Friday, May 27, 2011

They Turned Out Despite THEM!

Posted by Hannah at 12:06 PM

I sitting here praying this morning for Tina Anderson, and all those that are watching and waiting for the jury to come back.  Will there be justice? 

I think some justice has happened even before this trial started.  Willis will go to jail no matter what the jury comes back with today. 

I pray for a different type of justice – that people will open their eyes and hearts to those families that don’t give their children a chance.

What I saw at this trial – among other things – is adults at the time trying to SHAMEFULLY take ‘credit’ for the awesome adults that Tina and Tom turned out to be.  It amazes me because their ‘safe adults’ in childhood were just as dangerous as their stepfather Daniel Leaf at the time.

These adults – Tina and Tom – turned out despite the outrageous conduct, behavior, and ghastly beliefs the adults in their life's made them endure.

The church’s ignorance is killing children, and if we are lucky enough to have some survive?  It wasn’t due to the adults in their life's – they survived despite them.  Can we get REAL for a moment!  Its shameful that people TRY to take credit where CREDIT isn’t due!

Tina and her brother Tom never had a chance.  It is their faith, and their push to have a life later on that should teach others.  Yet you have people like Christine Leaf – their mother – that use their mostly awful judgment as a parent to say it wasn't all that bad – look at how they turned out!

The truth is they turned out well despite their mother.

Here is a woman that married an abusive man that went to jail for beating her children.  He returns from jail, and molests a small child – and returns to jail.   Did that church even THINK that maybe Christine’s children need protection too?

If the church encouraged Christine Leaf to keep her ‘fantasyland marriage’  Do they stop to think MAYBE she should do this AFTER the children are grown and out of harms way?

To me it’s a good example of how people place the bond of marriage ahead of the people within the family that this bond creates.  They use their spiritual pixie dust instead.  I mean TINA and TOM did turn out well despite this right?

There is no doubt Mr. Leaf was a dangerous man, and if you look at how churches tend to push to stay married?  They enabled Christine Leaf not to deal with the danger that was present to her children, and I have no doubt in my mind her as well.  Sadly, her denial helped her I guess.

They didn’t turn out WELL due to SOME good decisions from the adults in their childhood…

Tina Anderson and her brother Tom turned out well DESPITE the way their church denied them any true help.

WHY do adults take credit for something they had NO PART OF?   

The truth is they turned out well despite them.

I have a friend John, and he speaks of his father growing up.  It doesn’t sound like he was a loving person.  It was more like he was aggressive and mean.  I remember him talking one day to some of us that he made a decision when he was young that he would try to be the opposite of what his father represented to the best of his ability. 

After all these years of knowing him?  I can only recall one time I thought he would blow.  We were in a business meeting, and the opposite side was pushing every button possible.  I remember seeing his neck turn red, and the red started to travel up his face.  YET he never blew!

I remember a couple of us talking to him outside the meeting afterwards, and we all commented to him about how we could see this volcano about to erupt.  You could tell from his reaction he did everything in his power NOT TO!  He spoke about how the urge was there, and he mellowed out with our good natured teasing about it.  He even laughed and told us what was going on in his mind at the time.  We all could empathize. 

He turned out well despite his father.

Tina and her brother Tom had some huge obstacles in life, and I think what bothers me so MUCH about that?  Look at the attitudes of what happened to her, and you never see the leadership helping with those obstacles.  They instead pretty much ignored them, and I’m sure PRAYED for their absence. 

They were not the benevolent and loving leadership in this case towards these children, and they were not the huge wake up call that Christine Leaf needed to have to protect them either.

They turned out well despite them.

Phelps can state he didn’t know about the molestation of Tina with her step father, BUT he can’t say he didn’t know about the beatings those children had endured.  I mean his church member went to JAIL due to them!
Wayne Coull: you're posing questions to a child without any training. Confrontational questions to the victim of a crime and you don't have any training, do you? Phelps: I have extensive training but not as a social worker or as a police officer.
Chuck Phelps may state he had extensive training, but he either had NO CLUE how to apply this training – or the extensive training he received wasn’t worth the poop it was written on.

Abused children keep secrets and don’t say things due to the abuse, fear, and the well documented ‘consequences’ of when they DO speak!  You see you don’t have to be a social worker or police officer to KNOW this!  Chuck Phelp’s comment back to Coull was a diversion tactic.

YES he posed ‘confrontational questions’ to a victim of a crime, and ONLY because an adult stated it was consensual.  It never entered Phelps mind to ASK the victim if that was truth!  

Phelps and Christine Leaf will both say SHE never stated it was consensual.   

Its sad that his extensive training never taught him to ASK!
Phelps: I'm finishing my answer, please. Prosecutor is asking Phelps if he regretted putting Tina in front of the congregation. Phelps: only because I saw that turn a young girl away from her church. Phelps: police never called me
It didn’t TURN Tina away from her church.  Phelps had the church turn away from her.  Tina Anderson kept her faith

despite Pastor Chuck Phelps ‘extensive training’.

You have to wonder if churches will view this case, and look to themselves to see if they also used tactics that harm more than help. 

I wrote a piece about John Piper’s ignorance is killing children, and posted his response to an abusive spouse on youtube.   His video was taken down off the Desiring God website, and last time I looked there are loads of people linking to my youtube copy of it.  His ignorance towards this issue of domestic violence in the church is sadly very plain.  People never stop at times to THINK about how when you can’t deal with this – it harms children as well.

I also wrote a post about how the double standards are the true confusion.   John Piper showed true compassion to someone that came from an abusive childhood, and yet just can’t deal with the abusive home at the time.

I pray that people see the wrong attitudes that were brought forth in this trial.  Pastor Chuck Phelps spend so much time talking to the jury about how he was placed under the bus due to a news program that brought this to light.

His extensive training never showed him how he made errors in judgment, and not once did he humble himself about the fact that the way this was handled actually placed a young girl under the bus at the time. 

Its sad to watch a pastor try to gain sympathy for himself due to his own ignorance at the time. 

Its sad that he won’t admit his own ignorance NOW either, and show others how it SHOULD have been handled at the time. 

I wonder if he feels any shame about the distortions he placed up on his website compared to what he knows happened – and how we ALL know what really happened as well.

Pastor Chuck Phelps you should be sincerely apologizing FOR not using your extensive training, and how you handled Tina Anderson

Humility isn’t something I see from your statements at trial.  It was more about YOU, and how this effected YOU! 

Did you once ever ask how this effected Tina Anderson?  How your actions may have even effected her brother Tom?

They didn’t turn out well due to your actions.  They survived due to grace of God.

They turned out well DESPITE YOU!

On a personal side not?  Extensive training my (you insert your word of choice okay?!  lol)

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Bayleigh Marie on 12:06 AM said...

The 'church' really did a number on my children and I when my husband was arrested for assault on us. We were living in domestic violence for years.

I enjoy your site and what you post. I felt like I was the only one dealing with the church in this negative way, but that is obviously not true. When I was sexually abused in grade 8, the church left me for dead then, too. Very unsupportive in so many ways that I can see now...

I feel for Tina Anderson, and I like the way you say they she turned out well, despite those unsupportive people in her life - the church was supposed to help, but instead they hurt. I understand well.

Thank you for posting about this stuff. I certainly appreciate knowing I'm not alone.

Waneta Dawn on 9:07 PM said...

Thanks for sharing, Bayleigh Marie! And thanks for your post, Hannah! So many of us suffer at the hands of those are called of Jesus to lift the load of oppression. And I think its much worse for Christian women and children than for secular women, because so many pastors teach the abuse we suffer is the way it is supposed to be and encourage wives to become doormats, even while they deny that's what they are doing. If we do anything to deal with the abuse or stop it, the churches turn a cold shoulder to us and blame us for not submitting enough, not having a perfectly docile attitude, etc. So many churches treat abused women and children as if they are to behave as docile as a lamb that is to be slaughtered. Apparently they are of the belief that God is using the abuse to discipline us--as if we are more sinful than others are, that we are hiding some terrible sin from the church and that our husbands see it at home and therefore discipline us. They refuse to believe it is the other way around, that if anyone is so sinful they need to be disciplined, it is the abusive husbands.

You are not alone. I, too, am so refreshed when I read what Hannah and others write--even though I myself have written a novel on the subject (Behind the Hedge) and write my own blog, (submission tyranny). I still can so easily feel all alone. God bless!

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