I an thinking of my father this morning - of course being Father's Day it would be understandable! This is my first Father's Day without him. Dad and I had our wars here and there as I was growing up. He had his own issues, but he actually got help for them. He went to doctors for years to help him deal with those. He apologized many times for NOT being the father I should have had. Myself, personally feel that is what a real "man" does. I think when he started to show himself as a human with faults is when our real relationship started. I'm not saying we didn't have one before that - it wasn't all bad! It meant alot that he could admit - unlike alot of us on this planet - his faults as a human.
Below is a letter that was read at his funeral. Keep in mind a father doesn't have to be someone that offered the genes to make you! LOL It can be a special person in your life - friend of the family, Pastor, Uncle, Brother, Step Parent - whomever!
Here is my dedication to Daddy - the special man in my life:
A couple of months ago my father wrote me a letter about some of his last wishes. I could feel the love he had for us coming thru in that letter. I realize that it was a great time of depression for him, but the fact that he thought of us during that time spoke volumes to me.
There were a few nights I wanted to write this letter back to him. I actually started a couple of them, but never sent them. I’m not going to regret it at this point because we all know life happens at times. As I had my alone time with my father before he passed I was talking to him. I told him I love him, and I couldn’t imagine a better father for me. I would do my best to be happy, and I would attempt to help my very independent mother as much as I could. When her time comes I will make sure she was taken care of. Don’t worry about us Dad we have each other. We are very lucky family because we actually love and care for each other. Both my parents are responsible for that. I know in my heart that Dad held on just long enough to see my brother married, and start a new life that he wanted for him for a very long time. He talked to me about that. “If nothing else I’m sticking around until that date! I won’t have to worry as much about him anymore.” He told me.
My parents showed me what true love was. Sure they didn’t always agree and YES they had their fights. Growing up with a democrat and republican in the family made for some very INTERESTING dinner conversations. My mother showed her love and commitment to him in her care. He couldn’t have had a better caregiver. She would say she was doing this or that because Dad liked it that way. I remember as a child little things like she didn’t wear nail polish because he didn’t like it. I know that seems strange and small to most as an example, but she always treated him with respect is what I’m saying. He would crack me up after all these years when he would buy her something, and he COULDN’T STAND waiting until the birthday, Christmas whatever it was to give it to her. He was so excited about his “find” he could barely contain himself. He had to call EVERYONE to tell them about the gift also. That used to tickle me so much! “I know your mother doesn’t want me to spend this money, but eaandfaith I just couldn’t HELP myself!” he would tell me. There was little self-control in that arena when he came to her. “She will just have to take it back if she gets that mad at me!” he would say. One gift was never enough, and when he went WAY overboard she got things with a card signed by the CATS of the household! He would always tell me how lucky he was to have her. My father was very verbal about his love and commitment to my mother. Mom showed her love and commitment with fewer words, but the actions made it just as loud as his. Different styles but the same ending – they truly cared for each other. Respect for each other was the name of the game, and they always had that for each other. People could learn a lot from their very special relationship.
My father got such kick out of the grandchildren! L was first, then M and A – then came J, then E and finally D and G. He loved you all so very much, and I hope if nothing else you learned to see his gentle nature and true love he had for all of you. He was so proud, and he couldn’t have loved you more! You didn’t know the father I knew, but I knew my father would have moved heaven and earth for you all. That was just the man he was. I hope one day you realize how very lucky you were to have such a fine man in your life for such a short period of time.
I will never forget my father’s humor. It was strange at times, but he could always get me to giggle. He had a very unique way of looking at the world, and a lot of times I wish more people would view it like he did. He would tell people when he had money it would burn a hole in his pocket. He was always very generous in that way, and with his time also. Sure he would buy things for himself, but it wasn’t unusual to get a gift from him for no special reason. He just wanted you to have it. When people were in trouble he had this drive that he must do something about it. If nothing else he would pray for them.
No one in the family could question if they were thought about. My father would worry himself to death at times – sometimes over nothing. He told me weeks before his death, “Eaandfaith if everything is fine in the world you know me….I will search for something to worry about. I think worrying is ingrained in me or something.” Boy isn’t that the truth! I remember me sitting at his deathbed, and wanting to say more than I did, but I was afraid if I say too much because his thoughts would wander to worrying instead of letting go. Sounds silly now I guess because he might not have even heard me because I had already asked the nurses to pump up the meds so he would sleep with no pain or realization of where he was. I guess I figured it would be my luck he would hear and worry! I asked God to forward the message once he got there for me. I have to laugh because I bet he is up in heaven “WORRYING” NOW instead! He will always be with us in that way. I know he will never let go. I have to laugh because he will be known as the “worrying angel” up in heaven.
I learned a lot from you Dad! It was always comforting to know that I always had you in my court. I could always lean on you, cry with you, vent with you, and laugh a lot too. I was extremely lucky to have someone that loved me as much as you did. I never questioned that. I will miss your giggle, and your teasing, and all the smarty-pants comments you love to drill me with. I will always treasure the memories of your humor and love.
I love you Daddy!! You will be missed! You were always the type of person no one could forget after meeting you. You will always be a very special and treasured person to me.
With all my love from earth to heaven,
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