I read this article by
Reb Bradleycalled tough love. According to Mr. Bradley Tough Love isn't for husbands. Why? It gets in the way of leadership. You are upsurping leadership if you do this with your husband. I would assume it would be okay for men, because they don't have that issue biblically.
An answer to this question can be deduced based on the Bible’s principles related to marriage and divorce. For a wife to go against her husband's desires and leave him, would require that she forsake her biblical responsibility to submit to his authority. Such a wife may justify her separation by claiming she is simply following Christ's example -- he set boundaries and "drew lines" of behavior for his followers, and that is what she is doing for her husband. But such a wife misconstrues her calling to be Christ-like -- she is called to be like Jesus in character, not in authority. In fact, the Bible tells her specifically that she is not to be like Christ in the exercise of authority, but to be like the Church who submits to Christ's authority (Eph 5:24).
Biblically his desires should be one of service to his family. If he is biblically serving his family with what they need - not what he THINKS they need it wouldn't be an issue! You see husband's can't dictate WHAT other's feel they need. God wires them a certain way, and husband's have no authority there! Good leadership listens to its followers, and when they feel strongly about something they attempt some sort of compromise. What I say goes since I'm the man isn't biblical! Don't look to the worldly defination look to the bible!
Having others respect your personal boundaries is NOT unbiblical!
It seems to me if the man was upholding his role within the relationship there would be no reason for 'Tough Love'. Its so strange how certain men can just twist scripture enough so that they can basically strip the woman's sense of self respect completely away.
He speaks of how women are called to be Christlike, but make sure you don't cross that line! True Godly men don't need that sense of control as Reb Bradley speaks of because they get it automatically from their family. God wired women to desire their husbands, and wish to serve them. In Genesis when it spoke of how men will rule you it wasn't some prize that God was handing men. Reb Bradley uses it as a prize - shame on you! You are to love your bride as Christ loved the church, and smashing her self respect and tieing her hands behind her back because MEN of your sort will not help so that his soul and his prayers are not hindered is what okay in the eyes of God? There are men that will be turned around from the behavior in which you speak, and there are those that never will be. There are those that are turned around by tough love, and you feel that God is not pleased with that?
A woman may even claim she is simply being a helpmate trying to help her husband repent. However, God does not allow those under authority to change the ones in authority by disobeying them. A wife, therefore, has no biblical permission to act outside her husband's authority, or to rebel against him, even if her intention is to coerce him to repent. Quite to the contrary, God specifically commands the wives of disobedient husbands to behave with respect and submissiveness toward them, which He says can win them over. Speaking through Peter, God tells women, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not obey the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." 1 Peter 3:1-6 NIV/NRSV
Excuse me but if the woman wishes to try 'tough love' common sense would tell a person she has already tried to get her man to repent. Where is the call to justice for this women in the sense of accountability? I guess a man doesn't have to worry about that either. A man's role is to show the biblical role of leadership. That doesn't what he seems to think it does. Biblical leadership means service - not being the dictator!
Lets look at Matthew 23 for a minute shall we?
They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.
Jesus is speaking of the Pharisees of course. Telling the crowd that YES these men do know scripture, but they have no clue what leadership really is. They add to the load of men, and do not lift a finger to help them. They are arrogant, prideful, conceited people. Jesus warns people NOT to be like them!
Jesus states, "The greatest among you will be your servant."
The way Reb Bradley tells women to stay in their place, and yet ignores that men are to be servants as well........kind of makes him a hypocrite as well. Where is his stern warnings to these men? Where is the advice to these women to find some Godly man to come along side of him - TO SAVE HIS SOUL! You see Mr. Bradley even if a woman did follow your advice, and her husband didn't turn from his evil ways - his soul is lost! His soul is MUCH more important that your defination of LEADERSHIP and AUTHORITY within the home! His soul is at stake and his 'helpmate' is asked to tie her hands behind her back, and NOT really be a helpmate! You are asking for her to enable his evil so you have your vision of leadership that clearly goes against scripture. Prayer is powerful, but God gave us other tools he wishes us to use. You seem to ignore that. If she can't use tough love - what are you doing to help her husband and save his soul? You also have a responsibility to him! Remember a SOUL is at stake!
The wife who threatens to divorce her husband "unless he changes," should consider that her ultimatum places her in charge of the relationship.
No it does NOT!
23 Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices— mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law— justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practised the latter, without neglecting the former.
24 You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.
25 Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.
26 Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
YES your words clean the outside, but leave the dirty insides alone!
No longer is she under his authority -- by her demands she assumes his position of leadership and attempts to take control of him. If her exertion of authority is submitted to by her husband, he becomes accountable to her, and she presides as the judge of his sincerity, sitting in constant evaluation of his performance.
Nonsense! Use Jesus's defination of leadership and authority Mr. Reb Bradley!
10 Nor are you to be called 'teacher', for you have one Teacher, the Christ.
11 The greatest among you will be your servant.
12 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.
13-14
Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.
If he followed scripture and was that servant to his family there would be no need for threats. Men can be fools look in proverbs, and if they are show me in scripture when you must follow that fool in his folly? How about helping this woman get her man right with God so that his soul will be saved! The scripture in Peter also states that if he doesn't not honor is wife as the coheir in grace that his prayers are hindered as well. WHY do you ignore that portion? Is that not more important? His prayers are hindered and you are more worried about his leadership being upsurped! Get your priorities STRAIGHT!
She has made fulfillment of her own wifely duties conditional upon her husband's behavior, and at some point must give up her superior role and resubmit herself to his authority, until such time that she deems it necessary to reassume control and force him to repent again. Although such a wife may succeed in coercing her husband to wake up and begin working harder to please her, she will find herself unable to have a balanced, biblical relationship with him, because she remains the one in control. Can a healthy, biblical marital relationship be gained by venturing outside biblical marital roles? Should that wife expect to enjoy God's blessings when she resists His plans so strongly!? She most definitely will not! Those who believe that acts of "tough love" can successfully stir husbands to genuine repentance may see some change, but the fruit born will not be of eternal quality.
Coercing him? My goodness! Do you not believe in people turning from their evil ways, and turning their sights to God's way? Mr. Bradley you give men way to much in the sense of worldly authority. There are plenty of people on this earth that received some tough love, and they turned back to God. You are stating this can't count, because it must be coercion. WOW so little faith in the Lord's ways since people are custom - as he made them! The path to the light is different for everyone, and we are not all placed in one box. Open your mind and your heart! The ultimate authority doesn't NOT belong to husbands - it belongs to GOD! We should be rejoicing in this husband's turning back to God, and NOT calling NON eternal quality Fruit!
You have to much concentration on control. Husband's are NOT in control - God is! God uses all kinds of tools to those that know him to help others. God does not wish people's hands to be tied as you do. If a man came back to the fold as a Godly man - you have no right to mininize his journey to get there! Husband's are to be servants to their families, and there are different definations of that - just like their are families. If husband's are to serve their families - the must listen to what they say they need. We are talking within reason here, and not some codependent type of thing here!
MY goodness! He is telling people if a wife gets her husband to get right with God it doesn't count! She doesn't remain in control because she was never in control - GOD IS! Why are people so threatened by boundaries? What is so awful about respecting other's boundaries that they need of basic HUMAN respect? A man should have this but a woman isn't because she may be stepping out of her place. YESH! To me Reb Bradley has no little faith in the repentance of Godly men! They don't need to given to others in the form of guidance and accountability. Women are handed this hit or miss - and if you man acts evil WELL don't attempt to show or guide him in anyway. Its not your place. Those that did turn from their evil ways due to 'tough love' in this example - well GUYS that turnaround didn't count according to Mr. Bradley. It won't be seen as GOOD in the eyes of God. You see God can only use women's prayers and acts of submission in order for things to truly count in his book. What a crock Reb Bradley! Instead of all your scolding maybe you can give them a recipe of what a true Godly man is, and show men how to have accountability. You see tough love is a consquence of his evil actions. She wouldn't have to do that if he was following scripture. Authority does NOT have the defination of the worldly type! Your defination is worldly! Authority is to be humble and have a sense of service towards his family. WAKE UP!
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