Sunday, January 31, 2010

Seriously - did they really say that?

6 comments Posted by Hannah at 12:22 PM

I was reading an article over at No Longer Quivering, and it showed another link to:

 

Its amazing what people SERIOUSLY say isn't it?

Anyone have any others to share?

Friday, January 29, 2010

Pastor Charged with Domestic Violence

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 9:11 AM

The pastor of a Community of Faith Church in a Houston-area church as been accused of domestic violence.

James Wallace Dixon, 47, is charged with assault on a family member, a misdemeanor.  His bail was set at $50,000, and he as been released.

According to the Houston Con newspaper article:

Officials said the charge stems from an altercation Jan. 25 between Dixon and his estranged wife, whose name has not been released. The couple has been separated for about 9 months, officials said. 

Investigators said that Dixon went to his wife's home in the 5000 block of Bridge Valley Drive to drop off the couple's children. His wife let him inside the home briefly but then asked him to leave. 

Dixon allegedly pushed her, picked up their youngest child and went outside, officials said.
His wife followed and stood behind his car, apparently to to prevent Dixon from leaving. Officials said that Dixon allegedly grabbed the woman and threw her inside the house.

When things like this happen we all feel for the family of course, but I often also think of the rip and tearing of the church.


Sunday, January 17, 2010

Cardboard Stories of Hope

2 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:18 PM

I was looking through my resource links, and I came across this video on Brokenpeople.org

Cardboard Stories from The Austin Stone on Vimeo.

Everyone need a good reminder from time to time!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Status, biblical roles, and what's in it for me!

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:00 AM

Do you remember the story of Sapphira and Ananias in Acts 5?

The story took place after Jesus had died, and it was the start of the Christian Church.  The followers were all pooling their resources, and no one went without.  People that had processions and land sold them, and brought the proceeds to pool with everyone else’s.  They all used those resources to take care of each other, and also to use to further Christ's message.

I have to wonder if Ananias wanted to be like those men that had given up everything.  He looked at them as having some status due to what they had given up!  I can imagine others were very impressed with that act of faith among those with great wealth.  I mean can you imagine?  They sold their house and all their processions, and gave everything away to further the cause of spreading the Good news.  Can you imagine the awe of others if someone like Bill Gates or Donald Trump did this?

That took great faith to give all your wealth away it would seem to me, and it reminds me of the story within the bible about the man that asked Jesus how he could have eternal life.  The story in Mark 10  Jesus told him that he is to go home, and sell all he had to give to the poor after the man insisted that he had been following the laws that had already been laid out.  The man walked away very sad, because the thought of letting go of all his wealth?  That was just too much for him.  Jesus mentioned that it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.  Jesus was asking people to place their faith in God, and that he would take care of you when you leave all behind for him.
 

Friday, January 08, 2010

Link list Domestic Violence and the Church

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:00 AM


Kansas Milk Maid and her article, "Because He Lives!"  She talks about the peace of not having domestic violence within her home, and also speaks of how at times in the beginning especially that war for peace has just begun.
I remember the days when his voice would boom behind me. Accusations bounced from wall to wall about my inadequate capabilities. He ultimately concluded I was a worthless wife. He shouted his conclusion in front of all the children. Sometimes I would see the terror and fear in my children’s eyes. How far would daddy go this time? Would he throw mommy into the wall again? Or would he cover her mouth and nose with his hand to shut her up causing her to gasp for air? Perhaps he exhaust his rage on big brother with brutal blows where ever they would land? Maybe he would choke big brother again. We never knew what his rage would bring from moment to moment, from day to day.
It has been over two years since I heard the insults screamed at me. Two long years since I saw my oldest child pinned to the floor receiving blows to the head and face. Over twenty four months since I had to worry about what kind of mood he was in when he came home and how to prevent the inevitable release of rage. The day-to-day abuse ended. Let me give you a picture of what life was like the day the abuse stopped.
The first few months after I turned the to courts the war began. I aroused a sleeping dragon. He will not rest until his fiery breath of revenge has charred my life. Anyone who has lived with domestic violence knows it is a cardinal sin to put your foot down with a batterer. But, I had to do it. The violence grew worse. There were death threats, scars, broken bones, and the need for physical therapy to recover from injuries. So, I asked the civil courts to restrain him. The outcome of involving the civil courts resulted in dread and fear.
I dreaded checking the mail. Almost every day I received notification of legal action advancing with great force. He filed for divorce. Eventually, he sought custody of the children. Ultimately, this war meant I could lose everything. Walking to the mail box became a horrifying experience. My chest would tighten, my palms would sweat. I would open the letters and feel as though I had been dealt a new kind of blow. Before, I asked him to leave I took the abuse in person. Now he had a new tool: the legal system. I dreaded checking the mail. Yes, I dreaded answering the door. Throughout that year, police officers arrived often delivering me one subpoena after another for my appearance in court. There were over thirty court hearings when I stopped counting. This left little time to care for the children or the farm that year.  The result of the court process was dread, fear and horrific pain. The initial abuse was bad enough. The civil court experience felt worse then the abuse.
For The Fainthearted spoke about how 'we all knew it was happening', and why don't people do something then?  He speaks of the power of the church, and how they KNOW but don't move to action until pressured into it at times.

At a question and answer session, one of the students who had come from an urban working-class area said that what surprised him was that there was abuse in the homes of better off people. He said that when he was growing up everyone knew that there were homes where things went on, but they thought that such things only happened in poor areas.
If everyone knew that things went on in some homes, why did no-one do anything, or at least say something?
Child abuse seemed to be in a category with domestic violence as something that was common knowledge, but about which little was done.  Domestic violence seemed to be accepted: call the police and they preferred not to get involved.  Perhaps it was the difficulty in securing a prosecution, perhaps it was more the influence of the church which insisted that the State should not interfere in family life.
The questions that arise from the publication of the Ryan and the Murphy Reports in recent months run much deeper than the responsibility of the church for heinous crimes, they are questions about the nature of the society that allowed the churches to occupy such a position of power in Irish life, that allowed crime to be considered a private matter.
A true republic, a true res publica, a true public thing, would be an open society; there would be equality before the law and no special treatment for any interest group.  An open society might not be perfect, but the culture of secrecy and legal privilege would not have been possible.  The idea that someone responsible for the shielding of alleged paedophiles would have his future determined in a foreign state would be repugnant to republican principles.  The subsidising of church activities with taxpayers’ money would be thought ridiculous.
A true Irish republic is only possible through a complete separation of church and state
 Art Against Abuse
For those that have a gift for art.
Please do join us in ART AGAINST ABUSE!!

I thought it would be Wonderful to have a place here where we all can show our SUPPORT and love to those who are going through abuse, or those that have gone through it and survived, or even our love to those loved ones and friends who have passed on...
please do join us!

Ive Fantastic friends here such great artists!
Art is made to express the heart and soul and I would love to invite all of you to show how you feel about domestic violence and abuse of any kind, raising awareness and sharing love by making your Art and showing your Love!
Life, Part II  talks about how her favorite song was 'uncomfortably numb' to My favorite line is "you are the hope when our hearts have hopelessly lost the way."

At the age of 41, I am beginning to comprehend how many years I wasted just surviving another day. It does make me sad at times, but it makes today all the more precious. It also makes the people in my life all the more precious. I believe the ability to love each other is God's greatest gift to us. He did not intend for us to be alone. If He did, He would have stopped creation with Adam.

I am so grateful for the people God has put into my life, regardless of how big or small my interactions with them are. I love them all. Really, I do. People fascinate me. Every one of them has a story. Some are difficult and tragic, but none are beyond hope. It is never too late to be a better person. I guess seeing A Christmas Carol twice in the past week has hammered that point home! Circumstances and other people may never change, but our hearts can.

My childhood was often difficult, I struggled with severe depression for nearly two decades and if you read my other blog, you know what my marriage was like. Those are circumstances I can't change. What I have changed is my inward focus. Depression kept me trapped within myself, obsessing over my perceived shortcomings. A Christ-centered life keeps the focus on Him and allows Him to mold me. When that happens, there is a natural death to self. My whole mindset changes and I realize I am here to serve and be a friend, regardless of how long we have known each other.

I have been born again in every sense of the word and I don't want to waste another minute not being fully alive. If you are struggling right now, know that there is hope. Life won't always be so dark, and this is coming from someone whose favorite song used to be "Comfortably Numb." Know what it is now? Wonderful, Merciful Savior! My favorite line is "you are the hope when our hearts have hopelessly lost the way." Nothing, absolutely nothing, is beyond His ability to heal.

Romans 8:38-39 "38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Functional Fixedness

6 comments Posted by Hannah at 8:00 AM


Recently I was reading A Wife’s Submission, and she mentioned and quoted a book called the Sacred Influence.

Charis R. Hart quoted a poster that seemed to hit a nerve with many, and I have to admit the comments from this poster makes me feel very sad for those that are so narrow minded towards the world.  I just don't understand people attempting to shove others into a box that they don't fit into, and just preaching to them that THIS is good - and if you don't do as they say?  Well - sigh - they have some great manipulative little speeches that have been vomited up all over the place.

I guess I have a different prospective on those that preach the constant 'feminists are the biggest foe', and remember a healthy fear of your husband's wrath if you push him to far is just plain reality.  For me?  Its not only insulting to most women, but VERY insulting and demeaning to most men!  People love to yack up the man haters, but in their own statements they show such a short sighted view of men.  I truly have to ask myself WHO are the real man haters at times?  They claim they love them, but how can that truly be when they have such a LOW opinion of them?

They love to mention the suffering, and how it is good, etc.  Then turn around and mention the 'wrath' of men that they said got their buttons pushed.  How its human nature, because they are bigger and stronger!  How everyone has their limits!  They use Jesus as the example for wifes, and yet when his greatest suffering went down?  There was no wrath present - he allowed his father's wrath to happen instead.  It seems their message is suffer as Christ did, and act as he did to towards suffering for the wifes.  Don't forget ONE THING - if you can't you may feel the wrath of your husband.  Strange right?  Wifes - learn to suffer!  Husbands - we know you have wraths and we warned them!  How completely silly.

We have all had people that WANT TO push our buttons, and they can't tell me how Jesus was treated towards the end wasn't suppose to do that for HIM as well!  They mocked him - they ridiculed him - they tortured him - they killed him.  He allowed God's wrath to take care of business, and they don't seem to look to his example of how he responded when those buttons were being pushed.  He was a man afterall - why didn't he react as they claim men are 'wired'?  NOPE - they skip over that part, and remind us they are like GOD'S WRATH!  Strange how they truly do believe they justified sinful behavior.

Can we all do that all the time?  We aren't Jesus are we?  So NO we can't!  Can we do that sometimes?  Heck can we strive for MOST of the time?  Yes, I think we can.  I'm not talking suffering in silence in the form of enabling here!  To me there is a proper way and an incorrect way of reacting to sinful behavior.  We get so caught up with this 'men are wired to be aggressive' stuff at times that we seem to lose prospective on what is right.  It applies to everyone, and not just one gender!

Charis had a picture of her usurping her husband.  Its a picture of what alot of churches say a marriage is to look like, and yet claim the people should be in the opposite seats.  To me its not a form of gender confusion from one group or another - its their message!


Notice the ROLE REVERSAL!
Tsk. Tsk!
That was me. I “usurped his position”.

Here is a quote from the book:

This “martyr” method of marriage, though common among well meaning Christian women, shortchanges both husband and wife.

Your husband will prosper spiritually and personally by excelling in loving you. God designed marriage, in part, to help both husband and wife grow in character. If you do all the sacrificing, if your husband runs over you, he’s not growing; he’s shrinking, spiritually speaking. He’s becoming lower in character. You may well become a saint after living with such a man for twenty years, but he is going to become increasingly miserable, because ultimately, any man who treats others poorly begins to despise himself. This might sound backward, but you need to love your husband by teaching him how to love you, because its spiritually healthy for him to grow in loving you.

At one time, the thought of telling her husband what she needed would have sounded selfish to Jo, and she would have dismissed the thought. She has since learned that respect matters and that a husband won’t truly love a woman for whom he has no respect. Jo realized that if she didn’t respect herself, her husband would adopt that same attitude of disrespect….

An angry husband often acts as if only his wife needs to change. This is a false view based on a lack of respect.

Gary Thomas's words hit a nerve for me.  He said one thing that Lundy Bancroft also said in his book.  Men mistreat their wifes and families - because they can!   If you think about that for a moment?  That statement pretty much applies to any person that tends to abuse others - its not a gender only statement either.

I found a interview with Gary Thomas, and you need to remember that not ALL things within these writings may apply to abusive relationships 100%.  I truly believe that part of my own personal transformation was changing myself - not for my husband or marriage - but because that is what God wanted.  It wasn't the type of change you hear about that hints at enabling bad behavior.

You know what I mean - Advice they place out there but it only hints and is NOT in your face about enabling bad behavior - so NOW they can say that ISN'T what they meant!  Lets show some examples:

Bruce Ware:

and their husbands on their part, because they are sinners, now respond to that threat to their authority either by being abusive, which is, of course, one of the ways men can respond when their authority is challenged, or more commonly by becoming passive, acquiescing and simply not asserting the leadership they ought to as men in their homes and churches.

John Piper:

Now that’s one kind of situation. Just a word on the other kind. If it’s not requiring her to sin but simply hurting her, then I think she endures verbal abuse for a season, and she endures perhaps being smacked one night, and then she seeks help from the church.
Dobson:

Dr. James Dobson, addresses the issue of domestic abuse in his book Love Must Be Tough. He believes the best approach is to force a crisis that confronts the problem head-on. Only then can it be treated and resolved. When you and your husband are both in a good mood, let him know that you have something important to discuss. Tell him that you love him very much, but that you are not going to allow him to abuse you any more. Tell him that you want him to get counseling for his anger problem immediately, and that unless he agrees, you are going to need to separate from him for a while. Given his past behavior, it's likely that he will beg for your forgiveness and promise that he will never harm you again. As much as you may be tempted to believe him, don't. Set a deadline for him to start counseling and stick to your guns. You also need to have a safety plan in place in the event that your husband responds negatively to this news.
Its funny how they can't clarify past that point isn't it?  What is even stranger is that can't even admit its pretty darn close to enabling!  NOPE - we always totally miss their point, and of course they never know how to 'clarify' it any better.  I have wonder if they have ever prayed about that?

ANYWAY - here is the first video!



Some are going to take it as a bash, but I don't think it was meant that way.  To me he is trying to show people on how to empower yourself - to change yourself - to do what is holy and has good purpose.  That is key don't you think?  'GOOD PURPOSE'  I think we have lost sight of that part completely at times!

Becoming Strong Enough to Address your husband's "Functional Fixedness".
He mentions that there are quite a few books written for women by women that are very helpful in some areas that relate to men.  He also admits, "Only a women would think that this would work with a guy!"


I thought that was quite funny, and it made perfect sense!  Why?  When I listen to what some preachers try to tell us how women are 'wired', how we think or feel, etc I have to admit they haven't got the first clue about most women.  Why wouldn't that work the other way around?

He attempts to show that functional Fixedness is something that women don't seem to understand.

Men are NOT motivated by people they love - they are motivated by people they respect.

When you plea with your husband about how something hurts you, and he doesn't listen you seem to wonder if your communication skills are off when he doesn't take you to serious.  Why?  He keeps doing what hurts you anyway.

Why does your husband treat you the way he does?  Because HE CAN!

He is not motivated by your pain - he is motivated by HIS PAIN!

When he keeps doing something that he knows frustrates you?  He will put up with your frustration, and your speeches (or nagging as people say) as long as he can continue to do what he wants - because to him?  Overall its working! To him?  I can have her and I can have this - so I'm going to go with it!

People need to remember one thing that is important - God - not your martial status MUST define your life!

To become a strong women of respect is the first step to influence your husband.

He said that in most cases women will put up with their husband's weakness, because she is afraid to rock the boat.  Their whole identity is wrapped up in their marriage, and they fear his anger more than anything.

That opinion makes more sense then those rantings about how women today state 'HEAR ME ROAR', and you can dictate the marriage - and BE THE BOSS instead, etc.   When you look at abusive relationships - there is alot of fear there, and they simply ignore it.  I never understood WHY they never realized how completely stupid it sounds to most people.  They seem to think all women are man hating feminists, and its often quite silly to start from that place.  You tend to lose your audience when you realize this spirit is not within you, and you can't even relate to it.  lol yet you are TOLD you are one and DO feel this!  Just like abusers they tend to tell you HOW you think and feel - amazing isn't it?

He mentions don't worry about him being angry with you - be concerned when he loses respect for you.

 - keep in mind that is one area you need to be careful of if dealing with abuse.  Abusive anger can be dangerous.  I think what most victims don't realize?  Abusers don't have respect for their victims, and sadly I don't think they have respect for themselves either.


He turns a dear ear - she buries the pain - the relationship dies.


If you look real close to alot of teachings? Allowing a person to wake up, and basically tell them they need to respect you in this way is often called usurping the way he suggests.  I think he has a stronger point than they do.

If you can't do things that will wake your spouse up to the fact that you want their respect? They ask us to rely on spiritual pixie dust instead. You aren't given the tools this author speaks of.  If you communicate that you feel he is disrespecting your feelings of being hurt, and still nothing changes - he doesn't see the incentive. To me this author is telling you to find a way to influence him to pay attention, and at times that will be pain for him. Its not rooted in a vindictive nature - as you hear you MUST be doing so often - but due to trying to help him past that stage of selfishness and into a better man of God.

The role of the wife is NOT to change their husbands, but to change themselves.  Christ died for the church to make her holy, and her sacred influence on the husband can help him grow.  Goal isn't always to make her better - or him better - but to make it holy.

A man with a bad temper is destroying his life.  Showing him HOW to relate to people on a better level is a GOOD thing! Its a holy thing - its helping HIM!  YES there is some benefits to everyone, but it is a good desire.

I'm sure some of the items he mentions in his book would be dangerous to try with abusers - we do need to keep that in mind.  One trait of most abusive people is when you put your foot down - say threaten separation - they are all ears and ready to do what is needed.  Their 'pain' motivated them to finally listen, and in healthy relationships they will finally CARE about your pain.  With abusers?  I don't think that applies so much - their motivation is to gain that control they seem to losing.  Its hard for them to respect anyone, because frankly they don't respect themselves.

I thought this book would help others get a good foundation for a healthy sense of empowerment - something you tend to lose within the cycle of abuse.

Monday, January 04, 2010

Confusion of Gender Roles

0 comments Posted by Hannah at 7:00 AM


I guess I'm not one that appreciate this 'confusion of the gender roles' theory.  I'm NOT going to tell you that there are NOT those that are, but the way you read today?  You would think its the majority.  When I hear about confusion of gender I think of other things besides some theory of what a man should do, and what a woman should do ONLY!

With the economy today, and the way the church preaches the man's income stream as their role as provider?  To me that is what causes one issue of confusion for them, and for the others that buy into this junk. The church tends to attach dollar signs as a major factor of providing for his family, and with today's layoffs, etc?  Their push may make some men wonder about their worth today.  How sad is that?  There is so much more to man of faith in the realm of providing, and the doctrine is what caused the confusion.

We tend to attach this to much to the definition for men, and how confusing it much be for them today.  They still are men of God, but I have to wonder if they have problems owing the reality of that with today's economy.  To me?  I know who started that confusion!  It certainly wasn't the feminists as you hear all the time!

My heart truly aches today for those men that brought into this theory, and I wonder WHEN the message will come out that there is so much more to it than that!


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