times to count.  It’s easier to think you are immune, and can’t be manipulated.  In reality its just the opposite.

 

I guess it was interesting to me Leslie’s prospective on being made the dominate person in the relationship.  In reality, she was only speaking of qualities or characteristics of her that were thought to be positive.  Gifts, if you will.  Instead of appreciating those gifts, and realizing its an asset to the relationship?  They are turned into threats of the abuser’s need for dominance and control.  Yes, indeed doing your best to destroy what you claimed you love is a crazy love for sure.  It certainly isn’t the type that Jesus would have us portray towards others.

Jack Schaap Scandal and Heresy

I wrote an article a little while back called, Jack Schaap Fired and then Exposed.  Since that time loyal IFB’ers (Independent Fundamental Baptist) have followed their pattern of the 4 steps of denial that Bruce Gerencser described very well in his article,  The IFB River Called Denial.  They must learn to deal better with this Jack Schaap’s Scandal. 

 

Independent Fundamental Baptist’s Behavioral Steps after Jack Schaap Scandal

First, they deny.  When the Schaap scandal first became public, IFB commenters on blogs and news sites were quick to deny that Schaap had done anything wrong. The accusations were lies and they were certain that Schaap was completely innocent. (IFB pastors are often worshiped like a god)

Second, they marginalize. When they could no longer deny the reality of the Schaap scandal, they turned to letting everyone know that Schaap was a “sinner” just like everyone else and, while his “fall” was regrettable, people should not judge the IFB church movement or First Baptist Church negatively. One bad apple doesn’t spoil the whole bushel. (actually it can)

Third, attack the critics. Instead of owning the scandal, many IFB defenders decided to attack those who reported the scandal or wrote negative things about Schaap, Jack Hyles, First Baptist Church in Hammond, and the IFB.  You can read about one such attack here.

Across the blogosphere, in discussion forums, in blog comments, and emails, the defenders of the IFB have attempted to ameliorate  the scandal by attacking people like me. They can’t dismiss my impeccable IFB credentials so they attack me personally or they dismiss me out of hand because I am an atheist. Why should anyone listen to what I have say, they write. I am a God-hater. I am bitter, angry, have an axe to grind.

They try and discredit the messenger so they won’t have to deal with his/her message. The goal is direct attention away from the facts.

Fourth, if all else fails, attack the victim. Let’s not forget that there is a victim in the Jack Schaap scandal. Schaap’s “sin” was not a victimless one. He had sexual relations with a minor in the church. Some media sites are reporting that the girl was being counseled by Schaap. (in Ohio, such a relationship is illegal)

He isn’t kidding either.  I had over 8000 hits on that article in less than 24 hours, and I received some strange comments – good comments – comments from hurt.  At the time of the Jack Schaap scandal they made comments about how they were NOT going to cover things up like the Jerry Sandusky scandal at Penn State.  Its to be expected that people were reeling over this, and at first WISH To be in denial because it HURTS!  How they handled things afterwards?  There truly is no comparison. 

 

One group (Penn State) seemed to own the sin with growing maturity, and the other reminds me of young teenagers. 

 

The type that is shocked they got caught, and deny everything.  Then they move on to how it is NOT that bad, and how others ‘made’ them do it.  They get mad and defensive at the circumstance, and everyone in connection with it.  I have seen this type of behavior time and time again in YOUNG teenagers, and then they come to a fork in the road for their life.  Do they continue such behavior when caught doing something, or do the own their actions. 

Jack Schaap's domino effect, and a note of support for survivors

Last night at Jack Schaap’s former church they had a special church service to inform their members about what is going on.  No doubt some are downright heartbroken, and other’s quite shell shocked.  I doubt Jack Schaap stopped long enough to realize the domino effect this would have on people.

Let’s start with one aspect of the fighting that has already started. 
Move on to Prayers for all involved.
Questions and Issues with David Gibb’s Request to Victims
End with some encouragement and resources.

The fighting has already started!

The fighting over the age of the girl has already started.  The age of this young adult should only matter to the justice system, and should not have any bearing to those lifes Jack Schaap’s touched.   I’m sure some will use the excuse of her legal age presently to downplay the fact even at age 18?  You are still messing with a child.  They would still call her a child after all if this had not happened.  Its no different now.

Some news stories thus far have stated that this act of adultery and/or sexual abuse started when she was 16 or 17 years of age.  The FBI has stepped into it due to the fact he may have crossed state lines with her.  Some IBF boards are stating that Jack Schaap’s secretary drove her there.   It seems that doesn’t make a hill of beans difference at this point.  They fired the secretary as well.  We may never really know what happened completely.

Personally, from my viewpoint?  The real sicko’s are the ones that have already started to blame the girl in question.  When you are that young you don’t know much about the world yet, and especially within the faith bubble.  You have not figured out how to handle the contradicting messages of how men are the authorities, and how you can escape with a ‘no’ while keeping face within your faith community.  Its hard for adults after all even in less serious circumstances! 

Most young adults – experienced in the world or not – have a hard time grappling with circumstances such as these.    Its sad that some would rather live in denial of this known fact when they were dealing with this type of sin, and they feel its time to circle the wagons against the world.  It shows the foundation is not very solid.  Adults are to guide young people for a reason, and when they ignore those reasons when it gets too tough?  When its easier to blame the youth?  Its sad that they choose childish ways, and not be the mature adults they say they are.

In a way…  Their maturity level isn’t much different from the child’s is it?  Their age is the only difference when it comes to being able to throw that blame somewhere else so they don’t have to deal with it.  Its called blame shifting.  I think they are just scared, and obviously unfit.

I’m sure Jack Schaap’s wife and family are reeling about now.  This ton of bricks just came down on their world, and I’m sure they felt they were immune from it.  They had Jack preaching against this type of evil, and placed himself in the position of the ‘go to man’ if you have any questions, issues, or struggle with it.  His wife already had plenty of hurt from the past when her own father had his own scandal, and how she has another one up closer and more personal. 

Personal feelings aside for Jack Schaap?  I have prayed for all of them.  I will admit at first it was only his family, and his church family.  God kept nudging me all day yesterday, and I finally just agreed with him!  (giggles) Funny how that happens?!  I finally prayed for everyone as I know God would wish me too.

Huge Concern about David Gibbs Request

I have a huge concern over the meeting last night at their church.  David Gibbs is the lawyer the church asked to come and speak.  He basically is asking if other victims are present he wants them to come to him at this time.  Some have mentioned they are getting phone calls from the church reminding them of this request.  He is the church’s lawyer and not their counselor.  Red Flags started to fly when I read his quotes from the newspapers.

The police are the first ones that need to be notified, and not David Gibbs.  His first loyalty due to his profession would be to his client – the church.  He was brought there to protect the church.  He isn’t there to protect the victims.  That is not his first priority.  I have a link at the end of the post that explains more of why he isn’t a good ‘go to’ person, and its from the viewpoint of a legal eagle not associated with this scandal.

Mr. Gibbs is the same lawyer that stood by Chuck Phelps during the Tina Anderson trial.  He was there to protect the church then as well.  He wasn’t there to protect Ernie Willis or Tina Anderson.  He wanted to be there in case of trouble for Pastor Phelps, or for Trinity Baptist.

No doubt the church has some legal concerns.  That is why he is there.  I would not recommend victims go to him, because he is legally obligated to be representing his client first and foremost.  That is how the profession works.

The Defense Attorney, (Gibbs) will want to conduct his own investigation.  Gibbs, or an individual called a defense investigator.  A defense investigator works for the defense attorney on the behalf of the accused.
My prosecutor friend warned, “The defense, like the police, may electronically record conversations without the victims knowledge or consent. Defense attorney’s or defense investigators, like police investigators, may legally use deception to obtain information. A victim of a sexual offense who wants no contact with a defense investigator may simply notify the defense investigator orally or in writing. If you are a victim of a sexual  offense, after this notification the defense attorney or the defense investigator may not attempt further contact with [the victim]  unless the victim initiates the contact. – Quote from Chuckles Travels

If victims don’t wish to speak to the police?  They need to find other sources of help OUTSIDE their church family to help them with this.  The church family is shell shocked, and may not be the best place to help.  Its not a cut down – it is what it is.  We are all human.

Jack Schapp Exposed and then Fired!

Anyone remember this man?

This is Jack Schaap, and some may remember him from the 20/20 special that aired regarding Tina Anderson.  Jack Schaap’s attitude was exposed then as far as I’m concerned.

 

For some strange reason – I’m sure narcissism – he decided to do a follow up sermon after that story on 20/20 with additional rants about how he was glad he was a man.

 

When people got upset over it – which he claims WHO CARES – they went around and attempted to scrub this ugly portion of the sermon DOWN off the internet. 

 

Jack Schaap’s transcript is something I wrote out since he was taking down his words of arrogance.  His audience seemed to like it as they hooted and hollered their support from the pews.   The upload of this is on Internet Archive.  This did not get removed.

 

They seem to forget once it is on the internet?  Its almost impossible to scrub it clean completely.

I wouldn't get theology from a woman. I don't mind if mamma teaches the kids, I don't mind a strong lady, and a wise woman, and a gracious godly woman, that follows the lesson and teaching of the pastor.

Hey all you listening to me right now, I still believe it would be a cold day in Hell before i get my theology from a woman. I'm a preacher. Wasn't called papa sin(?).

No woman ever got me involved in ministry. I didn't follow a woman into ministry. A woman didn't write this book. No woman wrote the scriptures right here. A man wrote the Bible -- got it from God. A man hung on the cross. His name is Jesus Christ and God called a man to lead the church here. Hey! I'm glad I'm a man!

So many of you got nervous. Saw the preacher on the news. Praise the Lord the word of God is being quoted. More than some of you're doing about getting the word of god out.

I don't care about being politically correct. I don't care who it hair lips. I don't care if it bothers everybody from the White House, or the old man sitting in the out house. I wanna know what's going on in the church house, and I'm the messenger of the church.

This man of God (cough) has been fired this week due to his own ‘sexual sin’.  The hints of a story started on Facebook this morning, and honestly I wasn’t sure if it was true or not.  By this afternoon it was in the newspapers.

 

 

Jack Schaap has been dismissed from his church.

 

The note on facebook seems to be true, although I’m sure more details will surface in time. 

 

Here is what the facebook note stated:

 

I need to get the word out there...Jack Schaap, Pastor of First Baptist Church in Hammond was fired from his pastorate for beign a pedophile and raping a teen girl. She is under the legal age. She is a bus kid. She began counseling for sexual abuse. She took advantage of her. He preyed on her. He raped her. He's a filthy pervert. He is a corrupt, evil pedophile. He was caught while the youth conference because he left his cell phone on the pulpit. A deacon picked up the phone and saw a photo which she had just texted him of them in a sexual encounter. This is not hear-say. This information is from the police. He will be prosecuted. And if anyone is withholding information, they will be prosecuted as well. He's a RAPIST. He is a CHILD MOLESTER. He is a PEDOPHILE. We must take a stand!!! Silence breeds this behavior. Let's use our voice and support those who know what happened ... they need to tell everything to the police. Lets stand by the bus kid he abused. Let's not tolerate people in authority to rape children. We are suppose to be christians and we need to have righteous indignation!!! Jack Schaap is a pervert, he raped a teen, he's a pedophile, committed adultery, liar, deceiver, sex offender, predator, corrupt, power hungry, and should be in prison. And if we do what's right, he will be in prison and will not be able to prey on any more young girls. Please get the word out there. We need to stand together as one. Stand up for this girl. Stand up for those who know all the details and the police are questioning. They need to tell the truth and we will rally behind them.

It seems this church has learned something from the whole Chuck Phelps and Tina Anderson mess.  So far they don’t seem to be ‘hiding’ anything, and have involved the police.  What other’s have said?  Jack Schaap and his family have indeed left town, and he was due to preach this evening.

 

I hope they do NOT make excuses for this man.  Goodness knows we saw enough attempting to justify everything from Tina’s rape to Chuck Phelps handling of the case.  Those justifications make them look like fools, and so far it seems they seem to be doing the right thing.

 

What seems ironic is that Jack Schaap’s just did some strange sermon on, ‘What Mom and Dad Don’t Know Will Hurt Him’.  He was basically talking ugly about teenagers, and how he is the modern day Dr. Spock for the parents at this time.  Bleck!

”And I’ll look at the person and say, who ya sleeping with? Your kid’s problem(s) isn’t, the, did you see how short her skirt is, no, the problem is, she takes her skirt, and everything else off. Your kids are coming to me and telling me they have sexual experiences in the hundreds; hundreds; hundreds.”

As most of his sermons are currently being scrubbed from the internet as we speak?  You have to wonder if a bit of projection wasn’t going on there.

 

Presently David Gibbs, official lawyer for scandal ridden fundamentalist churches, is flying in for damage control.

 

Let’s hope they continue down the right path.  You just know this is going to be bad.  There will be plenty of people hurt.

 

My prayers are with them.

 

First Baptist Church of Hammond Pastor Jack Schaap fired amid investigation

 

Hammond Baptist dismisses pastor for 'sin'

 

We Love You, those that are Victim(s) of Jack Schaap

 

Jack Schaap of the Independent Fundamental Baptist Church Dismissed And Sheriff's Office Investigation Ensues

Respect My Authority!

I had a neighbor years ago that just LOVED to giggle at Cartman from South Park.  I have watched the show a couple of times, and yes it is for mature audiences.   The show lampoons reality for some, and yes it is satire.

 

Cartman is loud, obnoxious, racist and obese—is often portrayed as an antagonist whose has a anti-Semitic attitude.  He is a child of a single mother, and she oozes the meek and mild attitude of ‘how women are to be’ attitude.  On the other hand, she also represents an extreme model of free love if you catch my drift!  Cartman tends to be in denial about the one side of his mother, and yet loves to control and manipulate the other side.

People tend to giggle at Cartman because he is one to demand you respect his authority, and yet you see the loud, obnoxious and immature boy that doesn’t have much to respect.

 

I found this description of him: Cartman is frequently portrayed as an antagonist or villain whose actions set in motion the events serving as the main plot of an episode. Other children and classmates are alienated by Cartman's insensitive, sexist, racist, homophobic, anti-sematic, lazy, misogynistic, self-righteous, and wildly insecure behavior, but are occasionally influenced by his obtrusive, manipulative, and propagandist antics.

Okay.  I have to admit there are some in the church to me that represent Cartman to a tea!    Jack Schaap we wrote about within the last couple of months, and YES his attitude is the extreme case of what I’m talking about.  You remember how he started his ‘holy’ tirade?

ABC news called me this week and said "We heard that you believe that men should be in charge of their wives"
I said, "No sir, I didn't say that. I said God said that. He said husbands are the head of the wife."
I said, "You got a problem with what I said when I'm quoting the Bible, then maybe you should take it up with God."
He said, "Do you think that's appropriate?"
I said, "Son, anything God says is appropriate. I think you better get that straight right now."
I never apologize for standing where God stands. I never worry standing where God stands. Somebody says, "You know what they are going to say about you?"
Pffft, who cares?
Stand in line, pick a number, slob!
Get you little squirt gun out and squirt away.
Bigger things to worry about. Heaven, Hell, life, death.

Does anyone doubt that such a man would also love to scream out, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!”

 

David J. Stewart wrote an article that I picked apart many years ago.  He was asked about divorcing an abusive spouse.

Interestingly, and sadly, all we see on the internet and in society today is talk about domestic violence; but NEVER do we hear anything about statistics on wives who refuse to obey their husbands. It is evil. It is just as sinful for a wife to frustrate her husband through insubordination and disobedience as it is for a man to commit domestic violence. I am not lessening the sin of domestic violence, I am emphasizing the sin of wives who rebel against their husbands by not being obedient. I realize this is ancient mentality to feminists today; but it is 100% Biblical doctrine. A wife is expected by God to obey her husband. Feminists are eagerly willing to crucify abusive husbands; BUT they won't even address the issue of wives who disobey, mistreat, and frustrate their husbands. It takes two to tango.

Does anyone doubt that such a man would also love to scream out, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!”

 

Reb Bradley wrote an article about Emotional Abuse and Marriage.

Let us remember that the apostles who gave us God's commands were themselves the victims of severe emotional and physical abuse. They, like Pastor Richard Wurmbrand, endured torture beyond anything we have ever seen. In his books, Pastor Wurmbrand describes his 14 years in a Romanian prison at the hands of communist torturers. His love and compassion for his torturers testifies of the assurance we have as Christians that we too can selflessly love our wives and husbands.

Certainly if those tortured on a daily basis can see the good that comes from suffering, then we as minimally suffering, soft Americans can handle the opportunities for growth that come our way through the difficulties of marriage. If we are able to cease our "giving to get" mentality and begin simply "giving" we would finally be able enjoy the fulfillment that comes from loving selflessly in the image of Christ.

Mr. Bradley feels that you came into marriage to ‘get’ instead of serve. You must be like Pastor Warmbrand, and have love and compassion for your abuser as you stay and be tortured.  If you can’t your to soft!

 

Does anyone doubt that such a man would also love to scream out, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!”