Poem about Emotional Abuse

Poem about Emotional Abuse

In light of Domestic Violence Awareness Month I went back to a poem on emotional abuse, sexual abuse that I wrote one night.  I look at the date of the post - 11/15/07 - and realize how far my life has come.

I wrote it from personal experiences, and those that you hear about often from others.  I have goggle hits on this poem about domestic violence since that date.  It was time of great hurt, frustration, and feelings of being lost.  Why am I the only one that doesn't get it type of thing.

From what I remember about that time I was struggling with how to deal with rages, and then later the push for closeness afterwards.  There was never any discussion, remorse, repentance.  It was the old - forgive and forget.  Act like nothing happened, and lets just go to bed.  If we have to do it another way?  The rage would start again.

I was on a faith board, and a abuse board at the time.  I had been ripped to shreds at the faith board.  I had be told to forgive 7 x 70, and yet the habitual behavior couldn't addressed because it made him mad.  The fact it angered him was enough for them to feel it needs to be left alone.

People too often try to combine trust and forgiveness.  That combination is not a God thing, but a human one.  Its used when they don't know how to deal with evil, and quite frankly don't wish to either.  The result may not fill their formula for a 'happy ending', and fill their testimony wall.

Forgiveness is for the person, and it can bring so much healing.  Trust may never return for a number of reasons.  The two aren't connected no matter how much people want them to be.

There are circumstances in which parties can earn their trust back, but there has to be much humility.  Its not on their time line after all - if there is pressure it takes you back to square one.  It can happen of course.

Then there are times in which trust may never be a good option in certain circumstances.  You can forgive a pedophile, but you wouldn't have them babysit. Its also acceptable to NOT have them in your life anymore as well.  That is just one example of course - you I'm sure can think of others.

Life is full of custom parts and pieces.  God's word is able to work with that. God created our world full of custom parts and pieces after all.

Yes, change can happen when two people are committed and willing to do the work.  Its hard for both parties, but honestly at times I think it is harder for the abusive party.

They have a hard time seeing 'what is in it for them' when they are pretty much get everything now (as they see it anyway) their way.  They have a strange way of not dealing with the pain they are in, and the pain they cause others.  They see no incentive.  When there is no incentive?  Think of the mindset here .... why would they bother?

The one line in the poem, 'You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you love' was mentioned to me at the time.  It struck me right between the eyes.  So often you see that happen - be it in churches, or marriages.  You don't have intimacy with intimidation, fear, guilt, manipulation.  They are polar opposites, and yet are encouraged way to often to make things work.

Domestic violence, emotional abuse, sexual abuse are soul crushing experiences.  When I finally had the courage to ask for help?  I told the counselor I wanted my "ME" back.  I lost myself completely, and I would NOT be able to help anything or anyone until 'SHE' returned.  (giggles) Of course a new and improved ME that is!

When you read you can see how people can be completely lost within the realm of abuse.

Thank you Lord for being with me all these years, and helping me find that NEW me!  Thank you for helping me see things more clear, and for giving me the courage to step out
despite my fear.  Thank you for helping me see that I'm not a 'bad' person in anyway, because I see error when others refuse too.  If that makes me a rebel?  THANK YOU For helping me a REBEL!  My journey is not done, and I know you will be there with me for the rest of it.  Thank you for making me feel loved...

Who Do They Think They Are?

I’m getting so sick and tired of these church leaders telling others that they are hurting Christ in some way by doing what they can define as some ‘sin’.  Notice these ‘sins’ might not be in the bible – nor even hinted at – but they make up some pet sin anyway.

Their words are sweet, and the tone is so mellow as they chant their poison to others.  They basically are preaching hate, and this should be non existent in our places of worship.

Did you ever notice that some circles ALWAYS see the ‘worse’ in everyone except themselves?  It seems taking the speck out of their own eye prior to dealing with the log in someone else’s ONLY applies when they feel it does. 

Who do they think they are?

Should I leave my church?

What a personal question, and I’m sorry I feel is a personal answer as well.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?  by Albert Mohler

I will admit that some reasons people leave a church are rather baffling, but everyone needs to find a church (if they feel draw to belong to one) that feeds them in a profitable way.  What I mean by that is DO THEY bring you closer to Christ, and feed your soul to live for him?!    If they can’t reach you?  They can’t feed you or teach you either. 

If you think about it’s a rather ‘dahhhhh’ moment.   Isn’t serving, worship, teaching, learning, etc important aspects of your faith journey?   Sure it is!  I guess you can robotically do your share, and stay…but why?  Find a place of worship that is able to reach you and your family.  That is SO important!

One of Mohler’s side notes is about people leaving over the worship music.

One person maybe more receptive to the older hymns that I grew up on, and others may need the more contemporary theme.  For myself?  I enjoy both at times. 

Some hymns seem to drone on and on and put me to sleep.  Some contemporary music seems to lack the substance I feel is needed.   Neither are perfect.

I will say most of the churches that I have attended play more than one song, and if I don’t enjoy one – I may enjoy another.    No church will ever give you 100% of your taste in music 100% of the time.  That’s okay as well!  It happens.  I may enjoy the music one week, and not the other.  Big deal. 

I love music myself, and it does effect my mood and receptiveness at times.  NOT always, but sometimes! So if all I hear is long droning hymns?  I maybe snoring during the sermon as they have already put me to sleep. 

If all I hear is no substance contemporary music – that repeats one line over and OVER again all the time – I feel like they want me to be in some hypnotic state, and you will lose me once again.

That is just me, and my reactions maybe different from others.  Its okay.  God made us all custom, and we all are different.  Don’t tell me I’m BAD because I don’t react as you do. 

If you can’t go along with SOME program YOU are hurting the cause of Christ.   I’m sorry, but that is SO dumb and out of touch with most of mankind.

Just as a side note I have never left a church over their music myself.  I would also offer up that most people that mention the ‘music’ will also have other issues as well.  I don’t think they pay attention to that part, because telling others they left the church over music?  WELL it helps their ego a bit! Calling people ‘church shoppers’, and making them sound selfish for leaving?  Sigh.

I mean WHO do they think THEY ARE?

What The Extremists Have In Common

From time to time we have all seen different types of Christians, Muslims, Jews, etc.  By that I mean some are more extreme than others.  Then of course you have different grades of extreme. 

We will show you what the average Joe Believes compared to US – the FAITHFUL!

I think most Christians would point out Westboro Church as one extreme for Christianity, and we don’t need to go into how evil they portray themselves as.  I truly think they have some major screws loose.

Then of course more recently we have had our experiences of seeing what extremists over in the middle east can do over what they CLAIM was an insult to their faith due to some stupid film.  I say stupid, because even if most people actually had seen the trailer (which I had not) – not FILM as they claim on Youtube?  I doubt very much they would have stayed to watch the entire thing.  Most people wouldn’t have got past the first 2 minutes without exiting the video.  It was that badly done, and they wouldn’t have bothered wasting brain cells on it.  That’s the reality of it. 

Both of these examples are extreme to the point of dangerous, and quite frankly claim they are protesting against something ‘awful and evil’.  If you look past the surface?  Westboro Church shows you a God that pretty much hates everyone, and anyone.  The militants in the middle east are playing out revenge, and using their own people under the guise of ‘lack of respect and honor’ towards their faith.

Most extreme groups like this use propaganda, and they point out some fringe group as their examples of ‘the average everyday joe’.   This of course is to be used to show how ‘evil’ most people are, and how ‘faithful’ they are in comparison. 

The extreme complementarians do this as well.   They use the most extreme models to ratchet up their ‘us against them’ game. 

Most can see how some groups are more successful at their lies and deceit than others.  I feel sorry badly for their victims, and pray for them as well.  I don’t think they realize they are being used.

The Extreme Feminist beliefs BACKFIRE!

Recently, Elizabeth Esther had an article that represents the extreme case you hear about towards feminism.  The old tired speech about how they only think of themselves, and hate children, etc.  She pointed out a poster child article of just that.  Disappearing Mothers was the title of the article, and quite frankly the author seems so out of touch with reality its not even funny. 

An Open Letter from a Pastor to Pastors

There are so many people living in desperation and isolation, looking at the church being silent, and hearing that silence as even coming from God himself.  It’s time that they at least have an acknowledgment that what has happened to them has been soul-altering and life-changing.

– Pastor Gary Morgan (Cowboy Church of Ellis County – Texas)

Its been one hell of day.  Can I say that?  Why not – its my blog right?

I have been recovering from pneumonia recently, and so I have been so worn down it isn’t even funny.  It sure does take so much out of you.

Anyway, I received an email that just rocked my world. 

Abuse and Pastors: An Open Letter from a Pastor to Pastors

The following letter is a tool that I have written.  My desire is that it be sent to pastors to help open their eyes to the misuse of power and control in their churches, and to caution them regarding how very easily any of us can become guilty of lording it over our people.
In particular, I want to assist pastors and church leaders to understand that one extremely common scenario which is occurring in our conservative, Bible-believing churches with alarming regularity, concerns how we are mishandling cases of abuse (both domestic and sexual) that are brought to our attention and/or occurring right under our noses within our own congregations.
Readers are freely granted permission to reproduce this letter and use it to good ends.  Please do not alter or change the wording.  We would be very interested in hearing from anyone who uses this as a tool to call the body of Christ to justice and wisdom in dealing with the oppressed.
To the Glory of the Lord Jesus Christ,
Pastor Jeff Crippen,
Tillamook, Oregon

This is Pastor Jeff’s introduction, and I encourage you to go and read it.  He also has given you the permission to share it word for word.  You may also share it with your pastor or church as well.  It’s a letter FROM a pastor to other PASTORS!

If you like to hear sermons on domestic violence?  Jeff Crippen is on sermon audio with a nice series you can listen too.

In the letter he speaks of a journey he and his church went on.  How they had to take certain traditions of the church, and place them on their heads.  I highly doubt most churches or clergy mean to come across with the wrong type of message, but I have to admit they do seem to hard headed at times to go against a tradition that seriously needs to be looked at.  I call it tradition, because quite frankly that is all it is.  They feel it is truth, but when their truth oppresses so many people?  They seriously need to take a closer glance don’t you think?