Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Cause of the broken family: Fleeing feet or flying fists?

Posted by Hannah at 12:47 PM

From time to time I receive a comment about how staying within an abusive environment, and submitting to an abusive man brings healing to a family.


Your chaste behavior towards a person that is beating you will turn their ways around. You are asked to suffer like the slaves were asked to in scripture, because it does mention the submit part for wives shortly afterwards. You are told to suffer as Jesus did for us! God is calling you to SUFFER for HIM!

We read in the bible many times in which people fled from danger, because God opened the door for escape. Jesus did this. David did this. We find stories of people hiding others, and lying to authorities about their presence there to save the lives of those that are hidden. You are told those don't count.

WELL It Worked FOR ME!

Do we say to missionaries that are persecuted to death that they were at fault because they didn't LOVE their enemy the right way? What about the verse that says, “Ask for it, believing, and it will be done.” Did they not believe, and that is why those under the power of Satan did those awful things to them?

WELL I bet we can find at least a COUPLE of persecuted missionaries that escaped will tell you it worked for it MUST be so! Right? We need to Praise God for his help towards those faithful servants, and pretty much remind people that missionaries that died that they were at fault after all because they didn't do it right! Look at the spiritual few that it worked for!

The church would have a fit if we said that wouldn't they? Why does that make sense when someone is being terrorized within the home? OH YES - the magical bond right? Ahem sorry! The Spiritual one.

The fleeing feet caused the fracturing of the family, and not the flying fists and sinful actions of the abuser!

You just didn't do something RIGHT, and that is why all these awful things are happening to you! The fists and the emotional abuse are because you were NOT a good spouse, and if you try better? God will change your circumstance.

broken plate

Instead of a person lets use a object. Break a plate through violence and it's broken. Period.

Even if you keep the shattered pieces "together" instead of removing them from the house, that's only denial to say that the plate isn't broken. The plate has still been broken by violence.

It takes time and work to attempt to glue those pieces together again to see if it will work as a plate again. If you are craftsman you will get it to work, but if you are half hearted or careless it won't.

You use the wrong adhesive, and when you wash it? The heat of that atmosphere will break it apart again.

You throw that plate down on the floor, and more shattered pieces will be present. Throw it again? You have even more!

If you were that perfect spouse and God made that plate whole again, and once again it was thrown to the floor would it not smash?

In the case of an abused Christian spouse, she (or he) can do only their own part by behaving in a Christlike manner.

A Christian wife can no more accept the love of Jesus on behalf of her husband than she can do his own breathing for him to keep him alive. It can't happen the other direction either!

You should have KNOWN!

If I had known what I know today, and I started to date the spouse that abused me...and didn't get married but left? Would that have stopped him from abusing the next person?

Most people would say chances are NOT! Most everyone KNOWS that if you leave a dangerous person they aren't going to be less dangerous with the next person they meet. They may act nicer to them, and not do certain things...but it makes them no less dangerous. Why? They are more than willing to do it to someone!

That part of them that is full of rage, contempt, hurt, etc will still be there. THE core within them can be changed ONLY if they do the hard work, and make that sincere decision to stick with it. That person is the only one that can invite the Holy Spirit to come into their life, and allow God to change them. It's a totally PERSONAL decision, and there is WORK involved with it!

We make sure that pedophiles are kept away from children. We no longer keep booze in the presence of alcoholics. We keep our drugs locked up around addicts. We take temptations away from those that are tempted to the BEST of our ability!

The one that is asked to be the craftsman to put that plate back together? That would be the responsibility of the plate.

Why does that make sense?

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E. N. on 12:54 PM said...

Everything in this post is so true about advice from the church. And what about children who are being abused by their parents? It's so much easier to throw the fifth commandment at someone and call it a day rather than look at how certain behavioral patterns are destroying families all over the place. This is an excellent post, thanks so much!

Sticks and Stones - An Emotional Abuse Survivor's Blog

Hannah on 7:43 PM said...

I agree there! They should be listening to the hurting ones..whether it be man, woman or child.

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