Jesus is Savior site - Divorce an Abusive Spouse?

Link to Article

First off I'm going to assume this author's heart is in the right place, but I clearly see some red flags in his understanding of abuse!

I wrote before about one of his articles, and he changed this one from what he was saying in past. He toned down the feminist rant a bit, but clearly still doesn't truly get it! His lack of knowledge of what abuse is, and the dynamics, mindsets is very clear!

Interestingly, and sadly, all we see on the internet and in society today is talk about domestic violence; but NEVER do we hear anything about statistics on wives who refuse to obey their husbands. It is evil. It is just as sinful for a wife to frustrate her husband through insubordination and disobedience as it is for a man to commit domestic violence. I am not lessening the sin of domestic violence, I am emphasizing the sin of wives who rebel against their husbands by not being obedient. I realize this is ancient mentality to feminists today; but it is 100% Biblical doctrine. A wife is expected by God to obey her husband. Feminists are eagerly willing to crucify abusive husbands; BUT they won't even address the issue of wives who disobey, mistreat, and frustrate their husbands. It takes two to tango.

Hmmmmm. Most would think he is claiming that domestic violence happens because the wife isn't obeying her husband. That is my first red flag. First off as most know by now I don't believe that DV just happens to women - it happens to men as well! To many people tend to think that someone has to push other's buttons in order to get an explosion with people that have issues with being abusive.

What the author doesn't seem to understand is a spouse can come home to a perfect house, and his slippers, newspaper and clicker to the TV waiting for him with perfectly groomed and silent children - and he will still blow his top! Abuse is not about disobedience of the other spouse! Abuse is the issue of the one abusing, and their root cause is inside of them! If people are stating that their abuse is due to NOT obeying your husband, or not loving your wife enough.......they clearly missed the boat! They also are doing an awful injustice to both parties!

The author missed the part about how the husband’s are to love their wives unconditionally. EVEN if she doesn’t ‘obey’ him! Why talk about the EVIL's of not obeying your husband, and NOT be submissive enough when the article title speaks of divorcing due to abuse?? He isn't off to a good start that is for sure! The first thing most people do is remind everyone involved of God's love and redemptive grace offered to everyone! NOT ONCE was this mentioned in the article!

Please understand that I believe a wife who is being physically abused should leave if she feels threatened; but not divorce. Such a wife needs to sincerely ask herself "why" her husband is being abusive--there's ALWAYS a reason. Some husbands are abusive; but 90% of all divorces are needlessly caused by a sinfully proud wife who causes grief for her husband, and he gets mad. A wife who refuses to be submissive causes the marriage to become a two-headed monster. Someone's got to be in charge, or there will be continual conflict. Ideally, a husband and wife should work together on everything; however, in those situations where there is a conflict, the wife is commanded by God to submit to her husband.

What this author is asking the wife is to read the man's mind as to WHY they are abusive! Men and Women that are abusive have issues deep down inside, and the reasons they are abusive doesn't justify anything! Common sense would tell most people that others have asked themselves NUMBEROUS times WHY their spouse is abusive! I mean COME ON - who WOULDN'T! Abuse is not about a sinfully proud wife who causes her husband to get mad! Most of the time spouses are silent about the sins of their spouse, and they walk around on eggshells TRYING to do anything possible not to set them off! This author is almost insinuating that women do this either on purpose (causing someone to be abusive), pushing their buttons to MAKE them do it, or they are not doing their biblical duty so their spouse is abusive towards them. I find it strange that this author doesn't step near the fact that the one that is abusive is clearly broken.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Women and Men are heirs together, and it is clear in this passage that the husband must treat the wife with honor otherwise his prayers will be hindered. I would think the author would be more worried about that than the feminist’s out there! It doesn’t matter WHAT he thinks they are doing to this poor man - the man is responsible for his actions – and provoking him to anger isn’t a loophole out of it!

Ephesians 5:22 commands a wife to obey her husband as unto Jesus Christ, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." How many wives today obey this Biblical command? It would be like looking for a needle in a haystack to find such a woman today in America. No wonder Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 7:28, "One man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found." Solomon couldn't find one woman, out of all his wives and the women he had known, whom he could trust with all his heart. There were many feminists in Solomon's time, just as there are today. Listen to what Solomon had to say about the rebellious feminists of his own time ... "And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her." What a contrast from the virtuous wife of Proverb 31:28 ... "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." Which type of woman are you? What does your husband (or X-husband) have to say about you? God knows, and He does care, and you will have to give account for your laziness, carelessness, lies, deceitfulness, maliciousness, etc. You will give full account to God for all your words and actions.

Do you see the ignorance or naive mindset here? This author is clearly cutting down most women, and stating most women can't do their biblical end of the marriage right! What I notice is that he spends MORE time with "obeying' your husband, and being 'submissive' to him than he does addressing the abuse casted upon the wife! I'm sure he would tell men that get abused that they need to step up and be the MAN in the family - almost hinting that they have an issue with manhood. What a bunch of junk!

The man he speaks about in his article is to love his wife unconditionally, and the fact he abuses their spouse the author will admit that is sinful - but clearly blames another party for that action indirectly! Is that what scripture tells people? "WELL if you were that needle in the haystack - you wouldn't have this issue!" HUH?? What the author forgets to mention is that the man in his article will also be given the chance to give account for his actions, and if they truly feels that God will tell him, "I know your wife wasn't the best in the biblical department! I understand – you’ve been pasted the "GO" ahead button in my book! Sins excused over a rebellious women!" he has GOT to be kidding me! The man has responsibilities also - matter of fact MORE responsibilities than the woman..and when he clearly TROMPS on them its the wife's fault because he didn't do her end good enough? LOL Come on! God is NOT about blame shifting Mr. Author!

I'm not saying that someone has a right to abuse us; I am saying that we will put up with someone if we love them, and will work to find a better way to reconcile the situation then to take the easy way out through a divorce. To the feminist, divorce is no big deal (just as they think murderously aborting children is no big deal). As a Christian, I don't understand that mentality. I thought marriage was supposed to be about LOVE, between two people, forever. I'll tell you right now, I love my wife and wouldn't divorce her in a million years. She may one day divorce me; but it will be her doing and not mine. I love my wife, despite her faults and shortcomings. If Jesus was willing to suffer and endure the cross for my sins, then I should be willing to do the same for my own wife. Is this not what Ephesians 4:31-32 teaches? ... "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

I see the last piece of scripture, and I notice that he doesn't POINT that in the direction of the abusive spouse! He points it in the direction of the abused! This author does also tend to spend WAY too much time on what a feminist is! Unless you agree with what he is stating - you are the ugly word! I have read letter after letter of how the abused spouse LOVES the abusive one! That they bend over backwards to do things for them so they may feel loved and respected in return. That is a very common trait, and yet their author has by passed this and used blame instead. The man is also to give LOVE towards the women (or man if they are abused) also, and if you are abused doesn't mean you didn't LOVE them good enough!

He contradicts himself when he claims that FIRST women should run to safety if abused - but not divorce....then above states that loving them is putting up with it! "You will put up with someone if we love them" Since when does scripture state that people are to TOLERANT sin? Where in scripture does it state PUT UP WITH sin? The thing is that calling people out about their abusive ways - finding them someone to help them be accountable - standing in the light and stating the truth about the abusive behavior is what God asks of his people! You don't do the above with vindictiveness in your heart! You do this out of love for your spouse, and pray for his brokenness to be healed! The abused spouse also needs a different kind of help, and their brokenness to be healed as well! Abusive men will need counseling, and he will need encouragement of other Godly men to follow him along this path to help and support him! NOT tell him well your wife is complaining too much because we all know she is a feminist! The victimized parties need help as well - and YES that also includes the children within the union! The author tends to twist the spirit behind that scripture also! He needs to spend more time talking about the rebuking of these men, and the 'boundary' among other issues with the wife! They need to be separate until such time they are both healthy enough to be together! I'm sure the author would say ONLY a couple of weeks MAX! To me this author doesn't have much faith in the man's side the equation in all of this! That is so sad! I know there are many men out there that would be outraged at this article! Running from abusive spouse has NOTHING to do with feminism! LOL! We are talking about two separate issues here!

I hate to tell this author, but an abusive spouse would just LOVE this article! What an awesome tool to use against his spouse in his future campaigns! "SEE! I was right and YOU are just a FEMINIST!" I highly doubt that was the author's intent, but it is clear as a bell!

I receive quite a few letters from people--who demonize their spouse, seeking to alleviate their own guilt because they CHOSE to divorce. Here's another letter I recently received from an angry wife...

Hi I read your article on divorce and I see what the bible says, but my daughter will have nothing to do with me unless this person is gone out of my life he is not their father and she is 18 my son 14. Does god really intend for us to live and keep forgiving and putting our families through a hell with a person that calls me a cunt, whore, etc - breaks my things, forbids me to see certain people ,and he may even kill me one day. I was ready to up and leave to save myself and show my daughter that I did not choose her over this bastard but what now? how can you worship and praise the lord when you are dying inside from a person like this?

Denise *****

The fact that Denise calls her husband a "bastard" is evidence that she is not so perfect herself. Romans 3:23 states ... "There is NONE righteous, no not one." The truth is that people who seek divorce usually look for reasons to JUSTIFY their actions. It is frightening, but true, that people are able to justify anything if they really want to. This is why homosexuals, fornicators, witches, abortionists, feminists, and those who divorce are all trying to JUSTIFY their sinful deeds with the Bible. It is evil to twist the Bible in an attempt to condone sin (Romans 1:25).

The fact that this author never addressed the actions she mentioned shows that he clearly doesn't wish to speak about the sitution! He speaks about twisting scripture, and yet that is what he is doing! I don't agree with the name calling either, but the fact that he ignored the issues she wrote about - never offered a solution or compromise! Never acknowledged the abuse she mentioned in her letter - went off into some rant about people just looking to JUSTIFY their actions clearly shows this author hasn't got a clue! What about the daugther Mr. Author? What about her concerns?

I mean the fact he never addressed the issues she brought up and focused on the word 'bastard' and pretty much ignored the rest shows how he is condoning sin and twisting scripture as well! You want to admonish the use of the word - FINE! Do that, but you must also address her concerns! Stating, "she isn't perfect either" solves ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! LOL Doesn't even go near anything of substance either!

Either you love your husband or you don't. If you don't, then you need to get right with God yourself. If you do love him, then you'll stay with him and HONOR your wedding vows ... "'Til death do us part." We are living in a nation of liars. LOVE finds a way to make a relationship work, it doesn't look for EXCUSES to get out and move on. America is without a doubt the most SELFISH nation on earth. The chump change we give to the poor is nothing compared to what we spend on ourselves. Americans spend $50,000,000,000 a year on gambling alone, and even more than that on pornography. America has NO right to ask for God's blessing. We are a nation of baby murderers, liars, cheats, gossipers, and quitters! I'm not being unkind; but divorce is a quitters way out. If you want to get mad at me, go ahead; but the next man (or woman) you meet won't be perfect either.

What has all that got to do with anything??? Fine - he has opinions on the world, but again NEVER addresses the issue of the article! Just states that if you love your spouse enough you will stay. If you leave - WELL you know the label by now!

He is being VERY unkind to spouses that have endured abuse - gender doesn't matter! He spends so much time on 'unconditional' love, and his defination of it! To bring the issues into the light, enforcing the fact that people that abuse need help, victims need another type of help - and you wont' return until action starts IS LOVE! You are asking your spouse to STEP up, and face their demons that will ruin their life now and forever! What the heck is wrong with that?

He never speaks of the fact that God loves us all, and that God is a loving God that will help you with your burdens! He will guide you into the light, and he will help you with the suffering you may have to endure doing just that! There is NO HOPE that I felt in this article, and that is pure shameful!

They are sinfully divorcing their spouse, and have gained the emotional support of several neoevangelical deadbeat ministries; BUT, now they've found my article exposing the sin of divorce and are upset. They write me in an attempt to convince me why they're doing the right thing. Folks, divorce is never right. What if God quit on us? ... the same way so many people quit on their spouse? Hebrews 13:5 promises that God will never leave nor forsake us, "...for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." This is the standard for us to follow. I cannot understand how anyone could ever file for divorce from someone they love, no matter how abusive that person might be. I am NOT condoning abuse, I am simply saying that love will never fail if it is true love (1st Corinthians 13:8). All marriages have problems; but divorce is never an answer.

I have to admit this portion did make me giggle a bit! I'm sure a lot of people also wrote him stating he clearly missed the boat when it comes to abuse ALONE also! Notice he never mentioned that! Instead uses name-calling towards other ministries that aren't calling people FEMINIST - and shaming them into staying with an unrepentant spouse! I guess I could turn his words around, and mention he also never mentioned a DARN thing wrong with him either! He always goes there in this article, "Did you notice she never mentioned something negative about herself?" LOL Well Mr. Author where is your negative? I must have missed that part! You need to apply that yourself as well!

Loving their spouse to death isn't going to FIX the abusive nature of ANY spouse! Counseling, fellowship and reminding them of God's love - and constant support if they accept that will open doors for everyone! Shaming people isn't going to work!

I'm a hell-deserving sinner just like anyone else. I am just as guilty of messing up sometimes as anyone else. BUT, right is right and wrong is wrong, and we must never allow our own personal feelings to confuse the two. I did not write this article to deliberately hurt anyone's feelings, and I certainly have no right to tell you your business; BUT, I am taking a stand for God against the sin of divorce. The Bible tells us in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away." In nearly all divorces, the husband and wife BOTH have their own side of the story as to who's to blame. Usually, they blame each other. God will weigh the matter on judgment day, and the truth will come out. The wife who accuses her husband of "abuse" will be held accountable for all the things she did to provoke her husband, and she will be judged accordingly. It's the same morons who call spanking a child "abuse" who are attacking and labeling husbands as being "abusive."

LOL We must never allow our own personal feelings to confuse things huh? I think the world knows a feminist labeler and hater when they read one! Someone is clearly stating his own personal feelings LOUD and CLEAR! LOL! God will also weight the matter on judgement day, and the husband who abused with be held accountable for his actions - provoking isn't an excuse Mr. Author! I mean COME ON! LOL Provoking is handed to husbands as an 'out 'clause? YOU WISH! Again he makes some sweeping generalizations, and NEVER gets down to the meat and potatoes of the issue of abuse! How sadly naive, and I feel sorry for him once he comes to judgment day and tries to tell GOD that PROVOKING is an excuse! WOW! is he in trouble! OH OH!! I'm sorry and SHE didn't OBEY and wasn't SUBMISSIVE enought! LOL Like that will FLY to excuse the abusive spouses actions, or the justification per this author!

The term "abuse" has been greatly twisted nowadays. Every God-hating feminist in the country is still trying to use the O.J. Simpson case to demonize men. Men who track their wife's time are now considered "abusive." Biblically, a husband has every right to tract his wife's time and whereabouts. God told Eve that Adam would RULE OVER her (Genesis 3:16). This does not justify abuse, it just means that the wife is to submit to her husband's control and authority. Feminists hate the very concept of obeying any man, and have consequently labeled such Biblically authoritative husbands as "abusive." Nothing could be further from the truth.

This man clearly misunderstands the biblical role of a husband! There is nothing wrong with asking about the where abouts, etc of a spouse - but he clearly doesn't understand what a step to far in this type of situation is clearly about. The bible doesn't tell the man he has a right to run his household with an iron fist! Yet I get the impression he is stating that men don't have to justify anything! We RULE OVER YOU women, and we will decide what 'loving you' means! There is a type of 'authoritative' husband that God would not condone Mr. Author!

It is wrong to divorce an abusive spouse (wife or husband). You may need to leave, and be apart for a while; but divorce is no answer. I am NOT condoning abuse of any kind; but the term "abuse" has been greatly misconstrued to include such ridiculous things as a husband wanting to know where his wife is going, and when she's coming back. I agree wholeheartedly with Mrs. John R. Rice (wife of the great evangelist Dr. John R. Rice), who said that 90% of all divorces is the wife's fault, because God created the wife to be a HELP MEET for her husband (Genesis 2:18). The wife's ministry IS her husband! Many woman pluck their marriages down to the ground (Proverb 14:1). A husband has a Biblical God-given RIGHT to RULE OVER his wife (Genesis 3:16). I find that in many cases when a wife leaves her husband, she involves all sorts of strangers in the marriage, and they are quick to give heathen advice (such as encouraging a divorce). Very few husbands will compromise with a wife who tries to force him to do things her way.

WOW! According to God the husband has more duties/roles within the marriage, and yet this author and Mr. Rice claim 90% of the issues with marriages fall on the wife’s. Okay then. I guess the men in this world are doing everything right huh? Abusive husbands FORCE their wife’s into a lot of things, and compromise over anything ISN'T and has NEVER been part of the relationship Sir! You are placing too much empathizes on RULEING OVER THE WIFE - than you are on the actual ROLES of the husband within the marriage! The husband has a ministry also doesn't he? Being a bully and reminding her of HER duties is not the husband's job! That SIR is between her and GOD!

The bible speaks of fellowship does it not? Just because they believe he is wrong in his actions doesn't mean they ENCOURAGE divorce! My goodness!

So instead of the wife calling her husband, and giving him a chance to work things out, she instead just files for divorce. This is wickedness. Most women who file for divorce don't give their husband an honest chance to make things right. It's always some lame excuse like, "He's had plenty of chances." That is sinful pride! What if God said that about you? You'd be in Hell. You CANNOT show me even one Scripture in the Word of God that gives anyone permission to divorce because of abuse. And may I say, the Bible does not permit divorce for adultery either. So let us be forgiving, and humble ourselves before God, and be willing to follow in Christ's footsteps ... "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows ... But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:3-5).

WOW now this gentleman is saying that most women don't know what they are doing! I'm sorry but reading this article I don't feel any humble nature, forgiveness, empathy or concern towards parties within abusive relationships. I see shaming them into fixing it unless you want 'labels' he is more than willing to hand them! SHAME ON YOU!!

When people spend too much time on casting stones you truly need to take a second look at things! "Obey", "Submit", "Feminism" are used WAY too much in this article! Women are to do these actions out of duty to the Lord, and not be constantly reminded and forced upon them - that is called coercion and is NOT of GOD! The fact this man tells these women,” You could be provoking HIM!" as an excuse is downright evil!

People are going to suffer when they bring abuse into the light of truth - whether they divorce or NOT from judgments such as this! It seems this author thinks most abuse is imaginary or something in most cases! When he speaks about the accountability of the spouse’s time, etc - doesn't go into examples of the extreme measures people deal with! Its one element of the power and control they crave within the relationship. That alone doesn't make things abusive - its one portion! I mean DAHHHHHHH! Come ON!

Where is the part that God will admonish men for their wicked behavior towards their wives? Where is the part that men and women are coheirs in grace, and that both parties are suppose to deal with each other with love and respect? Where is the part if they DON’T they prayers will be rendered? Where is the part that women need to find a support system to help them with this time in their life, and help them make difficult decisions? Where is the part that Godly men need to come along side of this abusive man to help him see what God expects of him as a husband? Where is the reminder of God’s love for all of us? LOL even Feminist’s! (Sorry I had to throw that in)

Do you know what I find the strangest? He writes an article geared towards the abusive spouse. Its also very simplistic in nature, and clearly shows his ignorance of the mindset…….but he doesn’t spend near as much time YELLING at them! LOL!

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