Traumatic Bonding: How does it work?

I was reading a story about an experiment with little ducks today.  The story was to illustrate how traumatic bonding works.  I don’t know about most, but at times visuals tend to help me truly understand concepts better.
This reference came from the book, "Get Me Out Of Here: My recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder," by Rachel Reiland.
In it, the author was being asked to examine the nature of her relationship with her parents and the closeness of her bonds to them. The therapist shared with her the duck-test story:
"Some scientists were conducting an experiment," he said, "trying to gauge the impact of abuse on children. Ducks, like people, develop bonds between mother and young. They call it imprinting. So the scientists set out to test how that imprint bond would be affected by abuse.

"The control group was a real mother duck and her ducklings. For the experimental group, the scientist used a mechanical duck they had created - feathers, sound, and all - which would, at timed intervals, peck the ducklings with its mechanical beak. A painful peck, one a real duck would not give.
They varied these groups. Each group was pecked with a different level of frequency. And then they watched the ducklings grow and imprint bond with their mother.

They Turned Out Despite THEM!

I sitting here praying this morning for Tina Anderson, and all those that are watching and waiting for the jury to come back.  Will there be justice? 

I think some justice has happened even before this trial started.  Willis will go to jail no matter what the jury comes back with today. 

I pray for a different type of justice – that people will open their eyes and hearts to those families that don’t give their children a chance.

What I saw at this trial – among other things – is adults at the time trying to SHAMEFULLY take ‘credit’ for the awesome adults that Tina and Tom turned out to be.  It amazes me because their ‘safe adults’ in childhood were just as dangerous as their stepfather Daniel Leaf at the time.

These adults – Tina and Tom – turned out despite the outrageous conduct, behavior, and ghastly beliefs the adults in their life's made them endure.

The church’s ignorance is killing children, and if we are lucky enough to have some survive?  It wasn’t due to the adults in their life's – they survived despite them.  Can we get REAL for a moment!  Its shameful that people TRY to take credit where CREDIT isn’t due!

Tina and her brother Tom never had a chance.  It is their faith, and their push to have a life later on that should teach others.  Yet you have people like Christine Leaf – their mother – that use their mostly awful judgment as a parent to say it wasn't all that bad – look at how they turned out!

The truth is they turned out well despite their mother.

They MADE us DO IT!

John Patterson - Governor of Alabama (approx 20 minutes into program)

These people are going town-to-town getting off the bus, and seeking trouble through mixed groups.  Negro men and white women trying to force themselves into situations, which tend to inflame the local people, and in such a manner to incense them and to enrage them and provoke them into acts of violence.  That's what they have done.  

When you watch the show Freedom Riders you will notice that the southerners make excuses for their behavior.

Black and white – men and women – were asking to be able to ride together on buses, and wanting to sit together in waiting areas.  The southerners were inflamed and enraged over the fact that these AGITATORS don’t take the Jim Crows laws seriously!

I can’t even imagine how completely scared the agitators were.  I know for myself my stomach would be doing flip-flops at the very least.

There were those that agreed with the principal they stood for, but honestly thought they were nuts to take it this far!  WHY would you purposely walk into a line of fire that you KNOW may get you killed!

People place themselves in harms way all the time for PRINCIPAL!  It was the correct, moral, and ethical, truly compassionate human principle they were standing on.

It takes guts to stand there, and take the abuse that was given in return.  THAT is what they truly did!  It was the choice of the southerners to react with violence.

The Repeating Theme of History

We know that now, but honestly?  The theme tends to repeat itself over and over in history.  It plays out in different ways, but this theme of ‘they made me do it’ is always present.

I am an Agitator! Want to join me?

Like they were always on guard thinking that
we are going to do something to him
- while they were doing it to us.

I watched the Freedom Riders last night on PBS.  I have to say I was terribly moved.

I don't think the younger generation can truly understand how ugly those attitudes were back then.  Don't get me wrong in saying bigotry is a thing of the past - its not.

Have we forgotten today how much non violence had moved a nation not even a generation ago?  At times I wonder.

You watched blacks and whites - male and female - go directly into the line of fire.  You watched how mobs of people allowed their hate and fear turn to violence.

They had the control, and they will tell you that their Negros liked it that way.  Sound familiar?  The world wasn't going to tell them how they should treat those under them.  They were happy with the status quo, and they spoke for 'their' blacks as well telling the world they were content as well.

When you are raised with this belief, and it is encouraged and lived as much as possible?  It amazes me how much people will just accept it.  I have no doubt that even some 'Negros' as they were labeled believed in their inferior status, but that is NOT to say some or even MOST believed that lie.

If you were in the south you got killed for stepping out of line, or maimed at the very least.   I'm not saying the North were not bigots as well, because we all know they are all over even today.

Jocelyn Andersen has a book, 'Woman this is War' in which she looks at past history to challenge the gender roles.  If you see this documentary (Freedom Riders) you can clearly see Jocelyn's points in her book.  Its like history trying the same old tired excuses, but focuses in a different direction of gender now.

Instead of calling people feminists?  They were called, "Agitators".  Why were they called that?  They felt that people should be able to sit where they wished on the bus.  The 'Negros' were to sit in the back of the bus.  They were not allowed to use the same facilities, or water fountains.

They were to be 'separate but equal' as the saying went to keep the systems of segregation.  The law stated the separation would exist as long as you had equal facilities for each.  We all know that didn't happen.

You hear the whites claim that this system has been in place for hundreds of years, and its just the way the whites like it - and blacks like it as well.  After all, they claim 'the whites are the best friend a negro has!"  If you give him a chance (the white man) he will even show you, and tell you about his benevolence towards 'their' Negros. Makes you sick doesn't it?


Agitators

It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact I grew up in this period.  There was so much toxic hate.  My parents were part of the 'agitators' group, and they raised my brother and I to be agitators as well.  White agitators were the worse kind according to the 'normal red blooded' whites.  We were traitors and a disgrace to our race. 

Here is a quote that truly hit home for me from the movie.  There were many others, but it rang true for today in the world of 'equal in value, but differing roles'.

We dealt with violence everyday in the south.

They didn't treat us like we were human.

They treated us like we were vicious animals.

Like they were always on guard thinking that we are going to do something to them - while they were doing it to us.

The sentence I underlined?  That is called projection.  You project your sins to others.