Dressing for Sucess in 2007

Link to source of picture

Recently I read an article about how we make New Year's Resolutions, and how January is a good time to reflect on those.

I think one of the hardest items at times to shallow is forgiveness. The Author looked back at this past year, and I guess remembering all the best and worse things. You know the programs I'm talking about! One of the greatest stories on Forgiveness is when we hear about the shooting in that Amish School house! You remember that story?

Biblical understanding of God’s commandment to forgive and the connection between grace and forgiveness. You all remember. It happened in the aftermath of one of the saddest days of 2006. This past October a man entered the West Nickel Mines Schoolhouse and gunned down five Amish school girls. What a nightmare. He did not know the girls and had no particular reason to gun down that group of children. But even in that gruesome story there was beauty. The response of the Amish was a lesson in true forgiveness. Donald Craybill, a professor of Antibaptist Religion at Elizabethtown College in Pennsylvania described that the blood was barely dry on the floor when the parents of the girls sent words of forgiveness to the family of the one who had slain their children. If you remember the story, not only did they send words but they also followed it up with action. Of the 75 people who were in attendance at the funeral of the killer, half of them were Amish. The gesture even went further than a graveside presence when the Amish also set up a fund for the assassin’s family. The Amish take Jesus’ call to turn the other cheek, to love your enemies, and the forgiveness clause in the Lord’s Prayer as a way of life. This is what they practice. And to me it was a lesson to take with us into 2007, a lesson to try and adapt to our own faith practice and life.

I read this and I thought WOW if I could only be so good! LOL! Its something to strive for isn't it?

And what if we decided to try on some of these spiritual articles of clothing in the New Year? What if we say that in our dress for success world, we want to be clothed in Compassion and kindness, in humility and weakness, in patience, and in forgiveness and love? I personally think the hardest article of clothing for us to put on is the one of forgiveness. Do we really want to wear it? Perhaps we can take those other nice virtues and leave the forgiveness one in the dressing room and not even try it on. Miroslav Volf, professor at Yale University discussed the importance of these virtues in an article called “Letting Go” which appeared in the Christian Century Magazine two weeks ago. He said that many Jews have argued that we must not forget evil. And he is right about that. If we forget, we fun the risk that evil will happen again. But Mr. Volf says that it is important to forgive as when we forgive those who have wronged us, we make God’s miracle of forgiveness our own.

But forgiveness is a two way street. That is pretty clearly spelled out to us in the Lord’s Prayer. Forgive, as we have been forgiven. And as Mr. Volf described, “Do we not long to be accepted as we are, warts and all? Could not the world of perfect love be such a world in which we are loved notwithstanding all our imperfections? We do long to be accepted unconditionally? But we also want others to see past our warts and to concentrate on what is beautiful about who we are. I hope that both these longings will be satisfied. At the transition from the world as it is to the world to come, all of our imperfections will be known, and we will be loved nonetheless – and therefore forgiven, reconciled, transformed. And then in the world of perfect love we will shine in all our beauty, our warts completely cured.”

The article is awesome and very moving! I recommend you give it a look! LINK

I think true forgiveness is the hardest thing to wear! In our anger at times that is the LAST thing on our minds! Forgivness is not something you do for the other person - you do this for yourself! People don't even need to know about it! There are times of course that you may wish to share this, but then there are other times in which it is best to keep it to ourselves! Abusers tend to use forgiveness as a tool of manipulation. "You just can't forgive that is YOUR problem!" "You need to forgive and forget so we can move on!" They are demanding something from you so they may use this as a tool for themselves. Its NOT for them! Do we need to forgive? Of course we need to forgive, but not for the reasons abusers wish it for! We let go of the uglies, bitterness, rage, etc because the energy it sucks from us, and for the focus we can't have that God wishes us to have!

As I was looking for a picture to dress this section up a bit I saw the picture that starts this entry, but I also read a poem that is so great!

Forgiveness
Brenda Terrell

When a hurtful word is spoken
Or an unkind deed is done
I always must remember
I am not the only one
Who has ever been mistreated
Stepped upon or pushed aside
By thoughtless harmful actions
Or selfish hateful pride.

The world is full of people
Who purposely abuse
Who lie and cheat and slander
And manipulate and use
Anyone and everyone
Who might get in their way
Of success or fame or power;
No price too big to pay.

God's word is clear and simple
About what I must do
When I have been offended
By friend or foe's misuse:
"Forgive...and be forgiven"
I dare not keep a score--
Seventy times seven
Times seven hundred more.

When I am unforgiving,
The battle I'll not win;
For I need my Father's mercy
To blot out all my sin.
Forgiving is not easy
Yet I know it can be done:
I look to Christ my Savior,
The Holy, Sinless One.


When Jesus died upon the cross
His words rang clear and true,
"Father, please forgive them,
For they know not what they do."
As the Precious Lamb of God
Christ wants me to see:
Forgiving is the power
That sets my spirit free!
Forgiveness is God's wondrous gift
That sets my spirit free!

The author of this site as another awesome picture similiar to the above!! LINK

I'm going to try for my coat of forgiveness, and KEEP the darn thing on as often - or should I say MORE often (Since it is a new year! LOL) than I ever have in the past! I want to say 'often' because I know I will fall at some point, and I want to give myself a break so I can continue to do better this year anyway!

Any resolutions for you this year??

Activists Take to Prince George's Pulpits To Break a Pattern of Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence needs to be addressed in the pulpits!


By Avis Thomas-Lester and Rosalind S. Helderman
Washington Post Staff Writers
Monday, October 9, 2006; Page B01 - Washington Post Article about breaking the silence of domestic violence!

Purchase this picture of Yvette Cade - click here
(Debra Williams, left, who conceived Project Safe Sunday, and Yvette Cade, a domestic violence survivor, at Fort Foote Baptist Church in Fort Washington, where they spoke about abuse. (By Melina Mara -- The Washington Post)


Yvette Cade stepped up to the microphone and the church went silent.

"I am a victim of 'domestic violence'. I was set on fire by my estranged husband," she said, head held high, looking out over the 350 or so people gathered inside the main sanctuary at Fort Foote Baptist Church in Fort Washington. "Take a look at my scars. I was burned at 1,500 degrees. . . . One year later, I am here as a witness, a survivor and a soldier on the battlefield for Christ. Stop the domestic violence. Please."

Debra Williams, left, who conceived Project Safe Sunday, and Yvette Cade, a domestic violence survivor, at Fort Foote Baptist Church in Fort Washington, where they spoke about abuse. (By Melina Mara -- The Washington Post)

The church erupted in a thunderous ovation. It was more than two hours into the 11 a.m. church service, and Cade, along with other Prince George's County "soldiers" in the war against 'domestic violence', had come to the church as part of Project Safe Sunday, a program started four years ago to bring the clergy into the effort to fight the problem. Prince George's has more domestic violence than any other jurisdiction in Maryland.

According to statistics from the Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence, 5,085 cases of domestic violence were filed in Prince George's District Court last year, accounting for more than 21 percent of the cases filed statewide. The county has had the highest number of cases filed for more than five years, statistics show.

The other jurisdictions with the most reported domestic violence cases last year were Baltimore City with 4,152, Baltimore County with 3,780; Anne Arundel County with 1,998; and Montgomery County with 1,712. A total of 23,627 cases were filed statewide.

Joining Cade yesterday were Prince George's State's Attorney Glenn F. Ivey (D), who has actively promoted the program, and Debra Williams, who conceived of the program in 2003 after the domestic violence slaying of her sister, Ernestine Bunn-Dyson. Dozens of churches participated in the program.

Through the program, which spread to Baltimore and Northern Virginia this year, victims of domestic violence are encouraged to report their abuse and leave violent homes, and abusers are urged to seek help to stop attacking their victims. A third goal, organizers said, is to work with ministers and other church administrators to change the sometimes antiquated thinking that leads some to believe the Bible justifies a husband's right to abuse his wife.

"Silence has been one of the biggest contributions to the problem," Ivey said in an interview. "The faith community is the place where ministers talk about the private and intimate issues. A lot of women say they turn to the church, but to be candid, some ministers take the view that some degree of [abuse] is permissible. . . . We also wanted to have a dialogue with the ministerial community to address that mentality."

Domestic violence cases filed last year include the September attack on Cade, who was set on fire after a judge dismissed a protective order against her estranged husband, Roger B. Hargrave. Three weeks later, Hargrave went to the store in Clinton where Cade worked, doused her with gasoline and set her on fire. Cade, 33, suffered horrific burns to her face, head and torso. Her estranged husband was sentenced to life in prison for attempted murder.

The issue of 'domestic violence' in Prince George's has been under the microscope in recent days, after the publication of an article in Essence magazine highlighting stories of women in the county who were abused for years and kept quiet.

Headlined "The Secret Shame of Prince George's County," the story was denounced by members of County Executive Jack B. Johnson's administration, who accused the magazine of unfairly painting the county as unresponsive to the issue. Aides to Johnson (D) have marshaled statistics showing that county spending on domestic violence issues has risen from $1.7 million to more than $3 million in the past three years.

"How is it possible that you would paint us as a county that doesn't talk about it when we're doing things every day?" said Jacqueline F. Brown, the county's chief administrative officer and top aide to Johnson. Brown, a former family therapist, said she has counseled abuse victims.

Brown cited county support for the Safe Sunday program as a sign that officials have been addressing domestic abuse, in addition to training for 911 operators and a computer system that alerts law enforcement when those accused of domestic violence are charged with unrelated offenses.

It is not the first time county officials have issued a prompt response when the county's reputation has come into question. Last year, Johnson held a news conference to denounce an episode of the ABC television show "Commander in Chief" that featured a fictional president sending U.S. marshals to Prince George's to quell crime.

Debra Williams, left, who conceived Project Safe Sunday, and Yvette Cade, a domestic violence survivor, at Fort Foote Baptist Church in Fort Washington, where they spoke about abuse. (By Melina Mara -- The Washington Post)

Ivey, who was interviewed for the Essence story, said county leaders should use the story to raise awareness. He said the high incidence of protective orders and cases filed indicate that the county's pro-active approach has led to an increase in reporting, in victims seeking protective orders and a subsequent increase in the number of cases that go to court for prosecution.

In a case from last week, Jackie M. Lewis, 57, was shot to death in her Fort Washington home by a former boyfriend, Arthur Comer, law enforcement officials said. Comer, also 57, called 911, told a police dispatcher that he had shot Lewis and then killed himself, police said. The judge in the case had dismissed a temporary protective order against Lewis after she told the judge that Comer had not hurt her, according to a recording of the hearing.

The murder-suicide occurred almost a year after the attack on Cade.

Fort Foote Baptist's pastor, Joseph Lyles, said his church began participating in Project Safe Sunday four years ago because he has four sisters "who have each, in some way, experienced domestic violence."

As a minister, Lyles said one of his missions is to change the minds of other clergy, who sometimes play down the seriousness of the domestic violence problem and believe that the Bible justifies a man's right to "discipline" his wife if she disobeys or disrespects him.

"The Bible verse that people often misinterpret to mean that a man has a right to beat his wife is Ephesians 5:22-23, which says a wife should be submissive to her husband, and a man has authority over his wife just as He has authority over the church," Lyles said. "But if you look at Verse 25, it says that a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church. Love has no place in a relationship where someone is using violence to achieve dominance. Being submissive does not mean being abused."

Hopefully, these activisits will make a difference towards attitudes of submission and domestic abuse. Pastors need to realize this among other messages they give contribute to the violence against women and wife abuse. I believe out of ignorance, but wrong just the same.

Found a site where the author speaks about abuse within the Muslim faith

The Modern Religion

I hope it helps people out there!

Using story from Bancroft's book to show repentance and change

Link to Book

If you have this book - I'm talking about a story taken from chapter 14 - Process of change.

Its strange how I reread this story from the past - someone had asked me send it to them. It was in a book that both of us had read, and she had lent her's out - but needed the story for reference on a project she was doing. It kind of reminded me of the style Jesus used in the form of parables. How he told stories of characters, and how they turned their lives around...or what happens if they do not!

Now that the story is fresh in my mind I will paraphrase it. It’s an interesting story to me! In a way it is a story of repentance and penance I guess could say.

One neighbor had this awesome tree that they loved in the backyard! It gave them all kinds of shade in the summer, and the leaves were awesome when they turned in the fall. It was an old great tree - I don't remember the type. I guess they had a next-door neighbor that loved his lawn and his garden, but that tree caused way too much shade in his yard for it to grow to his liking. He asked the neighbor to cut it down or prune it. They neighbor told him any branch that was on his property to go ahead and cut, but they loved their tree and didn't want to make it less than what it was on their side of the property. That royally ticked the neighbor off, and when they family left on vacation he went into their property with a chainsaw and cut the tree down. He left it on their property making sure it didn't harm their house, or lay on their side so that he didn't have to clean up the mess either! Can you imagine? OUCH! Anyway, the guy went home all satisfied with himself...the tree was GONE and his lawn could now grow the way it should.

As you can imagine the man had second thoughts afterwards! How was he going to handle the neighbor reaction? What are the other neighbors going to think of him? How can he deny his actions? What is going to happen, and how can he get away from what he done! Not so sure he could get away with that in my neighborhood...LOL but that is a different thing! The author asked the group of people he was counseling to listen to the steps this person may have to take to make up for the action he did, and also acknowledging the pain that he had caused this family over their lovely tree!

He had to admit what he done was wrong, and he needed to not make it sound like blaming or his acts were justified to a point! You know like, "Yeah I did it, but it was an ugly tree anyway!" He shouldn't say that someone else did it, and what a shame and all that. He needed to admit that he had cut down this impressive and pretty tree that his neighbors loved, and make no excuses about it! Stop saying, "YES I cut down that ugly thing!" You know the attitude!

When he finally admitted to his wrongdoing he should NOT make excuses about WHY he did this! You know like, "Well I was drunk when I did it!" Or, "I wasn't in the right frame of mind - I was enraged by that stupid tree so I cut it down!" In other words stop making excuses and be true about your motives at the time! He did this on purpose and stop blame shifting onto something else! We see that all the time on the news don't we?

He needed to give the neighbors a heart-felt apology. Not one filled with, "Well I was VICTIMIZED by the shade, and they didn't want to do anything about it! Anyway I'm sorry I did it!" BLECK! We see this all the time also don't we?? The icky BUTS in life!

He needs to own and acknowledge the fact that the neighbors were hurt and angry over this act (with his apology)! That they have the right to these feelings! He has to own the pain he caused without a tone "Well its just TREE for goodness sakes! Get over it already!" Apologizing is important of course - and he would need to do that - but downplaying the damage he had done doesn't show real sincerely now does it? He needs to be sincere, and I guess empathize with their pain, and own the fact that he caused it...no excuses! People do try to shift a bit of the uglies off them don't they at times??

He needs to accept the consequences of his actions! It could be replacing the tree, or facing the criminal charges that could be brought against him! If charges are brought against him to NOT fight it, and deal with what happens next! You hear all the time about how people whine afterwards to others to gain sympathy, "OHHHHH this tree caused me so much money! I'm broke now and I can't even afford anything just because they couldn't trim the stupid thing down so it didn't wreck my yard! Wahhhhhhhh!"

He needs to devote his time and efforts to make amends for his action! There is no way he can make the tree come back, or erase the effects of losing this tree due to his actions.... but he can do others things! Maybe go out and buy the biggest tree he can afford! Go to the neighbors house, plant it, water it, feed it, protect it...keep doing this for years because new trees as we know take a while to get established! At least from my experience...I know maybe I am asking too much of the neighbor huh? I'm not so sure!

Even if the man took all the steps he should with sincerity - the neighbors might still be left with pain over his actions. The man can't demand they change those feelings just because he corrected what he did to the best of his ability! He can't tell him how long they should feel bad, since he is the cause of this after all! The neighbors in time may begin to act nicer to him, but that doesn't mean they will like him now! He can't demand that! He can't demand, "We need to be friends now!" afterwards even if he did take all the right steps! He should view their forgiveness towards his actions as an act of kindness, and NOT something he is OWED for replacing their tree and doing what is right! I guess what I'm saying is attitude! He isn't entitled to anything in that legalistic manner!

He needs to treat the neighbors with respect from then on! He can't five years down the road decide okay now its time to go into their yard and axe down their rosebush and then say, "HEY! I was good for 5 years! How about some credit for that! I'm not perfect ya know!" I know a silly example, but you get the point! Asking someone not to cut down the rosebush is not the same thing as expecting perfection here is the point!

He needs to own the negative reactions of the rest of the neighbors towards him over this "cutting the tree down" act out of just plain being mean! He can't go around saying, "Well you know how they are! Can you blame me?" He was the creator of this hostility towards him, and he needs to acknowledge that just because he disliked the neighbors and their tree - that had nothing to do with his actions and the damage he caused. He needs to stop being a bully!

Okay I have you an insane example I know. LOL but its the spirit of the attitude is what I am trying to get across here! Anyway, the author read everything above in much more detail to a group of people he was working with. He asked them, "Do you disagree with any of the steps or comments, or actions I have mentioned?" I guess all the people felt that it was reasonable and right and very necessary...as long as you are talking about neighbors and trees he found out later! When he started to apply these to their lives, and how they treat family members or others close to them...they started to backpedal a bit! You see they were in that group because of awful actions they had taken towards those people. He was trying to get across you need to change yourself, and stop blaming everyone under the sun in order to do it! The sad part was that most wished to own their "moldly mattress", and just maybe throw a blanket over it and carry on with life as usual. Lets just cover what I did, because I don't want to be that man in the story...you are asking too much from me. That is just too much work. Can we go on now?

I think we all can relate to some aspects of this. The story went on for pages, and devoted chapters to forgiveness, repentance, making up for the ickies, and in the end change. It almost dissected every portion of this story. It was a story I had long forgotten about, and was an interesting way of looking at things.

Alot of people tend to skip certain steps, or make excuses as to WHY they shouldn't! Others will accept their blaming, or diverting because its to much work to hold them accountable! If the tree family asks for support in encouraging Mr. Chainsaw to do what he needs to do to make up for the wrong - alot of times they don't really get it in any true form! Maybe you should just leave it alone now! He could get upset and make matters worse! I'm not saying the tree family shouldn't leave their bitterness behind, and move with life okay? We all know they should! Its the fear of accountability that seems to be lacking. As we can see from the above example when that happens it seems to get bigger and bigger! We never truly encourage people to finish the job anymore! Shortcuts are acceptable! They aren't to Jesus I don't think, and I don't think that was his message while he came to earth to show us, teach us new ways - or enforce old ones.

Anyway this story not only showed me how abusers deal with things, but also how most of us tend to 'own' parts of that also. We either skip a step or two, or enable others when we don't encourage them NOT TO!


Dear Lord help me to be the right type of person that you would have me be! Help me to teach my children, and for us to show others how it should be done by what you wish of us! Please forgive us when we fall short, and we will God! Thank you for loving us anyways. Thank you for the forgiveness you have offered us! Thank you for being in my life, and having such a huge impact! Please help me grow beyond what I am now, and help me find ways of showing your love to others so they may follow and do your will as well!

Amen!