To the Women:
“You know what your problem is?? Your problem is that you have no idea what a submission is! If you would open that empty little head of yours and listen for once you would know I’m right! What the hell is your problem?? HUH! Why can’t you be the wife you need to be!”
To the Men:
“Why can’t you be the head of the household like the bible says? I need a real man in my life not someone that acts like a major wimp! Do you not have any backbone at all? I can’t do both jobs here! Why don’t you try to be man for once in your life!”
Ouch! That hurts reading it doesn’t it? Can you imagine what feelings were going on in that person’s head receiving those messages? I sure stunned would be the first reaction for most.
Imagine having to live with the person that screams this and worse even when you have asked them to stop, or after you walk away they continue anyway.
Lets say you tell your spouse that you will not continue is conversation right that moment. It is plain that they are upset, and you would be happy to continue this when emotions have cooled down a little. Sounds like a right answer doesn’t it? What if doesn’t work?
For a long time spouses have come to the church with complains such as this. They had lived in homes with this atmosphere trying to find answers to get this type of banter to stop.
They met the imagined goals that the spouse states would fix things, and it continues. They have tried different approaches, and it still persists. The have completely bent themselves up into pretzels trying to please and stop the tension! Now they are getting pretty desperate.
They are willing to speak out and place the shame over this treatment to the side for once!
THEY don’t want to leave THEY just want it to STOP!
For people of faith most will go to the church in time of crisis in their lives. They look for answers, encouragement and support from their place of worship.
In this case their church can either be a roadblock or a resource for dealing with experiences that are so central in their lives. The outcome of this depends on how they are handled.
What’s your church’s approach to this going to be? Go home and pray harder and be better wife/husband?
The cause of this is because of your past sin!
You are suffering so that God can make you a better person!
Please try to be more submissive and honor your spouse!
Remember GOD HATES DIVORCE!
There is no acknowledgment in those statements of the pain, shame and suffering that these people have gone thru.
Maybe the spouse in question has an outstanding position within the church also, and they can’t imagine this person acting like this!
The spouse that is talking to you has indeed mentioned some nasty remarks, but we all have to live with that right? How about you can bet your bottom dollar that is just the tip of the iceberg is more like it!
Misinterpretation of scripture or traditions can make the person asking for empathy of their situation left with feelings of guilt, self-blame and very more suffering.
The offender had already placed all kinds of items in their heads, and they may have felt there was something wrong with it. They to go the church and their offender’s statements seem to be re-enforced. “But the bible says….” Is used to explain away the complex issues of their lives in very simplistic terms.
They are left with this feeling that they are to blame just as the offender had been telling them they were! They are now feeling abandoned. A handful of sweet words to many are given as advice to the one is suffering.
These words deny the pain and suffering of this person, and you have placed a huge roadblock for the potential for healing!
This behavior violates the covenant, and people are using scripture to brush it under the carpet!
The trust in the relationship is shattered, and a fractured relationship is not going to be mended by simple words even with the best intentions!
Churches need to be willing to support those who are suffering, and acknowledge that is nothing wrong with struggling along with families and their many questions in which these ugly situations can raise.
They need to stop the fear of this issue, and educate themselves on the dynamics so they can truly help The church is to be a sign of God’s presence, and reminder of his love for us all.
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