Monday, June 04, 2007

apostasy alert's article "Emotional Attack"

Posted by Hannah at 6:56 PM


I found yet another author that JUST didn't go far enough into what "emotional abuse" is to understand, and went ahead with judgements. I guess I will never understand that myself. There is alot of material out there that speaks about Emotional abuse. The list the author supplied - YES is part of it! Its hardly covers the spectrum of the subject. Then why use it? I mean did the author do any digging about the dynamics of a person that is emotionally abusive? Its clear he/she did not! I have to be honest here if they were really all that interested they would speak to a respected faith based abuse ministry and tell them, "I don't get it! Can you explain?" The author clearly isn't interested in this. How sad.

Why do I say that? The simplistic answer about how it is all subjective, and if your partner does do these things you INDEED need counseling! If the author KNEW what emotional abuse was - they wouldn't make such statements! YES I'm sure we have all dished out some ugly statements, actions, etc in our lifes! No one is immune! Emotional abuse is a pattern of ongoing behavior of this sort. It gets worse as time goes on, and alot of times physical abuse of some sort will HAPPEN! Its a warning sign that there is something VERY wrong within the relationship! Both parties need different kind of help, but I am sure this author would tell them marriage counseling. Doesn't matter that if emotional and verbal abuse is happening that will make things WORSE not better! We are talking about a FEAR based, IMITIMATION based abuse! Its a pattern within the relationship, and people within that relationship need different kinds of help. The 'abusive' one needs counseling to find that root of rage within them that feels they are entitled to degrade, humilate, insult, demean, demand, etc the other spouse. You get into a marriage counseling session, and the other spouse actually OPENS their mouth about some issue with the abusive one - you don't think that spouse will PAY for that comment later? Does that make things safe for the other spouse? Or do you think the abusive one will scare them into silence?
But the spirit of this world has a different set of criteria for divorce and believers everywhere are buying into it – this is obvious because statistics show that "Christian" marriages break up at the same rate as the rest of American society. If a spouse is physically abusive, counselors will rightly advise a person to remove themselves for their own safety. And the Bible gives recourse for such an eventuality:

"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (1 Cor. 7: 10-11).

This leaves room for repentance on the part of the abuser. But a worldly counselor will advise the spouse to divorce such a one, which is NOT in keeping with Scripture.

But now it is taken even farther. Today counselors are telling people that "emotional" abuse is just as detrimental as physical abuse and the determining factor to find out if you are in such an abusive relationship is very subjective. If people were honest with themselves, they would have to admit that all of us receive and dish out emotional abuse to those we love one way or another. And the word "emotional" abuse is becoming the number one reason people give when entering divorce court today. But that should not be so in Christian marriages, but unfortunately it is.

I entered the phrase "emotional abuse" into the Google search engine and got back 945,000 hits. The top site was a place called "Education Wife Assault" and they have a list of questions to ask yourself to determine if you are in an "emotional" abusive relationship, that include:

* Do you feel that something is wrong with your relationship, but you don't know how to describe it?
* Do you feel that your partner controls your life?
* Do you feel that your partner does not value your thoughts or feelings?
* Do you feel that you cannot do anything right in your partner's eyes?
* Do you have to account for every moment of your time?
* If you wish to spend money, does your partner make you account for every penny?
* Does your partner blame you for everything that goes wrong?

Certainly, if a spouse answers ‘yes’ to these questions, s/he should bring it up to his/her spouse and seek biblical counseling if things can’t be worked out. These are symptoms that there is a problem in the relationship. But they are NOT biblical reasons to divorce and yet that is what it is becoming.

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Anonymous said...

it appears you have not been in an emotionally abusive relationship. I hadn't either, before I was saved. I remarried 5 yrs ago a man that was new in the lord but saved none the less. He is an emotional bully/abuser. He actually exhibits (nearly) all the characteristics of a misogynist(woman hater). it occurred to me,(you can see if this bears out with you in scripture)that when the Scribes & Pharises tried to bully Jesus, how did he handle it (WWJD?) He CALLED THEM ON THEIR BEHAVIOR (Liar,white washed seplucar,hypocrite,of YOUR FATHER the devil, etc). Jesus did NOT ACCEPT BULLYING and we don't have to either. If an abuser refuses to accept responsibility for their behavior and correct it, are you still bound to that marriage? Next ?-is that person REALLY A BELIEVER if they refuse and disobey God and ruin their family? The husband is called to be THE LEADER, not the dominator and people will follow a leader (families,military,business) of all your web hits-Google these 2 articles: "The Silent Killer of Christian Marriages" and "Christian Men Who Hate Women". Real clear answers here. It is hard to believe this happens in christian families but it is THE church's dirty little secret, much like pornography and has caused my marriage to dissolve. I am filing for divorce asap.

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