Friday, March 01, 2013

Biblical Roles could cause Division

Posted by Hannah at 12:41 PM

What can I do, if anything,about this?
I have my role, I don't want his too!!!!
If I keep submitting to my husband,is there a chance that he might come to see what his role is??
Please pray for us!!!!

I read the above about the ‘biblical roles’ all the time.  Instead of certain churches teaching to appreciate the individual’s gifts?  You see the division starting because these gifts don’t mold into their version of ‘God Given’ biblical roles.

Don’t get me wrong I see it the other way around as well.  The men stating that the women aren’t doing what they were taught women should be doing as well.

I have to wonder if people don’t seem to understand that its causing division more than the unity that the Lord had in mind for all of us.  You read all the time about the wife or husband complaining about how they aren’t doing their role, and how they are forced to do both.  WHEN will they step up??

In turns into people feeling resentment towards their spouse, and they start to ignore the true gifts their spouse brings to the table for their relationship.  I don’t believe that is what God wanted.  You see he made that person, and they are wonderfully made!  Although according to doctrine in certain circles of faith it makes you question things that may not even be there.

If their gifts aren’t in the uniform style of what the preacher is teaching you?  It causes all kinds of issues within the relationship.  The woman I quoted above sadly doesn’t recognize the awesome aspects of her relationship, because her husband doesn’t ‘lead’ the way she was taught.  She doesn’t even see the ways he does lead, because she has a checklist that she was given.  You see the check list doesn’t line up how she is taught he SHOULD be.  Teachings should show her to appreciate what he is instead, or he may not be.  What could be an awesome relationship is being torn apart.  Why would this be good?

Let me give you an example of what I feel is God given gifts:

My daughter loves drawing.  She is darn good at it too.  One area she loves to draw is Anime.  I personally don’t understand the draw for the Japanese programs for Anime, and they really do nothing for me.  The art style in the drawing of the characters can be very complex.  I will admit it is very beautiful.  So I may not enjoy the programs with Anime characters, but I can appreciate the style of the art.

It’s quite amazing to watch her with her pencil and paper as she breezes along, and creates normally her friends in the Anime style.  Its funny to watch each of them step up, and tell her they want to be NEXT!  She gives these drawings away as gifts, and they are truly treasured.  She makes them feel great about themselves, and are proud of this drawing.  Not in a conceit type of way, but a normal healthy self image way.

Her drawing started as a young child, and her style of course was different.  It was awesome to see her get better as the years went on.  She was always good, but as she cultivated her gift her craft grew more complex.

She will always have this gift, and even if you took away the pencil and paper the gift would still be there.  The way she sees the world, and how she would create it in her own style will always be present.  It just IS... with her.

This is a gift that God blessed her with, and its something that no one can take from her.  Everyone has their own gifts that the Lord has blessed them with, and they don’t always align with the boxes I read about, or hear preached about.

When people have God given gifts?  To me it just is, and you can’t take it from someone.  It will always be present.  Telling her she must not use it, or must rid her self of it is just not possible for us humans – we all have our own gifts. God blessed us with them, and they will always be there.

I truly believe these ‘biblical roles’ according to gender at times does cause division due to my view of personal gifts.  You either have the gift or you don’t.  If you have the gift of course it can be cultivated, and improved.  It will always be there, and nothing can take it from you.  Its the way God made you.  Sadly, we don’t always learn to appreciate them, because of biblical roles we are taught we are use those instead.

The way you use that gift shows how you can honor or dishonor your relationship with Christ.  My Daughter for example, could ‘teach’ drawing to others if she wanted too.  She doesn’t usurp anyone by showing them certain skills she learned along the way.  People in general could learn from her, and its true even if they never learn to draw with excellence like she does.  She could also do things with her gift that would dishonor her relationship with the Lord by using this gift to demonize things.

When people claim that others should NOT use gifts because it dishonors the other gender?  They never stop to think about the fact these gifts are used to honor God, and he gave them to this person for his purpose.  The ‘dishonor’ crowd may not get anything from the gift, because their nose is too out joint to handle it.  Those with an open mind can appreciate it, because they realize the Lord gave it to them to use for HIM!

People will never always fit into the checklists of the gender roles, because God may never have intended us to live that way.  He may have created them totally opposite in fact.  He has a purpose for this, and it amazes me that people would question him in this manner.

Our world has enough issues as it is without us dreaming up issues that we seem to want to see there due to some silly checklist.  We won’t always see what God has intended us too, and we may miss out on wonderful things.

If we see a women  that is good at business?  We may think feminist, and how she elevates this skill above family.  When we see a man that children LOVE to play with?  We may think emasculated, and a product of this feminized world.  She shows a strength that only men are to have, and he shows nurturing that should be a trait for women. 

In the end you learn to resent these people instead of appreciating the gifts that the Lord has given them.  We dishonor God when we refuse to fellowship with them, because they don’t fit into some box our teaching has in mind.   We see a grab for power, leadership, etc. with her, and a man that folded in his masculinity for him. 

Most are able to discern if those characteristics are indeed present (power grab, emasculating), but we don’t use those discernment skills anymore.  We use our checklist instead.

This is why I see biblical roles to the point of legalism causing disunity within marriages and the church.  This should not be.



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3 comments:

Jennifer Stahl on 7:00 PM said...

As always, awesome blogging!!

Retha Faurie on 11:39 PM said...

You are so right. About your opening statement: I find that kind of frustration an obvious result of complementarianism.

I once had to act a minor stage role (before a crowd of about 100 peers) in which I had to respond to the actions and words of another amateur actor. The other actor forgot the part where he had to interact with me. He never turned to me or said what he should have said to me. My part was minor and it did not ruin the entire piece. But I stood around on stage like an idiot, doing nothing like I had no reason to be there, and having no excuse for an exit from the stage.

Complementarian doctrine say that wives are to play the church and husbands to play Jesus. That leaves a church-playing actress whose husband do not act like Jesus in the same position I was in on that stage. The church is a responder to the One who loved first, the One who love so completely that it transforms the entire person, the One whose decisions are always wise and always loving. Should she act like her husband does all that when he does not?

As for husbands, acting like Jesus is a tall order, but at least he don't have to wait for someone else's actions to play that role.

You are so right we should learn to appreciate people for their real gifts, regardless of how feminine/masculine we regard those gifts. When we respond to real people instead of to prescibed roles, we won't stand around on life's stage with no words to say.

Lana on 9:53 PM said...

I agree. They do.

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